I've gotta admit, I think the main reason my fanfictions are getting hella goofy & ridiculous at this point is because there's only so many times I can try and angle my ideology at people in my fanfictions, and have it thrown back in my face/have no one really understand/have people completely miss the fucking point/have the attempt actively mocked and ridiculed. Before long, you feel like you'd just be repeating yourself, so you end up bending over backwards to try and angle it in any new way where, "oh maybe if I do this people will get what I'm trying to say". And that ends up with ridiculous and very unsubtle plots about character hybrids, Ann going on a Phantom Thief Murder rampage, and Ann literally conquering the Persona fandom and getting revenge on gross Ann fans. All of which I admit is ridiculous, and a little "deranged" even, on my part, but like I said, that's what happens when you get literally every story idea you try and express thrown in your face

(Not just thrown in your face either, but actively mocked on various websites; in that sense, I guess there's also a hint of an element in here of me almost taking a "okay, if you're gonna consider THAT to be "insane", then I might as well not hold back". Not that I've really seen this that much in recent months, which I'm grateful for, honestly. I guess people have gotten the message that they're kinda being fucking braindead by posting screenshots of my fanfictions to try and "mock them". I mean, from ANY angle, no matter how you view the situation, there's literally nothing good that comes from that, for either me, or anyone in your community, either)

This doesn't just apply to my Persona fanfictions, incidentally. I write original story content about cacophobia too, and this has been true for that as well; you show anything that remotely involves cacophobic theming to people, they mock you, and you somehow convince yourself you can get them to understand better if you angle it a different way next time; but because most people are seriously THAT thick-headed and/or in denial of what you're pointing out, it just doesn't work. Rinse and repeat this process, until you're writing fucking nonsense stories that are basically just you slapping the reader in the face and being like "fucking. Stop. Abusing. Good-looking. Women. You. Fucking. Ugly. Shits. You. Ugly. People. All. Need. To. Fucking. Suffer and die." (At least I'm self-aware enough to notice this, I guess. But it doesn't really change much).

Then at the same time, people have the fucking audacity to act like the problem is just the fact that you're being "deranged", and that if you were just a nice person and tried expressing your true self in a honest way, people would understand you. Like, do you fucking think I've not been around enough, and experienced enough, to make me understand that that's absolute fucking horseshit? Like, try fucking telling this to all the damn women out there who are expected to just put on a pretty smile and be "nice and happy", and who get shot the fuck down by all of you as some "whore" the second they dare to say anything that doesn't fit EXACTLY with your fucking hivemind-think; like, you're conventionally fucking nice to good-looking women (and actively fucking droll over them) only when they're "being nice", by your definition. The moment they fucking stop, suddenly they're an "ugly-looking barbie doll bitch"; because that somehow make total fucking sense.

Ironically, that's sort of one of the things I had Ann directly point out in Ugly People Must Suffer during her Phantom Thief killing-spree; no one would have allowed her room for any other options in how to express her cacophobic frustrations, and it's a outright lie to suggest they would have. Like, I'd love to write something where Ann is able to let out her feelings to her friends, have them understand, and support her through it; but the thing is, is it'd just feel like a cheap, stupid, nonsense fantasy. That sort of thing just doesn't happen in real life, and it wouldn't be depicted as happening in a piece of fiction like Persona 5 either. Because no one wants to support genuine victims, when it's not convenient to their incredibly hollow interpretation of this patriarchal, ugly, beauty-abusing world.

That being said, I realise I should stop writing for the sake of convincing other people, in the first place. It's not like my stories get anywhere near enough views for that to truly matter. I want to just write for myself, to get my feelings out, in the context of Persona. Because, as much as I rag on it a lot, and as much as I find Ann's character writing a flawed, problematic step into casual sexism & abuse on good-looking women, I the franchise really does mean the world to me. As does Ann herself, as a "person".

So I'm going to continue writing, no matter what anyone else thinks, and no matter how little people care/like the content. As long as I'm happy with the messages I'm trying to put out, it'll be worth it. And if I manage to put through some convincing messages to others about the importance of cacophobia, or about Ann's character, or anything else, even if it's just a few people, that's just a bonus.