Fidelius Betrayed
Part Five: Old Memories
By: WeasleyTwin2
I will find the answer
I'll never desert you
I promise you this
Till the day that I die
From the musical: Jekyll and Hyde
Will I want, will I wish
For all the things I should have done
Longin' to finish
What I only jes' begun?
How Glory Goes
From the musical Floyd Collins
Finally I arrived on the outskirts of Hogsmead near nightfall. In dog form, I hid in the woods that separated the village from Hogwarts proper. These woods were nominally a part of the Forbidden Forest but a high brick wall separated this forest from the Forest around the school grounds. I sat panting with my tongue lolling out, looking around with interest. This place was as familiar to me as my cell in Azkaban was but the smells here were the clean freshness of life not the smell of decay and death that hung over Azkaban Hope began to grow in my heart by just being free and in this place again. I, or maybe I should say we, had been here many times in our student days. If I looked up above me I would be able to see four sets of initials: R.M.L., P.W.P., S.P.B. and J.P.P. We had carved these initials into this wall in our final year, when the threat of Voldemort had begun to grow greater. We had all sworn an oath to always remain friends no matter what happened, no matter what darkness fell and to meet once a year on this very spot if we ever parted. The date had been fixed as Halloween night and for several years after we had meet here on that night but as Voldemort grew in power, and the danger increased we stopped meeting all together. A crack appeared in the armor of our friendship and it was through this that Voldemort was at last able to force us apart. We were supposed to have been inseperatable and invincible as long as we stood together. Four friends who stood against the evil of the world around us. But we had grown apart, had become distrustful of one another. Voldemort's darkness had forever broken up the "Mischief Makers of Hogwarts". His shadow had engulfed us, turned us against one another, and when his shadow was lifted on that October night it left one of us dead, one of us imprisoned, one of us in hiding and one of us devoid of friends. I lay there and wondered where we had gone wrong and what event had been the key to our downfall? Why had it been so easy for Voldemort to slip in and destroy everything in our lives? If I could turn back the hands of time, if I could change one event it would be that I remain Secret Keeper. This might have been the event that had led us all into darkness, which shattered our friendship, which had once seemed so strong.
I transformed back into a man, tears standing in my eyes, and reached out to touch the initials in the wall, putting faces with each though it had been years since I had seen any of my friends. I knew James was the last of us to come here and that had been mere hours before Voldemort had ended his life. I remember that night with a clarity that surprised me. He had asked me to go with him but I had refused to come because I sensed danger nearby. I knew Voldemort and his followers were searching for James and that the use of the Fedelius Charm would not protect him if he was not in the cottage in Godric's Hollow The night was full of the tension that comes when something bad is afoot I let him go alone, knowing full well that none of the others would be there. I tried to tell him this but he insisted on going anyway, though I tried to warn him of the danger. It was a matter of honor to him. Standing here twelve long years after the event that took his life and ruined my own I wished I had come with him then. I would have had a chance to talk to him one last time and would now carry the memory of our last conversation as friends. Instead I had pushed him away in anger and the friendship that had bound us together became strained. Voldemort's continued attacks were to blame for the tension but it was my actions or lack of them that had strained out friendship to nearly the breaking point.
Instead of remembering laughter as a part of our final conversation, I remembered only angry, bitter words that I should never have directed toward James. I was so afraid for them and so angry at James apparent lack of concern for the danger that I had lashed out without thinking and had hurt my best friend. I also remember the look of fear and pain that was reflected in his silvery gray eyes. I had pushed him away and was never given the chance to apologize to him and for that I was deeply sorry. I lashed out in anger and he died never knowing that he was not the source of the anger, never knowing that I had misdirected my angry at my inability to face Voldemort toward him. As I stood on the spot he had probably stood on that night twelve years ago and looked at the initials we had carved there in our youth, I wondered what James had thought that night standing here alone. Did he know that he would die? Did he know Peter would betray us all? Did he know that our friendship would be severed forever in one 24 hour period? Did he realize that our lives would be shattered and that we would scatter like so many fallen leaves? I had no way of knowing what he had thought at that moment any more then I could know what he'd thought moments before he died but that didn't keep me from wondering.
Standing in the clearing where we had made so many plans and dreamed so many dreams, I could still feel them standing beside me. It was as if having one of us return to this sacred childhood spot called forth the spirits of the other three. I knew we were forever bound together by our oath even though that oath had been more fragile then any of us had realized and had been easily shattered by Voldemort's lies and deceptions. If I looked carefully, I knew I would see the remaining visages of the spell that was a part of the oath of brotherhood, radiating in lines from this clearing to each one of us, holding us together for all time in a bond that not even death and betrayal could break. I hadn't the strength to look, however. My power was still so weak and nearly useless without a wand.
I was running my hand over the carving in the brick again, tracing the letters with my fingers, when I remembered that we had each left a memento behind at the time we carved the initials. The brick with our initials on it was covering a hollow space in the wall and we had made the brick appear solid. Only the four of us knew the password to open it: Gryffindor's Heir. The first part of the password made sense as we were all in Gryffindor but when I asked James about the second part, he just flashed that quick grin of his but he didn't reply.
With this memory in mind, I quietly said the password with my hand over my own initials. I felt a small stirring of power and I felt the block move under my hand, revealing the small hollow space. Not for the first time, I wished for my wand to light the gloomy shadowy hole in the wall. Instead, I stuck my hand into it and hoped there were no snakes hiding in there, as I hated them. My hand encountered some dirt, then a roll of something covered in leather, then several small objects and then a small piece of paper. Moonlight pierced the clearing and I was able to see the objects with the aid of the full moon.
I started with the last piece of paper first and my mind drifted back years, to the time of sunlight before the darkness, which had separated, us forever fell. It was a photograph. Four grinning boys waved energetically at me, their eyes twinkling merrily. One boy was making rabbit ears behind a second. The second was doing the same with the third and the third with the fourth. Each one looked down the line and began to laugh. Soon they were all laughing so hard they could barely stand up. They fell to the ground in a heap still laughing, their eyes twinkling merrily. The lake behind them shimmered in the sunlight. The four boys tried to stop laughing but ever time they had almost got their laughter under control, one of them would look at another one the laughter would start all over again. Finally, in desperation, they all got up and ran in four separate directions, racing off the picture entirely.
I smiled and would have laughed too but I knew that danger still stalked me and so I merely smiled the first true smile I had in ages. As I watched, slowly one by one they all crept back into the picture, smiles still playing across their mouths and their eyes still twinkling and full of good-natured humor. They waved at me again and then went to sit down by the lake. They were now talking animatedly about something but I was unable to figure out what. The four boys were Remus, Peter, James and I. Seeing the four of us together and happy as we had been in the past was almost depressing. Four friends, who had remained inseparable in youth, had been forever separated by the shadow that had been cast over our lives. It was a hard fact, as indelible and unmoving as Azkaban itself, we would never be as we once were-never be carefree and innocent again. The battle against Voldemort had changed us and we'd had to grow up faster then other children had. Our oath now could never be mended, nor our friendship restored to what it had been at the time this picture was taken. Too much had changed. Peter's betrayal weighed heavily on all of us but most heavily on me. It had taken everything from me and left me to rot in prison for a crime I had not committed. Everything I was had died the night they were killed and I could no longer recognize myself as the boy in the picture I now held. None of us were what we'd once been. The shadow that had been cast over our lives had seen to that, had separated us forever, had twisted our friendship until it weakened and snapped. That shadow was Voldemort.
I shook my head as I put the photo down and picked the roll of leather. I untied the twine hold it closed and began to unroll it. More pictures fell out and I gathered them from the pile of damp leaves they had fallen on and laid them aside, intending to look at them later. With a start, I recognized the other items in the in the roll: they were mementos of our years at Hogwarts…cuttings from the Daily Prophet and also several pieces of parchment that had begun to yellow. Each parchment roll was tied with a string and sealed with wax seals that depicted a wolf, rat, dog and stag. These pieces of parchment were the pledge we had made to one another and the lists of things we'd hoped to accomplish in our lives and also things we would leave to the students coming after us.
Tears threatened to spill as I examined the top roll of parchment marked with a stag. I remembered how carefree and happy we'd all been on the day we'd placed these things in the secret compartment of the wall, promising to remain loyal to one another. I saw the memory through a hazy mist. The clearing before me blurred as the memory took hold of me and I saw the four of us together again as friends. I shook my head to clear it of the memories and turned my attention to the rolls of parchment in my hands. I sat on the ground and looked at James's roll, thinking how much I missed him. I broke the seal solemnly and carefully. My eyes misted over again but I knew I had to read what he'd written so long ago. I had to know what he'd been thinking about that day.
I, James Potter aka Prongs, do leave and bequeath the following to the underclassmen of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardary:
- My abilities on the Quidditch Field to all whom play my position.
- The House Cup and the Quidditch Cup to all future Gryffindor's
- My school and House spirit to ever Gryffindor that passes through the portrait hole.
- My Transfiguration marks to Nessa Longbottem so that she might pass the class next term
- My Head Boy badge to the next in line
- A portion of my bravery to those who must face the coming tide of Darkness
Done this Day
June 24 1976
James Potter
He had signed it with his usual flourish and in ink that kept changing colors that flashed as the moon's light hit the parchment. It continued on another piece, which I drew out to read:
Here follows the hope and dreams of James Potter:
- To marry my one true love. Lily and to raise our children to love the Light and to forever fight the Dark
- To fight Voldemort's evil where-ever it occurs, no matter how far or how long it takes
- To protect my remaining family from his threats and his evil intentions at all cost and hazard
- To protect my friend and those I love from his attacks even if this costs my life
- To keep Sirius out of trouble (grins)
I laughed at this last one and smiled, as I'm sure he knew I would. There was still a third piece of paper covered in James hand and a fourth page as well that looked newer then the rest. I pulled out the third page, scanned it and was surprised at what I saw written there.
Last night, the night before we Mischief Makers make our pledge, I had a very vivid dream. I dreamt that I was married to Lily and that we had a small son. We were living in a small cottage near a forest and were well loved by all who knew us. We were extremely happy and then darkness overshadowed our happiness. I saw it rise to engulf us, cutting us off from all the world. There was a flash of light, great pain and cries. There was a hissing, mocking voice and hoarse cries. A baby..our baby cried from somewhere nearby but I couldn't find him or Lily. Then there was a bright white light laced with gold… then darkness receded and a baby's cries were heard again…then more darkness and then I woke up. I wonder what it means? Is it a premonition of the future? I have no one that I can ask and I have never been good at divining the meanings of dreams but I have had this dream before. Every time I have had this dream some things within it change I wonder…
James had paused in his writing but never finished his thought. I began to wonder if he ever learned or was able to discover the meaning of the dream. Looking back with the advantage of hindsight, I knew exactly what it meant but had he ever been able to.
"Probably not," I thought as tears ran down my cheeks and I turned to the last page.
I could tell that this was written more recently then any of the others but the date on the parchment gave me a moment's pause…it read October 31, 1981. He'd written this on the night he had died and in a great hurry judging by the scrawl that the writing had become. This note must have been the reason he'd been so insistent about coming to our clearing on that night, even though he knew the danger. He must have had an idea that something was up. Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes and the words ran together for a moment. I rubbed my eyes and tried not to read the paper in my hand but my eyes felt drawn to the words, shimmering in scarlet, on the page as a moth is drawn to a flame.
Voldemort will be coming for us soon just as the Prophecy has said he would…someone has betrayed us and there is very little time left. I only hope that you will use common sense and stay well away from it, Sirius and above all do not blame yourself for our deaths. There is nothing that you or I or anyone can do to stop what must be… we all knew this day would come...I hope you remember that you must care for Harry should anything happen to us. You made a promise to us and I'm holding you to it, Padfoot old friend. I f you are reading this now it is because we are no more and cannot speak to you in person and because, through our last spell, Harry still lives. There is another note within this wall that I…we ask you to be sure Harry gets when he is old enough to understand. It will explain everything about tonight. We have sent Dumbledore a copy also so that if one is lost another will still exist. Please make sure Harry knows that we loved him…and that we would never have left him of our own free will. We will always be in his heart even if we cannot be there physically. Let him know this. We will never be far and if he ever needs us, he has only to call and we will be there at his side. Tell him that he was never to blame for our deaths no matter what Voldemort might tell him. This final parting is so hard…I cannot believe that we will see each other no more after this night. I'm sorry that you didn't want to come with me on this journey for there was much that I wanted to tell you but I understand why you refused and maybe it's better this way. Please forgive me for any wrongs that I have done you in the past and know that I forgive you also. I know you will cone out of this time much stronger then before. Please take what I've said here to heart and try not to dwell on us too much. Fate has divided us but we're still together as long as one of us survives. We will never be far from you.
James and Lily Potter
I rolled the parchment up without paying attention to what I was doing. My eyes stared off into distant space but I couldn't tell you what I was seeing. I was lost in memories of the past and cared little about the noises around me or that I could be set upon by dementors at any moment. I stood for several minutes in silence as the memories of a happier time washed over me. I allowed myself to get lost in them for a moment not wanting to return to the present. I was smiling and yet tears were making silver tracks down my face. Finally, I forced my mind to return to the present and wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my tattered sleeve. I noticed that I was clutching the roll of parchment tightly in my hand and I unrolled it again wanting to see what else it contained.
The next two pieces were in my own hand and I smiled remembering that I had not taken this ceremony as seriously as the others had. I was always the prankster and I remained so even long after leaving school.
I, Sirius Black aka Padfoot, do leave and bequeath the following to those who come after:
1. The Marauder's Map to all future Hogwarts pranksters
2. A box of Fillibuster Fireworks that I have hidden somewhere in Gryffindor Tower to the same
3. All my cunning to the Weasley family
4. My good grades to John and Seamus
5. My bad and horrible humor to anyone who wants to claim them.
By my hand and done this
Day…
Sirius Black, the Grim
Things I want or hope to do with my life:
1. Find a way to improve Dungbombs
2. Invent a new unique flavor of Every Flavor Bean
3. Save the world …using Fillibuster Fireworks
4. Maybe settle down (Grins) No way!
5. Try and see how many Fireworks can be fed to…James …just kidding
6. Keep a smile on my face and laughter in my heart no matter what happens
7. Make everyone's life a happy one , to cheer them up when asked and to be the best friend possible to everyone
The others believed that I was taking Voldemort threat too lightly but I was not. I had been merely trying to defuse some of the tension in the air that day. Voldemort was on all of our minds that day; indeed he was on everyone's minds. I thought about him constantly and was so sure that the others were thinking of him too that I wanted to prove that I wasn't worried or even scared by him. The truth was I was not so much scared for myself as I was for the others. Voldemort could divide us forever and I feared for all of them. If I had known then maybe…
"Stop it…" I told myself. "What happened was not your fault."
The moon's light was being to wane and I could no longer read the words on the parchment in front of me. I rolled all the pieces of parchment up into its leather case to read later and went to sleep, thinking of old memories. I had strange dreams that night, dreams were we four stood together once more but I only was able to remember one of them. At least I thought it was us. We were standing together in a room that could only have been in the Shrieking Shack. The four of us stood talking and we were all young again but for some reason, James looked younger still. There was something different about him but I couldn't place what. There were also two other people in the room; a flame haired boy and a brown haired girl. They both looked extremely frightened and the boy's leg stuck out at a strange angle.
The dream faded and I woke up to the sound of birds chirping in the nearby trees. The sun was shining brightly nearly right over my head and there were no clouds in the sky. My spirits began to rise and hope filled my heart for I was still free. I had made it this far and I began to feel as if I was capable of anything. I was just about to leave when I remembered the papers and the letter that James had mentioned. I walked back to the secret compartment and stuck my hand in again and pulled out an envelope addressed to Harry Potter that I had failed to notice the previous night. The handwriting was James'. In that moment I decided to take all of the papers with me to look at later. If I survived I would be coming back her again and if I didn't I would leave them for Harry to find. Harry would have the letter from his father though even if he found nothing else. I put the brick back in place over the compartment and muttered the password and it sealed itself up again. Moving away from our clearing I followed the wall until I reached small side door that only the four of us had known about. I muttered another password "Golden Snitch" and the door opened revealing a wild patch of forest and a path that was now covered in a vast tangle of undergrowth. I would hide here for the time being. No one had come here so there was little chance that I would be discovered.
The forests shadowy embrace covered and I was glad for the cover, which would mask my presence here. I knew that the Hogwarts express had not yet arrived at Hogsmeade Station so there were no students yet but still I wanted to see them as they entered the castle that had once been a home to me. A longing to return to those days before the darkness fell overwhelmed me. I wanted to see Hogwarts again even if I never entered its walls again. I began to walk toward where I knew the castle to be, following a path that I knew as well as the secret passages of the castle. I got closer and suddenly felt cold and clammy as I realized too late that there were dementors on guard. I felt them as they moved passed me somewhere quite close by. I shivered and tried to drive them off even though I could not see them. My mind felt as if it was engulfed in a swirling fog and memories of the night my friends had died assailed me. I longed, more then anything, at that moment to flee this place, to put as much distance as I could between the dementors and myself but my quest prevented that. To my horror, I continued to move forward, the longing to see the school and to maybe catch sight of Harry again overwhelmed my fear of the dementors.
Quite suddenly, I found myself nearly running through the forest still in my dog form. I leapt a small stream, passed through several clearings startling deer and, once, a unicorn, which glowed with a silver light. Soon the trees before me thinned and then parted to reveal a many turreted castle before me. My eyes wandered over its familiar surface. It looked no different then the last time I had seen it though they may have magically added onto the building since I'd left it. My eyes came to rest on the tower, which held my old school house: Gryffindor. It rose taller then I remembered it and I briefly wondered how many students now attended Hogwarts. In my day there were very few but, the again, Voldemort had been on the rise then, as he had not been in the last 12 years. I shivered remembering that time of fear and worry, glad that Harry had not had to live with that kind of fear yet knowing that this peace could end if he were to rise again. I could feel dark magic stirring again. He was on the move once more and I could feel it in my soul. His will sends ripples in the magic current that anyone who is sensitive enough to them can feel. The most sensitive in the wizarding world is of course Harry. The lightning scar warns him of Voldemort because it is of Voldemort. It is his mark and the way he keeps an eye on everyone and everything, especially Harry. I shivered again wondering how much Harry knew about that night…about what was expected of him…of who he truly was…
I tried to turn my mind away from dark thoughts. I couldn't let it bother me if I was going to protect Harry from a traitor that was close to him. Instead I concentrated on Hogwarts, Gryffindor and the happy memories that I had of my time here. The memories of the adventures my friends and I had had back then made me smile. I wondered if Harry was having adventures and good times here too. Did he have friends who valued him for himself not his fame? Did he play Quidditch as his father had while in school? Was he in Gryffindor? Had he learned any of the secret passages that were in the castle? I smiled remembering all the adventures I'd been a part of while in school here and felt sure that Harry must be having some of his own. I smiled, even though I could still feel the power of the dementors nearby. The overwhelming urge to see Harry washed over me again and I resolved to wait for him.
I looked around the area near the front entrance and found some bushes to hide in. I scrabbled into them and pushed my way through them until they covered me then I lay still to wait. After what seemed to be a long time, I heard the crunch of carriage wheels and the student's carriages came into view. Patiently I waited and at long last I was rewarded with the sight of Harry, with two people who were surely his friends in close attendance. They looked very concerned about something but I wasn't sure why they would be concerned unless it was about the dementors. Everyone was affected by them each in a different degree. Harry, I noticed, looked extremely pale and shaky. Something had happened on the train her I guessed and after a few minutes I discovered what.
"You fainted…" a pale, blonde boy said to Harry.
Harry said nothing to the pale boy who was sneering at him as he entered the school. Harry looked pale and even more shaken then before. He walked slowly up the steps toward the entrance and as he walked past me, I saw the look in his eyes. They were full of sadness and fear. I knew in that moment that Harry was affected by the dementors worse then anyone I had ever heard of. Their powers actually caused him to faint because he had so few happy thought within him for them to feed upon. He fainted because once those few happy thoughts were gone he had nothing to think of but the night his parents had been killed. I shuddered at the thought of what Harry must see and hear when he got near a dementor. I knew what I saw and heard but compared to what Harry must experience, mine was a walk in the park.
"Poor Harry…" I thought. "Maybe I should go far from here so that he can get some peace."
I couldn't leave him now though because just then I remembered something else, not something I'd seen but something I'd smelled. Peter had been in the group that had entered the castle. I couldn't leave Harry with a servant of Voldemort that close to him. I had to protect him as I had promised his parents I would, even at the cost of my own life. If I could capture Peter and prove to the Ministry that he was alive and a traitor, I would be helping Harry and myself. If I turned him in then my name would be cleared at last and I could get on with my life and Harry could live with me. Another part of my mind was questioning the logic of letting the traitor live…I tried to drive the thought of killing Peter with my own hands from my mind and yet…As I wiggled out of the bush and ran back to the forest I began to make my plans to capture the traitor.
Sorry this part took so long to post but I kept getting writer's block and then Goblet came out. Hope you like it…the story of Sirius Black is not over so there will be more parts just be patient. Thanks for reading this and now please review it…
WeasleyTwin2