INTRODUCTION: An epilogue to the Always series. It's not a must-read, it's more of a "if you feel like it" kind of thing.
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill...
~*~Talk~*~
She was there. Her hand was in his. Her hip lightly touched his. Her smile warmed his entire being. She was dead. So was he. She was just as beautiful as she had been the last time he saw her, and then some. All marks of disease and sorrow were gone. She was the spitting image of herself when she had been the most happy.
He didn't know what he looked like. She had died at the age of 38. He at 66. She looked younger than her age of death, but did he? He knew it didn't matter. Not to her. And if it didn't matter to her then it didn't matter to him. And the look in her eyes told him that it didn't matter to her.
Then finally, for the first time in so long, she spoke.
"You have aged with grace, my love" she said. Her voice was just like he had remembered it. Her hand stroke his cheek lovingly. "You look beautiful."
"Do I look my age?" he asked, causing her to giggle.
"Every once in a while" she replied. "No, actually you don't. You look just like you did when I remember you looking your absolute best… That's how I remember you the best, how I see you in my heart, and that's how I see you now."
"But still you knew what I look like as an old man?" he said, smiling at her.
"I've kept my eye on you" she replied. "Like you said at my memorial service. I have been your guardian angel. I've followed you throughout your years after my death. You think you're the only one who's in need of the other one? I needed to see you, like you needed to see me."
"You've been there?"
She nodded.
"Every single day I have been there. Seeing you. Hearing you. Trying to understand your pain."
"Trying?"
"You never knew I was there. I knew you were there. I never lost you 100%. I lost contact with you, not vision. You were always there in my… well, not life, since I'm dead… My death, I guess that's the correct term."
"I've missed you so badly."
"I know. I've wanted so many things for you, trying to help you out. And what I wanted most of all was for you to stop being so sad. You rarely cried, but the language of grief isn't tears. Not always, and not for everyone. Crying easens the pain, but not everybody knows that. You kept it all inside. And you suffered. And I suffered with you. It was tearing me apart to see you so sad and so devastated. I wanted everything good in life for you. Some of it I could give you. I kept my guardian eye on our son when he went to Nam. I kept him safe, to return to you. I kept you well. You were hardly ever sick."
"Until I got sick and died."
"Your days of smoking brought that on you. I couldn't do anything about it.
"I'm glad. My pain is over. And I don't mean physical pain. I mean heartaches and sorrow. The pain I've faced every single day since the morning when I woke up and you were dead in my arms."
"Believe me my love, I hated seeing what my death did to you. I saw you so sad, and I wanted to tell you to smile. To be happy again. I wanted you to know what I know. That I was constantly with you. But there are rules for the dead as well as for the living. In order for you to know, I would have to kill you. And I could never harm you. Never. And there was nothing that I could do when you were alone, grieving. I sat by your side each minute. I stayed by your side when you fell asleep each night, and I kept nearby for a while afterwards to give you nice dreams. And then I would sit with one of the children. Each night. And when sorrow got the best of you, when you shut the door to our bedroom and to your heart, I would be there. You seemed to always sit beneath the bed and fight the feelings that were tormenting you. And when you felt the worst…"
He closed his eyes and saw flashback after flashback from his life, all about the same thing. He saw it all in less than a second, and he remembered how somehow when he felt the worst he would get an odd sense of calmness come over him. An odd sense of comfort.
"When you felt the worst," she continued, "I would place my hand on your heart. Just to somehow let you know that I was there. And that I would never leave you. And to make the pain easier to bare."
"And I used to feel it" he whispered. He gazed into her eyes. "The relief coming over me. The sense that somehow everything would be okay."
He buried his head by hers and put his arms around her, pulling her closer. She put her arms around him and he felt the soft touch of her skin and the warmth of her love.
"Oh my goodness, I have missed you beyond anything you could ever imagine!" he whispered. "My heart is bursting now with the intense joy of being by your side. Just to see you and hear you. And to know that you've waited for me."
"I would never abandon you…" she whispered back. "You're my husband."
They were quiet for a while, both enjoying the closeness of the other one's company. The familiar touch and familiar hug, and to have gotten to be reunited with their other half. He was the first one to speak later on.
"Our poor children… I've really failed, haven't I?"
She looked at him, confused.
"How could you possibly have failed? Just look at them! They are both very good people. You've done an amazing job."
"Our daughter hated our son. That alone says it all."
"That was more my fault than it was yours. And they are amazing people, you know. And they both love you so. They think you've been the best father, and I agree with them. I've been keeping an eye on you, you know that, and I am very proud over how you've raised our children. I know they've had the best father imaginable."
"If only you hadn't died, honey…" he said. "Then everything would have been so much better! We would have had each other, loved each other, supported each other. Taken care of them, shown them what a healthy marriage is like and what a wonderful childhood is like. And I would have been a ten times better father than I turned out to be."
"I wish that I could get to know him. Our son. Or, more correctly, I wished that he would get to know me. But I'm happy with how you've taught them both to respect me. And respect in general. They're got a wonderful upbringing, sweetie. And you filled it with all the love you had."
"I made our son a promise, remember? I promised him to love him for the both of us. And I hope I did."
"They both knew throughout their entire lives, that no matter what they did you would love them. You gave them security. You loved them. For the both of us."
"Now I'm concentrating on loving you…" he answered. "I want to give you all the love and emotion that I've been unable to give to you for 26 years."
Their lips met. Then she grabbed his hand and took him with her to see them. Their children. Their daughter who sat quietly in front of an open fire, twisting her wedding ring around on her finger. And their son who had never known his mother, and who now sat and silently cried while watching an old home video from his parents' wedding.
They returned to wherever they had been before. Time and place didn't exist somehow. They were dead. They had no places to be, no times to chase. They only had each other and eternity.
He lay down, exhausted after all he'd been through during the day. She lay down next to him. Her head rested on his shoulder and her arm lay across his chest. Together they watched the sun set over his life, and over heaven.
"It was really true…" he said.
"Which was?" she asked.
"You. Your message to me. You were with me. Always."
"I knew that I would always be. Even if death only meant ceasing to exist. In your heart I would always be. I moved in to the empty room in your heart so many years ago, and when I did I knew I would never leave."
"I will always be with you too… Always."
Now it's up to you if this really happened or if Chandler's just having fever dreams ("Jonatan... Nagilima! I see the light! I see the light" LMAO)... Either way, give me a review please!
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill...
~*~Talk~*~
She was there. Her hand was in his. Her hip lightly touched his. Her smile warmed his entire being. She was dead. So was he. She was just as beautiful as she had been the last time he saw her, and then some. All marks of disease and sorrow were gone. She was the spitting image of herself when she had been the most happy.
He didn't know what he looked like. She had died at the age of 38. He at 66. She looked younger than her age of death, but did he? He knew it didn't matter. Not to her. And if it didn't matter to her then it didn't matter to him. And the look in her eyes told him that it didn't matter to her.
Then finally, for the first time in so long, she spoke.
"You have aged with grace, my love" she said. Her voice was just like he had remembered it. Her hand stroke his cheek lovingly. "You look beautiful."
"Do I look my age?" he asked, causing her to giggle.
"Every once in a while" she replied. "No, actually you don't. You look just like you did when I remember you looking your absolute best… That's how I remember you the best, how I see you in my heart, and that's how I see you now."
"But still you knew what I look like as an old man?" he said, smiling at her.
"I've kept my eye on you" she replied. "Like you said at my memorial service. I have been your guardian angel. I've followed you throughout your years after my death. You think you're the only one who's in need of the other one? I needed to see you, like you needed to see me."
"You've been there?"
She nodded.
"Every single day I have been there. Seeing you. Hearing you. Trying to understand your pain."
"Trying?"
"You never knew I was there. I knew you were there. I never lost you 100%. I lost contact with you, not vision. You were always there in my… well, not life, since I'm dead… My death, I guess that's the correct term."
"I've missed you so badly."
"I know. I've wanted so many things for you, trying to help you out. And what I wanted most of all was for you to stop being so sad. You rarely cried, but the language of grief isn't tears. Not always, and not for everyone. Crying easens the pain, but not everybody knows that. You kept it all inside. And you suffered. And I suffered with you. It was tearing me apart to see you so sad and so devastated. I wanted everything good in life for you. Some of it I could give you. I kept my guardian eye on our son when he went to Nam. I kept him safe, to return to you. I kept you well. You were hardly ever sick."
"Until I got sick and died."
"Your days of smoking brought that on you. I couldn't do anything about it.
"I'm glad. My pain is over. And I don't mean physical pain. I mean heartaches and sorrow. The pain I've faced every single day since the morning when I woke up and you were dead in my arms."
"Believe me my love, I hated seeing what my death did to you. I saw you so sad, and I wanted to tell you to smile. To be happy again. I wanted you to know what I know. That I was constantly with you. But there are rules for the dead as well as for the living. In order for you to know, I would have to kill you. And I could never harm you. Never. And there was nothing that I could do when you were alone, grieving. I sat by your side each minute. I stayed by your side when you fell asleep each night, and I kept nearby for a while afterwards to give you nice dreams. And then I would sit with one of the children. Each night. And when sorrow got the best of you, when you shut the door to our bedroom and to your heart, I would be there. You seemed to always sit beneath the bed and fight the feelings that were tormenting you. And when you felt the worst…"
He closed his eyes and saw flashback after flashback from his life, all about the same thing. He saw it all in less than a second, and he remembered how somehow when he felt the worst he would get an odd sense of calmness come over him. An odd sense of comfort.
"When you felt the worst," she continued, "I would place my hand on your heart. Just to somehow let you know that I was there. And that I would never leave you. And to make the pain easier to bare."
"And I used to feel it" he whispered. He gazed into her eyes. "The relief coming over me. The sense that somehow everything would be okay."
He buried his head by hers and put his arms around her, pulling her closer. She put her arms around him and he felt the soft touch of her skin and the warmth of her love.
"Oh my goodness, I have missed you beyond anything you could ever imagine!" he whispered. "My heart is bursting now with the intense joy of being by your side. Just to see you and hear you. And to know that you've waited for me."
"I would never abandon you…" she whispered back. "You're my husband."
They were quiet for a while, both enjoying the closeness of the other one's company. The familiar touch and familiar hug, and to have gotten to be reunited with their other half. He was the first one to speak later on.
"Our poor children… I've really failed, haven't I?"
She looked at him, confused.
"How could you possibly have failed? Just look at them! They are both very good people. You've done an amazing job."
"Our daughter hated our son. That alone says it all."
"That was more my fault than it was yours. And they are amazing people, you know. And they both love you so. They think you've been the best father, and I agree with them. I've been keeping an eye on you, you know that, and I am very proud over how you've raised our children. I know they've had the best father imaginable."
"If only you hadn't died, honey…" he said. "Then everything would have been so much better! We would have had each other, loved each other, supported each other. Taken care of them, shown them what a healthy marriage is like and what a wonderful childhood is like. And I would have been a ten times better father than I turned out to be."
"I wish that I could get to know him. Our son. Or, more correctly, I wished that he would get to know me. But I'm happy with how you've taught them both to respect me. And respect in general. They're got a wonderful upbringing, sweetie. And you filled it with all the love you had."
"I made our son a promise, remember? I promised him to love him for the both of us. And I hope I did."
"They both knew throughout their entire lives, that no matter what they did you would love them. You gave them security. You loved them. For the both of us."
"Now I'm concentrating on loving you…" he answered. "I want to give you all the love and emotion that I've been unable to give to you for 26 years."
Their lips met. Then she grabbed his hand and took him with her to see them. Their children. Their daughter who sat quietly in front of an open fire, twisting her wedding ring around on her finger. And their son who had never known his mother, and who now sat and silently cried while watching an old home video from his parents' wedding.
They returned to wherever they had been before. Time and place didn't exist somehow. They were dead. They had no places to be, no times to chase. They only had each other and eternity.
He lay down, exhausted after all he'd been through during the day. She lay down next to him. Her head rested on his shoulder and her arm lay across his chest. Together they watched the sun set over his life, and over heaven.
"It was really true…" he said.
"Which was?" she asked.
"You. Your message to me. You were with me. Always."
"I knew that I would always be. Even if death only meant ceasing to exist. In your heart I would always be. I moved in to the empty room in your heart so many years ago, and when I did I knew I would never leave."
"I will always be with you too… Always."
Now it's up to you if this really happened or if Chandler's just having fever dreams ("Jonatan... Nagilima! I see the light! I see the light" LMAO)... Either way, give me a review please!