Just as he left the window to return to his bottle of cabernet a shaken Amanda pulled up in front of his apartment building. Her hair was mussed and her cardigan pulled out of shape. As she looked in her rearview mirror, she saw her own tear-stained face and started talking to herself. "What are you doing here?" She rolled her eyes at her own ignorance. "You know dang well what you are doing here. Dave just tried to force himself on you. You're upset and need to talk with someone. You don't want Mother to know about this, so Lee was the natural choice. Now since you are here, go up and see him."
She took a few deep breaths to calm herself and fix her appearance as much as she could. After all, she didn't want to frighten Lee with how she looked. Finally satisfied that she was in control of her emotions, she got out of her car and headed up to Lee's apartment.
Lee was still talking to himself. "Well, you've come to a conclusion then. You have to tell her. Too bad she isn't here right now - while you are convinced it is the right thing to do." Just as those words finished, there was a knock at his door.
"Who can that be?" he mused as he walked over and looked out the peephole.
What he saw made him fling open the door and his arms to an obviously upset Amanda. She looked like hell.
Amanda wordlessly fell into Lee's waiting arms. He guided her into his apartment and closed the door behind them with his foot, not wanting to break the embrace he had Amanda in.
"Amanda, what happened to you? Are you okay? Here, come inside and sit down. Do you want anything to drink?" His words ran together, sounding like Amanda on one of one-breath speeches.
As much as Amanda had tried to prepare herself to be calm, the warmth of Lee's embrace brought all of her emotions back to the surface. "I'm sorry Lee. I know I probably shouldn't bother you. But I didn't want to go home until I was calmed down. I just didn't know where else to go," she choked out as she buried her face in Lee's chest. As upset as she was, she was reveling in the feel of Lee's arms wrapped tightly around her. His hand slowly stroking her hair.
In soothing tones he spoke into her soft hair. "Amanda, it's okay. I'm honored you felt you could come to me. You're safe now. No one will hurt you while I am here."
Amanda knew it was true. That's part of why she came to Lee. He always made her feel completely safe. Even when they were in danger. She needed to feel that right now. Dave hadn't hurt her. Just really scared her. He had really changed. And he harbored something of a grudge against her for leaving him when they went to college and marrying Joe. After his attempt to "possess" her, he had become very apologetic for his actions. But she was still frightened. To think that someone she had once trusted would try anything like that was quite a shock.
"Why don't we go sit down? If you want, you can tell me what happened. I have a bottle of wine open, if you would like a glass." Still not releasing her from his embrace, Lee gently steered her to sit on his sofa.
Amanda nodded her head. "A glass of wine would be very nice. Thank you, Lee."
Lee didn't want to leave her side. She was distraught and he wanted to comfort her. "I'm just going to go into the kitchen to get you a glass."
"Okay"
"But I'll be right back. I'm not going anywhere," he said trying to make sure she understood she had his complete support. "I'm not going anywhere....ever," he continued in his own mind as he quickly found her a glass and returned to the living room.
Lee poured her a glass of the cabernet and gave it to her. Sitting next to her on the sofa, he ran his hand up and down her arm. Finally coming to rest on her shoulder, he rubbed gentle circles on her shoulder blade. He could tell she was relaxing under his care. He softly smiled to himself, while she sipped her wine. "She came to me! Amanda was upset and came to me for comfort. *This* is what I can't risk just in order to unburden my heart. If she knew how I felt about her, she probably never would have come to me...but, My God! It feels amazing just to touch her," he thought to himself. "Stop it Lee! Now is not the time to lose your self-control. Amanda needs you, but not like that!"
Coming out of his thoughts, he noticed Amanda looking at him.
He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "How are you feeling now? You seem a bit calmer. Do you want to tell me about it?"
"Oh Lee...Dave...I can't believe he would try something like that!" she said through her tears.
"What?!"
"Lee, Dave tried to force his attentions on me."
"You mean he tried to...r-r-ra..." he couldn't finish the thought.
"Yes, but he didn't. He was very sorry afterwards."
Lee's world turned crimson. His blood boiled. He jumped to his feet, fuming.
"Where do I find him? I'm going to kill him!" he was so mad that he was shaking, unable to get himself to move beyond where he was stood.
"Lee...Lee!" She stood in front of him and grabbed his arms, trying to get his attention. But Lee barely registered this.
"No one gets away with trying to hurt you. No one hurts my Amanda. Not MY Amanda." Lee was still in a world of anger. He was so wrapped up in his feelings of fierce protectiveness that he didn't really notice what he had said until Amanda repeated it.
"Your Amanda? Lee!....Lee!" she cupped his face in her hands to get him to make eye contact with her. "Did you call me YOUR Amanda?"
When his eyes met hers, she quickly dropped her hands. Lee's expression turned from anger to confusion to embarrassment as his own words finally registered in his mind. "Oh my god! What did I say?" he berated himself.
He tried to recover. "Um...I'm sorry. You said something? I'm sorry, I was just very upset that anyone would try to hurt you." His thoughts were reeling. "Geez, even *I* am not buying this. There's no turning back now if she pushes for what I meant."
Amanda's own thoughts were whirling, temporarily having forgotten all about her earlier ordeal. "Lee called me HIS Amanda! His! I know that I am his. But it sounded like that is how he wants it too."
Amanda had been looking at the ground after they broke eye contact. Slowly she looked up at him through her eyelashes. She had to know the truth. She might not ever have a chance like this again.
"I thought I heard you call me *your* Amanda. What did you mean by that?" she asked in a small voice.
Lee closed his eyes trying to focus his mind. "Oh boy, here we go. There is no way I can lie to her. She heard me. Maybe I can pass it off as not being quite as much as I meant it."
"Well, you are my partner and my close friend..." he tried to sound convincing.
"Oh" Amanda didn't want to sound disappointed but she knew she had failed to keep it out of her voice. She sank back onto the sofa. Suddenly she was overcome. She slumped forward, her face in her hands and started to silently cry.
Lee's heart was breaking. He had to do something. Apparently that wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. Maybe it was time for the full truth.
Lee gingerly sat next to her, trying to figure out how to tell her the emotions that swelled in his heart.
"Amanda, I didn't mean it like that. It's just....well..." he lightly touched her forearm. He still didn't know what to say or how to say it.
"It's okay, Lee. I understand. I know how you feel about me."
An opening! He turned her to face him. "No....no, you don't," he started slowly. But he knew that if he was going to do this, he would have to do it fast. Like pulling off a band-aid.
"Amanda, you can't know how I feel about you. If you did, what I said wouldn't have upset you."
"You didn't..." Amanda started. But Lee stopped her.
"Please let me continue. I have to say this. You have to know. You deserve to know." He took a deep breath. He had to do this, and now was the time. Amanda just nodded.
"For some months now, I've known...well it started back during the Chamberlain case...and then the Sacker case...but now..." he was rambling and he knew it. He just couldn't find the right words.
Without saying a word or breaking eye contact, he brought his hand to her face, sliding his fingertips along her jaw line until his palm lay against her cheek. When his hand stilled, Amanda leaned her face every so slightly into palm. Lee's mind was racing. He wanted to show Amanda how she meant the world to him. He sensuously slid his thumb to her lips, electrifying every cell he touched. Tracing her lower lip, he applied a little pressure and her mouth opened slightly. Unbeknownst to each other, they both quivered in anticipation.
Lee closed the last inches of space between their lips. With the gentle touch of a feather, he brushed his lips against hers. He pulled back quickly. Some part of his mind had control over his desire. He didn't know how much to push. After all, she had just been the victim of attempted rape. But he wanted to continue. He had been dreaming about this moment for so long. What if he scared her though, with the force of his emotions? Maybe she was just reacting to the fear that her encounter with Dave had spurned? Maybe she was just looking for comfort?
While Lee pondered these ideas, Amanda's mind was also racing.
"Our lips touched, not quite a full kiss, but still...my entire body is tingling just from that brush. How much more would I feel if we really kissed? The way I want to kiss him and have him kiss me? But why isn't he continuing? Did he feel nothing?..."
With that she started to pull away from Lee. His heart stopped. "I shouldn't have done that. It was too much. Or maybe she just doesn't want me." The thoughts ran fast and furious through his mind.
Amanda looked away from Lee. She was sure the look on his face meant that he was sorry he had made a move. Not because of what had just happened to her, but because he didn't want her.
"I'm sorry I bothered you. I should probably go." She started to walk past him to leave.
Lee knew if he didn't make her understand his feelings now, he might never have another chance. At least not for a long time. She would close herself off to him.
Lee reached up as Amanda passed before him. Grabbing the hem of her sweater, he gently tugged. "Please....Amanda, please..." he didn't know what he was going to say. But he had to make her understand. "I don't want you ever thinking you are bothering me...And I don't want you to **ever** think that I don't..." he took a deep breath. "...love you."
Amanda froze. Slowly she turned to look at him, not sure if she heard him correctly.
"Wha....what did you say?" she breathed.
Once he started, it all started to pour out of him. "I love you, Amanda. More than I ever thought anyone could love another person. And I have for quite some time. But I was so afraid to tell you. I didn't know if I could go on living if you rejected me. Tonight I realized I couldn't go on without letting you know," he finished breathlessly.
Amanda stood before him. Her mind was having great difficulty processing this information. Her body wasn't responding to her. Except that her heart was pounding and she could barely breathe. She could only register Lee's face. He was looking at her expectedly. When she didn't respond, the features she loved so much started to drop. Disappointment and sorrow becoming painfully evident. Lee's hand relinquished his gentle hold on her sweater and fell to his lap. She had to do something. She couldn't let him think that his love was unrequited.
Amanda took his hands in hers and pulled Lee to his feet. As soon as he stood in front of her, she stepped closer to him until the tips of their noses touched. "Oh Lee..." her voice was more breath than sound. And then her lips were on his - softly. She was hesitant at first. That was until Lee's mind registered what was happening. His love for her surged and he pressed against her, snaking his arms around her waist and sliding them up her back. He let all of his love for her pour uninhibited from between his lips as they crushed against hers.
Amanda trembled with pleasure. She couldn't believe any of this was happening. Lee loved her and he was kissing her. Her left hand slid up his back. She grasped the back of his neck, clinging to him tightly with one hand, while the other slid through the hair.
Lee's entire body was tuned to her presence - her smell, her touch, the way she felt under his touch, the very taste of her. The kisses became deeper and more fervent as they lost themselves in each other. Lee quickly stole his lips from her mouth - not giving her time to protest. But they never broke contact with her soft skin. His hands, from their position in her hair, gently tugged to tip her chin up. His lips, hot from the passion, slithered down her neck to her collarbone. Instinctively knowing where to kiss her for the best reaction, he worked along the bone, focusing on the dip between them.
"How does he know that? How does he know that is the most sensitive part of my body? He went right for it like he....oh my gosh." Amanda was unable to continue the thoughts that were going through her over stimulated mind. Lee was erasing everything but her feelings for him, and the feelings he was producing in her.
Lee was losing control and he knew it. Amanda's low groans and sighs were vibrating against his lips as they were on her throat. He wanted nothing more than to possess her completely, and to give himself to her without question or regret. But he couldn't. To go from a first kiss to complete fulfillment in such a short period of time was how he treated the other women in his past. Amanda would not, and could not, be treated the same. So he broke the kiss.
Amanda whimpered in protest, grabbing the lapels of his shirt and pulling him back to her. But Lee gently removed her hands and held them within his.
"Amanda, I love you..." he started huskily but she cut him off.
"Oh Lee, I love you too. So very much. More than anyone else ever. Ever."
Lee flashed her the biggest, brightest smile she had ever seen on him. And saw the tears of joy well up in his eyes.
"...but we have to stop. I don't want to rush this. I want to romance you and sweep you off your feet," he said almost dreamily as his mind already started thinking of ways to keep his promise.
"But I don't want to stop," Amanda pleaded, her passion for Lee very thinly disguised.
"I know. I don't want to either. Believe me, I don't want to stop. You can't imagine the self-control this is taking. But I don't want to ever give you any reason to doubt or regret anything." He continued that thought in his own mind. "No truer words have ever been spoken. In fact, I can't believe I mustered enough control to stop. I want nothing more than to sweep her into my arms and carry her to my bed and...but not yet. The wait will be worth it. For both of us."
"Lee, I wouldn't regret it. I want to feel your lips on me, your hands on me..." she protested.
"Amanda! You're not helping here," he laughed softly. "Why do you have to always argue with me?"
"I'm not," she started to chuckle too.
"Amanda!!"
"Alright, alright. Point taken. We won't rush anything. But would it be too forward of me to stay for a while? Perhaps have another glass of wine?" Amanda couldn't bring herself to leave just yet. She wanted to make sure this wasn't a dream.
"I would really like that. Come here and sit down. Maybe there is a good movie on television that we could watch together for a bit," Lee said, his hormones finally starting to calm down.
They sat on the sofa in silence. Lee's arm wrapped possessively around Amanda's shoulders as she leaned against him. Her hand stealthily traveled to his chest and started fiddling with the buttons.
"Amanda! None of that now. We agreed," he stated plainly. Not sure just how much he was actually protesting her actions.
She laughed heartily, raising her hand in a dramatic gesture away from his chest. "I guess I got caught. So much for my training in being unobserved in my actions."
"Amanda, that sort of action will never go without my notice, or reaction. And I'm not sure just how much will power I have to stop myself from taking you into the other room and having my way with you."
"Lee, let me say just one thing and I promise I won't try anything else - tonight. It will never be just *your* way. It would be *our* way," she said poignantly.
Lee smiled and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Our way. I like the sound of that."
They drifted off to sleep, both content in the knowledge that - as good as this evening had meant to them - the best was yet to come.
In his dreams, Lee heard Egomania's song playing again.
One stolen night
Of sweet delight
With you
And only you
Now nobody else
Nobody else will do
In his sleep, he murmured against Amanda's neck. "Nobody else, Amanda. Nobody else."