I don't own Sailor Moon and I don't own Sense and Sensibility.
"So the years went by, I stayed the same. But he began to drift away, I was left alone. Still I waited for the day, when he'd say "I will always love you". Lonely and forgotten, never thought he'd look my way. He smiled at me and held me just like he use to do, like he loved me. When he loved me. When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful. Every hour spent together, lives within my heart, when he loved me." - Sarah McLauchlin ( I changed the "she" to he)
Things Change
Chapter 4
Well, now that I have told you what happened, let me tell you how I feel. I don't feel anything. I can't feel anything. Sometimes it feels as if the pain will never go away.
But, I know that I have gotten through this before. But, never were we as close. I just hate this. I mean - will I ever have to stop going through this. In the last four years it has been time and time again that I have been willing to give my all to someone and they throw it back in my face. and everytime that I go through it I say I won't go through it again. I try to keep myself from looking at the clock, but it just doesn't work that way. I have to, I always have some hope and that is what kills me everytime. I just don't understand the logic behind why I must go through this everytime. I just don't understand. Then the words "he did" from Sense and Sensibility keep going through my mind. When Maryanne was turned upon by Willoughby Ms. Dashwood asked her if Willoughby ever told her that he loved her. And she just said "he did", "he did". There is that piece of me inside that says - How could he say those things and then we went through that one night and now I mean nothing at all. I just don't understand it. I keep thinking "he did", he did. It hurts to think of anything that we did together because it is all over. After football season, probably after this weekend, I will never talk to him again. He will have no reason to talk to me at all. I just don't understand, I don't understand. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think of him and her together. I can't eat sometimes, I can't sleep sometimes. But, I can't let anyone think that I am this pathetic and that I can get by. I am supposed to be this strong person for everyone to tell their problems to, but when I need to talk to someone it is like you don't care, you have heard this all before. I can't even talk to my best friend about all of this because it is all about him. He has no idea how much I am hurting right now and I know that he doesn't think about me at all during the week. But, I cannot be the bad guy.
I refuse to talk bad about her or make myself seem as the bad guy. If there is going to be problems between me and her then she will start it. I guess I always knew that it was going to end. Pessimism is key in my life. I don't care what people say, I am sure that I would have ended it all a few weeks ago if I hadn't been so pessimistic and expected this to happen, then it would have been much, much worse. So here I sit, writing in this journal for the first time ruining the pages with my tears as I write. Tears are irrevelant now as they fall down my face. The tears stain the pages, but I don't dare wipe them away for they will be memories and I want those memories, no matter how painful they are. Someday, when I'm older, I'll go through the entries of my childhood and come to this page with the tear stains and they will remind me of the pain, and I'll probably cry. But I'll know they were tears that HE caused and how it seemed as if my soul had shattered into more peices than imagined, and how I felt as if my heart had a hole the size of my fist inside of it. "Love is like a flower, though beautiful in bloom, it is never eternal." And I'll come back to bitter reality and go through life as I did before. My stomach hurts and I want to do something but I don't know what. I don't know what to do. I pray and pray and pray for God to make me not care and for me to just get away from Darien and I don't know what to do. "Our love is like a red, red rose; beautiful when in bloom, but it can't last forever." I guess that I am just supposed to go through something so bad, and heartbreaking now. Love is like a rose it can't last forever. I must be having to prepare myself for something in the future even more heartbreaking. "It's impossible to mend a broken heart." I will not let myself do this, if I have to kill myself and die. I will not , I will not, I will not, I will not. I don't understand, I don't understand. "he did", "he did".
********************************************************************
A couple of months have passed and my heart still yearns for Darien. I dont understand why I was aloud to get so close to someone and then have them ripped away from me. But, what is worse is this fact.
Everytime I get it into my head that I will not call him and that I hate him, he calls.
Then Just after I had found out about him going out with her I was helping my mom with our Christmas tree the phone rang. It was him and I was holding some ornaments of which I dropped on the floor because I was so startled that he called. We talked for three hours. By then it was hard to talk to him, but I managed. This just started a long line of times where I told myself that I hated him and I was not going to talk to him. But, as soon as I told myself that he would call the next day.
*********************************************************************
A year has already gone by. Another year. A year of my life. He still calls, but the pain has dulled down a little. They broke up for a little while and he was constantly calling again. We did things together and talked a lot.
But, then she begged him to come back to her, and he did. He told me that he was going to tell her that I was part of the deal and she shouldn't hate me. But, I knew that wouldn't last long. She hates me. Not that I care. I hate her too. I have spent a year now putting up with her and him and their wonderful relationship.
*******************************************************************
Such a simple act. The band hadn't done well, so Serena had stood at the door of the bus and given each girl a rose. When Darian got off he had asked where hi rose was. "If I have any extra then I will give you some." Well, she went inside later to give him the rose. As she was walking in, Beryl pushed past her and raced up to Darian. So, Serena stood and watied not wanting to give it to him in front of Beryl. So, when Beryl and Darian were leaving, Serena handed the rose to Darian.
"Here, you wanted this."
"Is this for me?"
"Yes." At that momemtn she couldn't hide everything she felt for him. The last year had not dampered her love for him. In this simple act of handing him the rose, she was handing him her heart. her eyes shown as he reached towards her and he, in one motion,
pushed the rose away.
"I don't want it." He didn't mean it mean, she thought later, but the last year finally
fame to a crushing blow. He kept walking as she just started at him. He took Beryl's hand
and Serena knew then and there that it was finally over. Nothing else kept her home. She had
been thinking about leaving and she had in a sense offered him a way to give her a reason out
of all the reasons she had to leave, to stay. But, he had given her the answer to her dilemma.
There was no longer any reason to stay.
"So the years went by, I stayed the same. But he began to drift away, I was left alone. Still I waited for the day, when he'd say "I will always love you". Lonely and forgotten, never thought he'd look my way. He smiled at me and held me just like he use to do, like he loved me. When he loved me. When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful. Every hour spent together, lives within my heart, when he loved me." - Sarah McLauchlin ( I changed the "she" to he)
Things Change
Chapter 4
Well, now that I have told you what happened, let me tell you how I feel. I don't feel anything. I can't feel anything. Sometimes it feels as if the pain will never go away.
But, I know that I have gotten through this before. But, never were we as close. I just hate this. I mean - will I ever have to stop going through this. In the last four years it has been time and time again that I have been willing to give my all to someone and they throw it back in my face. and everytime that I go through it I say I won't go through it again. I try to keep myself from looking at the clock, but it just doesn't work that way. I have to, I always have some hope and that is what kills me everytime. I just don't understand the logic behind why I must go through this everytime. I just don't understand. Then the words "he did" from Sense and Sensibility keep going through my mind. When Maryanne was turned upon by Willoughby Ms. Dashwood asked her if Willoughby ever told her that he loved her. And she just said "he did", "he did". There is that piece of me inside that says - How could he say those things and then we went through that one night and now I mean nothing at all. I just don't understand it. I keep thinking "he did", he did. It hurts to think of anything that we did together because it is all over. After football season, probably after this weekend, I will never talk to him again. He will have no reason to talk to me at all. I just don't understand, I don't understand. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think of him and her together. I can't eat sometimes, I can't sleep sometimes. But, I can't let anyone think that I am this pathetic and that I can get by. I am supposed to be this strong person for everyone to tell their problems to, but when I need to talk to someone it is like you don't care, you have heard this all before. I can't even talk to my best friend about all of this because it is all about him. He has no idea how much I am hurting right now and I know that he doesn't think about me at all during the week. But, I cannot be the bad guy.
I refuse to talk bad about her or make myself seem as the bad guy. If there is going to be problems between me and her then she will start it. I guess I always knew that it was going to end. Pessimism is key in my life. I don't care what people say, I am sure that I would have ended it all a few weeks ago if I hadn't been so pessimistic and expected this to happen, then it would have been much, much worse. So here I sit, writing in this journal for the first time ruining the pages with my tears as I write. Tears are irrevelant now as they fall down my face. The tears stain the pages, but I don't dare wipe them away for they will be memories and I want those memories, no matter how painful they are. Someday, when I'm older, I'll go through the entries of my childhood and come to this page with the tear stains and they will remind me of the pain, and I'll probably cry. But I'll know they were tears that HE caused and how it seemed as if my soul had shattered into more peices than imagined, and how I felt as if my heart had a hole the size of my fist inside of it. "Love is like a flower, though beautiful in bloom, it is never eternal." And I'll come back to bitter reality and go through life as I did before. My stomach hurts and I want to do something but I don't know what. I don't know what to do. I pray and pray and pray for God to make me not care and for me to just get away from Darien and I don't know what to do. "Our love is like a red, red rose; beautiful when in bloom, but it can't last forever." I guess that I am just supposed to go through something so bad, and heartbreaking now. Love is like a rose it can't last forever. I must be having to prepare myself for something in the future even more heartbreaking. "It's impossible to mend a broken heart." I will not let myself do this, if I have to kill myself and die. I will not , I will not, I will not, I will not. I don't understand, I don't understand. "he did", "he did".
********************************************************************
A couple of months have passed and my heart still yearns for Darien. I dont understand why I was aloud to get so close to someone and then have them ripped away from me. But, what is worse is this fact.
Everytime I get it into my head that I will not call him and that I hate him, he calls.
Then Just after I had found out about him going out with her I was helping my mom with our Christmas tree the phone rang. It was him and I was holding some ornaments of which I dropped on the floor because I was so startled that he called. We talked for three hours. By then it was hard to talk to him, but I managed. This just started a long line of times where I told myself that I hated him and I was not going to talk to him. But, as soon as I told myself that he would call the next day.
*********************************************************************
A year has already gone by. Another year. A year of my life. He still calls, but the pain has dulled down a little. They broke up for a little while and he was constantly calling again. We did things together and talked a lot.
But, then she begged him to come back to her, and he did. He told me that he was going to tell her that I was part of the deal and she shouldn't hate me. But, I knew that wouldn't last long. She hates me. Not that I care. I hate her too. I have spent a year now putting up with her and him and their wonderful relationship.
*******************************************************************
Such a simple act. The band hadn't done well, so Serena had stood at the door of the bus and given each girl a rose. When Darian got off he had asked where hi rose was. "If I have any extra then I will give you some." Well, she went inside later to give him the rose. As she was walking in, Beryl pushed past her and raced up to Darian. So, Serena stood and watied not wanting to give it to him in front of Beryl. So, when Beryl and Darian were leaving, Serena handed the rose to Darian.
"Here, you wanted this."
"Is this for me?"
"Yes." At that momemtn she couldn't hide everything she felt for him. The last year had not dampered her love for him. In this simple act of handing him the rose, she was handing him her heart. her eyes shown as he reached towards her and he, in one motion,
pushed the rose away.
"I don't want it." He didn't mean it mean, she thought later, but the last year finally
fame to a crushing blow. He kept walking as she just started at him. He took Beryl's hand
and Serena knew then and there that it was finally over. Nothing else kept her home. She had
been thinking about leaving and she had in a sense offered him a way to give her a reason out
of all the reasons she had to leave, to stay. But, he had given her the answer to her dilemma.
There was no longer any reason to stay.