I was originally going to do this as a separate one-shot, then remembered that this story exists so here we are!

On with the show!

...THEN

"Sammy and Lori sitting in a tree-"

"Dude, would you stop?"

"What? She was cute!"

Sam rolled his eyes in the passenger seat. They were currently heading out of Iowa, having solved the mystery of the hookman haunting.

Dean continued to tease. "It's not too late to turn back, you know?"

"Dean, she's the daughter of a priest!"

"Who wasn't afraid of a little smooch action!"

"Dean."

"If you're worried about the religion thing, I doubt she's going to be for much longer."

"Dean!"

"How much you wanna bet you were her first kiss?"

Bitch face. Dean screamed with laughter.

Sam's face started to turn pink. "Can we just... stop talking about it?"

Content with all his jokes, Dean stopped. "Put a tape in."

Sam sighed and rummaged through the box on the floor, grabbing a random cassette and popping it into the tape deck. Soon, the sounds of Journey began to fill the car.

"Oh shit I forgot I had this one," Dean said, mostly to himself.

"Easy to do when you cycle through the same three tapes all the time," Sam remarked.

Dean ignored him and started dancing in the driver's seat. Sam rolled his eyes again and turned to watch out the window. He tuned out Dean's obnoxious performance and watched as they drove past the town and onto the highway. For a moment, Sam was starting to feel really good, like he was getting back to himself. The sudden adjustment that came from going back on the road with Dean started to feel normal again. After all, it was Sam's choice. Did it come up in arguments? Yes, but Sam wasn't regretting it so much anymore.

The intro riff to "Don't Stop Believing" came over the speakers, snapping Sam back into reality. Dean turned the volume up as he continued to scream along.

"JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL-"

Sam immediately reached over and turned the radio off.

Offended, Dean looked over and glared at his brother. "Dude, what the fuck? I was feeling it!"

"I don't like that song," Sam said, attempting to casually shrug his shoulders.

Bullshit. First of all, it's a good song. Second, Dean knew it was one of Sam's favorites. He used to sing along to it all the time as a kid. Why do you think Dean has the tape in the first place?

Still offended and still glaring at his brother, Dean asked, "Since when?"

Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Dean noticed.

"They played this song at every single college event," Sam explained, hoping it was enough to convince Dean, "I just got sick of it."

Dean wasn't convinced though. Like Sam went to every single college event.

Sam avoided Dean's eye contact like the plague. He kicked himself for shutting off the radio. The silence was even more unnerving than the fucking song. And now Dean is worried...

It suddenly clicked for Dean. Lately, there was only one thing that got Sam to close off like this. Okay, two things, but their dad hated Journey so it obviously wasn't him.

Carefully, Dean asked, "It was Jess' favorite song too, wasn't it?"

Sam bit down on his lip to keep from getting emotional. Dean took his silence as a yes.

"Fuck, Sam!" Dean said, feeling like the shittiest person ever. "I didn't know man, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Sam said quietly.

Dean watched as Sam started to turn pale. SHIT. He immediately checked his mirrors and pulled over on the side of the road, putting the car in park and switching it off. Whatever was about to happen should not happen while the car is in motion.

It took a second for Sam's brain to register that the car had stopped. Once he had, he was immediately relieved. He opened the car door and stepped out.

Dean reached over to the glove box and grabbed random napkins from various fast food joints. Better safe than sorry. He also stepped out of the car and walked around to the other side, where Sam was now currently hunched over with his hands on his knees.

"You gonna be sick?" Dean asked. As soon as he did, Sam dry-heaved. Dean opened the door to the backseat and reached for the cooler. Luckily, there was a half-full bottle of water with a little "S" written on the cap. Dean smirked, actually grateful for Sam's stupid labeling of things that are his. "Here," he said, handing the bottle to Sam.

Sam slowly gathered himself and stood back up. Dean noticed Sam fighting back tears. He handed Sam the water and napkins, both of which Sam accepted without a fight.

In a small attempt to give Sam privacy, Dean turned his attention to the road. He watched a couple of cars and semi-trucks go by while Sam sipped on the water and quietly cried into the napkins. Dean reached over and put his hand on Sam's shoulder, another small attempt, but it worked to comfort Sam with the reminder that his brother was there.

Sam took one last breath and shuddered. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

Dean turned his gaze away from the street back towards him. "For what? Grieving the only serious relationship you ever had?"

Sam knew Dean had meant for it to come across as a "don't be stupid for feelings you can't control" connotation, but it did the exact opposite. Sam did feel stupid. And he did feel guilty. Not just for Jess, but for holding Dean back. They can't keep stopping every single time Sam cries or doesn't sleep or feels sick. Even if Dean truly didn't mind letting Sam have his moments. Even if Dean has to remind him every single time that it really was okay. Oh, and then the realization that came with him kissing Lori and feeling happy about it? I really am the worst...

"We should keep going," Sam said suddenly, his attitude doing a 180.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked, but Sam was already back in the car. Once we're out of this fucking state, I can forget this ever happened.

Dean walked back around to the driver's side. Sam had curled up in his seat, eyes closed, head resting against the window. Dean started the car up and continued driving. Every now and then Sam would sniffle or run his hoodie sleeve under his eye. Dean pretended not to notice. They drove in silence until Sam fell asleep and started softly snoring. They were just about to cross the border to Missouri when Dean yanked the Journey tape out of the stereo and tossed it out the window.

someones-big-sister