Regretting Nothing - Part 26
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. And if I make a mistake on something (say, accidentally, with Zechs' mobile suit) only they have the right to sue. Even then, it's still an honest mistake. Written by someone after 12:00 am.
Author's Note: Sidney finally decided to fight smart. She is now thinking clearly and rationally. This is the second to last part of the series. Heero should still be in character, but maybe a little out of character.
"What is there for us to talk about, Heero?" asked Sidney. She didn't know why he needed to talk to her. He never sought her out to talk before. He looked for her to save her, but never to talk to her.
"A lot has happened. I mean over the last five years. You've changed a lot. I haven't changed that much," said Heero in a quiet voice. Since, it was the evening there was very little going on at the parking lot at that hour. So, they had all the privacy they needed.
"Heero, you are right there is a lot that's happened," whispered Sidney.
Heero was grateful that she was talking to him, and didn't tell him to go to Hell again. As far as he was concerned, he already had been through enough Hell. He looked into her blue eyes, and they were very clear. They looked beautiful under the moonlight. Her skin looked so soft. He wanted to touch her. To make sure that she was real.
"Heero, you said that we needed to talk," whispered Sidney. He looked distant, but not the normal distant, Sidney had prior experience to.
"Do you know how long I kept looking for you? I kept going even after Milliardo had to give up to be with his family," said Heero.
"How long?" asked Sidney. She didn't waste any time hacking through the Preventers' files like Chris.
"For two years after you disappeared," Heero confessed. He had missed her all the time that he had been looking for her. Even after that.
"The person you are looking for no longer exists," Sidney informed him. "She died to so that she can live somehow."
"I realized something that day that you came to talk with us. I figured out that the person who I see is the person I have been looking for all along. You've grown up. But, I am sad to say that I didn't," said Heero.
"I think you grew up a little bit. But, then again you were always acting like you were going on thirty, Heero," said Sidney with no humor in her voice.
That was true. Heero never had a childhood. He had lost his parents like her. She was lucky enough to remember them. Loved enough to have another set. Heero never really had anyone in his life. When Relena had left, he felt like he had lost part of himself. She was the person in his life.
"Dr. Sidney Marquette is the person Relena Darlian Peacecraft should have eventually grown up to be in the first place. But, I would still like to know why you left, I think there was a lot more to what you said earlier. Milliardo never said anything when he came back," said Heero.
"You still know me pretty well. I left because everyone else had left too. I felt entitled to leave as well. You left right after the trouble with the Barton Foundation," said Sidney as she closed her eyes, and let out a sigh.
"I had to go on another mission. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me. I never understood why you cared about me so much in the first place," Heero whispered.
"Because it seemed like no one else did, it's not right to live in this world without anyone," said Sidney. Her breathing was steady.
"But, you were the first one to really care," said Heero. "I see the person before as someone I can be with."
Sidney didn't react to this at all. Heero leaned forward, and tilted up her chin so that she could look him directly into his Prussian blue eyes. Heero traced his finger along her chin. His thumb touch her lips for a brief moment. Heero decided to something that he had never done before, dropped his hand, and Sidney stayed in place looking at him. He leaned forward to kiss her.
He was stopped by her soft finger tips. Heero pulled back for a little bit. He looked surprised. Sidney pulled her hand down, and stepped away from him.
Sidney looked at him with a frighten look on her face. Heero felt like punching himself for moving too fast.
"I can't play this game anymore, Heero. I have to move on with my life. We both do. We have to let go," whispered Sidney. It sounded like a plea.
"It was never a game, Relena. I mean Sidney. You can change your name, but you can hide who you are. I let you go one too many times, and I am sorry," Heero said a little louder.
Sidney didn't say anymore. She turned away from him, and walked to the car.
Heero then had an epiphany. He suddenly realized what had cause all the trouble during this mission. Why he was doom to fail in the first place. He became conscious of why he had a lot of trouble with Chris. Heero knew that it was because of how he felt about her. He wasn't sure as to what those feelings were until this moment. It was something that he had felt all along. Heero decided now was the time to say it.
"I love you," he said in an almost inaudible whisper.
Sidney stopped. She had a stricken look on her face. Without turning she answered him.
"There would have been a time when what you just said would have meant the world to me. I don't know if it's good enough anymore," she said. She walked away from him.
* * *
Things seem alright for the time being. Chris however felt that there was something wrong with Sidney still. Like there was something missing. He made it a point to be in tune with her feelings. Angie thought everything was fine, but Chris had his doubts. So, about a week after Sidney had run in to Heero in the parking lot, he decided to pay her a visit at her apartment.
"Hi Chris. How are you?" said Sidney as she hugged and kissed him on the cheek.
"Hi Sidney. I am fine, but I need to talk to you about some thing," said Chris as he hugged and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"What about?" asked Sidney. She was still smiling. But, Chris could see through her.
"I feel like something has happened. Let's not play any guessing games, Sid. I know that everything with your brother is great now. Or at least getting better. But, it's like something that is missing," said Chris.
"There's nothing I can hide from you, but everything is fine. I am feeling much better," insisted Sidney.
"You only talked about what happened with your brother. But, you never talked about Heero Yuy," said Chris.
She stopped. She didn't think that Chris would think of Heero.
"I don't want to talk about him," Sidney whispered.
"Ah. Something did happen," said Chris knowingly. He knew her better than anyone.
"I saw Heero about a week ago," said Sidney, "He said we had to talk. And we did. That's it."
"That's all? What did he say?" asked Chris.
"He said that he loves me," Sidney admitted in a whisper.
"I knew that he did. He had to. No one does things like that without a really good reason. The things people do for love," Chris said with a sigh.
Sidney looked at him. He was right Heero did a lot of things that wasn't normal for him. But, then again, she hasn't dealt with him for the past five years. It was true he had change.
"Well, did you say you love him back?" asked Chris after much silence.
"No. I don't know what I think," said Sidney looking at her hands.
"You didn't say that you love him. Have you lost your mind?" exclaimed Chris. He couldn't believe it.
"What are you a mind reader? I am having a hard enough time as it is," said Sidney defensively.
"Why didn't you?" asked Chris.
"I don't know," answered Sidney.
"I think I know why," said Chris.
"Okay, Mr. Know-it-all, give me your answer because I am stumped," said Sidney with resignation. She folded her arms over her chest.
"You are afraid that he'll take off again," said Chris with a smug look on his face.
Sidney froze. She had to sit down on the couch, and Chris sat next to her. He was looking at her reaction. How could Chris figure out what Sidney had been thinking about for seven days in less than five minutes?
"I think that Heero deserves a break. The guy needs a chance. That's all he's probably what he's asking for Sidney. Give the guy a break. You are being cruel," said Chris.
"I am being cruel. He was the one who kept threatening me and leaving me behind," said Sidney with a touch of anger in her voice. Chris was getting on her nerves. How does he know her better than she knows herself?
"Then be the bigger person, and forgive him. Show him how to be a good person. You did it before," said Chris with a smile on his face.
"It's too much work. I can't take it anymore. I just want my life back to normal," said Sidney.
"Sidney, you know that you love him. Otherwise, you wouldn't feel so hurt," Chris said with a tender tone in his voice. "It's not because he's a guy, and I have to side with him. He is a good person. You may not believe. He may not believe, but he's a good guy. I believe that he's a good guy. He's a lot like me. I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy."
"I don't think I can trust him. I don't even trust myself," Sidney said in a soft voice.
"You said that you trust me. That you trust me and Angie above everyone else. Then, trust me, when I tell you this. Can't you see that you've already won this? That you just didn't win…you won on your own terms. You said that you never wanted to regret anything in your life. Well, if you let this go without a good reason. You will regret this," said Chris in a solemn firm voice.
Chris sighed. Sidney can be very stubborn if she wanted to be, so he continued.
"I think that Heero Yuy has too much to lose this time. I promise you. He can't leave this time. He knows how much he has to lose. He can't afford to lose. It's not his mission to have you in his life. I know that you've been hurt before, and that's also your fear. I'll be there always, just in case. But, I don't think you'll need me to be there for that. Because It's not going to happen. Let me say this again so that you hear me: HE LOVES YOU. Don't let it slip away without giving it a chance. You said that you don't want to be afraid to live your life. But, this is a big one. This is a big chance. Take this chance, you've never been afraid to take a chance. Don't be now. I think the odds are good for both of you. You think he'll leave again. But, please if you have no faith in him or yourself…have faith in me. Trust me. Just talk to him. For me," Chris said earnestly.
Sidney looked at him. Chris was someone who always knew about such things. He was her eyes when she couldn't see things clearly. Just like she was for him.
"I love you very much, Chris. You are my best friend," said Sidney in a soft voice.
"I know you do. I love you, too. But, you are IN love with Heero. And I love you enough to want you to be happy," said Chris with a tender smile on his face.
Sidney leaned forward on the couch and gave him a soft fleeting closed-mouthed kiss on the lips. Chris smiled back at her.
"I can still tell that you don't know what you are going to do, but at least I was able to help you, Sidney," said Chris with a big smile on his face. "I will always care about you and love you."
"Me, too. Thank you," said Sidney.
They talked a while longer. They talked about the plans that Sidney had made to meet with Milliardo later on that month. However, they didn't talk anymore about Heero that night. Chris knew that Sidney had to sort it out on her own.
Chris got up to leave. He was up to the door, and had already said goodbye. But, Sidney had to say something else.
"If it wasn't Heero, it would be you, Chris," said Sidney in a quiet, firm, an eternally honest tone.
Chris gave her a soft smile, and closed the door behind him.
Sidney spent the night thinking about everything. She put everything into perspective. Her decision had to be made.
Author's Note: This is up to you folks. It always bugged me that the Anime girl always tends to (but not all the time) go for the first guy she meets. I just can't think of an exception right now. In this case, it's Heero and Relena. Case in point: in Fushigi Yuugi, there was Tamahome, then three perfectly good choices come along. Namely, Hotohori who was an excellent choice, who had been in love with Miaka longer, even before he had met her. Although, I still like Tamahome. I've had a problem with it. It depends on who the anime girl meets first.
However, here's your chance to participate in my story. For all of you who reviewed, thanks for your opinions. For the many of you who all read it, thank you for keeping up. Now, I have a website. There is a poll to see who Relena should be with. Heero or Chris? There is also the vote where she is independent enough to be on her own. You can vote for that if you wish.
There are some other choices thrown, but won't really count. I think that It's only fair to let you, the reader, decided. But, for whomever wins the vote out, I'll write the ending. I have a fair idea who will win this, but I won't say. It's up to you. Consider your choice carefully. If you have to reread the story, do it. But you don't have to. It's a democracy.
Go the website:
http://www.dreamwater.org/animelunacy.
Go to the guest book. Please sign it, and then go down to "Cast your Ballots" and vote. You can give your reason why in the guest book. But, if you don't want to vote, then you don't have to. However, if you don't like the outcome of the story, don't blame me. Blame the people who voted. Also, you may say who you want in the review, but in order for it to be official you must vote at the site. I know it's a tricky way to get you to come over, but what I really want is just something for the guest book. I guarantee you it will be a fairer vote than the American Presidential elections. I'll see you all in one week. Don't worry after the ending is posted, the poll will still be present. My roommate cut the vote after one week, so that the vote remains as it should be. Sorry about the long wait, but I want anyone who wants to vote to able to. Don't forget me! Later! =^._.^=
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. And if I make a mistake on something (say, accidentally, with Zechs' mobile suit) only they have the right to sue. Even then, it's still an honest mistake. Written by someone after 12:00 am.
Author's Note: Sidney finally decided to fight smart. She is now thinking clearly and rationally. This is the second to last part of the series. Heero should still be in character, but maybe a little out of character.
"What is there for us to talk about, Heero?" asked Sidney. She didn't know why he needed to talk to her. He never sought her out to talk before. He looked for her to save her, but never to talk to her.
"A lot has happened. I mean over the last five years. You've changed a lot. I haven't changed that much," said Heero in a quiet voice. Since, it was the evening there was very little going on at the parking lot at that hour. So, they had all the privacy they needed.
"Heero, you are right there is a lot that's happened," whispered Sidney.
Heero was grateful that she was talking to him, and didn't tell him to go to Hell again. As far as he was concerned, he already had been through enough Hell. He looked into her blue eyes, and they were very clear. They looked beautiful under the moonlight. Her skin looked so soft. He wanted to touch her. To make sure that she was real.
"Heero, you said that we needed to talk," whispered Sidney. He looked distant, but not the normal distant, Sidney had prior experience to.
"Do you know how long I kept looking for you? I kept going even after Milliardo had to give up to be with his family," said Heero.
"How long?" asked Sidney. She didn't waste any time hacking through the Preventers' files like Chris.
"For two years after you disappeared," Heero confessed. He had missed her all the time that he had been looking for her. Even after that.
"The person you are looking for no longer exists," Sidney informed him. "She died to so that she can live somehow."
"I realized something that day that you came to talk with us. I figured out that the person who I see is the person I have been looking for all along. You've grown up. But, I am sad to say that I didn't," said Heero.
"I think you grew up a little bit. But, then again you were always acting like you were going on thirty, Heero," said Sidney with no humor in her voice.
That was true. Heero never had a childhood. He had lost his parents like her. She was lucky enough to remember them. Loved enough to have another set. Heero never really had anyone in his life. When Relena had left, he felt like he had lost part of himself. She was the person in his life.
"Dr. Sidney Marquette is the person Relena Darlian Peacecraft should have eventually grown up to be in the first place. But, I would still like to know why you left, I think there was a lot more to what you said earlier. Milliardo never said anything when he came back," said Heero.
"You still know me pretty well. I left because everyone else had left too. I felt entitled to leave as well. You left right after the trouble with the Barton Foundation," said Sidney as she closed her eyes, and let out a sigh.
"I had to go on another mission. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me. I never understood why you cared about me so much in the first place," Heero whispered.
"Because it seemed like no one else did, it's not right to live in this world without anyone," said Sidney. Her breathing was steady.
"But, you were the first one to really care," said Heero. "I see the person before as someone I can be with."
Sidney didn't react to this at all. Heero leaned forward, and tilted up her chin so that she could look him directly into his Prussian blue eyes. Heero traced his finger along her chin. His thumb touch her lips for a brief moment. Heero decided to something that he had never done before, dropped his hand, and Sidney stayed in place looking at him. He leaned forward to kiss her.
He was stopped by her soft finger tips. Heero pulled back for a little bit. He looked surprised. Sidney pulled her hand down, and stepped away from him.
Sidney looked at him with a frighten look on her face. Heero felt like punching himself for moving too fast.
"I can't play this game anymore, Heero. I have to move on with my life. We both do. We have to let go," whispered Sidney. It sounded like a plea.
"It was never a game, Relena. I mean Sidney. You can change your name, but you can hide who you are. I let you go one too many times, and I am sorry," Heero said a little louder.
Sidney didn't say anymore. She turned away from him, and walked to the car.
Heero then had an epiphany. He suddenly realized what had cause all the trouble during this mission. Why he was doom to fail in the first place. He became conscious of why he had a lot of trouble with Chris. Heero knew that it was because of how he felt about her. He wasn't sure as to what those feelings were until this moment. It was something that he had felt all along. Heero decided now was the time to say it.
"I love you," he said in an almost inaudible whisper.
Sidney stopped. She had a stricken look on her face. Without turning she answered him.
"There would have been a time when what you just said would have meant the world to me. I don't know if it's good enough anymore," she said. She walked away from him.
* * *
Things seem alright for the time being. Chris however felt that there was something wrong with Sidney still. Like there was something missing. He made it a point to be in tune with her feelings. Angie thought everything was fine, but Chris had his doubts. So, about a week after Sidney had run in to Heero in the parking lot, he decided to pay her a visit at her apartment.
"Hi Chris. How are you?" said Sidney as she hugged and kissed him on the cheek.
"Hi Sidney. I am fine, but I need to talk to you about some thing," said Chris as he hugged and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"What about?" asked Sidney. She was still smiling. But, Chris could see through her.
"I feel like something has happened. Let's not play any guessing games, Sid. I know that everything with your brother is great now. Or at least getting better. But, it's like something that is missing," said Chris.
"There's nothing I can hide from you, but everything is fine. I am feeling much better," insisted Sidney.
"You only talked about what happened with your brother. But, you never talked about Heero Yuy," said Chris.
She stopped. She didn't think that Chris would think of Heero.
"I don't want to talk about him," Sidney whispered.
"Ah. Something did happen," said Chris knowingly. He knew her better than anyone.
"I saw Heero about a week ago," said Sidney, "He said we had to talk. And we did. That's it."
"That's all? What did he say?" asked Chris.
"He said that he loves me," Sidney admitted in a whisper.
"I knew that he did. He had to. No one does things like that without a really good reason. The things people do for love," Chris said with a sigh.
Sidney looked at him. He was right Heero did a lot of things that wasn't normal for him. But, then again, she hasn't dealt with him for the past five years. It was true he had change.
"Well, did you say you love him back?" asked Chris after much silence.
"No. I don't know what I think," said Sidney looking at her hands.
"You didn't say that you love him. Have you lost your mind?" exclaimed Chris. He couldn't believe it.
"What are you a mind reader? I am having a hard enough time as it is," said Sidney defensively.
"Why didn't you?" asked Chris.
"I don't know," answered Sidney.
"I think I know why," said Chris.
"Okay, Mr. Know-it-all, give me your answer because I am stumped," said Sidney with resignation. She folded her arms over her chest.
"You are afraid that he'll take off again," said Chris with a smug look on his face.
Sidney froze. She had to sit down on the couch, and Chris sat next to her. He was looking at her reaction. How could Chris figure out what Sidney had been thinking about for seven days in less than five minutes?
"I think that Heero deserves a break. The guy needs a chance. That's all he's probably what he's asking for Sidney. Give the guy a break. You are being cruel," said Chris.
"I am being cruel. He was the one who kept threatening me and leaving me behind," said Sidney with a touch of anger in her voice. Chris was getting on her nerves. How does he know her better than she knows herself?
"Then be the bigger person, and forgive him. Show him how to be a good person. You did it before," said Chris with a smile on his face.
"It's too much work. I can't take it anymore. I just want my life back to normal," said Sidney.
"Sidney, you know that you love him. Otherwise, you wouldn't feel so hurt," Chris said with a tender tone in his voice. "It's not because he's a guy, and I have to side with him. He is a good person. You may not believe. He may not believe, but he's a good guy. I believe that he's a good guy. He's a lot like me. I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy."
"I don't think I can trust him. I don't even trust myself," Sidney said in a soft voice.
"You said that you trust me. That you trust me and Angie above everyone else. Then, trust me, when I tell you this. Can't you see that you've already won this? That you just didn't win…you won on your own terms. You said that you never wanted to regret anything in your life. Well, if you let this go without a good reason. You will regret this," said Chris in a solemn firm voice.
Chris sighed. Sidney can be very stubborn if she wanted to be, so he continued.
"I think that Heero Yuy has too much to lose this time. I promise you. He can't leave this time. He knows how much he has to lose. He can't afford to lose. It's not his mission to have you in his life. I know that you've been hurt before, and that's also your fear. I'll be there always, just in case. But, I don't think you'll need me to be there for that. Because It's not going to happen. Let me say this again so that you hear me: HE LOVES YOU. Don't let it slip away without giving it a chance. You said that you don't want to be afraid to live your life. But, this is a big one. This is a big chance. Take this chance, you've never been afraid to take a chance. Don't be now. I think the odds are good for both of you. You think he'll leave again. But, please if you have no faith in him or yourself…have faith in me. Trust me. Just talk to him. For me," Chris said earnestly.
Sidney looked at him. Chris was someone who always knew about such things. He was her eyes when she couldn't see things clearly. Just like she was for him.
"I love you very much, Chris. You are my best friend," said Sidney in a soft voice.
"I know you do. I love you, too. But, you are IN love with Heero. And I love you enough to want you to be happy," said Chris with a tender smile on his face.
Sidney leaned forward on the couch and gave him a soft fleeting closed-mouthed kiss on the lips. Chris smiled back at her.
"I can still tell that you don't know what you are going to do, but at least I was able to help you, Sidney," said Chris with a big smile on his face. "I will always care about you and love you."
"Me, too. Thank you," said Sidney.
They talked a while longer. They talked about the plans that Sidney had made to meet with Milliardo later on that month. However, they didn't talk anymore about Heero that night. Chris knew that Sidney had to sort it out on her own.
Chris got up to leave. He was up to the door, and had already said goodbye. But, Sidney had to say something else.
"If it wasn't Heero, it would be you, Chris," said Sidney in a quiet, firm, an eternally honest tone.
Chris gave her a soft smile, and closed the door behind him.
Sidney spent the night thinking about everything. She put everything into perspective. Her decision had to be made.
Author's Note: This is up to you folks. It always bugged me that the Anime girl always tends to (but not all the time) go for the first guy she meets. I just can't think of an exception right now. In this case, it's Heero and Relena. Case in point: in Fushigi Yuugi, there was Tamahome, then three perfectly good choices come along. Namely, Hotohori who was an excellent choice, who had been in love with Miaka longer, even before he had met her. Although, I still like Tamahome. I've had a problem with it. It depends on who the anime girl meets first.
However, here's your chance to participate in my story. For all of you who reviewed, thanks for your opinions. For the many of you who all read it, thank you for keeping up. Now, I have a website. There is a poll to see who Relena should be with. Heero or Chris? There is also the vote where she is independent enough to be on her own. You can vote for that if you wish.
There are some other choices thrown, but won't really count. I think that It's only fair to let you, the reader, decided. But, for whomever wins the vote out, I'll write the ending. I have a fair idea who will win this, but I won't say. It's up to you. Consider your choice carefully. If you have to reread the story, do it. But you don't have to. It's a democracy.
Go the website:
http://www.dreamwater.org/animelunacy.
Go to the guest book. Please sign it, and then go down to "Cast your Ballots" and vote. You can give your reason why in the guest book. But, if you don't want to vote, then you don't have to. However, if you don't like the outcome of the story, don't blame me. Blame the people who voted. Also, you may say who you want in the review, but in order for it to be official you must vote at the site. I know it's a tricky way to get you to come over, but what I really want is just something for the guest book. I guarantee you it will be a fairer vote than the American Presidential elections. I'll see you all in one week. Don't worry after the ending is posted, the poll will still be present. My roommate cut the vote after one week, so that the vote remains as it should be. Sorry about the long wait, but I want anyone who wants to vote to able to. Don't forget me! Later! =^._.^=