A Sad Goodbye (part 4)
Here's part four. Read the other three if you want to know what's going on. Remember that I don't own any of these characters except Steve and Jake.
Part 4
When Chandler let Monica open her eyes again, she had to open and close them again, because she didn't believe what she was seeing.
"London baby!" Chandler teased.
"London," Monica whispered.
"Yeah, the place where it all began," Chandler said, kissing her.
"Where what began?" Monica asked, even though she knew exactly what Chandler was talking about.
"You know what. Us. But, after all, London's a pretty big place, not as big as New York, but still pretty big."
"Get on with it."
"Well, because London is a big place, I booked us into the hotel where we stayed the last time we were here. Exactly five years ago today," Chandler reminded her.
"Five years? Exactly five years today?" Monica asked, still in shock from everything that had happened. Of course it was exactly five years ago. Once he had reminded her she wondered how she could have ever forgotten.
"Um hm," Chandler whispered. He kissed her softly on the mouth.
"Its all so wonderful. I can't believe it!" Monica gasped.
"Well, my bank account can't either," Chandler said, only half joking.
"Oh God! I'm sorry! You have to let me help you pay for all of this!" Moncia said, as usual, talk of everyday things, like money, brought her back to reality.
"No, honey, I was joking. My mom paid for it all, so long as I agreed to give her all the juicy details for her to use in her next book," Chandler said, with a serious look on his face.
"Eww! Chandler!" Monica exclaimed in disgust. Then she realised he was joking. "Oh ha ha ha," she said sarcastically. Chandler laughed.
"Sorry Mon, but the look on your face was just priceless!" Chandler said, still laughing. Monica pretended to punch him in the stomach. "I'll shut up then," he said, pretending to be hurt. He was actually just happy that they were joking around again, the way they used to before Monica left for Boston.
"Good," she said, laughing.
"And guess what hotel room we're staying in," Chandler teased her.
"Oh my God! You got the same room as well?"
"Uh huh, and all I had to do was tip the receptionist fifty bucks."
"You're kidding?"
"Yep. It was actually a hundred," he admitted.
"Chandler!"
"Sorry, but I just wanted everything to be perfect," Chandler said. He took her hands and kissed her forehead.
"Chandler, so long as I was with you, a pig sty would be perfect," Moncia said, playing with his hands, turning them over in hers, as if she was examining them closely.
"Wow! And I know you hate mud, and muck and anything that's not as clean as a operating theatre," Chandler said, understanding how much her sentence meant.
"Yeah, well, I love you. Anywhere would be perfect if you were there too."
"But I bet you'd prefer a hotel room to a pig sty?" Chandler joked.
"Oh yeah. So, you wanna go find that room?"
"Sure."
* * *
That night they fell asleep in each others arms. Chandler found that, unlike Janice, when he was with Monica, he didn't need his space, and was actually happier with Monica close to him when he fell asleep.
But although Chandler was asleep, and thought she was too, Monica was wide awake. And even as she lay there, with Chandler's arms around her, she couldn't help wondering if this whoel thing was just a huge mistake. She knew how much trouble Chandler had gone through to make this weekend perfect, London, the hotel, even the same room. But she wasn't sure if it was a good idea. After all, until a few days ago, they hadn't seen each other for eight months. And she'd never told him why she had gone to Boston in the first place.
The truth was, she hadn't known how to tell him. She still didn't. And she couldn't stay with him, here in London, or in New York, unless she tol dhim. And she didn't think she could.
She had to go back to Boston. She hated to do that to Chandler, but she couldn't think of an easier way to do it. She kissed Chandler tenderly, then slid out of his arms and off the bed. She dressed quickly and brushed her hair. Chandler had just sprung the trip on her at the last minute, so she didn't have any luggage. She was about to leave, and got as far as the dorrway, when she realised that she oculdn't do it like this. She had to say goodbye, even if he was asleep. She tiptoed back to the bed.
"Goodbye Chandler," she whispered, dropped a kiss onto his slightly parted lips and brushed a strand of hair away from his face.
Then she left.
* * *
When Chandler woke up the next morning, he was surprised to find Monica gone. At first he thought maybe she had just gone to the bathroom or something. But when, after twenty minutes, she still wasn't back, Chandler realised that she had gone further than the bathroom.
"Monica?" he called, desperately hoping that she would answer and come back to him, that he would be able to hold her again. But somehow, he sensed that she wouldn't. And she didn't. Chandler flopped back onto the bed, dispairingly. He couldn't believe she had gone. Why? Why? Why? The question went round and round in his head, unanswered. Why had she left him? When was she planning on coming back? Chandler refused to accept the possibility that she might not come back at all. She had to. He needed her.
* * *
While Chandler discovered that she was gone, Monica was on a plane back to New York. From there she was going back home (was it really home?) to Boston. And as Chandler cried, so did she. Neither of them was happy about their break up, and both wished it didn't have to be so hard.
When Monica arrived back in New York, she went to Chandler's apartment to get her stuff. Then she went to Phoebe's apartment to pick up Jake.
"Chandler said a little while, I didn't think he meant this long!" was Phoebe's greeting.
"Sorry Phoebs. I didn't know what he was planning," Monica apologised.
"What was he planning?" Phoebe asked curiously.
"I really don't feel like talking about it," Monica said tiredly.
"Yeah, okay. Jake missed you."
"Oh God! I forgot he wouldn't have had any idea what was going on! Can I see him?"
"Sure! I'm not going to keep him forever!" Phoebe exclaimed. Moncia forced a smile. Phoebe didn't seem to notice that her smile wasn't genuine. "I'll take you through."
As soon as Jake saw Monica, he flung himself at her. She caught him and hugged him tightly.
"Where were you Mommy?" Jake demanded.
"I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't know I was going to be gone so long. Daddy surprised me."
"Daddy? You mean Chandler?" Phoebe asked with a sly smile.
"Yes. Come on Jake, we're going home," Monica said. She didn't want to talk about Chandler.
"Chandler's apartment?" Phoebe asked.
"No, Boston," Monica said. She started to leave. "Thanks for babysitting Phoebs."
"What? You're going back to Boston? Why? Did you and Chandler have a fight?" Phoebe grabbed Monica's arm and pulled her back.
"no, I just, I don't know. I just have to go," Monica said, pulling her arm free. She marched out of the house, carrying Jake. Phoebe stared after them in confusion.
* * *
Four hours later, Monica and Jake got back to their Boston apartment. Jake was half asleep in his mothers arms. Monica wished she had someone to carry her too, because she was practically falling asleep herself. Monica couldn't get to her purse to get out her keys, so she knocked on the door. A tall guy answered it.
"Mon!" he exclaimed when he saw her. "Hey! How was NYC? Hey Jake! God, you guys look dead on your feet," he was talking fast in his excitement at seeing them again. He hugged Monica, who sank into his arms. He took Jake from her. "I'll go put him to bed."
"Thanks Steve," Monica said wearily.
"No problem. Go sit down. There's coffee on the counter, I just made it. Its not as good as yours of course, but you look like you could use it," Steve said. He kissed Monica's cheek, then took Jake into his bedroom.
Monica went into the apartment. She couldn't help wishing she was walking into Chandler's apartment in New York instead of Steve's in Boston. She collapsed onto the couch and lay down. She put her hands over her face and curled up, hugging her knees to her chest.
"Jake's fast asleep. I didn't bother to get him changed," Steve said, coming back into the living room. He noticed monica curled up on the couch. "Mon, are you okay?" he said. Steve went over to her and touched her shoulder. She flinched away from his touch.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled.
"No, you're not. Come on Mon, tell me whats wrong." He pulled her into a sitting position and sat down next to her on the couch.
"I'm fine," Monica said, turning away from him.
"You're crying. Last time I checked, that means you're not fine," Steve said. He rubbed her back and leant closer to her.
"I'm just tired," Monica insisted, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Mon, what happened in New York?" Steve asked. Before she could answer, they were interrupted by the sound of crying.
"Saved by the baby," Monica joked weakly.
"I'll get her, you stay here," Steve offered.
"Its okay," Monica said, getting up. She just wanted to get away from Steve and his brown eyes that saw more than she wanted him to of how she was feeling. She also wanted to hold her daughter, Chandler's daughter, and try and pretend it was Chandler waiting for her in the living room. The thing was, she knew that if he knew he had a daughter, he would be there in a second. But he didn't know. He might never know.
Monica went into the baby's room. It was pale pink with a darker pink ceiling and carpet. A cot was in the middle of the room. A six week old little girl lay in the cot, screaming and kicking her chubby little legs. Monica picked her up.
"Hey Vicky. What's the matter?" Monica said quietly. She rocked the baby, Victoria, in her arms. "Its okay honey, Mommy's here. Mommy's here. Did you miss me? I sure missed you. Shh, don't cry sweetheart, Mommy's here." As Monica rocked her, Vicky quietened down. Monica didn't want to let go of her just yet, so she sat down in the rocking chair in the corner and rocked gently.
After a while, Monica fell asleep with Vicky in her arms. Steve came in to check on them, but they looked so peaceful that he didn't want to disturb them, so he kissed them both on the cheek then left them to sleep as he went into the room he and Monica had shared for the past seven months.
* * *
Back in New York, Chandler was lying in bed, but he wasn't asleep, he had never felt more wide awake in his life. He was staring up at the ceiling, thinking. He kept swapping between wishing Monica had never come back to New York at all, the other half of him wished she had never left. He wanted Jake in the room next to his, and he wanted Monica in bed beside him. He wanted to hold her in his arms and never let her go.
Chandler cursed himself for letting Monica go. He should have known that the London trip would freak her out. He found it ironic that it was Monica who had freaked out at the prospect of more commitment. A few years ago, it would have been him freaking out, but not anymore.
* * *
If Chandler had known that Monica was in Boston, not only with Jake, but with Steve and Vicky as well, then he might not have been so keen to have her back. But if he knew that Monica was only with Steve because as far as she could see, she had no alternative, and that Vicky was his child, not Steve's, and that everytime Monica was with Steve, she imagined she was with Chandler, he might have jumped on the next plane to Boston. But he didn't know any of that, so he was stuck lying in bed in New York, wide awake, wishing Monica was with him.
And in Boston, she was wishing she was with him too.
Okay, that's part 4 done. I'm really sorry it took so long, but hopefully part 5 will be with you soon. As usual, I really appriciate feedback, good or bad, at ezika2000@hotmail.com and you can read more of my writing at http://members.xoom.com/Ezika/Ezika thanks. LOL, Ezika.