Regretting Nothing - Part 19
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. As I have said before.
Author's Note: Sidney's life has gotten really uncomfortable in such a short while. They're a bit more to go (I haven't total finished yet, as of writing this). Hang in there. All will be revealed soon.
"Chris. I…what can I say?" said Sidney. That's why he had a weird look on his face. It was a hurt look on his face.
"Well?" asked Chris. He actually glared at her. He rarely did it, but he did.
"Chris, I can explain everything I swear," pleaded Sidney.
"Can you?" asked Chris. There was a mocking tone in his voice.
"Just give me a chance. That's all I'm asking," she begged in a whisper.
"Fine. I want to be fair about this," said Chris.
"Look. They are watching me. We can't meet here. We have to meet somewhere else. Other than here. Angie, you, and I have to meet somewhere, where they can't be nearby," said in a whisper Sidney. Chris' eyes went up in alarm. 'Were they watching her right now?' thought Chris.
"Alright, we'll meet tomorrow at my lab. Come there by ten," said Chris turning off the videophone. He didn't even say goodbye. Sidney didn't want to know if there was someone outside at that very moment watching her.
* * *
Chris' lab was probably the safest place to be in at this point. It was like a fortress. Even if, Heero had managed to get inside before. Chris was smart enough to put the security on rotating protocols. Angie and Sid arrive a little before ten. So, they were already in his office. He had turned off the camera and sound recorder there for the added privacy. Sidney was still nervous.
"I have something to tell the both of you," said Sidney, " I thought that I wouldn't have to. But, my past has caught up with me."
"What is it?" asked Angie. Chris motioned her to be quiet. Angie kept quiet.
"I haven't been completely honest with you both. I had a different life before you knew me. I was someone else. I ran away from it all. I made a whole new life for myself. My name was originally Relena Darlian Peacecraft," Sidney said lowering her eyes. Chris had no expression on his face. Angie had a look of deep thought on her face.
"So, that's why you look like someone I had seen before when I first meet you. But, I quickly dismissed my suspicions. Besides, you didn't act like her at all. I mean yourself," corrected Angie.
"Wait, you had a feeling before. Why didn't you tell me?" asked Chris in exasperated tone.
"Well, I didn't think about it by the time we meet. I had sort of forgotten it. Besides, by that time Sidney didn't look very much like Relena. Or herself? I am so confused," replied Angie who was rubbing her chin.
"I don't believe this. Sidney - Relena whatever the hell your name happens to be! How could you lie to both of us for so long? We are your best friends!" said Chris in an angry voice, "Sure, I lied about the grades. But, that was only about grades. You are a liar. You lied. You lied about your whole life. Is it possible that our whole friendship was a lie? How long were you going to continuing lying to us, if I hadn't found out?"
Sidney couldn't say anything to that because it was all true. All she did was wince at the words. Chris looked at her and his glared soften. He couldn't stand to see her hurt even for a minute. She was still his best friend after all.
"How did you find out, Chris?" said Angie who wanted to cut the thick tension in the room.
"Heero Yuy from the Preventers. An old acquaintance of our Sidney here came to this lab under the lie that he wanted to hire us. He stole a picture off the board over there," he gestured, "I found out from the security cameras. So, I called her and asked her. I got suspicious. Okay? But, that isn't as wrong as lying to us for five years."
"Why did he take the picture?" asked Angie.
"I have no idea. I think he was just here to check me out. He must have found out about the both of us, Angie," said Chris. He ran his fingers through is rich, thick hair.
"It wasn't all a lie…" said Sidney in soft voice. She looked up at both of them, she had sat down after Chris started to talk about Heero. Both Chris and Angie focused their attention back to her.
"I just couldn't say anything, Chris. All the friends I ever had before you two only liked me because of my name. It got to the point where the lie was too old. It was like quicksand. I wanted to tell you. I thought that I would lose you both. I thought that you wouldn't want to be my friends anymore," said Sidney in a sad, hopeless voice. The last part was only a whisper. That had been one of her underlying fears. Losing them. Losing the only friends she ever really had.
"How could you believe that?" said Angie coming to Sidney's side, "After all, we've been through." Angie gave Sidney a hug. She kept holding her.
"Why did you leave?" asked Chris, "Surely, being one of the most powerful people in the world must have meant something."
Sidney looked at him. Angie and Chris looked at each other. Sidney realized that they would never truly understand. But, that meant she couldn't try to explain.
"Because I felt like I was dying. I wasn't allowed to be me. I was doing what everyone else expected out of me. When I wasn't living up to my own expectations. There was too much pressure. Everyone expected me to handle everything. They thought that just because I could act like an adult, that I was an adult. I was a child. If the world had crumbled, it would have been my fault. Everyday I was just going through the motions. There was no feeling to it. I was numb. Everyday I felt a part of me was dying. My soul was being taken from me. There was always security around. It made me feel trapped. Suffocated. Then, my mother died. I felt like I had to get out of there before some form of cancer got to me. Not cancer like your cells attacking your body, but the kind of cancer that eats away at your soul," she finished her voice was barely above a whisper.
"How did you get out of there?" asked Angie.
"It must have been difficult. Considering how much security they would have around you," said Chris.
"That was the beauty of it. The day my mother wrote about her cancer was the day I had gotten my test results. My test results gave me something I never had before. Brains. " said Sid with a smile on her face.
"I have to tell you. No offense, but Relena Darlian never stroked me as highly intelligent. Average, maybe," said Chris.
"None taken. Relena Darlian stopped existing a long time ago. You see how bad it was for me to even know about myself. And, there I was expected to know everything about the inner workings of peace," as Sidney said this she threw her arms into the air.
"Well, are you going to continue?" asked Angie.
"I took up the most interesting hobby in between meetings and speeches. I decided to design a computer virus. It took about six weeks to make the core of it, but it was worth it. I also forged documents and made a small nest egg. My mother and I had regular visits together. We talked about life and how it should be lived. My mother told me never to live a life with regret. Then, I realized that I was regretting everything, so I decided to make a new life of my own," said Sidney in a far off voice.
"What does that have to do with a computer virus you programmed as a hobby?" asked Angie. Angie could work medical equipment, but when came to such things as the inner workings of a computer, she didn't know much.
"Because of the fact that it could be used to buy her sometime, Angie. A virus that has to be programmed longer is better and more effective," answered Chris " I wouldn't want to unscramble a mess like that."
"What will happen now, Sidney?" asked Angie. She didn't care that her original name was Relena. She was Sidney her friend.
"I think they'll drag me back," answered Sidney in a sad voice.
"But, that would be foolish. The world is at peace now. It has been for over five years. Not to insult you further, but Wei Robinson is doing a better job than you, Sidney," commented Chris.
"I won't matter to them. I ran from my responsibilities. But, you see I was never really prepared for them. They just pushed me in and said 'Here do the job,'" said Sidney.
"We can't let them just take her, Chris!" exclaimed Angie.
"I still don't see why you don't want to go back," said Chris in a soft voice. He was analyzing the situation. This made him a good judge of character. And of life in general.
"Because all they have to do is expose me. It's as simple as that, Chris. All they have to say is that I am Relena Darlian Peacecraft, and every thing I have worked for and earned on my own will be gone. It will be taken from me. Everything. My medical license. My diploma. My career. My life. No patient will trust me to treat them. I know I lied about my name, but I never lied about the person I became. They want to take who I am. They don't care that it will hurt me. They just want me back there to be the mindless pretty diplomat that I was before. It will also be a form of punishment for leaving my responsibilities behind. They think I can still do the job. But, I can't do it anymore. I grew to hate it. How can I do something I don't love? I love medicine. It means more than being a diplomat. When you're a diplomat you just talk about how to make things better for people, but you don't deal with real people. When you're a doctor, you get to actually see people get better. You're there when they need you," said Sidney.
Chris realized another thing that made Sidney his best friend. Angie, too. They were compassionate people. They were passionate about what they did.
"Alright, we have to fix this somehow," said Chris in an authoritative voice.
"How?" said Sidney, "They'll find a way to take everything."
"Why don't you just leave again? You've done it before. We'll help you, Sidney," offered Angie.
"No," answered Sidney in a firm tone. She shook her head.
"But, we'll help you get out of here," intoned Chris.
"Don't you see that's what they'll expect out of me?" asked Sidney. She first looked Angie in the eye, and then Chris.
"If you don't leave, then they'll drag you back. You'll lose who you are. We'll lose you, Sidney," said Angie. Her eyes looked sad.
"I have to make my stand here. I won't standby and let them take what's mine. I have too much to lose now. I didn't have the strength to stand up on my own. Now, I do. And that's exactly what I intend," Sidney said in a very firm tone. Her eyes were light up with a fire. She looked downright defiant.
"We'll help you. We are your family," said Angie. She looked at Chris. Chris nodded.
"You said that they were watching you. That means that you can't go back to your apartment. Let me check something," said Chris as he sat down at the computer.
"What are you checking, Chris?" asked Angie.
"From my experience in this business, when someone is placed under surveillance they usually don't limit themselves to just spying outside, but they usually put in cameras. If there are any, they could have been put in at anytime, and you wouldn't know about it. Wait…there's a signal coming from her apartment. Yes, they put in cameras all right," announced Chris.
"What? I should have known better. It's been so long since I've dealt with these people that I forgot what they were capable of. How could I have been so stupid?!" yelled Sidney. She ran her fingers through her hair. She was now mad. It didn't take much to see who did it. Heero. It was always Heero. Her eyes narrowed.
Angie and Chris looked at her. They were sort of scared by her reaction. They knew that she was mad. They have seen her mad before. But, never like this.
"Do you want me to cut the signal?" asked Chris in a timid voice. Sidney gave him a sharp glare. "All right then. I'll cut the signal. They will be able to detect it. But, I'll send another signal to intercept it at the same time. And find out if any of the Preventers are far from their source," said Chris. He typed some more. And when he was done. He looked up. He knew that the Preventers was a government agency and ran on a special signal that wouldn't be interrupted, and was for a more secured line. Chris took a perverted pleasure messing with a government agency. He enjoys such challenges.
"That's it. The signal been cut and scrambled. They should be sending someone over there to see who tampered with the signal. I'll send a signal to intercept them. Then, I'll go and find the cameras and return them," said Chris.
"If I were you I would take a sledge hammer to them," said Angie who was narrowing her eyes and had her arms folded over her chest.
"No. I want to meet them all myself. For now, give me your keys, Sid. I'll go to your place. Here are my keys. Stay at my apartment for now. Angie drive her to my apartment. We'll just have to leave your car here in the parking garage. Take Angie's car. They don't know how it looks like," instructed Chris. He and Sidney traded keys. Sidney also took a disk out of her bag, and handed it to Chris.
"What is it?" asked Chris looking at her.
"Something that might be useful. Modify it any way you can. But, be careful with your own systems," said Sidney with a smile on her face.
"Alright, but we have to work fast. I'll pick up your clothes. Do you want any kind of clothes in particular? Otherwise, I'll pick up the things on hand," asked Chris, and he inserted the disk into a computer that wasn't part of the office's network.
"I don't care," said Sidney. She was mad. She was thinking about the invasion of her privacy.
"We'll let's get going. We can't waste any more time," suggested Angie.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. As I have said before.
Author's Note: Sidney's life has gotten really uncomfortable in such a short while. They're a bit more to go (I haven't total finished yet, as of writing this). Hang in there. All will be revealed soon.
"Chris. I…what can I say?" said Sidney. That's why he had a weird look on his face. It was a hurt look on his face.
"Well?" asked Chris. He actually glared at her. He rarely did it, but he did.
"Chris, I can explain everything I swear," pleaded Sidney.
"Can you?" asked Chris. There was a mocking tone in his voice.
"Just give me a chance. That's all I'm asking," she begged in a whisper.
"Fine. I want to be fair about this," said Chris.
"Look. They are watching me. We can't meet here. We have to meet somewhere else. Other than here. Angie, you, and I have to meet somewhere, where they can't be nearby," said in a whisper Sidney. Chris' eyes went up in alarm. 'Were they watching her right now?' thought Chris.
"Alright, we'll meet tomorrow at my lab. Come there by ten," said Chris turning off the videophone. He didn't even say goodbye. Sidney didn't want to know if there was someone outside at that very moment watching her.
* * *
Chris' lab was probably the safest place to be in at this point. It was like a fortress. Even if, Heero had managed to get inside before. Chris was smart enough to put the security on rotating protocols. Angie and Sid arrive a little before ten. So, they were already in his office. He had turned off the camera and sound recorder there for the added privacy. Sidney was still nervous.
"I have something to tell the both of you," said Sidney, " I thought that I wouldn't have to. But, my past has caught up with me."
"What is it?" asked Angie. Chris motioned her to be quiet. Angie kept quiet.
"I haven't been completely honest with you both. I had a different life before you knew me. I was someone else. I ran away from it all. I made a whole new life for myself. My name was originally Relena Darlian Peacecraft," Sidney said lowering her eyes. Chris had no expression on his face. Angie had a look of deep thought on her face.
"So, that's why you look like someone I had seen before when I first meet you. But, I quickly dismissed my suspicions. Besides, you didn't act like her at all. I mean yourself," corrected Angie.
"Wait, you had a feeling before. Why didn't you tell me?" asked Chris in exasperated tone.
"Well, I didn't think about it by the time we meet. I had sort of forgotten it. Besides, by that time Sidney didn't look very much like Relena. Or herself? I am so confused," replied Angie who was rubbing her chin.
"I don't believe this. Sidney - Relena whatever the hell your name happens to be! How could you lie to both of us for so long? We are your best friends!" said Chris in an angry voice, "Sure, I lied about the grades. But, that was only about grades. You are a liar. You lied. You lied about your whole life. Is it possible that our whole friendship was a lie? How long were you going to continuing lying to us, if I hadn't found out?"
Sidney couldn't say anything to that because it was all true. All she did was wince at the words. Chris looked at her and his glared soften. He couldn't stand to see her hurt even for a minute. She was still his best friend after all.
"How did you find out, Chris?" said Angie who wanted to cut the thick tension in the room.
"Heero Yuy from the Preventers. An old acquaintance of our Sidney here came to this lab under the lie that he wanted to hire us. He stole a picture off the board over there," he gestured, "I found out from the security cameras. So, I called her and asked her. I got suspicious. Okay? But, that isn't as wrong as lying to us for five years."
"Why did he take the picture?" asked Angie.
"I have no idea. I think he was just here to check me out. He must have found out about the both of us, Angie," said Chris. He ran his fingers through is rich, thick hair.
"It wasn't all a lie…" said Sidney in soft voice. She looked up at both of them, she had sat down after Chris started to talk about Heero. Both Chris and Angie focused their attention back to her.
"I just couldn't say anything, Chris. All the friends I ever had before you two only liked me because of my name. It got to the point where the lie was too old. It was like quicksand. I wanted to tell you. I thought that I would lose you both. I thought that you wouldn't want to be my friends anymore," said Sidney in a sad, hopeless voice. The last part was only a whisper. That had been one of her underlying fears. Losing them. Losing the only friends she ever really had.
"How could you believe that?" said Angie coming to Sidney's side, "After all, we've been through." Angie gave Sidney a hug. She kept holding her.
"Why did you leave?" asked Chris, "Surely, being one of the most powerful people in the world must have meant something."
Sidney looked at him. Angie and Chris looked at each other. Sidney realized that they would never truly understand. But, that meant she couldn't try to explain.
"Because I felt like I was dying. I wasn't allowed to be me. I was doing what everyone else expected out of me. When I wasn't living up to my own expectations. There was too much pressure. Everyone expected me to handle everything. They thought that just because I could act like an adult, that I was an adult. I was a child. If the world had crumbled, it would have been my fault. Everyday I was just going through the motions. There was no feeling to it. I was numb. Everyday I felt a part of me was dying. My soul was being taken from me. There was always security around. It made me feel trapped. Suffocated. Then, my mother died. I felt like I had to get out of there before some form of cancer got to me. Not cancer like your cells attacking your body, but the kind of cancer that eats away at your soul," she finished her voice was barely above a whisper.
"How did you get out of there?" asked Angie.
"It must have been difficult. Considering how much security they would have around you," said Chris.
"That was the beauty of it. The day my mother wrote about her cancer was the day I had gotten my test results. My test results gave me something I never had before. Brains. " said Sid with a smile on her face.
"I have to tell you. No offense, but Relena Darlian never stroked me as highly intelligent. Average, maybe," said Chris.
"None taken. Relena Darlian stopped existing a long time ago. You see how bad it was for me to even know about myself. And, there I was expected to know everything about the inner workings of peace," as Sidney said this she threw her arms into the air.
"Well, are you going to continue?" asked Angie.
"I took up the most interesting hobby in between meetings and speeches. I decided to design a computer virus. It took about six weeks to make the core of it, but it was worth it. I also forged documents and made a small nest egg. My mother and I had regular visits together. We talked about life and how it should be lived. My mother told me never to live a life with regret. Then, I realized that I was regretting everything, so I decided to make a new life of my own," said Sidney in a far off voice.
"What does that have to do with a computer virus you programmed as a hobby?" asked Angie. Angie could work medical equipment, but when came to such things as the inner workings of a computer, she didn't know much.
"Because of the fact that it could be used to buy her sometime, Angie. A virus that has to be programmed longer is better and more effective," answered Chris " I wouldn't want to unscramble a mess like that."
"What will happen now, Sidney?" asked Angie. She didn't care that her original name was Relena. She was Sidney her friend.
"I think they'll drag me back," answered Sidney in a sad voice.
"But, that would be foolish. The world is at peace now. It has been for over five years. Not to insult you further, but Wei Robinson is doing a better job than you, Sidney," commented Chris.
"I won't matter to them. I ran from my responsibilities. But, you see I was never really prepared for them. They just pushed me in and said 'Here do the job,'" said Sidney.
"We can't let them just take her, Chris!" exclaimed Angie.
"I still don't see why you don't want to go back," said Chris in a soft voice. He was analyzing the situation. This made him a good judge of character. And of life in general.
"Because all they have to do is expose me. It's as simple as that, Chris. All they have to say is that I am Relena Darlian Peacecraft, and every thing I have worked for and earned on my own will be gone. It will be taken from me. Everything. My medical license. My diploma. My career. My life. No patient will trust me to treat them. I know I lied about my name, but I never lied about the person I became. They want to take who I am. They don't care that it will hurt me. They just want me back there to be the mindless pretty diplomat that I was before. It will also be a form of punishment for leaving my responsibilities behind. They think I can still do the job. But, I can't do it anymore. I grew to hate it. How can I do something I don't love? I love medicine. It means more than being a diplomat. When you're a diplomat you just talk about how to make things better for people, but you don't deal with real people. When you're a doctor, you get to actually see people get better. You're there when they need you," said Sidney.
Chris realized another thing that made Sidney his best friend. Angie, too. They were compassionate people. They were passionate about what they did.
"Alright, we have to fix this somehow," said Chris in an authoritative voice.
"How?" said Sidney, "They'll find a way to take everything."
"Why don't you just leave again? You've done it before. We'll help you, Sidney," offered Angie.
"No," answered Sidney in a firm tone. She shook her head.
"But, we'll help you get out of here," intoned Chris.
"Don't you see that's what they'll expect out of me?" asked Sidney. She first looked Angie in the eye, and then Chris.
"If you don't leave, then they'll drag you back. You'll lose who you are. We'll lose you, Sidney," said Angie. Her eyes looked sad.
"I have to make my stand here. I won't standby and let them take what's mine. I have too much to lose now. I didn't have the strength to stand up on my own. Now, I do. And that's exactly what I intend," Sidney said in a very firm tone. Her eyes were light up with a fire. She looked downright defiant.
"We'll help you. We are your family," said Angie. She looked at Chris. Chris nodded.
"You said that they were watching you. That means that you can't go back to your apartment. Let me check something," said Chris as he sat down at the computer.
"What are you checking, Chris?" asked Angie.
"From my experience in this business, when someone is placed under surveillance they usually don't limit themselves to just spying outside, but they usually put in cameras. If there are any, they could have been put in at anytime, and you wouldn't know about it. Wait…there's a signal coming from her apartment. Yes, they put in cameras all right," announced Chris.
"What? I should have known better. It's been so long since I've dealt with these people that I forgot what they were capable of. How could I have been so stupid?!" yelled Sidney. She ran her fingers through her hair. She was now mad. It didn't take much to see who did it. Heero. It was always Heero. Her eyes narrowed.
Angie and Chris looked at her. They were sort of scared by her reaction. They knew that she was mad. They have seen her mad before. But, never like this.
"Do you want me to cut the signal?" asked Chris in a timid voice. Sidney gave him a sharp glare. "All right then. I'll cut the signal. They will be able to detect it. But, I'll send another signal to intercept it at the same time. And find out if any of the Preventers are far from their source," said Chris. He typed some more. And when he was done. He looked up. He knew that the Preventers was a government agency and ran on a special signal that wouldn't be interrupted, and was for a more secured line. Chris took a perverted pleasure messing with a government agency. He enjoys such challenges.
"That's it. The signal been cut and scrambled. They should be sending someone over there to see who tampered with the signal. I'll send a signal to intercept them. Then, I'll go and find the cameras and return them," said Chris.
"If I were you I would take a sledge hammer to them," said Angie who was narrowing her eyes and had her arms folded over her chest.
"No. I want to meet them all myself. For now, give me your keys, Sid. I'll go to your place. Here are my keys. Stay at my apartment for now. Angie drive her to my apartment. We'll just have to leave your car here in the parking garage. Take Angie's car. They don't know how it looks like," instructed Chris. He and Sidney traded keys. Sidney also took a disk out of her bag, and handed it to Chris.
"What is it?" asked Chris looking at her.
"Something that might be useful. Modify it any way you can. But, be careful with your own systems," said Sidney with a smile on her face.
"Alright, but we have to work fast. I'll pick up your clothes. Do you want any kind of clothes in particular? Otherwise, I'll pick up the things on hand," asked Chris, and he inserted the disk into a computer that wasn't part of the office's network.
"I don't care," said Sidney. She was mad. She was thinking about the invasion of her privacy.
"We'll let's get going. We can't waste any more time," suggested Angie.