Life Goes On, Or Does It? pt7-Matt's Decision
Midget: Hi. Most of this is in Matt's POV. I don't want to spoil it, so I won't say anything else.
Warning: There's some stuff that might be considered shounen ai, so be careful if you're really sensitive.
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.
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"Life can be funny, you know? It plays tricks on people. Makes us believe we're getting somewhere, and then takes something important away. At first I was angry at you for doing this, but I think I'm starting to understand. You're my best friend, you see, and almost losing you has made me realize what you must be feeling. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm hoping you'll pull through this. If you do, I promise not to yell at you or tell you how stupid you're being. I'd do anything to have you better, anything! Just get better, please."
*Tai, is that you? It couldn't be! Tai never sounds so lost. He always knows what he's doing and where he's going. There's just no way it could be him.* Matt felt a bit confused. This was the first time he'd ever been able to hear anything except T.K. and Angemon since he'd gotten there. Maybe it was because Angemon had finally finished talking and he'd finally finished thinking about his words. There was a lot to think about.
"The others feel the same way, you know. None of us wants to lose you. Mimi and Kari came in earlier. When they came out both were crying so hard that Sora decided to take them to our house. Don't worry, she'll calm them down."
*What?! They shouldn't be crying! They've both shed enough tears already.* He remembered all the things that had made them cry over the years. It wasn't right that they were still suffering.
"Joe visited and then headed straight for Mimi. He had a sort of helpless look on his face. It kind of worried me because I haven't seen that look in a while."
*Me either. Our time in the digiworld really boosted his confidence.* Everyone had been proud of Joe. As he'd grown older he'd become more sure of himself and his abilities. The few times he'd lapsed everyone had quickly done what they could to help him out, not wanting him to retreat back into his fearful shell.
"Davis kind of surprised me with his reaction. I mean, he never really got close to you because you were T.K.'s older brother and all. But when he came back there were tears in his eyes. When I asked him about it he just smiled painfully and sat down beside Izzy. That was strangest part since Kari was sitting several chairs away."
*Davis did what?! You've got to be kidding me! Davis doesn't sit several chairs away from Kari. Something weird is going on here.* That in itself was disturbing, but the thought that he had tears in his eyes was worse. *What have I done?*
"Sora already told you about the babies, right?"
*Huh???*
"She and I are having multiples the doctor said. We'll see. I think the guy is a nut case so I don't really believe him, but Sora does so I'm going along with it. It was my idea that we name our son, if we have a son, after T.K., but she thought it might upset you. Especially since we're going to ask you to be the baby's god father. I still think it's a great idea. That way T.K.'s name can still live on."
*I don't know.... It hurts just to think T.K.'s name. I'm not sure I could call someone else by it. But it would be nice to have his memory live on that way. Oh, boy...*
"Ken and Yolei are a perfect match. They both just sit there, slumped over, talking quietly to each other. They keep reminiscing about the years since they met T.K. and you. Just listening to them is depressing. All the good times... It just makes these times even more painful. Neither one of them notices, though."
*All the good times.... Yeah, we had some good times, didn't we? They were some of the best in my life.*
"Cody is in a class by himself. For the most part he just silently watches the rest of us. He looks kind of lost, as if he doesn't know where to go or who to turn to. None of us are much help, I'm afraid."
*Cody, the youngest of us. This must be difficult for him.* I remember the afternoon we played checkers together. It had been T.K., me, Izzy, Tai, Davis, and him. Joe would have been there, but he was studying. So the six of us had a tournament. For a while, even Davis and T.K. forgot to fight. I wish we could do that again.
"And there's the last member of our group, Izzy. I saved him for last because I wanted to warn you that he'll be coming in next. He retreated into his trance-like state after he visited you before. All this time he's been plotting something, I know it. He just sits there and mutters to himself about something or other. Who knows. So if he acts a little strange you'll know why."
*Izzy... I wonder how he's taking this. It doesn't sound like he's doing very well.* A stab of pain shot through him. Izzy had spent the last few weeks doing everything he could to help him. He must be feeling betrayed now. Who could blame him, after what he'd done? He'd broken his promise. *I bet he's mad at me now.* The thought of Izzy's anger hurt.
"Well, I'd better get going. Izzy will tear my head off if I don't. So will the doctors. Technically Izzy and I aren't supposed to get a second visit, at least not today, but what they don't know won't hurt any of us. I'm going to go get something to eat real quick. If you wake up make sure that Izzy lets me know. I'll see you around, buddy." The sound of swiftly retreating footsteps was punctuated by the opening and closing of the door.
*Tai, your mask is slipping. You can't fool me now anymore than you ever did before. I heard the tears in your voice. I wish I could help you. Something must really be wrong for them to act this way. They haven't been anything like this since we lost T.K.*
The sound the door opening and hesitant footsteps coming closer broke into his thoughts. Izzy sat down in the chair with a faint rustle. For several minutes there was complete silence.
*Izzy, is that you? What's wrong? Why aren't you talking?* It seemed like forever before he heard anything.
"Hello, Matt. I see you haven't gotten enough beauty sleep yet."
*That isn't Izzy's voice! It's much too hoarse. The only time he ever sounds like that is when he's been crying. Surely he's mad about that promise.* Matt kind of doubted it. Izzy wasn't the kind to hold something like that against him for too long. Especially not when he was like this.
"The doctor's say that you probably don't have much longer to live."
*What?! I'm strong enough to make it! It was just a few pills!* Matt paused, blinking. He had wanted to die, right? So why was he upset that the doctor said it was going to happen?
"I figured I'd tell you so you know that you only have a little longer to wait until you get what you wanted. You're body will fail and you will die."
*What I wanted... I thought that this was what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. How can I help you guys from here?* Matt felt very confused. He wanted to help his friends, but he also wanted to die. Didn't he?
"While in the waiting room I tried to come up with a way to heal the damage those pills did. I think I've figured it out, but I don't know whether I should tell anyone about it."
*Why not?!*
"I'm not sure if that's what you would want."
*Oh. I can't help you there, because I don't know either.*
"Once I figured it out I started thinking about the last three weeks. I remembered your pain and sorrow. I remembered going to your room at night and holding you when the nightmares got to be too much for you to endure."
*I remember, too. I would wake up from those horrible dreams without any idea of what had happened. All I would know was that it was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. Before, no one was there. Those times you were. You even used to sit in a chair by the bed and talk or sing if I couldn't go back to sleep.* Matt smiled slightly at the memory. There had been one night when they had a contest on who could remember the most songs in their entirety. Oddly enough, neither had won. That had been the first time he'd laughed since before T.K. got sick.
"I thought about how hard I tried to get you to start living, actually living instead of just existing. I realized that I was so busy trying to get you to do what I wanted you to, I didn't stop to think about how you might feel. I didn't even consider what might be best for you. Watching you suffer has been killing me, killing all of us. What if you live and it's only worse? I can't make you want to live, no one can. You have to choose it for yourself. If my idea works and you do pull through, will it really be better?"
*I don't know. I honestly don't know. Right now I'm not sure if I want to live or die. Different parts of me are pulling me in both directions.* The confusion inside him made things difficult to sort out.
"Life takes a certain amount of commitment and determination on our parts. If we aren't willing to accept the things fate and destiny throw at us, if we aren't determined to give it our all, then what's the point? It isn't really life that way. All it would be is a miserable existence devoid of joy because you wouldn't be looking for happiness, you'd just be suffering. I don't want to see you go through that."
*Neither do I. It's not exactly the most pleasant thought, is it?*
"So I'm going to give you a choice. I believe you're strong enough to wake up in spite of the internal damage that was done. So if you really want to live, just open your eyes."
*Well, you've just given me some good reasons to just lie here, so why should I? What is there that's worth going back for?* Even Matt recognized the slight hint of desperation in his thoughts. *Can I really be looking for a reason to live? Shouldn't I be wanting to stay with T.K. and dad?*
"Before you make you're decision I want to tell you something. Matt, you mean a great deal to me. More than you'll probably ever know. I told you all this because I want you to know I care enough about you to want what is best for you. If that means letting you go, I will. A part of me will die, but I will take the pain if it will help you. I know that one day we will meet up again and I'm willing to wait. I can't say that I'll like it, but I will. At least I'll have the comfort of knowing you will live in my heart and in the hearts of our friends, just like T.K."
*Izzy... I don't know what to think. I hadn't really considered how he or any of the others would feel if I died. I know how much it hurts to be left behind. I've felt a part of me die. Now that I think about it, I've seen the same haunted look in his, Kari's, and Cody's eyes. Cody was like another, younger brother, at times to T.K. and me. I bet if I looked now I would see it in Tai's eyes, and maybe even the others. It hurts to think about it. What was that last part? Something about T.K. and I living on in your heart? In evrybody's hearts?*
"I guess you don't want to come back. Don't worry, none of us will ever forget either of you. Save us a place up there, okay?"
*I would, but I'm not leaving yet. I can't promise that things will be better, but they can't get worse than this isolation.* Turning, I look Angemon in the eye.
"I want to go back," I announce calmly. If this wasn't such a serious matter I might have laughed at the shock in his eyes.
"Just like that," he demanded in disbelief.
"After listening to what Tai and Izzy said, yeah," I reply calmly.
Angemon looks at me strangely. "I think you've been here too long," he says slowly.
*I guess he didn't hear them. Good. It's none of his business anyways.* "Just tell me how to get back," I say out loud, frowning.
"Are you sure about this," he asks doubtfully. It's easy to see he's reluctant to go through with it.
"Let him go," T.K. answers happily, materializing beside me. I jerk back but he doesn't seem to notice as he grins at me, his eyes full of relief. "I'm glad you decided to go on living. Now we'll get a chance to be together later."
"You mean we wouldn't have before," I ask carefully.
"No," he replies blithely, unconcerned. "You wouldn't have been allowed to join the rest of us because you would have gone to a place where you would be tormented for eternity."
"In other words, he..mph." T.K. stops my words and shakes his head.
"You aren't supposed to say words like that," he scolds me sternly. I roll my eyes.
"Now, it's time to send you back," he tells me cheerfully. He and Angemon begin to glow, then I do. "Good luck, brother. I'll be waiting here for you and the others."
"As will I," Angemon calls, waving as he disappears.
There is a bright flash of light. Pain rockets throughout my body and I cry out as I lose consciousness. *Izzy...*
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"I'll be back whenever the doctor's let me in," I say softly, forcing back the tears. "We're not going to give up on you. I'm not going to give up on you just yet. you still have time to change your mind." There is no answer, not that I expected one. *Matt, please come back.*
With a heavy heart I turn away. My steps are slow as they carry me away from his bed. I can hear the sound of someone outside. *I guess I've been in here longer than it seemed.*
A strange sound causes me to go on full alert. I turn around slowly to stare at Matt with wide eyes. He looks like he hasn't moved. *Funny, I could have sworn I heard him cry out my name.*
Feeling more than a little off balance, I retrace my steps quickly. "Matt," I call softly, taking his hand in mine. "Matt, can you hear me?"
For a moment there is nothing. Disappointed, I start to lay his hand down when I feel his fingers twitch. Gasping, I squeeze his hand as gently as I can.
"Matt, are you awake," I ask excitedly.
A quiet moan comes from his lips as he squeezes my hand weakly. I almost faint with relief when I see his eyes open slightly. They're glazed, but that doesn't matter.
"Matt, I'm so glad you're awake! Wait here and I'll call the others." I carefully set his hand down and rush to the door.
A janitor is standing in the hallway, next to the door, sweeping the floor. I tap him on the shoulder and wait for him to turn around.
"Excuse me, sir. Could you do me a favor and go tell the group in the waiting room down the hall that they need to go to Matt's room right away," I ask politely. "Tell them that he finally woke up."
The janitor smiles at me. "Sure, no problem," he replies kindly.
"Thank you so much," I say gratefully. then I whirl and hurry back to Matt.
"How are you feeling," I ask happily. It's a joy just to be able to ask that. "No wait, you need to rest. Don't talk."
Wearily amused eyes look at me wryly. "I'm too tired to say much, anyways," he rasped quietly.
"And after eight full hours of sleep," I say in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. It almost seems like something is going to shatter at any moment if we aren't careful.
Matt's eyes widen. Before he can say anything the sound of footsteps can be heard pounding toward us.
"Ready to face the gang," I ask softly, moving to stand at the foot of the bed.
I grin as I watch the others burst in, led by Tai. Everyone crowds around him and starts talking at once. At the front are Kari, Mimi, and Sora. Their timing is excellent. Now everyone is here to celebrate.
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Later that night I woke up, startled. Thinking, I'm disappointed to find that I can't remember what my dream had been about. All I remember are the words that are floating around in my head. Knowing that I'll forget them if I don't write them down quickly, I try to get out of bed.
"Ahh," I cried softly, falling back down. That was a big mistake. Now my sides are killing me again and my breathing is labored.
"What is it," a soft voice asks, startling me.
Turning my head, I see Joe standing there. He hadn't been able to stay long earlier, but then, no one had.
"What are you doing here," I whisper furiously, embarrassed that he saw my failed attempt at rising.
"I came to check on you," he replies calmly, walking over. "I promised the others that I'd check on you each hour and let them know if anything happened."
"That's nice of you, but you don't have to," I tell him quietly. "I don't want you to go to any trouble for me."
"I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the others and myself," he answers calmly. "We want to be sure you're all right. Besides, I'm working tonight anyways."
I can't think of anything to say, so I just nod. After a moment his gaze becomes uncomfortable. *I wish he'd say something.*
"So, what were trying to get," Joe asks conversationally. He makes himself at home in the chair next to the bed.
"I need a piece of paper," I reply, frowning. I don't like being too weak to get out of bed.
"What for," he asks curiously, rising. I watch him walk over to a bag by the door, curious. He glances back at me with one raised eyebrow. "Are you going to answer me?"
"Hmm," I ask, meeting his eyes blankly.
"What do you need the paper for," he asks mildly.
"Oh. I need to write down a song that's stuck in my head," I tell him absently, trying to figure out whose bag it was.
"Is it one you've heard before," he asks curiously, pulling out a notebook and a pencil.
"No," I answer thoughtfully, my attention now back on the song. "At least, I don't think so. I think it just came to me. Either that or it might have been part of my dream."
"What dream?"
"I don't remember," I reply sheepishly.
Joe chuckles as he opens the notebook. I can understand. If I was in his position, I'd probably laugh, too.
"You aren't strong enough to write it for yourself, so I'll do it," he announces calmly, sitting back in the chair. He raises his right hand to ward off any protest. "Besides, I have the light from the window in the door to help me see. You are in the shadows, so I win."
For a moment our eyes are locked in a silent battle of wills. I know he's right, though, so I concede.
"Oh, all right," I grumble moodily. "Here it is:
I'm sure that when you passed away
You must have gone to a better place
A world free from sorrow and pain
But I wish you were in my embrace
I know you're looking down at me
And you're wondering why I'm sad
After all, nothing can hurt you now
So that's not what makes me so mad
When I close my eyes I see you once again
I remember all the things we did together
It makes me wonder why you had to die
How I wish that time could've lasted forever
But time doesn't stay still for even a moment
And life propels us on the path of destiny
One day we'll be together again, I know
Until then we'll both have to wait patiently
For a time I thought about dying, too
I had no reason to go on without you
Except the others in our little family
All of whom love you as much as I do
They managed to set aside the pain
And taught me that I can't give in
You will always have a place in me
So your life could never really end
When I close my eyes I see you once again
I remember all the things we did together
It makes me wonder why you had to die
How I wish that time could've lasted forever
But time doesn't stay still for even a moment
And life propels us on the path of destiny
One day we'll be together again, I know
Until then we'll both have to wait patiently
Yes, one day we'll be together again, I know
So I'll be right here waiting patiently
I think I'll call it 'Waiting Patiently'."
We're both quiet for a few minutes. Then Joe looks at me and smiles slightly.
"That was beautiful, Matt," he informs me.
I just shrug slightly. Now that it's written I feel better somehow. "I'm going to get some sleep, Joe," I tell him as I settle myself comfortably. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Matt," he replies softly. I can hear him moving, putting everything in its place before leaving no doubt. "Pleasant dreams."
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The song I made up myself, so please don't bash it if it wasn't very good. I hope you like this part.
Midget: Hi. Most of this is in Matt's POV. I don't want to spoil it, so I won't say anything else.
Warning: There's some stuff that might be considered shounen ai, so be careful if you're really sensitive.
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.
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"Life can be funny, you know? It plays tricks on people. Makes us believe we're getting somewhere, and then takes something important away. At first I was angry at you for doing this, but I think I'm starting to understand. You're my best friend, you see, and almost losing you has made me realize what you must be feeling. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm hoping you'll pull through this. If you do, I promise not to yell at you or tell you how stupid you're being. I'd do anything to have you better, anything! Just get better, please."
*Tai, is that you? It couldn't be! Tai never sounds so lost. He always knows what he's doing and where he's going. There's just no way it could be him.* Matt felt a bit confused. This was the first time he'd ever been able to hear anything except T.K. and Angemon since he'd gotten there. Maybe it was because Angemon had finally finished talking and he'd finally finished thinking about his words. There was a lot to think about.
"The others feel the same way, you know. None of us wants to lose you. Mimi and Kari came in earlier. When they came out both were crying so hard that Sora decided to take them to our house. Don't worry, she'll calm them down."
*What?! They shouldn't be crying! They've both shed enough tears already.* He remembered all the things that had made them cry over the years. It wasn't right that they were still suffering.
"Joe visited and then headed straight for Mimi. He had a sort of helpless look on his face. It kind of worried me because I haven't seen that look in a while."
*Me either. Our time in the digiworld really boosted his confidence.* Everyone had been proud of Joe. As he'd grown older he'd become more sure of himself and his abilities. The few times he'd lapsed everyone had quickly done what they could to help him out, not wanting him to retreat back into his fearful shell.
"Davis kind of surprised me with his reaction. I mean, he never really got close to you because you were T.K.'s older brother and all. But when he came back there were tears in his eyes. When I asked him about it he just smiled painfully and sat down beside Izzy. That was strangest part since Kari was sitting several chairs away."
*Davis did what?! You've got to be kidding me! Davis doesn't sit several chairs away from Kari. Something weird is going on here.* That in itself was disturbing, but the thought that he had tears in his eyes was worse. *What have I done?*
"Sora already told you about the babies, right?"
*Huh???*
"She and I are having multiples the doctor said. We'll see. I think the guy is a nut case so I don't really believe him, but Sora does so I'm going along with it. It was my idea that we name our son, if we have a son, after T.K., but she thought it might upset you. Especially since we're going to ask you to be the baby's god father. I still think it's a great idea. That way T.K.'s name can still live on."
*I don't know.... It hurts just to think T.K.'s name. I'm not sure I could call someone else by it. But it would be nice to have his memory live on that way. Oh, boy...*
"Ken and Yolei are a perfect match. They both just sit there, slumped over, talking quietly to each other. They keep reminiscing about the years since they met T.K. and you. Just listening to them is depressing. All the good times... It just makes these times even more painful. Neither one of them notices, though."
*All the good times.... Yeah, we had some good times, didn't we? They were some of the best in my life.*
"Cody is in a class by himself. For the most part he just silently watches the rest of us. He looks kind of lost, as if he doesn't know where to go or who to turn to. None of us are much help, I'm afraid."
*Cody, the youngest of us. This must be difficult for him.* I remember the afternoon we played checkers together. It had been T.K., me, Izzy, Tai, Davis, and him. Joe would have been there, but he was studying. So the six of us had a tournament. For a while, even Davis and T.K. forgot to fight. I wish we could do that again.
"And there's the last member of our group, Izzy. I saved him for last because I wanted to warn you that he'll be coming in next. He retreated into his trance-like state after he visited you before. All this time he's been plotting something, I know it. He just sits there and mutters to himself about something or other. Who knows. So if he acts a little strange you'll know why."
*Izzy... I wonder how he's taking this. It doesn't sound like he's doing very well.* A stab of pain shot through him. Izzy had spent the last few weeks doing everything he could to help him. He must be feeling betrayed now. Who could blame him, after what he'd done? He'd broken his promise. *I bet he's mad at me now.* The thought of Izzy's anger hurt.
"Well, I'd better get going. Izzy will tear my head off if I don't. So will the doctors. Technically Izzy and I aren't supposed to get a second visit, at least not today, but what they don't know won't hurt any of us. I'm going to go get something to eat real quick. If you wake up make sure that Izzy lets me know. I'll see you around, buddy." The sound of swiftly retreating footsteps was punctuated by the opening and closing of the door.
*Tai, your mask is slipping. You can't fool me now anymore than you ever did before. I heard the tears in your voice. I wish I could help you. Something must really be wrong for them to act this way. They haven't been anything like this since we lost T.K.*
The sound the door opening and hesitant footsteps coming closer broke into his thoughts. Izzy sat down in the chair with a faint rustle. For several minutes there was complete silence.
*Izzy, is that you? What's wrong? Why aren't you talking?* It seemed like forever before he heard anything.
"Hello, Matt. I see you haven't gotten enough beauty sleep yet."
*That isn't Izzy's voice! It's much too hoarse. The only time he ever sounds like that is when he's been crying. Surely he's mad about that promise.* Matt kind of doubted it. Izzy wasn't the kind to hold something like that against him for too long. Especially not when he was like this.
"The doctor's say that you probably don't have much longer to live."
*What?! I'm strong enough to make it! It was just a few pills!* Matt paused, blinking. He had wanted to die, right? So why was he upset that the doctor said it was going to happen?
"I figured I'd tell you so you know that you only have a little longer to wait until you get what you wanted. You're body will fail and you will die."
*What I wanted... I thought that this was what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. How can I help you guys from here?* Matt felt very confused. He wanted to help his friends, but he also wanted to die. Didn't he?
"While in the waiting room I tried to come up with a way to heal the damage those pills did. I think I've figured it out, but I don't know whether I should tell anyone about it."
*Why not?!*
"I'm not sure if that's what you would want."
*Oh. I can't help you there, because I don't know either.*
"Once I figured it out I started thinking about the last three weeks. I remembered your pain and sorrow. I remembered going to your room at night and holding you when the nightmares got to be too much for you to endure."
*I remember, too. I would wake up from those horrible dreams without any idea of what had happened. All I would know was that it was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. Before, no one was there. Those times you were. You even used to sit in a chair by the bed and talk or sing if I couldn't go back to sleep.* Matt smiled slightly at the memory. There had been one night when they had a contest on who could remember the most songs in their entirety. Oddly enough, neither had won. That had been the first time he'd laughed since before T.K. got sick.
"I thought about how hard I tried to get you to start living, actually living instead of just existing. I realized that I was so busy trying to get you to do what I wanted you to, I didn't stop to think about how you might feel. I didn't even consider what might be best for you. Watching you suffer has been killing me, killing all of us. What if you live and it's only worse? I can't make you want to live, no one can. You have to choose it for yourself. If my idea works and you do pull through, will it really be better?"
*I don't know. I honestly don't know. Right now I'm not sure if I want to live or die. Different parts of me are pulling me in both directions.* The confusion inside him made things difficult to sort out.
"Life takes a certain amount of commitment and determination on our parts. If we aren't willing to accept the things fate and destiny throw at us, if we aren't determined to give it our all, then what's the point? It isn't really life that way. All it would be is a miserable existence devoid of joy because you wouldn't be looking for happiness, you'd just be suffering. I don't want to see you go through that."
*Neither do I. It's not exactly the most pleasant thought, is it?*
"So I'm going to give you a choice. I believe you're strong enough to wake up in spite of the internal damage that was done. So if you really want to live, just open your eyes."
*Well, you've just given me some good reasons to just lie here, so why should I? What is there that's worth going back for?* Even Matt recognized the slight hint of desperation in his thoughts. *Can I really be looking for a reason to live? Shouldn't I be wanting to stay with T.K. and dad?*
"Before you make you're decision I want to tell you something. Matt, you mean a great deal to me. More than you'll probably ever know. I told you all this because I want you to know I care enough about you to want what is best for you. If that means letting you go, I will. A part of me will die, but I will take the pain if it will help you. I know that one day we will meet up again and I'm willing to wait. I can't say that I'll like it, but I will. At least I'll have the comfort of knowing you will live in my heart and in the hearts of our friends, just like T.K."
*Izzy... I don't know what to think. I hadn't really considered how he or any of the others would feel if I died. I know how much it hurts to be left behind. I've felt a part of me die. Now that I think about it, I've seen the same haunted look in his, Kari's, and Cody's eyes. Cody was like another, younger brother, at times to T.K. and me. I bet if I looked now I would see it in Tai's eyes, and maybe even the others. It hurts to think about it. What was that last part? Something about T.K. and I living on in your heart? In evrybody's hearts?*
"I guess you don't want to come back. Don't worry, none of us will ever forget either of you. Save us a place up there, okay?"
*I would, but I'm not leaving yet. I can't promise that things will be better, but they can't get worse than this isolation.* Turning, I look Angemon in the eye.
"I want to go back," I announce calmly. If this wasn't such a serious matter I might have laughed at the shock in his eyes.
"Just like that," he demanded in disbelief.
"After listening to what Tai and Izzy said, yeah," I reply calmly.
Angemon looks at me strangely. "I think you've been here too long," he says slowly.
*I guess he didn't hear them. Good. It's none of his business anyways.* "Just tell me how to get back," I say out loud, frowning.
"Are you sure about this," he asks doubtfully. It's easy to see he's reluctant to go through with it.
"Let him go," T.K. answers happily, materializing beside me. I jerk back but he doesn't seem to notice as he grins at me, his eyes full of relief. "I'm glad you decided to go on living. Now we'll get a chance to be together later."
"You mean we wouldn't have before," I ask carefully.
"No," he replies blithely, unconcerned. "You wouldn't have been allowed to join the rest of us because you would have gone to a place where you would be tormented for eternity."
"In other words, he..mph." T.K. stops my words and shakes his head.
"You aren't supposed to say words like that," he scolds me sternly. I roll my eyes.
"Now, it's time to send you back," he tells me cheerfully. He and Angemon begin to glow, then I do. "Good luck, brother. I'll be waiting here for you and the others."
"As will I," Angemon calls, waving as he disappears.
There is a bright flash of light. Pain rockets throughout my body and I cry out as I lose consciousness. *Izzy...*
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"I'll be back whenever the doctor's let me in," I say softly, forcing back the tears. "We're not going to give up on you. I'm not going to give up on you just yet. you still have time to change your mind." There is no answer, not that I expected one. *Matt, please come back.*
With a heavy heart I turn away. My steps are slow as they carry me away from his bed. I can hear the sound of someone outside. *I guess I've been in here longer than it seemed.*
A strange sound causes me to go on full alert. I turn around slowly to stare at Matt with wide eyes. He looks like he hasn't moved. *Funny, I could have sworn I heard him cry out my name.*
Feeling more than a little off balance, I retrace my steps quickly. "Matt," I call softly, taking his hand in mine. "Matt, can you hear me?"
For a moment there is nothing. Disappointed, I start to lay his hand down when I feel his fingers twitch. Gasping, I squeeze his hand as gently as I can.
"Matt, are you awake," I ask excitedly.
A quiet moan comes from his lips as he squeezes my hand weakly. I almost faint with relief when I see his eyes open slightly. They're glazed, but that doesn't matter.
"Matt, I'm so glad you're awake! Wait here and I'll call the others." I carefully set his hand down and rush to the door.
A janitor is standing in the hallway, next to the door, sweeping the floor. I tap him on the shoulder and wait for him to turn around.
"Excuse me, sir. Could you do me a favor and go tell the group in the waiting room down the hall that they need to go to Matt's room right away," I ask politely. "Tell them that he finally woke up."
The janitor smiles at me. "Sure, no problem," he replies kindly.
"Thank you so much," I say gratefully. then I whirl and hurry back to Matt.
"How are you feeling," I ask happily. It's a joy just to be able to ask that. "No wait, you need to rest. Don't talk."
Wearily amused eyes look at me wryly. "I'm too tired to say much, anyways," he rasped quietly.
"And after eight full hours of sleep," I say in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. It almost seems like something is going to shatter at any moment if we aren't careful.
Matt's eyes widen. Before he can say anything the sound of footsteps can be heard pounding toward us.
"Ready to face the gang," I ask softly, moving to stand at the foot of the bed.
I grin as I watch the others burst in, led by Tai. Everyone crowds around him and starts talking at once. At the front are Kari, Mimi, and Sora. Their timing is excellent. Now everyone is here to celebrate.
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Later that night I woke up, startled. Thinking, I'm disappointed to find that I can't remember what my dream had been about. All I remember are the words that are floating around in my head. Knowing that I'll forget them if I don't write them down quickly, I try to get out of bed.
"Ahh," I cried softly, falling back down. That was a big mistake. Now my sides are killing me again and my breathing is labored.
"What is it," a soft voice asks, startling me.
Turning my head, I see Joe standing there. He hadn't been able to stay long earlier, but then, no one had.
"What are you doing here," I whisper furiously, embarrassed that he saw my failed attempt at rising.
"I came to check on you," he replies calmly, walking over. "I promised the others that I'd check on you each hour and let them know if anything happened."
"That's nice of you, but you don't have to," I tell him quietly. "I don't want you to go to any trouble for me."
"I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the others and myself," he answers calmly. "We want to be sure you're all right. Besides, I'm working tonight anyways."
I can't think of anything to say, so I just nod. After a moment his gaze becomes uncomfortable. *I wish he'd say something.*
"So, what were trying to get," Joe asks conversationally. He makes himself at home in the chair next to the bed.
"I need a piece of paper," I reply, frowning. I don't like being too weak to get out of bed.
"What for," he asks curiously, rising. I watch him walk over to a bag by the door, curious. He glances back at me with one raised eyebrow. "Are you going to answer me?"
"Hmm," I ask, meeting his eyes blankly.
"What do you need the paper for," he asks mildly.
"Oh. I need to write down a song that's stuck in my head," I tell him absently, trying to figure out whose bag it was.
"Is it one you've heard before," he asks curiously, pulling out a notebook and a pencil.
"No," I answer thoughtfully, my attention now back on the song. "At least, I don't think so. I think it just came to me. Either that or it might have been part of my dream."
"What dream?"
"I don't remember," I reply sheepishly.
Joe chuckles as he opens the notebook. I can understand. If I was in his position, I'd probably laugh, too.
"You aren't strong enough to write it for yourself, so I'll do it," he announces calmly, sitting back in the chair. He raises his right hand to ward off any protest. "Besides, I have the light from the window in the door to help me see. You are in the shadows, so I win."
For a moment our eyes are locked in a silent battle of wills. I know he's right, though, so I concede.
"Oh, all right," I grumble moodily. "Here it is:
I'm sure that when you passed away
You must have gone to a better place
A world free from sorrow and pain
But I wish you were in my embrace
I know you're looking down at me
And you're wondering why I'm sad
After all, nothing can hurt you now
So that's not what makes me so mad
When I close my eyes I see you once again
I remember all the things we did together
It makes me wonder why you had to die
How I wish that time could've lasted forever
But time doesn't stay still for even a moment
And life propels us on the path of destiny
One day we'll be together again, I know
Until then we'll both have to wait patiently
For a time I thought about dying, too
I had no reason to go on without you
Except the others in our little family
All of whom love you as much as I do
They managed to set aside the pain
And taught me that I can't give in
You will always have a place in me
So your life could never really end
When I close my eyes I see you once again
I remember all the things we did together
It makes me wonder why you had to die
How I wish that time could've lasted forever
But time doesn't stay still for even a moment
And life propels us on the path of destiny
One day we'll be together again, I know
Until then we'll both have to wait patiently
Yes, one day we'll be together again, I know
So I'll be right here waiting patiently
I think I'll call it 'Waiting Patiently'."
We're both quiet for a few minutes. Then Joe looks at me and smiles slightly.
"That was beautiful, Matt," he informs me.
I just shrug slightly. Now that it's written I feel better somehow. "I'm going to get some sleep, Joe," I tell him as I settle myself comfortably. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Matt," he replies softly. I can hear him moving, putting everything in its place before leaving no doubt. "Pleasant dreams."
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The song I made up myself, so please don't bash it if it wasn't very good. I hope you like this part.