Feigning Love Part 3
It appeared to be the only way. She was angry, and I knew it. She could have at least explained where all this anger was coming from, but I'll accept what I get now. 'Wait!' I think angrily, 'I am not going to let her stomp off angry with me, when I gave up my girlfriend for her! I love her!'
But instead off racing up her doorsteps I instead walked away. Like the coward I am. Yes that's right folks... Yamato Ishida walks away from love, romance, and anything related to the heart.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My heart hurts. I have never, in my life, felt something quite as painful as the actual physical contracting of my heart. I never knew that a person, more specifically one I loved, would ever hurt or emotionally scar me. Perhaps I was wrong, which leads me to believe I was wrong about a lot of things.
As of recently, I have been suffering from love's most common byproduct... suicidal manic depression. Not that I plan on killing myself, because I don't, it's just that at times I feel that life couldn't be any worse even if I was dead. So I crumple to the ground in my agony, and cry for all I'm worth. I suppose that the situation proves that I am, in fact, capable of loving another human being.
That's not as reassuring as I originally thought.
I can't live like this. I can't cry because crying seems the only thing left to do that has meaning, and I refuse to give up a life of vanity, and charm, for a life of hate and pain. Its not in my contract, and nor will it ever. I shudder at the thought of dieing, but quickly retrain my thoughts.
I need a drink.
Unfortunately, at my age, drinking seems to be the least wise of all my possible choices. I could probably watch T.V. But again, hurt and pain emanate from the boob tube. Instead, I carry my seemingly lifeless body up the stairs to my room where I fall into a restless sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yamato. Ba! Who does he think he is, anyway? I, for one, am sick and tired of his mindless, unvented, frustration. He thinks he can be angry at Mimi for not being as much in love with him as he is with her, but really... did he actually, for one minute, think she had it in her to love someone below her?
Unfortunately for me, our relationship, or lack there of, is only a temporary affair. We both know it. There is no point in beating around the bush. But until the day comes where she feels that she has had enough of me, and I know she will despite my attempts at self-contradiction, then I shall set her free.
I don't wish to burden her with stupid false beliefs that love exists in the most unreliable, and unrealistic places, and so I shall only stay as long as she wants. But I do hope she wants me as long as I want her.
Forever is what I'm for. Damn me, and my high expectations.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It is impossible to reason with her, impossible to the point of being compromised. I have tried, truly I've tried, its just a fact of life that every poor sap must go through. Unfortunately, it is not something that can be taken lightly.
So before I lost my composure, and cried like the scared and angst-filled person that I am, I walked to her door, rang the bell and waited patiently for the small footfalls that would give evidence of her arrival. My heart hammered and I nearly, or so it felt, fainted. But of course with every great expectation, comes the inevitable downfall.
She was not only angry at my unannounced visit, but was thoroughly livid with me. What did she expect? The loss of a battle without a fight? Of course I will fight for what I believe is rightfully mine. After all my heart has been hers for so long, I feel she is more like a tenant of it then someone I just love. A tenant, who is impossible to evict.
Please let her love me. I beg her forgiveness with my eyes, rather then with my words, and hope to God she got the message.
"No." She said simply before shutting the door and leaving me speechless for the second time today.
It appeared to be the only way. She was angry, and I knew it. She could have at least explained where all this anger was coming from, but I'll accept what I get now. 'Wait!' I think angrily, 'I am not going to let her stomp off angry with me, when I gave up my girlfriend for her! I love her!'
But instead off racing up her doorsteps I instead walked away. Like the coward I am. Yes that's right folks... Yamato Ishida walks away from love, romance, and anything related to the heart.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My heart hurts. I have never, in my life, felt something quite as painful as the actual physical contracting of my heart. I never knew that a person, more specifically one I loved, would ever hurt or emotionally scar me. Perhaps I was wrong, which leads me to believe I was wrong about a lot of things.
As of recently, I have been suffering from love's most common byproduct... suicidal manic depression. Not that I plan on killing myself, because I don't, it's just that at times I feel that life couldn't be any worse even if I was dead. So I crumple to the ground in my agony, and cry for all I'm worth. I suppose that the situation proves that I am, in fact, capable of loving another human being.
That's not as reassuring as I originally thought.
I can't live like this. I can't cry because crying seems the only thing left to do that has meaning, and I refuse to give up a life of vanity, and charm, for a life of hate and pain. Its not in my contract, and nor will it ever. I shudder at the thought of dieing, but quickly retrain my thoughts.
I need a drink.
Unfortunately, at my age, drinking seems to be the least wise of all my possible choices. I could probably watch T.V. But again, hurt and pain emanate from the boob tube. Instead, I carry my seemingly lifeless body up the stairs to my room where I fall into a restless sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yamato. Ba! Who does he think he is, anyway? I, for one, am sick and tired of his mindless, unvented, frustration. He thinks he can be angry at Mimi for not being as much in love with him as he is with her, but really... did he actually, for one minute, think she had it in her to love someone below her?
Unfortunately for me, our relationship, or lack there of, is only a temporary affair. We both know it. There is no point in beating around the bush. But until the day comes where she feels that she has had enough of me, and I know she will despite my attempts at self-contradiction, then I shall set her free.
I don't wish to burden her with stupid false beliefs that love exists in the most unreliable, and unrealistic places, and so I shall only stay as long as she wants. But I do hope she wants me as long as I want her.
Forever is what I'm for. Damn me, and my high expectations.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It is impossible to reason with her, impossible to the point of being compromised. I have tried, truly I've tried, its just a fact of life that every poor sap must go through. Unfortunately, it is not something that can be taken lightly.
So before I lost my composure, and cried like the scared and angst-filled person that I am, I walked to her door, rang the bell and waited patiently for the small footfalls that would give evidence of her arrival. My heart hammered and I nearly, or so it felt, fainted. But of course with every great expectation, comes the inevitable downfall.
She was not only angry at my unannounced visit, but was thoroughly livid with me. What did she expect? The loss of a battle without a fight? Of course I will fight for what I believe is rightfully mine. After all my heart has been hers for so long, I feel she is more like a tenant of it then someone I just love. A tenant, who is impossible to evict.
Please let her love me. I beg her forgiveness with my eyes, rather then with my words, and hope to God she got the message.
"No." She said simply before shutting the door and leaving me speechless for the second time today.