Chapter Twenty-Four
It had been a long day.
Informative but long. Daniel felt slightly guilty about what happened today on Vala's home world. Despite how she acted, he knew that it was hard on her, especially when he told her that he met her stepmother. He should've never asked her stepmother questions to get more information on her, but he was just so damn curious that he couldn't help himself. Vala was still a big question mark for him, a puzzle if you would, and he couldn't resist knowing more. But she opened up to him tonight and he felt like he was finally getting somewhere with her.
He was almost to his quarters when he heard a crash come from Vala's room. He reacted without thinking – in his defense, it was Vala's room and not to mention the SGC in general. He was in front of her door, unlocking it with his master keycard before he even realized what he was doing, and the sight that greeted him once the door was opened doubled his concern.
Vala sat on the floor, her back to the bed, with her knees drawn up to her chest, and her elbows rest on them and her face rested against her balled up fists. The lamp that once had been on one of the nightstands by her bed had been thrown at the wall across from the bed and its broken pieces were scattered across the floor. As he came in, he noticed that she didn't react to his presence at all, and when he really looked at her, he noticed her body trembling ever so slightly.
Daniel quickly shut the door behind him before gingerly taking a seat beside her. She still didn't acknowledge his presence and appeared to be wrestling with herself, so he stayed quiet. He wondered what happened to cause this sort of reaction and glanced around for clues and that's when he noticed a few things. She wore pajamas that were rumpled, her hair was a mess, like she had just woken up, and the bedding was pooled around her as if she had rolled straight out of bed – literally. He had seen this before, not often since he was surrounded by military personnel who hid it, but he recognized the signs.
She had a nightmare and not a pleasant one by the looks of it – but then again, what nightmares were pleasant? He knew what to do with his friends whenever they had one, but he didn't know what to do with her – he didn't know how she'd react. He couldn't just leave her like this, but also couldn't just jump in and try to help…at least not until he figured out how she normally dealt with it.
Sam worked but she liked being close to one of them, so she normally just came to his office with a bogus excuse and the two of them would work in comfortable silence – he was much the same. Jack would come in and bug the hell out of him before convincing him to get pie or cake, despite the late hour. Teal'c, well the Jaffa rarely showed signs of having them, but on the rare occasion, Daniel would meditate with him. While they all seemingly handled it differently, the theme was the same – just being present.
He just didn't know if that would work for Vala or even be enough. It had taken him a while to understand his teammates, so he might as well start trying to understand her and what she needed from him.
"Vala?" he spoke softly, trying not to startle her. He didn't know where her mind was at. "What do you need? Just tell me and I'll do it."
She chuckled watery. "So, all it took was having a bad dream for me to finally get you into bed, huh?" she tried to tease but it was missing her normal flair.
She was forcing it too much, trying too hard to make light of it, and it evoked the opposite reaction he was suspecting she hoped to have. Instead of snapping or walking away completely, Daniel instead gingerly put an arm around her shoulders before pulling her to his side. "This isn't just a bad dream," he argued softly, "I don't know what it was about but just know you're safe here."
Vala's hands fell from her face, and she buried herself into his side, hiding her face in his shoulder. He felt the shuddery breaths she was taking, and his heart squeezed at the pain she was in, even more so when he realized she probably never had someone to comfort or just be there for her like SG-1 had been there for each other.
He was fairly positive she wouldn't open up and talk about what the dream was about, but he felt like there was something else he could do, he was just missing it. He left it alone for the next ten minutes, waiting for her to regain her composure. If he knew one thing about this woman, she didn't like it when others saw her when she was in a weak moment, or when she was feeling vulnerable, and he knew shining light on that very thing would only have the opposite effect he was looking for, especially since she was in his arms in such a state. So, the only thing he could do was let her gain control over her emotions.
As the silence stretched, his eyes drifted towards the broken lamp across the room and curiosity got the better of him, as it usually did. "Hey," he broke the silence in a gentle tone, "what happened to the lamp?"
Vala turned her face towards it but didn't remove her head from his shoulder. "I threw it," she replied simply, like it was no big deal.
"Why?" he asked curiously. He knew she threw it. It was the only explanation, but he did wonder why.
There was a pause before she gingerly confessed, "Because I was angry."
Oh…now he was getting somewhere…hopefully. "Why?" he asked again, trying his hardest not to spook her into silence once more.
She paused again. "Seven years."
"Seven years?" he repeated, intrigued but also confused.
"I spent seven long years controlling them and refusing to let the Goa'uld or them steal another moment of my life," she said angrily, and her voice rose with every word, "and it all comes crashing down when I visit one fucking planet for five minutes!"
The alarm clock on the nightstand was the next to go and despite the fact it was plugged into the wall, she still managed to rip it out and hurl it across the room only for it to end up like the lamp. "Damn it!" she cursed and resumed her original position he'd found her in.
His arm was still around her and he pulled her back to his side. His heart ached once more when he heard the sniffles she tried to stifle. "It wasn't just some planet," he told her quietly, "it was your home."
"I don't have a home," she argued, her voice cracking.
"You grew up there," he amended, "those are your people and your family."
"Those people tried to kill me and nearly succeeded," she snared, lifting her face to look at him, "and I don't have a family. I don't have a home, Daniel."
She really believed that, he realized. "You have a home," he contradicted gently, "it's here, on Earth, and you can have a family with us, with SG-1."
Vala scoffed before looking away. "I don't want your pity."
"That's not what this is," he told her, "You've already been accepted. They all adore you in their own way, and that's what makes you family. You just need to accept us."
She glanced back at him. "Even you?" she asked, looking and sounding so vulnerable.
Daniel smiled smally. "Even me," he confirmed, "I mean, every family has a crazy cousin or something."
She let out an unexpected laugh and bumped shoulders with him. "Thanks," she feigned offense but rested her head on his shoulder again.
He let the silence stretch between them for a little while before he finally got the courage to say, "Tell me about it."
She knew what he meant and what he was asking. "It's never just one event," she gingerly answered, "it's all of them rolled into one horrific dream."
"Qetesh?" he guessed and felt her nod.
"Mainly the implantation, the first life she took using me, the uprising, the removal…and the stoning," she confessed.
She let out a small sob and tried to smother it, but it did no good and Daniel ended up bringing her closer to where she was practically on his lap.
"It's not your fault," he told her firmly, "None of it and you're safe now."
"I know that, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like it was," she said, "Gods, I hate when it gets the better of me and turns me into this…weak person."
"You're not weak," he murmured, "God, you have to be one of the strongest people I know."
"Daniel, I'm literally sitting on your lap and am an emotional wreck," she pointed out, "How pathetic is that?"
"It really isn't," he continued to deny, "We've all been there at some point."
"And I suppose all of you have spilled your stomach out like I have?"
Daniel tried, he really did, but he couldn't help the small laugh that escaped at her messed up idiom. "It's 'spill your guts,'" he corrected, "and sometimes, yeah. We all deal with it in different ways."
There was no way he was going to tell her that most of the time, SG-1 never talked about what their nightmares were about or what was going on in their heads. He briefly had when Sha're died but not much since his friends were there and saw it all go down. Besides, the pain of losing her had been insurmountable and the thought of talking about it only seemed to bring more pain, not relieve some of it. But he wanted her to know she could trust him and he meant it when he said he was there for her.
"What makes you so special?" she asked after a moment of silence
He glanced down at her, but she wasn't looking at him. She had shifted so her back was against his front. "What?" he asked.
"What is it about you that makes me tell you things that I otherwise wouldn't share with anyone?" she asked, sounding confused, "What makes you so special?" she almost sounded put off by it.
Daniel thought about what she just said. He didn't have the faintest clue, but he felt oddly…proud that she felt comfortable enough to share with him. "I don't know," he admitted truthfully, "but I do know that I'm here for you…whatever you need."
"I know," she muttered, "I think that might be why – you don't expect anything from me. Not money, favors, sexual or otherwise – you just want to help."
Had she…? The question burned too deeply in his mind for him not to ask. "Vala, have you – "
"I'm tired, Daniel," she interrupted him, and she did sound tired – more like weary actually.
Message received.
She tried to climb off his lap but she struggled more than he'd expected. He hadn't noticed when her weight became deadweight. Instead of letting her struggle, one arm went around her shoulders and the other under legs before he lifted them off the floor and deposited her on the bed. She watched in surprise as he wordlessly gathered the blankets from the floor and rearranged them and tucked them around her.
When he was done, Daniel gave her a gentle smile. "Goodnight, Vala," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.
As he started to back away, she grabbed his hand, stopping him, and he gave her an inquisitive look. But she didn't say anything, instead, her hands came to the back of his head, bringing his face closer as she escaped the cocoon he had put her in. She hesitated for a second, giving him an out, but he was too taken aback to notice and before he knew it, her lips were on his.
It was different from the kiss they shared on Prometheus, but still shared similarities. Unlike their first kiss, this one was sweet, gentle, and longer, but yet still held passion similar to their first kiss. Just like on Prometheus, Daniel kissed her back, matching her own enthusiasm, as he slowly lowered her back to the mattress…but seconds after he did, his brain caught up with him and just like with the kiss on Prometheus, he broke it.
"Vala, we're not doing this," he told her firmly, lifting his weight off of her.
"Daniel – "
"No," he cut her off, "I'm not taking advantage of you. I refuse to."
She smiled sadly at him. "So honorable," she mumbled before pressing one last kiss to his lips and rejoiced when he kissed her back, despite its shortness, "That's what is so amazing about you."
He was always uncomfortable with praise like that and did his best not to squirm. "You need to sleep," he told her softly and arranged the blankets again.
"Stay?" she pleaded.
He sighed. "Vala – "
"Just until I fall asleep?" she amended, "Please. You said whatever I need, and I need this."
Daniel sighed again. "Scoot over," he ordered.
Vala quickly did as instructed and he took a seat on top of the covers, leaning against the headboard. "Thank you, Daniel," she whispered earnestly as she laid on her side.
"No funny business," he warned.
"I promise," she told him earnestly before turning over so her back was to him.
It didn't take her as long to fall asleep as he thought it would, but she was out like a light within ten minutes. He wondered how long he should stay, but ultimately decided twenty minutes should be good. Hopefully by then, she would be in a deep sleep, and would be good for the rest of the night.
Around the fifteen-minute mark, she began to move in her sleep and mumbled, mainly in Goa'uld, and he could see it escalating quickly. He still didn't know if touching her was a no-go or not, but he didn't know what else to do and decided to try and decided to go for it but start out small. He gently shushed her as he brushed her hair away from her face. "You're safe," he whispered, his fingers gently stroking her cheek, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."
He repeated similar words and motions a couple of times before she eventually settled down, cuddling into his side. He resigned himself to the fact that he probably wasn't going to be leaving her room anytime soon. He only hoped he'd fall asleep soon…or else his brain would analyze that kiss to death.
Don't go there, he ordered himself. He tried to think of other things, but it was difficult when he had a soft, beautiful woman laying on top of him…well, halfway. A woman that kissed him, not once but three times now, and each one evoked an emotion he hadn't felt in a while – desire. Desire for her, for a companion, and dare he even admit it, a relationship.
How could one woman cause so much turmoil in his life in such a short amount of time? Looking at her now as she slept, she looked like a child, so small, innocent, and vulnerable, and all he wanted to do was protect her, to be there for her, to be the person that she had lacked her whole life. Just to be someone who cared, and that thought was probably what scared him the most.
Fuck. He was so screwed.