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Ch. 50- "Requiem"
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" 'People yearned to have wings just like birds have, and so they took up to the skies,' the devil cunningly boasts about as the corpses follow their path…"
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Was it dark, or were his eyes closed? Had he ever opened them in the first place? He couldn't tell if he was standing or laying down. There was nothing under his feet, nothing pressing against his back, or any other part of him. Left, right, over, under; he had no bearings. Was this oblivion? If this was oblivion, then… why did he exist?
The moment the thought formed in his mind- no, before that, perhaps the catalyst of the thought itself- he felt himself being pulled, drawn in to… something. Somewhere. He was standing now, he knew that much. Something solid was under his feet, so he walked. For an eternity or a heart's beat, thousands of kilometers or barely a meter, he didn't know for his surroundings did not change. There was nothing but a solid surface beneath his feet… until there was.
Walls, windows, trees and lamp posts… either they'd always been there, or they only came into existence at the very moment he looked at them. A familiar street in a familiar town; if he continued following it, he'd end up… somewhere. So he walked. Sometimes, he would hear things. Voices, people talking, their words too faint, too muffled to make out, but he never saw anyone. There were no carriages, no carts, no people.
Laughter, happy voices- he didn't even realize his feet had begun carrying him towards the sounds until he realized that the road he'd been following was behind him. A window. He pressed his hands against the glass, looking inside. A fire roaring in the hearth, a table set for many people who he couldn't see. Was it winter? The disembodied voices had grown no louder, yet there was nowhere else to go down this route.
He stood there, watching the flames dance but feeling no warmth, hearing the joyful voices but understanding nothing that was said, for what was surely an eternity. He'd been born into, and lived during, and died experiencing that simple tranquility… and when he blinked, no time had passed at all. He didn't know where he was, where anyone was, where he was supposed to go, and these voices had no answers. So he turned and walked until his feet once more found that earlier road. It had to lead somewhere.
The longer he walked, the less the road felt like a street and more like a tunnel, an enclosed system leading him to a specific destination. A bell was ringing, and with every step he took forward, it grew louder, beckoning him. His surroundings had once more grown dark- he could no longer see the homes or trees or sky or anything. He only felt the ground beneath his feet and heard the bell, and assumed that, so long as he followed this path, it would lead him somewhere. He had to have been right, for he could once more hear voices- many voices saying many things. Surely one of them would be something he needed to hear.
He began walking faster, but as he picked up speed, the ground became more uneven. If he made longer strides, the ground would dip beneath his feet. If he tried to run, the gentle incline would turn steep. Every step grew ever more arduous, more painful, sharp stones piercing his soles, gnarled roots tangling around his ankles, tripping him, but he persevered. The bell rang louder, the voices grew clearer- and he was stopped. Halted in his tracks by an immovable object, something he could not see. He reached up, groping about in the darkness to try and discern what obstacle impeded his progress now. The darkness was solid, the void an impenetrable barrier… but he would not accept that.
He could hear the voices, so close now- he just needed to go a bit further. So he pushed, pushed with all his might… and felt something give. Just a little, but enough to know that this insurmountable thing could yield. He pushed harder. Something scraped loudly on the other side of the darkness as he threw his weight against it. It parted, opening just enough to allow a sliver of light to shine through. Emboldened by the sight of that simple glimmer, he shoved against the barrier harder, harder, until the gap was wide enough for him to squeeze through.
Desks, made of cheap pine and indented from hundreds of pencils pressing down on them over the years, had been moved along the walls and thus, in front of the door, their trestle benches stacked atop them. The golden light of sunset streaming in through the window set the dust motes ablaze. Leaning against the nearest desk to catch his breath, his eyes were instinctively drawn to the chalkboard. Whatever had been written on it previously had since been erased, the only reminder of the prior lesson the white streaks and smell of chalk dust heavy in the air.
"You shouldn't be here, Erwin." He flinched, even though the voice was neither harsh nor loud. He had been seeking words, but… not necessarily those. He opened his mouth, and he wondered if he too could speak.
"I- I had to come here." He could. The voice that left his lips sounded foreign, but he couldn't understand why. Those were his words, formed by his mind and lips and tongue, so why did they sound like they'd been spoken by a stranger, someone he wasn't?
"No, you didn't." The voice that responded was familiar, a voice he had known all his life, one he could never forget, never mistake for anyone else. "You could have played with your friends and gone home."
"But I-"
"-but you wanted to be here first, to get a head start on everyone else. To prove to everyone how smart you are." No… no, that wasn't right, he just… he just wanted to know… to know what, exactly? Many things, things he couldn't learn in an empty home. Slowly, he finally turned his attention to the lone figure in the room. Such a large, imposing figure… it was impossible not to feel small.
"No. That's not true." The figure wouldn't turn around to face him; wiping the chalkboard clean was clearly a task more deserving of his attention. All he could do was plead his case to the back of the figure's head, staring up at those broad shoulders and muscular back, staring at the short dark blonde hair near his nape, a sight that had been burned into his memory. "I just… I just wanted to prove that you were right…"
"…well, I certainly believe that… but you didn't. You didn't prove anything."
"I tried!" he insisted plaintively, as that tall, imposing figure whipped around, those all too familiar piercing blue eyes freezing him in place.
"You failed! Just like you failed at everything else!" He stepped forward, those pale blonde locks that were never seen out of place falling loose over his thick brows. "All you had to do was not run your mouth."
"I- I didn't know it was a secret-"
"It didn't matter! Your father didn't tell anyone, but no, YOU had to be smart! YOU had to be special!" He could only shake his head silently, his throat tight, a hand wrapped around it, squeezing, choking the life from him. "Don't deny it. You don't get to deny it. If you couldn't even do something as simple as stop talking, how could you ever do anything else? Lisa. Cecil. Horace. Mike. All of them died because you were convinced no one could outsmart you. No one could be as smart, as special as you."
The floor was soft. Sturdy wood now a soupy mix of mud and blood, graveyard dirt inundated with the stench of a thousand corpses. Was he on his knees, or had the earth swallowed him into a hole where he could rot? Hands stuck out from the damp soil like macabre flowers, grasping, reaching. Fingers closed around the back of his head, keeping him in place, not permitting him to look away.
"Every single one of those children died because you got outplayed by something that isn't even human. And for what?"
"I don't know…"
"You know. Say it." He tried to shake his head, but the fingers dug into his skull. "Say it!"
"Because I- I wanted to make things right…"
"Because the sniveling, pathetic little baby felt guilty and couldn't accept that he deserved it. You're supposed to feel guilty- you did something wrong!"
"I was a child!" He couldn't look away from that mass of flesh, that mountain of corpses, so he closed his eyes. "I didn't know it was wrong! I didn't kill anyone- I was eight! Why are you blaming me for something I didn't do!?" He received no answer. The voices, the ringing- it all stopped. The darkness was absolute, yet still he felt eyes on him. The mountain had become a Wall impossibly high, a pen, a cage. And the dark green eyes that peered over its edge were filled with a sorrow, a pain so great he felt it as if it were his own.
Hurts… it hurts… help me…
He was laying down. He could feel something solid and hard and cold under his back. His eyes were closed, but it was bright- the insides of his eyelids burned red. He was waking up. Or was he? Perhaps he'd been awake all this time and only now had he begun to dream. Well, if it was a dream, it wasn't a very pleasant one. His back hurt from the hard surface he was laying on. His head hurt, and he felt sick to his stomach. Reluctant as he was to open his eyes, he couldn't stop them from slowly parting, squinting against the too bright blue sky above him. He tried to raise his hand to shield them, but his whole body felt like it was weighed down. Something shifted beside him, and suddenly, that torturous sky was gone, replaced by a cooling shadow cast by the dark-haired man leaning over him.
"Erwin. Erwin, can you hear me?" His mind was filled with fog.
"…mrmph… yeah…" He blinked slowly, and the world came into a slightly sharper focus. It was windy, the cool breeze providing pleasant relief for the sun beaming down on them. His ears were ringing. The bell- no, not a bell. Screaming. Sobbing. Wailing, echoing across the Walls. He looked over without thinking, fully expecting to see Thomasin sitting beside him, covering her face as she howled, but that was wrong. The sky hadn't been blue that day- that was why she'd cried, wasn't it? Looking back up, he could make out the individual strands of Levi's fringe, a cut on his lip that was already beginning to scab over. Humanity's Strongest Soldier, bleeding his own blood? Something was wrong.
"Is… is this Hell? Am I dead?"
"Not yet. That's not the wails of the damned- it's Eren. Armin was among the casualties, and he's not taking it well…" Right. Casualties. Every battle came with a price. After the charge- The charge. Erwin pushed himself upright, the panic surging through him overcoming his lethargic limbs, fighting to untangle himself from the blanket that had been laid over him.
"The-the Beast Titan! The Colossal! Wh- Where- did we- did we fail!?" Strong, but surprisingly gentle hands grabbed his shoulders, stilling his frantic movements and laying him back down.
"Calm your ass and use your brain, Erwin. If we failed, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you, now would I?" No… no, that seemed unlikely, but… But at the same time, he shouldn't have been sitting there talking, either. He… he led the charge. He fired his flare, and then… and then the pain.
Breathing hard, he kicked the covers off, reaching down to his side. He'd felt it as he lay on the ground, felt the blood gushing over his hand. It happened, it had been real- his once white shirt and pants were a filthy mixture of browns, and all along his left side, the cloth was stiff where it had been saturated in blood. His blood. Pulling his shirt up, Erwin ran his hand over the skin just above his hip. Perfectly smooth. Not a scar, not even a blemish. There was still a thick scar on his left palm from when he'd grabbed Levi's blade, and yet, if it weren't for the blood, he'd swear he'd imagined everything. The dread had come on so slow, he didn't even feel it until he was drowning in it.
"No… you… you didn't…" Levi sat back and turned his attention fully to the ruined city below them.
"You told me to use it at my discretion."
"Not on me," Erwin whispered harshly. His whole body had begun to shake, breaths coming out in ragged gasps as his mind swam. Anger and fear were so closely intertwined, he couldn't tell them apart. "There- there had to be someone else-"
"There wasn't." Levi's head snapped back around to face him, climbing to his knees to loom over the commander. This must have been the last sight so many Titans had seen before they returned to the darkness… Titans like- "And even if there was, you were the only correct choice. Get up," he spat, grabbing a fistful of Erwin's shirt and roughly dragging him over to the edge of the Wall, turning him around. He couldn't restrain the breathless whimper that escaped his lips.
Every house had been reduced to rubble, giving him a clear view of the graveyard that lay beyond them. Horses and humans alike were in pieces. So much blood had spilled that, from atop the Wall, it looked as though a crimson lake had formed in Wall Maria. About half a kilometer away from the carnage was where he and Thomasin used to have picnics. A hand, smaller than his own but infinitely stronger, grabbed the back of his head, keeping him in place, keeping him from looking away as though he would have.
"There are nine of us left."
"I did this…" Erwin whispered, numb. He should have been more horrified, so much blood on his hands, another pile of corpses to carry on his shoulders, crushing him between them and the mountain of bodies at his feet… And yet, despite that initial shock, he felt oddly little staring out at the remains of all those children who'd had their lives ahead of them.
"Yeah," Levi agreed, rather coldly. "You did. This was your plan. And that's why you've got to deal with the aftermath. Who the fuck else do you think can bring us back from this? Hange? That garbage monster can't even brush their teeth every day. Me? Tch." The disgust in his voice grew even darker. "I issued one important order, to you of all people- I ordered you to die, and you couldn't even do that right, so how the fuck am I supposed to deal with actual incompetence?" He let his hand fall away from Erwin's hair, sitting back down. As he rested his chin atop a raised knee, Erwin noticed the faint lines around the older man's lips were carved more prominently that usual, the only sign that his frown was deeper than the usual downward tilt of his lips.
"All I'm good for is following orders, and I can't even accomplish that… I didn't kill the Beast Titan." Erwin's heart stopped. No… that- that was the whole point; that was the reason they did any of this, the reason all those children died…
"Why not?!" Levi bowed his head further.
"…I hesitated."
"You-!" Erwin let himself fall back onto the Wall, staring up at the sky as he tried to wrap his mind around this impossibility. No, that couldn't be- Levi didn't hesitate. Levi followed orders, and if his order had been to kill something, he killed it. If that monstrosity was still running loose, then… "We failed. It was all for nothing… You should have just let me die-!" It wasn't a fist that hit him- it was a brick covered in a thin layer of flesh. Erwin's head snapped so violently to the side, he heard his neck crack. His ears were ringing, but before he could even realize what happened, Levi was on top of him, fists clenched, teeth bared, a fury unlike anything he'd ever seen before burning in those dark gray eyes.
"Don't you ever, EVER fucking say that again!"
"Levi! Get off of him, you lunatic!" He didn't hear them running, only saw Hange appear behind Levi, physically pulling him away. The shorter man shrugged them off, walking a few steps away to collect himself. Hange sighed heavily, lowering themselves slowly to sit beside Erwin and pulling him up. "He didn't knock any teeth out, did he?" He paused in rubbing his aching cheek, running his tongue over his teeth. The gaps that were there were the same ones from two months ago, knocked out by Aleister's boot.
"No…" He dropped his hand, reaching over to his right arm and squeezing. Shoulder. Bicep. And nothing else. Still staring at the empty sleeve, he quickly went back to his left side, poking and prodding at the fully intact flesh. Beside him, Hange chuckled weakly.
"Heh… yeah, I did the same thing. When we first pulled you out, I didn't even notice- I was just so happy and relieved that you were alive that it didn't matter. It wasn't until we got back on top of the Wall that things started looking a little suspect."
He looked up at them, and his question died on his tongue as he took in their appearance. The left side of their face was heavily bandaged, but he could still see dark brownish red seeping through around their eye. Their goggles were gone, their always messy hair in an even worse state of disarray, loose and frizzy and singed. Their clothes were almost completely black, and even with the constant breeze, the faint scent of smoke still wafted from them. But the most striking difference wasn't in their appearance, but their demeanor. That exuberance, that well-spring of an almost childlike wonder and joy… was gone. The person sitting beside him looked like Hange, but the thing inside that made them Hange was gone.
"What happened?" he asked softly. Their lower lip began to quiver, but they did not cry. Judging from the streaks in the soot on their face, they had shed as many tears as they could spare already.
"Hell," Hange told him simply in a quiet, broken tone he knew he'd heard once before. "Hell happened. …I don't know if there's a God, or a Heaven… but I know with absolute certainty that there's a Hell…" They offered no more details and he didn't ask, simply pulled them closer, and when Hange laid their head on his chest, he just began to rock slightly. He had many questions and little information. The Beast Titan was still alive, but he didn't know where. Out of a hundred soldiers, nine were left. He himself had been turned into a Titan, but Eren was still sobbing quietly somewhere along the Wall, and they were still in Shiganshina, meaning… He reached up, massaging his temples. His head was killing him, but he could not rest. Their mission was still active, and as long as he was still breathing, he still had to fulfill his duty as commander.
"Levi."
"What?"
"Stop sulking and tell me what happened." His lieutenant's hands balled into tight fists, but he turned on his heel, stomping over and flopping down in front of his comrades.
"I killed all the Titans in Wall Maria except for that four-legged one. It ambushed me and helped the Beast get away."
"Did you at least see who was inside of it?"
"Yeah. Some blonde-haired, blue-eyed shit with glasses and a beard. Didn't catch his name, on account of cutting his jaw off, but he was definitely older than Reiner and Bertholdt- probably younger than us, though." Levi's eyes narrowed and he shook his head slightly. "I'm starting to fucking hate blonde men…" So it wasn't just children in on this plot… With the mention of Bertholdt and Reiner, he could no longer skirt around the issue he had been dreading.
"And what of the Armored and Colossal? Did they also escape?"
"No." Hange sat up, trying to rub the eye under the bandages only to have their hand slapped away by Levi. "Both targets were eliminated. The thunder spears worked better than planned- we should definitely be able to use them on Annie if push comes to shove."
"You're certain they're both dead? We don't yet know the full regenerative abilities of-"
"They're dead," his section commander affirmed, their voice hard and cold. "Their regeneration is more potent than we initially assumed- Reiner was able to continue marginally functioning, at least within his Titan, after losing half his skull.I wasn't going to take any chances after that. He's in several pieces being quarantined in different houses; the last time I checked on them, they didn't show any signs of growing into a new person, so I think we're in the clear. We'll burn them before we return to Trost just to be sure, though. He had documents on him; letters from Ymir to Historia. I gave them a cursory glance, and they seem legitimate." He almost sighed in relief.
"We'll deal with them later. What of Bertholdt?" Levi reached out and gave Erwin a hard poke in the stomach. Yes… that was right; in order for a mindless Titan to regain their human form, they would have to eat another human who was already a Shifter… meaning he would have… He barely managed to pull away from Hange before the bile came rushing up his throat. Clambering onto his knees, he heaved, vomit splashing across the surface of the Wall. He was afraid to open his eyes; what if he saw blood? Bones? Hair?! He retched harder, his body convulsing in dry heaves as a warm hand rubbed soothing circles on his back. For a moment, he was certain it was Thomasin, but that was ridiculous, a dream too dear.
"Don't worry, Erwin; technically you didn't eat anyone," Hange explained to him kindly, "your Titan did. We already determined through Eren's vomit and stool samples that the things you ingest in your Titan form don't appear in your human stomach, so… yay?"
"I ate a human being…!"
"Don't think of it as cannibalism," Levi said. "Think of it as- fuck, what's that blood magic fuckery called?- a blood transfusion. Just with extra steps… or less steps, depending on how you look at it."
"…that's so much worse…! I- I can't process this right now…"
"You don't have to. You're probably still exhausted; you should rest." The sympathy in Hange's face and voice made him feel even worse when he sat there, unscathed compared to the horror they'd just experienced. Rest? What right did he have to rest? How could he rest when he still had so much work to do?
"No. I'll rest when we return. As of now, we still have a mission. Is the inner gate sealed?"
"Sealed enough. All the rubble's still there, so Eren could only close it from one side."
"And the basement?" Levi's lip curled in disdain.
"We didn't go to your sacred basement without you, Erwin; keep your fucking panties on. Half of Shiganshina is still on fire." Hange's tone was far less callous.
"We might have to wait until nightfall for the flames to die down before we can go look for it, though hopefully not… and that's assuming it's even still there." Drawing their knees up to their chest, they wrapped their arms around them, trying to make themselves as small as possible. "The Colossal… When it fell on us at Wall Rose, it left a massive crater, but this… everything's just… gone. The houses, the people… there aren't even bones left. It's just a crater of ash…" A horrible realization struck him.
"Moblit…?" Hange shook their head, still staring forward.
"He saw Bertholdt before I did. He pushed me into a well… I think I broke a few ribs, but… I'm alive. And he's not. My whole section… there weren't even any bones…" Their face remained impassive even as their voice grew choked with tears.
"Oh, Hange… I'm so sorry…" Erwin moved closer to them, wrapping his arm around their shoulders the way they often did to him. He could feel the little tremors as they fought to keep their breathing steady. He looked up at Levi who, though faced away from the scene, had reached out to lay his hand on Hange's knee. "Who all is left?"
"My squad and one of the recruits from Klaus' section. They're all pretty banged up- Connie and Sasha got the worst of it- but they'll live." Erwin didn't catch anything he'd said after "recruits".
"One of the recruits from the charge?"
"Yeah." Levi climbed to his feet, a look of mild discomfort flashing across his face for all of a second. Perhaps his age was also catching up with him; Humanity's Strongest Soldier was only flesh and blood, after all, and nearly forty… wonders never ceased.
Loosening his embrace of Hange just enough to look behind him, Erwin took in their pathetic base camp. A few meters away, two of the Scouts were laid out as another sat beside them, drinking from a canteen. He couldn't see the extent of their injuries as they were both covered with the same type of blanket as him, but they both had bandages on their heads. Two of them, whom he assumed were Eren and Mikasa, were even further away, two little specks sitting with their legs dangling over the edge of the Wall. One of them had their arm around the other. Seeing as he could still hear Eren weeping even now, he assumed Mikasa was the one doing the comforting. If any Garrison soldiers had been doing their duty and patrolling the outer Wall fifteen years ago, they would have come across the same scene. Fifteen years, and it never once occurred to him to ask Why were you crying that day?
I wish you'd left me in that forest to die…
He kicked those thoughts by the wayside as Levi returned with a familiar young man in tow.
"Floch." For a long, long time, the boy simply stood there, staring down at him. His eyes were a shade of brown that looked like they should be warm, evoking cheerily crackling hearths and fresh baked bread… it always unnerved Erwin slightly when warm brown eyes were cold. There were specks of loathing, of rage in those dark eyes, the ghost of Levi glaring up at him from a puddle of sewage and silently vowing to slit his throat. But eventually, the boy blinked and issued a salute.
"Commander."
"This is the one who saved you. Carried you all the way into Shiganshina on his back looking for me." Floch was wearing his cloak, but Erwin could still see the rust colored stains blood had soaked into his pants. His blood. He remembered Thomasin's dead weight on his back as she bled out, that stab of terror in his gut every time another strangled gasp warmed his cheek because he was convinced it would be the last. She hadn't weighed nearly as much as he did.
"In that case, I owe you both my thanks and my life."
"I don't want your thanks, Commander Erwin. All I want from you is for you to do your duty."
"Excuse me?"
"The Beast Titan is still alive. Our enemies are still out there." He took a step closer, his eyes still cold, but in a different way. The hate was still there, but it wasn't directed at Erwin. "All of us are weak, even the lieutenant. None of us has the strength to do what must be done. 'Friends', 'dreams'- none of that shit's gonna stop the Titans from killing us, and you're the only one who acknowledges that!" Floch knelt before him, bowing his head. "You're the only one who has the guts to do what needs to be done, the only one who doesn't let sentimental bullshit stop him… Humanity needs you, Commander. That's why God spared me; so I could deliver unto humanity its' savior."
If he'd been even slightly less of a mental wreck, Erwin would have been able to keep himself composed, but after all the shit he'd endured over the last few hours, he couldn't stop his jaw from dropping, gaping in silent horror at the boy declaring him a savior. He looked to Levi, demanding an explanation with a silent What the fuck?! Levi shrugged, looking nearly as disturbed as him.
"Fuck if I know; he's been on this bullshit since Mika-" He shut his mouth immediately, instantly tipping Erwin off that something was wrong.
"Since Mikasa what?"
"You didn't tell him!?" Floch angrily demanded of Levi, earning a cold glare from the lieutenant.
"Boy, you need to shut your mouth before I slap the taste out of it…" If Humanity's Strongest Soldier had spoken in that tone to anyone else, even a grown man twice his size, most anyone would be on the verge of wetting themselves. However, experiencing true horror had a way of dulling the edges of most things. The boy got to his feet. Even though he was young and slenderly built, he was still a fair bit taller than Levi.
"No! I won't shut up! This is just proof of how weak you are, that you're afraid of that thing—"
"That's enough, Forster," Erwin snapped. "You will show your commanding officer the respect he is due." Rather than appear contrite, the recruit only looked vilified as he quirked a brow.
"We're supposed to respect our commanding officers, are we?"
"If you don't want to get written up for insubordination, yes."
"I see. So, what would the punishment be if I, say… pulled a blade on one of my commanding officers and threatened to kill them?"
"Death." In spite of the dire seriousness in Erwin's tone, Floch wasn't afraid. He simply nodded.
"That's what I thought… so why the fuck is that crazy Ackerman bitch still alive after trying to kill the lieutenant!?"
"I'm sorry, what?" It wasn't the recruit's accusation that shocked him so much as Levi's reaction to it. The tight jaw, the furrowed brows- after six years of living and working with the man, Erwin knew what shame looked like on his face. "Is there something you want to tell me, Levi?"
"It's not something you need to worry about, Erwin—"
"Yes, it is! I don't know why the lieutenant's trying to sugarcoat this!" His head was about to explode, and it seemed he wasn't the only one getting fed up with all this screaming.
"Auuugh, shut UP! Please, shut up- it hurts!"One of the injured members of Levi's squad screamed, probably Sasha judging by the voice, their pain and frustration echoing across the desolate land below. Erwin rubbed his eyes, trying to keep the pressure behind them from building.
"Sit, Floch." The boy lowered himself to the ground, crossing his legs in front of him. "Now, explain what you're on about. Quietly."
"When the lieutenant decided to use that Titan serum on you instead of what's-his-name- Armin- Eren and Mikasa took it upon themselves to decide that their friend was more important than the good of humanity and attacked him."
"Eren didn't do shit to me," Levi quickly interjected. "Yeah, he copped an attitude, but his weak-ass baby grip is not a threat."
"Mikasa almost cut your head off!"
"I've had barbers come closer to cutting my head off than she did..." Erwin almost choked on his indignation.
"You're arguing semantics instead of addressing the bigger issue that the soldiers under your command attacked you!" Levi brushed his concerns off.
"Scared, angry children lashing out-"
"Soldiers! They don't get that excuse anymore! They stopped being children when they put on the Wings of Freedom! Even children should know better!"
"Yes!" Floch cried out happily. "See?! This is why we need you, Commander Erwin! Those two are a menace, and Connie and Jean aren't any better! They just stood there and did nothing- they didn't even open their worthless mouths! They would have happily watched you bleed to death because friendship is more important to them than having an experienced commander lead us! The only ones who tried to help you were me and Section Commander Hange, and that freak Mikasa nearly broke the section commander's hand for having the audacity to try and stop her from killing us!" Erwin looked from the panting, flushed recruit to Hange, who was currently trying to curl into an even tighter ball.
"Is that true, Hange?"
"It wasn't her fault; I grabbed her from behind and-"
"So she did try to break your hand?"
"It was a reflex." Hange tried to pull their right hand away, but Erwin moved faster. The moment he grabbed it, they cried out in pain. It had been wrapped tightly, but he could see through the bandages that their fingers were still bruised and swollen.
"…if a reflex can do this to your hand, I'd hate to see what it would do to your throat…" He released them, letting them cradle their injured hand to their chest. "I'm disappointed, Levi. I know I've told you in the past not to decide what information to withhold from me. And while I appreciate your… dedication, Floch, you need to understand that this is not the Garrison Regiment; you do not take so disrespectful a tone with your superiors in the Survey Corps. If you find Eren and Mikasa's disregard for authority so abhorrent, I would expect you to hold yourself to a higher standard than them." At the very least, the boy had the decency to look contrite.
"…yes, sir." He turned to face Levi. "I apologize for my outburst, Lieutenant."
"…tch." Turning on his heel, Levi began walking along the Wall.
"Well," Hange began thoughtfully, "he didn't kick you in the mouth, so I'd say your apology was accepted." They sighed heavily. "…this is worse than it was five years ago…"
"I know; I thought we were bad off with twenty able-bodied soldiers."
"That's not what I'm talking about…"
"Then what?" They shook their head.
"We can talk about it later. Right now, I think we need to start coming up with some plans… and by 'we' I mean 'you', Commander." Erwin sighed as well, closing his eyes and leaning back on his arm.
"We have no horses- exactly the scenario I was hoping to avoid. For now, we recuperate, and then we split into teams. One team will need to scavenge for whatever of our supplies can be found in the rubble, and the other will have to see if the basement is still intact." A sudden, joyless laugh bubbled up his throat. "Can you imagine if, after all we did to get here, the Yaeger house caught on fire and whatever was in there burned up? Heh… I think I'd jump off the Wall if that happened."
"Don't joke about that," Hange spat at him, their single eye flashing angrily.
"Don't worry, Hange… I'm not joking."
~o0o~
They waited atop the Wall until the smoke rising from the smoldering ruins of Shiganshina was no longer so thick that it couldn't be seen through. There were no more Titans around- Levi had made sure of that- so Erwin worried less about their already small host breaking into even smaller units. The injuries suffered by the members of Levi's squad thankfully weren't debilitating.
Scalds from the Colossal's steam, a slight concussion, and a few cuts and contusions from the thunder spears' shrapnel. Hange was the first to admit that their design needed a few more passes to iron out the kinks. They left Connie, Sasha and Floch under the command of Jean Kirstein (much to Floch's barely-contained disgust) as they all agreed Jean was the most adept leader of them all-
…they didn't even open their worthless mouths! They would have happily watched you bleed to death…
-damningly faint praise in his book.
As they descended the Wall to pick over the bodies for spare fuel and blades, Erwin and his officers approached the pair they had been all but ignoring all this time. Eren had stopped crying quite some time ago, but they had not moved from their spot. His legs still felt a bit unsteady, but he wasn't paying his gait any mind. Every step he took was like a step further into the past. If he let his gaze go unfocused, it was like looking into a mirror- no. Not a reflection of himself. A portrait, a moment frozen in time before he realized just how cruel the world truly was, when all he saw that day was the beauty it contained therein.
Mikasa noticed their approach first, and the way her hand not wrapped around Eren's shoulder twitched towards her blades for just a millisecond brought him sharply back to the present. That tiny, probably reflexive action certainly lent more credence to Floch's accusations.
"Eren. You still have the key, I trust." The boy stiffened. He reached into his collar and pulled the makeshift necklace over his head, tossing it backwards. It hit the Wall with a soft 'ping', bouncing to a stop against Erwin's boot. Sighing, he stooped and grabbed it. It was warm in his palm, and his hand shook for a moment before he clenched his fingers tighter. "You're coming too, Eren."
"No, I'm not." Erwin frowned. He would have been willing to overlook that first disrespectful display, fully aware that, despite what he himself had said, he was dealing with a grieving child who was lashing out in pain, but there was a difference between acting out and disobeying direct orders.
"I was not asking you. Get up."
"Why?" the boy spat, sniffling and gasping through his growing anger. "I already plugged up the gates. You don't need me. You don't need Armin. You don't need anyone but you. Isn't that right, Commander? You're the heart and soul of the Survey Corps, you're the only 'light of hope humanity has within these Walls'- the rest of us are just replaceable canon fodder, but not you…!" That little rant had Levi written all over it, but whatever his lieutenant had said while he was incapacitated didn't matter.
"Eren… why did you want to join the Survey Corps if you knew you were going to turn on us the moment things didn't go your way? Why even join the military at all if you have such a problem with following orders?" Eren turned to face him, his bright green eyes bloodshot and swollen and dark with fury, with hatred.
"I didn't-!"
"You look… uncannily like a boy I saw the day Wall Maria fell. When we were returning from our last expedition of that year…"
"I- that was me…" Shock momentarily overtook the anger as those bright green eyes widened in recognition. "I saw you that day… you were the Scout who looked at me…! I- I always wanted to see the Scouts come back from a mission, but my mom never let me…"
"You saw us that day," Erwin pressed, his voice hard, cold. All the hope and pride he'd seen in those eyes five years ago was gone now. "You saw how few of us there were, the state we were in. You didn't see the rest. The dozens upon dozens of bodies we had to leave behind… The hundreds of sun-bleached bones littering the fields beyond Wall Maria like guide stones… But you saw enough, and you still wanted to join our legion. Your friends came with you, and you still wanted to be one of us. I get it now…" The commander lowered himself to Eren's level, his eyes shards of ice that bored into the boy.
"Seeing all those dead and injured soldiers didn't bother you, because those were other people. Who cares about them? Things don't matter unless they affect Eren Yaeger personally. It's okay when other people lose their friends, their loved ones, but Eren Yaeger suffering a loss? Oh no, that's a step too far. That's why you assumed Shadis had to have been friends with Noah Walsh- because the idea of crying over someone you aren't personally close to is a foreign concept to you, isn't it? Did you think this would never happen? That, by some miracle, your friends alone would remain untouched by the horrors we face? Mike Zacharias was the best damn soldier to have ever joined the Survey Corps, and he died just like everyone else, ripped to shreds. Did you think Armin Arlert, a boy who didn't even rank in the top fifty percent of your class,was better than him? Better than every veteran officer, better than every other soldier in our ranks?"
"N-no, but-"
"Clearly you did, otherwise, you wouldn't be throwing a tantrum over the fact that he died!"
"Don't yell at him!" Mikasa was half on her feet, but Erwin was even less inclined to tolerate insubordination from her.
"Sit back down and shut your mouth, Ackerman. When I want you to speak, you'll know." Her jaw was tight, her teeth clenched behind her lips. It wasn't until Eren reached out, her fingers brushing against her wrist that she relaxed, her posture still poised to strike. Oh, he'd have to deal with that bullshit immediately when they returned to Trost. He wasn't worried now, mostly because he could feel Levi behind him. He turned his attention back to Eren.
"You cannot be that ignorant. You knew anyone in the Survey Corps could die, including your friends, and you joined us anyway. It's too late to regret that decision. If you want to cry and scream and be a pissy little child, do that shit on your own time. I gave you an order, Yaeger, and I expect you to obey it. Now, Get. Up." Erwin rose, his eyes never leaving Eren's. The defiance in those emerald depths still burned hot enough to sear him to the bone, and he wondered if that was what Shadis saw in his own eyes all those years ago, That… insubordination… Ultimately, however, Eren looked away, his misery overtaking his anger as he slowly climbed to his feet. Erwin let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "That's it, soldier," he told him quietly. "There will be time to mourn later. There always is."
~o0o~
The majority of homes near the inner Wall were intact, at least those far enough from the main road. It was clear where Titans had come through in the last five years, as most everything along the widest path was demolished. Eren's hardened Titan shell seemed as though it had been sprawled out in the opening left by the gate. It was hardly a flattering pose, but aesthetics were the least of their concerns. Before they set off to their destination, there was something that needed to be done. Erwin didn't know where they were going; he simply followed in silence, stopping in his tracks as he noticed a human leg laying on the ground beside a ruined home.
It wasn't one of his Scouts, he knew that much- the white riding pants and high leather boot that would've marked these remains as one of their own was instead replaced with dark slacks and an oddly crafted boot that laced all the way up in a fashion unlike anything he'd seen before. He swallowed hard against the nausea swelling inside him once more. This wasn't what they were here for. Eren and Mikasa knelt down amidst the overgrown weeds of another house, and Erwin craned his neck to see what they were doing. If he'd been any less conditioned by the horrors of his tenure as a Scout, he would have cried out in disgust.
He didn't even recognize it as a body at first, assuming it was yet another piece of rubble, but then he saw the hands, withered, emactiated fingers locked in a claw-like grip as if he'd died holding something. Most of the flesh had been burned away, exposing the bone in several places, that which remained charred to the point of no longer resembling flesh in the slightest. Erwin didn't know the full extent of how severe his own injury had been, but he was fairly certain that his limbs hadn't begun falling apart at the joints.
It was a cruel thing to think, but he couldn't help but wonder if the serum wouldn't have been wasted had Levi chosen Armin, at least in this state. Clearly, it had its limitations- his missing arm and teeth spoke to that. While someone who was already a Shifter could regenerate and heal even the most grievous wounds (half a skull missing, really), it seemed that the injuries suffered pre-injection weren't guaranteed. Sewing together split flesh was one thing- reconstituting charred meat was another. …they really knew nothing about the world they inhabited.
They tried to move him, to lay him on the cloak he'd been covered with, but as they shifted the body, a piece of his leg snapped off into Eren's trembling hand. The boy stumbled away, retching violently, and Hange slowly moved to take his place. Armin Arlert's childhood home was near the Wall- Eren silently pointed it out to them. The lock had rusted shut, but a swift kick from Levi opened the door all the same. They'd wrapped the boy's body in another cloak- Hange's- as Levi and Hange laid him in his old bed one final time.
They left Eren alone as his weeping began anew, so blinded by his tears he didn't even notice Mikasa appearing beside him with a fistful of wildflowers plucked from the overgrown street. The veterans waited outside for the recruits to say their goodbyes. Hange reached up, clearly trying to rub at the eye beneath the bandages. This time, Erwin pulled their hand away, squeezing their fingers slightly. He didn't know exactly what had happened to them yet, but judging by the state of everything else, he doubted it was pretty.
"This is the worst part," they whispered. "The kids are always so much… louder, when they cry."
"I feel bad for yelling at them," Erwin confessed in a low voice.
"Don't." Levi's tone was hard. "Trust me, when you hear the details of the shit they pulled, you're gonna tear them a new asshole each. I don't know what the fuck got into them. I mean, I do, but I didn't think it was going to be that bad..."He inhaled deeply, leaning against the cracked plaster wall. "…you were right, Erwin. You know it, I know it- hell, Eren knows it, as much as he wants to pretend he doesn't; people die, and Scouts die a whole lot faster than most. Armin was a smart kid- I wish I could've saved him, too, but… the choice between a kid who just graduated basic training, even if he's had a couple good ideas, and a military leader with your experience, with your accomplishments… that's not even a choice."
"If we could have figured out exactly how to replicate that Titan serum, this wouldn't have even been an issue…" Hange whispered, blinking rapidly as a tear rolled down their cheek. He wondered if they were thinking about Moblit. Surely they were. Erwin reached out, brushing away the wet trail with his thumb.
"There's still hope. Perhaps one day in the future, we can. Perhaps one day, these tragedies will be a thing of the past." Quiet sniffles and shuffling boots drew their attention to the doorway. Mikasa was leading Eren by the hand, her face an apathetic mask in spite of the dampness still clinging to her cheeks. Eren's other hand was still shakily wiping his own swollen eyes. Levi pushed himself away from the wall of the house with a sigh.
"Lead the way."
Walking through Shiganshina again after all these years was a surreal, if not somber experience. The streets had never been fully clean, but never had so much grass and so many weeds been underfoot, usually trampled by all the people walking them… the people. Erwin remembered these streets always being crowded, filled with men and women and children, the sounds of talking and arguing and laughter so loud, you couldn't hear your own thoughts. When he and Thomasin wanted a bit of silence, they walked along the river.
Bones littered their paths, not the bones of Scouts, but those of the long dead inhabitants of the district, mostly incomplete and broken, half buried amidst the rubble, bleached by the sun, gnawed clean by rats and dogs and other scavengers… Did any of these bones belong to people he had seen or heard of? The kind old woman who'd sold him the first real present he'd bought for Thomasin? The baker's boy who always gave her a free slice of currant bread? The fisherman who caught the trout she'd prepared for his birthday and his pregnant wife- no, she'd probably given birth by the time the Titans came… maybe there was a complete little baby skeleton in the apartment next to Thomasin's…
"Erwin?" Hange's voice sounded far away, despite them walking right beside him, and he startled at their touch. "Are you okay? You look pale. Maybe you shouldn't have come; you're probably still exhausted after transforming-"
"No. I'm fine. Everything is fine, I'm just…"
"Reminiscing?" Levi supplied for him. He glanced around the area, a strange, almost melancholic look on his own face. "The gimp worked somewhere around here, didn't she?" Erwin frowned as he too looked around. That was… right… He took a few steps into the avenue to their left. Most of the smoky widows were broken, but he recognized the dark storefront.
"Yes…" But… how could Levi of all people have known that? That day, he'd specifically avoided going near the apothecary, and that was too accurate to have been a lucky guess. Hange pulled him back from his suspicions.
"Oh, yeah… I guess you would have memories here; you practically lived in Shiganshina for, what? Ten years?"
"Nine." It wasn't until his second year in the Survey Corps that he began visiting the district, visiting her.
It had been snowing that day, just after the new year, and Mike and Lisa and Gerwalt were all mad at him for roping them into his ass-kissing schemes… That day was the first time he'd ever seen Thomasin smile, really smile… He hadn't even realized he'd stopped walking until he looked up and noticed that Eren had stopped walking as well. Even in his uniform, he looked so very young, standing amidst all those ruined buildings with his large green eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.
"Were… you from Shiganshina, Commander…?"
"No. My wife lived here after she was discharged. I spent most of my free time visiting her… Shiganshina is very dear to me as a result." That's right… all the times he rode through the main street heading out on and returning from expeditions, all the times he walked to her apartment from the ferry port, and walked with her through the inner gate out into Wall Maria's territory… Trost was where he lived, but Shiganshina, perhaps even more so than the district he'd been born in, was one of the few places that felt like a home…
Whatever Eren thought of that information, he didn't know, as the boy turned back around and continued leading them closer and closer to the outer gate. The destruction grew worse the closer they got, less structures left intact, more remains half buried in the dust along with chunks of brick and mortar. Some of the homes were still smoldering and occasionally a beam would give, sending a shower of embers into the air, but the flames had not spread to the Wall itself yet. The teens turned a corner, and Erwin's heart sank as soon as he saw, immediately figuring where they were going. The stone must have come from the gate itself, a massive boulder of stone and brick and mortar almost as large as the one that plugged up Trost. Chunks of plaster and splintered wooden beams implied that everything would have been destroyed, but even amidst the destruction, remnants of a simpler, happier life remained.
Mikasa went to her knees, pushing aside a large slab of plaster and picking up half of a tea cup. With reverent hands, she brushed away the dirt that covered the porcelain before picking up the other half and fitting them together. Eren joined her, lifting up a cracked, but still intact plate, and staring at it as though it were a window into the past. The older Scouts let them work, sorting through things they probably never gave a second thought to once, now precious mementos of what they'd lost. Erwin had done the same thing the last time he went back to his childhood home; walking through the empty rooms in silence, touching everything, for no matter how insignificant it had been in the past, every single memory of a person or place became meaningful when those memories were all that were left.
"You know, you can probably clear all this rubble away yourself," Levi whispered to him. Right. Because he was the Colossal Titan now… the monster that caused this tragedy in the first place. Erwin shook his head.
"I could, potentially, but I'd sooner not take that risk. I've never transformed willfully, to say nothing of that form, and I might do more harm than good if I try to now."
"Yeah, Levi- you seem to be forgetting what Titan Erwin has. He'll burn everything around him to ash when he transforms- including us." The usual lilt of excitement that filled Hange's voice when they spoke about Titans was conspicuously absent now, their tone cold. He took a small step back from them.
They didn't need to use Titans for this task; manpower would be enough. Finding a still-intact beam, the five soldiers wedged it under the stone, their combined weight lifting it just enough to roll two meters away. That was enough to reveal a partially splintered cellar door that came off its hinges when they opened it. Lowering one of their lamps into the dark recess, Hange let out a relieved sigh.
"Looks like it didn't flood. Thank god for small favors." No, it wouldn't have flooded- it was too far from the river for that.
They were almost there… They were so close… Erwin wiped his sweaty palm on his pants, the blood soaked into the left leg thankfully dry.
"You first, Eren." Eren stared into the stairwell, his hands trembling as his breathing grew more and more ragged. Mikasa laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, her voice almost too soft for the rest of them to hear.
"Eren… let's go."
"…right."
They descended the stairs together, their shoulders brushing as Mikasa held her own lamp aloft to provide them light. Erwin followed two steps behind. His heart pounded so fiercely that he was growing lightheaded, and with every step down, he had to pause for a second to ensure he didn't collapse. As they stopped before the door, Levi glared up at him, his face terrifying in the unnatural blue light. Erwin handed the key back to Eren- this was his home, his father's secrets; it was only right that he reveal it to them. Hange inhaled deeply, the breath they let out shuddering.
"This is it… Behind that door-"
"-is the most important thing in the world, apparently," Levi cut them off, his eyes boring holes into Erwin's skull. He raised himself on his toes, lowering his voice to a loathsome whisper only the taller man could hear. "I know this is the only fucking thing in existence that matters to you, but at least have the decency to show some restraint. You're drooling. What next?You gonna piss yourself with excitement? Maybe shit and cum from the sheer ecstasy-"
"Levi, language," Erwin muttered as he wiped the dampness from the corners of his mouth, barely having heard what the other man said but knowing it was nothing pleasant.
He didn't care what his lieutenant said, what he thought- right now, the only thing he cared about was seeing that door open, and finding it. The proof. The reward. The thing that would make everything worth it. He held his breath as Eren inserted the key into the door, straining his ears for that tell-tale 'click'. It never came. The boy whimpered, his hand shaking as he tried, and failed, to turn it.
"Eren…?" The tremor in Mikasa's voice was almost imperceptible.
"It doesn't… it's not the right key…"
"What?!" No… no, that wasn't possible- that couldn't be possible…!
"It has to be," Mikasa insisted, "that's the key Dr. Yaeger always wore."
"I know it is, but it's not working!"
"Everyone, just calm down!" Hange's voice was even, despite their hands shaking almost as badly as Erwin's. "The lock's probably just rusty. We can fix this-"
"No time. Move." Levi roughly pushed Eren and Mikasa out of the way, ignoring Hange's panicked shouts as he drove his foot through the rotten wood just above the doorknob with a crack like lightning. Mike usually tried to keep the door intact when he did that, but the shorter man always had lacked his patience. Splinters clung to his boot as he lowered his foot, reaching through the hole he created to turn the knob from the other side. The rust-caked hinges screamed as they were forced to move for the first time in five years.
Erwin didn't know what he had been expecting of this basement that held somewhere within it The Truth. Something more grand, more mysterious, something… more. This? This was just a cellar. An old one, choked with dust and cobwebs and rat droppings and mold, but no different from something that could have been found under any house.
The shelves were filled with books and bottles, the table in the center littered with pens and pieces of paper and medical instruments. Erwin picked up a brown bottle, lifting it to his ear and giving it a little shake. It was empty. The label was barely legible, the ink bleeding heavily from years of damp. Meadowsweet, if he correctly guesstimated the doctor's script. Thomasin kept a bottle in their own cabinet, not that he knew what it was for. The dark glass was to protect the contents from light, but even in pitch black, it seemed everything had evaporated.
"These are all widely available medicines; nothing that couldn't be bought at an apothecary." How many of them had she prepared for the good doctor while he made small talk and asked about her days in the Scouts? She'd told him years ago that she suspected Grisha Yaeger was friends with Kieth Shadis, and it never crossed his mind to bring it up to his predecessor. Hange frowned at the book they'd been leafing through, frantically shaking their hand as a silverfish crawled from the pages and onto their fingers.
"Erugh! The same with the books. They're not even- eurgh! They're not even first editions." They quickly shut the book and replaced it on the shelf, still flicking their fingers. "Everything here is… normal. What you'd expect from a doctor's laboratory."
"…of course it looks normal," Erwin muttered, scanning the room. "You don't draw attention to yourself when you have something to hide, and you certainly don't leave it somewhere the Military Police can find it…" He stomped his heel on the nearest floorboard. Solid, but that didn't mean anything. Armin had known that. "Search the floorboards, the walls, the backs of the shelves- everything. Grisha Yaeger was hiding his secrets somewhere they wouldn't be found even if someone went looking for them."
"You heard him, brats." Levi gave a sharp look to his squad mates. "Don't start slacking off now."
"Yes, sir!" They began their search anew, no longer looking for the secrets themselves, but the secret of those secrets. Every crack, every splinter, every nook and cranny was examined, but they found nothing until-
"Eren!" Mikasa was kneeling beside the desk, running her hand over the wood. "There's a keyhole here!" Eren practically tripped over his own feet in his haste, the key already in his hand. It was barely noticeable, a tiny black hole against the dark wood, offset beside the handle. They all held their breath as Eren slid the key into it… and turned.
Click.
The drawer was stuck, swollen from years of humidity, but this time, Mikasa was the one with no patience. She yanked it so hard, one of the nails holding in the handle was wrenched out. Erwin swallowed hard, on the verge of salivating as they peered inside.
"What the hell!? It's empty?!" Eren was beside himself, but Erwin had hidden too many secrets himself to be deterred now. Reaching over the boy's shoulder, he tapped the top of the desk before moving to the unfinished wood of the bottom of the drawer, sighing in relief as he recognized the pitch as being too low, and ran his fingers along the side. His short nails found purchase, allowing him to lift the false bottom.
"How did you know that was there?" Levi asked.
"Call it a hunch…" Most of his drawers had false bottoms, but none of them held anything that mattered half as much as what he was gazing upon. Three books, bound in leather with unmarked spines, nestled between rolled up cloth. Hange grabbed one of the rolls, lifting it to their nose and inhaling in three sharp sniffs.
"Peppermint and charcoal. I use a similar mixture for my own research, to protect against bugs and moisture."
"So this is it… this is what we've been looking for." To think…. All those bodies… all the blood and sweat and tears, the nightmares and funeral pyres… all for a few books. Erwin's hand went into his breast pocket, the embroidery of Mike's patch rough under his fingers.
Eren gingerly removed the books, oh so careful with them despite them being in better condition than anything else in the room. He ran his fingers over one of the covers, breathing deeply. Mikasa laid her hand over his, and with a tiny nod, they opened the cover. An illustration of three people greeted them, a family portrait perhaps, but unlike anything Erwin had ever seen. It was small, but so lifelike it was as though the people depicted were actually looking back at him. It wasn't drawn directly on the page, but rather, held in place by slits in the paper. Eren carefully removed it, holding it up.
"That… that's my dad. I know that's my dad, but… who are these other people? Wh-what is this, a painting?"
"No," Erwin whispered, trying to keep his voice from betraying his pounding heart. "There are no brushstrokes. It's completely smooth."
"There's something written on the back." Eren flipped it over, and they all crowded closer to see.
"That's my dad's handwriting… 'This is not an illustration. It is an imprint of reflected light… left on a special kind of paper… It is called a… a f- fo… to… graph-' What? What is this?"
"Keep reading!" It was all he could do not to snatch the picture from Eren's hand and read it himself, but he had to remain calm. Keep his composure… The boy swallowed hard.
" 'I came here from beyond the Walls… where humanity enjoys a refined existence… Humanity… has not perished.'…" Erwin could feel his knees giving out, could barely manage to lean against the nearest wall before he sank to the floor, his whole body weak and jittery as he struggled to breathe. Hange was at his side immediately, kneeling beside him.
"Erwin! Are you alright? What is it? What's wrong?" He winced as they shone their light in his face, their voice small and weak in confusion, in fear. "Erwin…?" He almost didn't notice it, the tears rolling down his cheeks, dripping onto his collar. That made no sense. How could he even think he was crying when he was smiling so widely?
"I knew it…" he breathed, his voice caught between a sob and a laugh. "I always knew it… I was right… He was right." He let his head fall back against the wall, his whole body shaking as he laughed, laughed- of course he was laughing, he was happy; how he could he be anything but happy? "He was right the whole time and they killed him for it…" The Crown killed his father for a theory… and Erwin killed every single friend and soldier he'd had for proof. What a joyous occasion.
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" 'There's still meaning in moving towards tomorrow, even when it means shouldering the weight of our past sins', the devil murmurs in a low voice as we continue forth on the path of corpses…"
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