Hermione awoke abruptly, blinking confusedly. Her eyes darted around the room wildly, her heart beating loudly against her ribcage. Where...?
She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall next to her bedside table. 3:45 AM.
Hermione breathed a sigh of relief and buried herself further into the blankets. The next instant Severus appeared in front of her, lighting a mild Lumos at the tip of his wand.
"Hermione? Are you all right?" he murmured worriedly, his eyes searching her face for answers, though he already knew the answer.
"Yes," she said simply and shifted to look up at him, "Sorry for waking you up. Again."
He frowned as he looked into her eyes.
"A nightmare?"
Hermione scratched the tip of her nose as if avoiding a direct answer, and sighed.
"I don't know. Sometimes I see images, sometimes there are just sounds or smells, and sometimes there is just darkness. The void. I can't tell which is worse. Sometimes I'm drowning, sometimes I'm standing at the shore, just watching, but I can't step foot out into the water because someone will find me, I'm sure of that."
Severus sat down on the edge of the bed and stared ahead, thinking aloud.
"I remember teaching you Occlumency, how to erect mental shields and how to hide your emotions. You have never been afraid of darkness. You're too stubborn for that. So why do you think that this nightmare is affecting you so strongly? Perhaps you're afraid of losing control of your emotions?"
Hermione pursed her lips as she considered the man's words. She knew it wasn't that simple. Even though she had managed to suppress her emotions most of the year. She lifted her pale hand and looked at it as if seeing it for the first time in her life.
"Sometimes it scares me just how well you can read myself, and it's not about Occlumency only. There is something else too."
Severus looked at her questioningly but remained silent.
"If I may...If you let me..." she chuckled and grew serious, "This would be the first non-dark-arts-spell in six months," she admitted softly.
Severus understood her unvoiced wish, the willingness to try, to feel and receive solace. For some reason, even now when everything around them was crumbling down and she was lost within herself, she was willing to reach out, to reach out and take a chance. He knew better than anyone how much that meant to her. He also knew her past - her dark secrets, her scars, her fears, and her loneliness; so he just nodded and turned to face her fully. They both were skillfully enough Masters do not require physical contact for what she was going to perform, but she brushed her fingers against his knuckles anyway.
"Legillimens!" she said with a deep breath, holding herself up straight.
And then, as usual, Severus saw nothing, not a single image, sound, or smell; it was all empty, dark, and cold. Hermione felt her heart racing and the urge to scream rising within her. She was surrounded by nothing but emptiness. A void so large she couldn't even see anything beyond it. She opened her mouth, prepared to call out for him...and then, the darkness moved and formed a figure. It was the same person, but this time he was wearing different clothing.
Her vision blurred and she started trembling.
"Is...is this really...you? How did you manage to overcome this void, Severus?" She asked him desperately, unable to move an inch.
"That's because you are letting me to. I'm not breaching your shields, nor am I trying to read your emotions, I am simply going where you are letting me. What is this particular kind of darkness to you, Hermione? How is it different from the dark abyss?"
For a few seconds, she hesitated, unable to understand what he meant. Then realization dawned upon her, and tears rolled down her cheeks once again. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. Severus pulled her into his embrace and held her tightly until the sobs subsided.
"It is you, Severus, the darkness is you. It is warm and comforting, like the summer sky at night. It understands without judging. When no one else could. When the fear is gone and you have given everything and lost everything. And when you are tired of hurting, you let yourself sink into the comfort, knowing that it will protect you." Tears continued rolling down her pale face and he wiped them gently.
"When it is over, when there is no darkness, no pain and sadness anymore, how do I find solace? How do I regain control?" She shook slightly while asking him that. "How do I stop being terrified?"
But Severus merely smiled sadly.
"Do you remember when ol' good Moody insisted that every Auror should know how to fly the broom properly? And how excited Potter and Weasley were at the perspective of learning more tricks? And how angry you seemed when you came to me to complain? What did I tell you back then?"
He waited for her to meet his gaze again, and she swallowed audibly before nodding slowly.
"Remember what I told you? I said that if we wanted the dark side to be gone forever, we must start to let go of it, and learn to live life, rather than fight and win against it. We must embrace the darkness inside of us as we are embracing the wind."
Hermione followed the memory that Severus nudged her to watch. She saw the boys dashing eagerly across the sky, making somersaults and yelling happily, She saw Severus in a blur of greyness hovering before her, and she saw herself watching the broom as if it might bite her at any given second. He looked at her mockingly.
"Some witch are you, Granger? You robbed the bank and you rode a dragon, and now you are just standing there afraid of the piece of wood?" He scoffed and threw another insult at her. "You are pathetic."
"Don't talk rubbish," Hermione replied defensively. "I am not scared of a broomstick."
Severus grinned mockingly and waved his wand in a slow circle. Suddenly, the broom burst to life beneath her feet. Hermione yelped as she found herself clutching the wood and rising in the air.
"Put me down! Snape!"
He flew right beside her, guiding her movements with a steady hand.
"Easy, Granger! You are the witch, then act like one! Don't let your fear of falling take control over you! You are more than your phobia!"
"What if I fall?!" She yelled over the wind and the sound of flying.
"You won't. Your magic won't allow you to!" He called back at her reassuringly.
She closed her eyes, gripped the broom, and let herself soar in the air.
She heard the laughter of her friends behind her and smiled to herself.
"Come on, Hermione, show us how it's done!" Harry exclaimed with a mischievous smirk.
The broom shot forward faster and faster and Hermione found herself laughing too. She was more than her fears.
Her senses snapped back to reality as she ended the Legillimency spell and found herself back in Severus' house and his bedroom. She looked around the room in amazement.
The fireplace was ablaze with flames, casting flickering shadows all around the room and illuminating Severus' familiar features. He was sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring intently at her.
"Better, Hermione?" he asked quietly with a smile.
She smiled shyly and nodded, still looking around the room, drinking it all in like a thirsty man who had only found a small stream in the desert.
"Thank you, Severus," she whispered back earnestly.
"No need for thanks, as I have already told you. It is the least I could do."
Hermione shook her head stubbornly.
"I am using you. I have imposed my persona on you and I am cheekily taking advantage of your good disposition."
His eyebrow quirked slightly upwards in amusement. "My goodness, Granger, have you hit your head somewhere there in the process? Have I become such a bad influence in such a short time? Is that what happened?" he laughed at her mockingly, though she could decipher the seriousness which he had laced his tone with. "First of all, I am my own person, and after all those years you would not be able to use me even if you wished to do just that. And you are taking your so-called advantage because I am letting you. And secondly, you have chosen to come here, to me, in the first place, there might have been some particular reason for that, no?" He sighed. "So let's drop this whole idea of using me for your sake and keep it to ourselves, hm?"
Hermione bit her lower lip and stared at him.
"I could not stay at my house anymore. I could not face the life I have lost anymore. All those things that I used to like, my past achievements, my unfulfilled desires... Do you remember how much I loved my fat before? How happy was I when you all helped me move in? There is only hollowness and echoes there now. My old life has ceased to exist because I am not living it. No matter how hard I tried, I cannot go back to where I belonged. That is why I have come here."
She paused momentarily and then looked up at him with a determined gaze. "You have always been my voice of reason. The darkness I can bear. They would never understand, Severus, no matter how hard I might try to explain everything to them. They have not been where we were. They have never experienced the things that we have."
Severus gazed upon her, concern and regret etched in his features. She watched them carefully, waiting for his reaction. If she was wrong, well, it didn't really matter either way. She had made her choice.
"That's why we are both here tonight, Hermione," he responded after several silent minutes. His expression softened considerably.
Hermione stretched her arms and showed him her scarred and branded forearms.
"The Mudblood and the Dark Mark... This is the new us. This is what we have turned into." Her eyes glinted with a strange gleam of light.
"No, Hermione, they are just scars, and they mean that we survived where the rest could not. They might be a part of us, but we are much more than that, remember this." He reached out and took one of her hands between his own, stroking his thumb along her palm in soft circles.
Hermione sighed deeply. She felt drained and exhausted. A large part of her knew, deep within her heart, that Severus truly wanted to help her and she believed his words. She did not want to question why she felt drawn to him, when she felt calmer in his presence, why she let him touch herself when no one else could approach her within miles. She needed his darkness because he understood hers. She rested her weary head on his shoulder and whispered:
" .More."