Life Goes On, Or Does It? part 2-Izzy's POV
Midget: This will begin when Izzy is knocking at the door and continue farther along. In this part Izzy will hint at what happened.
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I knock on the door loudly, my heart thumping in time with my beating fists. After a moment I stop knocking. It was obvious Matt wasn't going to let me in, so I would just have to go in without an invitation. So I fish out the key Kari had given me from its hiding place in my pocket and unlock the door.
"Matt," I call, looking around. I wonder where he could be.
The absolute stillness of the place sends chills down my spine. Kari was right when she said something feels wrong here. An aura of death seems to surround the place. Just like it had those last few days....
That was nonsense, though. How could it still be hanging around after all this time? Maybe it was because Matt hadn't let go. I don't know why he clings so stubbornly to the past. A whole year was a long time. It was time Matt moved on.
It's not that I don't understand how he feels, it's just that, oh I don't know. I'm just really worried and ..... I miss the old Matt. The Matt who was one of my best friends, the one who had become more open and outgoing. For a while there Matt had stopped being so moody and had actually spent whatever time he could hanging out and relaxing with his friends. And me.
That doesn't mean that I don't miss T.K., because I do. T.K. wasn't as close a friend as Matt was. He wasn't the one who patiently listened to me and waited for me when we had other things to do and he didn't even understand most of it. Matt was the one I knew I could always turn to if I needed help, advice, or just a friend to stay with me for a while. I just wish I could turn to him now. As intelligent as I am, I'm at a loss as to what I should do.
"Matt, are you here," I ask, not really expecting an answer. I check the kitchen, but he's not there. Worry is making my stomach clench. Silently I pray that nothing has happened to him. "Matt, please answer me."
Kari had warned me when I picked up the key that Matt had withdrawn even more. She'd said that now he doesn't even try to pretend. That isn't like him. There were other things, also. Like the fact that Matt stays in the living room mostly, just gazing at the photographs he scattered all around the room even though he keeps the room dark, he has withdrawn from all of his friends, and he won't leave his house.
Kari had sounded so worried and lost. This wasn't any easier for her. She had lost the man who had been not only her husband, but also her best friend. Still, she had somehow found a way to carry on. Maybe it was because she had her children to think of and her mother-in-law to help her.
Matt just wasn't as close to his mother as Kari had become. He had never really been close to her, not after the divorce anyways. In fact, after Kari and T.K. got married he didn't really see much of her at all.
Here lately Matt hadn't shown much interest in anything, according to Kari. She still came over to check on him and try to coax him into doing something, but he acted like nothing mattered. Although Kari said he'd cried when she showed him a picture of little Mathew. Mathew, named in honor of his uncle, looked just like T.K. had as a baby. If we could just get him interested in his little niece and nephew, then maybe he'd see that he really hadn't lost everything.
As I walk toward the living room something catches my eye. Bending, I pick up a photograph taken last year, shortly before the accident. It had been the night Ken and Yolie's wedding. In the picture T.K. was proudly holding his son up for the camera, a huge grin on his face. He had one arm around a smiling Kari, who was holding Mathew's twin sister Tari. Behind them Matt was grinning his characteristic grin, only a faint shadow still left in his eyes. His father had passed away a few months before then and Matt had really been missing him. Matt had one arm slung around my shoulder in the picture and the other around T.K. I was grinning happily.
I remeber that night so clearly. I was thrilled to get the chance to spend so much time with my good friend. We were ushers, so we got the chance to sit together at the head table. Thinking back, I have to smile. That has always been one of my favorite memories.
Glancing up, I spot someone stretched out on the couch. So, he was still there.
"Matt, there you are," I say, a wealth of relief in my tone. I'm so glad he's all right, although as I grow closer I'm not sure those are the right words.
To put it plainly, he looks awful. Matt's clothes ought to be burned, they look and smell that bad. His hair has never looked this bad in my presence and that's saying something. Back in the digital world, when he woke up in the morning it hadn't always been a pretty sight. The rings under his eyes accented their dullness, making them look even more like the washed color the sky turns after a good rain.
"Matt," I question hesitantly as I move closer. I search his eyes worriedly and reach out one hand. Pain shoots through me as he recoils.
"Leave me alone," he says, his voice coming out as a croak.
Abstractly I wonder if he's even used his voice much anymore. Then I shake my head and concentrate on him. My eyes narrow as I answer, "No, I won't leave you like this. I'm staying right here."
He blinks in surprise and I feel another shaft of pain go through me. For the last year I had been letting him push me away and now he's surprised that I care enough to stay. *I'm so sorry, my friend. I won't leave you this time. You've always been there for me, so now I'm going to be here for you. Even if you don't want me to be.*
"Matt, I know this is hard for you, but you can't just stop living like this," I tell him, hoping to break through. As I do I lay my hand on his shoulder, doing my best to ignore the way he flinches away from me. "Matt, are you listneing?"
When I get no answer, I lightly shake him. It's a bit frustrating talking to someone who doesn't even know you exist, but my anxiety keeps my temper in check. I can hear the bit of desperation in my voice as I try getting through whatever fog he's in. "Matt, you've got to listen to me!"
He looks at me in confusion and I sigh in relief. I've gotten through. Now I have to try to say what I wanted to say before he closes me out again.
"Matt, I know this has been hard for you," I continue. His eyes start to cloud over and he begins to pull away again.
"Matt, you've got to snap out of this," I snap harshly, pulling him into a sitting position. Fear causes me to shake him, but only gently. I don't want to hurt him. "Look at yourself. Look at what you've become. You're nothing like you used to be."
"Yeah, well that obviously wasn't much to begin with," he retorts, his voice breaking.
I know what he means. He hadn't been able to keep his brother from dying, no matter how hard he'd tried. Quietly I reply, "Yes, it was. It is now, or would be if you just tried a little."
Matt only shakes his head, making me bite my lip to keep from screaming. I want to shout to him that it's not fair, what he's putting the rest of us through. What he's putting me through. Not to mention his mom and Kari. For probably the billionth time I wonder just what I can say to get through to him. I don't want to watch him waste away beore my eyes. No one does. We all went through that with T.K.
Suddenly I have an idea. Since leaving him on his own hadn't done any good, I'll make him move in with me. That way I can keep an eye on him and he'll be out of this house. It isn't healthy for him to stay here.
"Matt, let's go pack your bags," I say as I stand up, hauling him to his feet. I wince a little at how light he is. It was easy for me to lift him to his feet, even though he's taller than me. I'm going to have to make sure he eats more.
"What," he asks, looking very disoriented.
I smile reassuringly as I lead him toward his room. "I've decided that you're going to come over to my house for awhile. It's got two seperate rooms and the other one isn't occupied so there's no problem. Besides, I could use another person paying rent," I explain matter-of-factly. The best part of it was that most of it was true. Although I didn't really need someone to help pay rent, I did have two rooms and it would be no problem. Having Matt staying with me would be great. I haven't been very cheerful myself lately. Maybe having one of my best friends around all the time would help.
"No," Matt said firmly. The light of battle that had once burned in his eyes only flickered like a flame on wet wood, but at least it was there. It was the first time he'd shown any real interest in anythign, so I couldn't help but grin.
"Yes, you are," I answer calmly, gently pushing him toward his closet. Turning, I head back to the phone in the hallway. "Get your luggage out as I call Kari and let her know the plan."
Matt just stands there, staring dumbly at me as I dial the number. He scowls at me when I make a shooing gesture with my hands. I guess he doesn't intend to take orders now any better than he used to. That thought gave me hope.
"Take---- residence, Kari here."
"Kari, it's me, Izzy," I reply, tuning my attention to her. She sounds a bit distracted.
"Izzy, how did things go," she asks, her voice a tad anxious. It sounds like she's been worrying about it all this time.
"Well, I've gotten him to tlk a little," I tell her, shrugging although I know she can't see me. "And he's standing in his room right now."
"Really???" The disbelief and wary hope in her tone makes me smile.
"Yes Kari. really," I say calmly. Heaving a sigh I continue, "He's actually supposed to be packing, but he's too stubborn to do what I tell him."
"Packing," she aks, slightly confused.
"I've decided to ave him move into my house, at least for a while," I explain quietly. "I can't stand seeing him like this and I worry so much when he's alone."
There was a pause before she replied, "So do I. He's like a second brother to me and I can't stand watching him go through this anymore than I could stand it if it was Tai instead of him."
"So, are you going to come over and lock the place up for a while," I ask, trying to change the subject a little. All this talk was making feel sad and I needed to concentrate on getting Matt out of here.
"I'll do better than that," Kari replied, some life returning to her tone. Her resilience was pretty amazing. "I'll come over right now and help you move Matt's stuff. I'll even call a few of our friends to help."
"That's a great idea," I tell her, a smile coming across my face. I know they'll be happy to help us. We all want to have the Matt we knew before back.
"We'll be over in a little while," Kari says cheerfully. "See you then. Bye."
"Bye."
I hang up the phone and look at Matt. He frowns suspiciously at me, almost looking like a petulant child. Almost, except for the fact that he's taller than I am. Still, I can't help but find the sight endearing. Some of the old life had returned without his knowing it. Maybe there was a way I could get him to start living again.
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Well, what do you think of this one? I'm going to try to give everyone's point of view at some point during this little series. Does anyone have any idea whose I should do for the moving scene? If you do, put it in a review. Thanks for reading this. I hoped you enjoyed it.
Midget: This will begin when Izzy is knocking at the door and continue farther along. In this part Izzy will hint at what happened.
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I knock on the door loudly, my heart thumping in time with my beating fists. After a moment I stop knocking. It was obvious Matt wasn't going to let me in, so I would just have to go in without an invitation. So I fish out the key Kari had given me from its hiding place in my pocket and unlock the door.
"Matt," I call, looking around. I wonder where he could be.
The absolute stillness of the place sends chills down my spine. Kari was right when she said something feels wrong here. An aura of death seems to surround the place. Just like it had those last few days....
That was nonsense, though. How could it still be hanging around after all this time? Maybe it was because Matt hadn't let go. I don't know why he clings so stubbornly to the past. A whole year was a long time. It was time Matt moved on.
It's not that I don't understand how he feels, it's just that, oh I don't know. I'm just really worried and ..... I miss the old Matt. The Matt who was one of my best friends, the one who had become more open and outgoing. For a while there Matt had stopped being so moody and had actually spent whatever time he could hanging out and relaxing with his friends. And me.
That doesn't mean that I don't miss T.K., because I do. T.K. wasn't as close a friend as Matt was. He wasn't the one who patiently listened to me and waited for me when we had other things to do and he didn't even understand most of it. Matt was the one I knew I could always turn to if I needed help, advice, or just a friend to stay with me for a while. I just wish I could turn to him now. As intelligent as I am, I'm at a loss as to what I should do.
"Matt, are you here," I ask, not really expecting an answer. I check the kitchen, but he's not there. Worry is making my stomach clench. Silently I pray that nothing has happened to him. "Matt, please answer me."
Kari had warned me when I picked up the key that Matt had withdrawn even more. She'd said that now he doesn't even try to pretend. That isn't like him. There were other things, also. Like the fact that Matt stays in the living room mostly, just gazing at the photographs he scattered all around the room even though he keeps the room dark, he has withdrawn from all of his friends, and he won't leave his house.
Kari had sounded so worried and lost. This wasn't any easier for her. She had lost the man who had been not only her husband, but also her best friend. Still, she had somehow found a way to carry on. Maybe it was because she had her children to think of and her mother-in-law to help her.
Matt just wasn't as close to his mother as Kari had become. He had never really been close to her, not after the divorce anyways. In fact, after Kari and T.K. got married he didn't really see much of her at all.
Here lately Matt hadn't shown much interest in anything, according to Kari. She still came over to check on him and try to coax him into doing something, but he acted like nothing mattered. Although Kari said he'd cried when she showed him a picture of little Mathew. Mathew, named in honor of his uncle, looked just like T.K. had as a baby. If we could just get him interested in his little niece and nephew, then maybe he'd see that he really hadn't lost everything.
As I walk toward the living room something catches my eye. Bending, I pick up a photograph taken last year, shortly before the accident. It had been the night Ken and Yolie's wedding. In the picture T.K. was proudly holding his son up for the camera, a huge grin on his face. He had one arm around a smiling Kari, who was holding Mathew's twin sister Tari. Behind them Matt was grinning his characteristic grin, only a faint shadow still left in his eyes. His father had passed away a few months before then and Matt had really been missing him. Matt had one arm slung around my shoulder in the picture and the other around T.K. I was grinning happily.
I remeber that night so clearly. I was thrilled to get the chance to spend so much time with my good friend. We were ushers, so we got the chance to sit together at the head table. Thinking back, I have to smile. That has always been one of my favorite memories.
Glancing up, I spot someone stretched out on the couch. So, he was still there.
"Matt, there you are," I say, a wealth of relief in my tone. I'm so glad he's all right, although as I grow closer I'm not sure those are the right words.
To put it plainly, he looks awful. Matt's clothes ought to be burned, they look and smell that bad. His hair has never looked this bad in my presence and that's saying something. Back in the digital world, when he woke up in the morning it hadn't always been a pretty sight. The rings under his eyes accented their dullness, making them look even more like the washed color the sky turns after a good rain.
"Matt," I question hesitantly as I move closer. I search his eyes worriedly and reach out one hand. Pain shoots through me as he recoils.
"Leave me alone," he says, his voice coming out as a croak.
Abstractly I wonder if he's even used his voice much anymore. Then I shake my head and concentrate on him. My eyes narrow as I answer, "No, I won't leave you like this. I'm staying right here."
He blinks in surprise and I feel another shaft of pain go through me. For the last year I had been letting him push me away and now he's surprised that I care enough to stay. *I'm so sorry, my friend. I won't leave you this time. You've always been there for me, so now I'm going to be here for you. Even if you don't want me to be.*
"Matt, I know this is hard for you, but you can't just stop living like this," I tell him, hoping to break through. As I do I lay my hand on his shoulder, doing my best to ignore the way he flinches away from me. "Matt, are you listneing?"
When I get no answer, I lightly shake him. It's a bit frustrating talking to someone who doesn't even know you exist, but my anxiety keeps my temper in check. I can hear the bit of desperation in my voice as I try getting through whatever fog he's in. "Matt, you've got to listen to me!"
He looks at me in confusion and I sigh in relief. I've gotten through. Now I have to try to say what I wanted to say before he closes me out again.
"Matt, I know this has been hard for you," I continue. His eyes start to cloud over and he begins to pull away again.
"Matt, you've got to snap out of this," I snap harshly, pulling him into a sitting position. Fear causes me to shake him, but only gently. I don't want to hurt him. "Look at yourself. Look at what you've become. You're nothing like you used to be."
"Yeah, well that obviously wasn't much to begin with," he retorts, his voice breaking.
I know what he means. He hadn't been able to keep his brother from dying, no matter how hard he'd tried. Quietly I reply, "Yes, it was. It is now, or would be if you just tried a little."
Matt only shakes his head, making me bite my lip to keep from screaming. I want to shout to him that it's not fair, what he's putting the rest of us through. What he's putting me through. Not to mention his mom and Kari. For probably the billionth time I wonder just what I can say to get through to him. I don't want to watch him waste away beore my eyes. No one does. We all went through that with T.K.
Suddenly I have an idea. Since leaving him on his own hadn't done any good, I'll make him move in with me. That way I can keep an eye on him and he'll be out of this house. It isn't healthy for him to stay here.
"Matt, let's go pack your bags," I say as I stand up, hauling him to his feet. I wince a little at how light he is. It was easy for me to lift him to his feet, even though he's taller than me. I'm going to have to make sure he eats more.
"What," he asks, looking very disoriented.
I smile reassuringly as I lead him toward his room. "I've decided that you're going to come over to my house for awhile. It's got two seperate rooms and the other one isn't occupied so there's no problem. Besides, I could use another person paying rent," I explain matter-of-factly. The best part of it was that most of it was true. Although I didn't really need someone to help pay rent, I did have two rooms and it would be no problem. Having Matt staying with me would be great. I haven't been very cheerful myself lately. Maybe having one of my best friends around all the time would help.
"No," Matt said firmly. The light of battle that had once burned in his eyes only flickered like a flame on wet wood, but at least it was there. It was the first time he'd shown any real interest in anythign, so I couldn't help but grin.
"Yes, you are," I answer calmly, gently pushing him toward his closet. Turning, I head back to the phone in the hallway. "Get your luggage out as I call Kari and let her know the plan."
Matt just stands there, staring dumbly at me as I dial the number. He scowls at me when I make a shooing gesture with my hands. I guess he doesn't intend to take orders now any better than he used to. That thought gave me hope.
"Take---- residence, Kari here."
"Kari, it's me, Izzy," I reply, tuning my attention to her. She sounds a bit distracted.
"Izzy, how did things go," she asks, her voice a tad anxious. It sounds like she's been worrying about it all this time.
"Well, I've gotten him to tlk a little," I tell her, shrugging although I know she can't see me. "And he's standing in his room right now."
"Really???" The disbelief and wary hope in her tone makes me smile.
"Yes Kari. really," I say calmly. Heaving a sigh I continue, "He's actually supposed to be packing, but he's too stubborn to do what I tell him."
"Packing," she aks, slightly confused.
"I've decided to ave him move into my house, at least for a while," I explain quietly. "I can't stand seeing him like this and I worry so much when he's alone."
There was a pause before she replied, "So do I. He's like a second brother to me and I can't stand watching him go through this anymore than I could stand it if it was Tai instead of him."
"So, are you going to come over and lock the place up for a while," I ask, trying to change the subject a little. All this talk was making feel sad and I needed to concentrate on getting Matt out of here.
"I'll do better than that," Kari replied, some life returning to her tone. Her resilience was pretty amazing. "I'll come over right now and help you move Matt's stuff. I'll even call a few of our friends to help."
"That's a great idea," I tell her, a smile coming across my face. I know they'll be happy to help us. We all want to have the Matt we knew before back.
"We'll be over in a little while," Kari says cheerfully. "See you then. Bye."
"Bye."
I hang up the phone and look at Matt. He frowns suspiciously at me, almost looking like a petulant child. Almost, except for the fact that he's taller than I am. Still, I can't help but find the sight endearing. Some of the old life had returned without his knowing it. Maybe there was a way I could get him to start living again.
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Well, what do you think of this one? I'm going to try to give everyone's point of view at some point during this little series. Does anyone have any idea whose I should do for the moving scene? If you do, put it in a review. Thanks for reading this. I hoped you enjoyed it.