A/N: So, I finally sat down to finish the story. I'm very sorry for how long it took.
It ended up vey ooc, so I apologize for that as well, but that's just how it came out.
I hope you still enjoy it
As Daryl's dream slowly faded away, the first thing he became aware of, even before opening his eyes, was how good Michonne's body felt against his. She was lying along his side with her head on his shoulder, and he had his arm around her back. He remained like that for a little while, just feeling her being there, then opened his eyes.
Just as he began to debate whether to wake her up, Michonne suddenly jumped up, nearly giving him a heart attack. She scanned the room with a look of pure alarm until her eyes landed on Daryl, whose breathing hadn't quite gotten back to normal yet.
"What's wrong?" he managed to ask.
"Nothing, I…" she started, still looking around. "It's just… we were both asleep."
Daryl got an "ok, but what's the problem?" look for a couple of seconds and then it hit him: while they'd been out just the two of them on countless occasions, not once had they slept at the same time before. Yep, that was a problem.
"This can't happen again," Michonne said as she got up and started to get dressed.
Daryl was expecting Michonne to say something along those lines, of course. After all, she was a bad-ass, beautiful woman, and he was… well, him. But it still made him sad. More than he expected, if he was being truthful.
"We have to be more careful from now on," she added while retrieving two cereal bars from her bag, one of which she offered him.
Daryl's expression changed from sad to bewildered. "So… you wanna… do this again?" he asked as he moved his hand back and forth between them.
"Oh… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume, but I see that I have," she answered, looking embarrassed and a little downcast. "I really am sorry. It's just… it felt like you liked it…"
"I did," Daryl interjected.
"Oh," Michonne uttered again as she took this information in, and it was her turn to look bewildered.
"I just… I dunno… I thought it was just a one-time thing, that you wouldn't wanna be with me again," Daryl said.
"Why would you think that?"
"Because… you are you… and I'm me," he responded in a low voice, not looking at her.
Michonne's chest tightened. She walked up to Daryl, gently turned his face to hers, so she could look into his eyes, and said, "I want to be with you because you are you." She then put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Five days went by as Michonne and Daryl cleared buildings during the day and enjoyed each other at night. While these had certainly been five of the best days in Daryl's life, if not the actual best, he always went to sleep a little sad. The sex was amazing, he had absolutely no complaints there whatsoever. But he kept thinking about that first time, about how they'd fallen asleep together, about how good it'd felt to wake up with Michonne lying against him. And he wanted that again.
Those five days had also shifted something for Michonne. She hadn't felt that alive since… well, since. She didn't even know she was still able to feel some of the things she was feeling. And she was scared.
It took Daryl another two days to gather up the courage to talk to Michonne. It was the evening before they were due to move to yet another city and they were sitting on the living floor, having just finished eating. Michonne turned to him, cupped his face, and was about to kiss him, but he interrupted her by taking her hand and kissing it instead.
" 'Chonne, I, um, wanted to talk to you."
"Oh, of course," she answered, a mixture of confusion and concern showing on her face.
"It's just… we've been away for three weeks now. I thought… maybe… we could go back tomorrow?"
"Back to the prison? But we planned on searching for four weeks; we've only got two more towns to go."
"I know, but… things changed," Daryl said, his face turning red as he looked down.
"Well, yes, they have. But why does that mean we have to go back?"
"Because…" Daryl's face was beyond red now, "because I wanna be with you."
"But… isn't that what we've been doing?" she asked, confused again.
"Yes, but not for real," he responded. "Don't get me wrong, you're amazin'," he quickly added, "but I don't wanna be looking over your shoulder, half expectin' a walker to barge in." Daryl looked back at Michonne, straight into her eyes, and added, "I wanna really be with you."
Michonne didn't quite know how to respond. In all truth, it had gotten increasingly difficult to turn around and say "do you want first or second watch?" as soon as they finished having sex, but that's just how it had to be.
"I… I'm sorry Daryl. I want to be with you too, but I can't go back yet. What if tomorrow is the day we were going to find him, but we don't because we went back early?"
Daryl took a deep breath and said what really needed saying, "you know Andrea wasn't your fault, right, 'Chonne?"
Her whole body tensed, she clenched her hands into fists, looked away from him, and said, "I left her there."
"You tried gettin' her out, but she chose to stay."
"I shouldn't have left her there."
"She was a grown woman, 'Chonne."
Michonne suddenly turned to Daryl and screamed, "I WASN'T THERE! ANDREA NEEDED ME, AND I WASN'T THERE! ANDRE NEEDED ME, AND I WASN'T THERE!"
Daryl's alarm increased tenfold when she started crying. He had no idea what to do, but he realized his body had decided for him when he found himself walking towards her. He tried to hug her, but she shoved him off and continued to scream and cry.
"NO! I DON'T DESERVE IT! I LEFT HIM!"
Daryl's brain registered some confusion in the background, but that wasn't important at that moment. He tried to hug her again and this time somewhat succeeded, her attempts to push him away getting weaker and weaker until he was holding her sobbing face to his chest as she kept repeating "he was my little boy, and I left him", over and over.
He held on to her until he felt it was safe to move, going over to the sofa and sitting down with her. She immediately lied down with her head on his lap, curled into a ball and quietly cried herself to sleep.
Daryl sat there, absently caressing Michonne's shoulder and thinking. He thought about his life before, about Sophia, about when he had thought Carol had died, about Merle. None of it came close.
Daryl didn't know how long they stayed that way. He might have even dozed off at some point, he wasn't sure. But eventually Michonne stirred then sat up, legs crossed, and looked down. He waited a little before he reached for one of her hands so he could take it into his. She let him do it but didn't look his way.
"Was he your son?" he asked quietly.
"Yes," she answered, also quietly, as a tear formed at the corner of her eye.
Daryl kissed the back of her hand. "I'm…" he didn't know how to express what he felt, sorry just didn't seem to do it.
"I know," Michonne responded as she squeezed his hand.
They stayed quiet a while longer.
"I don't know what happened," Daryl started, "and you don't have to tell me," he quickly added as he saw Michonne take a deep breath. "I'm here if you ever wanna talk about it, though."
"Thank you," Michonne said.
He squeezed her hand before he started again, "I may not know what happened, but one thing I do know – if you weren't there, it's because you couldn't be there."
"I'm his mom, it was my job to keep him safe. I should have been there."
"Sometimes we just can't, 'Chonne, you know it," Daryl said. "How long have we been fightin' together? How many times have you saved me? If you couldn't help him, it's because no one could."
"I wish it was that simple," Michonne responded.
They went quiet for a while again.
"I'm sorry, Daryl, I can't go back. I just can't," she said as she pulled back.
He looked down at his empty hands and spoke, so quietly he was almost whispering, "it ain't gonna make you feel any better."
"I know," Michonne responded in the same tone of voice.
Daryl was almost done with second watch. He'd been thinking quite a bit during his turn, and he'd come to a decision. He got up, packed his things, and was about to wake Michonne when, as it often happened, she woke up by herself.
"Hi," she offered, but he didn't hear.
He took a couple of deep breaths and said, "I don't accept it."
Michonne was confused, feeling like she had woken up mid-conversation.
Daryl saw the look on Michonne's face and provided more information. "I don't accept that you just can't go back."
Michonne was now the one to take a deep breath, but, before she could say anything, Daryl continued, "I'm not gonna pretend I know what it's like to lose a child, 'cause I haven't had nothing even close to that happen to me. Hell, I'd probably be doin' some crazy shit too, if it was me. But I'm not, so I'm tellin' you: you need to stop punishin' yourself, you don't deserve it. Just like I know you'd be tellin' me if I was the one beatin' myself up."
Daryl grabbed his bag as he went on, "I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette outside, then I'm gonna get into a car and drive back to the prison. I hope you come with me."
Michonne just stood there, dumbstruck. When a car engine sounded, she came out of her daze and listened as it drove off. She gathered her things and walked outside to find the car they'd been using was still there; Daryl had found another vehicle.
She put her bag in the passenger seat and looked around, still not fully there. She knew she was supposed to get in and make her way to Lanett, but her brain kept asking why. It simply didn't make sense anymore.
So Michonne got in the car and drove home.
A/N: Let me know what you think, I always look forward to comments :)