Once inside the bathroom she sank onto the toilet seat, exhausted. Severus helped her sit down and carefully put a towel under her feet before kneeling beside her.
Hermione's eyes opened slightly and she looked at him.
"Severus...", she mumbled with a raspy voice. "I don't want to die."
Severus turned serious instantly. His eyes widened with worry and sympathy. He grabbed her hand in both of his and said: "Don't say such nonsense, Hermione. You're not dying, you're merely having an adverse reaction to sleeping potions. Do not worry, we will fix everything."
She looked away, biting her lip anxiously.
"Can you tell me what you experienced?" he asked.
"Nothing much," she replied. "Just the usual aches and pains. I'm afraid to go to sleep, but then I'm afraid to wake up to even more pain and cramps. I've never been afraid, Severus! I'm the Head Auror, the Mad Fury! I've never been weak, not ever in my life!" Her voice rose hysterically as she continued her rant. Severus didn't try to stop her and let her keep talking until she ran out of steam. He simply waited until her breathing slowed down a bit and her shoulders relaxed. Then, hesitantly, he spoke: "I know." He didn't look up at her when he uttered these two simple words.
Hermione's eyes widened as he finally raised his gaze and looked into her desperate ambers. After a few seconds, she nodded and said quietly: "Thank you." She closed her eyes as her body suddenly shook uncontrollably, forcing the tears to escape her closed lids. She knew that he understood. He was the only one who truly understood her. Now, seeing her starting to shake again, he jumped to his feet and rushed to the bathtub to fix the healing bath for her, as she clutched the toilet seat in her trembling hands.
It felt as if a million needles pierced her skin as soon as the warm water enveloped her body. For some reason, she had a feeling it wasn't really hot, but rather a little colder than she normally liked. As much as she wanted to relax and drown, it didn't happen. Her muscles remained tensed and she continued panting, trying desperately to ignore the pain and tremors, as she kept telling herself she wasn't dying. And yet every inch of her body was reminding her otherwise.
She couldn't stop crying as the pain began slowly fading away. At that moment Snape started heating water, with careful movements of his wand over the foamy surface, covering Hermione's nakedness and her ugly scars. The smell of lavender filled the room as she rested her head on the bathtub's edge, breathing heavily through her still-clenched teeth. Someone else would be screaming their lungs out already, but not her. Not Mad Fury.
When the bath was sufficiently warmed, Severus covered her body in a thick layer of bubbles and brought her a glass of water, which she drank gratefully, gulping it down in big mouthfuls.
Then Severus helped her out of the tub, dried her body thoroughly, and Accioed a grey nightgown to dress her into. If she noticed that it was his very own attire, she did not comment. She was too tired for this. Severus looked at her thoughtfully for some seconds then nodded to his thoughts. With a single determination shining in his eyes, he summoned a robe, draped it over her shoulders, and escorted her toward the main bedroom without saying another word.
Hermione collapsed onto the couch while Snape lit more logs in the already dying hearth, making sure the flames engulfed the entire room. When he turned to look at her, she found herself staring into nothingness. There was no pain, no terrors in those moments of silence, only numbness around her. She closed her eyes and listened attentively to Severus' steady breathing, as he sat down in front of her.
"I'm going to change the sheets and the pillow for you, so you can sleep in my bed. I'll watch over you if the convulsing returns, so I assumed you wouldn't want to be left alone in the guest bedroom."
Hermione's lips twitched and she gave him a sideways glance.
"So much for big bad Fury and the Death Eater, what happened to us, Severus?"
"Hush here, Granger, you cannot always be the invincible one. I would give you a restorative potion but I am afraid to cause an even harsher reaction from you. We need to find out what exactly has caused those tremors..."
She snorted as she pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them.
"Rounds and rounds of Cruciatus have happened to me, so, there is no big mystery here."
Snape studied her hunched shoulders for moments and then scratched his stubble cheek.
"I know the Unforgivable when I see the one, there is something else, Granger, something more complicated."
His tone was soft and soothing, and Hermione frowned.
"What do you mean? What do you think you are detecting?"
Snape sighed deeply as he rubbed his forehead. "There's dark energy surrounding the area where the curse came from. I feel it everywhere around you."
"Are you sure about that, Severus?" Hermione questioned in a cautious tone.
He shook his head and looked into her eyes: "No, but I do suspect that it's something similar to what caused your reaction earlier tonight. I'm also aware that Crutiatus could not make you overly sensitive, it is meant to cause suffering, not to bring pleasure, no matter how dark that pleasure actually is."
Silence fell upon the room. Snape watched her closely, waiting for the right words to come out of her mouth, watching as she blinked, her expression turning solemn. When her lips parted, her voice quivered slightly as she spoke:
"Ardenti Desiderio."
Her voice sounded small. Ashamed.
"For how long?" Snape enquired in an almost cynical tone, but Hermione knew that they could have never fooled each other, being both Legillimens as they were. So she chose to stay silent for a few minutes and contemplated all the possibilities, letting her fingers run absentmindedly across the scar on her arm. She flinched as she felt Severus stiffen behind her.
"I was under this spell in the years of the Second War," Snape began his tale, his voice low and hollow. "Long gone was the charisma of Tom Riddle with his promises of vast knowledge and a better tomorrow. All that he could boast about were his plans of revenge, hatred, and vengeance. This is when a lot of us started thinking about what he had done. How many people had died at his hands, and for what? For power, for glory? Wasn't it enough for us? He did not like when we failed our so-called missions, so we'd better watch out when our infamous leader grew upset with our actions. One glorious evening it was Bellatrix and me who found themselves on the receiving end of his punishing wand. He cast every curse in his book and then laughed mockingly as he awarded us with Ardenti Desiderio."
Hermione winced. She remembered her own night vividly and did not wish the same pain on anyone.
"We tried everything we could to avoid it, we fought and struggled, but eventually we just thrashed in our binds and gaped for air. I never liked the insane bitch Bellatrix, but that night, seeing her tied right in front of me, I couldn't keep my shields up anymore as pain and desire drew me mad. She loved him, the Dark Lord, and she hated me with her very guts, but that night her shields were not helping her either as she arched her back in a vain attempt to reach me... she was begging and pleading... crying, yelling, calling for mercy..."
His face was twisted in disgust and sadness as he recounted the memories with such clarity. Hermione didn't say a word, nor move to comfort him. She merely stayed still while listening to his story. She could hear his thoughts, so she understood. Snape went on, tightening his fists.
"When the only thing I could see was the flashes of red and black dots before my eyes, he suddenly freed both of us... I don't remember much, I just remember that we pounced on each other like starving animals, and our bodies intertwined together and tore at each other's clothes...Biting, scratching, clawing, and never being able to quieten our desperation."
Hermione closed her eyes as she listened, trying to block out the gruesome memories flashing through her mind.
"How many hours?" she asked softly.
"Eight," Severus replied as he wiped old pain from his face. "How long for you?"
"Twelve," she murmured and turned her body around in order to stare into his eyes.
"Who was it for you?"
"Dolokhov cast the spell and Kira took it away..." she shrugged and stared at the ground. She was still not comfortable talking about those times. It was easier for her to pretend it never happened.
Snape let her sink in silence once again while he busied himself with putting more logs into the fireplace with a flick of his wand. As he finished, she reached for his hand.
"Thank you," she whispered softly.
Severus stared at their joined hands before slowly intertwining their fingers, squeezing hers gently. She shook her head.
"I killed them all, Severus, and I laughed madly after that, so proud of myself! Fiendfyre was raging all around me, I stood amidst the ruins and just smiled. It was glorious. They deserved it. It felt so good!" She raised her free hand to her chest and squeezed her heart. She was panting. "Who am I? I have never been a murderer or a torturer, I should have been horrified but I was not. They branded me with the Dark Mark, See?" she pressed her thumb against the snake on her left arm. "They took a part of my magic with theirs, and I accepted it. Because it was the only way for me to escape, to survive. And the moment that fire burned on me, I knew that I had made the right decision... I was finally free. And now…What am I? Who am I?" Hermione trailed off as Severus put his left arm next to hers, where his own shameful brand was showing against the pale skin. His dark eyes met hers steadily.
"You are Hermione Granger. And you here, in a warm bedroom, sitting near the fireplace. We shouldn't even be here after everything we've come through, and yet we are. Breathe, feel the floor under your feet, and the nightshirt against your body, close your eyes, and let yourself breathe. You are here, I am here, and we are here. That is all that matters. Focus on that feeling. Let it surround you and calm your nerves."
She nodded and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes.
"Thank you."
"There's no need for thanks, Granger. Just know that I am here to help you."
Hermione reached hesitant arms to him and he carefully took her into his embrace. She leaned into his warmth and felt her tension melting away. After a long time spent silently sharing each other's company, he released her reluctantly.
"You should get back to sleep, Hermione," he murmured and stroked her hair. She didn't hear him, she just kept mumbling over and over again:
"You are safe, you are safe, Severus, safe."
The man watched her fall asleep, the fire flickering weakly before casting its light onto her features and her curls still uneven and even more tangled. She was not ready for a visit to the hairdressers, not for any kind of social visit at all. That much he understood. They took everything from her, even her mane of hair, but they did not manage to take her willpower. The Mad Fury was still there, somewhere, inside her.
"My hellcat." He sighed and brushed the stray lock out of her face, tenderly tracing her cheek with his forefinger. "It's over, we'll make it through, I promise…"