Fred was very comforting but Naty was not comforted. She cried quiet tears on the car ride to the hotel and once behind doors she released very loud sobs as she collapsed onto her bed. The sight of Chan having a panic attack replayed in her mind along with the fact that it was all of her fault. It had been a long time since Naty felt the truly crushing weight of guilt. She thought she would be flattened under the pressure of it.

It wasn't just that.

It was that on top of her blurting out that she had gone to rehab for four months. It was Tara using that against her. It was Tara threatening to expose her as a sasaeng and coupled with her history the world would believe it. It was the face of all the members of Stray Kids looking so devastated after such a good show. It was the fact that she felt like a horrible Stay and a horrible friend. She ruined their weekend just like Tara and Ashley predicted.

Naty was losing it. She was losing herself.

The tears were coming with the force of a hurricane. There was nothing she could do to stop it or calm herself. She was shaking and freezing and felt like it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

No.

Naty had to do something. She got up from bed though it took her ten minutes of sobbing to do so. She stood in the dark room for five minutes before finding her phone as a light. It took her six minutes to go to the minifridge and grab water. After that it took her seven minutes to take a sip. Ten minutes of just standing was required before she walked to the bathroom and turned on the light. The next twenty minutes of crying was because she didn't know if she should take a bath or a shower and because she was terrified to look in the mirror.

Her phone went off with a message from Pearl in the group chat.

That was it.

Phone a friend.

She immediately dialed without thinking and stood crying in the bathroom as she waited for her friend to answer, "Na—"

"Pearl," Naty cried.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"I-I'm having a panic attack," a rough sob escaped her.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in-n my hotel bathro-om."

"Are you safe?"

"Y-yEah. I am," was all Naty could release.

"Okay, we're going to do those breathing exercises you taught me. Do you remember?"

"I do."

"Okay, breathe in for four. One, two, three, four. Hold for seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Release for eight, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Now let's do it again."

The two went through the cycle three more times and by the time they finished Naty had more of her faculties working.

"You did a great job. Now do you have water?"

"I have water," Naty was chattering but she took a sip.

"Go on a take a bath. Put me on speaker and get everything ready."

Naty did what the woman said and put her on speaker while she turned on the tub and undressed. She slowly lowered herself into the rising waters. It was immediately calming and she shut her eyes a moment to breathe deep breaths of the warm water before grabbing the phone again.

"Are you feeling better?" Pearl's voice was so soft and fearful.

"I am. I'm so sorry Pearl. I just didn't know what to do," tears fell between her words.

"Don't you ever apologize. You did the right thing. Now…what happened? I thought it had been years since you've had a panic attack. What happened?"

Natty took in a deep breath, "It's all my fault. I ruined everything. The security team had to move him to another hotel but he managed to sneak away and have dinner with me. We just went to a fast-food restaurant and that was going to be it but then…but then they found out and…They threatened to…ruin my life! They said I got him in a lot of trouble that could damage his career. He tried to defend me and then…and then he had a panic attack! I gave him a panic attack! I messed everything u—"

"Whoa, whoa, there," Peal's soothing voice stopped her, "You're giving yourself too much credit. It doesn't sound to me like you gave him a panic attack. It sounds like that security team gave him a panic attack. That constant stress they've been putting on the both of you, in addition to the stress of his job, probably did it. But listen. You didn't do anything wrong, alright?"

"I yelled at the security team," Naty cried.

"And good for you. It sounds like they deserved it. Listen to me. You did your best. Okay? Go ahead and repeat that. You did your best," Pearl suggested.

"I don't know if I can say that," Naty frowned, watching the water fill up in the bathtub over her body.

"Did you?"

Naty paused a moment as she considered everything that had occurred over the past two days, "I think so. Yeah…I guess so. I did my best."

"You did. What was that dinner like though?" Pearl teased.

Naty let out a little sigh, "It was…amazing. He told me…he told me he liked me and wanted us to get to know each other. He wanted us to build toward something and he apologized for how much pressure it's all been. It was really sweet and we held hands."

"Oh…," Pearl sighed, "That sounds so lovely. And what do you think?"

"I think…" Naty began to cry once again, "I don't know why it has to be so hard."

"I'm sorry, Naty. It sounds like his job is extra difficult at the moment. There is such thing as right person, wrong time. This might just be your First Class Love," Pearl's tone was filled with sympathy and compassion.

Naty frowned, "What does that mean?"

"Well…remember last year when you got to fly First Class for the first time in your whole life?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, think of how hard you had to work to get there. You spent so much time working on sponsorship deals and content for your influencing. You poured your heart and soul to get that. You didn't just post a picture on Instagram and suddenly get to fly First Class. You had to work for it. Maybe…this is just the time you both need to keep working," Pearl's words reverberated through Naty in a gentle way.

"What do you mean by keep working?" Naty asked though she was afraid to hear the answer.

"It's just not healthy to be having panic attacks like this. Not healthy to blame yourself either. Maybe you both should take a break and keep chipping away at all the hard stuff. Things will fall back into place because you don't give up on a First Class Love. You do everything you can to keep flying."

Naty was quiet a moment, "I'm sorry, Pearl, that sounds like a load of B.S."

Pearl laughed heartily, "I know, but you get what I mean!"

She couldn't help but smile at the sound of her friend's laughter, "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Good. Now, I want you to go to sleep and dream good, good, good things. Okay?" Pearl demanded.

"Okay. I love you, Pearl," Naty smiled softly.

"I love you too."

Naty hung up the phone and sat in the warm bath water a few moments longer. Her mind was still, thanks to Pearl, but there was still the incredible weight on her chest. Her mind went through all that she had seen of Chan since they had been reunited. He was always calm, graceful, regal and yet she had broken him down to sadness and despair. She could not forgive herself. He probably felt the same.

The woman shut her eyes and sunk further down into the water until she was just below her nose. Pearl was right. She needed to go to sleep and rest. Things would be different in the morning.