Oz and Tara were always so gentle with her, like they thought she'd break; like she was made of glass. And Oz was great, but Willow always felt like something was missing between them. And Tara… Well, Tara was perfect. She was amazing.

But this? This was hardly even the same thing, or so Willow rationalized. Sex with Faith was violent, aggressive. Willow found herself delighted by pain, and she was sure it was some kind of unhealthy guilt and punishment complex she shouldn't be dealing with this way, but that was for a therapist to work out somewhere down the line. Indeed, it seemed to Willow that the pain Faith caused her was the only thing that satiated her conscience. And the pleasure wasn't bad, either.

"How'd you get so good at this?" said Willow.

"Two words," said Faith, "Women's. Prison."

Willow grinned and threw her head back in contentment.

Faith grabbed Willow violently, and Willow squeaked in gleeful pain. She thought, for a moment, about what would happen if she lost control right now. Or if Faith did. She thought of what Buffy had said.

"We should—" Willow stuttered, the words unfamiliar, "We should probably come up with, like, a safe word or something."

"How about…" Faith said, "'Harder'."

Willow laughed, "That might get confusing."

"Okay, what about 'don't stop'?"

"Okay, that's two words. Also…—!" Willow didn't get to finish.

"Orrrrr…" Faith purred, "' Faith …'"

"Oh, now you're just being silly! We should—" But Willow was cut off by her own ecstasy, the thought forgotten.

And that's where she remained, even as the morning drew on: in ecstasy, drowning in satisfaction; in the sweet, distracting discomfort of Faith's violent hands.

Until darkness seeped into her vision, tainting those pleasant waters, and the ground started shaking beneath the bed.

She went limp, like trying to fight the current would only make her sink faster.

"Will?" asked Faith, apparently unperturbed by the earthquake, maybe even excited by it, "Hey, don't stop." She saw Willow's hand come up to grab at her own head in pain, hair falling over her face, which was still hung down facing the bed, "Whoa, are you okay?"

Willow nodded slightly through gritted teeth. It was worse, getting worse. She felt evil in her soul, in her blood, firing across the synapses in her brain. It was getting worse, it was, and each time this happened Willow seemed to fall that much deeper and it was that much harder for her to find her way out. Amy's words forced their ways back into her head. She was filled with darkness, and so was the Earth below her, and so was the terrible maw in her mind's eye that was the Hellmouth. Something is wrong with me , she thought. Something is very, very wrong with me .

Finally, and it took longer than usual, the shaking stopped. The darkness started to fade back into that ever-present nagging in the back of her mind, and Willow came back to herself. She finally brought her head up, eyes pitch black and terrible veins weaving across her face. She looked terrifying, and Faith reacted on instinct, like she was a demon, a vampire who just revealed her game-face, and kicked her across the room.

Willow got up tenderly, looked around, bewildered. Her eyes were green once again, the veins gone, as if they'd never been there at all.

"God, Red," said Faith, getting up to meet her, "I'm sorry— I thought you were some kinda—"

"—Monster, right?"

"I mean, it's wicked scary. With the eyes and the veins—"

"Veins?" said Willow, "No, no… that hasn't happened before. It's getting worse. I'm getting worse. I don't know what it means… I—"

There was a knock at the door. "Will?

"Oh my God, it's Buffy," whispered Willow. "What do we do?"

"Magic me invisible or something!" said Faith.

Willow scoffed, "You think I'm gonna turn you invisible so you can haunt Buffy for funsies? I only trust you as far as you can throw me." She looked around, "Which I guess is kinda far…"

"You got a better plan?"

Buffy's voice came back through the door, "Willow? I heard a crash, did you fall? Are you okay?

"Yes!" said Willow, "One sec! I was just… uh, meditating?" Willow lowered her voice and threw Faith a pair of pants, "Just… get dressed."

A moment later, Willow opened the door for Buffy with an unnatural smile.

"Whoa," said Buffy, "Earthquake was pretty big that time. That one must've taken a lot outta you, Will."

Willow frowned, "Why?"

"Well you're kinda sweaty. Looks like you ran a marathon—"

Buffy heard a laugh from inside the room. She opened the door a little more to see Faith sitting on the bed.

"With… Faith?"

"Not with!" said Willow, "I mean, no marathons. Faith was, uh, helping me with a spell."

"I thought you were meditating."

"Right," said Willow, "She was helping me meditate."

"Faith." Buffy glanced between them, "The most chaotic, violent person we know."

"Uh-huh!"

"...Was helping you meditate."

"Yessir!"

Buffy's eyes darted between them for a moment. Then she shrugged, "'k."

The door shut and she left.

Faith and Willow sighed. There was a brief, anxious silence, Willow fiddling with the skin on her hands. "I've never seen it, y'know?" she said.

Faith watched the door like Buffy might return, but now turned back to face her, "What?"

"Dark Willow," said the witch, "You know—the evil, veiny, black-eyed, occasionally black-haired version of me. I never looked in a mirror. I've never seen it. I don't wanna."

"It's freaky, Red," said Faith, "Still hot, though."

"Shucks," said Willow, "You sure know how to make a reformed supervillain blush."

Faith laughed, but only slightly. "Do I gotta be scared, Will?"

"Huh?"

"Do I gotta be scared? Of you? Of 'Dark Willow'? I mean, is your power as scary as your face?"

Willow felt ashamed. Even before Faith finished speaking, she thought of what she'd done to Tara. Faith should be scared, shouldn't she? Everyone should. But while every strand of control Willow had over herself and her life and her powers seemed to be slipping away each time the Hellmouth roared, she still found some in this promise, her past misdeeds driving her to keep it: "Faith," said Willow, "I… I'll never use my magick to hurt you."

Faith stared at her for a second—at her eyes and not her breasts or any other body part, which was rather unusual. "Okay," she said.

But Faith's sudden nonchalance made Willow wonder if she'd heard her: "I will never use my magick to hurt you."

"Heard you the first time, Will."

"Well," said Willow, "I gotta remind myself, so I don't forget. I promise, Faith. I'll never use magick to hurt you."

Later, the gang sat in Buffy's living room for a regroup. Xander was eagerly selecting a doughnut, hovering over the coffee table, and Dawn sat with some abandoned pages of homework before her. Willow was on the couch, knees bouncing with energy, and Buffy paced the room impatiently. The doorbell rang, and she opened the door for Giles and Anya, who entered with some annoyance.

"Sorry we're tardy," said Giles, "Anya insisted on spending an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom."

"Your shower is always either too hot or too cold," said Anya, "It irks me."

"Don't worry, Giles," said Willow, nodding at the box of doughnuts, "I saved you a jelly."

"Where's Faith?" said Buffy in frustration, "How is she late? She lives here."

Willow stiffened when she heard Faith's name, a small involuntary grin tugging at her lips, "She's upstairs, showering."

Odd looks from her companions found their ways to her.

"Well, she was using the shower in my room," Willow defended.

The looks didn't go away.

"'Cause Buffy was in the other bathroom."

Now nods filled the group, and Faith came downstairs, wet hair hanging over her shoulders. Willow looked away, too excited by the sight, fiddling with the crumbs of the doughnut in front of her.

"Sorry I'm late, gang," said Faith, "Your water pressure is baller. You know, compared to prison. I'da stayed in longer but I got lonely."

She punctuated the sentence by plopping herself pointedly next to Willow on the couch, reaching over and taking a bite of the witch's doughnut.

"Um, hey!" said Willow, "There's a whole box of 'em."

"Boston Cream, eh Red?" Faith winked.

Willow froze in embarrassment. She could hardly focus, the dirty images in her head. Had her distraction become too distracting? And god, could Faith be any more conspicuous?

"Well, I wanted jelly!" said Willow, "But, I… I saved it for Giles, so…"

"Faith," said Buffy, "Quit bullying Willow. She's gonna turn you into a toad."

"Yeah," said Xander, "Steal enough doughnuts and you got the toughest witch on the west coast coming for you."

"That right?" Faith said. Then she whispered in Willow's ear, "I thought I already did?"

"Faith!" said Willow, blushing, "You wanna be a toad?" She turned to the group, willing the heat away from her cheeks, "So! Where are we on demony Hellmouth stuff?"

"Kinda where we started," said Buffy, "More and more demons every day. And even with Faith helping patrol I'm barely making a dent."

"Well I can help," said Willow, "I mean, I can poof some vamps to dust, throw some fireballs and stuff. If it'll help."

"You think?" said Buffy. She turned to Giles, "I mean, she's not supposed to use her powers for violent stuff all willy-nilly like that, right Giles?"

Willow's heart sank, Buffy directing the question at Giles. Like Willow couldn't be the keeper of her own wellbeing; like she was a child, and Giles had to sign a permission slip for her to go on a vampire-hunting field trip.

"Actually," said Giles, "Willow was trained in combat magick in all its forms in England. She should continue to practice." He smiled at Willow, and she felt a little better, "Avoiding such magicks was necessary at first, as you got adjusted to the Hellmouth, but at this point there's no reason you can't patrol, Willow."

"Oh, cool," said Willow, "Great. Watch out, demons! Pew pew." She glanced at Faith, "And hey! Buff, if you ever want a night off or something, you know I can take care of myself and Faith too. I mean, she can take care of herself so… You just deserve a break. What with work and everything."

"I quit that job, actually," said Buffy, "New business venture. Teaching self-defense classes at the rec center. Pay's not good but not worse."

"Wow, Buff," said Willow, "That's awesome. Why didn't we think of that before?"

"Well you know," said Buffy, "After training you… Well, I just liked it so much. Seeing you grow, and improve and everything. I figured maybe I could, like, help some of these civilians learn to defend themselves and get paid for it too. Two birds. One stone. Y'know."

There was pure, unadulterated pride on Giles' face, "Buffy, that's wonderful." And then he was all business again: "And how about the tremors?" he said.

"Bigger, Longer, and Uncut," said Willow, and Giles gave her a bizarre look. "Oh, it's a movie. But seriously. Used to be one every month or so, but now we're lucky if we make it a week. The earthquakes are worse and worse, and the… I fall a little deeper every time. The darkness is intense, and I…" She was digging her fingernails into her leg, the anxiety of the situation returning to her. She was itching, suddenly, to cast, the room seeming to fall away. She felt paranoid, her distractions drowned out, clearing a path for her fear to take over.

Faith noticed Willow's hand, her fingers rigid, the witch clawing into her own thigh. And, more gently than she thought she was capable of, she discreetly lifted Willow's hand and placed it at her side instead, snapping Willow from her spiral.

"A-anyway," said Willow, "So… that's why… So I don't think there's much time. But we've found nothing research-wise, Amy was a bust and… Giles, do you think it's possible… Could someone be opening the Hellmouth and not even know it?"

"That would be… unprecedented. These sorts of rituals require a certain precision. These things don't happen randomly. It would have to be someone with incredible power and a profound lack of control. But that sort of power… it simply doesn't exist, at least not in a human."

She wanted to argue, to cry out that something was terribly wrong with her, that her connection to this apocalypse seemed deeper than any of them realized, that everything the coven and Giles and Tara told her about her power was wrong, and she was different from the rest of them. But was that even true, or was it only how she felt in her constant unsuredness? Don't test their kindness , she thought.

"So I guess we were barking up the wrong tree with Amy," said Xander.

"Speaking of Amy," said Buffy, "Any more noise from our favorite mother-daughter duo?"

"Nothing," said Willow, "I think I really scared 'em."

"So what's our plan for this Hellmouth thing?" said Xander, "We can only research so much. Only so many books. I wish we had a somewhere to take the fight, if no someone."

"Maybe it's time we dig deeper," said Buffy, "Check out those tunnels. I know they are chock full of demons, but with two Slayers and a Willow we might be able to at least find something out without getting dead."

"Sounds like a plan," said Xander.

Buffy nodded, adding it to some mental slayage itinerary. "Anything else on the agenda?"

"Would anyone like some chicken feet?" said Anya, "On sale."

"What?" said Xander.

"Well, when we cleaned out the shambled remains of the Magick Box, there were a lot of items that remained undamaged, especially downstairs in storage. So now I have boxes and boxes of goods and no place to sell them. It makes me sad."

"You could sell them online," offered Willow, guilt crawling into her throat.

"Online?"

"Yeah. Y'know how you got the… the Urn of Osiris from Ebay? You can sell your stuff also. I can even… I can help you make a website too. And then people from all over the world can buy your stuff."

"Wow," said Anya, "That does sound like money."

"Will, don't you think you should take it easy? Didn't you almost die a couple of weeks ago?" said Buffy, "You're really stepping up to the plate here. I mean, patrolling, helping Anya, and extra training with Faith, plus school and the research and everything. I know what burnt out feels like. You sure you're down for all that?"

It was all to distract herself, Willow knew, but it didn't matter, "Yeah, super down! I just want to do my part. Help after all the hurt."

The meeting wound down, and everyone went on their ways, save for Willow, who was eating a fresh doughnut, and Xander.

"It's amazing, right?" said Xander suddenly.

Willow looked at her doughnut, "Um, it's pretty good I guess."

"Not the doughnut," said Xander, "You know. The Slayer thing."

"The what?" said Willow, "Xander, what are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on Will. I know you better than anyone. You know what I'm talking about."

"I do?"

"'Boston cream'?"

"What?"

"Faith."

Willow choked on her doughnut, "Huh?"

"Faith. You know: sex with Faith."

"What?" said Willow, "What with who?"

"There's something about it," said Xander, "Come on, you get it."

"Nuh-uh," said Willow. "You're crazy."

"It was kinda an amazing first time," said Xander, "You know that thing she does, with her leg, and it—"

"—and it hurts so good?" said Willow, excited. She bit her lip, X-rated babble ready to tumble eagerly from her mouth. She calmed down a little, "I guess I know something about that."

"Look, I'm not gonna judge," said Xander, "It's probably good for you. To, you know…"

"To what?" said Willow, "To move on?"

"No!" said Xander, "Just… I don't know—"

"'Cause I'm not moving on," said Willow, "It's not like that. It's… it's just fun, okay? It's not like with Tara. Can't I have fun?"

"Like I said," said Xander, "Very much not of the judging. It's your So-Called Life , Clair Danes."

"We're not like together," said Willow quickly, "Do you think she'd be mad?"

"Who?"

"Tara."

Xander frowned, "Will…"

"Sorry," said Willow, "It's stupid. That's… stupid. I…" Willow sighed, "Sometimes I feel like… like she's here. Like she's with me, wherever I go—because she was, y'know? Even when we were apart. I feel like she's here, but she went out for a walk. And any second, the door will open, and she'll have a… a bag of veggies she got from the farmers' market and some organic chocolate and a new candle and she'll smile and say something halfway risque and do that look she does, and… Well, I feel like I'm letting her down."

"Take it from a guy who has let down more women than he knows what to do with," said Xander, "You're not letting her down." He squeezed her hand, "Just be careful, okay? Don't get hurt."