Regretting Nothing - Part 23
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I still own Chris, Angie, and the rest of the new made up characters.
Author's Note: Read, but don't be too hasty about your judgments. This is one of the more depressing parts of this series. You have been warned. Read Nightmares for further information, if you haven't already. However, that is for more detail. There is a summarization. This is the longest part. It's deep and sad. Sidney's pain has caught up with her.
Angie had come up with an excuse for Sidney not to be at the emergency room. Angie told them that Sidney was on sick leave. Which, in Angie's eyes was true. Sidney had been at Chris for little over twenty-four hours. While, Angie was in her condo in Norfolk, Sidney and Chris passed the time by playing pool and working out. It seemed as if Sidney didn't want to talk. Chris however kept his ears open for any indication that Sidney wanted to talk.
'You got to give her some time. She's been holding it in for years. She's not going to let go that easily,' thought Chris. He was at his keyboard playing some music. Sidney watched him play for a little bit, and then she sat next to him, and began to play with him.
"Are you sure that you are all right?" asked Chris in soft voice.
"I'm fine," Sidney answered in a soft voice as she finished off the last part of the piece. At the odd moment, a memory came back. A woman was playing a song on the piano. There was a young light blond haired boy sitting with her, and watching with deep fascination as she gently played music. The boy had light blue eyes. He had a smile on his face.
"Sidney? What are you thinking? I'm not a mind reader, Sidney. Do you want anything?" asked Chris with concern written on his face.
"Yeah. Look, I am feeling a little homesick. I guess that must be it," Sidney said in a soft voice.
"Well, if you want to go home right now, I'll drop you off. Then, I'll bring your car back later. There should be no more trouble in your apartment. I've kept an eye on it, and it's been quiet for a while now," reassured Chris. He was really worried about her, but didn't want to make her feel anymore homesick by forcing her to stay.
"No. That's all right. But, Chris…never mind it just sound crazy or silly," whispered Sidney.
"What? If there's anything you need from your place, I'll pick it up for you," said Chris. He didn't mind leaving her in the apartment alone because he trusted her to be all right.
"There's a doll on the nightstand. It's next to the lamp. Could you or Angie bring it here for me?" Sidney asked in a timid voice. It was a small request in the eyes of many, but an important to one to her.
"I'll pick it up and bring it right back here for you, Sidney," with that Chris left with no questions asked.
* * *
Milliardo and Heero couldn't find where Sidney/Relena had gone. Heero found out that Dr. Marquette was on sick leave for some unknown reason. Heero knew that it wasn't because she was sick, but that she was getting away from them.
"Do you think she went on the run again?" asked Duo.
"I don't think so," said Milliardo with a sigh. "She's just waiting for us to go away."
"Do you think Ryan told her about the…" Duo cut himself off. He didn't want Milliardo to explode again.
"Yes, I think Ryan told her about the camera. He strikes me as a honorable man," said Milliardo in a soft voice. Everyone in the room was surprised. Milliardo never complimented someone openly unless they were really special.
Quatre remained quiet. All the other Gundam pilots had noticed that he was quieter than normal. Even Heero, who was looking at him. 'What has he been thinking about all this time?' thought Heero.
* * *
Chris came back quickly with the doll for Sidney. It was an old doll. Sidney waited for him. She was sitting on the floor wearing a white tank top and flannel pajama bottoms. She had made a fire in the fireplace, and the lights were off. She looked the fire with intensity.
Chris' first reaction after he opened the door was to turn on the lights.
"Don't turn on the light, please. I just want to be in the dark for a while," whispered Sidney in a plea.
"Oh. I brought back your doll for you. I even buckled her into the front passenger seat for you, so that she got here safely," said Chris with a smile. He really did do that.
"Thanks," Sidney answered in a whisper. She didn't get up off the hardwood floor. Chris took off his coat and hung it on one of the hooks near the door. After putting the doll safely on the counter. He picked it back up, and walked up to her. She was sitting Indian style on the floor.
"Here."
She took it into her hands. Her eyes looked reflected the fire. Sidney used her hands, and expertly opened the back of the doll, and drew something silver out of it. It was a necklace.
"This is for you, Chris. It belonged to my father. It's a St. Francis medal. My mother gave it to him, after they first met. The first part of the prayer is, well you already know, 'Lord make me an instrument of your Peace,'" whispered Sidney as she handed it to him. His eyes widened in surprise.
"Thanks. I don't know what to say. Are you sure?" asked Chris. She nodded. He undid the clasp, and placed it around his neck.
"It looks good on you. I picked it up the last time I went home. My parents' house is outside Berlin in the countryside. The medal was in my mother's jewelry box. It was one of my father's prized possession when he was alive. Then, later it became my mother's. Now, it's yours. My doll, her name is Cosette. My father, the King, brought it home with him when he went away for one of his speeches. He brought the doll, and a new practice sword for Milliardo. I was really little, but I remember it. I remember a lot of things."
"Hey. You went home?"
"Yes. I went home every once in a while. I still do. There is only one maid left and a groundskeeper who keep the place up. Milliardo only went there once. So, they never had to lie about me going there. I found Cosette in the attic."
"So, you've had that doll with you since you were little. I have a stuffed penguin that my dad bought me one winter when we went skating at a park near a zoo in Central Park."
"Yes. I had it when my brother first left me behind. I was about my niece's age," whispered Sidney. Chris didn't say anything, but he looked at her. She put the doll in a sitting position, and Sidney stretched out her body. Sidney laid on her left side and faced the fire. She didn't complain about the floor being hard or cold. Chris didn't want to bring it up. Her breathing was quiet.
"This fire reminds me of that day. I don't remember much about that day. I was so little. I do remember wandering around the dark corridors of the castle. I went into the only room that had any light in it. It was the throne room. My mother, the Queen, was laying on the floor near one of the thrones. I tried to wake her up…but, she couldn't. I didn't know at the time that she was already dead. She looked so peaceful, like she was asleep," whispered Sidney.
Chris shook his head. No child should see their parent like that. Especially, not his best friend. Her breathing was getting sallow. It sounded as if she was swallowing tears. She scrunched herself up a little bit in fetal-like position.
"Then, I heard some men down in one of the other yards…they took my father outside. They dragged him outside. There was a man who stood behind him. My father's hair and beard were cut, and his clothes were torn. It looked like they had tortured him."
Chris looked at her. Her eyes were shine with unshed tears. That's why they were so reflective when he first came in.
"The man made my father kneel in front of him with his back turned. Imagine making a king go down on his kneels before you? The man had a gun pointed at the back of his head. Almost touching it. They said something to each other. I couldn't hear. I can't remember either…But, after those words my father leaned his head back…"
Chris' eyes widen in horror. "The man didn't…"
"He did. He shot my father's head. His brains and blood were splattered all over the courtyard. The worse part was the crowd below cheered. They cheered because a great man was dead," Sidney finished she was barely audible. Her body shuddered. Chris laid his hand on her shoulder. He could feel her tremble under his touch. He couldn't believe that a small child could witness something like that, and survive it.
"How did you get out?"
"My brother carried me out of the throne room. He found his way through one of the secret passages that ran under the castle. He let me ride on his back. When we got outside, someone tried to pull me off his back, but I started to scream. Milliardo got mad and glared at him. He ordered him not to touch me."
"Well, I guess that's something to thank him for."
"That's not it. When we got to some place where the trees had stop, there were the Darlians waiting for us. My father had worked with the King closely, and had admired his vision. Milliardo looked at them, and said that I had to go with them. I panicked and dropped Cosette, and then I held on to Milliardo's waist. He kept saying that he would be back, and that he would be there for me. I wouldn't listen to him. After that, Milliardo took my arms off him. He turned and left me. I would have ran after him. But, my father was holding me. I kept screaming. I begged him not to leave me. He wouldn't listen to me. He didn't even look back at me. He just left me behind."
"I don't know what to say."
"When I was little I used to have nightmares about it. They went away over time, but they came back after Lady Une killed my father."
"Is that what you dream about at night?"
"So, Angie told you about those."
"Are you mad?"
"No. I guess Angie needed someone to talk to afterwards. Milliardo left me more than once."
"He did?"
"He left again when he decided to led White Fang."
"I remember that. My father and mother kept me out of school. There was nothing to do, but watch the reports."
"Later on when I was kidnapped by Mariemaia's men, Milliardo came back with his Gundam, Tallgeese III. He was part of the Preventers even back then, he was codenamed Wind. I found out after Nion left."
"Nion? Isn't she his wife?"
"Yes. I felt betrayed at first by her desertion. She loves Milliardo very much. She would do anything for him. So, she decided to leave with him. She didn't even say goodbye. Nothing. She just left without a word. She was a disappointment to me. I have no respect for her. She just walked away from me like Milliardo. People always leave me, Chris. Heero left me."
"Heero?"
"Heero would come and go. Just like everyone else. Heero would save me, then leave without a word. He gave me a teddy bear once for my birthday. Then, he left. He saved me from the Barton Foundation, but then in a few weeks he was gone again. I should be used to it by now. But, I'm not. I hate it. All they ever did was save my body, they never did anything for my soul really. Heero would charm me, then leave. Milliardo claimed that he protected me because I was his sister. I need so much more than people just saving me. It's like saving an animal only to kill it later. Everyone always expected me to wait for them to come back from whatever mission they had to do. I couldn't stand it. I am so tired, Chris. I am tired of losing everyone I care about through abandonment or death. I am tired of fighting so hard to justify my existence in this world. I've had enough. I've fought for so long. I give up. They can take my life," Sidney said in a whisper. There was a tear that ran down her cheek.
"We can fight for you, Sidney. You don't have to be alone. You aren't alone. The only reason why I was so upset about you lying to me was because I thought that you didn't trust me. I suppose Angie has better faith in you than I do. I am so sorry. I would never leave you behind. You are one of the best things in my life. You have to also understand, it's not your fault that they left. It's not. They had the choice, and they made the wrong one," Chris rasped as he wiped the tear off her face. He pulled away after that and sat down back in his place on the floor. He was sitting near her head. If she wanted to he would have let her lay her head in his lap, but she didn't. That was alright. Sidney had seen four parents die in one lifetime. She was always so strong, but she was breaking down. She was close to losing it.
"I trust you. I trust you and Angie more than anyone. Your opinions matter to me more than anyone's, Chris. You are the only person who knows all about this. No one else. Because I trust you. Do you trust me?" she whispered. She had her knees pulled up to her chest in a full fetal position.
"Of course, I trust you. I forgive you for everything that's happened. I also apologize for everything I have ever done to you," whispered Chris in a tender tone.
"Thank you. I forgive you too, Chris."
"We'll come up with something, Sid. I won't let you go without a fight. Thank you for everything you have ever given me. Do you want me to tell, Angie? Because I won't if you don't want me to. It can just be between the two of us," whispered Chris. His blue eyes flickered with the flames.
"No. You should tell Angie. She needs to know how important she is to me."
Chris understood why Sidney didn't want to leave. Why she had chosen to stand her ground here, it wasn't her career. She could start over anywhere. It was for Angie and him that she had stayed. It was for them that she was willing to risk her freedom for. Chris looked at the fire as it caught the medal on his chest. Chris thought back to all the conversations that Angie and he had about Sidney's bad nights. Chris thought about the fact that she was heard screaming about being left behind. They let her behind and had forgotten her. It wasn't their intention, but they did. Chris also knew that Heero was so much more to Sidney than she had indicated earlier. Suddenly, Sidney had gotten up and wiped the tears off her face.
"I want to go to bed now, Chris. Good night," Sidney said quietly as she left the room to go to the guest room.
Chris sighed. He hated this whole situation. He had the feeling of helpless. He had never experienced at all. Chris felt her pain. It was very palpable. It hung in the air like spider webs. How could he have not noticed before? If he didn't, how could they not see that they were slowly killing her spirit? That was the best part of her. He pondered such things before he put out the fire, and went to his room.
When Chris was in his master bedroom, he put on a tee shirt and a pair of cotton boxers. And gotten to bed. He went into a light sleep.
* * *
It was around midnight when Sidney had another nightmare. She was tossing and turning. The sheets were being torn apart from the bed. Her breathing was erratic. Then, she started screaming.
"DON'T LEAVE ME! HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME?! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE HERE!!! PLEASE!" Sidney screamed, and her screams were high pitched.
Chris was jolted out of his sleep quick. He got out of his bed quickly, and ran for the guest room.
When he got there, Sidney was tossing and turning. Her arms were flung and her legs were thrashing. Her breathing was hard. Chris didn't know if he should wake her up. He couldn't remember what Angie said to do. Right now, it didn't seem important.
"Sidney, please wake up! Everything's alright. You're safe here," Chris said in a loud voice hoping to snap her out of it. He was coming closer to the bed. Sidney woke up, and there were tears were streaming down her face.
"Chris," Sidney gasped in a soft tortured voice. Her breathing was hard. It was like she couldn't breath at all. Chris came up to her on the bed and held her until she stopped shaking. Chris rubbed her back. The way a parent would to sooth a hurt child. She cried on to his shirt. When she had calmed down a little bit, Chris left for a kitchen, and he came back with some green tea. Her favorite tea. Chris handed it to her and she sipped it. Chris left again and came back with a box of tissues for her. She cleaned up her face, and laid back down. She kept her hand on Chris' arm. Chris looked at her.
"Could you stay until I fall asleep?" she asked in a soft voice.
"I'll be here as long as you need me to be, Sid," Chris responded in a soft voice. He got on the king sized bed with her. He was on the top sheets. She was under the sheets. There was about three feet of space between them. They were facing each other. But, Chris held her hand until he knew that she was asleep. After that, he pulled his arm back, and went to sleep. He decided to stay in the bed for the evening. There was no point to getting up. He wanted to be there in case another nightmare came. He was listening to her breath calmly. Before he went to sleep, also.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I still own Chris, Angie, and the rest of the new made up characters.
Author's Note: Read, but don't be too hasty about your judgments. This is one of the more depressing parts of this series. You have been warned. Read Nightmares for further information, if you haven't already. However, that is for more detail. There is a summarization. This is the longest part. It's deep and sad. Sidney's pain has caught up with her.
Angie had come up with an excuse for Sidney not to be at the emergency room. Angie told them that Sidney was on sick leave. Which, in Angie's eyes was true. Sidney had been at Chris for little over twenty-four hours. While, Angie was in her condo in Norfolk, Sidney and Chris passed the time by playing pool and working out. It seemed as if Sidney didn't want to talk. Chris however kept his ears open for any indication that Sidney wanted to talk.
'You got to give her some time. She's been holding it in for years. She's not going to let go that easily,' thought Chris. He was at his keyboard playing some music. Sidney watched him play for a little bit, and then she sat next to him, and began to play with him.
"Are you sure that you are all right?" asked Chris in soft voice.
"I'm fine," Sidney answered in a soft voice as she finished off the last part of the piece. At the odd moment, a memory came back. A woman was playing a song on the piano. There was a young light blond haired boy sitting with her, and watching with deep fascination as she gently played music. The boy had light blue eyes. He had a smile on his face.
"Sidney? What are you thinking? I'm not a mind reader, Sidney. Do you want anything?" asked Chris with concern written on his face.
"Yeah. Look, I am feeling a little homesick. I guess that must be it," Sidney said in a soft voice.
"Well, if you want to go home right now, I'll drop you off. Then, I'll bring your car back later. There should be no more trouble in your apartment. I've kept an eye on it, and it's been quiet for a while now," reassured Chris. He was really worried about her, but didn't want to make her feel anymore homesick by forcing her to stay.
"No. That's all right. But, Chris…never mind it just sound crazy or silly," whispered Sidney.
"What? If there's anything you need from your place, I'll pick it up for you," said Chris. He didn't mind leaving her in the apartment alone because he trusted her to be all right.
"There's a doll on the nightstand. It's next to the lamp. Could you or Angie bring it here for me?" Sidney asked in a timid voice. It was a small request in the eyes of many, but an important to one to her.
"I'll pick it up and bring it right back here for you, Sidney," with that Chris left with no questions asked.
* * *
Milliardo and Heero couldn't find where Sidney/Relena had gone. Heero found out that Dr. Marquette was on sick leave for some unknown reason. Heero knew that it wasn't because she was sick, but that she was getting away from them.
"Do you think she went on the run again?" asked Duo.
"I don't think so," said Milliardo with a sigh. "She's just waiting for us to go away."
"Do you think Ryan told her about the…" Duo cut himself off. He didn't want Milliardo to explode again.
"Yes, I think Ryan told her about the camera. He strikes me as a honorable man," said Milliardo in a soft voice. Everyone in the room was surprised. Milliardo never complimented someone openly unless they were really special.
Quatre remained quiet. All the other Gundam pilots had noticed that he was quieter than normal. Even Heero, who was looking at him. 'What has he been thinking about all this time?' thought Heero.
* * *
Chris came back quickly with the doll for Sidney. It was an old doll. Sidney waited for him. She was sitting on the floor wearing a white tank top and flannel pajama bottoms. She had made a fire in the fireplace, and the lights were off. She looked the fire with intensity.
Chris' first reaction after he opened the door was to turn on the lights.
"Don't turn on the light, please. I just want to be in the dark for a while," whispered Sidney in a plea.
"Oh. I brought back your doll for you. I even buckled her into the front passenger seat for you, so that she got here safely," said Chris with a smile. He really did do that.
"Thanks," Sidney answered in a whisper. She didn't get up off the hardwood floor. Chris took off his coat and hung it on one of the hooks near the door. After putting the doll safely on the counter. He picked it back up, and walked up to her. She was sitting Indian style on the floor.
"Here."
She took it into her hands. Her eyes looked reflected the fire. Sidney used her hands, and expertly opened the back of the doll, and drew something silver out of it. It was a necklace.
"This is for you, Chris. It belonged to my father. It's a St. Francis medal. My mother gave it to him, after they first met. The first part of the prayer is, well you already know, 'Lord make me an instrument of your Peace,'" whispered Sidney as she handed it to him. His eyes widened in surprise.
"Thanks. I don't know what to say. Are you sure?" asked Chris. She nodded. He undid the clasp, and placed it around his neck.
"It looks good on you. I picked it up the last time I went home. My parents' house is outside Berlin in the countryside. The medal was in my mother's jewelry box. It was one of my father's prized possession when he was alive. Then, later it became my mother's. Now, it's yours. My doll, her name is Cosette. My father, the King, brought it home with him when he went away for one of his speeches. He brought the doll, and a new practice sword for Milliardo. I was really little, but I remember it. I remember a lot of things."
"Hey. You went home?"
"Yes. I went home every once in a while. I still do. There is only one maid left and a groundskeeper who keep the place up. Milliardo only went there once. So, they never had to lie about me going there. I found Cosette in the attic."
"So, you've had that doll with you since you were little. I have a stuffed penguin that my dad bought me one winter when we went skating at a park near a zoo in Central Park."
"Yes. I had it when my brother first left me behind. I was about my niece's age," whispered Sidney. Chris didn't say anything, but he looked at her. She put the doll in a sitting position, and Sidney stretched out her body. Sidney laid on her left side and faced the fire. She didn't complain about the floor being hard or cold. Chris didn't want to bring it up. Her breathing was quiet.
"This fire reminds me of that day. I don't remember much about that day. I was so little. I do remember wandering around the dark corridors of the castle. I went into the only room that had any light in it. It was the throne room. My mother, the Queen, was laying on the floor near one of the thrones. I tried to wake her up…but, she couldn't. I didn't know at the time that she was already dead. She looked so peaceful, like she was asleep," whispered Sidney.
Chris shook his head. No child should see their parent like that. Especially, not his best friend. Her breathing was getting sallow. It sounded as if she was swallowing tears. She scrunched herself up a little bit in fetal-like position.
"Then, I heard some men down in one of the other yards…they took my father outside. They dragged him outside. There was a man who stood behind him. My father's hair and beard were cut, and his clothes were torn. It looked like they had tortured him."
Chris looked at her. Her eyes were shine with unshed tears. That's why they were so reflective when he first came in.
"The man made my father kneel in front of him with his back turned. Imagine making a king go down on his kneels before you? The man had a gun pointed at the back of his head. Almost touching it. They said something to each other. I couldn't hear. I can't remember either…But, after those words my father leaned his head back…"
Chris' eyes widen in horror. "The man didn't…"
"He did. He shot my father's head. His brains and blood were splattered all over the courtyard. The worse part was the crowd below cheered. They cheered because a great man was dead," Sidney finished she was barely audible. Her body shuddered. Chris laid his hand on her shoulder. He could feel her tremble under his touch. He couldn't believe that a small child could witness something like that, and survive it.
"How did you get out?"
"My brother carried me out of the throne room. He found his way through one of the secret passages that ran under the castle. He let me ride on his back. When we got outside, someone tried to pull me off his back, but I started to scream. Milliardo got mad and glared at him. He ordered him not to touch me."
"Well, I guess that's something to thank him for."
"That's not it. When we got to some place where the trees had stop, there were the Darlians waiting for us. My father had worked with the King closely, and had admired his vision. Milliardo looked at them, and said that I had to go with them. I panicked and dropped Cosette, and then I held on to Milliardo's waist. He kept saying that he would be back, and that he would be there for me. I wouldn't listen to him. After that, Milliardo took my arms off him. He turned and left me. I would have ran after him. But, my father was holding me. I kept screaming. I begged him not to leave me. He wouldn't listen to me. He didn't even look back at me. He just left me behind."
"I don't know what to say."
"When I was little I used to have nightmares about it. They went away over time, but they came back after Lady Une killed my father."
"Is that what you dream about at night?"
"So, Angie told you about those."
"Are you mad?"
"No. I guess Angie needed someone to talk to afterwards. Milliardo left me more than once."
"He did?"
"He left again when he decided to led White Fang."
"I remember that. My father and mother kept me out of school. There was nothing to do, but watch the reports."
"Later on when I was kidnapped by Mariemaia's men, Milliardo came back with his Gundam, Tallgeese III. He was part of the Preventers even back then, he was codenamed Wind. I found out after Nion left."
"Nion? Isn't she his wife?"
"Yes. I felt betrayed at first by her desertion. She loves Milliardo very much. She would do anything for him. So, she decided to leave with him. She didn't even say goodbye. Nothing. She just left without a word. She was a disappointment to me. I have no respect for her. She just walked away from me like Milliardo. People always leave me, Chris. Heero left me."
"Heero?"
"Heero would come and go. Just like everyone else. Heero would save me, then leave without a word. He gave me a teddy bear once for my birthday. Then, he left. He saved me from the Barton Foundation, but then in a few weeks he was gone again. I should be used to it by now. But, I'm not. I hate it. All they ever did was save my body, they never did anything for my soul really. Heero would charm me, then leave. Milliardo claimed that he protected me because I was his sister. I need so much more than people just saving me. It's like saving an animal only to kill it later. Everyone always expected me to wait for them to come back from whatever mission they had to do. I couldn't stand it. I am so tired, Chris. I am tired of losing everyone I care about through abandonment or death. I am tired of fighting so hard to justify my existence in this world. I've had enough. I've fought for so long. I give up. They can take my life," Sidney said in a whisper. There was a tear that ran down her cheek.
"We can fight for you, Sidney. You don't have to be alone. You aren't alone. The only reason why I was so upset about you lying to me was because I thought that you didn't trust me. I suppose Angie has better faith in you than I do. I am so sorry. I would never leave you behind. You are one of the best things in my life. You have to also understand, it's not your fault that they left. It's not. They had the choice, and they made the wrong one," Chris rasped as he wiped the tear off her face. He pulled away after that and sat down back in his place on the floor. He was sitting near her head. If she wanted to he would have let her lay her head in his lap, but she didn't. That was alright. Sidney had seen four parents die in one lifetime. She was always so strong, but she was breaking down. She was close to losing it.
"I trust you. I trust you and Angie more than anyone. Your opinions matter to me more than anyone's, Chris. You are the only person who knows all about this. No one else. Because I trust you. Do you trust me?" she whispered. She had her knees pulled up to her chest in a full fetal position.
"Of course, I trust you. I forgive you for everything that's happened. I also apologize for everything I have ever done to you," whispered Chris in a tender tone.
"Thank you. I forgive you too, Chris."
"We'll come up with something, Sid. I won't let you go without a fight. Thank you for everything you have ever given me. Do you want me to tell, Angie? Because I won't if you don't want me to. It can just be between the two of us," whispered Chris. His blue eyes flickered with the flames.
"No. You should tell Angie. She needs to know how important she is to me."
Chris understood why Sidney didn't want to leave. Why she had chosen to stand her ground here, it wasn't her career. She could start over anywhere. It was for Angie and him that she had stayed. It was for them that she was willing to risk her freedom for. Chris looked at the fire as it caught the medal on his chest. Chris thought back to all the conversations that Angie and he had about Sidney's bad nights. Chris thought about the fact that she was heard screaming about being left behind. They let her behind and had forgotten her. It wasn't their intention, but they did. Chris also knew that Heero was so much more to Sidney than she had indicated earlier. Suddenly, Sidney had gotten up and wiped the tears off her face.
"I want to go to bed now, Chris. Good night," Sidney said quietly as she left the room to go to the guest room.
Chris sighed. He hated this whole situation. He had the feeling of helpless. He had never experienced at all. Chris felt her pain. It was very palpable. It hung in the air like spider webs. How could he have not noticed before? If he didn't, how could they not see that they were slowly killing her spirit? That was the best part of her. He pondered such things before he put out the fire, and went to his room.
When Chris was in his master bedroom, he put on a tee shirt and a pair of cotton boxers. And gotten to bed. He went into a light sleep.
* * *
It was around midnight when Sidney had another nightmare. She was tossing and turning. The sheets were being torn apart from the bed. Her breathing was erratic. Then, she started screaming.
"DON'T LEAVE ME! HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME?! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE HERE!!! PLEASE!" Sidney screamed, and her screams were high pitched.
Chris was jolted out of his sleep quick. He got out of his bed quickly, and ran for the guest room.
When he got there, Sidney was tossing and turning. Her arms were flung and her legs were thrashing. Her breathing was hard. Chris didn't know if he should wake her up. He couldn't remember what Angie said to do. Right now, it didn't seem important.
"Sidney, please wake up! Everything's alright. You're safe here," Chris said in a loud voice hoping to snap her out of it. He was coming closer to the bed. Sidney woke up, and there were tears were streaming down her face.
"Chris," Sidney gasped in a soft tortured voice. Her breathing was hard. It was like she couldn't breath at all. Chris came up to her on the bed and held her until she stopped shaking. Chris rubbed her back. The way a parent would to sooth a hurt child. She cried on to his shirt. When she had calmed down a little bit, Chris left for a kitchen, and he came back with some green tea. Her favorite tea. Chris handed it to her and she sipped it. Chris left again and came back with a box of tissues for her. She cleaned up her face, and laid back down. She kept her hand on Chris' arm. Chris looked at her.
"Could you stay until I fall asleep?" she asked in a soft voice.
"I'll be here as long as you need me to be, Sid," Chris responded in a soft voice. He got on the king sized bed with her. He was on the top sheets. She was under the sheets. There was about three feet of space between them. They were facing each other. But, Chris held her hand until he knew that she was asleep. After that, he pulled his arm back, and went to sleep. He decided to stay in the bed for the evening. There was no point to getting up. He wanted to be there in case another nightmare came. He was listening to her breath calmly. Before he went to sleep, also.