Well, here it is, the last chapter. I love how this thing has all come together, and I'm really going to miss working on it. Phoenix has been a great help, I certainly couldn't have done this without her. My only hop is that she, and the rest of you, will accept the "happy" ending as it is, and love it as I do. Please Review.
Chapter 13-Once Again
"I think I know what's wrong with Zell," Nida stated as the teenagers gathered in the room.
"Whadda ya mean by that?" Seifer asked. "Is there something more to all this?"
"He's got what's known as manic-depressive psychosis, or more accurately refereed to as bipolar disorder." Nida replied. "It's like this: Zell can be extremely happy for a period of time and then his self-esteem just does a nose dive. He has alternating episodes of these two states. This time he just went over the edge. In the positive aspect of this we've seen Zell almost elated, and inappropriately optimistic. He's also had bad judgment and speeded thought, movement, and speech during that period of time,"
Everyone had to admit, that did sound exactly like Zell.
"I've heard of bipolar disorder before," Quistis stated. "It's a chemical imbalance in the body that affects your emotions. You're either miserable or so happy you could scream. I've heard it can be treated, though, right?"
"It can be treated, yes," Nida replied. "We could give him anti-depressants, but I'd need Dr. Kadowaki's permission first. I'm sure she'll agree and then we'll have a real good chance of beating this. The medication, along with talking things through when he needs it should do the trick."
"This is great, Nida!" Selphie exclaimed. "I swear, you'll be running this Garden in no time flat!"
"That's the plan." he replied, smiling. "I'll get a hold of Dr. Kadowaki right away."
"We'd better ask Zell first, before we do anything." Squall stated. "Besides, there's something else I wanted to talk to him about..."
"What's that?" Irvine asked.
Squall crossed his arms, smiling secretively.
"These past few days Zell has really improved and now we have a concrete source as to what caused all of this in the first place. Zell's on the road to recovery.............and I think maybe he's ready to move back into his dorm room."
"Oh, he'll be so excited!" Selphie exclaimed with her usual enthusiasm. "Let's go ask him!"
________________________________________________
Rinoa had stayed with Zell while the others had gone out to talk with Nida. Now, as they entered the room, she looked up from her chair near the bed and smiled.
"Look at the busy bee," She said, indicating Zell. He was sitting up with his sketchbook on his knees, working furiously.
"Oooo.........what's he drawing?" Selphie asked excitedly.
"He won't tell me." Rinoa replied. "Says it's a surprise."
"Come on, Zell, lemme see!" Selphie pleaded.
"Don't bother, Selphie." Squall chuckled. "You know he won't let you see." Squall then quickly made a move to see the front of the sketchbook. "But you'll let your *best friend* see, won't you, Zell?"
Zell instantly clutched the pad to his chest to prevent Squall from catching even the smallest glimpse.
"Not till I'm done." he stated firmly.
Squall mock pouted, and Selphie gave a whimper of indifference, but they waited patiently for him to finish, nonetheless.
"Done." He said at last.
"What is it, what is it..........?!!!!" Selphie asked impatiently, bouncing from foot to foot.
Zell laughed, slowly turning the sketchbook around for the others to see what he had drawn. It was a picture of the whole gang, including Seifer and his posse, in a giant group hug surrounding Zell.
"I know it's kinda corny." Zell admitted, smiling. "But, I wanted to draw something to show you guys how you make me feel. It's like I've got this big wall of support around me."
"It's beautiful, Zell." Rinoa said lovingly.
"I love it!!" Selphie cried. "What an artist!"
Everyone gave Zell great praise over his drawing. Seifer expressed to Zell that he truly felt like he was forgiven because he, Raijin, and Fujin were there, too. It was certainly one of Zell's best, and definitely one of his favorites. For the first time he had drawn something not to escape his problems with, but because his family had helped him overcome them.
"So.." Zell began, placing the sketchbook down on the bed. "I know you guys were talking about me in there. What did Nida say?"
At this, Squall came closer to the bed, sitting down next to Zell. He smiled, hope shining in his eyes.
"He gave us an explanation of what might be wrong with you." Squall said. "He believes that you're bipolar.......manic-depressive. Do you know what that means?"
"I've heard of it before......just never thought about it applying to me........" he smiled weakly, shaking his head. "All this time I'm thinking that I feel so terrible 'cause I've done so much wrong in my life.......or things I shouldn't have done. I never imagined some disorder was causing all this.........."
"I know it doesn't make what you're going through any easier..." Squall continued. "But we can treat this.....with anti-depressants. We'll need to get Dr. Kadowaki's permission, but if that's what you want to do, then....."
"Of course that's what I wanna do!" Zell exclaimed. "Anything I can do to get over this......I gotta do. You actually thought ya needed to ask me?"
Squall's smile broadened. "We just didn't want to make any decisions before we'd talked to you about it. I'll tell Nida to get in touch with Dr. Kadowaki about this and we'll get to work on it right away. Remember, we're always here for you when you need us, Zell."
"I know," Zell smiled.
"Squall..." Selphie began. "Can I tell him about........you know...." She was bouncing excitedly again.
"What....?" Zell asked suspiciously.
Squall grinned at Selphie. "Go ahead, Selph,"
She leaned closer to Zell in the bed, beaming as usual. "Everything's been going so great and you're doing just super, so.......we wanna help you move back into your room!"
Zell's face fell.
"....isn't that great?!" Selphie asked.
They'd all expected him to jump at this chance, but he seemed anything but excited.
"What is it Zell?" Squall asked, concerned. "I thought you'd be happy to finally get outta here...."
"I am.....I mean......I hate being cooped up in this place, it's just......I don't think I can go back...........to that room again........." Zell confessed. He looked up at Squall out of the corner of his blue eyes, a regretful look within them. "There's just so much pain there.....so much I wish I hadn't done...." He rubbed at his wrists involuntarily, looking down at the blanket to his side. When he realized what he was doing, he stopped, leaving his hands to tremble.
"Guess we never even thought of that." Irvine said.
"You know..." Quistis put in. "..we could always help you move into a different room, Zell. It could be like......a whole new start."
"Yeah!" chimed in Rinoa. "There's an empty room right next to Squall's! We could move you in there!"
Zell pondered that a moment while the others looked at him hopefully. He would like being closer to Squall, since he had been the one to stand by him the most in the past few weeks.
"I think I like that idea." Zell said. "A new start.......a new room......why not?"
"Woohoo!" Selphie called. "Moving day!"
_________________________________________
The gang wasted no time in helping Zell move from his room in the infirmary and began right away moving Zell's things from his old dorm to his new one next to Squall's. Zell couldn't help but feel relieved knowing that Squall would be so close if he needed him. Everyone else felt the same way.
"Sephie, maybe you should let me handle that one. It looks a bit too heavy for....."
"Are you saying I'm weak, Irvine Kinneas!?" Selphie demanded angrily, bending over a large box filled to the brim with cds and books.
"Well...."
"Hmph.......I'll show you I'm stronger than you think I am, Mr. Smarty!"
She then smugly attempted to lift the box off the ground with....little success. Selphie didn't let a little set back phase her, though. She simply got a better grip on the box and hoisted it up into her arms with all her might. It appeared at first that she was handling the box just fine, but soon it became apparent that she was slowly tilting backwards until........she fell heavily into Irvine's arms with the box flying in the other direction.
Irvine, being the gentleman that he is, carefully helped Selphie to her feet. He grinned over at her, looking as if he were about to say something........
"Don't you dare!" Selphie cried and then promptly grabbed a much smaller box and walked out of the room with it. Irvine chuckled to himself and headed out after her.
"Wonder what that was all about?" Zell asked as he entered the room. Squall, who was with him, merely smiled.
"I don't know, but Selphie looked pretty mad."
They laughed, taking survey over the room. There wasn't much left of Zell Dincht anymore.
"Guess we're just about finished," Squall observed, looking around at the empty room. "Looks like it's only those last couple boxes and then we're done."
"Yeah..." Zell said thoughtfully. "Just one thing left to get...."
Squall watched questioningly as Zell went to the windowsill and began working the wood out of place. After a moment, he had it moved ever so slightly, and Squall saw that he was removing something from underneath the sill.
"Zell...?"
"See this...?" Zell interrupted softly, holding something up to the light. It was a razor blade. "This was my form of escape for a long time.....Just a few dashes every now and again and everything was fine......"
Squall froze. The air seemed to tense and thicken in a single breath. Zell had such a saddened, longing expression on his face. It chilled the room all on its own.
"You.......have no idea how......good it felt...." Zell continued, staring blankly at the blade between his fingers. "I slit myself right beside the left vein in my arm one time....I was thirteen....It took away *everything*.....all the other kind of mental pain and abuse I had to deal with...."
"It wasn't real, Zell......" Squall told him carefully. "It didn't take anything away. It just made things worse. Look back at the past week and what do you see....?"
"I know....." Zell admitted. "I don't mean to.......freak you out or anything, it's just hard remembering, you know?"
Zell ran the dull side of the blade along the vein in his left arm and closed his eyes, reminicing over the things he was leaving behind. The painful, horrible things....
"I can still feel it........blood rolling down my arm....sharp pain that eventually just.....stopped." Zell shook his head. "God, I'm doing it again...sorry, Squall, I just...got lost for a minute..."
Squall was about to tell him it was okay, but Zell felt his back press against the wall involuntarily and his knees buckling. In the corner of the room, he was slowly slipping to the floor.
Squall reached out for him when Zell fell, but he was too far away. He moved closer to him now and sat down next to him on the floor, placing a caring hand on his shoulder.
"You alright?" Squall asked.
Zell looked up at him and smiled weakly. "I'm ok."
He sat cross-legged on the floor and placed the razor blade in front of him. He kept his gaze on that blade, slowly removing his ever-present gloves and placing them next to him. He rubbed his hands and wrists, looking at all the white scars that covered them. Squall couldn't help but stare as well. He hadn't seen them since that night so long ago when he had come across Zell asleep on the balcony in the ballroom. Zell had never showed those scars to him willingly before.
(I can't imagine someone going through so much pain in their life that they could do something like that over and over again......) Squall thought. (Of course I can't imagine. I'm not Zell.)
"Do you want to talk about it, Zell?" Squall asked him.
He could only nod. Tears were forming in his blue eyes and he looked near breaking point again. Squall couldn't stand to see him like this anymore. The sight was slowly tearing him apart, heart and soul.
"I've been doing so good, Squall....." Zell said tonelessly, still staring blankly at the blade in front of him. He didn't seem to notice the tear that rolled down his cheek and across his tattoo. "Everything's been feeling so much easier....but....here I go again, falling back into this for no reason....." He looked over at Squall then, a forlorn expression on his face. "That's when it's the worst, you know, when there isn't a reason.....Sure, I could look back and give myself some, but it doesn't work that way anymore....I can forget it, see past it....even Trabia seems so far away now....."
"It's not your fault, Zell...." Squall comforted. "It's because of the disorder. It's a chemical imbalance. You can't control it.......at least not yet."
"....that's right...." Zell said. "......shifting emotions, shifting states of emotions........dammit, I wish I could shift back......" He wiped at his eyes again, his gaze always returning to the blade. "It was when I'd feel like this that I'd pick up that razor.........and half of me......wants to pick it up again......"
Zell broke into sobs, bowing his head and burying his face in his bare hands. Squall was so pained to see this again, but he was not going to give up on Zell, not now nor ever. They were going to beat this. He moved nearer to Zell, pulling him close, and Zell fell into his shoulder as Squall wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight.
"It's ok, Zell....." Squall whispered in his ear. "I'm not gonna let you do that, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you......."
They stayed like that a few minutes, Squall rocking gently one of his closest friends, who was now closer to him than ever. He loved Zell like a brother.
After some silence had passed, Zell carefully pulled himself away, wiping at his remaining tears.
"I'm sorry I did that to you again." Zell said.
"Don't be sorry, Zell" Squall replied. "Anytime you need to talk I'm right next door now. I don't care if it's three in the morning, if you need me, wake me up."
"Thanks, man....." Zell said, smiling. "I think I owe you my life a few times over now."
Squall smiled as well, proud that they had gotten through another one of those unbearable moments. They would get through this, no matter what it took. He never had lost faith in that and he never would. The true healing had only just begun.
"Selphie and Irvine can handle those last couple of boxes...." Squall began. "...and you can always get settled into your new place later. How 'bout we get out of here?"
"Sounds like a plan to me." Zell answered.
They got themselves up off the floor and Zell reached down to pick up his gloves, snatching up the razor blade as well.
"Yeah..." Zell mumbled, fingering the blade. "Let's get outta here..."
Zell and Squall exited the room, and just before walking out the door, Zell took one last look at the razor and then tossed it into the trashcan.
"Selphie, come on. I was only kidding..." Irvine pleaded, tailing Selphie as they reentered the room.
"I am *not* talking to you." She stated smugly.
"But Sephie......."
_______________________________________________
Squall and Zell walked around the Garden after that, talking with each other and just trying to relax for a while. Eventually they found themselves heading towards the training center to spar. Squall thought it would be good for Zell to get a little exercise after being cooped up in the infirmary for so long, and Zell had no objections.
Zell disarmed Squall of his gunblade almost immediately, leaving Squall practically defenseless against him. After all, Zell's expertise was in hand to hand combat. Squall did prove quite a good physical fighter without his weapon, but he still needed work.
"Ha!" Zell declared in victory, his knee firmly placed in Squall's chest. "Pinned ya."
"Let me up!" Squall growled, pushing Zell away and sitting up in the dirt. He glared at Zell and Zell smirked. There was nothing better than beating the SeeD commander in a fight.
Suddenly, Squall lept at Zell, forcing him to the ground. Zell wasted no time in flipping Squall over behind him to hit the ground hard on his back. Zell then did a quick back flip and landed with his knee in Squall's chest again.
"Pinned ya again!"
They smiled and helped each other stand.
"Ready to give up yet?" Zell asked, smoothing back his blonde hair. He knew Squall didn't want to be too rough with him because of his injuries, but he was almost in tip top shape again, and he was having way too much fun to quit now.
"Not yet!" Squall called back. "Unless you're too scared to keep going......?"
"Never!!"
Zell pounced on Squall again and they started wrestling with each other like brothers fighting over the TV remote. Zell couldn't remember the last time he had felt so good. He felt alive again. There was no place on earth either of them would rather be.
They sparred for hours in the training center, Zell always getting the upper hand. Finally, after gaining a few more bruises than he would have liked, Squall managed to pin Zell, and keep him pinned.
"Gotcha!" Squall called triumphantly.
"Come on!" Zell cried. "Let me up, man!"
Squall smiled evilly. "Sorry, can't do that."
"Huh?" Zell questioned. "What do you mean?"
Squall sighed, his face becoming slightly serious. "We've been having a great time today, Zell, and you're doing so good...........I just can't let you up till you promise me something."
"Promise you what...?" Zell asked suspiciously.
Squall took a deep breath. "I want you to promise me that you'll go see your parents tomorrow..."
Zell's eyes widened, and he pushed Squall away fiercely, forcing himself up.
"I told you before...." Zell began. "I don't want them worrying. I don't...."
"....want them to know anything." Squall finished. "I know, Zell. But they *do* know, and they *are* worried about you."
Zell sighed. "...I just don't want them to be.......ashamed of me.....you know?"
Squall nodded. "I understand.......but you need to do this." he said. "I'll go with you, if you want me to."
Zell sat silent, thinking things over. He missed his parents, and he didn't want them to worry about him. It was just so hard imagining going back there with them knowing what he was going through......what he'd almost done. Everyone in Balamb was always saying how strong he was, what a great son he was, what a great person. His parents themselves would tell him that all the time. How could he go back to them knowing he'd let them down.......
(I want to go see them.......) Zell thought. (But....I......urrg. I gotta do this. Squall's right. Besides, if he's there with me.....I know I can get through this.)
"Ok." Zell said at last. "If ya don't mind coming with me........I'll go."
"Great." Squall smiled. "We can go in the morning, just the two of us." He stood, reaching a hand down to Zell. "Feel like grabbing something to eat?"
"You can never have too many hotdogs!" Zell answered, accepting the offered hand.
Squall couldn't help but laugh at that. "What would I do without you?" he said, grabbing Zell around the shoulders.
(And I'll thank God everyday that I won't hafta worry about *that* for a long time....)
__________________________________________
Zell spoke little on the way to Balamb, and Squall could tell he was getting more nervous by the minute. He wished he could comfort him somehow, and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but truthfully, he didn't how Zell's parents were going to react to all this anymore than Zell did. Ma Dincht had sounded very concerned and anxious when Squall had called the night before to tell them that they'd be coming in the morning. He hoped things would go well, for Zell's sake, but at least he'd be there in case things got too difficult. He just really hoped they wouldn't.
"Oh, Zell, I just don't understand why you didn't come to us if you were going through all that." Ma Dincht stated. They were all gathered in the Dincht's living room; Squall in a chair near Zell, and Zell's parent's across from them on the couch.
"I didn't want you to worry, Ma." Zell admitted. "You were always saying how proud you were of me......I didn't want to let you down....."
"And you thought killing yourself was the answer!?" Pa Dincht shouted.
Squall tensed in his seat. Pa had been edgy ever since they'd gotten there. Squall was staying silent for now, but he wasn't above saying something if he thought either Pa or Ma Dincht was getting out of line. If he thought Zell needed to get out of there, he was ready to get him out in a second.
"......I didn't know what to think...." Zell said meekly "....I just wanted everything to stop hurting........I thought I wanted to die........"
Ma leaned closer to Zell, clasping his hands in hers. "Oh, honey, I just wish you would've told us....something. Anything....."
"Instead you go sneakin' around cuttin' your wrists and choking down pills with God knows what in them!" Pa said, shouting angrily again.
Zell's face cringed in anguish at his father's harsh words. Squall could see this was killing him, and he wasn't going to let it go any further.
"I think that's enough, Mr. Dincht." Squall stated firmly. "Zell doesn't need accusations right now, he needs your understanding....."
Pa stood fiercely from the couch nearly knocking the coffee table over. "How dare you talk to me like that in my own house! You have no right to tell me how to raise my son!"
Squall was all set to come right back at Pa after that, but Ma beat him to it.
"Pa Dincht, you shut your mouth!" she yelled angrily, standing up from the couch as well. "First off, this young man has saved our boys life more times than I can count and I will not have you speaking to him like that! Second........he's absolutely right." She moved around the coffee table closer to Zell and kneeled down beside him. "If understandin's what you need, sweetheart, than that's what you'll get from us. Right, Pa?" she added, emphasizing her words.
Pa Dincht glared at the floor a few moments, but soon seemed to soften. His anger was slowly flooding away to reveal alot of shame and regret for his words.
"I'm.....sorry, Zell" he mended at last. "Squall.......you're right, I need to understand what my boy's goin' through and not be judging him for it. I'm just feelin' like I must have done somethin' wrong, Zell, to make you believe ya had no other way out."
"It's not your fault, Pa." Zell said. "It's no one's fault......"
"I know, it's 'cause of that disorder ya got." Pa interrupted. He sat back down on the couch and Ma returned to join him.
Squall felt much more relaxed about the situation now, and he could see the change in Zell, too.
"We just want you to know that we'll always be here when you need us, Zell." Ma comforted. "We don't want anything like this to happen ever again."
"I promise you that it won't." Squall stated. "We're all in this together, and no matter what happens, I will never give up on Zell."
Zell smiled at Squall, loving him for being there with him, and helping him through so much. "Thanks, Squall...."
"Yes." Ma cut in. "Thank you, Squall, for everything."
"You better take good care of our boy back at that Garden." Pa added. "And, tell us next time if something happens."
Squall looked to Pa seriously. "That's not up to me......"
They all turned to Zell. This hadn't been as difficult as he'd imagined it, at least not anymore. He knew his parents loved him, and that they'd always be there for him. He didn't want them to have to worry anymore.
"I won't keep anything from any of you again." Zell stated. "That's a promise."
It was a big step for all of them that day. Zell had been able to face his parents, and they had been able to understand why their dearest son hadn't come to them. Pa may have been harsh at first, but he'd truly only been blaming himself. The Dincht's understood better than ever now who their son was. Zell couldn't have been happier, and Squall was beaming right beside him.
"You sure now that you wanna go back to Garden.....?" Pa asked. "You can always stay here for awhile if ya need to."
After alot of talking and much needed understanding on both sides, Squall and Zell were getting ready to leave.
"Zell needs to be around his friends right now, while things are still a little rocky for him." Squall replied. "We've been helping him through this from the beginning. We won't let him down now."
The Dincht's nodded, and Zell smiled assuredly. "He's right, Pa. I couldn't have gotten through this without them. I'll be alright. The Garden's my home."
"Just don't forget ya got one here too, honey, ok?" Ma said, giving her boy a hug.
"Ya come home whenever ya need too." Pa added. "We love ya, son."
"Love you, too, Pa. Love ya, Ma." Zell replied. "I won't forget that I've got a great family here in Balamb waitin' for me. And....." he paused, turning to Squall. "....you don't have to worry, 'cause I've got a great family at the Garden, too."
Squall smiled. That's exactly how he saw it, only for him, the Garden was the only home with the only family he'd ever known. Zell wasn't just like a brother, he *was* a brother, and nothing would ever change that.
"Goodbye Mr. and Mrs. Dincht." Squall said as they left. "We'll get through this with Zell.........one day at a time."
_____________________________________________
**Zell's POV** (A year has past...)
[With the lyrics from Michael W. Smith's, "Let Me Show You the Way."]
The world can be a cruel place, sometimes crueler than we can stand. So cruel in fact, that we'd rather be a whisper of a memory than flesh and blood at all anymore. We may find it's difficult to admit when we've fallen into a cycle like that. We may end up trying to bear it all on our own. But, you see, the people closest to us won't always let us slip away so easily.
[I'm looking at you, old friend of mine, it's no use pretending that everything's fine]
I happen to be one of the lucky ones with friends who are more than just friends. They're the type of friends that never give up on you, and mine never gave up on me.
[Now don't be so brave, don't be so proud, I want you to know that I'm here for you now]
When I was hurting they were hurting, too.
[I can see you hurting and it's hurting me. It doesn't have to be this way]
All I had to do was let my friends help lead me out of my nightmare...
[If you'd let me hold you closer, let me know you, let me show you the way]
It took me a long time to realize how loved and needed I really was. All of my friends tried so hard to get me to see that, but nothing was working. It took a leap of faith on Squall's part for me to finally understand.
[I'm feeling for you, feeling so much. When this heart is big enough for the both of us, I'll give you my love if you give me your pain, I'll hold it inside of me till you're stronger again]
It killed Squall to see me so broken, just as it killed me to be so broken, but the worst for Squall was when nothing seemed to be working.
[Well I hate seeing you so far away, when not a word can say it enough]
But, Squall never gave up. He believed in me, and he saw me through it all.
[I'll be your rock for this day, when I hear you calling out me name, cause I know you'd only do the same for me]
Together we pulled through, along with everyone else behind us, and our relationship will never be the same. We came out of the storm stronger and closer than ever.
[Somebody gonna hold your head up, somebody gonna show you the light. Somebody gonna hold your head up, somebody gonna treat you right...]
Thank God they did...
**Back to 3rd person POV**
Zell Dincht stood at the front of his class as he finished his lecture. Hours had drifted past, but to Zell, and to every ear listening, the time just flew by. He felt too strongly towards the message he was sending out, and they were too entranced to even breathe an interruption.
"So, you see, none of that junk I used to do ever helped me." Zell finished. "It was only when I finally realized how loved I was by my friends, that I was able to deal with my problems and conquer them......"
Any final thoughts he may have added to that were cut short by the sounding of the bell. For once, the students didn't rush the door, but waited in their seats to be dismissed.
"You guys have been great today." Zell said, smiling. "Go on, get outta here. I'll see you all tomorrow."
The students began filing out of the room, almost every one of them offering some respectful word if not at least an admiring smile as they left. Zell sat down at his desk after most of the students had gone out, and noticed after a moment that one of the newer students was drifting over to him instead of leaving.
"Somethin' ya need, Simon?" Zell asked the boy cheerfully.
Simon Raeff was a rather short, twelve year old boy who'd just recently transferred to Balamb Garden. Zell had noticed that the boy hadn't quite made many friends yet, and always took special attention in being nice to him.
"Instructor Dincht...." Simon began meekly, moving closer to the desk. ".....do you think you had an especially hard time with things because you were manic-depressive.....?"
Zell smiled. "Probably, but that doesn't mean the problems I had weren't real. They just needed to be delt with."
Simon nodded his head slowly, his gaze locked on his feet. He made no move to leave.
"Somethin' else ya wanna talk to me about....?" Zell asked carefully.
"Well.......you know I'm kinda new here, and that I haven't made many friends yet....." Simon said softly. ".....I was just wondering if maybe we could talk...."
"Anytime, sport." Zell said with enthusiasm. "What ya wanna get off your chest?"
Simon was fidgeting with his fingers, never quite looking Zell in the eye. "I've never thought that I could talk about by problems with anyone before, but after today.......I don't know.......I kind of feel like you might understand what I'm going through...."
Zell beamed. He'd always told his students that if they ever needed someone to talk to they could come to him. After all, he did know a thing or two about dealing with alot of pain.
"Simon, you feel up to some hotdogs in the cafeteria?" Zell asked brightly. "I've found that there's no better food in the world to talk about your problems over."
At last, Simon looked up, returning Zell's smile. ".......I'd really like that."
"Great!" Zell said, pushing back his chair. "I'm always here when you need someone to talk to." He stood up, leading Simon to the door. Before they left, though, he turned back, and pointed to the pictures on his desk.
"See those...?" Zell asked. There was an assortment of picture of Zell with the whole gang, some of just him and Squall or just one of the others, but most were of all of them together. The most prized of them all, though, was the sketch he had drawn so long ago... "...that right there is the biggest reason I'm here today. It was because I had so many people who loved me, who I could talk to, that I got through the toughest time in my life." Zell put his arm around Simon's shoulder. "Don't think just 'cause ya haven't made many friends yet that you're missing out on that, though. That's what I'm here for, as long as you need me."
Zell lead Simon out the door, turning back to shut off the light, and just before he did he stole one last glance at that sketch.....
(Thanks for being there guys........you saved my life)
Zell turned off the light and shut the door behind him. He happily walked along with Simon as they headed for the cafeteria to catch the last of the hotdogs.
THE END
That's it. I can't believe it. Hope you liked the song I worked in there. Alot of people were telling me that I should fit, "Adam's Song" in here, but after listening to it, and looking up the lyrics, I couldn't. The song does fit the original perfectly, but didn't seem right for my "happy" ending. I wanted something with hope, and Michael W. Smith's song has always reminding me of this fic. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I've enjoyed working on it. Please review.
Chapter 13-Once Again
"I think I know what's wrong with Zell," Nida stated as the teenagers gathered in the room.
"Whadda ya mean by that?" Seifer asked. "Is there something more to all this?"
"He's got what's known as manic-depressive psychosis, or more accurately refereed to as bipolar disorder." Nida replied. "It's like this: Zell can be extremely happy for a period of time and then his self-esteem just does a nose dive. He has alternating episodes of these two states. This time he just went over the edge. In the positive aspect of this we've seen Zell almost elated, and inappropriately optimistic. He's also had bad judgment and speeded thought, movement, and speech during that period of time,"
Everyone had to admit, that did sound exactly like Zell.
"I've heard of bipolar disorder before," Quistis stated. "It's a chemical imbalance in the body that affects your emotions. You're either miserable or so happy you could scream. I've heard it can be treated, though, right?"
"It can be treated, yes," Nida replied. "We could give him anti-depressants, but I'd need Dr. Kadowaki's permission first. I'm sure she'll agree and then we'll have a real good chance of beating this. The medication, along with talking things through when he needs it should do the trick."
"This is great, Nida!" Selphie exclaimed. "I swear, you'll be running this Garden in no time flat!"
"That's the plan." he replied, smiling. "I'll get a hold of Dr. Kadowaki right away."
"We'd better ask Zell first, before we do anything." Squall stated. "Besides, there's something else I wanted to talk to him about..."
"What's that?" Irvine asked.
Squall crossed his arms, smiling secretively.
"These past few days Zell has really improved and now we have a concrete source as to what caused all of this in the first place. Zell's on the road to recovery.............and I think maybe he's ready to move back into his dorm room."
"Oh, he'll be so excited!" Selphie exclaimed with her usual enthusiasm. "Let's go ask him!"
________________________________________________
Rinoa had stayed with Zell while the others had gone out to talk with Nida. Now, as they entered the room, she looked up from her chair near the bed and smiled.
"Look at the busy bee," She said, indicating Zell. He was sitting up with his sketchbook on his knees, working furiously.
"Oooo.........what's he drawing?" Selphie asked excitedly.
"He won't tell me." Rinoa replied. "Says it's a surprise."
"Come on, Zell, lemme see!" Selphie pleaded.
"Don't bother, Selphie." Squall chuckled. "You know he won't let you see." Squall then quickly made a move to see the front of the sketchbook. "But you'll let your *best friend* see, won't you, Zell?"
Zell instantly clutched the pad to his chest to prevent Squall from catching even the smallest glimpse.
"Not till I'm done." he stated firmly.
Squall mock pouted, and Selphie gave a whimper of indifference, but they waited patiently for him to finish, nonetheless.
"Done." He said at last.
"What is it, what is it..........?!!!!" Selphie asked impatiently, bouncing from foot to foot.
Zell laughed, slowly turning the sketchbook around for the others to see what he had drawn. It was a picture of the whole gang, including Seifer and his posse, in a giant group hug surrounding Zell.
"I know it's kinda corny." Zell admitted, smiling. "But, I wanted to draw something to show you guys how you make me feel. It's like I've got this big wall of support around me."
"It's beautiful, Zell." Rinoa said lovingly.
"I love it!!" Selphie cried. "What an artist!"
Everyone gave Zell great praise over his drawing. Seifer expressed to Zell that he truly felt like he was forgiven because he, Raijin, and Fujin were there, too. It was certainly one of Zell's best, and definitely one of his favorites. For the first time he had drawn something not to escape his problems with, but because his family had helped him overcome them.
"So.." Zell began, placing the sketchbook down on the bed. "I know you guys were talking about me in there. What did Nida say?"
At this, Squall came closer to the bed, sitting down next to Zell. He smiled, hope shining in his eyes.
"He gave us an explanation of what might be wrong with you." Squall said. "He believes that you're bipolar.......manic-depressive. Do you know what that means?"
"I've heard of it before......just never thought about it applying to me........" he smiled weakly, shaking his head. "All this time I'm thinking that I feel so terrible 'cause I've done so much wrong in my life.......or things I shouldn't have done. I never imagined some disorder was causing all this.........."
"I know it doesn't make what you're going through any easier..." Squall continued. "But we can treat this.....with anti-depressants. We'll need to get Dr. Kadowaki's permission, but if that's what you want to do, then....."
"Of course that's what I wanna do!" Zell exclaimed. "Anything I can do to get over this......I gotta do. You actually thought ya needed to ask me?"
Squall's smile broadened. "We just didn't want to make any decisions before we'd talked to you about it. I'll tell Nida to get in touch with Dr. Kadowaki about this and we'll get to work on it right away. Remember, we're always here for you when you need us, Zell."
"I know," Zell smiled.
"Squall..." Selphie began. "Can I tell him about........you know...." She was bouncing excitedly again.
"What....?" Zell asked suspiciously.
Squall grinned at Selphie. "Go ahead, Selph,"
She leaned closer to Zell in the bed, beaming as usual. "Everything's been going so great and you're doing just super, so.......we wanna help you move back into your room!"
Zell's face fell.
"....isn't that great?!" Selphie asked.
They'd all expected him to jump at this chance, but he seemed anything but excited.
"What is it Zell?" Squall asked, concerned. "I thought you'd be happy to finally get outta here...."
"I am.....I mean......I hate being cooped up in this place, it's just......I don't think I can go back...........to that room again........." Zell confessed. He looked up at Squall out of the corner of his blue eyes, a regretful look within them. "There's just so much pain there.....so much I wish I hadn't done...." He rubbed at his wrists involuntarily, looking down at the blanket to his side. When he realized what he was doing, he stopped, leaving his hands to tremble.
"Guess we never even thought of that." Irvine said.
"You know..." Quistis put in. "..we could always help you move into a different room, Zell. It could be like......a whole new start."
"Yeah!" chimed in Rinoa. "There's an empty room right next to Squall's! We could move you in there!"
Zell pondered that a moment while the others looked at him hopefully. He would like being closer to Squall, since he had been the one to stand by him the most in the past few weeks.
"I think I like that idea." Zell said. "A new start.......a new room......why not?"
"Woohoo!" Selphie called. "Moving day!"
_________________________________________
The gang wasted no time in helping Zell move from his room in the infirmary and began right away moving Zell's things from his old dorm to his new one next to Squall's. Zell couldn't help but feel relieved knowing that Squall would be so close if he needed him. Everyone else felt the same way.
"Sephie, maybe you should let me handle that one. It looks a bit too heavy for....."
"Are you saying I'm weak, Irvine Kinneas!?" Selphie demanded angrily, bending over a large box filled to the brim with cds and books.
"Well...."
"Hmph.......I'll show you I'm stronger than you think I am, Mr. Smarty!"
She then smugly attempted to lift the box off the ground with....little success. Selphie didn't let a little set back phase her, though. She simply got a better grip on the box and hoisted it up into her arms with all her might. It appeared at first that she was handling the box just fine, but soon it became apparent that she was slowly tilting backwards until........she fell heavily into Irvine's arms with the box flying in the other direction.
Irvine, being the gentleman that he is, carefully helped Selphie to her feet. He grinned over at her, looking as if he were about to say something........
"Don't you dare!" Selphie cried and then promptly grabbed a much smaller box and walked out of the room with it. Irvine chuckled to himself and headed out after her.
"Wonder what that was all about?" Zell asked as he entered the room. Squall, who was with him, merely smiled.
"I don't know, but Selphie looked pretty mad."
They laughed, taking survey over the room. There wasn't much left of Zell Dincht anymore.
"Guess we're just about finished," Squall observed, looking around at the empty room. "Looks like it's only those last couple boxes and then we're done."
"Yeah..." Zell said thoughtfully. "Just one thing left to get...."
Squall watched questioningly as Zell went to the windowsill and began working the wood out of place. After a moment, he had it moved ever so slightly, and Squall saw that he was removing something from underneath the sill.
"Zell...?"
"See this...?" Zell interrupted softly, holding something up to the light. It was a razor blade. "This was my form of escape for a long time.....Just a few dashes every now and again and everything was fine......"
Squall froze. The air seemed to tense and thicken in a single breath. Zell had such a saddened, longing expression on his face. It chilled the room all on its own.
"You.......have no idea how......good it felt...." Zell continued, staring blankly at the blade between his fingers. "I slit myself right beside the left vein in my arm one time....I was thirteen....It took away *everything*.....all the other kind of mental pain and abuse I had to deal with...."
"It wasn't real, Zell......" Squall told him carefully. "It didn't take anything away. It just made things worse. Look back at the past week and what do you see....?"
"I know....." Zell admitted. "I don't mean to.......freak you out or anything, it's just hard remembering, you know?"
Zell ran the dull side of the blade along the vein in his left arm and closed his eyes, reminicing over the things he was leaving behind. The painful, horrible things....
"I can still feel it........blood rolling down my arm....sharp pain that eventually just.....stopped." Zell shook his head. "God, I'm doing it again...sorry, Squall, I just...got lost for a minute..."
Squall was about to tell him it was okay, but Zell felt his back press against the wall involuntarily and his knees buckling. In the corner of the room, he was slowly slipping to the floor.
Squall reached out for him when Zell fell, but he was too far away. He moved closer to him now and sat down next to him on the floor, placing a caring hand on his shoulder.
"You alright?" Squall asked.
Zell looked up at him and smiled weakly. "I'm ok."
He sat cross-legged on the floor and placed the razor blade in front of him. He kept his gaze on that blade, slowly removing his ever-present gloves and placing them next to him. He rubbed his hands and wrists, looking at all the white scars that covered them. Squall couldn't help but stare as well. He hadn't seen them since that night so long ago when he had come across Zell asleep on the balcony in the ballroom. Zell had never showed those scars to him willingly before.
(I can't imagine someone going through so much pain in their life that they could do something like that over and over again......) Squall thought. (Of course I can't imagine. I'm not Zell.)
"Do you want to talk about it, Zell?" Squall asked him.
He could only nod. Tears were forming in his blue eyes and he looked near breaking point again. Squall couldn't stand to see him like this anymore. The sight was slowly tearing him apart, heart and soul.
"I've been doing so good, Squall....." Zell said tonelessly, still staring blankly at the blade in front of him. He didn't seem to notice the tear that rolled down his cheek and across his tattoo. "Everything's been feeling so much easier....but....here I go again, falling back into this for no reason....." He looked over at Squall then, a forlorn expression on his face. "That's when it's the worst, you know, when there isn't a reason.....Sure, I could look back and give myself some, but it doesn't work that way anymore....I can forget it, see past it....even Trabia seems so far away now....."
"It's not your fault, Zell...." Squall comforted. "It's because of the disorder. It's a chemical imbalance. You can't control it.......at least not yet."
"....that's right...." Zell said. "......shifting emotions, shifting states of emotions........dammit, I wish I could shift back......" He wiped at his eyes again, his gaze always returning to the blade. "It was when I'd feel like this that I'd pick up that razor.........and half of me......wants to pick it up again......"
Zell broke into sobs, bowing his head and burying his face in his bare hands. Squall was so pained to see this again, but he was not going to give up on Zell, not now nor ever. They were going to beat this. He moved nearer to Zell, pulling him close, and Zell fell into his shoulder as Squall wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight.
"It's ok, Zell....." Squall whispered in his ear. "I'm not gonna let you do that, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you......."
They stayed like that a few minutes, Squall rocking gently one of his closest friends, who was now closer to him than ever. He loved Zell like a brother.
After some silence had passed, Zell carefully pulled himself away, wiping at his remaining tears.
"I'm sorry I did that to you again." Zell said.
"Don't be sorry, Zell" Squall replied. "Anytime you need to talk I'm right next door now. I don't care if it's three in the morning, if you need me, wake me up."
"Thanks, man....." Zell said, smiling. "I think I owe you my life a few times over now."
Squall smiled as well, proud that they had gotten through another one of those unbearable moments. They would get through this, no matter what it took. He never had lost faith in that and he never would. The true healing had only just begun.
"Selphie and Irvine can handle those last couple of boxes...." Squall began. "...and you can always get settled into your new place later. How 'bout we get out of here?"
"Sounds like a plan to me." Zell answered.
They got themselves up off the floor and Zell reached down to pick up his gloves, snatching up the razor blade as well.
"Yeah..." Zell mumbled, fingering the blade. "Let's get outta here..."
Zell and Squall exited the room, and just before walking out the door, Zell took one last look at the razor and then tossed it into the trashcan.
"Selphie, come on. I was only kidding..." Irvine pleaded, tailing Selphie as they reentered the room.
"I am *not* talking to you." She stated smugly.
"But Sephie......."
_______________________________________________
Squall and Zell walked around the Garden after that, talking with each other and just trying to relax for a while. Eventually they found themselves heading towards the training center to spar. Squall thought it would be good for Zell to get a little exercise after being cooped up in the infirmary for so long, and Zell had no objections.
Zell disarmed Squall of his gunblade almost immediately, leaving Squall practically defenseless against him. After all, Zell's expertise was in hand to hand combat. Squall did prove quite a good physical fighter without his weapon, but he still needed work.
"Ha!" Zell declared in victory, his knee firmly placed in Squall's chest. "Pinned ya."
"Let me up!" Squall growled, pushing Zell away and sitting up in the dirt. He glared at Zell and Zell smirked. There was nothing better than beating the SeeD commander in a fight.
Suddenly, Squall lept at Zell, forcing him to the ground. Zell wasted no time in flipping Squall over behind him to hit the ground hard on his back. Zell then did a quick back flip and landed with his knee in Squall's chest again.
"Pinned ya again!"
They smiled and helped each other stand.
"Ready to give up yet?" Zell asked, smoothing back his blonde hair. He knew Squall didn't want to be too rough with him because of his injuries, but he was almost in tip top shape again, and he was having way too much fun to quit now.
"Not yet!" Squall called back. "Unless you're too scared to keep going......?"
"Never!!"
Zell pounced on Squall again and they started wrestling with each other like brothers fighting over the TV remote. Zell couldn't remember the last time he had felt so good. He felt alive again. There was no place on earth either of them would rather be.
They sparred for hours in the training center, Zell always getting the upper hand. Finally, after gaining a few more bruises than he would have liked, Squall managed to pin Zell, and keep him pinned.
"Gotcha!" Squall called triumphantly.
"Come on!" Zell cried. "Let me up, man!"
Squall smiled evilly. "Sorry, can't do that."
"Huh?" Zell questioned. "What do you mean?"
Squall sighed, his face becoming slightly serious. "We've been having a great time today, Zell, and you're doing so good...........I just can't let you up till you promise me something."
"Promise you what...?" Zell asked suspiciously.
Squall took a deep breath. "I want you to promise me that you'll go see your parents tomorrow..."
Zell's eyes widened, and he pushed Squall away fiercely, forcing himself up.
"I told you before...." Zell began. "I don't want them worrying. I don't...."
"....want them to know anything." Squall finished. "I know, Zell. But they *do* know, and they *are* worried about you."
Zell sighed. "...I just don't want them to be.......ashamed of me.....you know?"
Squall nodded. "I understand.......but you need to do this." he said. "I'll go with you, if you want me to."
Zell sat silent, thinking things over. He missed his parents, and he didn't want them to worry about him. It was just so hard imagining going back there with them knowing what he was going through......what he'd almost done. Everyone in Balamb was always saying how strong he was, what a great son he was, what a great person. His parents themselves would tell him that all the time. How could he go back to them knowing he'd let them down.......
(I want to go see them.......) Zell thought. (But....I......urrg. I gotta do this. Squall's right. Besides, if he's there with me.....I know I can get through this.)
"Ok." Zell said at last. "If ya don't mind coming with me........I'll go."
"Great." Squall smiled. "We can go in the morning, just the two of us." He stood, reaching a hand down to Zell. "Feel like grabbing something to eat?"
"You can never have too many hotdogs!" Zell answered, accepting the offered hand.
Squall couldn't help but laugh at that. "What would I do without you?" he said, grabbing Zell around the shoulders.
(And I'll thank God everyday that I won't hafta worry about *that* for a long time....)
__________________________________________
Zell spoke little on the way to Balamb, and Squall could tell he was getting more nervous by the minute. He wished he could comfort him somehow, and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but truthfully, he didn't how Zell's parents were going to react to all this anymore than Zell did. Ma Dincht had sounded very concerned and anxious when Squall had called the night before to tell them that they'd be coming in the morning. He hoped things would go well, for Zell's sake, but at least he'd be there in case things got too difficult. He just really hoped they wouldn't.
"Oh, Zell, I just don't understand why you didn't come to us if you were going through all that." Ma Dincht stated. They were all gathered in the Dincht's living room; Squall in a chair near Zell, and Zell's parent's across from them on the couch.
"I didn't want you to worry, Ma." Zell admitted. "You were always saying how proud you were of me......I didn't want to let you down....."
"And you thought killing yourself was the answer!?" Pa Dincht shouted.
Squall tensed in his seat. Pa had been edgy ever since they'd gotten there. Squall was staying silent for now, but he wasn't above saying something if he thought either Pa or Ma Dincht was getting out of line. If he thought Zell needed to get out of there, he was ready to get him out in a second.
"......I didn't know what to think...." Zell said meekly "....I just wanted everything to stop hurting........I thought I wanted to die........"
Ma leaned closer to Zell, clasping his hands in hers. "Oh, honey, I just wish you would've told us....something. Anything....."
"Instead you go sneakin' around cuttin' your wrists and choking down pills with God knows what in them!" Pa said, shouting angrily again.
Zell's face cringed in anguish at his father's harsh words. Squall could see this was killing him, and he wasn't going to let it go any further.
"I think that's enough, Mr. Dincht." Squall stated firmly. "Zell doesn't need accusations right now, he needs your understanding....."
Pa stood fiercely from the couch nearly knocking the coffee table over. "How dare you talk to me like that in my own house! You have no right to tell me how to raise my son!"
Squall was all set to come right back at Pa after that, but Ma beat him to it.
"Pa Dincht, you shut your mouth!" she yelled angrily, standing up from the couch as well. "First off, this young man has saved our boys life more times than I can count and I will not have you speaking to him like that! Second........he's absolutely right." She moved around the coffee table closer to Zell and kneeled down beside him. "If understandin's what you need, sweetheart, than that's what you'll get from us. Right, Pa?" she added, emphasizing her words.
Pa Dincht glared at the floor a few moments, but soon seemed to soften. His anger was slowly flooding away to reveal alot of shame and regret for his words.
"I'm.....sorry, Zell" he mended at last. "Squall.......you're right, I need to understand what my boy's goin' through and not be judging him for it. I'm just feelin' like I must have done somethin' wrong, Zell, to make you believe ya had no other way out."
"It's not your fault, Pa." Zell said. "It's no one's fault......"
"I know, it's 'cause of that disorder ya got." Pa interrupted. He sat back down on the couch and Ma returned to join him.
Squall felt much more relaxed about the situation now, and he could see the change in Zell, too.
"We just want you to know that we'll always be here when you need us, Zell." Ma comforted. "We don't want anything like this to happen ever again."
"I promise you that it won't." Squall stated. "We're all in this together, and no matter what happens, I will never give up on Zell."
Zell smiled at Squall, loving him for being there with him, and helping him through so much. "Thanks, Squall...."
"Yes." Ma cut in. "Thank you, Squall, for everything."
"You better take good care of our boy back at that Garden." Pa added. "And, tell us next time if something happens."
Squall looked to Pa seriously. "That's not up to me......"
They all turned to Zell. This hadn't been as difficult as he'd imagined it, at least not anymore. He knew his parents loved him, and that they'd always be there for him. He didn't want them to have to worry anymore.
"I won't keep anything from any of you again." Zell stated. "That's a promise."
It was a big step for all of them that day. Zell had been able to face his parents, and they had been able to understand why their dearest son hadn't come to them. Pa may have been harsh at first, but he'd truly only been blaming himself. The Dincht's understood better than ever now who their son was. Zell couldn't have been happier, and Squall was beaming right beside him.
"You sure now that you wanna go back to Garden.....?" Pa asked. "You can always stay here for awhile if ya need to."
After alot of talking and much needed understanding on both sides, Squall and Zell were getting ready to leave.
"Zell needs to be around his friends right now, while things are still a little rocky for him." Squall replied. "We've been helping him through this from the beginning. We won't let him down now."
The Dincht's nodded, and Zell smiled assuredly. "He's right, Pa. I couldn't have gotten through this without them. I'll be alright. The Garden's my home."
"Just don't forget ya got one here too, honey, ok?" Ma said, giving her boy a hug.
"Ya come home whenever ya need too." Pa added. "We love ya, son."
"Love you, too, Pa. Love ya, Ma." Zell replied. "I won't forget that I've got a great family here in Balamb waitin' for me. And....." he paused, turning to Squall. "....you don't have to worry, 'cause I've got a great family at the Garden, too."
Squall smiled. That's exactly how he saw it, only for him, the Garden was the only home with the only family he'd ever known. Zell wasn't just like a brother, he *was* a brother, and nothing would ever change that.
"Goodbye Mr. and Mrs. Dincht." Squall said as they left. "We'll get through this with Zell.........one day at a time."
_____________________________________________
**Zell's POV** (A year has past...)
[With the lyrics from Michael W. Smith's, "Let Me Show You the Way."]
The world can be a cruel place, sometimes crueler than we can stand. So cruel in fact, that we'd rather be a whisper of a memory than flesh and blood at all anymore. We may find it's difficult to admit when we've fallen into a cycle like that. We may end up trying to bear it all on our own. But, you see, the people closest to us won't always let us slip away so easily.
[I'm looking at you, old friend of mine, it's no use pretending that everything's fine]
I happen to be one of the lucky ones with friends who are more than just friends. They're the type of friends that never give up on you, and mine never gave up on me.
[Now don't be so brave, don't be so proud, I want you to know that I'm here for you now]
When I was hurting they were hurting, too.
[I can see you hurting and it's hurting me. It doesn't have to be this way]
All I had to do was let my friends help lead me out of my nightmare...
[If you'd let me hold you closer, let me know you, let me show you the way]
It took me a long time to realize how loved and needed I really was. All of my friends tried so hard to get me to see that, but nothing was working. It took a leap of faith on Squall's part for me to finally understand.
[I'm feeling for you, feeling so much. When this heart is big enough for the both of us, I'll give you my love if you give me your pain, I'll hold it inside of me till you're stronger again]
It killed Squall to see me so broken, just as it killed me to be so broken, but the worst for Squall was when nothing seemed to be working.
[Well I hate seeing you so far away, when not a word can say it enough]
But, Squall never gave up. He believed in me, and he saw me through it all.
[I'll be your rock for this day, when I hear you calling out me name, cause I know you'd only do the same for me]
Together we pulled through, along with everyone else behind us, and our relationship will never be the same. We came out of the storm stronger and closer than ever.
[Somebody gonna hold your head up, somebody gonna show you the light. Somebody gonna hold your head up, somebody gonna treat you right...]
Thank God they did...
**Back to 3rd person POV**
Zell Dincht stood at the front of his class as he finished his lecture. Hours had drifted past, but to Zell, and to every ear listening, the time just flew by. He felt too strongly towards the message he was sending out, and they were too entranced to even breathe an interruption.
"So, you see, none of that junk I used to do ever helped me." Zell finished. "It was only when I finally realized how loved I was by my friends, that I was able to deal with my problems and conquer them......"
Any final thoughts he may have added to that were cut short by the sounding of the bell. For once, the students didn't rush the door, but waited in their seats to be dismissed.
"You guys have been great today." Zell said, smiling. "Go on, get outta here. I'll see you all tomorrow."
The students began filing out of the room, almost every one of them offering some respectful word if not at least an admiring smile as they left. Zell sat down at his desk after most of the students had gone out, and noticed after a moment that one of the newer students was drifting over to him instead of leaving.
"Somethin' ya need, Simon?" Zell asked the boy cheerfully.
Simon Raeff was a rather short, twelve year old boy who'd just recently transferred to Balamb Garden. Zell had noticed that the boy hadn't quite made many friends yet, and always took special attention in being nice to him.
"Instructor Dincht...." Simon began meekly, moving closer to the desk. ".....do you think you had an especially hard time with things because you were manic-depressive.....?"
Zell smiled. "Probably, but that doesn't mean the problems I had weren't real. They just needed to be delt with."
Simon nodded his head slowly, his gaze locked on his feet. He made no move to leave.
"Somethin' else ya wanna talk to me about....?" Zell asked carefully.
"Well.......you know I'm kinda new here, and that I haven't made many friends yet....." Simon said softly. ".....I was just wondering if maybe we could talk...."
"Anytime, sport." Zell said with enthusiasm. "What ya wanna get off your chest?"
Simon was fidgeting with his fingers, never quite looking Zell in the eye. "I've never thought that I could talk about by problems with anyone before, but after today.......I don't know.......I kind of feel like you might understand what I'm going through...."
Zell beamed. He'd always told his students that if they ever needed someone to talk to they could come to him. After all, he did know a thing or two about dealing with alot of pain.
"Simon, you feel up to some hotdogs in the cafeteria?" Zell asked brightly. "I've found that there's no better food in the world to talk about your problems over."
At last, Simon looked up, returning Zell's smile. ".......I'd really like that."
"Great!" Zell said, pushing back his chair. "I'm always here when you need someone to talk to." He stood up, leading Simon to the door. Before they left, though, he turned back, and pointed to the pictures on his desk.
"See those...?" Zell asked. There was an assortment of picture of Zell with the whole gang, some of just him and Squall or just one of the others, but most were of all of them together. The most prized of them all, though, was the sketch he had drawn so long ago... "...that right there is the biggest reason I'm here today. It was because I had so many people who loved me, who I could talk to, that I got through the toughest time in my life." Zell put his arm around Simon's shoulder. "Don't think just 'cause ya haven't made many friends yet that you're missing out on that, though. That's what I'm here for, as long as you need me."
Zell lead Simon out the door, turning back to shut off the light, and just before he did he stole one last glance at that sketch.....
(Thanks for being there guys........you saved my life)
Zell turned off the light and shut the door behind him. He happily walked along with Simon as they headed for the cafeteria to catch the last of the hotdogs.
THE END
That's it. I can't believe it. Hope you liked the song I worked in there. Alot of people were telling me that I should fit, "Adam's Song" in here, but after listening to it, and looking up the lyrics, I couldn't. The song does fit the original perfectly, but didn't seem right for my "happy" ending. I wanted something with hope, and Michael W. Smith's song has always reminding me of this fic. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I've enjoyed working on it. Please review.