My God, you guys, this is *so long!* It's really very frightening...honestly, I don't know where it all came from...but luckily for you it's all in little vignettes, so you don't have to concentrate on any one scene or moment for too long, you silly people with your ten-second attention spans. (not that i'm excusing myself; i obviously had the attention span of a gnat when i *wrote* this, so why shouldn't you have it when you *read* this?)
oh yes, and i apologize; something of a Remus shortage in this chapter, sad to say. definitely a peter shortage. it'll get better.
And now, big thanks to all who reviewed part eight: Voicelady, stinkerbell (muah! stinkerbell!), Olive Green, Lilith True (ooh, *two* people reviewed twice...*feels very special*), everlastingwhy (i thought i *did* stamp "expendable" on Jill's forehead! you know, in my first draft she didn't even make an appearance until the scene where she died...), Arabella Figg, my magnificent soz, damia, Viola, Shakira (is that after the singer? because if it is, i love you...no one else I know has even heard of her!), Sherry (write more, sherry! more!), Cassie Cass Cassandra Claire, who suffered through b-reading eighteen pages of first draft....o_O (*cheers for Cassie and dances around her waving pompoms*) peeves_is_peeved, who writes kick-ass music and of course has the world's best musical taste, lone astronomer (the chimney sweep song is mine, i say! mine! *grin* oh, okay, it can be yours too), and Al! All of you go read Dracaena Draco and review it, or I'll kick you in the nose. It's really truly great.
And I'm spent.
schnoogles,
rave
keeper of Sirius's enormous broom (*evil smile*)
p.s. i am not, actually, the keeper of sirius's enormous broom. j.k. rowling is. she's the keeper of everything. except anika, she's mine. MINE. and...er....c'est tout? oh no, "someone to watch over me" belongs to george gershwin and my voice teacher. (mr. williams says: TRILL on the E! TRILL!)
p.p.s. There is SEX in this chapter. non-explicit but definitely implied SEX. and mushy girly stuff. and cute little babies. *shudder* so be warned.
p.p.p.s. to clarify: lily and james don't move into their new house directly after telling ani and sirius they're getting one. they're still living in their hogsmeade apartment for a while. so that should make things a bit less confusing...
p.p.p.p.s. gingerbread heaven still awaits reviewers...*big hopeful puppy eyes*
Bryter Layter--Part Nine
Just for the Moment
"Amen," rumbled the congregation, staring down into the dark hole of Jill Prewett's grave. There was a soft thump as someone threw their handful of grave dirt onto the coffin; Remus felt someone stuff a handful of the dark, rich-smelling loam into his hand, and he opened his fingers, letting it fall softly onto the coffin lid.
The sun broke through the clouds for one shifting moment, and then retreated. It was neither a cruelly sunny day nor a properly rainy one: it was mostly cloudy, and awfully chilly for September. He could see Anika shivering uncontrollably at her place across the grave. Lily had an arm about her friend's shoulders, but Remus knew that Anika's reaction had nothing to do with grief. She'd barely known Jill, at any rate. The girl was ill, there was no denying it.
Or maybe it wasn't simple illness. She'd seemed to be recovering, but then she'd come to the funeral, and at the first scent of fresh grave dirt she'd had a sort of relapse. Remus could see the bright, feverish spots of color at her sharp cheekbones, the dark hollows under her eyes.
He forced himself to look back down at the grave. He wished, desperately wished, that he could feel something--anything besides this vague sort of guilty apathy, nothing quite as concrete as self-blame, nothing quite as violent as sorrow.
Would anything have been different, he wondered, if I'd loved her more? Maybe I could have protected her...or, he realized, if I couldn't love her, I could've had the courage to tell her so.
Anika felt the cold, sluggish water pulling at her ankles, apparently gentle but with a violent, unpredictable undertow...it was a great effort to resist that undertow, to stay within the borders of Life, but Jill's spirit was so close...
You could save her, whispered a nasty little voice at the back of her mind. Just reach into the water and pull her out. Just like the mouse.
No, but that was wrong. Bringing back human beings was an unpleasant business; they could retain their soul in a human body, but the body would rot and the soul would keep burning within it, unable to be released except by another necromancer. Usually the Returned were desperately tragic figures, childlike in their innocence and naivete (for the mind was not necessarily brought back with the soul) unable to do anything but mindlessly obey the commands of the Necromancer who brought them back. Anika shuddered at the thought.
You never asked for this gift, said the cold little voice, it just happened to you. It's not wrong to use it; you were given it for a reason. You could just reach down...into the water...
The chilling current grew still colder and suddenly Anika broke and twisted to her knees, retching into the sparse cold grass as the group of Circle wizards around the grave gasped and turned to see what was wrong. And then there were strong arms around her neck and thighs, and someone was wiping her sweaty hair out of her eyes, and someone was swinging her up and carrying her away, muttering a quick apology to Dumbledore as he did so.
"I'm sorry," moaned Anika. "I'm so sorry."
The voice that replied was smoky and warm...Sirius... "Don't be. You're ill. You shouldn't have come out in the first place."
"I didn't mean to..."
"I know. Shh. Come on, up to your room. You're not going back to that hospital wing, it smells like the insides of shoes in there and you've spent enough time in those crinkly beds anyway."
They had reached the castle and he was carrying her up one of the massive staircases when suddenly she heard a shrill, spiteful voice crowing, "Ooh, what's this then? Am I interrupting a romance novel?"
"Go away, Peeves," said Sirius wearily.
"Going to carry her over the threshold, then? Don't let me distract you," cooed the poltergeist, swooping around them in tight little circles.
"Ani," muttered Sirius under his breath, "what was that spell Remus thought up? The prank-reversal charm?"
"Waddiwassi," whispered Anika. "Quick, those circles are going to make me puke again."
Almost lazily, Sirius produced his wand--somehow managing not to drop her--and pointed it at Peeves. "Waddiwassi!"
Suddenly, Peeves's circles were completely out of control--he was spiraling up into the air, cursing, and then he hit the ceiling with a crash and hovered there, slightly dazed.
"Hurry," said Anika urgently, "before he recovers," and Sirius sprinted up the rest of the staircase to the West Tower room, both of them giggling with relief.
He placed her gently on the bed and pulled the comforter over her, smiling tenderly into her eyes. "Now, don't you dare get up. I'll get you a book and some hot tea and honey, shall I?"
"Thank you, Mother," teased Anika, fighting the nausea that had invaded her stomach.
"No problem, dear," said Sirius amiably, and slipped out the door.
When someone knocked a few moments later, Anika said "come in" without thinking, and so almost choked when the door opened and someone sallow and bearded and definitely not Sirius came in.
"Severus," she managed to say, going suddenly very cold. "What do you want?"
Snape looked very mutinous. "I brought you a Stomach-Settling Draft."
"Why?" asked Anika suspiciously. "Did you poison it?"
"I'm not the same person I was when I was fifteen," said Snape softly. "I don't like to see people sick if I can fix it. Even if I don't like them."
"It's not my fault you don't like me," Anika spat. "Trying to feel me up in the garden after the Halloween ball didn't do wonders for our relationship."
"I was fifteen," said Snape again, watching her with eyes like tunnels. "You can't keep judging me like I'm fifteen."
It was like some bizarre dream--Severus Snape, the bane of her youth, was lecturing her on taking the high moral path and bringing her medicine for her stomach. "Thank you for the draft, Severus," she said expressionlessly, not looking at him. "You can...put it by the bed. I'll take it in a minute."
"All right," said Severus, coldly. "Don't think this means I like you, Donelan--I just don't want you throwing up all over everything."
"Good," said Anika, feeling a sudden, overwhelming rush of relief. "For a minute there I thought I was going to have to pretend to like you."
"A fate far worse than death," said Severus rather bitterly, and then the door creaked open again and Sirius came in, holding a mug of hot tea in one hand and a pile of books in the other. He stopped very suddenly at the sight of Severus and said coldly--to Anika--"What's he want?"
"None of your business, Black," snapped Severus.
"He was just leaving," said Anika, arching one eyebrow at Severus.
"Good," said Sirius icily, staring at Severus with absolute hatred in his pure-black eyes.
Severus's eyes widened; he looked from Sirius to Anika, and then back to Sirius, and some kind of realization came into his dark eyes. "Oh," he said bitingly, and sniffed.
"Go on," said Anika. "Go."
A tiny, unpleasant smile tinged Severus's mouth, and he whipped around and left, the draft he'd brought still smoking by the bed.
"What was he in here about?" asked Sirius, staring piercingly at the door.
Anika shrugged. "Brought me some kind of medicine, but I think Dumbledore made him."
"Don't drink it! I'll bet you ten Galleons it's poisoned--"
"You're on," laughed Anika, and before he could respond she'd raised the goblet to her lips and swallowed it all in one gulp, making an awful face as it slid bitterly down towards her stomach.
"Ani, you idiot!" gasped Sirius, snatching the cup away an instant too late. "You're going to end up--belching slugs, or something!"
Anika sat very still, but nothing unpleasant seemed to be happening--except the horrible, fat, prickly aftertaste of the potion in her mouth. Indeed, her stomach seemed to be quieting, although her headache felt slightly worse.
"I'm going to hold you to your ten Galleons, you know," she said, and laughed for no reason at all.
*
Lily came into her friend's room at ten o'clock that night to find her bent over a rack of test tubes on her desk, squinting at the information label on a blood sample and absently stirring a bubbling concoction over a Bunsen burner with one hand.
"What are you doing?" scolded Lily, the sudden noise making Anika jump and almost drop the sample. "Working? Now? In your condition?"
"Gods, Lily, you nearly gave me a heart attack," said Anika weakly, clutching her chest. "Knock next time, would you?"
"Oh, you," said Lily scathingly, snatching the sample away and turning off the Bunsen flame. "You are awful. Go to bed, for heaven's sake. Sirius warned me you'd be doing this."
"He did, did he?" asked Anika grimly, sighing. "Should've known."
Lily made a face. "I hate to say it, but for once in his life our incorrigible Padfoot is actually right. You should be resting."
"Just because no one else around here ever does any work," but Anika sighed and climbed resignedly into the bed. Lily, with a comforting creak, sat down next to her and passed her the book that was on the nightstand--though not before sneaking a glance at the cover. "'Powers You Never Knew You Had and What to Do With Them Now You've Wised Up.' Sounds like interesting reading...what're you looking up? Been seeing the future lately?"
"Nose out, carrot top, or I'll turn you into a moose," said Anika threateningly, opening the book to the N section.
"I won't fit into my wedding dress!" said Lily in mock horror, widening her bright green eyes.
Anika burst out laughing. "You'd be a very lovely moose, Lily dear."
"Not much comfort when you've got antlers," said Lily bluntly, wrinkling her nose. "Anyway, I had a real question for you, if you want to shut up and listen."
Anika peered owlishly at her friend over the top of her book. "Why is it that I don't have any friends with whom I don't constantly bicker?"
"What?" asked Lily, momentarily confused.
Anika sighed. "Nothing. Go ahead."
Lily glared at her. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to be a bridesmaid at my wedding."
Anika dropped the book on its spine and gaped at Lily, open-mouthed. "Wh--you want me to--"
"Yes, you idiot," and Lily's face split into a wide grin. "You. Will you?"
"Well of course," Anika fairly screamed, and tried to jump up and hug her friend, but found her feet entangled in the sheets and ended up doing a very undignified belly-flop into the mattress.
Lily helped her up, giggling. "Calm, dear, calm. You're sick."
"To hell with calm!" cried Anika happily. "And to perdition with sick! When do we get to go pick out dresses?"
*
"Moony looks like Dracula, Dracula," sang Sirius, waving his hands enthusiastically in time to his strange little ditty. "Moony looks like Dra-cu-la in his brand--new--suit!"
"Better than me," said Peter irritably, sneaking a glance at himself in the mirror. "I look like a vaguely threatening penguin. How'd I let myself get into this?"
"Maybe because James is your best friend, you silly git," said Sirius, surveying himself critically in Madame Malkin's large mirrors.
"Oh, but you look magnifique!" cried the mirror in a sweet, breathy French accent. "Zat collar ees so perfect on you! Turn it up a beet, round zee edges--oui, comme ça! Ooh, you are making me get all foggy!"
"Er," said Sirius uncertainly.
Remus sighed. "I do look like Dracula, don't I?"
"A lot of women really like that," said Sirius encouragingly. "There's something very sexy about vampire chic. Get yourself some plastic fangs and a cape and I bet all the girls will just fall over you. Maybe some of the men, too, you never know."
"Thanks," said Remus expressionlessly, staring at his own haggard reflection. "Thanks a lot."
*
The Godric's Hollow church smelled like lilies--of course, all the flowers that twined about its small wooden walls were Easter lilies, white and pure. Sirius, feeling very starched in his newly-pressed tuxedo, was trying to ignore his pounding headache. Last night, he'd had at least six (seven?) glasses of a drink he'd invented himself, which he'd called "Willing Dryad." It had been quite the success at the bachelor party, especially taking into consideration that Sirius himself had no real idea what was in it, and suspected that the ingredients might include Mrs. Skour's All-Purpose Cleaner and possibly some kind of pesticide. And it had given him a Zeus of a headache.
James, on the other hand, had managed to resist the temptation to drink, and looked bright-eyed and alert, staring determinedly down the aisle, a white rose in his lapel.
"Shoulders back, buddy," muttered Sirius in his friend's ear. "Chin up. Here she comes..."
"Oh god," whispered James, shaking a little.
"Don't get nervous!" hissed Sirius. "This is the proudest fucking moment of your life. This is what you've been waiting for since you first met her. Look up. Look at her."
And then the entire congregation was turning in their chairs, craning their heads to look at the double doors as they creaked open and someone was floating in...a vision in white, a Lily-that-was-not-Lily but was something entirely more, something too beautiful to be earthly. Her hair--now nearly to her waist, thick and in shining, auburn waves, ribbons braided skillfully into it--shimmered down her back, under the delicate lacy veil that streamed out behind her. The gown was high-necked, low-waisted, with translucent lace sleeves and a skirt that flowed and frothed around her feet. She appeared to be staring fixedly at the floor, and the petals of the bouquet she held trembled slightly as she paced slowly down the aisle, Professor Dumbledore, on her arm. Behind her walked her matron of honor, Aline Sinistra, and her six bridesmaids. Anika, clad in a simple, silver dress, seemed to be blushing almost as much as Lily was.
In the audience, Hagrid--who towered a good three feet above anyone else, even seated--gave a muffled sob and collapsed into his handkerchief. Minerva McGonagall, though her eyes were watering as well, patted his arm sympathetically.
James swallowed audibly.
"She's breathtaking, isn't she?" said Sirius softly.
"Lily always takes my breath away," whispered James.
"Lily?" asked Sirius, momentarily confused. "Who said anything about Lily?"
James's eyes widened and he shot a sharp glance at his best man, but Sirius seemed to have already forgotten what he'd said, and as James looked back at his wife-to-be, he found himself forgetting it as well.
I'm not ready for this, his mind gabbled desperately. It's too much, I'm too young. Look at Sirius, he's so independent, so confident, so...single. God help me--and he looked up at Lily, utter panic jabbing at his mind--I'm marrying this woman, and she's very beautiful and very graceful and expecting something of me and I have no idea who she is! I don't know anything about her! Who is she? How can I possibly be spending the rest of my life with her?
And then they were holding hands and the priest was saying something about do you take this man until death do you part--Death! Forever and ever and ever! No freedom! Never again! Forever! Who is this girl?! Forever! Help! Get me out of here!--and then James William Potter do you take this woman?
Do I? he wondered frantically. Can I? Can I possibly take care of her?
"I do," he heard himself saying, without really meaning to.
And then the priest was saying "You may kiss the bride," and he was turning around and lifting her veil.
One look into her emerald eyes--as confused as his own, as frightened and unsure and worried--and suddenly there were no more questions. He leaned down, slowly, almost hesitating, but then their lips were together and everything was exactly as it should be.
Anika whooped, but then went red and clapped her hands over her mouth, horrendously embarrassed.
Lily and James turned out to face the sea of people who loved them, who they loved, and they clasped hands tightly, grinned at each other, and broke into a run down the aisle, Lily's veil flying off her head as she laughed and ran faster.
Sirius clapped so hard his hands hurt, joining in the sudden rousing cheers of the rest of the church and Hagrid's bawling. Anika, fumbling for her wand (which she'd kept up her sleeve), yelled, "Effloresco!" and white daisy petals, lily petals snowed from the ceiling and walls, coating the happy newlyweds as they exploded out the doors into the sunshine and everyone converged on them at once.
*
The reception was properly classy, at least until Sirius, in proper best-man tradition, stole and put on Lily's veil, shoved a piece of cake into James's face and offered sweetly to lick it off. This nearly got him kicked out of the church; only Lily's last-minute intervention between her furious priest (who adored her) and Sirius saved him, and Anika still hadn't stopped laughing by the time of the last toast.
Sirius stood up, clanging a spoon against his glass, and the chatter in the room went silent, all eyes turning to him. He looked, to Anika's utter amazement, completely sober, and cleared his throat.
"Um." Sirius paused, trying to collect his thoughts into a coherent speech. "Well." Another short silence; he stared around, realizing how everyone's absolute attention was focused on him. It was unnerving. "When I first met James, it was on the train to Hogwarts, our first year. Um. We sort of stumbled into the same compartment. He had sandwiches; I had none; I took his and ran. And that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
There was some nervous laughter. Sirius looked down; Anika was staring up at him, absently twirling a lily between her fingers, her head resting on her hand, her eyes heavy pools. She was smiling dreamily, her hair falling loose from its sleek updo to curl around her face. He gulped, continuing.
"I met Lily around the same time, and I always...they always seemed to me to be almost one unit, even during the seven-hundredth time that they'd broken up and were ostensibly 'not speaking to one another.'" Laughter. "They're both very smart, very good-looking--" yet more laughter "--and very kind, sweet, generous people. They were both always giving themselves away. And I really want to keep this short, so--um--I--what I really was trying to say was--I'm glad they both found someone to give themselves away to. They found each other--they balance each other out...Lily gives to James, James gives to Lily. No one is hurt. An arrangement like that..." He grinned at James, spreading his hands wide. "To find your match, your perfect mate...that's a chance in a million. And nobody deserves it more than you two."
There was a collective sigh from the room, and the scattered "Awww..."
Remus cupped his hands around his mouth, yelled, "Padfoot, you talk pretty!" and ducked beneath the table to avoid Sirius' furious eye and Peter's laughter.
Deciding to ignore him, Sirius turned back to James, murmured, "To James and Lily Potter," and lifted his goblet high, his smile growing wider as he saw his best friend blushing profusely under his gaze.
"To James and Lil," called back the assembled guests, one and all lifting their glasses high.
And then the band struck up again, and there was some polite applause and people drifted into couples for the last dance of the night.
There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, seek and ye shall find
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had
In mind...
Sirius found himself suddenly muffled in a hug--looked up, and into James's infinitely gentle brown eyes.
"Hey," said James softly. "It's been great."
Sirius forced a laugh. "It's your wedding, remember? That's a good thing. You act like you're about to die."
"It's a distinct possibility." James wasn't smiling; he was gripping Sirius's shoulder tightly, as though he were physically unable to let go. "I just wanted--to--tell you. That you're not as much of a motherfucking idiot as I like to pretend you are."
"No swearing! We're in a church," Sirius reprimanded him in mock horror.
James didn't laugh. "Padfoot--"
"I know, I know," and Sirius looked away. "I'm just no good at this male bonding crap."
"As long as you don't lick any more cake off my face," said James, and made a horrible face. "There was something else I wanted to tell you."
Sirius glanced up at him, not feeling even the faintest urge to laugh. "Yeah."
"Whatever--whatever happens," and James swallowed hard "--you've got to take your chances when they come, all right? You can't put anything off, because you never know whether or not you'll get a second chance."
Sirius blinked in confusion. "What are you--"
James groaned in exasperation. "Just how dense are you, Pads? I made that as obvious I could!" At his friend's uncomprehending look, James let out a long breath of aggravated air. "Never mind. I'm going to go dance with Lily."
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret...
Sirius didn't answer, didn't respond as James turned on his heel and took his wife's hand, leading her out onto the floor. Anika was sitting alone at the table, head in her arms, still playing with that same long-stemmed lily, one foot swinging back and forth under her frothy skirt in time to the music in subconscious invitation.
"Hey," he said softly.
I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?
She looked up, made a small tired sound, and grinned at him. "'Lo, Si."
He gestured out at the dance floor, plopping down on the bench beside her. "Not dancing?"
"Nah. I've got two left feet." She laughed self-consciously and leaned against him for a moment--then suddenly pulled away, going slightly pink and pushing her stray hair behind her ears. "Oop. Sorry."
"Sorry?" he echoed, confused.
"Nothing," and she went very bright red and refused to look at him.
"What are you on about?" he asked, completely perplexed.
"Nothing, nothing--" Anika shook her dark head furiously. "I didn't want to intrude...leaning on you, and all."
"You're being stupid," he said faintly, trying as hard as he could to understand her. "You lean on me all the time. What's wrong with you tonight?"
She groaned, burying her head in her arms. "I don't even know, Si. Everything's just so weird. Lily and James getting married...and seeing everyone..." Her voice, oddly muffled by her arms, seemed to break slightly.
"Your biological clock," intoned Sirius, "is ticking away. You're old, Ani, old as the hills. Nineteen! Nearly a thousand!"
"Shut up," came Anika's muffled voice, and she slapped at him with one hand. "It isn't funny."
"It is," said Sirius shamelessly, and then he was reaching out for her, grasping her chin in one hand and forcing her to look at him. She looked utterly miserable, her eyes--those eyes, like the moon, the stars, the sky--somehow deeply sad, her lower lip--oh what a lovely mouth, as wide and warm and soft as melted butter--trembling...
"I am a little misery tonight, aren't I?" she managed in a would-be-light tone, unable to look away from him.
"Dance?" crept out of his mouth before he could stop it, to dangle in front of them like a dare.
She scrubbed a hand across her face, looking very young for an instant, and then looked back up at him, a tiny smile teasing the corners of her mouth. "All right."
There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he
Turns out to be
Someone to watch over me
She let her arms move, as if of their own volition, around his neck, nestling her head under his chin as his hands fell to the small of her back. "You're so tall..."
"Well, so are you," he countered, and she could feel the laughter that hovered in the back of his throat as it vibrated through her head.
They fell into a soft, slow rhythm, and suddenly, for no real reason, he crushed his arms so tight around her that she thought her ribs might break. She gasped out in pain and surprise. "Sirius! Ow!"
"Sorry," he whispered, feeling an idiot. Whatever had possessed him to do that? Some primal man-urge, he thought with dark humor. Me big and strong. Me protect woman. From imaginary enemies. At friends' wedding. Boy, me ever macho.
She smells really good. Why do I always notice how she smells? That faint wet rain-scent, fresh, clean...the way her arms slope to her shoulders, the way her wrist bones swell under her skin like tiny suns. The stupidest things. Who cares?
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me
She found herself completely unable to understand her own feelings, to understand why the mere touch of his hand against her spine was making her shake, why the smell of him was making her feel almost sick, crazy...as though she had a fever but somehow more wonderful.
The way his hair falls over his forehead, that beautiful small movement he makes when he shakes the strands out of his eyes, the way his eyes are always moving, dark anti-stars in a face as white as the moon--over here, over there, looking, searching for something. For what? And the way he doesn't smell like tobacco...wait, he doesn't?
Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead
Oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me...
The piano's last notes faded, and Anika rested her head on Sirius's chest, still swaying back and forth as though the music was still playing. He grinned into her hair. "Song's over..."
"I want to go to sleep," she said plaintively into his chest. "Leave me alone."
"Look, if you really want to do that we should be horizontal," said Sirius without thinking, "not standing up."
Her face snapped up to his, horrified. "What?!"
Sirius went redder than Anika had been a moment before. "Nothing!"
Anika sighed and shook her head, drawing slowly out of his arms. "You're so stupid it's almost endearing."
"Thanks," mumbled Sirius. "You, too."
*
"You're getting a what?!"
Anika stared at her friend in utter horror, as though Lily had said "a fatal brain tumor" or "six new husbands."
"A house!" said Lily proudly. "In Godric's Hollow! With stairs, and a cupboard, and" her face expressed throes of domestic ecstasy "a real kitchen..."
"You are spineless," snarled Sirius, directing this at James. "Spineless! Hopeless! Godric's Hollow is hours away! And isn't that the place with the Apparition wards up around everything?"
"That's part of the reason we chose it," Lily pointed out. "Security. We can't be too careful..."
"You're always too careful," said Sirius furiously. "Both of you! What with you two moving out to the boonies, and Peter already off living with Muggles, for Chrissake--I'll never see any of you ever again! Except Ani and Remus, I mean," he amended, noticing Anika glaring pointedly at him.
"Oh come off it, Sirius, it's just a good excuse to spend more time on that motorcycle of yours," snapped James, irritated.
Sirius considered this for a moment, then heaved a sigh. "It's a fair cop, I s'pose. Still, I don't know about this whole thing...Respectable people, buying cozy little town houses...what's next? Matching china! Engraved napkin holders! Babies!"
"We already have matching china," said Lily in a businesslike manner. "Molly Haberford--I guess she'd be Molly Weasley now--from school, gave it to us. Would you believe Molly?" she added, to James. "Two babies already! And twins in the oven, she told me in private. Lovely boys, her two..."
"Babies're coming to you, too, so don't snicker," said Sirius in tones like the knell of doom. "Babies with curly red hair and big brown eyes and little chubby cheeks." He pinched invisible cheeks in demonstration. "Babies with pet names like 'Pumpkin' and 'Cutie-Pie-Pie.' Sickening."
"I'll let you be godfather," said James cajolingly.
"Which makes you honorary godmother, Ani," Lily put in, laughing.
Anika choked, and made a strangled noise of protest.
Sirius stared at Lily, at Anika, back to Lily. "I am not sharing my godfathering priveleges with her!"
"Why is my godmothership dependent on his godfathership?!" demanded Anika of Lily, who was laughing too hard to be any help. "That isn't fair!"
"You know, I don't think godfathership has any priveleges," said James thoughtfully.
"That's stupid," said Sirius, irritated. "Why not?"
James shrugged. "Just the way it is, I suppose. You just have to buy the kid lots of presents, that sort of thing."
"Hah!" said Anika triumphantly, turning away from the helpless Lily. "Take it, then! I want no part of this thankless business!"
"Too late," said Sirius immediately. "You have to help me now!"
"I do not!"
"Yes you do!"
James took one look at his wife, who was convulsed with laughter, and suddenly found himself joining in her hilarity.
Anika glanced at Sirius, at the helpless Potters, back at Sirius. "Um. Should we do something about this?"
"What's so funny?" wondered Sirius aloud. "Whatever is the matter with them?"
"You idiots," Lily managed, "you two absolute idiots!" And she collapsed again, in paroxysms of uncontrollable laughter, clutching the gasping James for support.
Anika shrugged at Sirius.
Sirius sighed, shaking his head mournfully. "Houses and babies. We never should have let them get married."
*
Anika tapped her boots against the kerb, shivering in the wet and cold as she leaned against the lamppost and rubbing her hands up and down her upper arms in an attempt to stay warm. The rain drummed against her umbrella-less head, her hair in thick wet strings. The light, obstinately, refused to change, the red hand glaring at her through the droplets.
There was a loud thrumming from down the street, a rhythmic, mechanical purr. She turned; a motorcycle, shiny with chrome and care, was cutting up the street, splattering muddy water in every direction. Someone bent over the handle, clad in classic biker style, with a black leather jacket and bright silver studs. It's going to splash me, she thought dismally, stepping slightly back.
To her surprise, the motorcycle pulled straight up to the kerb, next to her. With a jangle of silver and a leathery creak, the rider pulled off his helmet, shaking his long, untidy wet hair out like a soaking dog. He grinned at her, flashing bright white teeth; it was Sirius. "Bit wet, are we?"
She pointed meaningfully at the sky, low and grey, and said acidly, "Well spotted!"
"Want a ride?"
She shook her head, smiling faintly at him. "I'm all right. Thanks, though."
"Come on!" He scrubbed one pale hand through his hair, sending crystalline drops scattering in every direction, mingling with the rain. "You can't expect me to just leave you there, can you? Where are you headed?"
"It's only a couple of blocks. Lily and James's apartment. Lily left the bracelet James got her at my place; I just thought I'd return it."
"That's not a couple of blocks, that's more than a mile! What are you doing--in this weather? When you're not well?"
She kicked at a stone on the sidewalk. It rolled into a puddle with a dull plop and sank. "You know I can't afford a broom."
He frowned. "Why don't you Apparate?"
She shrugged, uncomfortably. "Failed the test. Left my right foot in Sylphwood-on-Teifi."
Sirius hissed sharply. "Can't have been pleasant."
"It's not something I'd like to repeat." Anika shuddered, partly at the memory and partly from the cold. "Besides, walking keeps me in shape. And it really isn't far."
"I still feel bad, just leaving you standing there all wet and...bedraggled. If that's a word." He patted the seat of his motorcycle encouragingly. "Please?"
She eyed the vehicle distrustfully. "Look, Pads, it's not that I'm averse to flying deathtraps with hooker names or anything, but I'm really all right walking."
"Ani...I'm not going to leave you standing here." He swung one lanky leg over the side of the cycle, helmet cradled in the crook of one elbow. "I'll wheel the bike and just walk alongside you if you make me."
Anika almost laughed. "Don't..."
"Why not?" he asked playfully. "Here--" he shrugged out of the jacket and settled it around her shoulders. It was heavier than she expected and smelled like cinnamon and sandalwood and burning logs, delicious, warm smells that crept into her brain and settled there. "At least you won't freeze now."
She sneaked a glance at him, her gentle smile showing just the thinnest line of white teeth. "You can't really expect me to walk off with your jacket."
He leaned back against the motorcycle as though not even noticing the raindrops that splattered against his broad shoulders and made oily puddles in the street, and shrugged expressively. "It looks good on you."
"Sirius..."
"Look, Ani, if you really feel bad about it, you could let me give you a ride."
She looked from Sirius to the bike, and then back to Sirius. Then she heaved a gloomy sigh, said "I'm going to regret this," and climbed onto the back of the motorcycle, straddling it rather uncomfortably.
"Lovely," said Sirius enthusiastically, tossing her a spare helmet that had previously dangled from the handlebars. He climbed in front of her, leaving her only his own muscular back to grip, and shot her a devil-may-care grin over his shoulder. "Hold on tight, now."
"If you make even the slightest movement towards crashing, I'm going to pull your hair out in clumps," said Anika sincerely.
Sirius laughed, but tucked his hair under the helmet just in case, though he left the visor up. "Why so worried? How different is this from a broomstick?"
She put her own helmet on, then wrapped her arms around his chest, took a deep breath, and squeezed the seat desperately with her legs. "With you, Pads, even a broomstick can be a flying deathtrap."
"'S nice to know you trust me. Ready?" called Sirius, and before she had a chance to answer they shot off into the sky.
Anika let out a terrified squeak and buried her face between his shoulderblades, trying not to look at the long swath of street that suddenly spread out below her. The rain whipped against her face, beating against her lips. Sirius laughed at her, revving the bike into an even faster clip with one leather-gloved hand. They swerved dangerously to one side to avoid a poky old man on a broomstick, slipping to a nearly horizontal position as Anika shrieked and clutched Sirius even more tightly, if that was possible. As they tore off, she thought she heard someone yelling in a shrill, quavering voice, "Young hooligans!"
She tightened her grip--felt his heart beating under her fingers--and suddenly realized, with a jolt, how close they were, how much of him she was suddenly touching--and then she felt safe, protected...There was something about him, the shape of him under her palms, against her body, something strong and sure and proud and beautiful. He wouldn't let her fall, she knew...no matter what happened, they wouldn't fall.
It was as though he was sensing the same thing, at the same time--with one strong hand, he seized her wrist, crushing her hand almost violently to his lips and kissing it. Anika leaned against him, less clutching than simply resting, and smiled.
"There's Lily's place," yelled Sirius, against the driving wind. He made as if to touch down, but then--barely knowing what she was doing--Anika clambered to her knees, balancing precariously on the seat, and moved her hands to his shoulders, bending over to breathe into his ear, "Why stop now?"
He whipped his head around to her. "What are you doing? You're going to fall!"
"You won't let me. Let's keep riding," she said gently, leaning her chin against his shoulder.
"Wh--where?" he managed, unable to concentrate, circling aimlessly, feeling her soft lips against his temple, her sweet breath in his ear.
"I don't know," she whispered, locking her arms around him. There was no better time, she thought dizzily, no better time or place or reason. "Your place or mine?"
About damn time, thought Lily happily, watching the motorcycle spin off into a straight course directly away from the apartment. James, standing next to her, wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She gripped it tightly, smiling at the sky.
"I'm so glad," she said softly. "They'll take care of each other."
"Two halves," said James quietly, kissing her hair. "Anyone who can find their half is unimaginably lucky. One in ten thousand."
"Statistically," said Lily laughingly, "the odds are against us."
"To hell with the odds!" cried James dramatically, and pulled her closer.
*
Sirius's apartment was warm and comfortable, the curtains drawn, the rain pounding in a gentle rhythm against the windowpanes as he brought her inside and locked the door.
They stood there for a moment, simply watching one another, taking one another in.
Is this what you want? Anika asked herself, and Sirius, silently.
I don't know. But I have to find out.
And then their lips were together and they were kissing softly, tentatively, almost unsure of what they were doing--but then they were more sure, their arms tightening around one another and the bare, silky press of skin-against-skin all of a sudden, and she smiled against his lips and he felt the odd curvature of her mouth and her hands, and she tasted herself on his breath and then they half-fell onto the bed, all hands and mouths and souls and sweet, aching longing somewhere deep inside, somehow resolved.
"I love what the rain does to your hair."
Anika almost laughed. "What, the frizz?"
"It isn't frizz." Sirius raised himself up on one elbow, the slanting moonlight illuminating the perfect lines of his shoulder muscles and collarbone. He made a vague sort of motion around his own head, trying to articulate the concept. "You shouldn't straighten it so much. It does all sorts of lovely curly foamy things. When I rule the world I shall make it rain every day, just so I can stare at your head." He ran his hand through the soft curls, feeling them tickle his palm. "It's like a halo, radiating around you, lighting up everything you touch."
"Do halos do that?" she laughed, gazing into his eyes.
"I don't know. Stop ruining everything!" He glared at her. "I like your hair, you goose. I love your hair."
"You shall have it then," said Anika dreamily, "when I die I shall have them make it into a beautiful wig and you can put it on your next lover's head and dream of me."
"When you die," said Sirius with more certainty than he felt, "I will be far too old for lovers. I will, in fact, be spooning up applesauce in an old folks' home, complaining about the how small the bingo cards are, listening to polka music, forgetting where I put my false teeth, and pinching the nurses." He drew her further into his arms, resting his hands against the warm silk of her back. "Either that or I'll be dead."
"You'll never die," said Anika distantly, staring pensively at the ceiling, watching the cracks run in rivers and patterns over the plaster. "Never. And you'd better not let me catch you pinching nurses."
He laughed and nudged her forehead gently with his own. "Go to sleep."
"Now is not the time for sleep!" she cried theatrically, and smothered his laughter with a pillow blow to the head and a hard, almost bruising kiss.
They did not sleep for some time.
She sighed, listening to the rhythm of his heart and his breathing, her chin pillowed on his chest, and watched him sleep. His midnight hair was strewn around his shoulders, one long arm flung over his head, his lips half-parted in slumber. Anika let her fingers whisper to his back, tracing the sharp shoulderblades, the tatoo of Canis Major just below his left shoulder. She smiled suddenly, teeth flashing in the moonlight, wanting the strong slope of arms to be around her again, wanting to feel the silk of his muscles against her, to smell the intoxicating him-scent that had filled her nostrils for what felt like hours but had been such a short time...
His eyelids fluttered as he heaved restlessly against her, the pale trace of veins that rose delicately above his long eyelashes blue in the half-light.
She realized, not for the first time, how beautiful he was; beautiful, rather than handsome, pale and moonlit as an angel, a god. Your match, she heard Sirius saying at the wedding. Only one in a thousand has that sort of luck. What had she done to be so lucky?
Outside, the October moon rose, big as a Galleon, yellow and full.
*
Lily and James stood with their arms around one another, staring deep into the pool as the man with the dark cowl shading his face waded deep into the clear waters, holding the tiny bundle in his arms. The bundle kicked restlessly, squirming in the man's hands.
"The boy's name?" came the man's deep voice from the depths of the cloak.
"Harold James Potter," said Lily quietly. "Harry."
Sirius sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. Ceremonies, rituals, all these Big Important Moments in Life that he simply found nothing of value in...pompous, pretentious...but when Harry had been born, James and Lily had thought that if they were going to have a Muggle wedding, they wanted a real old-fashioned Wizard naming ceremony. Well, let them. He just wished he hadn't been forced to come...
You're going to be a godfather, he reminded himself firmly. Now would be a good time to start cherishing.
"Harry," repeated the man, and in a sudden swift movement ripped the cloth from the baby's body and dropped it onto the water where it floated like an oil slick. Struck with the sudden surprising brightness of the sun, Harry let out a short, sharp cry, his small fists kneading the air.
The druid placed one hand on the child's small forehead, tracing out a short rune--the element under whose influence the boy had been born, the mark of his name in the older languages.
son of the stag, star of the morning--
--life-in-death, breath-in-water--
And it was then that Anika felt it, like a sudden blow to the stomach--the now-familiar cold just behind her eyelids, the hungry eagerness of the water as it strained towards her in force, an enormous wave bearing down on the tiny boy who lay in the arms of the druid in the water.
Anika gasped, and instinctively her muscles went rigid, refusing to allow the River to crash through her body, from Death into life, and sweep the baby away--What do you want with him? she screamed silently at it. Why is he so important?
The water swirled into her ears, pounding angrily, demanding to be allowed passage into life.
No! and she tensed her body even tighter, feeling her feet being hammered away from under her--until Harry had a guardian, a godfather, she had to hold the river back--
Sirius hardly even noticed that Anika had gone pale and stiff, or the odd blueness that was forming on the tips of her fingers--the druid was beckoning him into the water, intoning some sort of incomprehensible babble in a deep, solemn voice about being the Guardian of Harry's Soul and blah blah blah, lead him not into temptation, blah blah blah surrogate father blah blah Sirius Black hooooold the child that is now yoooooours.
Sirius reached out numbly, eyes so intent on Harry that he did not see the way Anika let out a short, sharp gasp and slumped over with sudden release and relief, or the way Remus, concerned, grabbed her arm and supported her on his shoulder.
The baby gave Sirius a quizzical look and tilted his head to one side, making a little noise that sounded like "Mu?" He looked, Sirius realized with some alarm, exactly like a short, fat, crinkled James with green eyes.
"He's like a miniature you, Prongs," Sirius called irreverently across the water. "A little fawn, a little baby stag. I think I'll call him Spots."
The druid eyed him with evident disapproval, although all that could be seen of his face under the thick cowl was the thin line of his lips. "Please...respect the sanctity of this moment..."
Sirius looked up and locked eyes with Remus, who stood impassively at the edge of the pond, Anika leaning against his shoulder.
Remus stared straight back at him, willing down the flash of jealousy that tingled down his spine. He gets everything...it's always been about him, hasn't it? He was James's best man...he's Harry's godfather...
He got Ani.
Remus chanced a look at the girl, who still leaned against him as though exhausted, the cold of her skin burning through his robes. She was still so tentative about contact, as though afraid she imposed somehow by leaning on him...she'd always been like that at school, so afraid to kiss him or touch him in public, as though she might embarrass him or inconvenience him...
He looked back up at Sirius, noticing the way his friend's violet eyes narrowed in bewilderment and confusion at his expression. He smiled, faintly, ironically, as Sirius turned away from him and waded back towards the Potters, still cradling Harry in his arms. The faint weight of Anika against his neck and side sustained him, just for that crucial moment...
Just for a moment, she's mine. Just for this moment I can remember what it was to love her.
Just for this moment.
And then the moment was over, and Harry was back in his parents' arms, and Sirius was turning back towards them, rushing to Anika, face furrowed with worry. Remus relinquished her effortlessly to Sirius, who immediately was holding her in those strong, slender arms as though he could protect her--as though he could dare! Remus had felt the cold of her skin, the cold that had washed through her ever since Jill had died, a cold that would never, ever be gone--and she was murmuring I'm fine, honestly, don't worry...
But the moment was over.
Harry cried out, softly, and Lily pulled him closer to her breast, whispering to him.
*
Sirius, feeling very out of place, adjusted his well-worn leather jacket and shifted from foot to foot, ignoring the pointedly incredulous glares of the society witches in their mink\ robes and stiletto heels, the rich wizards' butlers in suits and gold watches.
"May I help you?" inquired the jeweler, raising one eyebrow as he took in Sirius's shabby appearance, in particular the jacket and boots.
"Er, yeah," said Sirius, sidling forward to eye the glass case. "I wanted an engagement ring."
"Any...particular design in mind, Monsieur?" The "Monsieur" was decidedly snide, Sirius realized, but ignored it.
"There was one I saw the other day, in the window...silver, it was. With a black opal set in the center. There was a sort of...twining...thingy round the opal. Yeah, a twiny sort of design." He made a spiraling motion with one finger to illustrate it. "Have you got that?"
"A black opal--a true black opal--is hardly within the means of most young men of your...er...stature, Monsieur," said the jeweler coldly, wrinkling his bulbous nose. "Perhaps a small garnet..."
"I don't want a garnet," said Sirius indignantly, "if I'd wanted a garnet I would have said garnet, wouldn't I? I said opal, couldn't you hear me?"
"Certainly," said the jeweler, with a supercilious little quirk of his ratty moustache. "Does Monsieur realize that the ring he has selected is a work of art entitled Northern Lights, an original Circe studio piece, and is going to cost him" --the man leaned forward over the glass counter for emphasis "--over three thousand Galleons?"
Sirius nearly fell over, but somehow managed to keep his composure. "I said that was the ring I wanted and it is," he said with a good deal of dignity. There goes all of Mum's inheritance that I've saved up for twelve years, he added silently, with a mental groan.
But it's just the sort of thing she'd want me to spend it on. "I can pay, I'm not penniless, and I'd like to see the ring."
The jeweler shrugged, obviously skeptical. "Monsieur will understand if I ask to--er--see some sort of proof of income?"
Sirius, sighing inwardly, pulled the leather pouch out of his jacket and upended it over the counter. Over thirty hundred-Galleon coins spilled out of it, clanging across the counter to spin to a halt on its edges or sloughing into a pile at the center of the glass. The jeweler gaped. The society witches and wizards stopped muttering unpleasantly to stare in shock.
"Three thousand, four hundred Galleons, that is," said Sirius wearily. "Is that enough?"
"The ring costs three thousand seven hundred," managed the jeweler, regaining his control.
"I'm not going to pay that much. Three thousand four hundred."
"Five."
"Four, and that's final. It's more than the thing's worth anyway."
The jeweler sighed as if he had been personally injured. "I'll go out of business."
"What a pity," said Sirius nastily, and as an afterthought "Put it in a nice box, please. You know, one of the posh little black ones, with velvet on it and all."
One of the mink-robed witches nearly fainted.
*
Sirius closed his eyes, trying to take deep, calming breaths but only succeeding in inducing a sort of panicked hyperventilation. This isn't so hard. This isn't so hard. Across from him, Anika--apparently unaware of his discomfort--pushed her plate aside, smiling into his eyes.
He gulped, fingers clutching convulsively at the tiny velvet box in his pocket.
"Dessert?" asked Anika lightly.
"Er--no, thanks, I'm" Will you marry me? "full."
"All right, then." Short pause. "What is it? You look like there's something you're trying to say."
"Hmm? Oh, no," Will you please marry me and spend the rest of your life with me oh please? "just thinking. Do you want to go outside for a walk?"
"Sure." She stood up, dropping her napkin into her chair and waving her wand at the dishes, which flew promptly into the sink and began briskly scrubbing themselves.
They stepped out into the night, which was soft and warm, full of fireflies and the song of cricket and nightingale...the moon hovered above them, a crescent slit in the blueblack sky, and the street was empty and smelled of April.
Anika nestled into his shoulder, slipping an arm companionably about his neck. "Nice night."
He closed his eyes, inhaling the smell of her that always calmed him down, its salty sweetness mixing with the scent of the fresh grass that pervaded the street.
They paused under one of the willows, near the path that led to Hogwarts, and Sirius suddenly pulled her to a halt, taking a moment to take in the drip of moonlight across her sharply pointed face and liquid hair. He took a very deep breath.
"Ani, I know this might not seem like the time or the place--I mean, it's all very funny and confused and I've tried to plan it out but it doesn't make sense, I wanted to have it happen in June or on the beach or somewhere perfect, you know, but I couldn't wait that long and everyone kept telling me so even though I wouldn't listen--and I know it sounds crazy, even though I thought this all out; I had a whole speech planned that I was going to give you, but then I opened my mouth to say it to you and this came out instead. And I know I'm full of shit and sentiment, but I never thought I'd have to do this so I never took the time to decide what I was going to say and then you were different from any girl I'd ever known and I didn't even know what was happening but I had to--" he fumbled for the ring in his pocket and somehow managed to get it out-- "More than anything else I want forever with you, Ani, as much as I can say forever exists--and I don't really know if it does, but I want it with you no matter what...not just a year, or three or four, not that kind of forever--and not even twenty or fifty years forever, not just a lifetime forever, it wouldn't be enough, Ani, I mean real forever. Not even till death do us part, I need more than that from you. Oh God, I love you so much that it hurts, I never knew that happened outside of books--but you're so beautiful, and so sweet and kind and you're funny and you're brave and clever and even wise--but that's not why. I wanted to--I needed to know--Anika, will you marry me?" And he shoved the ring at her, mentally screaming and beating himself over the head. You absolute idiot! Can't you talk? Can't you fucking talk?!
"Oh yes," whispered Anika, her face alight with happiness, her eyes like twin silver moons. "Yes," and then she was kissing him and there were stars exploding behind his eyelids and the moon was tangled in her hair, the fireflies hiding behind her eyes and she was so incomprehensibly beautiful and he loved her more than life. Before he knew what was happening his hands were all over her and she was breathing him in, her fingertips cool half-moons against his shoulders and somewhere there was the most beautiful music, and everywhere smelled like roses and jasmine and rain.
Sirius was happy.
Anika burst into Lily's office, glowing with happiness and pride and each step a sort of floaty little dance. "Lily! Oh, Lily! The most incredible thing...the most wonderful..."
"Ooh, what?" asked Lily keenly, hoisting the slumbering Harry onto her hip.
Anika was nearly crying. "Sirius asked me to marry him. And I said yes. And we're going to get married!"
Lily burst out into laughter as her friend rushed into her arms. "I knew it! Ani, I'm just so happy for you...I knew it was going to happen soon...I'm so glad..."
"It....it's everything I ever wanted...Lily, I can't even..." She pulled back and displayed the magnificent ring, eyes alight with pride. "Look...it's a real black opal."
"Oh, it's lovely," said Lily enviously, running her soft fingers over the stone and the delicate ivy pattern that enclosed it.
"Lil, I'm so happy I can't even think..." and she fell back into the red-haired woman's arms, tears prickling at her eyes.
"I know," whispered Lily, almost crying herself at Anika's overwhelming joy. "How d'you think I felt when James asked me? And it's about time," she added acerbically, "Padfoot's taken long enough about it. He just doesn't know when he should grab onto something."
"Idiot," sniffed Anika into Lily's shoulder.
"I know," giggled Lily, settling her friend into the chair in front of the desk and adopting a businesslike air. "Now tell me all about it. What did he say? Where? What was it like?"
James and Sirius sat at the edge of the broken bridge over Raven Creek in companionable silence, dangling their legs over the rushing water and watching the sun rise. Sirius dropped a pebble into the river, the soft splash interrupting their peaceful quiet.
"Asked Ani to marry me yesterday," he said in conversational tones. "Said yes."
"Good," said James equably, chewing on a blade of grass.
Sirius leaned back on his elbows with a leathery creak. "You'll be best man, of course?"
"Sure." James picked up another pebble and hurled it into the water. He slung one arm around his friend's broad shoulders and grinned out at the sky. "A word of advice?"
"Go ahead."
"Let her plan it. Don't argue with her. Don't ever argue with her--let her dress the bridesmaids in pink cellophane if she wants to. Trust me, it'll be much nicer for all concerned."
"All right," said Sirius, rather mystified.
There was a pause. A kingfisher swooped over the creek beneath them.
"Did you see the Wasps game the other day?" asked James at length.
Sirius groaned and rolled his eyes. "Bloody awful. That Bagman...man's got no style. No finesse. Just whack, whack, whack. Now Armand Patil--that man's a quality Beater. Aim, that's what matters."
"Nonsense!" said James indignantly. "Aim's all very well, but what about power? You can't pretend a Beater doesn't need a strong arm. Patil's got no stamina, that's what's wrong with him."
"My money for best player, though, is that Ivan Wronski--have you seen the man? A genius, an absolute genius. Now, that match last week..."
*
Babysitting Harry was the easiest gig Anika had ever had--mostly because Sirius insisted on doing all the work. At the moment, he was engaged in teasing the boy with a dog biscuit--the one treat their young charge could not resist.
"Should you be feeding him dog biscuits, Si?" asked Anika worriedly, as Harry dribbled frantically and grasped at the treat, calling out plaintively for it.
"He's not eating it, is he?" Sirius pointed out logically. "No harm in wiggling it in front of his face."
She watched them play for a minute, until Harry made a dangerously close attempt to catch the biscuit and, in an attempt to keep it from him, Sirius stuffed it into his own mouth.
Anika stared at him, horrified. "Sirius! Did you just eat a dog biscuit?"
Sirius shook his head innocently, his crumb-covered mouth and chin betraying his guilt.
"You're awful! God forbid you should ever be a father--imagine how you'll corrupt your children!"
Sirius swallowed whatever dog biscuit remained in his mouth and pointed quickly to Harry, eyes still wide and innocent. "Look at him! He's happy! He's giggling!"
"Only because he likes it when I yell at you," said Anika grumpily, but subsided and watched them for a moment more, as this time the game did not involve dog biscuits--rather, insubstantial leaves from Sirius's wand that drifted over the room, sending Harry crawling as fast as he could after them.
"Did you hear about the McKinnons?" asked Sirius softly, eyes still on Harry. "Voldemort found them. Someone told him their codenames, and he came straight into their office...just like he did for Remus. Killed them, and hung their bodies up on the walls...as a warning..."
Anika's face went white, and she bit her lip painfully. "It's sick...it's like what happened to my father's team, it's all for fun...because the elemental likes it, because it feeds off it, because it's fun."
Sirius stared with unseeing eyes at Harry, now busily engaged in attempting to chew off his own foot. "And they won't be the last ones. It's happening everywhere, now. Muggles, too...dying off in droves, then showing up later...all in pieces...even kids, Ani, this is happening to kids. And there's nothing we can do about it," he added in a moment of sudden rage, "nothing!"
"I know," said Anika softly, watching Harry scrabble for one bright leaf and fall flat on his rear. After a short pause, she went on, "I don't want him to grow up in a world like this, Si. Why should he have to...and there's nothing we can do, nothing...it isn't going to stop. The serums are getting nowhere, and we've only gotten through the first three rune verses...what good is that? Sometimes it feels like it's really over, Sirius."
He stared at her in shock...Anika, this hopeless? The expression on her face made something in his chest throb painfully, and he wanted so badly to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her it would be all right...
But he couldn't be sure it would be.
Sirius snatched at Harry, with almost violent affection, and hefted the infant onto his hip, joggling the baby comfortably up and down and blowing into his thick hair. Harry crowed happily, grabbing at a long strip of Sirius's hair and yanking it energetically. "Yowch!" yelped Sirius, trying to detach Harry's strong little fingers. "Dear God, Spots, what has Prongs been feeding you?"
Anika smiled a little, quickly taking Harry from his godfather's arms and tickling the tiny red paw until Harry, giggling uncontrollably, released Sirius's hair and rolled into Anika's arms, grabbing at her own silky locks.
"Oh no," said Anika with a laugh, shaking her hair behind her shoulders where Harry couldn't get at it. "Oh no."
"Tickoos!" demanded Harry petulantly, making expressive grabbing motions with his crinkled fingers. "Anteenie tickoo."
Anika leaned over her godson, frowning deeply at him. "You don't really want tickoos, do you?"
"Tickoos!" said Harry again, more emphatically, pounding his fist against Anika's shoulder for emphasis. "Tickoo ow."
"All right, you asked for it," said Anika in a mock-growly voice, and dumped the boy on the couch, lunging at him with greedy, grabbing fingers. "Raar!"
"Noooooo!" shrieked Harry, kicking and squirming in ecstasy as Anika grabbed him around the protruding stomach and tickled him mercilessly.
"He likes you more than he likes me," said Sirius rather ruefully.
"Don't be silly, he just likes being tickled," said Anika briskly, flipping her hair back over her shoulders as she heaved the still-giggling Harry onto her shoulder. He laid his soft head against her neck, popping his thumb into his mouth like a cork, and his bright green eyes flicked drowsily over the room as he grew silent.
"Auntie Ani. Anteenie. Can I please call you Anteenie?" asked Sirius wistfully.
"No," said Anika firmly.
"Good doggie," said Harry sleepily, from Anika's shoulder. "Pazzie good doggie."
"Pazzie has a smudge on his nose," said Anika, stroking Harry's back.
Sirius frowned and went slightly cross-eyed searching for the culprit.
Harry giggled softly. "Pazzie bad?"
"This is Anteenie's only rule," said Anika. "No smudges. Pazzie go doghouse straightaway unless he washes his face. Bad Pazzie."
"Washoo face," said Harry earnestly, raising his head from Anika's shoulder to stare imploringly at Sirius. "Anteeenie mad."
Anika made a face at the top of the child's head. "Anteenie not very mad." And aside, to Sirius: "He's smart, isn't he? Listen to him, talking away..."
Sirius nodded fervently.
"Mad," said Harry gravely, "less Pazzie washoo face."
Sirius watched her from the other side of the room, grinning uncontrollably. She looked good with a baby, he thought suddenly; the way her hair waterfalled over the top of her head as she bent over the tiny body, the way her freckles crinkled into her dimples when she smiled, the way her eyes lit up whenever she looked Harry's way. He suddenly found himself picturing her holding another baby instead of Harry, a baby with his mouth and her eyes, and a thatch of ebony hair.
"I'm going to go put him to B-E-D," whispered Anika to Sirius, who nodded, still smiling, and watched them as they headed up the stairs to Harry's room.
"Pazzie pazzie pazzie pazzie," sang Harry to himself, nodding his head back and forth on Anika's shoulder. "Pazzie pazzie pazzie pazzie."
"Hush, Harry, sleepytime," whispered Anika, kissing Harry on top of the head.
"Mama," commanded Harry imperiously, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the enormous yawn that popped up at the same time as the word. "Want Mama."
"Mama's not here," explained Anika, bumping the door of the nursery open with one hip and muttering "Illuminatia!" at the lights.
"Where?" asked Harry fretfully, tossing a bit in her arms.
"She's with Papa," said Anika gently, placing the baby in his crib and patting the downy head with one hand. "They went to go have food together." Put that way, it sounded so stupid. "They'll be back soon. Go to sleep, now."
"No," protested Harry, another huge yawn obscuring the word. "Not..."
"Yes," and Anika pulled the soft blue blanket over her godson's shoulders and tucked it in under him. "Now hush." She pulled out her wand and pointed it at the ceiling, muttering something, and suddenly the room was filled with insubstantial butterflies in rainbow hues, flickering over the walls and bed, and a soft, bell-like music filled the room. "Goodnight, now." She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, but he was already almost asleep and hardly even made the effort to snatch at her hair.
And then she turned, intending to shut the door and tiptoe out, and found Sirius leaning against the doorframe. Without a word, he put his arms around her and she rested against his chest, her head under his chin, watching the butterflies dip and spin over Harry's dark crib.
Sirius reached out and closed the door, stepping back and bringing Anika with him, and she turned in so that she was facing him, slipping her arms around his neck. He pulled her closer, resting his hands at the small of her back and burying his face in her hair and they stood that way in the corridor, hanging desperately onto that tiny enclosure of happiness and serenity in a world going rapidly mad, for a very long time.