Chapter 3

2nd November

It was after midnight when Siegfried Farnon found his way home at last. He had nowhere else to go. He was cold, hungry, felt incredibly lonely and he had no intention of making the village talk, because he stayed at the Drovers Arms overnight. The warmth of Skeldale House welcomed him and he was well aware that Audrey was the reason it was a real home and not just some household that harboured a veterinary clinic. Skeldale House without her was unthinkable. Sometimes he wondered, if it weren't truly her house while he was just one random occupant who happened to pay for the place.

He found her in the living room where every trace of the Halloween party had disappeared. The room looked as if the evening never happened. To know that she was still there, waiting for him, despite everything he had put her through gave him a ray of hope. The sight of her sitting on the sofa with Jess's head in her lap made him happier than he deserved it. At the same time he felt a brooding fear in the pit of his stomach. It was tempting to sneak past her, to rush on his tiptoes along the hallway, and run upstairs where he could hide in his bedroom. From her, from the world, and perhaps himself. When did he become such an insufferable coward?

Intimidated by what lay ahead, he entered the living room. She lifted her head when she heard his steps. He noticed how tired and worn out she looked and hated himself for being the reason for it. Over the rest of his armchair he detected the black dress. Apparently she had started to mend it, well what was left of it. Was there a chance that he hadn't ruined it completely, when he had torn it down her body? God, that dress had driven him crazy with desire! The mere memory of it still did and he considered burning the bloody rag so that the shameful reminder of his recklessness would be destroyed forever.

"So, you did come home," she stated the obvious and shooed a yawning and confused Jess from her lap. The dog, obviously offended to lose her comfortable place, waddled out of the room.

Siegfried did what he always did, when he didn't know what to do. He poured himself a drink and stared at some imaginary point on the wall.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "There's some stew left from tonight's dinner."

Although he hadn't eaten properly all day and had consumed too much alcohol, he gently declined. He couldn't go back to normal and sit down at the blasted kitchen table with her as if nothing had happened. There was no normal anymore. Perhaps he should burn the table all together with the dress.

"The boys didn't say anything when you didn't appear for dinner, but they know something's up. They aren't as daft as you want them to be, you know."

Under normal circumstances he would point out otherwise, but tonight wasn't the night to argue about James and Tristan.

"Will you please face me, Siegfried Donald Farnon?"

Reluctantly he turned around to do as asked. As always she impressed him with her courage and the fact that she wasn't afraid. She was actually the only person who wasn't intimidated by him, the one who looked straight through him and his preposterous bullshit. As her visit in the Drovers Arms had proven, he couldn't hide from her.

"I'm sorry," he said, honestly mortified. "I don't know what else to say."

Audrey looked down on her hands and inspected her neatly trimmed nails. Suddenly the delicate pain of the scratches she had left all over his back returned, reminding of her clinging to him as if her life depended on it while he had thrusted into her as if he were possessed by the devil. "And what exactly are you sorry for?" she demanded to know. "For staying away all day, for worrying me half to death with your unexplained absence or for your unexpected… actions from last night?"

"For all three I guess," he admitted, his eyes fixated on his shoes. "I wasn't… I'm not myself."

"I think you behave exactly like yourself. You're as selfish and ridiculous as always."

Her harsh words wounded him and tore at his heart. Couldn't she see how lost he felt? How much he suffered from what he had done?

She rose from her comfortable place on the sofa and crossed the room until she stood so close to him that he could touch her. An unthinkable move at this point, but as soon as her familiar scent reached his nose, he felt so drawn to her that it hurt him physically not to reach out for her.

"Why did you do it, Siegfried?" She looked straight into his eyes. "Was it just a spur of the moment or did you plan it? Because if you planned any of this, I swear to God…"

"Gosh, woman, I didn't plan it!" he blurted out, offended that she could suggest such a thing. "Who on earth plans to ravish a woman on his own bloody kitchen table on Halloween?" He ran his fingers through his hair and turned away once more and gulped down his whiskey. One day she would be the death of him.

"Well, it weren't my idea," she returned angrily.

"But you bloody well enjoyed it!"

"And so did you!"

The glass crashed against the mantelpiece over the fireplace and hundreds of fragments scattered over the floor. Covering his face with his hands he fell silent while he tried to regain his composure. Shocked by his outburst Audrey forgot to breathe and remained frozen in her place. Silence filled the room and only the sound of the striking clock broke the spell.

"I'll fetch the broom," she mumbled, but he was quick to block her on her way out.

"Stay here, please," he said. Suddenly his voice had lost its thunder, what was left was weary tenderness. "Come here." He took her hand and pulled her with him to their armchairs where he made her sit down. She watched him with growing confusion as he settled down next to her.

"Don't think for one minute last night was a scheme or some mean trick, because it wasn't… I've never done… I've never felt… I've never intended to hurt you."

"I know, I…"

He interrupted her. "Please, let me finish… I don't know what possessed me or why I did what I did, but I'm sorry. And I'm not sorry, because I regret it. I don't… I never could. I'm sorry, because I'm afraid to lose you over this… to lose what we have, what we share."

"Why would you think that?" she asked in a low voice.

"Sex always has the power to destroy, hasn't it? What we did can never be undone. I can never look at you again and not think about how beautiful you are or how you taste or how perfect every inch of your body feels under my fingertips."

She gulped. "What are you saying?"

"What am I saying?" he repeated in disbelief. "I'm saying that I cannot have you under the same roof without having you. I shall go mad when I have to watch you going out with someone else, be it bloody Gerald or your excuse of a husband… The bloody truth is that I can't have you, because Gerald aside, you're still a married woman and I cannot marry you. It's an impossible situation!"

"You had me last night," she reminded him. "None of this mattered last night."

"But it should have mattered! Can't you see that? Last night I was a jealous, disturbed creature who couldn't stop themselves. I wanted you and wanted to make you mine. I wanted to make my claim on you and spoil you for bloody Gerald or any other man who dared to touch you."

"And you did," she confessed. A single tear rolled down her right cheek. Against his better judgement, he raised his hand to wipe it away. The touch, the sensation of her warm, smooth skin under his thumb, was almost too much for him to bear. Would it be like this between them for the rest of time? The agony of his longing for her whenever he came too close to her?

"I love you, Audrey Hall and I can't imagine my life without you. Not even before last night I could imagine living without you. I could never imagine not seeing you in the morning when I come downstairs or at night when I come home. I cannot imagine not playing scrabble with you or you not shouting at me for leaving a mess all around the house. I would rather be dead than living without you - even if it meant I can be nothing more than an insufferable employer. We were safe, you and I, weren't we? We were employer and employee… friends, good friends, but there was a fine, secure line. And now? I'm afraid I've ruined it all with my behaviour last night. I destroyed what we have with my selfishness and my jealousy. I could never bear making you my mistress and expose you to local gossip. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror or at you for that matter. You deserve more, actually we both do." He finished his speech, exhausted from his outpour of emotion and with a groan he leaned back in his armchair - right against the blasted black costume.

For a moment, she just sat there, motionless, processing everything he had just explained. She watched him closely while he rubbed his tired face, as if he carried the worries of the world on his shoulders. He loved her, he wanted her, but he didn't know how to live with himself, if he gave into his feelings once again.

"Do I have a say in any of this?" she wondered, sounding shallow.

"Of course. Humour me."

"I love you, too and if you ask me to, I'll tell Gerald it's over. I'll even locate my husband and demand a divorce. I'll even leave this house, even if it breaks my heart. I'll do anything you ask of me, but you cannot ask me to live like last night never happened. You cannot make love to me… make me lose my… peace of mind and expect me to go on as if nothing had happened."

"I'm not asking you to leave!" he clarified, realising again how scary the idea of losing her was.

"So, what are you asking me?" She reached out to take his hand. "What are you so afraid of? Is it me?" Her voice was shaking and he looked at her. For the first time since he knew her, he heard fear in her words.

"It's not you," he admitted, as he squeezed her hand.

"And you want me." It was a statement that made his heart skip a beat. It was a simple, universal truth, but one not easy to acknowledge.

"More than my words can express."

"So, why are we wasting our time fighting it?"

Was it that easy? "What if he won't let you go? What if I get you pregnant?" It was an idea he had given no second thought during their lovemaking. Another unforgivable deed on his list of failures when it came to her.

"You're not answering my question," she returned stubbornly, ignoring his argument.

He sighed, exhausted. "I don't want to fight you."

"That makes two of us," she said. "I don't want to fight either." She slowly rose and bent over him in his armchair. Her nearness made his throat narrow and when she gently kissed his lips, he forgot all restraint. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down on his lap. She curled up into his embrace and he ignored the little voice in his head that reminded of his responsibility as an employer. With her in his arms, kissing her like there was no yesterday or tomorrow it was easy to flout conventions and rules. It felt so right to hold her like this, so natural.

"Does that mean we will make the best of what's ahead?" she asked after she had broken the kiss. She caressed his cheek and he cradled her even closer to him and leaned his forehead against hers.

"It's madness, Audrey," he whispered. "It doesn't matter how often Tristan tells me the world and society are changing. If anyone finds out about us, and they will, they always do, they will talk and you'll be the victim of local gossip and embarrassment."

"In case you haven't noticed it by now, Siegfrid Farnon, I'm quite a storm-braver," she returned. She brushed her lips against his, entangling him into another kiss.

"You're a witch, woman," he said, a little breathless. "And I'm a fool… a fool if I do and a fool if I don't."

"In other words, you're giving in," an almost sneaky smile crossed her face.

A fool if he did it was. "I have my demands," he said as he started to pull out her meticulously placed hair pins one by one. He dropped them carelessly onto the floor and ran his fingers through the strands of her hair. How he loved it when she wore her hair open. "Number one… from this day forward Gerald can take care of his own clocks and we will indeed find out where your excuse of a husband is hiding and you will divorce him."

"Agreed."

"Number two… no more Halloween parties, because I truly cannot stand pumpkin. It's ludicrous to carve faces into a fruit."

"Agreed."

"Number three… You won't wear this dress in public once again." He pointed at the costume behind his head.

She chuckled and ran her hand over the fabric. "You promised to get me a new one, which is actually necessary, because you completely ruined it when you ripped it apart."

"I did?" he asked, not without pride.

"You did," she confirmed. "I can use it as a cleaning rag, but that's it."

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand and a softness she hadn't seen on him clouded his eyes. "I didn't hurt you, did I? Physically I mean…," he asked rawly.

She shook her head, her eyes filled with tenderness. "No. And I won't get pregnant either. There's a reason Edward's an only child and that weren't my husband's fault." She shrugged it off, but he knew only too well that her broken up family was a never closing wound for her. And now it was his task not to add to her heartbreak. Was he truly up to it? A fool if he did…

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she answered. "It's all in the past… I would rather talk about the present, you know."

"What's on your mind?"

She bit her lower lip and Siegfried noticed with slight curiosity that the blood was rising in her cheeks. "I'm intrigued," he chuckled.

"I was wondering if you had any plans… for the rest of the night…" He got the meaning behind her phrase and couldn't hide his amusement. There was not just a witch, but a mynx hidden under the proper surface and he happened to be in love with her.

"It is almost one o'clock in the morning, my Darling. The hour of the witch is almost over."

"In other words I have to hurry?" Her right eyebrow crooked up and he felt her hand sneaking between them. His member reacted instinctively to her determined touch and he caught her hand, before he lost all control in another part of the house that offered next to no privacy.

"That's not quite fair, Mrs Hall."

"But necessary."

He playfully shooed her from his lap. With his hand firmly planted on the back of her head, he claimed a long, breathtaking kiss from her. Her eager response fuelled his desire for her and so he decided to make short work of his plan. He released her and before she could catch her breath he lifted her up and threw her delicate figure over his shoulder.

"Siegfried!" Her protest was more a statement of surprise than refusal.

"Don't complain, my dear… all I'll allow is having you beg for mercy in less than five minutes' time and now be quiet or I'll leave it to you to explain to Tristan and James why on earth I'm carrying you through the house in the middle of the night." With a smug grin on his face he patted her behind as he carried her up the staircase.

With the striking of the clock, announcing that the witching hour was actually over, Siegfried closed the door to his bedroom, leaving the witch and the fool outside once and for all.

*****The End*****