Wish You Were Here

by pinkrelish

Bestfriend!Eddie x Fem!Reader. Dreams were meant to die in small towns like Hawkins. No amount of hours bleeding on the balance beam would pull you out of poverty and turn you into the gymnastics star your mother wanted. Some days, when it was just you and Eddie hanging out, it didn't matter. But, one day, an opportunity presented itself. One he would never forgive. Nor forget.

9. A Slow Rejection

Chapter 9: A Slow Rejection

—January 1, 1986—

[One missed call. One new message.]

"Hey! It's getting pretty late, so I thought you'd be back by now.. Call me when you get this, so I know you made it okay."

—January 3, 1986—

[One missed call. One new message.]

"Are you back to working on Fridays? Wayne let me know you made it home safe. Uh.. Miss you and stuff. Call when you can."

—January 12, 1986—

[Two missed calls. Two new messages.]

"Been missing you, again.. Been so long, I'm starting to forget what your voice sounds like. Ha, I know, I'm being dramatic, but yeah.. It's really not fair Wayne's gotten all your calls, while I pick up the ones from bill collectors. I'm sure he's a real riot, too. Telling the same story about how he tore his thumbnail clean off in that accident at the plant, but need I remind you, I'm the one you're supposed to be.. Oh, fuck–shit–!"

"Man, sorry about that. You ever manage to burn pasta? Anyway. What was I saying? Right! We should try scheduling calls again, so we stop missing each other. Well, I guess we'd have to talk in the first place, but you know what I mean. Hope to catch you soon, so we can work something out."

—January 24, 1986—

[Three missed calls. Three new messages.]

"I know you're out of town for a meet, but Goddamn, I hope you don't mind me ranting–because–holy shit, I just dropped the biggest plot twist on the club tonight. They totally didn't see it coming, and shit, I've been planning it from the start. I've got even more twists later in the campaign, but this one was so good.. Hey, If I fill this whole cassette, I'm sorry, babe, I'm just excited–"

—January 27, 1986—

Every part of you ached. Wincing at the smallest tasks like lacing up your boots, and zipping your winter coat. Lower back pleading with you to stop bending over to pick up your purse. Arms shaking under the strain of textbooks. Eyes burning from lack of sleep. Head spinning. Water. Food. You needed both, had time for neither. Instead, you grabbed your waitress uniform, loaded your other shoulder with your gym bag, and walked the three flights of stairs down to the parking lot.

"God fucking damnit."

You dragged the door closed from the white abyss, and stomped up three flights of stairs, rage simmering to a boil as you remembered you left the ice scraper and shovel behind.

But as soon as you entered the hallway, you sprinted. You could hear your phone ringing.

"Hello?" you answered, disguising the nauseating hope in your voice under a layer of genuine curiosity at who would be calling at dawn, and a touch of fear in case it was bad news.

It was never bad news when it came to him.

"Hey!" The pure relief in Eddie's exhale wrapped you in a warm hug, placed a chaste kiss on your chapped cheeks. "I finally caught you."

Finally. God.. finally you could reconnect with him after he swept you off your feet on New Year's Eve.

You imbued your gratefulness into your voice, trusting he'd understand the magnitude of comfort he brought you, "Shouldn't you be getting ready for school too, Munson?"

"I'm going, I'm going," he promised with that little laugh of his, surely grinning ear to ear, pacing around his kitchen, probably annoying Wayne. "I just had a feeling I should try calling in the morning, and hey, it worked out. Do you have time to talk?" He knew the answer as soon as he asked, hearing the pause.

"I'm sorry." Another pause. He didn't interrupt. "My car's buried under snow, and I'm running late as is."

"It snowed there?"

"Mhm.." Certainly did, and if you didn't get a move on, your coach was going to chew you out. But the temptation to keep sharing this blip in time was too enticing. Pretending things were better. "If you were here, would you shovel the snow for me? Scrape the ice off my windows?"

Eddie's boyish, smitten murmur tingled across your skin. "Of course I would, baby," he spoke in a lower range, in a whisper from where his heart resided. "Wouldn't even have to ask. I'd take care of it."

You knew he would. He was reliable like that.

"I'd have breakfast made, too," he said. "Probably something frozen, but! Not to brag or anything, I know the exact amount of time to microwave a burrito so the inside is cooked, but the outside isn't soggy, nor stale." His warmth coaxed you into joining him in laughing, but it was repressed. Hollow. Delaying the inevitable. You both knew what was coming.

Aware he was burning the spare minutes you could afford, he asked the question you dreaded answering, "Do you have time to talk later?"

Oh, Eddie. Silencing your apology before it upset him more, you explained, "I have work later. What about Wednesday?"

"I have a date booked with Jeff's mom. They moved into a new house over the weekend, and need help fixing faulty electrical stuff in their bathrooms. His dad is out of town in Indy. How about Thursday?"

"I'm usually in the gym until 11, and I have an exam to study for the next day.. I'm really busy during the Spring semester, with competing and stuff, on top of school bullshit–exams, papers, projects, whatever–and waitressing."

"Mm.."

"Yeah.."

"Yeah."

Ugly silence.

He said, "Well, I'll let you go. We can work something out some other time."

"Of course," you promised. "Some other time."

—February 8, 1986—

[No missed calls. One old message.]

"Uh.. I had to convince your roommate not to answer the phone, so I could leave this, and uh.. Now I feel super cheesy, but I wanted you to have a message waiting for you when you got back from New York–and–here it is, I guess. Jessica, are you listening to this? Whatever, I wanted to say I missed you, and hope you won all golds. I know you did, because you're the best, but I wanted to wish you all the luck in the world, regardless if you needed it or not. Think of it like you opened a chest and found a Stone of Good Luck. +1 to all your rolls.. or tumbles, I guess.. Jesus Christ, I swear I'm done being weird. Call me when you're back. Okay, bye."

—February 9, 1986—

You called. No answer.

—February 10, 1986—

You listened to the fourth ring on the other end, and hung up. Defeat welcomed you like an old friend. Draped its blanket over your shoulders, squeezed you tighter than the lump in your throat, and reminded you to grab your new grips for the uneven bars on your way out of your dorm. It's not like you had time to talk, anyway. You just wanted to try.

—

Eddie sprinted from his van. He heard it, he heard it, he heard it. Trailer door was locked. Wayne wasn't home. God. Fucking. Loose doorknob he'd meant to fix yesterday knocking his keys from his shaky hands. Hehearditheheardit. Scraping his nails on the steps. Couldn't find the right key. No, not the gold one, the bronze. Fucking hell. The ringing stopped. Maybe he could still–

He got the door open and dialed your number faster than his tunnel vision could discern. "Pick up, pick up, pick up."

Ringing, ringing.

It rang. It rang.

It clicked over to voicemail.

—February 12, 1986—

You took matters into your own hands.

—February 15, 1986—

"There's a letter from your girlfriend waiting for you on your nightstand," Wayne told him.

Eddie reminded him with a dull glare, "Not my girlfriend." To which his uncle's grin grew, watching his nephew fidget under the scrutiny of his curious gaze.

"It was delivered yesterday. What exactly do you call someone who sends you a Valentine's card?"

Paling, then flushing at the suggestion, Eddie's tongue stumbled over a half-assed response about the date being a coincidence, and disengaged from the odd twinkle in Wayne's eye, hurrying down the hall to his room. Closing the door behind him, and locking it just in case.

The density of the card was substantial in his palm. He wanted to take his time, but his eagerness got the better of him. He ripped into the envelope and pulled out the thin letter stuffed with goodies. Beige cardstock. Crinkled along the top.

He meant to read the note first, but when he unfolded it, an abundance of riches slid to the floor, onto his dirty Reeboks. "What the.." With shame, he gathered the money first. It was no secret Wayne was throwing away the bills before Eddie could see the bright red stamps of FINAL NOTICE on them. Any time the lights went out, they would share a look from across the trailer, or a sigh if it was at night, until they flickered on due to a random outage. Things were rarely permanently cut, they made sure of that–with longer shifts at the plant, and Eddie selling weed, amps, acts of service, whatever he didn't need–but there was always the looming threat. A voice in the back of his head when he needed to buy milk, and it had gone up another 4 cents. Morals; that's what those voices were. Allusions of rules set by the wealthy. He bought the things he cared about, and stole the rest.

But with what you gave him..

"Damn," he whispered, counting. Recounting. The weight of the money was comfort stacked in his dirty hands. A warm greeting after a long, cold day of working on his pregnant neighbor's car for next to nothing. Granting him, and Wayne, the luxury of rest. It was enough to pay what they owed. Maybe more.

"Luckiest man on Earth," he said, in reference to his sweet girl. "And you sent me.." He picked up the Polaroids and matched them to the paragraphs in the letter. One of you on a podium when you won first place overall; the picture was taken from the sidelines, far away. Another one of you competing on beam. Cute. Nice back shot of you in a leotard, too. Then..

You were at the edge of a pier overlooking the Statue of Liberty. Another girl was beside you, arms hooked around each other's waist, having the other hand raised in the air as if you were holding the torch. The pose helped open your jean jacket, and beneath that, he saw peeking between the buttons, his Hellfire shirt.

"Sweetest girl." He shook the picture steadily, like a nod. Gradually doing it more vigorously, until he was outright slapping it across his other fingers. "Goddamn, baby. You make me so proud." Wearing his Dungeons and Dragons shirt out in public.

You would be a keeper, if you were his.

—February 17, 1986—

He meant to write back.

—February 22, 1986—

[One missed call. One new message.]

".. I know it's been a while, I'm sorry I haven't called. Things got busy over here. Seems like when one thing goes wrong, more piles on. Did finish my book report for class, though, so you can be proud of me for that.. Yeah, miss you. Hope you're doing okay. I don't know if you've been calling and we've both been missing them, but Wayne hasn't heard from you, either. You're competing out of town today, aren't you? Uhm.. Call when you can. And thank you for sending us money. Bye."

—February 26, 1986—

You meant to call back.

—March 1, 1986—

Nothing really happened to trigger it, he was just sad.

Eddie sat at the kitchen table. Small and cramped with magazines and mail. He picked at a scab on his knuckle, twisted the black ring around his finger. Was tired, hungry. Quiet, and reserved from his usual personality, using all his energy yesterday to entertain Hellfire. Wayne would be back soon, he knew. The grocery store closed in 30 minutes. He just needed to occupy himself until then, but couldn't find anything to do. New Metallica album in two days. He could listen to his bootlegs and finesse a song. But.. None of it sounded intriguing right now. Instead, his mind filled in the blanks. What were you doing on a Saturday night? Were you in your dorm? Out with friends? Working? Training? On a date–?

No. He stopped himself from fleshing out that last thought.

Tucking himself into the corner, huddling until his shoulders sagged, and drawing a knee to his chest, he grabbed the phone from above his head and dialed.

It didn't matter if you couldn't talk for long, he just wanted to hear your voice. Your voice would make things better. Shake him out of this cycle. These unfair consequences of being the one who could leave remnants of his heart for you to listen to at your leisure, but wasn't afforded the same luxury. Unless you were both available, he didn't get to hear you speak. Just ringing, ringing, ringing. Suffering ringing.

Wrapping his arm around his leg in a hug, he rested his temple on the stained wallpaper, and rocked his head back and forth, grinding his forehead into the wall. Ringing. Ringing. The same position he took when he was a boy, on the rare–very rare–occasion his mother called on his birthday, or Christmas. Mostly Christmas, that was easier for her to remember. And he sat in this exact arrangement, curled up as small as he can be, wishing the person on the other end of the line loved him.

"Just thinking of you," he said, after swallowing the thick spit in his mouth foretelling the water in his eyes. "Miss you. Call me when you get this." He hung up.

—March 5, 1986—

You wanted to call, but last week's graded essay was burned onto the back of your eyelids. So much red ink.

Under the buzzing fluorescent lights of the library, you squeezed in the last of your allotted time before they closed, and forced your cramped hand to write, making it to your dorm in time to pass out.

[No missed calls. No new messages.]

—March 8, 1986—

He meant to start his letter to you. Really.

—March 10, 1986—

The quarter-sized blister on your palm you attained due to your own negligence around the flat top griddle at work burst on your fourth pull up. Fluid snaked down your forearm, cutting a stark line through the chalk. Coach would be livid if he knew you had a job. No distractions, he said. Not for champions like you.

[No missed calls. No new messages.]

—March 15, 1986—

Wayne took one look at him and sighed. He pulled Eddie's wobbly desk chair up beside the bed, and sat facing him, lighting a cigarette. The heavy wooden box beside his nephew's feet told him everything he needed to know.

Eddie held out his hand for Wayne's lighter and lit the end of a joint.

"So," his uncle started, drawing his eyes from the decades of memories stacked neatly in the keepsake box taken from the top shelf of the closet, to the Polaroids tacked onto the wall above his bed, to the worn black journals spread around the boy who laid there with his eyes on the ceiling, moping. "What's gotten to ya, now?"

"Same old," Eddie answered. Nonchalant, he took a drag on the joint pinched between his thumb and index, and rested his wrist on his forehead. Wayne waited patiently. And as usual, Eddie caved under the silence. "Unless she's purposefully calling when we're busy, she's just.. not calling at all, and I don't know what pisses me off more." He shook his head. Long shakes, rolling cheek to cheek on his limp pillows. Eyes drifting closed. "I think I fucked up."

Wayne leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs, preparing himself for a long conversation. "Why do you think that, son?"

The corner of his mouth twitched at the memory. "I promised her we'd be together forever, and she said 'okay.' That's all. 'Okay.'" He started to mock himself, "I want to be with you forever," and shifted his pitch higher, "Okay!" Eddie stopped his theatrics, and sank to his mattress. "Jesus."

"You seemed really happy the next morning when I came home.. Are you sure you're not reading too much into her reaction? Maybe she was surprised, is all I'm sayin'." Eddie didn't give so much of an eyeroll, as it was him sliding his gaze away from Wayne, disinterested in analyzing what he'd been poring over for the past few months in solitude; as the phone calls decreased, and his loneliness worsened. "Why don't you tell me exactly what it is you said?"

At an impasse, they inhaled their vices at the same time, and tapped them into the ashtray on Eddie's nightstand in sync.

"Fine," Eddie heeded, "But it's not like I remember it verbatim." Wayne spun his hand in encouragement to try. "It was something along the lines of.. I don't know, man. She has these amazing opportunities lined up for her, and I told her after I graduate, I'm gonna work odd jobs, so wherever she goes, I can go with her, so we can.. you know, be together. Forever. I explicitly stated 'forever.' I'll follow her forever, so we never have to be alone."

Wayne spoke with the cigarette between his lips, "Sounds sorta stalker-like."

"Thanks."

"I'm just givin' ya a hard time," he said, after a slight laugh, and a coughing fit. His nephew seemed less amused, rubbing the back of his thumb across his forehead in a self-soothing gesture. "Was there anything else?"

Eddie burned through another fraction of his joint as he recalled that night. "She sucks at taking care of herself, so I said she needed her best friend there to look after her. Meaning me, obviously. Y'know, help keep her car functioning, make sure she gets rest so her injuries heal, cook for her because she doesn't eat when she's stressed. Stuff like that. I just want to be there for her, and.. Why're you looking at me like that?"

Cigarette paused half-way to his mouth, Wayne debated with himself over which style of guidance he should take. For as long as he'd known him, Eddie was stubborn. Liked to figure things out for himself. But this? This was a little much for Wayne to sit back and watch.

"You told her that.. platonically?" he asked, a touch of astoundment at his nephew's stupidity in his inflection.

"Yes."

Jesus, kid. Get a clue. "And did it ever occur to you.." he drawled, waving his cigarette, "to tell her how you really felt, so you wouldn't have to go through this? So you'd have a definite answer, whether she rejected you or not, and we could avoid all this back and forth worryin'?"

Eddie begged him to understand, "You know I can't just.. say that to her. I mean, I said everything but that and all she could say was 'okay.' What if I actually told her? Made some grand confession at midnight, and kissed her? Christ, at least she still sort of talks to me." He cut his arm across his chest. Quick, hard, and final. "No. No way am I doing that."

Calming himself down, the joint between his fingers burned to a nub, and he spoke through the haze. "We're finally friends again. I'm not going to jeopardize what we have by talking about my feelings."

"Well, you've already lost her once, and you're worried it's happening again.. So, why not risk it?"

"Because now I know what it feels like for her to be a stranger."

---

More words were exchanged, and many of them circled around the same subject without a resolution, but Wayne made sure to end the night on a positive note before he left for work.

He leaned over and dusted the ash from Eddie's hair, pushing the fringe out of his face for a sincere, long moment of eye contact. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

"I hope she calls. I'm sorry, son."

—March 16, 1986—

The red lights on your alarm clock blared 2:35AM. You rolled over, adjusted the foam cups of your headphones onto your ears, brought the quilt to your chin, and rewound the tape to play it from the beginning.

"Crashed at Rick's last night.. Sorry if you called."

Then, a slurred message an hour later. "M-Mm.. Miss you.. I.. Hm? I.. Damn." A drink spilled. Music played in the background. Something recognizable in the depths of your subconscious, but too quiet to place. Eddie inhaled deep, held his breath, and resumed with a steady cadence, "Wish you were here."

—March 19, 1986—

Black. Black. Black. Searing white.

You came to holding onto a rope, and someone's hand gripping your shoulder, acting as your sole buoy in the sea of your dizzy spell.

"Are you okay? Don't answer that." Katherine's voice cut like a snake's tongue. She lowered you to the spring floor next to the foam pit, and released a string of infuriated whispers about miracles, and you not falling from higher up. They came muffled against the high-pitched whine in your ears, and the pounding heart beats racing blood to your face.

She had a first aid kit with her. "Hello? Do you not feel that?" You looked at your hands. A cold flash of sweat prickled your skin. Nausea rose. The bleeding wasn't bad, but it did leave a streaking trail on the last few feet of knotted rope dangling beside you.

At least Coach was in his office while the rest of you did your conditioning, so he didn't see.

You rubbed your knuckles into your brow bone. "I think those caffeine pills caught up with me," you muttered. Kat sucked her teeth, and handed you what you needed to patch up your torn calluses.

"I wish you'd stop taking those and give yourself a break. Rest isn't a punishment."

You may not have known her long, but she was the first friend you made, and her disappointed voice struck you in a way your Coach's didn't. Kat understood. She had a similar upbringing to you, and could relate. She also worked at the diner, and you helped cover for each other when other girls asked why you couldn't make it to their bonding nights out.

And being vulnerable with her meant she knew intimate details of your life no one else did, and you were beginning to regret it.

Not really. But it sucked when she knew she was right.

"I can't take a break now," you mumbled, surveying the rest of the gym to make sure your conversation was private. "I've gotta study for next week. Gotta go to work. Gotta make money. Gotta–gotta–" You moved your hands erratically, drying the sharp sting of rubbing alcohol on your palms. "Gotta live up to everyone's expectations."

"Why not at least cut your hours at work? I know you don't need the money that bad right now."

"No.. But he does."

The exasperated sigh Kat released grazed your cheek. She placed the first aid kit in her lap, and shifted closer to you. The side of her thigh squished against yours, and you wondered if anyone else on Earth would have stopped breathing at the small sign of affection. If anyone else's eyes welled with tears at what others took for granted.

Kat's tone went gentle, "You're killing yourself over a guy who will never commit. You deserve better than that. Why not try going out with Roger again? You already know he likes you." She bumped your shoulder and tipped her head at the group of sweaty guys standing under the rings. Most notably the stand-out amongst the men's team jumping and grasping the apparatus, hoisting himself up for minute-long holds in poses that had your abs burning in empathy.

Roger was nice. His smile was nice. His short, sandy blonde hair was nice. Your date with him at the Italian restaurant in town was nice. He paid for the meal, which was nice. His eyes crinkled when he laughed at your bad jokes in a nice way. He made it a point to walk you to your dorm at night, like a nice man. He spoke to you nicely. He hugged you tight, and long. And when you made your intentions clear, he accepted you didn't want a kiss, and left like a gentleman, without complaint. Nice. He was nice.

"You didn't hear the way Eddie said–" the most romantic thing anyone had ever promised you.

"He called you his best friend." She took over bandaging for you, turning her body to block the others from seeing the tears run down your cheeks. "He doesn't love you like you want, and you're starting to worry me. Well.. You've been worrying me. You need to take care of yourself, first. Coach might turn a blind eye because you're still able to compete, but I see the way the stress has been eating away at you." An opportune moment for your stomach to growl. "And I love you, and I want better for you than some guy who's not into you, taking advantage of your kindness."

"Eddie's not like that. He's different.." you offered meekly. "You don't know him like I do."

"Just.. consider going out with Roger again. Pay attention to the date. How he treats you, what he says. Maybe compare him to Eddie, and see what I mean."

Done patching you up, Kat tossed the first aid kit to the side while you chalked your hands over the bowl, not caring the white powder clung to the wet smears on your face. She opened her mouth when you grabbed the rope again, fists on her hips not unlike a mother who actually cared for her children.

"You're going to get hurt," she said.

You put your weight on the rope. Your open flesh wrung against the fiber, padded by a few layers of athletic tape rapidly losing their adhesive from the blooming blood soaking through. The pain stung deep. Not enough for you to quit. You could persevere. Climb up to the rafters of the gym, and back down again without rest two more times, as Coach instructed. You could remain calm. Focus on the task, finish it, and still read your textbook until the crack of dawn, and go in for a quick morning shift at the diner before your afternoon class. You could do it all. You could. You could do it all if it meant securing a future for you, and for Eddie.

You replied, "Maybe I will.. But it'll be worth it."

Kat waited until you were half-way up to question, "Will it?"

—March 21, 1986—

If Eddie answered, you wouldn't go out with Roger. That was the deal.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," you whispered with your head resting against the doorway to the back of the diner. The two line cooks gave you sympathetic looks. "Pick up," you pleaded with a bite of anger.

You hung up.

Dialed again.

"Come on, Eddie.."

When he didn't answer, you let Kat embrace you in the walk-in cooler, blotting your tears on her brown uniform shirt, and she listened to you sob about how not only had the phone calls stopped, Eddie had stopped calling you by pet names long before that.

—

Roger was soft. His grin was soft. His hair was soft, brushing across your forehead. The callus on his thumb was smooth, soft as he traced your bottom lip. The back of his fingers were soft as he caressed them over your cheek. His lips were soft, too. Placing them gently on the corner of yours after you turned away at the last second.

His voice was soft. "You don't like me, do you?"

"I'm sorry.." You struggled to say more. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," he said, and left. Softly spoken through the rejection, and accepting it like the nice man he was, not coercing you into more.

"I'm sorry," you apologized, long after Roger walked away. You went inside your dorm, and did the thing you always did, pressing the blinking light on your answering machine, noticing the cassette through the plastic window hadn't moved.

[One missed call. No new messages.]

Oh.

He'd never not left a message before..

—March 22, 1986—

You awoke with a start. "Wha–?" Your bloodshot eyes refused to open under the disturbing amount of daylight streaming through your window. What was that noise? Was the phone ringing?

The phone was most definitely ringing.

Answering under the grog of not knowing when you went to sleep, nor what day it was, you said the first thing that came to mind, "Eddie?" You winced, and jerked the phone away, taking a moment to place the loud, exuberant–panicked–voice on the other side. "..Dustin?"