Futame Kinen
"Harmful Memory"
Once again, yaoi is NOT the intent...so please, no flames about that. Also, I think there is ONE single solitary swear word in here...but I rated it PG13 just to be safe...and so all the chapters would match. ^_^
Beware the thick coating of sap later in the chapter. My fics get like that sometimes, very sappy. Gomen!
And the obligatory disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Squirrels stole Grandma Bob.
Chapter Four - Kyokusetsu - Yurusu Yurushi!
"Complications - Allow Forgiveness!"
When Chichiri awoke the next day, the sun was almost at its zenith. At first he questioned all he remembered happening...perhaps it had all been a dream...? Until...
"Oh, my head..." the monk groaned, sitting up in his bed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples.
After a few moments he forced himself to open his eyes and get up...but as soon as he did he sat down again on the edge of his bed, too dizzy to trust his feet. It was then he noticed that he was not alone in his room - sprawled in a nearby chair, fast asleep, was Tasuki. For whatever reason it was nice to have him there...but it also angered Chichiri that Tasuki still cared enough to stay and watch over him after what had happened.
Chichiri just sat there for a while, staring at his friend, too intent on trying to decipher the willful redhead to notice his headache much. Tasuki stirred, opening his big eyes and yawning. Suddenly the young man remembered what had happened and glanced, panicked, around the room. His wide golden eyes landed on the older seishi and he grinned.
"I really hate you," Chichiri told him. Tasuki smirked at him.
"Yeah, I know, ya hated me before and the headache probably isn't helping," the bandit replied. He stood up, yawning again and stretching.
"So, feeling better?" Tasuki asked, putting an arm companionably around his friend's shoulders. Chichiri glared at him.
"I hate you," he reiterated.
"Yeah, well I love ya, 'Chiri," Tasuki replied. Chichiri didn't consider it much consolation; after all, his head was still splitting...
For a long moment Chichiri just watched his grinning friend, then managed to return the redhead's smile at least partially.
* This is the same as forgiving me, right? * Chichiri thought hopefully. As long as Tasuki wasn't angry with him, he didn't need to be angry with himself, he decided. After all, everything was okay, and no one had been hurt. Everyone could put it behind them with minimal effort and that would be that. Chichiri's smiled widened.
"You two alive?" Nuriko's musical voice called through the door.
"As much as can be expected," Tasuki called back, walking with Chichiri to the door, bringing a hand up to his temples. Two years with the bandits and Kouji had left Tasuki quite used to headaches, so he showed little sign of the aftereffects of getting utterly smashed the night before, though he felt them. Chichiri's self-control was wearing thin, though, and he wondered if Mitsukake could help. If nothing else, maybe Hotohori would skewer him. He'd been willing to do it for Miaka, after all...
***
"We need to think about the next step - getting the Shinzahou. Each moment we delay gives our enemies more time to plot against us," Chiriko announced that evening, shortly after they'd all sat down to dinner.
"But to get the Shinzahou, we'd have to pretty much put our lives in the hands of the rest of the group. What if Chi..." Tamahome stopped as Chichiri dropped his cup. The delicate porcelain shattered on the ground, and tea splattered everywhere.
"What I meant was, what if someone were to..." Tamahome trailed off, looking sheepish as Nuriko and Tasuki both glared at him.
"No, no he's right. I'm a danger...it would be best if I just stayed behind," Chichiri agreed softly.
"No! You didn't do anything wrong, Chichiri!" Tasuki shouted, slamming a fist down angrily on the table. Miaka, who hadn't been paying attention, looked up, surprised, almost choking on her food.
"Yes I did! I attacked you, Tasuki, or don't you remember?"
"But it wasn't your fault!"
"Then whose was it?" Chichiri inquired, his voice barely above a whisper, "Whose fault, if not mine? And even if it wasn't, the fact remains that it still happened, and could happen again." Tasuki had no argument for this. For a long moment Chichiri simply looked intently at his friend, waiting for an answer.
"I'm a danger. It would be best if I just stayed behind," Chichiri reiterated firmly, still looking right at Tasuki.
"Please excuse me," Chichiri requested, rising and leaving the room before anyone had time to object.
***
Later that evening, as dusk began to settle over Kounan, Tasuki walked up to Chichiri's door and knocked timidly. There was no answer. Tasuki knocked again. Still no answer. Tasuki thought for a moment, pretty sure Chichiri was inside and just ignoring him. Suddenly, he came up with an idea.
"Knock, knock! Who's there? It's Tasuki! Tasuki who? Tasuki, Chichiri's friend, here to see how he's doing! Oh, great, Tasuki, come right on in! Thank you!" Tasuki dutifully recited, opening the door with the last remark. Chichiri didn't even look up.
"What, ya never heard Kouji do that?" Tasuki asked.
"What did you need, Tasuki?"
Tasuki tilted his head at his friend, confused at Chichiri's tone of voice, an expressionless monotone. He didn't sound right...he didn't sound like Chichiri. That was the best way Tasuki could think of to describe it. Even when the oldest seishi dropped his happy-go-lucky, energetic front, he still carried an edge of hope and faith in his voice. He was their light in the dark, a beacon of optimism they could trust completely.
But he sounded like he'd given up on the world, like he'd lost the will to live.
"What's wrong, Chichiri, did something happen? I finally got you to smile this morning, and now you're all gloomy again? And what was with that performance at dinner, huh?"
"It's no use, Tasuki, I thought I could forgive myself, but I can't! I thought that if YOU forgave me, I could forgive myself. After all, it was YOU that I...that I attacked..."
"I forgive you, Chichiri! I was never even mad at you, just confused..."
"I know that..."
"Then what's the matter?"
"You may forgive me, but..." Chichiri began reluctantly, biting his lip and pausing for a moment, "...but the others don't, at least, not all of them..."
"Why would they be mad at you? You didn't hurt anyone, Chichiri, didn't even TRY to hurt anyone but me, and I forgive you!" Tasuki exclaimed, trying to understand. Chichiri smiled softly, a pained smile, but an honest one. It was one of the things he loved about Tasuki, his childlike innocence in many areas. He couldn't comprehend why anyone would be mad at Chichiri if nothing bad had happened, and if his friend hadn't meant any harm.
"I didn't have to hurt anyone. It's just the fact that I TRIED, and I could try again. What if next time it isn't you, Tasuki, but someone helpless, like Miaka...or Chiriko?" Tasuki's eyes widened a little, and Chichiri knew he'd hit the mark. After a moment, though, the young rogue shook his head.
"No, Chichiri. You'd never attack either of them..."
"But don't you see? Before yesterday you probably would have said I'd never attack you, either. But I did, didn't I? I attacked you. If you'd been just a little slower, just a little less agile, if you'd stumbled a little more or if something had distracted you, I could've hurt you. I could've KILLED you!"
"But you didn't..."
"Because it was YOU, Tasuki! Because you are who you are, because you can defend yourself! What if you'd made a mistake, stumbled or fallen, and I HAD hurt you? KILLED you? What if it HAD been Chiriko? What then?"
"It wouldn't change anything..." Tasuki began.
"Yes, it would!" Chichiri snapped, "It would change everything! The only reason you defend me is that no one was hurt, and you're too foolish to look beyond that!"
"The only reason I defend you is that you're my friend, Chichiri! And it doesn't matter what you do, or what you COULD do, nothing's going to change that!" Tasuki shot back. His voice broke in the middle of the statement, and tears came to his amber eyes.
"What if I'd attacked Chiriko? Damn it, Tasuki, what if I'd KILLED him?"
"Then I'd miss him. And you. Because I know you love him too and you'd kill yourself if you hurt him," Tasuki replied simply, tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, and in his quavering voice. Chichiri found that he couldn't speak, couldn't force words past the huge lump in his throat.
"H...how...how would you...know...?"Chichiri finally managed to choke out.
"You'd be surprised what I know," Tasuki responded quietly.
"Would I?" Chichiri asked, turning away, looking out the window at the luminous sunset. He wondered briefly how anything could be so beautiful when he was feeling so awful.
"Yes, you would," Tasuki informed him. Chichiri could hear the soft padding of Tasuki's booted feet on the floor as his friend approached.
"W...what do you know...that you think...I'd find so surprising?" Chichiri said, managing to calm his voice somewhat. Chichiri felt panic rise in his chest as Tasuki slipped his arms around his shoulders and set his chin on the blue-haired man's shoulder.
"I know that I...I love you. Aniki," Tasuki whispered. Chichiri shook off his embrace, turning to face the brigand and taking a step back.
"What...?" Chichiri began, but he didn't get any further. He was too confused. Who was this, and what had they done with Tasuki?
Tasuki just stood there for a moment, blushing again, and with a quick, mumbled apology, fled the room.
Chichiri watched him go, shocked.
Well *I* thought the aniki idea was cute. I doubt anyone else did...but oh well.
Reviews are much appreciated!
"Harmful Memory"
Once again, yaoi is NOT the intent...so please, no flames about that. Also, I think there is ONE single solitary swear word in here...but I rated it PG13 just to be safe...and so all the chapters would match. ^_^
Beware the thick coating of sap later in the chapter. My fics get like that sometimes, very sappy. Gomen!
And the obligatory disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Squirrels stole Grandma Bob.
Chapter Four - Kyokusetsu - Yurusu Yurushi!
"Complications - Allow Forgiveness!"
When Chichiri awoke the next day, the sun was almost at its zenith. At first he questioned all he remembered happening...perhaps it had all been a dream...? Until...
"Oh, my head..." the monk groaned, sitting up in his bed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples.
After a few moments he forced himself to open his eyes and get up...but as soon as he did he sat down again on the edge of his bed, too dizzy to trust his feet. It was then he noticed that he was not alone in his room - sprawled in a nearby chair, fast asleep, was Tasuki. For whatever reason it was nice to have him there...but it also angered Chichiri that Tasuki still cared enough to stay and watch over him after what had happened.
Chichiri just sat there for a while, staring at his friend, too intent on trying to decipher the willful redhead to notice his headache much. Tasuki stirred, opening his big eyes and yawning. Suddenly the young man remembered what had happened and glanced, panicked, around the room. His wide golden eyes landed on the older seishi and he grinned.
"I really hate you," Chichiri told him. Tasuki smirked at him.
"Yeah, I know, ya hated me before and the headache probably isn't helping," the bandit replied. He stood up, yawning again and stretching.
"So, feeling better?" Tasuki asked, putting an arm companionably around his friend's shoulders. Chichiri glared at him.
"I hate you," he reiterated.
"Yeah, well I love ya, 'Chiri," Tasuki replied. Chichiri didn't consider it much consolation; after all, his head was still splitting...
For a long moment Chichiri just watched his grinning friend, then managed to return the redhead's smile at least partially.
* This is the same as forgiving me, right? * Chichiri thought hopefully. As long as Tasuki wasn't angry with him, he didn't need to be angry with himself, he decided. After all, everything was okay, and no one had been hurt. Everyone could put it behind them with minimal effort and that would be that. Chichiri's smiled widened.
"You two alive?" Nuriko's musical voice called through the door.
"As much as can be expected," Tasuki called back, walking with Chichiri to the door, bringing a hand up to his temples. Two years with the bandits and Kouji had left Tasuki quite used to headaches, so he showed little sign of the aftereffects of getting utterly smashed the night before, though he felt them. Chichiri's self-control was wearing thin, though, and he wondered if Mitsukake could help. If nothing else, maybe Hotohori would skewer him. He'd been willing to do it for Miaka, after all...
***
"We need to think about the next step - getting the Shinzahou. Each moment we delay gives our enemies more time to plot against us," Chiriko announced that evening, shortly after they'd all sat down to dinner.
"But to get the Shinzahou, we'd have to pretty much put our lives in the hands of the rest of the group. What if Chi..." Tamahome stopped as Chichiri dropped his cup. The delicate porcelain shattered on the ground, and tea splattered everywhere.
"What I meant was, what if someone were to..." Tamahome trailed off, looking sheepish as Nuriko and Tasuki both glared at him.
"No, no he's right. I'm a danger...it would be best if I just stayed behind," Chichiri agreed softly.
"No! You didn't do anything wrong, Chichiri!" Tasuki shouted, slamming a fist down angrily on the table. Miaka, who hadn't been paying attention, looked up, surprised, almost choking on her food.
"Yes I did! I attacked you, Tasuki, or don't you remember?"
"But it wasn't your fault!"
"Then whose was it?" Chichiri inquired, his voice barely above a whisper, "Whose fault, if not mine? And even if it wasn't, the fact remains that it still happened, and could happen again." Tasuki had no argument for this. For a long moment Chichiri simply looked intently at his friend, waiting for an answer.
"I'm a danger. It would be best if I just stayed behind," Chichiri reiterated firmly, still looking right at Tasuki.
"Please excuse me," Chichiri requested, rising and leaving the room before anyone had time to object.
***
Later that evening, as dusk began to settle over Kounan, Tasuki walked up to Chichiri's door and knocked timidly. There was no answer. Tasuki knocked again. Still no answer. Tasuki thought for a moment, pretty sure Chichiri was inside and just ignoring him. Suddenly, he came up with an idea.
"Knock, knock! Who's there? It's Tasuki! Tasuki who? Tasuki, Chichiri's friend, here to see how he's doing! Oh, great, Tasuki, come right on in! Thank you!" Tasuki dutifully recited, opening the door with the last remark. Chichiri didn't even look up.
"What, ya never heard Kouji do that?" Tasuki asked.
"What did you need, Tasuki?"
Tasuki tilted his head at his friend, confused at Chichiri's tone of voice, an expressionless monotone. He didn't sound right...he didn't sound like Chichiri. That was the best way Tasuki could think of to describe it. Even when the oldest seishi dropped his happy-go-lucky, energetic front, he still carried an edge of hope and faith in his voice. He was their light in the dark, a beacon of optimism they could trust completely.
But he sounded like he'd given up on the world, like he'd lost the will to live.
"What's wrong, Chichiri, did something happen? I finally got you to smile this morning, and now you're all gloomy again? And what was with that performance at dinner, huh?"
"It's no use, Tasuki, I thought I could forgive myself, but I can't! I thought that if YOU forgave me, I could forgive myself. After all, it was YOU that I...that I attacked..."
"I forgive you, Chichiri! I was never even mad at you, just confused..."
"I know that..."
"Then what's the matter?"
"You may forgive me, but..." Chichiri began reluctantly, biting his lip and pausing for a moment, "...but the others don't, at least, not all of them..."
"Why would they be mad at you? You didn't hurt anyone, Chichiri, didn't even TRY to hurt anyone but me, and I forgive you!" Tasuki exclaimed, trying to understand. Chichiri smiled softly, a pained smile, but an honest one. It was one of the things he loved about Tasuki, his childlike innocence in many areas. He couldn't comprehend why anyone would be mad at Chichiri if nothing bad had happened, and if his friend hadn't meant any harm.
"I didn't have to hurt anyone. It's just the fact that I TRIED, and I could try again. What if next time it isn't you, Tasuki, but someone helpless, like Miaka...or Chiriko?" Tasuki's eyes widened a little, and Chichiri knew he'd hit the mark. After a moment, though, the young rogue shook his head.
"No, Chichiri. You'd never attack either of them..."
"But don't you see? Before yesterday you probably would have said I'd never attack you, either. But I did, didn't I? I attacked you. If you'd been just a little slower, just a little less agile, if you'd stumbled a little more or if something had distracted you, I could've hurt you. I could've KILLED you!"
"But you didn't..."
"Because it was YOU, Tasuki! Because you are who you are, because you can defend yourself! What if you'd made a mistake, stumbled or fallen, and I HAD hurt you? KILLED you? What if it HAD been Chiriko? What then?"
"It wouldn't change anything..." Tasuki began.
"Yes, it would!" Chichiri snapped, "It would change everything! The only reason you defend me is that no one was hurt, and you're too foolish to look beyond that!"
"The only reason I defend you is that you're my friend, Chichiri! And it doesn't matter what you do, or what you COULD do, nothing's going to change that!" Tasuki shot back. His voice broke in the middle of the statement, and tears came to his amber eyes.
"What if I'd attacked Chiriko? Damn it, Tasuki, what if I'd KILLED him?"
"Then I'd miss him. And you. Because I know you love him too and you'd kill yourself if you hurt him," Tasuki replied simply, tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, and in his quavering voice. Chichiri found that he couldn't speak, couldn't force words past the huge lump in his throat.
"H...how...how would you...know...?"Chichiri finally managed to choke out.
"You'd be surprised what I know," Tasuki responded quietly.
"Would I?" Chichiri asked, turning away, looking out the window at the luminous sunset. He wondered briefly how anything could be so beautiful when he was feeling so awful.
"Yes, you would," Tasuki informed him. Chichiri could hear the soft padding of Tasuki's booted feet on the floor as his friend approached.
"W...what do you know...that you think...I'd find so surprising?" Chichiri said, managing to calm his voice somewhat. Chichiri felt panic rise in his chest as Tasuki slipped his arms around his shoulders and set his chin on the blue-haired man's shoulder.
"I know that I...I love you. Aniki," Tasuki whispered. Chichiri shook off his embrace, turning to face the brigand and taking a step back.
"What...?" Chichiri began, but he didn't get any further. He was too confused. Who was this, and what had they done with Tasuki?
Tasuki just stood there for a moment, blushing again, and with a quick, mumbled apology, fled the room.
Chichiri watched him go, shocked.
Well *I* thought the aniki idea was cute. I doubt anyone else did...but oh well.
Reviews are much appreciated!