Magical……Who? My Life After
Part Seven
By: TheMischiefMakers
A/N: Well, we're back yet again with more Lockhart. Hmmm, we've noticed a fair amount of Lockhart related fic recently. Did we start something? Anyway, here's more of Magical…Who? You get to find out about the "big secret" in this section. Read, enjoy and please, please, please review. We Love reviews. Well here goes…
~Chapter 68~
Still no news on the commotion outside my door. I wish I knew what it was though. It might help me to figure out what's wrong with Dudley. SHUT UP DUDLEY!! That maniacal laughing is REALLY starting to get annoying! See what I mean? Dudley has been laughing like that for three hours straight and Vernon has yet to stop screaming with his height problem. What Dudley? Now that really really wasn't a polite thing to say about Vernon. What do you mean you don't care if it was polite or not? What's gotten into you lately, Dudley? What? No, I will not bow to you! What's going on with you anyway? You want to…what. No! You leave Petunia and Lily out of this, they're just Muggle plants… All Mudbloods and Muggles are useless to you plan? What plan…? Your plan to take over the world?! Now hold it just one minuet Dudley…!
~Chapter 69~
Sorry I had to stop writing but you see Dudley did something very odd even for a magical talking plant. He tried to and did knock me down and then he tried to strangle me! I'm very worried about him and I'm not exactly sure what's going on with him. He's been acting… oh what's the word for it… Off… off… Yes, off color-thank you Vernon. Anyway, he's been acting off color for days, ever since that Fake Lord Voldemort fell out my window and disappeared. Ummm…. I wonder if there's connection… Anyway, I've set Dudley in "his" window again, even though it's still not fixed yet.
I'm mad about that too! You see that old man with the moon shaped glasses came to see me again. He wanted to know whether I had seen that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great anywhere around. Well, I hadn't and I told him so and then I asked if someone would come and fix my window again because Vernon's screams were beginning to drive me crazy. He asked what happened so I told him the story of "Me and the Pixie Splat". He thought it was funny, at least I think he did, because he smirked. Then he said those two words again-LEMON DROP. Well, I told him that I didn't like lemon drops. He shrugged and then said that he wasn't sure when he could get someone in to fix the window because well… Now how did he put it…? Oh yeah, they were having trouble with the Muggle's or maybe it was the Muggle world. What's that Vernon? Oh I'm sorry… they were having problems with the Muggle world. I wondered what he meant and so I asked him but he wouldn't tell me. What Dudley…? Now wait just a minuet I may be… No Dudley, I'm not stupid! What?! Now really Dudley! There's no cause to act like that! You don't care! Well, I don't care for your attitude! What? You don't care if I don't care!…
~Chapter 69~
That giant, hairy man was here to see me today. I've only seen him from a distance and I thought he was huge then. Well, he's really really huge up close. He almost didn't fit in my room. He wanted to see how I was doing. Everyone is so concerned about my well being which is more than I can say for certain ivy plants I could mention. I told him that I was feeling just fine and the giant hairy man seemed happy with that. I was so desperate for news that I was glad for a visitor- I would have been glad to see that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great or that "Ron" even. I asked the giant, hairy man if he knew what the "Big Secret" was and why there was still quite a lot of commotion around not just my door but outside too? At first he wouldn't tell me. Instead he told me all about his pumpkins, his class that he taught, his hippogriffs and the dragon he had gotten a few years back.
"Dragon… You had a dragon?" I asked, forgetting all about my questions for a few moments.
"Yeh, I di'," he said.
Then he proceeded to tell me all about Norbert who was a type of dragon called a… a…Oh what are the words he used… Norwegian Ridgeback-thanks Vernon, your so helpful. Much better then that old piece of IVY. Dudley stop tormenting Petunia and Lily this minuet or I'll… You're not afraid of me!!! You'd better start behaving or I'll… What do you mean I can't do anything…
Sorry I had to stop writing for a moment to take care of Dudley. Anyway, when the giant, hairy man had finished his story, he rubbed his eyes on a dirty hanky. I asked him if he missed Norbert and he said yes but that Norbert was probably happier with other dragons. He sniffled for a while and when he was done I asked him if he would like another dragon to keep. His eyes got wide and he looked tempted but then he paled and said he didn't think so. I shrugged. Then I asked him to please tell me what's going on.
"Nobody tells me anything. I promise I won't tell anyone that you've told me. I'll probably forget it anyway."
So he told me the whole story. Apparently, some Muggle reporter broke through the charm that protects the magic world and saw things that he took pictures of and talked to wizards who didn't know who he was. Then he wrote the whole story down and everyone who read it believed it. Imagine!
"Now the Muggles know about us and a right sorry mess it is too!"
No one knows how the Muggle got in or how the spell was broken. At least that's what the giant, hairy man said before he left. I wonder how they did it? Muggles! Sometime they're too smart for they're own good. Hey Dudley… Vernon… What do you think. What do you mean you don't care Dudley!? You've been acting stranger and stranger lately. You really need help. I wonder if there are any plant psychiatrists.
~Chapter 70~
This strange Muggle contraption flew right over my tower early this morning. Extremely early this morning in fact. I'll bet they where snapping away with those black boxes that all Muggles seem to have. Anyway the contraption scared Vernon to death and knocked Dudley right out the open window. It was called an… an… airplane. Thank you Vernon. The oddest thing about the whole thing is that when Dudley fell out of the window he disappeared just like that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great! I wonder where they both went? Are they in the same place or did they go two separate places…? Hey Vernon.
~Chapter 71~
Well, here I am just waiting and waiting again. That Fake Lord Voldemort the Great hasn't come back and neither has Dudley. I thought maybe if one came back that perhaps the other would follow, but I guess I was wrong. Of course as neither of them has come back I guess I'm not really wrong. Anyway, I wonder where they've gone. Maybe they've gone to that place…you know what place…no Vernon not There, honestly. I mean the other place, the place were lost things go when they get, well lost. You know the place were all your favorite toys disappear to.
I wonder how your stuff can just vanish like that. Is there a person somewhere poised over a button just waiting for you to get that one toy, book, or other so badly wanted item so they can just take it away from you with a push of their large black button of doom.
One minuet you're stuff is there they next WHAM it's gone to that deep, dark, black void of nothingness where it just stays and stays suspended in time, never to return to you. The large and never-ending bottomless pit of darkness and despair. The dreadful black hole of never-ending darkness. That place is so vile that even the vilest of creatures would never go there! That place is so dark and bleak that most things never make it back…!
What Vernon I'm scaring you? I'm scaring myself too. I hope I never get lost…Wait a minuet maybe that's where my memory is. Maybe when…if Dudley returns he'll have it for me…of course if the "Lost Place" is as I've described it then there is no hope for that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great, Dudley or my memory.
This is dreadful. Oh, Dudley you're a resourceful plant. You'll find a way out. When you do I sure hope you come back as your normal self and not as you have been.
~Chapter 72~
Guess what?!?
No before you ask that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great and Dudley have not returned yet. But, I did get my window fixed, again. Vernon is soooooooooooo happy and to tell you the truth I think I'm a little more happy then he is. I was really being driven crazy by Vernon's screams compounded by Dudley's maniacal laughter. I'm not even sure which was worse.
Anyway, they decided to fix my window because of this problem with the Muggles. They were afraid that somehow that Muggle reporter would be able to sneak into my room just as he had snuck into…oh what's that place called…no Vernon not the "Lost Place" …the other place…Oh Drat…D, yes it began with a D…Di…Dia…Diagon Alley…yes, that was the place thanks Vernon. Somehow that Muggle reporter had gotten into this place. I'm not sure how as Diagon Alley is supposed to be Muggle proof. So much for that theory.
~Chapter 73~
I really miss Dudley. Speaking of plants did I tell you that Petunia and Lily have taken to sitting as far away from each other as possible. They don't like each other very much I guess. I wish they could talk, since they are Muggle plants it would be interesting to see what they would think about this whole affair. I bet they wouldn't even care, they would just sit there and yell back and forth at each other and drive me crazy. Perhaps it's good that they can't talk.
Anyway, I've not found anything else out yet. I wish that someone with news would visit me. More importantly I wish they would tell me the whole story so I knew exactly what was going on. I hate being in the dark about these sort of things. It's frightening.
What Vernon…? Can you sit in Dudley's spot? Sure but you have to promises me that you won't go crazy or decide to jump, okay.
~Chapter 74~
Well, Vernon is in Dudley's window, Lily and Petunia are on opposite sides of the room and I'm in the middle writing about it all. Exciting huh? Vernon has been really quiet since I put him in that spot, I sure hope that this silence is one of thinking and not the beginnings of a mental problem like Dudley started to have. Vernon are you okay…? What? You're just thinking. Good. I'll leave you alone now with you're thoughts. Plants can be really deep thinkers when they want to be.
~Chapter 75~
Great News!!! No Dudley and that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great have not come back nor has my memory returned, although that would be great news indeed. I had a visitor today. Not just any visitor either. A new one. A person I had never seen before. A new face. A new…there I go again wandering off the topic geez I wish I could stop that…Anyway this new visitor was a person I had never seen before which is the reason why he was a new visitor. Of course he's not new to me anymore because…ugh I need to stick to the story gosh I really need Dudley he kept me on task.
This visitor was a very plain looking man. There was really nothing outstanding about him. Not like the kid with the scar or the old man with moon-shaped glasses, now those are distinguishing marks. This man didn't have a distinguishing mark of any sort. He wore a bowler hat though which is kind of strange around here as all the other people wear pointed hats so I guess that bowler hat was his distinguishing mark.
His name was Caramel Fudge and he came…What Vernon…? Cornelius Fudge was his name are you sure…? Okay, anyway bowler hat man came and talked to me for a very long time. It took me a very long time to try and figure out what he was talking to me about then he asked me:
"What do you know about the Muggle problem?"
He said it like he suspected I had something to do with it all. I don't know why he would think that because I never leave my room, well except for the brief time I was gone looking for Dudley…Dudley I hope you're okay. Anyway, I told him I didn't have anything to do with it. He nodded but he sure didn't look convinced of my innocence in the Muggle problem. Of course what could I do way up here in a tower. I mean really.
He muttered something about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named being in on this too. Then he asked me if this He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had ever visited me. I told him no but that I did have a Fake Lord Voldemort the Great come through my broken window about two weeks ago and that I was waiting for his return and for Dudley to come back with him. At this pronouncement bowler hat man went really pale almost as pale as that "Ron" but he recovered from it quickly and asked me to tell him all I knew.
I didn't tell him all I knew because that would take too much time so I told him about that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great and all that happened but I don't think he believed that that Fake Lord Voldemort the Great vanished because he started to look around the room a look of fear on his face. He mumbled something that I didn't catch and then he left before I had a chance to give him one of my cards. Too bad to. He left in such a preoccupied state that he left his newspaper here.
It's call the Daily Prophet and all the stories are about this Muggle reporter and the breech of security he caused by passing into this world. Apparently the situation is much worse then I thought at first because you see now the governments are involved. You know things are bad when the government starts to get involved. Bowler hat man had to send letters by owl to every government official around the world including the President of the United States and our own Prime Minister. Muggles scare me, just look at the picture of this guy you can tell he's up to no good.
I wonder if the old man with moon-shaped glasses can fix it. I sure hope so. If only we could go back in time and fix it. If only we could turn back time.
~Chapter 75~
If I told you what happened after bowler hat man left you wouldn't ever believe me. I hardly believe myself. Let's just say that it involved the old man with the moon shaped glasses, the brown haired girl with cooties and an hourglass. Don't ask me how it was done because I don't really understand it. All I know is that we did turn back time and fix the Muggle problem. I can't write anymore now because I'm too tired. Maybe someday I'll tell you the story of Gild… oops. I mean the story of Lord Voldemort the Great (and everyone else is just a fake) and the Time Turner. But not now.