BASEket Fantasy

END OF COMMERCIAL BREAK

ANNOUNCER: Thank you, after that unnecessarily long commercial break, we return to the scheduled program - In order to piss you all off, we've skipped a couple of innings and the score is currently pretty even.

(Good Guys Dugout, Irvine is shaving)

SQUALL: Irvine, what are you doing?
IRVINE: Hey, I'm shaving!
RINOA: Your entire body?
IRVINE: Right, my hairs catch on my uniform.
SQUALL: (Suspicious) What are you hiding?
IRVINE: I'm naked and I've shaved my entire body, I'd say I'm hiding very little.
RINOA: 'Very little' being the operative word there...

(Irvine Glares at her)

Seifer is up for the shot, Zell goes for the Psyche out.

SQUALL: Oh great...

Zell grins as Seifer lines up for his shot. Then, just as he's about to throw, he smacks him with a plank of wood he removed from his baggy trousers.

ZELL: Whooargh!!
SEIFER: (Unconscious)

ANNOUNCER: Well, that was a good Psyche-out from Zell Dincht!
ANNOUNCER: So...Ultimecia is up for the next shot...But wait, who is that masked man?
TUXEDO MASK: Cease this conflict! The good sport of-

SQUALL: Oh fuck! Irvine, you got your sniper rifle?
IRVINE: Yep.

Pulls it out, takes a shot at TM. TM takes it full in the head and dies horribly.

SQUALL: Phew!

ANNOUNCER: So after that interlude, we return to the game...

Selphie steps up for the Psyche out.

SELPHIE: Hey...(She shows Ultimecia a bag) Look at this...It's, like, fat liposuctioned from Ifrit's ass.

Ultimecia wrinkles her nose.

SELPHIE: (Slides a straw into it) OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS!! (Takes a slurp) OH GOD IT'S ALL SALTY AND WARM!!! UGH!!!!

ULTIMECIA: (Throws down the ball in protest) Ah! JEEZUS!!
SELPHIE: PSYCHE-OUT! (Slurps a little more) Uh...I can't believe I did that (Long pause. Slurps a little more) Not bad...

ANNOUNCER 2: Now it's the good guys turn!!

Squall steps up to take the shot.

SQUALL: No problem...
SEIFER: (still dazed) Oh...

Squall scores, does a home-run.

SQUALL: Wa-hey!

ANNOUNCER: The good-guys are well ahead there, Seifer is still suffering from that nasty blow Zell gave him...

(Bad-Guys dug out)

SEIFER: (To Biggs) We gotta get Wedge pissed off with Irvine...Okay, here goes...
(They turn to Wedge)
SEIFER: Wedge, Irvine's bein' mouthin' off about you!
WEDGE: He has?
BIGGS: Yeah, he says he saw you doing the five-finger shuffle in the toilets before the game started.
WEDGE: You mean he was watching?

(Seifer and Biggs manage to look a little disgusted)

ANNOUNCER: Irvine is up to take the shot!

Irvine is about to take the shot. Wedge walks up to him and kicks him in the balls. Irvine doubles over, in a lot of pain.

WEDGE: Yeah!
IRVINE: (Whispers) Ah shit...

Keels over.

SEIFER: YEAH! GOOD ONE WEDGE!!

(A few hours later)

ANNOUNCER: Well, we're at the final now...(Yawns) And this is the last stage at frigging last and I guess that this is the last and most dramatic part of the game. Squall has to psyche-out Seifer to ensure that the other team does NOT go ahead...

Squall in the Dugout.

SQUALL: Jesus, we've got this far and now I can't think of anything to do!
ZELL: You done that fat thing?
SQUALL: Selphie did that, I'll never get away with it!
ZELL: Okay...Tell him that he's fat!

Squall glares at him.

ZELL: Hey! It'll work!
SQUALL: You better be right...
ZELL: Just be REEEEAL subtle!

Squall steps up to Seifer.

SQUALL: Hey...Seifer, going to lose weight?
SEIFER: Good Psyche out...
SQUALL: (Loudly, screeching in Seifer's face) YOU'RE FUCKIN' FAT!! YOU'RE SO FUCKIN' FAT!!! YOU'RE REAL FUCKING FAT!!!

Seifer falls over.

SQUALL: YEEEAAAHH!!!
ULTIMECIA: NO, I AM YOUR FATHER-Uh...no...

ANNOUNCER: Well, we're approaching the end of a historic game! I feel a song coming on...

The Reel Big Fish run on, set up and start playing.

SQUALL: One!
RINOA: Two!
SQUALL\RINOA: One, two three FOUR!

(Song: Take me on)

SQUALL: Talking away...
ZELL: I don't know what I'm to say,
IRVINE: I'll say it anyway...
SELPHIE: Today's another day to find you,
SQUALL: Shine away!
RINOA: (To Squall) I'm coming for your love okay?

ALL: TAKE OOON MEEEEEE.....
BAD GUSY: TAKE MEEE OOOON!!

(Bad Guys dugout)

SEIFER: I'll be gone in a day or two!!

ULTIMECIA: So needless to say at odds and ends...
WEDGE: (Depressed) But I'll be stumbling away,

(Good Guys dugout)

IRVINE: (Happily) Slowly learning that life is okay!
SQUALL: Say after me...it's so much better to be safe than sorry!!!!

GOOD GUYS: TAKE OOON MEEEE....
BAD GUYS: TAKE MEEEE OOON!!!
ANNOUNCER: (On the PA) I'll be gone in a day or two!

SELPHIE: (Takes a shot and scores) Oh, things that you say...
BIGGS: (Stamps foot as he is unable to Psyche-out Selphie due to the musical number!) Yeah, is it life or just a play...?
WEDGE: (In dugout, winces) My worries away
SQUALL: You're all the things I've got to remember! You shine away...
RINOA: (Sexily) You're all the things I've got to remember You shine away

GOOD GUYS: TAKE OOON MEEE....
BAD GUYS: TAKE MEEE OOON!!!
ANNOUNCER 1&2: I'LL BEEE GOOONE!!! IN A DAY OR TWOOOOO!!!!
GOOD GUYS: TAKE OOON MEEE....
BAD GUYS: TAKE MEEE OOON!!!
ANNOUNCER 1&2: I'LL BEEE GOOONE!!! IN A DAY OR TWOOOOO!!!!

GOOD GUYS: Take on me...Take me on....

(End of musical number)

SQUALL: Uh...Why did we just do that?
IRVINE: I really have no idea.

(The FINAL shot!)

ANNOUNCER: Well, this is it ladies and gents - The end. The final shot. And it's to be taken by Squall Leonhart, the generally accepted best shooter in the game!

Squall steps up.

RINOA: GO FOR IT BABY!!
SQUALL: (Nods, smiling at her, before turning to the net)
ULTIMECIA: THE FORCE IS WITH-No...

Seifer prepares for the Psyche-Out. Then, as Squall takes the shot, he squirts paint in his face.

SEIFER: Take THAT for calling me fat, you bastard!

SQUALL: What the f-?

SLOW-MO: The ball flies up into the air. It hits the rim, but bounces off. Irvine keeps it up in the air, trying for another shot.

ANNOUNCER: Irvine keeps it alive!!

Rinoa runs in, and knocks it up again

ANNOUNCER: Rinoa's taken a shot!

The ball bounces off the ring, and is caught by Squall, who then throws it again. The ball bounces off the ring as he runs up to it, it's going flying again.

ANNOUNCER: LAST CHANCE!!!

He runs for it again, and then catches the ball backwards, throwing it backwards into the air...it flies up through the air...

ANNOUNCER 2: IT'S....

The ball falls straight through the ring. Already the crowd is erupting, as are the Good Guys. The Bad Guys have their heads in their hands...

ANNOUNCER: GOOD!!!!!

CELEBRATIONS!!! Squall looks up, and sees the scoreboard. Then he does a lap of victory, after which he noisily makes out with Rinoa for a while as the crowd applauds and cheers.

ULTIMECIA: Damn! I would have succeeded if it wasn't for those pesky kids!! - Waitasec...

LAGUNA: Hey son! I'm the presenter of the trophy! No Nepotism, I had no idea he was my son until a little while ago!
SQUALL: Yeah, and I spent 17 years wondering who you were!

The Trophy is presented, it's enormous, gold and gilded.

Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Irvine, Zell and Quistis (Yes, she was there!) cheer to the crowds as they show off the trophy.

SQUALL: We've all learned an important lesson!
LAGUNA: About Sportsmanship?
SQUALL: No! Rinoa's got REEAL sensitive nipples!

Rinoa glares, but kisses him again - He kisses her.

ANNOUNCER: Okay, let's turn off the camera's before these two start to make out AGAIN...
ANNOUNCER: Goodnight everybody!!

THE END