Remus Lupin x Reader
[Theme: Adult]
Requested by: TheSpoon
I used to think it was ridiculous. The ability to go from having a crush on someone to despising them in one single action. It made no sense; you liked them for a reason, after all. Whenever I heard about people having fights and separating over one thing, I thought they were overdoing it and making a big fuss over nothing.
That was my thinking until I experienced that suffering myself. I was stupid to have a crush on Remus Lupin. What on Earth was I thinking? That quiet, kind of bookish, having a right head kind of boy being surrounded by the boisterous and egotistical James and Sirius... It should've been a giveaway from the start.
Yet, I trusted those feelings. When a note was slipped inside my Transfiguration textbook asking me to meet Remus in a discreet broom cupboard, I thought it was finally my moment. My heart swelled in my chest as I opened the door and peered inside the dark abyss.
"Remus?" I said quietly. "Are you there?"
My first footstep echoed against the hard flooring. Why was he hiding in such conditions? This didn't feel very thoughtful of a place to meet either.
Just as I was about to cower out, a pair of hands pressed against my back and shoved me harshly inside. The impact was so great that my wand fell out of my pocket from where I originally stood. My vision was covered in darkness apart from what came through the open door.
I thought I saw James and Sirius for a fragment of a second before the perpetrator slammed the door close, obscuring me in a field of haze. There was a faint click and I was locked inside. Desperately, I tried to force the handle to let me out.
"What are you doing!?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Let me out!" My hands pounded feebly against the door. Within only a few punches did it start to be too painful to endure.
A burst of haughty laughter sounded from outside. "Well done, Prongs!" the boy yelled as he hi-fived his partner. I think I recognised that voice... Sirius? The other one must be James.
"Black! Potter! This isn't funny!" I bit my lip to try to stop myself from tearing up. If I cried, I'd be giving them exactly what they wanted.
"Sorry, L/N, it's just business." James said dismissively. Their laughter got progressively quieter as they wandered away.
My heart filled with hopelessness. With my eyes barely adjusting to the new light levels, I could see the outline of some barrels, a couple of cleaning brooms, and some other cleaning materials. This could be one of Filch's storage cupboards. That meant... well... at least someone would find me... eventually.
I collapsed into a ball, holding my knees close to my chest. It could be hours before I would be found and my stomach was already rumbling since it was close to dinner time. I was trembling and I had to hope with everything I had that there wasn't something else in here with me.
But with all of it, it wasn't fear that I felt most; it was hurt. Betrayal. I trusted Remus and I took pity on him for all the troubles he supposedly had at home which meant he was absent a lot. I hated myself for it- I should have known better.
It wasn't until a couple of hours later that there was any sign of life from beyond my prison. The same click echoed and the door flung open with light stinging my eyes.
"Merlin's beard, L/N!"
It was Remus standing there gobsmacked at the scene before him. I lept up from my sitting position and all rage filled me from top to bottom.
"You! You are an arsehole, Lupin!" I bellowed at the top of my voice, completely indifferent to if a teacher heard me. "This is all your fault!" My finger shoved into his chest, briefly knocking him backwards.
"Let me explain-" he tried to say but I picked up my wand from the floor and ran away.
There was nothing he could say to cover his tracks.
I never felt any affection for that boy ever again.
...
Adulthood
My acceptance letter was pristine in my hands. I never thought after so many years, I'd be going back to Hogwarts. It must have been, what, fourteen or fifteen years? I guess what people say is true: Hogwarts will forever be your home.
On a whim, I applied for the empty Defence Against the Dark Arts position. At first, I was sceptical considering the same position opened up every year. It was like there was some kind of curse that would prevent the teacher in that position to stay in it for more than one academic year. Either way, I was determined to do my best for my students no matter what came my way.
I entered Dumbledore's office proudly. He had certainly aged over time but his sweet and guiding smile still lingered. Standing up, he held out his hand for me to shake, which I did, and took his seat again.
"It's always lovely to have a student return." Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Not to mention having two!"
"Two, sir?" I said curiously. "I thought there was only one position open this year?"
My brows furrowed. Don't tell me I'll have to be sharing this job... Well, I'm sure it'll be someone I can get along with. It wasn't too difficult for me to make friends if I tried hard enough.
"Due to certain circumstances, I have hired two Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers this year. Forgive me, I don't think I've told you who it is yet, have I? Ah, looks like they've just arrived."
Right on cue, the grand doors to the office opened and Fawkes let out a mocking squawk. At first, I felt excited to see who it could be... and then as recognition entered my brain, my fists tightened and my glare became intense.
Remus Lupin. The one man I wished never to see again after that traumatising experience. Whether it be something he wasn't actively involved in, I was sure he orchestrated it. Maybe he didn't know what happened, but Sirius and James doing the deed was clear to me enough that he still prioritised their feelings over mine.
His forest eyes locked with mine. I expected him to protest or make a repulsed face. Instead, he merely tilted his head at me.
"I'm sure you two are familiar enough with each other that I can skip the introduction, hmm?" Dumbledore asked rhetorically. "Y/N, you will be teaching Mondays and Fridays with taking additional classes whenever Remus is unavailable. I'm afraid things are still taking a toll, are they?" He looked a Remus with pity.
"Unfortunately so, sir." Remus said but he didn't sound distraught. If anything, he sounded used to it. "The provisions you have made to account for it are most appreciated."
I folded my arms. "Seems you two have had plenty of time to chat. I'm rather put off by all this secrecy."
Dumbledore nodded. "There will be a time for you to understand everything. For now, I respectfully ask that you carry out your duties for the benefit of the students. Do we have an understanding?"
"...We do." I said, feeling forced by Dumbledore's gaze. It was as if he were reading the discomfort that plagued my mind.
"Lessons begin tomorrow. Remus, your things have been brought to the living quarters inside the office. Y/N, you will be staying in a prepared room on the second floor. I do hope you two will find working together... building."
...
Remus and I left the office together and made our way to the classroom in silence. Neither of us dared to speak a word the entire time. Being taller, Remus got to the door first, turned the knob and opened it. He gestured for me to go in before him. I froze, remembering the events from my school days.
"N-No. You go first." I stammered as my heart pricked with tension.
Remus went in without a fuss and laid his satchel on the frontmost table. It looked like it was made out of fine leather but it was quite scruffy. Now that I looked at him properly, his entire attire was rundown like he hardly had the energy to look after himself. What had he been doing before this job?
"I appreciate you not saying anything to Dumbledore." Remus said with the tiniest smile. He was looking at me and I couldn't meet his face. I never wanted to see him again and during those last few years at Hogwarts, being in the same classrooms, the same house, was torture.
I didn't want to lose everything I had worked for to come here. Yes, I could've easily not gotten this position by not listening to my gut, but it was my stupid gut that got me into this place again! Every time I saw him, I remembered that swallowing darkness that made my skin crawl.
"It's... fine." I said under my breath. I took the relevant textbooks out from my own bag and sat atop one of the desks. I remember some of the teachers would go berserk if you did such a crime. 'Tables are for writing and chairs are for sitting!' was nailed into my brain. A huff of air left my nose happily.
Remus caught on, "Is something the matter?" he asked curiously.
"Don't worry about it." I snapped a little too ferociously. A part of me was still hurting no matter how badly I wanted to put it away. There was no closure for what he did to me.
"Y/N," he said as he came closer. My legs innately pulled away from him. "you never did let me explain." His voice was calm and soft like he was trying to soothe a baby lamp. Unfortunately, it wasn't working.
"I don't see what there is to explain, Lupin. Black and Potter locked me in that cupboard for hours. There was no way for me to know when I'd be freed. I was starving and terrified! How would you feel if that happened to you?" I half-yelled and took a deep breath to control myself. "There's nothing you can say to make it any better."
"I understand. I won't pretend to know the suffering that you went through. You have every right to be angry." he remarked and he placed his hand on the table near my leg. "You don't have to listen to my explanation should you not want to. I do, however, think it will help us both."
Conflict throttled my mind. I wanted to keep being furious at him and not listen so that I knew I was in the right for feeling this way. Alternatively, what if I was wrong and there was a reasonable explanation for everything that happened?
"I... please not right now. What happened that day is sore to me and seeing you again reopened those wounds. I'll put up with you for the sake of our agreement, but other than that, I don't want anything to do with you. At least for now." I sadly announced, staring down at my hands. They were shaking.
Remus moved away to give me space. "Perhaps you should get some rest. We can discuss the syllabus tomorrow."
I grabbed my bag and books, promising to study them in my own time away from him. A mild 'okay' left my lips and I briskly went to find my room.
...
Waking up the next morning, I looked at my timetable to see I had the sixth years to teach first thing. I gathered all of my materials and went over to the classroom, begging to not see Remus. Thankfully, my wish was granted and the door to his office was wide open with no indication that he was there.
I sorted everything out in preparation and in the corner of my eye, I saw a note. The handwriting was difficult to read since it had been written in such a rush.
'Good morning, Y/N. I do hope you are feeling better today. I've left the classroom empty so that you feel comfortable. Maybe we can meet for tea at lunch to try to calm things between us?
-R.J Lupin'
He really did want to try to sort things out, didn't he? The more I interacted with him on this personal level, the less I felt I had reason to hold on to my hatred. The door to the classroom opened and students started to pile in. Discreetly, I stuffed the note into my pocket and stood before the classroom. All eyes looked at me with feverish intrigue as to who would be teaching them this year.
"Good morning, everyone. I'm Professor L/N, one of your Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers. The other, Professor Lupin, will be taking your classes during the midweek. Don't worry, we'll work through the syllabus as best we can to ensure you all receive the education you need." I said respectfully and, to my relief, the students looked content.
"Now, today we're going to be covering Inferis. Can anyone tell me what sub-division of Dark Magic Inferis are created from?"
A petite girl raised her hand. I pointed my finger at her and she answered at once. "Inferis are created from necromancy. In this case, they're the bodies of the deceased reanimated."
A smile came upon my face. "Excellent, I can tell you've done the reading. Five points to Hufflepuff. Inferi are those who have passed reanimated. However, the creator of an Inferi has very little, if any, control over one that they have created due to the intense malice they feel from being turned into puppets. Make no mistake, they are not alive. To destroy an Inferi would mean to destroy the host. And that would be how?"
This time, a boy raised his hand. "If you need to destroy a body then burning it to bits might work."
"Good try. If you were fighting a relatively inexperienced wizard then, yes, fire would work. However, if you were against a wizard with half a wit, you'd realise quickly they may be enchanted to avoid flames. If such a case happens, there's only one thing you can do..."
My gaze drifted from my breath-taken class to the corner of the room. Odd darkness was forming. One that didn't seem... normal.
"All you can do is run." I took a deep breath to calm myself and the overwhelming darkness quickly changed to that of an ordinary dim area. There was nothing there other than my plaguing anxiety. "Inferi cannot be harmed physically and resist most spells. If you see one and it resists fire, you need to flee. Use magic to try to slow it down, if you can, but it will be almost impossible to destroy it."
The bell rang to signal the end of morning classes. Truthfully, I was relieved. When every student finally left, I cautiously approached that corner. I couldn't live with this fear of the darkness forever. At a glance, it was like everywhere else except it wasn't receiving as much light due to the positioning of the room to the sun. I reached my hand out and met nothing. It was a normal dark spot.
There was nothing to run from.
I found Remus's note in my pocket and read through it again. A sigh left me. These complex feelings were piling up. I wanted to be better. If we were going to make this work, shouldn't I at least hear him out? Then I can be fully informed to make the decision myself. We were adults, we can communicate on this.
Although, I'd rather hide in the darkness than face this one.
...
I took a wander to the ground floor of the castle and, true to his word, Remus was standing outside the Great Hall. He still looked dishevelled and the bags under his eyes made him appear restless.
"Good afternoon, Y/N." he said with a forced smile, not one of displeasure but from tiredness.
"Hello." I said sheepishly, unable to look him in the eye. "I, uh, got your note?"
"Excellent. I suppose that means you'll be joining me then?" he asked, directing me inside the hall.
I agreed and we went and took two chairs at the teachers' table. The other four tables were slowly filling with students studying and eating food, mostly sandwiches. A pot of tea appeared between us. Remus gripped it gently and hovered it over my cup.
"I happen to have a knack for making tea. I find it helps calm one down. May I?"
I motioned for him to pour, which he did and added some additional herbs. Tasting it led to a pleasant forest-like flavour going down my throat. It was difficult to describe without knowing what it was that he put in, but he did the exact same to his own. To Remus's credit, I did feel calmer.
"Remus," I said starting a new conversation, "I was thinking... I've been unfair to you, haven't I?"
"How so?" he inquired.
"Well... I was always scared of you since... since you know what happened. And you're right, I never did give you the chance to explain it. So... I'm sorry." I apologised sincerely with guilt.
Remus smiled more genuinely this time. "You have nothing to apologise for. What happened and how you behave has never been your fault. You were responding to trauma. I understand that well."
"You have trauma?" It wouldn't surprise me seeing how he presents himself, but at the same time, he seemed too well-rooted to do anything too criminal.
"I'm still willing to explain to you, should you want me to." Remus offered, taking another sip of his tea. It rejuvenated him somewhat.
"I'll hear you out but that by no means should be an indication I'm ready to forgive you yet." I confessed and steeled myself for his rebuttal.
"Very well."
It was as if the entire Great Hall went silent. All I could hear was Remus as he spoke his next words. My leg trembled with the awakening anticipation. Everything that came from his mouth could change everything I believed to be true.
"To begin, I didn't know what Sirius and James were going to do. They hadn't told me anything about it until they had already done it. It feels childish reflecting back on it, but they found out that I had an interest in you. Nothing serious, admittedly, but it was there nonetheless."
My breath hitched. He had felt the same way. Still, that didn't do anything to relax my heart. Recalling the never-ending cell I was trapped in was too much.
"They tried to find me but I was in a separate class on that day which they happened to forget. They had to wait until it was over to tell me and the first thing I did was run over there. They thought if I did it, you'd think of me as your saviour... and fawn over me, I suppose." His face recoiled in disgust.
He continued, "When I unlocked that door and saw you trembling, something broke in me. At that very moment, I wanted to explain everything to you but I realised I had no right to. You had to get your anger out and you made it clear how you felt. I told the two about what happened and they swore they would never do anything like that again."
"But... why didn't you say anything to me after?" I questioned reluctantly.
Remus sat up straight in his chair. "I wanted to give you time to heal and not feel forced to accept anything. And back then, I was a lot more... subtle. I never let Sirius and James get away for what they did, if that's where most of your anger comes from. But I promise you, had I known sooner, I would've put a stop to it at once."
That was it; the truth. All along, I had been the unreasonable one. I was trying to run from facing a truth I was petrified of facing. Remus was innocent in all of this and he did what he had to to make indirect amends.
"I... understand." I said with uncertainty. I may not have known Remus the best but I could tell he wasn't lying. He didn't seem like the kind who would lie unless it was to make someone feel better. It didn't seem to be the case here.
"All I can say now is that I'm sorry that it happened. If there's anything I can do to help, I am always here." he offered sweetly.
"Thanks... I think I can forgive you then since you weren't involved. And, well, for what it's worth, I did... kind of like you back then too?" I confessed and quickly took a swig of my tea.
Remus lightly chuckled. "A shame circumstances weren't different then. I'd best get prepared for tomorrow so I'll leave you to it." He finished the rest of his drink, stood up, ensured his chair was tucked in and left.
He didn't seem too surprised at my response.
...
Over the next few days, Remus and I would come together to discuss the textbooks and what we would teach the students of all years. Large spreadsheets were before us, each with different beasts we needed to delegate down and certain spells.
"Okay..." I said more to myself. "For first years, I can take Vampires, Imps and Gytrashes. I could probably take the Verdimillious Charm and the Smokescreen Spell. How does that sound?"
Remus tried his best to stay attentive but there was something weighing heavily on him. His eyes strayed away from everything and he had difficulty focusing. He gave a small 'mhm' in agreement.
"Sure. Okay... Oh! Third-year classes! There's a lot here. I could pretty easily do Hinkypunks and Grindylows. Actually, I'll add werewolves-"
The very moment the word 'werewolves' left my mouth, Remus's elbow slid off the desk causing him to barely have enough time to stop himself from smacking his face into the table. He tried his best to look as if nothing had happened but it was extremely apparent what occurred.
"Are you okay?" I queried as I looked at his face to see if he was alright. The regular bags under his eyes had intensified and he was remarkably pale. "Merlin, you don't look very good... Why don't you go see Madam Pomfrey and I'll finish up here?"
Remus tried to protest initially and I wasn't having it. Eventually, he gave up and barely managed to stumble out of the classroom. It was the time of year for catching a cold. Perhaps he had it bad?
"Hopefully he won't give it to me then..." I said under my breath as I continued to scribble down on the plan.
...
Later that evening, I made my way to the Hospital Wing with my mind on how Remus was doing. Unsurprisingly, I hadn't heard about him all day. Pomfrey must be keeping him under tight watch...
Going in, I looked around and other than a few students, there was no sign of Remus. I went to ask Pomfrey and she said she hadn't seen him at all. Just where had he gotten himself off to? The only other option I could think of was if he went to get a potion from Snape to help with his tiredness.
Fortunately, Snape was in his usual place, his office, trying to concoct a potion. He looked disgruntled to the point I wondered if he wanted to be making this brew at all. To his side was a handful of purple-petalled plants that I recognised to be aconite.
"Sorry to disturb you, Severus." I said as I stepped inside properly. I reckoned that we were on decent enough terms to be using first names, right? "I was just wondering if you had seen Remus around today?"
The mere mention of one of Snape's previous bullies or their friends made him immediately scowl. I was aware of the quintet's history in passing so it wasn't a surprise to me to see how repulsed he was acting.
"No." was all that came out of his mouth as he added the aconite. The potion turned a faint blue colour. Snape then took a small vial, filled it with the liquid and handed it to me. "But since you seem so bothered about his condition, you might give him this. Dumbledore requested I make it for him... on a regular basis."
I took the vial from him. It was slightly warm from being over the fire. "Thanks, I'll make sure he gets it. What is it, by the way? Does it have any instructions?"
Snape raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I believe Lupin knows exactly what to do with it. Considering the expense and effort it takes to make such a potion, he ought to be thankful."
"Uh... okay! I'll go see if I can find him then. Goodnight, Severus."
As I left the room, Snape did not reply back to me. Grouchy as always, it seems...
...
Considering where to go next, I knew he wasn't in the Hospital Wing and if this potion was something that Remus needed, it was unlikely he was in the Great Hall. The most likely place would be his quarters.
As I walked along, my curiosity got the better of me. The potion could've been anything. Digging through my mind, I could remember a couple of potions that used aconite. The one that made the most sense would've been the Wideye Potion if he was having difficulties with staying awake. I pulled the stopper out and took a quick whiff of the blue smoke that poured out.
My throat seized and caused me to gag. That had to be one of the worst smells that had entered my nostrils in a long time and I took NEWT-level Care of Magical Creatures! I couldn't remember a Wideye Potion smelling, or likely tasting, that awfully. My innate thought was that Snape had added an additional ingredient to make it as unpleasant as possible.
I had heard it was possible to add sugar to potions if you were giving them to younger children who weren't as capable of taking potions with bad tastes. At first, I considered turning back to go add some sugar to it when I remembered I was only ten seconds away from the classroom anyway. If it was that bad for him, I'm sure he would be able to manage.
I entered the now-empty classroom. For some reason, all of the shutters bar one had been closed and almost every single candle had been extinguished. Through the only window left exposed, I could see the full moon up in the sky. It was beautiful with its small light breaking the darkness. It gave me hope that I could one day overcome my fear.
I climbed the stairs and knocked on Remus's door. There was no reply. Knocking again gave the same result.
"Remus? Are you in there?" I called to no response yet again. I pressed my ear to the barrier and I could hear something that sounded like agonised panting. There was someone or something in there. Hesitantly, I placed my hand on the handle and pulled it open.
Remus's office was a mess. Papers were discarded across the floor, drawers had been pulled out and one of the cupboard doors was hanging on by a single hinge. The corner of the room was dark. I swallowed hard and then I realised the panting was coming from that corner. There was something there watching me. Whether it was a predator or a friend, I didn't know, but whatever it was, it was in pain.
"Remus...? Is that you?" I asked with my hands trembling. Barely able to step closer, my eyes adjusted to the limited light to see a cowering and shaking Remus. His shirt was torn, his hair a tornado of a mess, and his fingers were clawing at his skin to try to get control of himself to no result.
I dashed over to him and he flinched away. "Remus, what's happened to you!?" I pleaded for him to answer.
"You- you need to leave!" he exclaimed with desperation. His shaking intensified.
"No! Not until you're okay! What's going on with you!?"
"You- you need to go before you get hurt!" Remus's eyes were ferocious and untamed.
"You're the one being hurt right now! Look, Snape gave me this for you! He said you'd know what to do with it." I went to hand Remus the bottle but he was trembling to the point I wasn't sure if he could administer it himself. "Okay, you're not going to like this..."
I quickly grabbed Remus's chin and uncorked the bottle with my other hand. His stubble gnashed against my skin but Remus needed this, whether he liked it or not. Forcing his jaw open, I was barely able to get the potion into his mouth well enough for him to swallow its contents.
Shockingly, Remus became more steady. He wasn't perfect but I knew right from his reaction that this wasn't Wideye Potion. There was one thing giving light to this office and that was the full moon that was on Remus's face.
"You... you're a werewolf, aren't you? That's why Dumbledore hired us both..." I said in bewilderment. "But- but you can't transform here! You'll destroy everything!"
"I know." Remus said with heavy breaths. The potion was making its way through him yet the effects of lycanthropy were far greater than what could be combated. "You need to leave and I'll try to make my way-" Remus tried to stand up and almost immediately collapsed.
"No, look-" I pulled Remus to his feet with his arm over my back so he could lean against me. Despite his height, he was remarkably light. "We'll get you somewhere safe. Where do you want to go?"
Remus considered protesting but he quickly came to realise he couldn't change my mind and he was too weak to fight. "To... the Forbidden Forest."
My heart jerked. The Forbidden Forest was bad enough any time of the day but at night, the forest was an impenetrable field of murkiness and shade. No matter how much I was scared, Remus needed me. Letting anything happen to him after we had been able to rekindle somewhat was far worse pain than darkness.
...
Each step made me fret for Remus more and more. As the moon rose higher in the sky, his condition worsened. Thanks to the riot going on in the Great Hall, every student was preoccupied and we managed to sneak out one of the back entrances. Now, we stood on the outskirts of the forest. Remus was still panting and I wasn't sure if he was actually receiving any oxygen.
"Go." was all he could muster. Like a drunk man, he swayed back and forth... but he didn't make it inside. His knees buckled and he fell to the ground without any form of grace. His back arched as each of his limbs jutted out of place. "Run!" he screamed in agony as the transformation began.
I wanted to run. If my safety depended on it then I had to go. I remembered what I told my students, sometimes all you can do is run. That was easier said than done... My feet were stuck in stone as Remus slowly began to look lupine and his human screams turned to that of howling.
The werewolf turned to me with a deep snarl. I stumbled back and tripped over my own shoes. My back hit the ground with a thud, almost whacking my head against the earth. Now, the werewolf had noticed its target. It came up to me with interest, looking at me with everything that I had to offer. I try to scramble back but the small incline worked against me.
"R-Remus, it's me. It's Y/N." I said quietly, trying to ignore the tears of panic pooling in my eyes.
The werewolf tilted its head and leaned in to sniff me. A sample of my hair tickled its nose.
"Y-you remember me, ri-right?" Whimpering was bringing it no closer to being subdued. One fell swoop of its claws would either scar me for life or kill me. In either circumstance, Remus would have to deal with the knowledge that he hurt me. I knew that would break him.
It snarled again, showing off its teeth that were dripping with saliva. It raised its claws in preparation to strike.
"Please don't hurt me. Remus... please!" I begged with my last efforts screaming from my mouth. The werewolf's eyes suddenly showed signs of recognition. It dropped its arm and ran deep inside the forest away from me. I somehow got through to him...
I quickly got to my feet and ran back inside the castle. Remus... he was going to need me tomorrow.
...
The very first thing in the morning that I did was go from my room straight to Remus's. His door had been left wide open and I could see his limp body thrown across the bed. His legs were hanging off the ends and his face didn't make the pillow. Carefully, I tried to rearrange him into a more comfortable position which worked somewhat.
In the meantime waiting for him to wake up, I prepared a damp cloth to try to bring out any of the heat that was plaguing him from the transformation. Despite knowing he almost killed me last night, I wasn't afraid of him. He was harmless like this.
Remus's body stirred and his eyes slowly opened. When he saw me, he sat up in distress and the cloth fell onto his lap.
"You- what are you doing here?" he asked in surprise.
"Looking after you. You... gave me a fright last night." I replied and took the cloth away from him. "How are you feeling?"
Remus looked away in shame. "I'd be lying if I said I felt fine. Transformations- they get easier as time goes on but the aftereffects are still a menace. I didn't hurt you, did I?" The tone in his voice shifted greatly to one of selflessness.
"It was a bit of a close call but it seems you regained your senses in time." I told him truthfully.
Remus let out a short sigh of relief. "Good. That's good to know. But now that you know, you and I can never associate outside of professionally again."
"What?" was the first thing to slip. "That's ridiculous, why would you say that?"
"Because I have to protect you." Without thinking, his hand grabbed mine. They were unsteady and bruised. "I won't be able to live knowing that I hurt you."
I grabbed his hand back. "You won't hurt me, Remus. Now that I know, we can plan ahead to make sure nothing happens and you can transform safely."
"Aren't you horrified by me?" I don't think he meant to ask that but before he could stop himself, it was too late.
"I'm not. Let me help you, Remus, even if it's by doing the bare minimum. Werewolf or not, you're still my..." My words drifted off, as did Remus's energy. He slouched back and I guided his head to the pillow. "We can talk about this later when you're more rested." I reassured.
Feelings of affection sprouted from within me. I leaned over to press a kiss on his forehead. When I went to stand up to leave, the hand that was enveloped in Remus's received a soft squeeze. At that time, I didn't know what it was that he meant. If I had to hazard a guess...
I'm sure he was meaning to say 'thank you.'