Magical…….Who? My Life After
Part Six
By: TheMischiefMakers
A/N: Heheheheheheeh, we're back and that means Lockhart is back too with Dudley and Vernon and Petunia and some others too. Just wait and see what happens now. And yep, these characters, except Dudley and Vernon belong to You-Know-Who sorry couldn't help ourselves again well J. K. Rowling. By the way, we're beginning to think that this fic will never end; we've dubbed it "The Never-Ending Fanfic." Read, review and comments are always wanted. And now we give you Lockhart et al.
~Chapter 56~
Still no news on the event of the century happening on the other side of my door. I really wished that I dared to venture out of my room to see but I'm sure they would only tell me to get out of the way, besides I already tried and the door is locked from the outside. I really wonder what is going on outside maybe the plant napper has been caught or perhaps the serial plant killer or maybe, just maybe that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great has returned. Hmmm, I asked Dudley and Vernon if they knew what was going on but they didn't say anything. They've been getting really secretive lately so they haven't been talking to me. I wonder why. All I know is that it's really boring not having anyone to talk to. All I do is write and wait and I don't even know what I'm waiting for really. I just wish that whatever I was waiting for would happen because I'm getting really bored and I don't like to be bored, it's well, boring. It's times like these when Dudley and Vernon don't want to talk that I wished Petunia could talk, but all she does is sit there, doing nothing just like the Muggle plant she is.
~Chapter 57~
I finally got a visitor today, it was that old man with the moon-shaped glasses, he came to check up on me to make sure I was doing okay. I was just glad to finally get a visitor; it's been so long since anyone came by that I would've even been happy to see that "Ron" or Severus Snape. But, I was really glad it was the old man with the moon-shaped glasses because, you see, I had a lot of questions to ask him like: "What's been going on outside my room?" "How come no one has come to visit me?" "Why was the color I was wearing called red and not blue?" or was it blue and not red, whatever. "Why did that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great disappear when he fell out of my window?" At this last question he looked most interested so I told him the story of how my window got broken and about my visit from that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great. He listened, he was a good listener although he didn't react to the story the same way that "Ron" did and I was surprised by that. When I finished he nodded his head a faint smile on his face and he told me he would tell me later why that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great vanished. I hate that it's always later, later, later never now, now, now. Well, maybe later will come in a few hours. Anyway, we continued to talk for a while and that was when it happened. The old man with the moon-shaped glasses said that secret word, you know the one; he said it to that kid with the black box around his neck. Drat why can't I….wait! he said Lemon Drop, that was it. Lemon Drop. I remembered something with out you Dudley, ha! Sorry, about that. So he said Lemon Drop and I thought I was about to be let in on the "Big Secret" but all he did was offer me this yellow, oval shaped stone-like thingy. I looked at it a little strangely but I took it nonetheless because I didn't want to be rude even if I was disappointed by it. He smiled again and then rose to leave but I stopped him because I had yet to ask my most important question of all: "Could I have cards made with: I Am Lord Voldemort the Great. Everyone Else is Just a Fake printed on them?" He looked at me still smiling then he shook his head in a sad sort of way then he left. He left without even answering my other questions I had asked earlier all I got was I'll tell you later. Why is it always later!!!!….Dudley, Vernon what are you laughing at? Why are you…oh what's the word…drat!….Yes, mocking…why are you mocking me?
~Chapter 58~
I had yet another visitor today. It was that short, plump woman, you know the one who likes plants she came to look at Dudley and Vernon…oh and Petunia too, but she seemed especially interested in Dudley and Vernon, looking at them as if she half expected them to turn into something other then the plants that they were. I wondered for while why she was looking at them in such a way and then I discovered why, I mean it was really obvious. She was jealous. She really wanted Dudley and Vernon because I have the only two talking plants in the world and she told me so. This made me wonder for a while if she was the plant napper, but then I quickly banished the idea because I know it's either that "Ron" or Severus Snape. Anyway, I let her continue to look at Dudley and Vernon, because she seemed to really care a great deal about them. She even asked me to keep a journal of their habits for her and I plan to as soon as I find out what habit means. Anyway, the short, plump woman finally finished looking at Dudley and Vernon and then she said:
"I see Dumbledore has been here."
"Huh?"
"The Lemon Drop is his calling card."
"Yes," I said smiling, she returned my smile and then she said she would be back tomorrow with a new Muggle plant for me. I can hardly wait to see what she brings me. I bet it'll be really cool.
Then she left and I turned my attention to the Lemon Drop, she said it was his Calling Card. I wonder what that means. A Calling Card? Perhaps it's some sort of communication device like that wall earlier or maybe it's some sort of device to spy on people with. What if I was being spied on as I wrote? What if. I looked at the Lemon Drop sitting on my desk with a look of trepidation now. What if, I kept thinking to myself. Then an idea came to me…shut up Dudley I've already told you that I do get ideas sometimes…What do you mean "That's hard to believe."…ANYWAY, I decided I'd fix that Lemon Drop and whoever would be spying on me. So do you know what I did, I put the Lemon Drop in desk drawer so now they won't be able to see me, just the inside of the old dusty desk drawer. Pretty smart huh? What Vernon?…thank-you for the compliment…that was a compliment right? Oh well, who cares I've outsmarted those strange people.
Now, Dudley, Vernon can you tell me who plant napped you?…No, you still need more time. What!?! It happened ages ago…What?!? You don't remember being plant napped! How can you not remember something as traumatic as that!? We really need to talk about this.
~Chapter 59~
That short, plump woman did come back, just like she said she would and she did bring me another Muggle plant, another flour…What Vernon? F-L-O-W-E-R not F-L-O-U-R
Oh, you're right, I'm sorry. Yes a flower and it's very pretty. It's called a Lily and it looks nothing like Petunia, I think Lily is prettier then Petunia, but don't tell her I said that. Plants, even ones that don't talk can be very emotional about things. So the short, plump woman told me how to care for Lily, told me I would do a great job, then she left just as happy as when she entered. She's a strange one but I like her she seems to have a better understanding of the bond between plants and people. I'm surprised that plants don't talk to her. I wonder why. I'm so glad to have another Muggle plant to look after. I've set Lily next to Petunia on the windowsill and I think that Dudley is jealous because I've put them in his favorite spot. But, they need the sun, it makes them happy and I want them to be happy. I hope Lily likes it here. I hope her and Petunia can be friends.
~Chapter 60~
I think that the short, plump woman brought something else yesterday besides Lily. It's been flying around my room all day. It's a rather large flying bug…A fly Dudley, that's what it's called? Well, that's a stupid name for it. Anyway, this fly keeps flying right in front of me while I'm trying to write this. It's really annoying. But, more annoying then that is that buzzing sound it makes, especially when they get near your ear. I think it even bit me too. Do flies bite? I wonder if it's bad that it bit me. Will I get some dread disease or something? I hope not. Well, I have to stop writing the fly is really annoying me.
~Chapter 61~
Uh-oh, I think that Petunia and Lily don't like each other. I think that Petunia is afraid that I'm planning to get rid of her or something because I got Lily. I tried to tell her that I wasn't but if she heard me she said nothing. But, of course she doesn't talk. I keep forgetting that. I'm so use to Dudley and Vernon that I forget that Muggle plants don't talk. It's too bad; it would be nice to know what Petunia it thinking right now. Well, I better go take care of them. Yes, that fly is still here.
~Chapter 62~
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! That Bug!….yes, the Fly….keeps zooming right in front of me. It just won't seem to stop. It seems bent on keeping me from writing. I didn't know these bugs could be so troublesome. Anyway, it's doing a good job of keeping me from writing. GET…OUT!!!!!
~Chapter 63~
Well, I'm still here-but that fly isn't. Hehehehe. Let me tell you the story. It will shock and amaze you. What happened shocked and amazed me. Here follows the story of The Fly and Me:
I was sitting here writing like I always do; only I hadn't been able to because of that stupid fly. Anyway, that stupid fly kept on flying in front of me like it had been for the last two days. It also kept making that annoying buzzing sound. All it did was fly and buzz and fly and buzz so finally I decided I was going to take care of the bug. But, how? It was after the fifth time it past me that I resolved I was going to get the fly the next time it passed by. (Hey, that rhymed. I rhymed again.) Anyway, I also had decided how I was going to take care of the little bugger (heheheh) Anyway, I went back to writing again, but not really because you see I had developed a plan to get rid of the fly and my plan hinged on writing or rather acting like I was writing. This "writing" was just a ploy to get the fly to fly by and fly by it did. I slowly moved my hands to the edges of my book and WHAM! I shut the book on the fly. HA! I exclaimed as I heard the familiar squishing sound. I reopened my book because I had to continue writing and yes I wanted to see my fly splat. I know it's gross but hey what can I say. Now, here is the part that will shock and amaze you. I opened my book and was appalled to see that the splat I had wasn't fly splat at all. On the page was a small, bluish person with pointy features and wings.
Isn't that amazing. Just wait the best is yet to come.
I had never seen anything like that before and for some reason I found that I was afraid of this strange, splatted creature. I also, for reasons unknown to me, knew it was called a Rock Cornish Hen…What Dudley…? Cornish Pixie? Really? Anyway, this one was pressed flat into the pages of my book. I studied it for a while, making sure not to get too close. It was fascinating to look at. Then do you know what happened? The Pixie Splat began to move and soon it wasn't Pixie Splat anymore but a real pixie. This caught me off guard, wouldn't it have caught you off guard. I mean it was just Splat and now it wasn't. It had been dead but it was now alive. Before I had a chance to move away from it it shot off the page, poked me in the eye with it's pointy little finger, shouted something that I won't repeat here and then it flew off, straight for the window. My new window was soon broken again and Lily and Petunia were on the floor amid loads of glass.
Then the screaming started. It was Vernon screaming at the top of his lungs because of his fear of heights, which I don't understand because he was no where near the window and if anyone should've been screaming it would've been Lily, Petunia and I. And that was that. The Cornish Pixie flew out of the window as if nothing had happened to it. Now, that's Strange with a capitol S. Wasn't that whole thing just shocking and amazing. I thought it was too.
Well, I have to repot Petunia and Lily now. Vernon don't scream so, I'll have someone come and fix the window again. Hey, I wonder if that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great will come back again. Geez, Vernon and Dudley just fainted again. Well at least it's quiet now. I hope that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great comes, I'll be sure to give him one of my cards I just made myself, so he knows whom the real Lord Voldemort the Great is. He'll be so surprised. I can't wait.
~Chapter 64~
That Fake Lord Voldemort the Great never showed up last night at all. I even waited for him at the window. I felt sure that the broken window would bring him back sort of like a moth to a flame sort of thing. But, I guess it'll take more then a broken window to bring that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great back. Perhaps the old man with the moon shaped glasses knows a way to get that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great to come back. Maybe I'll ask him. Better yet I'll ask that "Ron" and watch him faint again. Hehehehe. Anyway, I'm really disappointed in that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great I had everything ready for him. I was waiting at the open window to give him a warm welcome and to give him one of my cards and he didn't show up. I guess he must be scared of me. He should be.
I AM LORD VOLDEMORT THE GREAT! EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST A FAKE!!
Vernon is still screaming because no one had fixed the window yet. I've been telling him someone will fix it soon, I mean after all it's only been a few hours since it happened. However, I hope someone comes by soon, because at the rate Vernon is screaming he could very well bring the plant napper and serial plant killer down on us.
~Chapter 65~
I gave out my first card today. Although, I had really hoped the first would go to that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great. But, I found an even better person…that "Ron." I don't even really know why he came by because after I gave him the card he paled, then turned right around and went back out the door. I wonder if he fainted once he was on the other side. I didn't hear any dead weight fall against my door after he left so I guess he didn't. Now, that he's gone though I really wonder what it was he wanted. I mean that "Ron" doesn't usually come by himself. Oh well, I guess if it was important he'll come back and tell me.
Dudley could you please try to keep Vernon calmed down more, his screams are driving me crazy…Thank-you Dudley.
~Chapter 66~
I was thinking about that "Ron" and yesterday and I had to kick myself, well not really because that would be impossible to do, but I would've kicked myself if it was possible because it was really stupid of me to give him one of those cards. You know why it was really stupid, because I bet he was going to tell me about the commotion outside my room the other day or perhaps tell me that they had caught the plant napper and serial plant killer or maybe, just maybe he was coming to confess his guilt as being the one to cause all this pain to the plant world. How could I have been so stupid…What Dudley? Hey that wasn't a very nice thing to say, "You couldn't be anymore stupid." That's down right rude to say even. I'm beginning to not like your attitude towards me…What!? You don't care because you like your attitude. What's come over you? Why has Vernon been so quiet?… WHAT!?!?… You'll never tell… Tell what?… Where is Vernon?…WHO'S VERNON!?…WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHO'S VERNON?!?!… Vernon!!!!! Vernon!!!! VERNON!!!!!!!!!!!
~Chapter 67~
I found Vernon, all I had to do was follow his muffled cries of fear. Somehow, Dudley had put him under my bed with a blanket over him. I'm surprised nothing happened to Vernon under the bed because I'm not sure what's under it. Anything could've happened to him. But, it didn't and he's safe.
I'm not sure what's going on with Dudley. His behavior is really disturbing. Last night I heard him laughing…oh what's the word…Maniacally yes, thank-you Vernon. It was really creepy. In fact Dudley is doing it now….SHUT-UP DUDLEY!!! Now, that was really rude Dudley. I mean really really rude. I think that Dudley might need psychological help. I wonder if there's a plant psychiatrist here. I'll have to ask.
WOULD YOU QUIT WITH THE MINAICAL LAUGHTER!!!!
Wait! What if Dudley has been…oh what's the word…yes possessed thanks Vernon by that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great's spirit or something. Even if he is Fake he could be trying to somehow get my powers or something like that. I hope that this is not the case. I hope it's just a phase he's going through. But, what if it's not? What do you do when good plants go bad?
Yep, still more to come……