Self-Defense Class: A parody of Boating School from SpongeBob SquarePants with Total Drama characters.
Disclaimer for the series: Some (though far from all) chapters will contain moments of nudity or underwear due to the canon SpongeBob episodes' plots and gags, though it won't be anything that wouldn't happen in TD or SpongeBob. Credits to another user on FF for letting us use their idea, and another for their cast idea who wishes to remain anonymous. Some episodes may also take massive strays from canon in order for things to work. Feel free to leave a review if you enjoy it!
We see our faithful princess in a classroom, writing on a paper as a man with a southern drawl takes roll call. "Ella Whiton." He announced, making the singer raise her hand. "Present." She called in her musical way.
The man wrote something on a notepad. "That's everyone then." He had a buzz cut, a green army shirt, dog tags, and jean shorts with boots and high socks.
After a short pause and double-check, he continued. "Okay, everyone, this is the second-last quiz of the semester. You should all know how this works by now, but in case you don't, we'll go in alphabetical order. I'll test you all one by one in a private room nearby. Once you finish, pass or fail, you're free to go until next week."
Ella patiently waited for her turn. As her last name began with a W, she was going to be the last to go. She had taken the class itself a few times already, and the written stuff was usually fine, but when it got to the physical stuff, which counted for more than anything else, she had always struggled. Brick - or Mr. McArthur, the songbird constantly found herself calling him - had thankfully been quite patient with her despite this. After about 45 minutes, Ella was one of the only two in the room.
"Waiting for my test, hoping this attempt will be better than the rest!" She sang as quietly as she could to not disturb her test-taking classmate. The other girl in the room did hear her, though, and just scoffed. "Shmuck." She insulted in a thick Jersey accent on her way to the test room.
The clock ticked down more and more until Ella was the last one left. "Ella, can you come with me please?" Brick requested.
"Coming!" She obeyed. Soon she closed the door on the left side of the room, entering a closet with many models of people. The two stood on a blue mat, as Mr. McArthur struggled to put on a ski mask.
"Before we start, ma'am, I have a deal I'm willing to make with you. You've been going between a D- and an F this whole term. I'll let you pass if you can just pass one of the last two tests." Brick offered.
"Why, yes, I am very sorry for that." Ella apologized. "I promise that I will continue to try my hardest then!" She even gave a little salute, prompting the instructor to crack a smile.
"Alright, then let's begin." He then grabbed a bag prop and pretended to take it from Ella. "Imagine that a robber has taken your bag. What do you do in this situation?" He quizzed.
"Ah, um, I'm aware that it's only a demonstration, but I don't want to hurt you here!" She thought for a moment and suddenly tickled Brick, making him drop the bag out of shock. The songbird picked it up and ran, which was actually half right.
"I appreciate your clever tactics, ma'am, but I'm afraid that won't count." Brick reported, dusting himself off. "You'll need to come back tomorrow."
"Yes, sir, I understand." The songbird obediently responded.
Ella was then shown at home at night, thinking about her class that would happen the next day. "Oh, I certainly hope I pass tomorrow… I've gotten close to it a few times, but this is the closest I have ever been. It's just far too hard to want to hurt people… Two wrongs don't make a right, you know?" Mittens just rolled on the carpet, causing Ella to sigh.
Just then, a knocking was heard on the door. "Who could be visiting at this hour?" She thought before seeing her big friend Owen standing in front of her. "Hey, Ella, I was waiting for the pizza guy and I overheard you being upset. Is there anything I can help with?"
The songbird stepped aside to allow the big guy to enter. "Well, I've been attempting to pass my self-defense class for a while now, and I'm quite close this time, but I still struggle with all of the physical things."
Owen promptly took to Ella's desk chair, and rotated it to face the princess. "So because you feel bad hurting people, you're failing?"
"Well, I suppose that's the case… I'm aware that it's only a demonstration, but it makes me feel just terrible!" She then sat on her bed, putting her fingers through her hair to try to relax herself. "I just don't think my body can force such awful deeds to be done."
"Well, what if you just blind yourself? Then you couldn't tell that you're hurting people!"
"But then how would I tell where they are? I would also still be able to hear the noises. I'm sure that wouldn't be allowed for the test either…"
"Well, I think if we just say you put it on to test yourself, you'll be fine."
Ella seemed to consider this for a moment. "I suppose I could use my earpieces to not hear the injuries as well, but then I wouldn't be able to hear the instructor telling me my results…"
"Oh yeah, you're right…" Owen admitted before thinking for a moment himself. Suddenly, he gasped. "Oh, a phone call! I'll just tell you what your teacher says!" He came up with excitedly, before Ella's chair crumpled under the mighty Owen's weight.
The singer winced at the suddenness of this.
"I'm okay…" Owen groaned.
The next morning, Ella and Owen went to the self defense room. "Are you sure this is okay, Owen?" The songbird asked, just outside of the room.
"Trust me, you'll be headed for A town at 60 miles per hour!" He assured. "Okay, earbuds in then!"
Ella pulled out two pink earpieces, each decorated with a butterfly on them, and stuck them in her ears. The wireless connection was then applied to her phone, so the big eater called her to prepare for the test. "Testing testing! Roast beef with sprinkles on top." Owen spoke into Ella's ears. Holding back her laughter, she nodded.
"It's working perfectly!" Ella announced, talking far louder than she thought she was. "The blindfold is with me as well, so there should be no trouble."
"You might wanna try to speak a little quieter." The big guy advised before the two looked at the clock. Instead of speaking, Ella only nodded as she entered.
Just like before, Brick called down the list of class takers. Ella couldn't hear anything at all besides Owen's breathing in her ear and her thoughts. So much so that when it was her turn to go, she couldn't hear her instructor's call, and he had to come and get her.
"Oh, my apologies!" She said when Brick was done speaking before following him.
He explained what the songbird would have to do for the final test, but she couldn't understand him. Only Owen could due to the phone call, and the fact that he'd squeezed into a vent, so he quickly relayed the information to her.
"You gotta make sure he doesn't get away with your bags, Ella."
"Oh, yes, I'm ready! My apologies. One moment." She applied the blindfold to herself.
"He wants to know why you put the blindfold on."
"Oh! Ah, well I was thinking that the problem may be that I can see you. Out of sight, out of mind, perhaps?"
Brick simply shrugged and got ready.
"Okay, he said start! He's to your left!" Owen announced.
"Hmm?" Ella hummed as she turned that direction, accidentally hitting Brick in the stomach and making him drop the bag to continue the simulation.
"It's on the floor! Grab it!"
The songbird patted the floor right next to it twice before grabbing it and running to the other side of the room.
"Hey, you passed the first section! Good job!" The big eater repeated what the former cadet told the princess.
"Oh, hooray!" Ella celebrated, clapping. What's next then?" Owen glared at the army man's mouth. "I think he wants to practice a chase." Ella perked up. "Don't worry, he's only setting some cones. You're good. And… oh, now start! He's right in front of you. Cut him off on the right!"
Ella then skipped after Brick, who was shuffling away with her bag. She accidentally got in front of him and made him trip with her skipping, retrieving the bag as a result.
"He told you you're doing a good job! He said it's an… unconventional way to do it and that no one's ever done this before. He thinks you're cheating because of it!" Owen chuckled, but that made something dawn on Ella…
This wasn't traditional. She had someone helping her. That wasn't allowed.
She was cheating!
She cut off Brick in the middle of an explanation, tore the blindfold off, and ripped the earbuds out of her ears.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. McArthur! I-I didn't mean to cheat, honest! I've had my friend telling me the answers in my ears the whole time." She started sobbing into the instructor's shirt as she apologized several times over. The only intelligible thing that wasn't "I'm sorry" that could be understood was "I'm very sorry for letting you down…"
Brick sighed. "This is your first offense, and I can tell you didn't mean it, so I won't tell anyone about this incident, okay?"
The princess, still with tears in her eyes, looked up and nodded. "Thank you…" She managed to get out. "I-I'll try to do better next time then." She left the classroom, soon followed by Owen falling through the vents and landing in the middle.
"Uh… Hi?" He greeted awkwardly as the door shut.
A/N: Brick as Mrs. Puff may seem shocking, but that's due to their persistence and wanting their students to succeed no matter what. That was the main thing that the person I got the cast from told me, although some driving school episodes will come up with another character. The episode wasn't all that hard to make compared to the likes of some other episodes because we thought the idea of Ella accidentally cheating made sense for her. No more comments for now though.