Disclaimer: All things Star Wars belong to Lucasfilm.
In Dreams
by ami-padme
Amidala rolled over, wrapping herself in the warm sheets and blankets, trying to ignore the sunlight streaming in the window, and the first sounds of commotion outside. She had never understood why it was necessary for Imperial life to start so early every morning. It was so comfortable just to lie in bed…surely it wouldn't matter if she rested a little while longer.
She sighed luxuriously, and felt herself start to drift off again. And, that's the exact moment they came in, as they did every morning.
The two could be heard giggling outside the door before it opened, and came running at top speed, throwing themselves on the bed, jostling her awake. But she kept her eyes closed. Maybe if they saw she was asleep, they might keep quiet.
Nope. Not a chance. They were still bouncing around and talking to each other. Every once and awhile, one would come very close to her and whisper, "Mommy? Wake up!" She could feel them watching her like hawks for any sign that she had heard them.
She couldn't help but smile, though she would miss that extra hour or so of sleep. She thought it was sweet that they always wanted to include her in whatever the excitement of the day was. And they were so energetic – it was a wonder that they slept at all. Definitely a trait they picked up from their father.
Amidala finally opened her eyes and sat upright. She began to stretch, but a twin grabbed each arm, and they tried vainly to get her on her feet and moving.
"What is it, you two?" she asked through a yawn. They just looked at each other and laughed.
"It's a surprise!" the girl said.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming." She managed to extricate her arms, and the children slid down from the bed and stood there waiting for her.
How can he be dreaming about the twins?
The notion was so jarring, she was afraid she'd come right out of the dream and wake up. She didn't really want to consider it. Maybe it was just a coincidence. He couldn't possibly know that she was pregnant. Could he? Had everything she had done these last few months – hiding, running, cutting him off – all been for nothing?
What if Palpatine knows?
That thought chilled her to her core. She couldn't even bear to contemplate it. So she decided to back to paying attention to what was happening.
She had finally gotten out of bed, and was following the kids. They were taking her to their room.
Wherever they were living, it seemed to be enormous – luxurious even, though still somewhat sterile. Certainly wasn't any place on Naboo. Or even Alderaan. Coruscant maybe?
"Come on, Mommy," said the boy, apparently already having lost patience with her sleepy stumbling down the hallway. He let go of her hand, ran to the door, and keyed in the code. The door slid open…
…and the twins ran into the waiting arms of their father.
She was surprised to see him home. He had apparently been away for a long time, and hadn't yet been due to come back. Amidala noticed that Anakin was wearing an Imperial command uniform. He had been away fighting, she supposed. No wonder the children were so excited. Their father had finally come home from the Wars.
Anakin was saying something to the twins. Although she was only standing a few feet away, she couldn't make it out. It seemed that they still couldn't communicate directly.
So, this was the Imperial life he wanted for them. They were happy – they were all together and happy. Quite the cozy little picture he had created.
And that's all it was, really. Wishful thinking that nearly bordered on delusional. Did he really think they'd live such an idyllic life once the Wars were over? Could he possibly even hope for such a thing?
But, at least it meant that this was just another set of random musings on his part. There was a message to this dream, she was sure, but the details didn't matter. After all, it was perfectly normal for him to picture children when he thought of their future together. He probably wouldn't even be consciously aware of all this when he woke up.
Anakin stood, and the children went to a corner to play with some toys, leaving the two of them staring at each other. He walked over and took her hand. And she felt it. She felt him touch her.
If only she could hear what he was saying. She got the feeling from his tone that he was asking her something. Something she didn't want to do, something that concerned and bothered her greatly. They seemed to be arguing, though they tried to hide it, probably because they didn't want to alarm the twins.
He wasn't really angry at her refusal of whatever he was asking for. His tone was gentle. Pleading. Worried. But she wasn't moved, or at least not enough to change her mind. He was beginning to get a little panicked. She still gently refused.
"…Sulluest…"
Suddenly, a word came through clearly. Everything around it was nonsense, but she clearly heard him say that word. Her heart leapt. She was still saying no to him, but Amidala herself was thrilled.
*****
Amidala woke up with a smile on her face for the first time in months. She knew what she had to do.
She had to go to Sulluest. She would find him there. That's what he was asking her to do.
She practically jumped out bed and began getting dressed. It was an absurd hour of the night, so everyone was asleep. She knew of a transport she could "borrow" – maybe she'd be able to get out of there before anyone noticed.
Amidala felt as though a burden had been lifted off her. She finally had a clarity of purpose. And she felt certain that she could convince him to come home – she felt certain that he wanted to be convinced. He was still clinging to the life he had chosen with Palpatine, but deep down, he knew he needed her.
She threw a few quick items in a bag and left her room without glancing back. She should have done this sooner. But it was so wonderful to have him ask her to come to him, no matter how oblique the method of communication used.
She crept silently towards the hangar. Sure, it might not be easy to convince him, and they would probably still be on the run for the immediate future, but she would have her husband back…the thought almost made her giddy.
Amidala found the hangar completely dark and silent. She only hoped that booting up the ship and opening the main door wouldn't cause too much of a commotion. She headed for a small transport closest to the opening.
He wanted their family intact. He just needed to know that it was possible – and that they didn't need to live in the Imperial Palace to do it. She couldn't wait to see him again, to –
"Amidala."
Amidala jumped, terrified of the voice that had called to her in the darkness of the cockpit. She quickly turned on the lights.
Obi-Wan sat in the pilot's chair.
"Obi-Wan!" she gasped, her heart still racing. "What are you doing here? Have you been sitting here all night?"
"No. Just for a short while. Probably since you woke up."
Amidala stared at him defiantly, and shored up her reserve. "If you've come to stop me, you wasted a trip."
He shook his head slowly, sadly. "I didn't come to stop you, Amidala." She frowned skeptically. "I mean it. I've simply come to reassure myself that you have thought this through. Once I'm convinced of that, I'll leave."
Amidala began to initialize the ship's systems. "I've thought of nothing else since I left Naboo. I have more than thought it through, Obi-Wan." She raised her eyebrows at him. "You'll forgive me if I'm…cynical…of your hands-off approach here."
Obi-Wan frowned deeply. "I stopped Anakin from going to get his mother a few years ago because I thought I could – should – make the 'right' choice for him. I thought he was upset, and getting carried away by something that had inflamed his emotions –" he paused to look at her meaningfully "– so, I felt that I should make him remember his duty. Of course, he wound up paying the price for my decision. I'm not going to do that again."
"Obi-Wan, you were his Master. It was part of your job to make such decisions –"
He held up a hand to interrupt her. "That is neither here nor there. I have learned my lesson. I won't tell you not to go after your husband. I only wish to ask you three questions."
Amidala knew it was pointless to try and avoid this, so she nodded her head in assent.
"I managed to figure out exactly what you were planning to do, in a matter of minutes after you decided to do it. Do you honestly, truly believe that Anakin could meet you, or plan to reunite with you, without Palpatine knowing about it?"
She looked away and sighed angrily. "Anakin can keep secrets when he wants to. We both know that. Besides, he's probably not…completely aware that he's asked me to do this. How can he reveal something he doesn't know that he's done?"
"Are you willing to risk the lives of your children on either of those assumptions?"
Amidala closed her eyes as she felt her heart stop at the question. Finally, she whispered, "Anakin would never do anything to hurt them."
"You know it's not Anakin I'm talking about."
Silence.
"Amidala?"
"That's two questions," she snapped.
Obi-Wan nodded. "Where is he?"
Amidala stared at him for a long moment, her hand on her stomach, her mind wandering. "This isn't fair, Obi-Wan. I know I could convince him to come home. Why did this have to happen? Why can't I just be allowed to save him?"
"Amidala," he said gently, "if anything were to happen to you or the children because you went to find him, Anakin would never forgive himself. Never."
Blinking back tears, she whispered, "How will I ever be able to look back on this moment, and know that I did nothing?"
"I don't know." Obi-Wan took her hand in both of his. "How will you look back on this moment if you were to lose…everything?"
"I don't know."
He stood, squeezed her shoulder and moved to exit the cockpit. "Those are the answers you must have before you leave, Amidala." He began to make his way down the ramp.
"Obi-Wan?"
He stopped and turned back to her.
"He's on Sulluest."
He nodded, took a long last look at her, sitting in the co-pilot's seat, and left the hangar.
To his great relief, she was asleep in that chair when he returned to the hangar the next morning.
**********
**********
Anakin swore under his breath as his pruners slipped out of his grip, cutting the back of his right hand. He was tired of working, and it was starting to show. This wasn't the way he had wanted to spend this day – he would have rather just lie in the grass, eyes closed against the sunlight, trying desperately to imprint in his mind the sounds and smells and feels of home.
But that was silly and he knew it. Home had only been that way on rare occasions. Most often, it had been just like this – working in the fields all day and trying to help with the chores. Of course when night fell, they would retire to the main house, and talk and laugh and enjoy one another's company. Those were the best times. But it wouldn't happen tonight. And it would probably be a long time before it happened again.
He sighed and sat heavily in the dirt. He was on Naboo, at the farm where Amidala had grown up. He recognized it easily enough from the short time he had spent here a few years ago, and from numerous stories he had heard her tell. Although she had spent far more time in Theed over the course of her life, he knew that this was the place that had first held her heart, the first place she had called home.
He looked around and smiled. It was so peaceful and simple here, even compared to other parts of Naboo. He didn't mind this setting at all; he would be happy to work here.
But he wasn't happy. And it wasn't just the physical exhaustion. He was apprehensive, and dreading something. He felt like there was a cloud hanging over him. He wasn't afraid exactly; there wasn't a threat coming. It was just that he knew he'd have to do something unpleasant, and he'd have to do it soon.
Anakin gathered his tools in a small basket and moved to a different part of the field to begin working again. It was very quiet, except for the rustling of the wind. That's probably why he was so startled when he heard someone moving around nearby. He quickly turned, and saw Amidala working several yards off to his right. They smiled at each other.
Then they both turned away. He felt awkward. Whatever was hanging between them, he wasn't quite ready to deal with it yet. And she looked wistful and…resigned? Sad? She acted like she was trying to ignore him, or just trying to pretend everything was normal. But he kept catching her furtive glances at him, and the way she'd move a few steps to make sure they remained a certain distance from each other.
Goodbye. She's going to say goodbye.
Why was she going to do that? He had wondered how long he could realistically expect her to wait for him to return for her…but he had never really thought that she would give up. That wasn't what she was doing, was it? He was so close to finishing everything; the Wars were so close to being over. The first thing he was going to do was find her…she couldn't give up on this now.
But he recognized what was happening. This was the day Amidala had left home for good, right before she became Princess of Theed.
Amidala's time at home had been severely limited from a young age, as she was sent to special schools all over the planet for political and military training. Still, there were good parts of the year when she was allotted time to go home, and there were special circumstances under which she could be excused from her lessons.
That all had to change when she accepted an elected office – she knew it would. Her responsibilities were now full-time; her home was now in the capital.
Anakin purposely strode over to her, stood beside her, but didn't say anything. They continued to work in silence, aside from the occasional sigh from her. The sun was just beginning its decent, and he knew he would have to leave soon. They would have to talk, he thought. But he knew she wouldn't want to.
Amidala and he had shared these stories repeatedly over the years, comparing notes on their respective goodbyes to their mothers. There were differences, of course, but the kinship they had shared through their experience had always been a comfort to him in dealing with his own situation.
Amidala's mother had been torn about Amidala's election as Princess. She had assumed that once Amidala finished schooling, she would be able to return home for a few years – most trainees didn't seek serious political positions until their mid-teens or beyond. Instead, Amidala had started her career at 12, and her mother realized she wouldn't be getting her daughter back.
Amidala had thought that her mother was going to spend most of this last trip home trying to convince her to stay. And then, as time went on, she began to worry that her mother would wait until the last minute to say something. Amidala was sure her mother had hoped, though not really expected, that her daughter would come to her instead, and take the burden off her. Obviously, Amidala didn't do that…as much as she loved her mother and would miss her home, she couldn't help looking forward to and wanting her new life in Theed.
Anakin glanced at her now. She was as pained as her mother had been that day. She knew Anakin wasn't ready to come to her and tell her he would give up his new life. So she would let go. She felt she had to.
Amidala put her tools away, smiled at him briefly, and began packing his things up as well. She placed her arm around his shoulders, and indicated that they should begin heading back to the house. He did so, reluctantly.
After a few moments, Amidala suddenly came to a stop. He did as well and looked at her quizzically. Her eyes were filled with tears that she tried in vain to hide. She reached into one of her pockets, pulled something out, and dropped it into his hand. She then wiped her eyes, and tried to look away.
Anakin rubbed her arm to comfort her, and then looked at his hand. Her japor snippet was in it.
Amidala reached up and gently cupped his face. She whispered, "Goodbye," and turned to go into the house.
He watched her go.
Anakin knew that something had changed with her…something had changed with them. It frightened him – he wasn't ready to say goodbye. But ready or not, he knew a turning point was upon them.
Finally, he put the japor snippet around his neck, and began to walk away.