"Whatever The Cat Drags In - Part 3" ~ by Allora Atwater
A/N: Another part to my little story! I'm thinking it's gonna be about 4 parts long, so I'll finish it before break is over! Which sucks cause when I go back to school I won't get to write as much! Anyways, as always I *really* appreciate the wonderful reviews I've gotten! You guys' responses are what keep me writing, so thank you for fueling my inspiration! Please R&R if you like it or if there is something I can do to make it better!
Disclaimer: Oh come on. You guys know it's not mine.
I sigh, shifting my weight awkwardly from foot to foot. Seifer should be here by now. If there's one good thing I could ever say about Seifer, he's punctual. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he just didn't want to see me but didn't know how to turn down the offer. Turn me down? He of all people is in no place to turn down anyone's friendship, that's for damn sure. Why am I so nervous? It's just Seifer.
My hair is held back with a few sparkly clips, which are not my taste, but as a gift from Rinoa, I figure it would be gracious of me to wear them at least once. Besides, I like to think they go well with my outfit. I feel self-aware as several random fishermen give me probing stares. I've never had low self-esteem, but I never really considered myself an attractive woman either. I guess being stuck in the same mold for so many years defeated my interest in appearance.
Just as I'm about to leave, Seifer comes running down the path.
"Sorry I'm late." He offers, just barely out of breath. He looks good today, dressed a little more nicely than the faded jeans and muscle shirt he wears for work.
"Do you have the day off?" I ask, completely oblivious to his apology.
"Yep." He replies, raking his fingers through his short hair.
"I didn't know that." I look out to the ocean. "You didn't have to come if it's your day off."
"I know." Is all he answers with. He's so confusing. I never know what's going on in that head of his, never know what his next move is going to be.
"So where do you wanna go?" he wonders, looking slightly impatient.
"Beats me. Where's a good place to go?"
"Depends what you wanna do."
"And what are you implying?"
"Absolutely nothing." He says this with a suave smile, holding his hands up in supplication. "But now that you mention it, I know a really awesome place."
I tilt my head in curiosity, wondering if he's going to pull a typical Seifer move on me and take me someplace seedy. I know it's a mistake trusting him. But despite all the accusations rolling through my head, my heart tells me I won't regret anything.
"This way," he motions, and leads me down a plank. Below us is the gentle ocean, rippling calmly, the sun illuminating every fold in the surface. I stand off to the side, longingly admiring the view. One day, I'm going to live somewhere near the beach, just to wake up to the sound of the waves lapping and the gulls calling out to one another. I close my eyes, the scenery imprinted in my eyelids. And then I feel strong hands giving me a gentle shove. I yelp, losing my balance and falling to the sand below. Not a moment later, Seifer joins me, landing cleanly on his feet.
"What the hell was that for?" I hiss, gathering a fistful of sand and hurling it at him.
"Hey!" he protests, rubbing the grains from his eyes. "Stupid cow…"
I scramble to my feet, brushing the sand off my shorts. I take off my shoes and kick the dirt out of them as well.
"So? What do you think?" Seifer prods impatiently, gesticulating around us with his arms. I almost throw a shoe at his head, just to permanently remove that stupid grin he always wears. I stop short however, looking around. We're beneath the plank, staring out at the inlet. The bank is shady and cool, the sand dry and an assortment of shells scattered along the shore.
"Wow…" I trail off. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but its simple beauty draws me in.
"I know." Seifer smiles, leaning against one of the huge supports. "Ain't it great?"
"Whoever thought an ingrate like you could appreciate a place like this."
"Oh yes Quistis, let's just further insult and humiliate poor Seifer. God knows he can't take the criticism."
I raise my eyebrows. "And he must be losing his sanity, considering he's talking about himself in the third person."
He laughs and plops down in the sand, beckoning me to sit with him. I stand defiantly at first, hands on hips and a skeptical look on my face, but his half-lidded stare persuades me to give in. I sit down a small distance from him, stretching my legs out and propping myself up on my elbows.
"I'm going to live out here one day," I inform him dreamily, surveying our surroundings with a wistful sigh. "By the ocean. It's so beautiful out here, so much different than being cramped up in a stupid classroom all day."
"It sure is nice," he agrees, folding his arms behind his head. A shadow passes over his face, and I see his serious side peeking out again.
"Remember when we were kids, how we used to always play on the beach?"
"Yeah," I say, absently twirling a loose strand of hair around my finger. "And whenever I would don new play clothes, you'd push me into the water and ruin them."
"Yeah." He agrees, smiling fondly at the memories. "I liked picking on you."
"Does that mean you had a crush on me?" I taunt, bringing up his little joke from yesterday.
"I really don't remember," he says, and I'm taken aback. I only meant it as a jeer, another poke at his ego, but he's taking it seriously!
"I was a confused kid. I always wanted to go out and play with the rest of you, so I thought I could win you all over by being the tough guy. I guess I figured if I hurt your feelings, you wouldn't have the chance to hurt mine."
"Was that really how you felt?" I ask, incredulous.
"Yep. Is that so hard to believe?"
"Not really. It's just a surprise." I dig my bare toes in the sand.
"I'm a surprising guy."
"I've noticed."
The clouds cast a shadow over us, an ocean breeze sweeping through my hair. I feel so alive out here, just the smell of the sea sends shivers down my spine. Is this what my students do in their spare time? Once all the learning and studying and all the training mumbo jumbo is through, do they go to places like this? Do they feel this free, this vibrant, this real? Seifer casts a sidelong glance at me.
"Enjoying yourself over there?"
"Oh Seifer," I breathe, not caring if a sound like a fool. "I envy you. I wish I could live here, work here, come to this very place every day and feel this good."
He looks genuinely startled, and casts his eyes towards the sky.
"And how do you feel right now?"
"Magnificent." I murmur, stretching my arms out and surrendering to the azure heavens above. "I didn't know I could feel this way. It's like all the day's aggression and stress is swallowed by this unnerving calm."
"You sound like you should be on Dawson's Creek." He mutters. I'm unaffected by the little jab.
"And you look like you should be on Gilligan's Island." I counter.
He laughs and falls into the sand as well, several inches away from me.
"I come here a lot." He says, scooping up a handful of sand and letting it drift through his fingers, like the sands of time. "It's sort of like my friend, in a way. I don't have any true friends out here, so I pour myself out to the sea. It's great, cause the waters don't judge you, they don't have any preconceived notions about you, they're just these omnipresent forces of nature."
"But don't you get tired of asking endless questions and never getting the answers?"
He appears thoughtful, turning his head look at me. I vow not to turn away, to hide myself from his searching eyes. I'm indirectly offering myself as an emotional support for him, hinting in my own way that I would be there for him, that he didn't need to spew his depressions to the uncaring ocean.
"Sometimes." He replies softly. "It's hard, being alone."
"Having no one who you feel you can really trust with your emotions right?"
"Exactly." His voice betrays his surprise. "How'd you know?"
"I understand better than you think." I add bitterly. I cross my arms over my chest and sigh, my brows furrowed in frustration. He sits up, stealing a better look at me from above. This time I turn away. I don't want him to see that my loneliness bothers me, I'm not ready to let go of this building tide of emotion inside of me. I bite my lip. It's so hard to remain undetected beneath his watchful eyes.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" he offers sheepishly, unsure of how to handle the sudden alteration in my mood. I can tell he has no real experience with women, he doesn't know how to handle one without further pissing her off.
"Not with you." I growl, sitting up as well. I don't know why I'm so angry with him.
"Would you feel better if I let you beat the living hell out of me?" he asks with such solemnity that I have to laugh. I try so hard not to like him, but now I can't help myself anymore. I toss him a playful punch in the shoulder and he howls in mock agony.
"Ah! The Instructor can pack a punch! I can't believe it!" he chides, hopping to his feet. He offers me a hand to clutch for support as I drag myself off the sand, but feeling feisty, I pull him down with me instead.
"Ow! You damn heifer!" he cries, collecting himself again and refusing to help me up this time. I giggle like a little girl and jump to my feet, tousling the sand out of my hair.
"Where to next?" I ask, craning my neck a little till it cracks. The sound obviously catches Seifer off guard, and he winces when he realizes what I'm doing.
"I don't know. Where would you like to go?"
I ponder for a moment. An entire afternoon to spend with this bumbling idiot. I form the words in good fun now, not believing a word I think of him.
"I'm hungry." I whine, sounding almost like Rinoa. My childish insistence and round puppy dog gaze win me my way, and I begin to realize how the Princess of the Timber Forest Owls always seems to succeed in getting what she wants. But, like Rinoa, I know not to use the power of persuasion too selfishly. He rolls his eyes, and peers into the depths of his wallet.
"Damn woman, you are so expensive to please."
I laugh and grab his hand, nearly making him lose his wallet. We climb up the supports and heft ourselves onto the dock, bidding the tranquil seas a last farewell before departing. I almost want to open my arms to the sky and shout like a child, twirling gracefully in the streets like Selphie so unabashedly allows herself to do. I look at him, his cheeks flushed from the sun, grains of sand clinging to his shirt, his hair mussed and unkempt. Undoubtedly, I look the same, my own golden tresses in disarray, my clothing disheveled. Yet somehow I feel beautiful, the fresh air giving me confidence and exuberance I never knew I possessed.
"Hurry up Grandma!" he sneers, already twenty paces ahead of me. "You move like molasses!" I shake my head and jog to catch up with him. It amazes me how we can have a completely serious, heart wrenching conversation one minute, and the next we run around like obstreperous toddlers, carelessly tossing insults back and forth. The air between us has cleared in the past few days. I feel myself letting go, piece by piece, of my own insecurities and shortcomings. I've slowly learned to trust and respect him, and from the telltale look in his eyes, he's learned to do the same with me.
He takes me to the same small café we visited last Friday, the same curly-haired waitress slouched over the counter.
"Hey Sirina! Business not lookin' too good today?" he calls out rudely. I nudge him violently in the ribs and his gives me his warning look. "Chill out, she's a friend."
"I thought you didn't have any friends here." I retort, looking and sounding a little jealous. Jealous? Why on earth would I care if he had other female friends? He was a grown man, he could do as he pleased.
"Seifer!" Sirina waves, rushing at us with a couple of menus. "Thank God we got a loyal customer!"
"Loyal customer?" I sneer, not knowing why I get so snappy at every little thing she says.
"You're sick." He replies, giving me a critical gaze as we follow the little sprite to our table.
We take our respective seats, and he puts his feet up on the table.
"Didn't you ever learn proper etiquette you pig?" I hiss, knocking his intrusive shoes off the eating surface. I don't know where he gets off thinking he can just treat the place like his home. Or his pigsty, judging from his poor mannerisms.
"Sorry Little Miss Prim and Proper. Man, no wonder you're still single. No sane guy could stand a nagging wench like yourself."
"How are you so sure I'm single?" I inquire, trying to keep my cool.
"Cause a taken girl wouldn't spend a day with another man." He replies, so sure of himself it makes me want to throw the salt shaker at him. But instead, I ponder his words, staring quietly at my menu. Maybe he's right, maybe no man wants me because I'm the epitome of a strict older sister. Normally his words wouldn't get to me, normally I would shrug it off with a collected response. But the truth of his words bores into my heart like a thousand swords. Bad analogy, I know.
"Stupid jackass." I mutter.
"Old maid." He replies.
My face crumples. He doesn't understand. I don't need to hear what I've been telling myself subconsciously for so long.
"Hey," he starts, slightly shocked at the hurt so plainly written across my face. "Hey, look, you know I didn't mean it…" He puts his hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. I look up, noting the sincerity in those earnest blue orbs. Almost like the ocean, the way the reflect the light…
The moment is broken by Sirina, who stands ready to take our orders.
"What can I get'cha?" she asks, looking back and forth between Seifer and I, then down at our clasped hands. We both pull away.
As an indirect apology, he lets me get whatever I want. I manage to woof down two slices of pizza, a cheeseburger, an order of onion rings and four Cokes before I was able to slow down. Seifer's jaw nearly came unhinged at the sight of my compulsive eating.
"What?" I ask, patting my mouth with a napkin. He just continues to stare at me like I have a head shaped like a yield sign.
"You obviously didn't get a body like that with those gorging habits of yours."
I pat my flat stomach in pride.
"I will love food more than I will ever love any man. I could out eat Zell in a hot dog scarfing competition."
Ignoring my last remark, which I intended to be humorous, he asks in regards to the former of my two comments.
"Have you ever been in love before?" his eyes are guarded.
I think for a moment, though there's nothing to think about. I haven't so much as kissed a man, much less fallen in love with one.
"Love is… a small word to describe a powerful feeling." I start, entwining my fingers anxiously. I look straight at him and him at me. "And I've never felt it in a romantic sense."
He looks… relieved? I turn the tables to throw him a little.
"What about you?"
He laughed ruefully. "You said it best Instructor. I don't know how to treat a woman. And for a long time, I never thought I wanted one."
"What about Rinoa?" I blurt without thinking. My girlish curiosity is getting the best of me.
"What about her? We were really good friends at one point… I did kind of like her. But we were just young and stupid. Especially her. She claimed to love me cause she was lacking so much of it at home. She tried so hard to pretend she had fallen for me, just so she could feel secure. But now she's got Squall, and whatever me and her had in the past is just that. The past."
I'm smiling inside and I don't know why. I feel like an immense weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Talking, connecting like this with Seifer is incredible. In a matter of days I've gone from wistful thinking to implementing my fantasies.
And now I'm afraid to go back. I'm afraid to limit myself to an ancient desk with a room full of students. Teaching the unwilling and battling the ignorant. What kind of life have I created for myself?
Seifer pays Sirina, leaving a generous tip, and I realize that I'm in debt to him. I start to thank him for paying my way, fully prepared to offer him reimbursement, but he hushes me before I have the chance to speak.
"Hey. What did I tell you? I'm paying, and that's final, so don't think you can get away with trying to pay me back."
"You're so stubborn." I say.
"It's called being a gentleman." He stands and extends a hand out to help me up. I accept his outstretched arm and grip it tightly, feeling a bit woozy as I get to my feet.
"I think I ate too much." I groan, and he laughs.
"I woulda never guessed."
As we step outside, we're met with a brisk sea breeze that sends chills up and down my body. I visibly shudder.
"A little cold there Instructor?" Seifer teases, poking at my bare arms.
"Only cause I'm a warm-blooded creature, unlike you."
"Haha… hey, are you saying I'm cold-blooded?"
I stick my tongue out at him like a little girl and skip ahead of him.
"And what if I am?"
"Then I'll have to kill you."
I clap my hands together, feigning excitement as I yelp, "Oh goody! This should be an amusing attempt!" I remind myself of Selphie for a moment.
"I'm stronger than you." He warns.
"And I'm quicker." I reply.
"We'll see about that."
"Oh will we?"
That's just enough to get him going. He lunges at me and I shriek, running down the street like the hounds of Hades are hot on my trail. I laugh, looking behind me every now and then at Seifer's larger body trying to match my stride. I give him credit; he's fast for a man of his height and build. But he's no match for me. If there's one thing I can brag about, it's my catlike speed and agility.
He chases me outside of the city limits, and I begin to scream randomly, spinning around on the trail and making myself dizzy. He tosses curses and cheap insults from behind me, but I'm too involved with running to even care. My hair clips slide out and release my tresses from their bonds, which isn't necessarily a welcome feeling. Loose strands slap me in the face a little, the wind stinging my cheeks. Despite the biting cold I feel so wonderfully warm and alive.
"You're really gonna regret it when I catch up to you Trepe!" he shouts, and I get the feeling he means it.
"Don't you mean IF you can catch up to me Almasy?" I yell back, thrilling at his enraged, albeit feisty demeanor. As the forest comes into my line of vision, I veer off the path and worm through the trees. I realize after a few moments that I haven't made a very intelligent decision, considering how closely the trees are housed. There's barely enough room for me to zigzag through the sparse clearings and the mud gets thicker the deeper I go.
Suddenly, a pang of fear shoots through me as I glance over my shoulder and notice that Seifer isn't there. My natural battle instincts tell me not to stop, that he is nearby and just waiting for the opportunity to ambush me. I would have been proud to lose him, except for the fact that he was the reason I was running in the first place. It was the thrill of the chase that kept me on my toes, the adrenaline coursing thickly through my veins. I finally admit it to myself. I want him to catch me. I don't wanna run from him forever.
"Seifer!" I call. No answer.
"Seifer you idiot! Where did you go?"
I strain my ears for any sign of life other than my own. Either he's really good at hiding, or he turned around and left me. My shoulders sag as I exhale. I've finally opened up to someone, our souls have touched one another and left us with a trusting friendship. He knows me better than anyone, he can read me like a book and knows the right things to say in order to piss me off and make me swoon.
I step forward, feeling empty, hollow. He left me. After all the faith I put in him, after everything we had shared these past few days, he left me alone, with no warning and no explanation.
I start to walk towards Garden, my steps heavy. Funny, I don't remember being so tired. In fact, just moments ago I was so filled with energy and happiness. I've never felt more complete than I have today. I've never broken the rules or stayed out too late, never allowed myself to indulge in front of others or release my personal secrets. I've opened up to the one man who had previously threatened the well being of the entire Garden. And I didn't regret a second of it.
But what does all of this mean? Why now, why him? Why do I feel like I can walk on water when I'm with him, why can I see myself living out the rest of my days with him at my side? Why does the jealousy pool inside me when I see other women giving him sidelong glances? Why do his meaningless insults sear my flesh like a Firaga spell? Why do I see his conceited smile everywhere, why are his royal blue eyes imprinted in my memory? My eyes begin to glaze. Why did he leave me?
As if answering my question, intrusive arms snake around my waist and tackle me to the ground. I let out a squeal, preparing to utilize my idle Blue Magic that I had stored away for so long. I raise a hand to cast Ultra Waves, but it's forced at my side. I look up fretfully into my attacker's eyes. Bright, mischievous blue eyes. Seifer.
"Got'cha Trepe." He whispers. I squirm beneath him and he lets me go, a triumphant smile on his face.
"You stupid selfish jerk!" I shriek, shaking out my hair. He looks baffled and I struggle to stand up. Cautiously, he reaches out a hand, but I swat it away.
"Seifer, you're such an idiot!" I scream again, my entire body shaking.
"I'm sorry?" he is unsure of why he should apologize. I know he thinks I'm upset that he caught me, but it's not that at all. It's the fear and panic that he struck in me when I realized he was no longer behind me. The loneliness that creeped back into my soul.
"Just forget it." I scowl. "I have a long day tomorrow. I should go."
He looks bewildered, an odd expression for him indeed.
"Quistis…"
"Save it." I reply venomously. "And thanks for dinner. I'll pay you back, whether you like it or not."
The look on his face is too priceless, but it breaks my heart. He looks like a little boy whose mother has refused him candy one too many times. For once, he has no sarcastic remarks, rude comments, or hurtful insults to send my way. There is no pride in his eyes, no overzealous personality flaws. Just a teenage boy who's hurt, betrayed and confused. It's all I can do to keep from running into his arms.
"Alright." He says finally, lowering his gaze. "I'll be seeing you around Instructor." I know that his words imply the exact opposite. He no longer wants anything to do with me.
I sigh, and venture the small distance towards home. No not home. Free room and board. Garden. Not my home, but my house. Home is where the heart is, and I guess that means my home is with Seifer, wherever he may go. I'm angry that Seifer scared me so bad, I'm angry that the cold air is making the chill bumps rise on my arms, I'm angry that no one seems to give a damn who Quistis Trepe really is. But mostly, I'm angry at myself, not for acting like a child, not for neglecting my work. I'm angry for allowing myself to fall so completely in love with Seifer Almasy. And now, whether or not he ever felt the same, there is no hope for us anymore.
To Be Continued….
A/N: Another part to my little story! I'm thinking it's gonna be about 4 parts long, so I'll finish it before break is over! Which sucks cause when I go back to school I won't get to write as much! Anyways, as always I *really* appreciate the wonderful reviews I've gotten! You guys' responses are what keep me writing, so thank you for fueling my inspiration! Please R&R if you like it or if there is something I can do to make it better!
Disclaimer: Oh come on. You guys know it's not mine.
I sigh, shifting my weight awkwardly from foot to foot. Seifer should be here by now. If there's one good thing I could ever say about Seifer, he's punctual. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he just didn't want to see me but didn't know how to turn down the offer. Turn me down? He of all people is in no place to turn down anyone's friendship, that's for damn sure. Why am I so nervous? It's just Seifer.
My hair is held back with a few sparkly clips, which are not my taste, but as a gift from Rinoa, I figure it would be gracious of me to wear them at least once. Besides, I like to think they go well with my outfit. I feel self-aware as several random fishermen give me probing stares. I've never had low self-esteem, but I never really considered myself an attractive woman either. I guess being stuck in the same mold for so many years defeated my interest in appearance.
Just as I'm about to leave, Seifer comes running down the path.
"Sorry I'm late." He offers, just barely out of breath. He looks good today, dressed a little more nicely than the faded jeans and muscle shirt he wears for work.
"Do you have the day off?" I ask, completely oblivious to his apology.
"Yep." He replies, raking his fingers through his short hair.
"I didn't know that." I look out to the ocean. "You didn't have to come if it's your day off."
"I know." Is all he answers with. He's so confusing. I never know what's going on in that head of his, never know what his next move is going to be.
"So where do you wanna go?" he wonders, looking slightly impatient.
"Beats me. Where's a good place to go?"
"Depends what you wanna do."
"And what are you implying?"
"Absolutely nothing." He says this with a suave smile, holding his hands up in supplication. "But now that you mention it, I know a really awesome place."
I tilt my head in curiosity, wondering if he's going to pull a typical Seifer move on me and take me someplace seedy. I know it's a mistake trusting him. But despite all the accusations rolling through my head, my heart tells me I won't regret anything.
"This way," he motions, and leads me down a plank. Below us is the gentle ocean, rippling calmly, the sun illuminating every fold in the surface. I stand off to the side, longingly admiring the view. One day, I'm going to live somewhere near the beach, just to wake up to the sound of the waves lapping and the gulls calling out to one another. I close my eyes, the scenery imprinted in my eyelids. And then I feel strong hands giving me a gentle shove. I yelp, losing my balance and falling to the sand below. Not a moment later, Seifer joins me, landing cleanly on his feet.
"What the hell was that for?" I hiss, gathering a fistful of sand and hurling it at him.
"Hey!" he protests, rubbing the grains from his eyes. "Stupid cow…"
I scramble to my feet, brushing the sand off my shorts. I take off my shoes and kick the dirt out of them as well.
"So? What do you think?" Seifer prods impatiently, gesticulating around us with his arms. I almost throw a shoe at his head, just to permanently remove that stupid grin he always wears. I stop short however, looking around. We're beneath the plank, staring out at the inlet. The bank is shady and cool, the sand dry and an assortment of shells scattered along the shore.
"Wow…" I trail off. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but its simple beauty draws me in.
"I know." Seifer smiles, leaning against one of the huge supports. "Ain't it great?"
"Whoever thought an ingrate like you could appreciate a place like this."
"Oh yes Quistis, let's just further insult and humiliate poor Seifer. God knows he can't take the criticism."
I raise my eyebrows. "And he must be losing his sanity, considering he's talking about himself in the third person."
He laughs and plops down in the sand, beckoning me to sit with him. I stand defiantly at first, hands on hips and a skeptical look on my face, but his half-lidded stare persuades me to give in. I sit down a small distance from him, stretching my legs out and propping myself up on my elbows.
"I'm going to live out here one day," I inform him dreamily, surveying our surroundings with a wistful sigh. "By the ocean. It's so beautiful out here, so much different than being cramped up in a stupid classroom all day."
"It sure is nice," he agrees, folding his arms behind his head. A shadow passes over his face, and I see his serious side peeking out again.
"Remember when we were kids, how we used to always play on the beach?"
"Yeah," I say, absently twirling a loose strand of hair around my finger. "And whenever I would don new play clothes, you'd push me into the water and ruin them."
"Yeah." He agrees, smiling fondly at the memories. "I liked picking on you."
"Does that mean you had a crush on me?" I taunt, bringing up his little joke from yesterday.
"I really don't remember," he says, and I'm taken aback. I only meant it as a jeer, another poke at his ego, but he's taking it seriously!
"I was a confused kid. I always wanted to go out and play with the rest of you, so I thought I could win you all over by being the tough guy. I guess I figured if I hurt your feelings, you wouldn't have the chance to hurt mine."
"Was that really how you felt?" I ask, incredulous.
"Yep. Is that so hard to believe?"
"Not really. It's just a surprise." I dig my bare toes in the sand.
"I'm a surprising guy."
"I've noticed."
The clouds cast a shadow over us, an ocean breeze sweeping through my hair. I feel so alive out here, just the smell of the sea sends shivers down my spine. Is this what my students do in their spare time? Once all the learning and studying and all the training mumbo jumbo is through, do they go to places like this? Do they feel this free, this vibrant, this real? Seifer casts a sidelong glance at me.
"Enjoying yourself over there?"
"Oh Seifer," I breathe, not caring if a sound like a fool. "I envy you. I wish I could live here, work here, come to this very place every day and feel this good."
He looks genuinely startled, and casts his eyes towards the sky.
"And how do you feel right now?"
"Magnificent." I murmur, stretching my arms out and surrendering to the azure heavens above. "I didn't know I could feel this way. It's like all the day's aggression and stress is swallowed by this unnerving calm."
"You sound like you should be on Dawson's Creek." He mutters. I'm unaffected by the little jab.
"And you look like you should be on Gilligan's Island." I counter.
He laughs and falls into the sand as well, several inches away from me.
"I come here a lot." He says, scooping up a handful of sand and letting it drift through his fingers, like the sands of time. "It's sort of like my friend, in a way. I don't have any true friends out here, so I pour myself out to the sea. It's great, cause the waters don't judge you, they don't have any preconceived notions about you, they're just these omnipresent forces of nature."
"But don't you get tired of asking endless questions and never getting the answers?"
He appears thoughtful, turning his head look at me. I vow not to turn away, to hide myself from his searching eyes. I'm indirectly offering myself as an emotional support for him, hinting in my own way that I would be there for him, that he didn't need to spew his depressions to the uncaring ocean.
"Sometimes." He replies softly. "It's hard, being alone."
"Having no one who you feel you can really trust with your emotions right?"
"Exactly." His voice betrays his surprise. "How'd you know?"
"I understand better than you think." I add bitterly. I cross my arms over my chest and sigh, my brows furrowed in frustration. He sits up, stealing a better look at me from above. This time I turn away. I don't want him to see that my loneliness bothers me, I'm not ready to let go of this building tide of emotion inside of me. I bite my lip. It's so hard to remain undetected beneath his watchful eyes.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" he offers sheepishly, unsure of how to handle the sudden alteration in my mood. I can tell he has no real experience with women, he doesn't know how to handle one without further pissing her off.
"Not with you." I growl, sitting up as well. I don't know why I'm so angry with him.
"Would you feel better if I let you beat the living hell out of me?" he asks with such solemnity that I have to laugh. I try so hard not to like him, but now I can't help myself anymore. I toss him a playful punch in the shoulder and he howls in mock agony.
"Ah! The Instructor can pack a punch! I can't believe it!" he chides, hopping to his feet. He offers me a hand to clutch for support as I drag myself off the sand, but feeling feisty, I pull him down with me instead.
"Ow! You damn heifer!" he cries, collecting himself again and refusing to help me up this time. I giggle like a little girl and jump to my feet, tousling the sand out of my hair.
"Where to next?" I ask, craning my neck a little till it cracks. The sound obviously catches Seifer off guard, and he winces when he realizes what I'm doing.
"I don't know. Where would you like to go?"
I ponder for a moment. An entire afternoon to spend with this bumbling idiot. I form the words in good fun now, not believing a word I think of him.
"I'm hungry." I whine, sounding almost like Rinoa. My childish insistence and round puppy dog gaze win me my way, and I begin to realize how the Princess of the Timber Forest Owls always seems to succeed in getting what she wants. But, like Rinoa, I know not to use the power of persuasion too selfishly. He rolls his eyes, and peers into the depths of his wallet.
"Damn woman, you are so expensive to please."
I laugh and grab his hand, nearly making him lose his wallet. We climb up the supports and heft ourselves onto the dock, bidding the tranquil seas a last farewell before departing. I almost want to open my arms to the sky and shout like a child, twirling gracefully in the streets like Selphie so unabashedly allows herself to do. I look at him, his cheeks flushed from the sun, grains of sand clinging to his shirt, his hair mussed and unkempt. Undoubtedly, I look the same, my own golden tresses in disarray, my clothing disheveled. Yet somehow I feel beautiful, the fresh air giving me confidence and exuberance I never knew I possessed.
"Hurry up Grandma!" he sneers, already twenty paces ahead of me. "You move like molasses!" I shake my head and jog to catch up with him. It amazes me how we can have a completely serious, heart wrenching conversation one minute, and the next we run around like obstreperous toddlers, carelessly tossing insults back and forth. The air between us has cleared in the past few days. I feel myself letting go, piece by piece, of my own insecurities and shortcomings. I've slowly learned to trust and respect him, and from the telltale look in his eyes, he's learned to do the same with me.
He takes me to the same small café we visited last Friday, the same curly-haired waitress slouched over the counter.
"Hey Sirina! Business not lookin' too good today?" he calls out rudely. I nudge him violently in the ribs and his gives me his warning look. "Chill out, she's a friend."
"I thought you didn't have any friends here." I retort, looking and sounding a little jealous. Jealous? Why on earth would I care if he had other female friends? He was a grown man, he could do as he pleased.
"Seifer!" Sirina waves, rushing at us with a couple of menus. "Thank God we got a loyal customer!"
"Loyal customer?" I sneer, not knowing why I get so snappy at every little thing she says.
"You're sick." He replies, giving me a critical gaze as we follow the little sprite to our table.
We take our respective seats, and he puts his feet up on the table.
"Didn't you ever learn proper etiquette you pig?" I hiss, knocking his intrusive shoes off the eating surface. I don't know where he gets off thinking he can just treat the place like his home. Or his pigsty, judging from his poor mannerisms.
"Sorry Little Miss Prim and Proper. Man, no wonder you're still single. No sane guy could stand a nagging wench like yourself."
"How are you so sure I'm single?" I inquire, trying to keep my cool.
"Cause a taken girl wouldn't spend a day with another man." He replies, so sure of himself it makes me want to throw the salt shaker at him. But instead, I ponder his words, staring quietly at my menu. Maybe he's right, maybe no man wants me because I'm the epitome of a strict older sister. Normally his words wouldn't get to me, normally I would shrug it off with a collected response. But the truth of his words bores into my heart like a thousand swords. Bad analogy, I know.
"Stupid jackass." I mutter.
"Old maid." He replies.
My face crumples. He doesn't understand. I don't need to hear what I've been telling myself subconsciously for so long.
"Hey," he starts, slightly shocked at the hurt so plainly written across my face. "Hey, look, you know I didn't mean it…" He puts his hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. I look up, noting the sincerity in those earnest blue orbs. Almost like the ocean, the way the reflect the light…
The moment is broken by Sirina, who stands ready to take our orders.
"What can I get'cha?" she asks, looking back and forth between Seifer and I, then down at our clasped hands. We both pull away.
As an indirect apology, he lets me get whatever I want. I manage to woof down two slices of pizza, a cheeseburger, an order of onion rings and four Cokes before I was able to slow down. Seifer's jaw nearly came unhinged at the sight of my compulsive eating.
"What?" I ask, patting my mouth with a napkin. He just continues to stare at me like I have a head shaped like a yield sign.
"You obviously didn't get a body like that with those gorging habits of yours."
I pat my flat stomach in pride.
"I will love food more than I will ever love any man. I could out eat Zell in a hot dog scarfing competition."
Ignoring my last remark, which I intended to be humorous, he asks in regards to the former of my two comments.
"Have you ever been in love before?" his eyes are guarded.
I think for a moment, though there's nothing to think about. I haven't so much as kissed a man, much less fallen in love with one.
"Love is… a small word to describe a powerful feeling." I start, entwining my fingers anxiously. I look straight at him and him at me. "And I've never felt it in a romantic sense."
He looks… relieved? I turn the tables to throw him a little.
"What about you?"
He laughed ruefully. "You said it best Instructor. I don't know how to treat a woman. And for a long time, I never thought I wanted one."
"What about Rinoa?" I blurt without thinking. My girlish curiosity is getting the best of me.
"What about her? We were really good friends at one point… I did kind of like her. But we were just young and stupid. Especially her. She claimed to love me cause she was lacking so much of it at home. She tried so hard to pretend she had fallen for me, just so she could feel secure. But now she's got Squall, and whatever me and her had in the past is just that. The past."
I'm smiling inside and I don't know why. I feel like an immense weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Talking, connecting like this with Seifer is incredible. In a matter of days I've gone from wistful thinking to implementing my fantasies.
And now I'm afraid to go back. I'm afraid to limit myself to an ancient desk with a room full of students. Teaching the unwilling and battling the ignorant. What kind of life have I created for myself?
Seifer pays Sirina, leaving a generous tip, and I realize that I'm in debt to him. I start to thank him for paying my way, fully prepared to offer him reimbursement, but he hushes me before I have the chance to speak.
"Hey. What did I tell you? I'm paying, and that's final, so don't think you can get away with trying to pay me back."
"You're so stubborn." I say.
"It's called being a gentleman." He stands and extends a hand out to help me up. I accept his outstretched arm and grip it tightly, feeling a bit woozy as I get to my feet.
"I think I ate too much." I groan, and he laughs.
"I woulda never guessed."
As we step outside, we're met with a brisk sea breeze that sends chills up and down my body. I visibly shudder.
"A little cold there Instructor?" Seifer teases, poking at my bare arms.
"Only cause I'm a warm-blooded creature, unlike you."
"Haha… hey, are you saying I'm cold-blooded?"
I stick my tongue out at him like a little girl and skip ahead of him.
"And what if I am?"
"Then I'll have to kill you."
I clap my hands together, feigning excitement as I yelp, "Oh goody! This should be an amusing attempt!" I remind myself of Selphie for a moment.
"I'm stronger than you." He warns.
"And I'm quicker." I reply.
"We'll see about that."
"Oh will we?"
That's just enough to get him going. He lunges at me and I shriek, running down the street like the hounds of Hades are hot on my trail. I laugh, looking behind me every now and then at Seifer's larger body trying to match my stride. I give him credit; he's fast for a man of his height and build. But he's no match for me. If there's one thing I can brag about, it's my catlike speed and agility.
He chases me outside of the city limits, and I begin to scream randomly, spinning around on the trail and making myself dizzy. He tosses curses and cheap insults from behind me, but I'm too involved with running to even care. My hair clips slide out and release my tresses from their bonds, which isn't necessarily a welcome feeling. Loose strands slap me in the face a little, the wind stinging my cheeks. Despite the biting cold I feel so wonderfully warm and alive.
"You're really gonna regret it when I catch up to you Trepe!" he shouts, and I get the feeling he means it.
"Don't you mean IF you can catch up to me Almasy?" I yell back, thrilling at his enraged, albeit feisty demeanor. As the forest comes into my line of vision, I veer off the path and worm through the trees. I realize after a few moments that I haven't made a very intelligent decision, considering how closely the trees are housed. There's barely enough room for me to zigzag through the sparse clearings and the mud gets thicker the deeper I go.
Suddenly, a pang of fear shoots through me as I glance over my shoulder and notice that Seifer isn't there. My natural battle instincts tell me not to stop, that he is nearby and just waiting for the opportunity to ambush me. I would have been proud to lose him, except for the fact that he was the reason I was running in the first place. It was the thrill of the chase that kept me on my toes, the adrenaline coursing thickly through my veins. I finally admit it to myself. I want him to catch me. I don't wanna run from him forever.
"Seifer!" I call. No answer.
"Seifer you idiot! Where did you go?"
I strain my ears for any sign of life other than my own. Either he's really good at hiding, or he turned around and left me. My shoulders sag as I exhale. I've finally opened up to someone, our souls have touched one another and left us with a trusting friendship. He knows me better than anyone, he can read me like a book and knows the right things to say in order to piss me off and make me swoon.
I step forward, feeling empty, hollow. He left me. After all the faith I put in him, after everything we had shared these past few days, he left me alone, with no warning and no explanation.
I start to walk towards Garden, my steps heavy. Funny, I don't remember being so tired. In fact, just moments ago I was so filled with energy and happiness. I've never felt more complete than I have today. I've never broken the rules or stayed out too late, never allowed myself to indulge in front of others or release my personal secrets. I've opened up to the one man who had previously threatened the well being of the entire Garden. And I didn't regret a second of it.
But what does all of this mean? Why now, why him? Why do I feel like I can walk on water when I'm with him, why can I see myself living out the rest of my days with him at my side? Why does the jealousy pool inside me when I see other women giving him sidelong glances? Why do his meaningless insults sear my flesh like a Firaga spell? Why do I see his conceited smile everywhere, why are his royal blue eyes imprinted in my memory? My eyes begin to glaze. Why did he leave me?
As if answering my question, intrusive arms snake around my waist and tackle me to the ground. I let out a squeal, preparing to utilize my idle Blue Magic that I had stored away for so long. I raise a hand to cast Ultra Waves, but it's forced at my side. I look up fretfully into my attacker's eyes. Bright, mischievous blue eyes. Seifer.
"Got'cha Trepe." He whispers. I squirm beneath him and he lets me go, a triumphant smile on his face.
"You stupid selfish jerk!" I shriek, shaking out my hair. He looks baffled and I struggle to stand up. Cautiously, he reaches out a hand, but I swat it away.
"Seifer, you're such an idiot!" I scream again, my entire body shaking.
"I'm sorry?" he is unsure of why he should apologize. I know he thinks I'm upset that he caught me, but it's not that at all. It's the fear and panic that he struck in me when I realized he was no longer behind me. The loneliness that creeped back into my soul.
"Just forget it." I scowl. "I have a long day tomorrow. I should go."
He looks bewildered, an odd expression for him indeed.
"Quistis…"
"Save it." I reply venomously. "And thanks for dinner. I'll pay you back, whether you like it or not."
The look on his face is too priceless, but it breaks my heart. He looks like a little boy whose mother has refused him candy one too many times. For once, he has no sarcastic remarks, rude comments, or hurtful insults to send my way. There is no pride in his eyes, no overzealous personality flaws. Just a teenage boy who's hurt, betrayed and confused. It's all I can do to keep from running into his arms.
"Alright." He says finally, lowering his gaze. "I'll be seeing you around Instructor." I know that his words imply the exact opposite. He no longer wants anything to do with me.
I sigh, and venture the small distance towards home. No not home. Free room and board. Garden. Not my home, but my house. Home is where the heart is, and I guess that means my home is with Seifer, wherever he may go. I'm angry that Seifer scared me so bad, I'm angry that the cold air is making the chill bumps rise on my arms, I'm angry that no one seems to give a damn who Quistis Trepe really is. But mostly, I'm angry at myself, not for acting like a child, not for neglecting my work. I'm angry for allowing myself to fall so completely in love with Seifer Almasy. And now, whether or not he ever felt the same, there is no hope for us anymore.
To Be Continued….