A/N: Thank you all for reading! I'm sorry this update is late- crazy week! I'll put a trigger warning here- talks of Lewis. I do not own these characters! Read please!

Elliot POV

I stopped in front of her and knelt on the floor. And when she looked at me, there was a darkness in her eyes, a pain and despair that threatened to suffocate me. My heart broke for her. How could I not have known? "I went back in the room, and I talked. I wanted to kill him. Thought about using the blowtorch on him. I talked about you. How you would know what to do. How you would pretty much beat him."

Ha. I would've killed him. "I would've found you. And I would've made him wish that he was never born." He grasped her hands in mine. Olivia has always been strong. I now know how strong she's had to be.

"He came to, and we went back and forth. He told me about his father. His father was a monster too. But I didn't care. At that point, I wanted him dead. He told me I didn't have the balls to shoot him. And, I don't know El, something in me broke. I allowed myself to become like him."

"What the hell are you talking about, Liv?" She looks up at me, and tears start to fall. "He got to me. I let him get to me. And everything closed in. Elliot, I picked up that metal bar, and while he was handcuffed, I beat him with everything I had. I beat him so bad, that there was no possible way that he should've survived." I squeezed her hands. A part of me was proud, I won't lie. The bastard deserved it. He needed to die. Wait. "Should've? He lived?" She nodded. "Yes. He survived. I have no clue how but he did. Apparently, the beating I gave him crushed his knee, fractured his skull, busted his orbital socket, and he had a collapsed lung. And he was blind and deaf on one side." I don't give two shits. He should've died. Son of a bitch.

"They brought me out of that house, and the way everyone looked at me. That was one of the hardest parts. And then recovering from my injuries and then the PTSD. I testified before a grand jury that he had broken free of his restraints and I used what was necessary to subdue him. I lied. And then, when the trial came up, I had to lie again. And Lewis- he acted as his own attorney, and the judge allowed him to treat me as a hostile witness. He had charmed the forewoman of the jury. They found him not guilty on attempted murder and attempted rape. And guilty on kidnapping and assault on a police officer. It was over." Thank God. He's getting his in prison.

"A few months later, I was getting a coffee, on my way to work, and I get a video call. It was him, and he said missed me." No. NO. Fuck. I stood, and paced around her living room. I cannot believe this.

"He had escaped. The forewoman I mentioned earlier slipped him some drug into cupcakes, and he died. Then, miraculously, came back to life and went on a rape/murder spree. At that time, I was acting commander of SVU, but once 1PP heard that I was his prime objective, I was temporarily relieved of my duty and put under protective guard. They sent in Lt. Declan Murphy to lead the team to apprehend Lewis. And at the beginning, I wasn't sure that I could trust him, but at the end, he proved himself to be a good man. Anyway, Lewis ended up at his prison doctor's house, killed her, and raped and tortured her teenage daughter and kidnapped the other daughter-she was a little girl. I was horrified. And Lewis used her to bait me." I walked back over and sat down next to her, and put my hand on her shoulder. I knew without a doubt what she did. "You left your protective detail." I wasn't questioning her, I know she would do anything to save a little girl. She gave the side grin. "Not before he got me to admit on the 6 o'clock news that I had lied under oath at his trial and before the grand jury. A sergeant of the NYPD admitting to excessive force and perjury. Wasn't a good look." Dammit. This man- he doesn't deserve that word association- that monster really wanted to destroy her. My Liv. My partner. The heart- my heart. It kills me on the inside that I wasn't here. That I didn't know the amount of torture and suffering. Olivia was quiet, she lifted the wine glass to her mouth and sipped. She didn't meet my gaze, and I saw a tear drop from her cheek down onto her soft pants. I reached up and caught the second one. She looked up at me, and I could see the pain and regret in her eyes. She nodded at me and did a couple of calming breaths. She reached up and grabbed my hand, holding it kinda in her lap and gave me a smile. I nodded for her to continue.

"And yes, I did ditch them. I knew what he was capable of, and I couldn't let that happen to an innocent. And he wanted me. So, I commandeered a town car, and met him. He tossed my vest, gun, and phone. He kept my radio, and drove me to an abandoned granary. He gave me a talk about how he was an "agent of change, that I'd never forget him". He had the girl tied up at the top of the tower, and she looked unharmed when I checked her over and I was relieved. That's when he gave me the choice." What fucking choice? She continued.

"That he could rape her first, and let me watch- or me first. And I told him to rape me." Of course you fucking did. Goddammit. I breathed like they taught me in therapy, and I knew by her expression my face was red and my eyes probably looked like I was about to punch a hole in her wall. She squeezed my hand and continued. "So, he duct taped my legs to the legs of a table, handcuffed my left hand to the side and duct taped my right hand to the other. Spread out and no way to fight. And like last time, he started. He groped me, me kissed me, and went to undo my- but I offered no resistance. And that made him bored. Elliot, he didn't rape me." I exhaled, not realizing that I had been holding my breath. Thank God. Fucking bastard. "Instead, he took out a revolver, emptied all the bullets except one, and with a Glock held on me, he made me play Russian Roulette with him." I stood again. I sucked in a deep breath, and consoled myself on the knowledge that she was here, alive and breathing. "Liv, I know that you lived- but what- did he die? Or did the squad get to you in time?" She held her finger up. "The squad didn't get there until moments after the fact. They got to the granary when there were three chambers left. And he turned on my radio to let them listen. He went, then I went, and then he went again. Last chamber, last bullet, and it was my turn. He told me to say goodbye, and turned the radio off. He then held my face to look at him, told me that this would be the last thing I'd see before I died. And in that moment, I truly believed that I wasn't walking out of there. And another part of myself died. He switched hands, held the gun in his left hand, held my face with his right, and shot and killed himself. Amelia- the little girl screamed. And I, I was in shock."

A/N: That's where I'm going to leave us for now. The next chapter should be the last chapter where Lewis is mentioned. Thank you guys for reading and please review!!