WARNING: mentions of panic attacks.
The Way You Shake and Shiver
Everyone has that one thing that they swear is the answer to all life's problems. For example, Virgil believed that hugs made everything better, while for John it was chocolate. Penny believed that there wasn't a thing in the world that couldn't be remedied with a cup of tea, although Parker preferred a beer. Grandma Tracy insisted that a bubble bath could fix anything, Alan believed in the power of mind-numbing video games. A smile, no matter how forced, was Gordon's weapon of choice and for Scott it was coffee.
Kayo, meanwhile, was a firm believer in long, hot showers. There was just something soothing about the act of physically washing the day away. Not just the dirt and the grime or whatever else they'd been exposed to, but the emotions as well. She could imagine it all literally being rinsed from her body and disappearing down the drain.
Only today it wasn't working. The headache and nausea that had been building on the way home were slowly worsening, and her chest seemed unwilling to unknot itself. And now, to top it off, a sudden dizziness had struck her. As much as Kayo loved her showers, she was smart enough to know that those two things did not go well together, and she reluctantly turned the water off. Carefully, she stepped out, gripping the door to keep her balance. With shaky hands, she snagged her thick cotton dressing gown and wobbled back to her room. By the time she'd reached her bed, her heart was racing, and her mouth and throat somehow felt both dry and sticky.
Annoyed with herself, she scooped up her commlink from her bedside table and patched through a private line. 'Virgil… could I borrow you for a moment?'
This is stupid, a tiny voice in the back of her head told her. Why are you bothering him with this? This is pathetic, you can manage this yourself. But the other voice in her head, the first aid trained rescue voice, reminded her chest problems were not to be taken lightly. It was only thanks to having that training so well drummed into her that that second voice was able to override the first. Not that it made her feel any less stupid.
There was a respectful knock, then Virgil poked his head around the door. He was startled, obviously not expecting to find her fresh out of the shower and dressed only in her dressing gown, but one look at her face and he snapped into rescue mode. 'What's wrong?' he strode over to the bed.
Oh. It was obvious then. That was embarrassing. She cringed. 'I'm not sure.'
'Okay.' He joined her on the edge of the bed. 'Symptoms?'
She listed them off for him, along with how long she'd been experiencing each one for. While she hated admitting weakness as much as any of them, Kayo also knew that it was better to be honest with Virgil. He was way more forgiving when you were honest, and sentences in the infirmary had been known to be reduced by half when people were upfront (a little tip she'd tortured out of Gordon). Virgil nodded along as she spoke, picking up her wrist and checking her pulse.
'Hm.' He released her wrist and frowned. 'You're not going to like this.'
Even in its heightened state, her heart skipped a beat. 'Why?'
'Because I think you might be having a panic attack.'
'But –'
'Everyone experiences a panic attack differently,' he reminded her. 'This is nothing to be ashamed of. Now, let's get you through this. What do you need?'
What Kayo really needed, more than anything in the world, was to not be having a panic attack in front of one of her brothers while she wasn't even properly dressed. That would be really nice. But… she didn't really want to send Virgil away either. Kayo had no idea how to deal with a panic attack – at least, not when she was the one experiencing it – and that in itself was terrifying, and it made the whole situation a thousand times worse.
'I don't know,' she said.
'That's okay,' Virgil soothed. 'How about we start by focusing on some breathing exercises?'
'And if that doesn't work?'
Virgil smiled at her. 'Kayo, who do you think you're talking to? I've got about a million different techniques up my sleeve. If this doesn't work, we'll try something else. Okay?'
'Okay.' She tried to return the smile, although it was debatable how successful she was. She was sure Virgil understood though. Virgil was nothing if not understanding.
'Alright. Let's start by taking a nice deep breath in.'