Monday
I open my eyes and look over to Roger's side of the room, which is now empty. Collins suggested moving his stuff into his room giving Maureen and me more privacy. I wanted to protest, but I couldn't verbalize to them why. I guess it is because I see Roger so little these days, but how I can I explain that to my girlfriend?
My girlfriend. We hardly ever talk anymore and whenever I come near her, she walks away. She goes out late and comes back when I am already asleep. I don't know what to do, I love her so much. I watch her sleep for a few minutes and move the one strand that his always falling in her face behind her ear.
I climb out of bed and start the day. Maureen will sleep through the morning, but I have some things I need to do. My script is almost finished and then we can begin working on the film. That always brings Maureen and me closer together, working on my films. She loves being the center of attention and I always make her the star.
I spend the day getting lost in my work and when I finally pack up to go back home, I realize that it is already five o'clock. Shit, Maureen is going to be pissed at me. I walk home, my pace rather quick and rush up the stairs, but the loft is empty. No note, no message, nothing.
I search the kitchen for something to make for dinner. Benny left us a few choices so I begin boiling water for pasta and find a jar of sauce. I'll make dinner for her, which should appease her. The minutes tick by and she doesn't come home. I finally give in and eat my share of dinner, wrapping up the leftovers for her.
Sitting around all night my mind wanders to Benny and Allison. Does he really love her? Is this marriage a way for him to get money? Can we possibly stay friends? Benny was actually my first friend of the group, we met in college. Collins and he were already friends and that is how I met Roger. It is Roger that I really clicked with most of all. We understand each other, better than anyone else. We used to, before April came along, spend hours just talking, about nothing really, joking around and messing with each other, but sometimes it grew serious. I know I have shared a part of myself with him no one else has seen, not even Maureen.
Maureen; where is she? I finally have enough of waiting and grab my jacket and head down the stairs. I know a few places she may be. I walk into a few coffeehouses and bars and search around, it is at the fourth one that I find her. She is sitting on another guy's lap, letting him kiss the back of her neck. She doesn't even see me until I am standing right in front of her.
"Marky! Uh, what are you doing here?" She hops off the stool and attempts to give me a hug. I pull away.
"Looking for you, I haven't seen you all day." I don't change my expression vocal or facial. I lean around and take in the guy who she is with. "I see you are hanging out with friends. Fine, I'll let you be." I turn around and walk out of the bar. She follows me outside.
"Mark, I was just having fun, it is no big deal!"
"Maureen…I can't… I can't deal with this ok? What am I supposed to do, this isn't the first time." I think I am overreacting, but I don't care. "If you love me, you wouldn't keep doing this to me." Suddenly I realize that maybe she doesn't love me. I look up at her.
"Mark, of course I love you! We have been together for so long!"
"But you aren't in love with me, are you?"
Her expression changes, like she is realizing it for the first time herself. "Mark." She looks at me pleadingly. "Don't do this."
I want to be rational, I want to remain in control. But that wouldn't be me. "Don't fucking bother coming home tonight! Or EVER!" I turn around and run away from her. When I get back to the loft, Collins is sitting at the counter reading, but I just go into my room and slam the door shut.
A few minutes later, Collins knocks on my door and asks me if I am ok. He tells me he wants to talk to me. I tell him I am fine and I will talk to him in the morning, that I am too exhausted. I fall into the bed, purposely taking up the whole thing and cry to sleep.