Author's note~ Okay Last chapter.... If you've been reading it all the way through then thanks, I really appreiciate it. If you've enjoyed it then so much the better ^_^ I haven't read this chapter through a great deal because it currently half two in the morning and I need to go to bed. Please can you R+R to tell me what you thought of the series as a whole.
Zell couldn't breathe, he shook his head trying to deny the truth that lay before him a small huddle, not only was Selphie gone but the Guardian Force that inhabited her body was waning too. He felt at her neck for a heartbeat that wasn't there. Heavy lids began to close on bright purple eyes. He turned to his friends who had heard the prophetic announcement as the voice of a GF echoed in their minds. They stared at him, Quistis looked at him numbly, Squall's face was a mask and Rinoa had bright tears running down her cheeks. 'Help her.' He said to them quietly. 'Please.' It was Irvine that came and knelt beside him. The guardian force coughed and dark congealed blood clots came to Selphie's lips.
*Heal this body.* The guardian force commanded. *I will try to... try to...* The voice of the GF trailed off into nothingness, the profound silence made Zell tremble. He couldn't take it in, the silence in his mind echoed the less substantial silence around him. There was nothing he could think of to make this better, he couldn't even think enough to cry. As Bahumut lost his control on Selphie the shimmering scales that covered her face began to recede leaving a thin line around her hairline.
'Zell, he said to heal her. We can at least try.' Irvine whispered to him and he looked at him in confusion.
'I don't... have anything... I haven't anything to heal her with.' A tight fist clamped around his throat, was he going to lose her because he hadn't brought a phoenix down with him?
'I do.' Squall said and put a hand into his jacket pocket. The long white feather he brought out made Zell frown.
'What is it?' He asked, and then he realised. A phoenix pinion. Squall walked over to the two men and held it out between them. Irvine looked at Zell through the feather, emotions raged painfully across the cowboys' face. Zell closed his eyes, if Selphie lived he would have to give her up anyway.
*
It was the singing that wakened her first she looked around at the bright light that surrounded her. *What's going on... did I... didn't I... die?* Selphie asked, she knew where she was, the elemental plane.
*Quiet, I'm trying to hold us here whilst they restore your flesh.* She looked through the light at a host of brightly coloured lights and flames and sparkles that surrounded them. *They are keeping us from crossing over, it is taking all their energy, these are the guardian forces that survive on the elemental plane, they are thaking us for saving them, they are hoping to do the same for you* If Selphie had a head she would have shaken it. The longing to move away from her body was indescribable.
*No, please Bahumut I want to go, remember, get rid of the hurt and the pain, I died. Please just let me go.*
*Not whilst you have people who love you that much still alive, and if you die, I die remember, I have family that loves me just as much as yours do.* Selphie felt her entire heart keening to be let go, to be set free.
*Please Bahumut, all I've found in my life is pain and suffering. I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes the pain is less, sometimes it is great, but there is always suffering.*
*Girl you have never been depressed in your life, why do you have to start now* The GF said gruffly, but affectionately.
*What about Zell and your other friends? Are you just going to abandon them now?*
*They are safe. What else can I do?*
*You can do the courageous thing and have the will to live that has kept humans alive for so long.* Selphie thought about it for the longest time. *I will keep you safe... I will always love you... Only please don't give up.* It was the hardest thing Selphie had ever had to do, to turn away from that feeling that pushed her away from her body and try and grab the strand of life that was still connected to her mind.
*
Zell and Irvine stared at each other for the longest moment in Zell's life. Then without warning Irvine stood. 'Well are you gonna do it then? They aren't getting any aliver.' Zell nodded his thanks to Irvine, it had been a struggle for him, but he, in that one single gesture, had given Zell his blessing for him to be with Selphie. Taking hold of the feather, he lovingly held it flat in his open palm to let the wind carry it into the sky. He watched the feather become intermingled with the falling snow. Please Phoenix. He prayed silently, when he heard the cry of the bird he knew that his prayer had been answered. The gorgeous bird blazed from across the horizon trailing a myriad of rainbow colours in it's wake, it was Selphie that the giant fire bird noticed... and blessed with life.
Zell stared down at the beautiful girl whose chest began to take in air, her eyes fluttered open and then closed again. He felt at her neck for a pulse, it was there, but it was so faint he couldn't be sure if it was his own that he was mistaking for hers. 'Curaga.' The spell was centred on Selphie, he turned to look at Rinoa gratefully, Selphie's breathing got a little stronger. Quistis knelt next to him and exposed the wound on her friends abdomen.
'I don't think all the curaga spells in the world are going help, she's going to need surgery. We need to get her to a garden... fast.' She looked at Squall. 'Radio Balamb to come over this way, hopefully we can get her out of the mountains before she...' She stopped and looked at Zell, who shook his head.
'She's not going to die... not again.' He cradled her in his arms and lifted her up, her head rested comfortably on his chest and one arm hung down limply. 'Let's move.' He set off at a brisk pace, not quite running but not far off. 'Please Selphie, don't die, I love you.' Zell whispered in her ear. He didn't know if it was just his wishful thinking or did her breathing ease slightly and a smile touch her lips.
*
One week later
Selphie heard the soft talking outside her bedroom door and quickly turned on her side to feign sleep, she carefully but quickly rearranged her hair to cover the scales around her hairline. The door opened softly and she regulated her breathing into the steady, easy rhythm of sleep... she hadn't really talked to anybody since she had been here, she had spent the first three days too confused to say anything to anyone and she had been asleep most of the time anyway. The fourth day she had decided that she really didn't want to face any questions so she had continued the symptoms as an act. When people came in she either pretended to be asleep or too drowsy to talk... she was quickly left alone. Whoever it was sat down in a chair that had been placed next to her bed.
'You aren't fooling anybody you know.' Irvine said quietly in an amused tone of voice. 'Well... you aren't fooling me.' Selphie couldn't help the frown that flickered on her face so she opened her eyes. He grinned at her in the darkened room.
'How did you know?' She asked him sharply.
'You aren't that peaceful when you sleep... I should know... Remember?' A guilty flush rose up across her cheeks. Irvine ignored it. 'The question is... why don't you want to speak to anyone?' He tilted his head at her and took off his hat. She shook her head and turned over onto her other side, facing away from him. 'Come on Sefie... I've never seen you like this before... well maybe once before.' He sighed and moved to sit on the edge of her bed. She took in a shuddering breath and Irvine realised she was crying, he stroked her shoulder. 'Do you want to talk about it?' She shook her head vigorously and buried her face into her pillow. 'Look I'll go... but you have to talk to someone... You not talking is eating a particular someone up inside. For his sake you have to try and form the words... and I'm here... you might not want me to be, but I'll always be your best friend.' When she didn't answer he stood and made his way across to the door. He paused as if wondering whether she would call out to him as he left, when she didn't he left.
Selphie swallowed hard and tried to get her tears under control, she was expecting a visit from the doctor soon, she felt like a freak. She stood and walked across to the shower, turning the hot water on full, since she had joined with Bahumut heat and cold had stopped bothering her, in fact she enjoyed the sensation of boiling heat now. She moved carefully into the stream of water and sighed as it sluiced across her skin. She put her hand to the scar that had formed on her abdomen, it had taken eight curaga spells as well as the operation for it to form. An inescapable reminder as to what she had suffered, she looked down at her forearms and took the wash cloth and began scrubbing them clear of dead skin. The faint spattering of scales that had sprung up were extremely pale shining lilac, they had grown on the bottom part of her legs as well. Bahumut had apologised profusely when he realised that they bothered her, she had just shrugged and said that she'd get used to them. She stood in the hot water for a while before getting out and walking to the mirror. She wiped the steam off the mirror and stared at her reflection for just a moment... this was the part she couldn't get used to. The small string of glimmering dragon scales that were visible around her hairline, she began to explore the crown of her head, the scales formed a cap through her hair she finally figured out. They were very soft to the touch, softer than skin but much, much harder, Bahumut had explained those scales as a natural protection dragons had for their brains. He had fallen silent when she had pointed out that she wasn't a dragon.
She got dressed, clothes that covered up the extent of her scaling. She knew that she had to face up to her friends sooner or later, but the thought churned her stomach. She arranged her hair and fringe so that it covered her marking fully. She sat on her bed forlornly, waiting for the knock of the doctor on her door, she called for her to enter when it came, but it wasn't the doctor... it was Quistis.
'Doctor Kadowaki said she couldn't come so I was to take you down to the cafeteria for some 'real' food... if you could count hotdogs etcetera as real food.' She grinned and Selphie fought to press down the wave of panic that threatened her.
'I'm not hungry.' She said to her friend, wishing that she could just go back and hide in bed. Her stomach at that point named her for a lier by growling loudly, Quistis raised an eyebrow. 'I'm coming.' She sighed and pulled on a pair of trainers. As they walked around the corridors to the cafeteria Quistis tried to encourage her to talk but all Selphie could feel was the eyes that were on her. She even heard one boy whisper the words Dragon Lady. She came over light headed at that point and felt as thought she was going to have a panic attack. 'Quistis.' She said alarmed.
'It's okay.' Her friend said and led her to a nearby bench. She sat next to her in silence as she got herself under control, she smiled her thanks to Quistis but still saw her wince at the purple cast to her eyes.
'Problem?' A voice asked them, Selphie looked up into Squall's face, which was creased in concern. If she had felt like her normal self she would have laughed at that reaction. 'You feeling okay?' He asked her.
'I'm fine.' She said as she felt the embaressment stain her cheeks. Squall nodded.
'Going to lunch?' He asked Quistis who nodded. 'Well I'll join you, the whole gang should be there.' He caught the wide eyes that Selphie flashed quickly. 'Or were you two going to eat on your own?' He amended hastily.
'Uh no.' Selphie said, Irvine said she was going to have to talk to them sooner or later... or something like that, and he was right. 'It's okay.'
*
Zell stared miserabley at his plate as Rinoa and Irvine slid in across the table from him. He gave a fleeting glance to them and a quick smile, he poked his fork into the gelatinous gloop.
'Why the long face?' Rinoa asked. 'They run out of hotdogs?'
'Ha ha... no.' He replied woodenly.
'He's trying to figure out what actually died to make that.' Irvine said with a grin and Rinoa laughed, he glowered at him. 'Oh lighten up Zell, I was only making a joke.' He turned to Rinoa but she wasn't listening, she was squinting across to the line at the checkout.
'Isn't that... Hey Selphie!' She yelled, Zell felt his head snap around and stare, she looked across at them uncertainly and Zell nearly got up to go and give her a hug. Squall and Quistis formed a phalanx on either side of her and by the look on her face, nearly frog marched her over to the table. All three squeezed into the unoccupied chairs with their trays. 'Hey Sel it's good to see you up and about.' Rinoa said, Selphie gazed at her momentarily with those purple eyes and gave a slight nod before concentrating on her food. Zell couldn't help but watch her, Irvine and Rinoa kept the conversation going in the way that he and Selphie normally did, even Squall and Quistis joined in and Zell felt certain he saw Selphie relax slightly. That was until Jill came bounding up to them... in a SeeD uniform.
'Ta Da!' She exclaimed brightly at him he half stood in surprise.
'How did you... I mean... wha?' He looked across at Squall, who smiled.
'You explained, I did what you asked.' Was all the explanation he got.
'Oh my god... well done.' He gave the young girl a hug. So what you gonna do next? You gonna go into instructor training? Rival Quistis here for the youngest instructor ever title?' The girl shook her head in distaste.
'Nope, I'm training to learn a new weapon... think I'll train to be a weapons master actually.' Zell gave her curious look.
'What new weapon?' She blushed.
'The gun...' She looked across at Irvine who shrugged.
'She's good.'
'After all your complaining... oh sod it... I give up.' He said sitting down and then Jill seemed to notice Selphie.
'Hey... how you doing?' She asked her, Selphie shrugged.
'I'm okay.' She said and the young girl smiled happily and held out her hand for Selphie to shake.
'I want to thank you for my field exam.' Selphie frowned at her and then reached out her hand. The long sleeved jumper rode up a fraction to reveal the bright scales that glittered on her forearm, it was only just noticeable but Selphie withdrew her hand like it had touched a viper. Jill looked at her curiously for a moment, along with her friends. 'You know, you shouldn't be ashamed of those scales. I mean, I realise why you would want to cover them, but they aren't ugly and you should treat them as a badge of honour. Everyone else at Garden does. You saved everyone here, you know.' Zell watched the emotions fly across Selphie's face. Jill took her leave of them and still everyone stared at Selphie. She lifted her head and looked at them all. Zell took a look at them all and saw the pity that stood in their eyes, he knew she had seen it too. She shook her head and stood up, without saying anything she made a run for the door.
*
Self pitying tears slithered out of the corner of her eyes as she ran at full tilt for her room. She had seen the pity in her friends eyes and known at that point she was undeniably ugly. The exertion combined with the pain in her heart dragged at her lungs and they began to burn. She reached her room and pounded the door into the wall as she went through it. She slammed it with a thud and she stood in the middle of her room not knowing what to do. Helplessly she sunk to her knees next to her bed and began to sob, gut-wrenching, heart felt sobs that shook her body. The knock on her door made her bury her face into her arms and cry harder.
'Selphie? Please... can I come in?' It was Zell, he had followed her.
'No go away.' She yelled. She heard the door click open and felt him come in. 'Don't you ever listen to anyone?' She asked through gritted teeth.
'No. Nobody.' He told her, he came and sat on the bed next to where she was. 'You going to talk to me?'
'No!'
'Please Selphie, I don't know much but, I do care about you. There's too many people that let what happens to them affect them for the rest of their life. You can either let the past trap you, or you can change with it, you can own it, make it yours... then nobody can ever hurt you with it.' He stroked her hair as he talked, trying to calm her. She turned her face up to him.
'Nobody can ever hurt you with it? What if it stares at you in the mirror everyday? What if it leaves a scar across your whole body... tell me what do you do then?' She asked breathing hard... angrily. He stared at her wordlessly and put his hand over hers. The compassion in his eyes made her want to cry again. She lifted her fringe and showed him the scales. 'Look at these... what do I look like now? Please tell me.' Her chin trembled with the force of holding back tears, he put his hand on her cheek and smiled.
'To me? You look like Selphie.' He tilted his head and his blue eyes crinkled gently at the corners. 'And reguardless of what you think you look like... to me you're beautiful.' She stared at him for a moment and shook her head. Then she stood.
'Don't lie to me Zell... I'm hideous.' His mouth opened in surprise. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him.
'No... You aren't. And even if you were, you'd still be the same Selphie that I've fallen in love with. You really want to know what I think of the scales? I think they're gorgeous, and not for the reason that Jill gave, they're gorgeous because they are part of you.' She looked up at him with her mouth slightly parted, he took that oppertunity to kiss her. She didn't respond at first but she slowly put one hand up to his face and he felt salty tears drip down her cheeks as she snaked her arms around his neck. He felt himself panting as they broke apart. He looked down into her face. 'Are you aware how long I've wanted to do that.' He held her close to him and he felt her heart thumping along with his. She whispered in his ear something that made his heart nearly break with pure ecstasy.
'I love you too.'
She felt so right with her head leant into his chest, he was content to just hold her as he breathed in the scent of her. She moved her head to look up at him and smiled gently. 'I've missed you.' She told him simply, honestly. And he grinned.
'Let's hope you don't want to get rid of me in a few days, because I don't want to ever go away from you again.' She laughed joyfully and bent her head up to his and they sealed their new found happiness with a kiss. Of course, times would change, but that doesn't mean that things can't stay the same.
~The end~
Author's note ~ Yay! I've finished... finally... all twenty one chapters of this story... now I'm free... free I tells ya ^_^ Hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.