Kilik:Shinigami no Kamikaze doesn't own Gundam Wing, but she does own a really cool Gundam Wing pencil that has a roller stamp on the top which stamps "Chang Wufei" and a little Chibi Wufei face.
SnK:But you can't have it! Even if you sue me! I'll break it before it comes to that, so Wufei-kun will never be in your fil---
Kilik:*covers SnK's mouth* Shhh... it wouldn't be wise to insult the people reading you fic.
SnK:*mumbles something angerly, glares at Kilik with the "I'll-either-Chibify-you-or-turn-you-into-a-pink-bunny---no-,-a-pink-bunny-slipper-if-you-don't-let-go"*
Kilik:*hastily uncovers her mouth*
Chibi Hwoarang:This is humiliating, why do I have to be chibi again, but Kilik doesn't?!?
SnK:*glares*I take it you'd rather be a pink bunny...?
Chibi Hwoarang:*eyes go wide* N-no, no!! Chibiness is fine!
SnK:I thought so... Anyway, I'm very, very sorry for taking so long with this part (but, I think it's a bit longer than the rest...). There are a bunch of reasons why fate kept dragging me away from the computer before I had time to write this fic, but I doubt you care/will believe them. But trust me, if it had not been for my kind and wonderful reviews (Cherry doesn't count because she's being mean because I'm being mean... but she started it...)
ChibiHwoarang:'She started it'? you sound like you're two years old...
SnK:... _as I was saying_, if not for my reviewers you'd've been lucky to get this part by next Wednsday.... So, moving on....
Kilik:A friendly reminder, this fic contains shounen ai, cussing, and angst...
(oh yea, '...'=thinking)
Here Then Gone part 8
by Shinigami no Kamikaze
"You'd better pray to any and all the gods you believe in that that kid lives." the officer practically growled at him. "Do you know the kind of sentence you can get with a murder charge...? Do you know the kind of punishment comes with the loss of life during these times?"
'Pray that that kid lives... murder... loss of life'... all were like daggers in Wufei, though he wondered if it was even a fraction of the pain he'd cause Duo... The officers interrogating him knew nothing of what he was going through right now. He'd been praying to every god he knew the name of since he realized what he'd done.
"What condition is he in...?", murmered Wufei, almost so softly that no one heard him. It was so unlike him. Usually his words were clear, loud.. as he always had confidence in what he was saying. Now he was unsure of everything, especially everything about him. He was such a weakling, giving in to alcohol and rage. And now it was not going to kill him, as it should, it would destory the one he loved. Or maybe it was some twisted form of justice, that by trying to protect the one whom he loved, he'd turned into their executioner.
No! There was no justice in that. Duo should not have to pay for his own foolishness and shortcomings. Duo shouldn't have to pay for the mistakes of someone he felt nothing for, to whom he wasn't connected to.
"I don't think you deserve to know."
Wufei winced inwardly. He was right.. he was right.... "I did it, I admit to it. I attempted to kill Heero Yuy, I stabbed Duo, I did it." Wufei had a hard time to keep his voice from breaking on the last part. Mourning over it would not chanced the fact that he might have killed the most important person in his life. What was he talking about? Duo Maxwell was his life... he'd have no desire to continue even if Duo had died of natural causes... his work could no longer sustain him.. could never again be the only thing in his life.
---
Quatre answered the call immediately. He'd gotten a feeling earlier something was wrong... So he put the other person he'd been talking to about business on hold. Rashid was on the other line, and he said, "I've got a imporant call to forward to you, Master Quatre." At the blonde's nod, the face on the screen changed to that of a woman in a hospital.. or at least, that's what he guessed from the red cross in the background. It only made him more nervous.
"Hello, Quatre Winner speaking."
"Hello Mr. Winner. I'm afriad I have some bad news.." said the woman on the other end. Quatre's heart began to race, suspicions confirmed, or at least so it seemed. "It says here you were to be informed in case there was an emergency, and Duo Maxwell was seriously injured or sick.."
"Something's wrong with Duo...?" Quatre did not hide the worry in his voice from her. He was not used to covering up or shutting out his emotions. His voice wavered, and his eyes widened. What could have happened?
"Duo Maxwell was admitted to the Distict 9 L137556 hospital at 2:23pm with a severe puncture wound to the abdomen, and doctors are working on him now. Bloodloss, and the apperent exhaustion of his body are creating some complications. They are not sure if he will live."
Quatre was shocked.. knife wound? Who would assult Duo... he didn't do it to himself, did he? Exhaustion? He knew Duo looked a little worn down from all the stress, but he did not appear to be on his last legs. He should have been more watchful of his friend! He should not have been so tied up in his work as if he had been back at one of his manors.... Quatre collected himself, and nodded solemnly, "I'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you." The woman nodded herself, and ended the transmission.
Quatre told his first caller there was an emergency, and immediately was out the door. He knocked on Trowa's door, and nearly instantaneously the circus preformer opened the door. He saw Quatre's expression, and knew something was terribly wrong. Before he could ask , Quatre spoke to him faster than he was used to hear Quatre talking, "Duo's at the hospital in critical condition."
Trowa did not ask questions, there was time for that later. He quickly ran back into his room to retrieve his key so he could get back in, and continued running back out to the hall to met Quatre. Quatre had gone to stop between two doors, the door to Heero's room, and the door to Wufei's room.
"I don't think either of them is here... I'm not sure that Heero should see Duo. I don't know even if he'd want to, and I don't think it would be good for Duo", Trowa said flatly. He did not think Quatre or Wufei was enchanted with the way Heero had been treating Duo since he'd woken, he certainly wasn't.
Quatre hesitated.. but he did not have time to hesitate. "Let's go.. we can call from the hospital and leave a message... for Wufei." Trowa had a good point... he did not feel right about it, but Trowa definately had a point. Maybe he was just thinking about how Heero used to be. Together they left to find the quickest way to the hospital that was swiftly becoming their second home.
---
Heero frantically looked around for a sign of what had happened to Duo. 'Calm down, think about this reasonably. Where do they take injured people? To a hospital.'
Heero never saw the ambulance that had come to pick Duo up, but then again he had been going around in a stupor. But was Duo even still alive...? If Wufei had killed him, Heero would be sure that Wufei died a slow death. Followed by his own... it was what he deserved for what he had put Duo through. This time, he'd finish what he started... and no Duo would be there to save him.
That was right.. Duo saved him. Not once, but twice. He was saved from a death brought upon himself by the god of death himself. But it ment nothing. Duo was only protective of his comrades, even after all this time. Heero's actions clearly showed he was unworthy... Wufei should have killed him. Wufei was right to have tried. But, even though he believed that, he could never forgive Wufei if his actions led to Duo's death.
"Here, boy!" Heero turned his head to see the man who'd first stopped him from killing Wufei. "I'll take you to the hospital, if you want." Heero wondered why the man was being so nice... but, it seemed to be the fastest and easiest way there, so Heero ran over and opened up the passenger side door. He believed if there was trouble, he could handle it.
The man immediately got in, and drove the silent boy to the hospital. He did not make conversation.. by the boy's manner, he doubted he would have gotten an answer to anything he said, anyway. He pulled up at the front, and Heero simply opened the door, and sprinted for the doors. The man never expected any thanks, though, so with a sigh and a wish for them both to have good luck, he drove away.
---
Trowa stood outside Duo's door, while Quatre watched over him from inside. They both were clueless as to what had happened to him.. who would have stabbed him, or left that bruise across his cheek? A regular criminal with only a knife wouldn't have had a chance against Duo... that left two very disturbing options, since both Heero and Wufei were still no where to be found. He did not think Wufei would do it, he was seemed to be the most protective of Duo. Heero, the way he was now... he could not be sure.
Then he saw Heero coming quickly down the hallway, and Trowa moved straight in front of the door, to block Heero in case he thought he was going in. Trowa was somewhat glad he brought his gun along when he'd gone back to get his key. Heero stopped right in front of him, "Let me by." he said icily.
Trowa didn't move. "There is no reason for me to. No one you claim friendship with is beyond the door. For all I know, you were the one who did it."
Heero's eyes flared somewhat, and one of his fists clenched, yet his tone stayed the same, "Let me by... I can remember him now... Wufei stabbed him. Let me by."
Trowa's visible eye narowed somewhat, "That's very convenient. You could be right, but I can't take any chances with him in this condition. If you remember.. if you care.. you'll understand why."
Heero thought about for a moment. If placed in Trowa's poition, he'd probably do much the same thing, but that did not matter to him now. Duo was still alive, and since that could easily change, Heero needed to talk to him now... it didn't matter that he wasn't awake to listen, "I understand, but I need to see him. This could be my last chance."
"He's unconscious, what possibly could you need to do?"
"I need to tell him something."
Trowa shook his head, "No. Not until I find out what happened." Heero knew by his tone, that the only way to get by Trowa now was by disabling him, and while Heero was tempted, he couldn't risk it.
---
At last, both Quatre and Trowa were informed about the incident. Quatre felt Heero should be let in to see Duo, definatly, now. Trowa did not agree. Unfortunately, at least in Trowa's eyes, Heero was equal to them both when it came to where Duo placed them as his kin, since he had none of his own.
Heero walked into the ICU where they kept Duo. Heero stopped in the doorway when he at last saw him. Duo was so pale and still... He breathed on his own, yet... there was so little movement. Duo was usually so vibrant. Heero felt this was wrong, the very embodiment of wrong. The brusie he'd given Duo (...the only thing he'd given Duo...) stood out on his slacken face devoid of any sign of life.. the dark circles around his eyes made him look more like he could have been dead... Then he noticed Trowa in the room, standing between him and Duo yet again. Trowa still had some doubts.
"I want to talk to him alone." Heero glared at Trowa, but Trowa met his eyes with one of his own.
Trowa crossed his arms, "There's still something unexplained. The police said Wufei stabbed Duo. No one saw Wufei hit Duo. They said the brusie was already there. Heero, how was Duo bruised?"
Trowa's eyes narrowed once more as Heero broke of the stare to look at Duo. "Why do you think I would know?" Heero was so close to Duo now... he did not want Trowa to get in the way now.
"Not just anyone can hit Duo, not that hard. That bruise was made by a fist. They said Wufei's original target was you, that he seemed to be horrified that Duo got in the way. Why would he attack you, Heero? Even drunk, he would have had to have been provoked."
To Trowa's surprize, Heero's eyes fell away from Duo. His voice softened. "I hit Duo."
"Why?"
"He... he frightened me."
"How?" Heero was not easily frightened, but Trowa figured there had to be something.
"It's none of your business." Heero now glared at Trowa. It had been hard to admit that he had been scared... scared of Duo, who had only been doing his best to help him. It was weakness, and yet he had told Trowa. Now Trowa wanted more from him?
"Fine, but I'm not leaving." Trowa aside, so he was no longer directly in Heero's way at getting from Duo, and moved to the end of Duo's bed, and watching every move the Japanese boy made.
Narrowing his eyes, Heero thought about his options. He did not want to share his conclusions with anyone but Duo, yet he needed to tell Duo, who still was not out of harm's way...who still might die. He could not force Trowa out, just as Trowa could not force him out. Heero closed the door, then letting his full glare out on Trowa, "Tell no one what occurs here."
Trowa was a little confused, but replied with, "I promise you." Trowa's confusion turned to surprize as Heero knelt next to Duo, and placed a hand over the American's.
'His hand... so cold...' Heero thought about the times during the war when he'd gotten a chance to be close to Duo.. to touch.. to feel his warmth against his skin. Heero reached out, and as he gently brushed the bangs away from Duo's closed eyes. He could feel Trowa's eyes drilling holes into him, ready to come to Duo's defense if he did anything to hurt him. Heero was just relieved that Duo still had some warmth left in him, he had felt it when he'd touched Duo's silky hair. Heero then placed both his hands around one of Duo's, trying to bring back some of the warmth there. It was stupid, Heero thought, but he wanted to do it anyway. He said softly, while leaning over Duo, so he was speaking from just above Duo's head... soft enough that Trowa barely heard... "I love you."
Trowa could hardly believe it. He had been in shock when Heero had started to display... was it tenderness? .. to Duo. Trowa would still keep his word, he decided to himself, and keep quiet about this.
Heero stood up, and started to walk a couple of steps back, his hands sliding reluctantly from Duo's. He did not want to be caught in such a moment of weakness by anyone else. It was bad enough Trowa was here. But his feelings told him he had to, and he decided to listen to them.
They stood in silence for awhile. "Trowa, how much danger is he still in?"
"Duo's strong. He'll live." For once, Heero was not upset by the aversion to his question. He wanted so badly to believe Trowa.
---
Two days later, Duo's condition was changed from critical to stable and they moved him out of intensive care...two more days after that, Trowa, Quatre, and Heero were all present when Duo began to stir. Heero was immediately by his side, closest to his face, but Trowa gently tugged at his shirt, whipsering so only he could hear, "Last time he talked to you, you hit him. Is it wise for you to be the first person he sees..?" Although he did not want to, he gave up his position to Quatre, giving in to Trowa's logic, and stood next to the blonde boy.
Duo was first aware of pain, and then became aware that there were people around. He heard someone's hushed talking, he thought, and struggled to work his eyelids, to force them up.
Trowa was walking to his place at the foot of the hospital bed when Duo managed to open his eyes and blinked, trying to remember what had happened, where he was...how he'd been hurt... He saw Quatre's face leaning over him, and smiled, even as everything that'd landed him here came rushing back to him, "Hey Q-man". His voice was strained and weak, and both Trowa and Heero had to strain to hear him.
Quatre smiled down at his braided friend, "Good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"
Duo grinned at him, "How do you think, Quatre?". If anyone else knew what it was like to have a shrap object imbedded into their abdomen, it was Quatre. He felt that kind of fuzzy feeling he got when on painkillers, yet it still hurt like all Hell. "How long have I been out...?"
"Four days" It was Trowa's voice. Four days..? Duo felt completely spent, still... probably all that healing he had to be doing... Duo blinked a couple of times so his vision wasn't so blurry, and kept the grin on his face as he said, "Hi Trowa!" But his clearer vision had noted another face. A face he was shocked to see, "Heero?!" He didn't think he'd bother to see him... well, maybe Heero felt he had to tell him how stupid he'd been. Even so, he kept his cheerful grin on. "Surprized.. to see you here." He had not ment to put that little pause in his sentence, but he was just so tired.
Quatre gave Trowa a glance that said maybe they should leave them alone for a bit. Trowa wasn't sure about trusting Heero alone with Duo. Duo was helpless and if Heero didn't get out if Duo asked him to, Duo couldn't do anything about it. It would be no challenge for Heero to overpower the hospitialized boy, and Trowa as still a little nervous about letting a man who admitted to giving Duo that nasty bruise alone with him when that was the situation was like that.. even if Heero claimed to love Duo... Anyway, Duo probably should be resting... Then Quatre tugged on his arm, and he let himself be led out. But he'd stay close by, and if he heard anything suspcious....
Duo was confused. Why were they leaving him with Heero..? Heero hated him... Then Heero said quietly, "I have my memories.. or at least, a good portion of them back, Duo.." Duo's eyes widened, and Heero met the glimmering amythests. For the first time since his coma, Heero did not glare at him with disgust.. in fact, his face wore the softest expression he'd ever seen it (not that anyone else would consider Heero's current expression soft at all)...and Heero had called him Duo... Heero had said he remembered! It was a lot to take in, along with everything else from his somewhat jumbled memories of when Wufei'd stabbed him. He couldn't think of a thing to say or do.
Heero took advantage of Duo's silence to continue. Those eyes.. they were so beautiful. Why had he been avoiding them so? The words suddenly sprang from his mouth as if they had wills of their own, "I love you."
Then Heero felt ashamed of himself, and looked down, away from the beautiful Shinigami who's love he could never hope to attain. He was supposed to have some control over himself. He hadn't wanted to tell Duo while he was -awake-. He didn't want Duo to know his weakness... He didn't want to have his unrealistic hope that Duo felt for him a fraction of what he felt for Duo crushed when Duo told him that he'd only saved him because he felt it was he duty. He didn't want to see the scorn in Duo's eyes, his disgust to think that a creature like Heero would feel such things about him.
He'd probably want... want someone like that bastard who'd stabbed him. Wufei didn't deserve Duo, yet he was infinitely more worthy of the divine avatar than Heero. At least Wufei thought about Duo's feelings... Now Duo'd probably not want him anywhere near him. Then he'd go back to his original pain that being without the loving, carefree soul had caused... was that what that nagging voice was warning him against, the one who pushed him away from Duo? He'd had the right idea before... if only Duo had let him die.. either time.
Duo was too much in shock to make a sound. He tried to say Heero's name, but all he managed was to move his mouth. Heero wasn't looking at him, he was staring at the floor. In that moment, when their eyes had met.. he felt... yet... it was too much! Duo's fuzzy mind, not working as well as it should because of exhaustion and painkillers, was suffering information overload. Wufei had said said he loved him, too.. Duo had been reminded when Heero'd used the exact same words as he. So, who was it that had made his heart leap into his throat, causing his speechlessness...?
Heero turned, and Duo knew he was going to bolt. That enabled him limited use of his voice once again, "Heero!" But Heero was heading for the door. Duo found strength he didn't have before. "Heero!" he said.. this time a volume considered normal for others, yet it was as loud as he could possibly make himself now.. just as Heero opened the door. Duo used his newfound enegry and without thinking, sat up, twisting his body in the bed, "Hee--!" he was cut off as pain suddenly clouded all his thoughts and he cried out at the intensity of it, falling limply against the bed again, moaning.
Trowa and Quatre saw the door swing open, Heero hurry away, and heard Duo desperately call out his name. Then the door closed just as they heard Duo start to say Heero again, and then the two of them heard him cry in pain. They looked at each other, and in that one glance, they agreed on a course of action. Trowa would go after Heero, Quatre would make sure Duo was alright.
Quate walked in to see Duo twisted around in a way he definately should not have been, groaning in pain, holding his arms loosely around himself. Rushing over, Quatre laid Duo back straight on the bed. Duo blinked heavily a couple of times while his breath came in ragged gasps, "Sorry.. I screwed up.." he mumbled, barely audible. Quatre saw a spot of blood coming through Duo's hospital gown, and made a small distressed nosie in the back of his throat. When Duo saw it, he added, "..bad.."
"I'm going to go get a doctor." Quatre said somewhat shakily... Duo had only just woken up! Duo's only response was "...nnn.." as he fought sleep off.. then failed, his eyes closing so he could rest. Quatre rushed out into the hall, panicked, to find a nurse, an orderly, anyone...
---
Trowa called out Heero's name for the 14th time, and finally he slowed and came to halt. "What are you doing?" Trowa demanded as he walked up to where Heero was. He didn't say it accusingly.. he didn't want Heero to take off again.
"I told him." Trowa was standing right behind Heero, but from his voice alone Trowa knew exactly what Heero had told Duo.
Trowa said gently,"..what did he tell you...?"
"I didn't give him a chance to reply."
"Then why did you run...?"
"I fucked up."
Trowa sighed inwardly, "Yeah, you did. He was calling to you, why didn't you answer..?" Trowa decided now was not the time to bring up that Duo'd likely hurt himself trying to get Heero to come back. Of course, Trowa did not know how bad it was, it could be nothing..
"... I don't know."
"You were afraid."
"... yes."
"What do you plan to do now?"
Heero finally turned to face him. Trowa had never in his life seen eyes so empty. Like Heero had fled his body, and gone into hiding, letting the rest of him walk around and act like he usually did like a programmed machine. "I plan to leave."
"Suicide?"
"...yes" How did Trowa know so well?
Then Trowa slapped him across the face. Not hard enough to leave a bruise, although it turned red and stung Heero, and he brought his head up to see the disgusted look on Trowa's face, "Do you know anything about Duo? Do you remember what he told up about his past, why he called himself Shinigami...?" Heero shook his head. "Let's just say alot of people around him, that he was close to, that he loved, died. Do you know how much your death would devistate him, even if he didn't love you?! And how about the rest of us? ... You claim to love him, but you're ready to take the fastest way out!" Trowa's words started to hit home, but then he truely stabbed Heero in the heart with his last sentences, "What do you think if you killed yourself now, after you told him what you felt? He'd blame himself, like all the other deaths he blames himself for. What do you think he'd do after that, Heero!?!"
Heero looked away. Trowa continued, softer now, "Heero, it's hard to understand someone else's feeling when you hardly know your way around your own... but Duo, right now, although he'd never admit it, is fragile. He's been through alot during his life, he's going through alot now. You've got to listen to him if you hope to learn to not to hurt him. People like us can unintentionally hurt people like Duo or Quatre because we don't give much thought to feelings, because we've never thought much of our own. It can work.. don't give up hope..." Trowa did not know what else to say. Talking was far from his specialty.
Heero was ashamed. He shouldn't have left Duo like that... He turned back for Duo's room, and Trowa walked silently with him.
Heero's heart nearly stopped when he stepped into the room, and found only an empty and tousled bed, a few crimson marks standing out against the white sheets. "Where is he?!" he growled, rage in his eyes covering up the terror.
Trowa blacked the doorway, to keep Heero from doing anything drastic. "I heard him cry out while he was calling to you.. Quatre stayed behind to make sure he was taken care of."
"That doesn't answer my question.." Heero hissed, although he was now cursing the day he was born (more than ever before). How many times would his actions bring harm to Duo? Why did he always hurt him? ..Maybe it was best if he disappeared again once Duo got better.. if he got better.
"Don't blame yourself." Trowa's words were hardly comforting to Heero.. He walked straight up to Trowa, obviously wanting to go out to find out what became of Duo immediately. "We'll stay here until Quatre comes back... there isn't anything else we can do, Heero."
Heero narrowed his eyes. He was tired of Trowa's meddling. He was sick of Trowa getting the way. He had yet to physically attack Trowa simply because he did not want the situation worse... but now his hands curled up into fists, and he was very tempted to do anything he could to get by the green-eyed wall. Somehow, he managed to control himself... but he did not know how much longer he could ... how much longer he would want to.
Half an hour later, Heero was pacing, yet he never let Trowa out of his vision. The predatory look Heero kept giving him made Trowa edgy, but he couldn't say he didn't understand why he was doing it. Guilt, rage, and fear built up in Heero as time passed... but all that registered on his face was the rage.
At last, Quatre came jogging up. Once Heero saw him behind Trowa, he demanded, "What the happened?!"
Quatre hesitated. He was not used to Heero being so... angry. "They don't know yet... they're going to put him under observation... At the least, the superfical work's been torn.. if that's it, then it's nothing. If his blood pressure starts to drop, though, they'll have to operate again."
"When will we know?" Heero said, just as Trowa moved out of the way, so Quatre could enter the room. 'At least I know he's still alive... no thanks to me..' he thought to himself.
"Within 48 hours... but we won't be allowed to see him. He won't be allowed visitors until he's stronger..." Quatre saw the fury in Heero's eyes deepen, and though he did not want to upset him further, he had to tell them both what else he found out.
"Also, I got a message.... After a meeting with Sally, Wufei got a pardon from the Preventers, and they stipped him of his rank.... He'll be released tomarrow afternoon."
~~~end
Chibi Hwoarang:Why are you making Trowa a hellavalot like Quatre should be...?
SnK:Because I'm all powerful.... *glares* Got a problem with that?!
*Chibi Hwoarang looks like he's going to say something nasty, but Kilik covers his mouth before he really pisses SnK off, resulting in her turning everyone into harmless pink bunnies.. when Hwoarang stops his muffled curses, Kilik lets go.*
SnK: *sighing, depressed*...I've got so much work to do...
Chibi Hwoarang: Who's fault is that...?
SnK:Shut up... I'll try to get the next part out quickly (providing I have reviewer encouragement) ... I'll try for Friday, at least, but I doubt I'll make it... Possibly Sunday at the latest, but since I'm destined to be dragged away from computers with internet access, so I make no promises.
So, what do you think? Anticlamatic? Needs lots of work? Think I should wave a little white flag in surrender and give up? Review, please, please, please.....! Or you'll be waiting awhile...
SnK:But you can't have it! Even if you sue me! I'll break it before it comes to that, so Wufei-kun will never be in your fil---
Kilik:*covers SnK's mouth* Shhh... it wouldn't be wise to insult the people reading you fic.
SnK:*mumbles something angerly, glares at Kilik with the "I'll-either-Chibify-you-or-turn-you-into-a-pink-bunny---no-,-a-pink-bunny-slipper-if-you-don't-let-go"*
Kilik:*hastily uncovers her mouth*
Chibi Hwoarang:This is humiliating, why do I have to be chibi again, but Kilik doesn't?!?
SnK:*glares*I take it you'd rather be a pink bunny...?
Chibi Hwoarang:*eyes go wide* N-no, no!! Chibiness is fine!
SnK:I thought so... Anyway, I'm very, very sorry for taking so long with this part (but, I think it's a bit longer than the rest...). There are a bunch of reasons why fate kept dragging me away from the computer before I had time to write this fic, but I doubt you care/will believe them. But trust me, if it had not been for my kind and wonderful reviews (Cherry doesn't count because she's being mean because I'm being mean... but she started it...)
ChibiHwoarang:'She started it'? you sound like you're two years old...
SnK:... _as I was saying_, if not for my reviewers you'd've been lucky to get this part by next Wednsday.... So, moving on....
Kilik:A friendly reminder, this fic contains shounen ai, cussing, and angst...
(oh yea, '...'=thinking)
Here Then Gone part 8
by Shinigami no Kamikaze
"You'd better pray to any and all the gods you believe in that that kid lives." the officer practically growled at him. "Do you know the kind of sentence you can get with a murder charge...? Do you know the kind of punishment comes with the loss of life during these times?"
'Pray that that kid lives... murder... loss of life'... all were like daggers in Wufei, though he wondered if it was even a fraction of the pain he'd cause Duo... The officers interrogating him knew nothing of what he was going through right now. He'd been praying to every god he knew the name of since he realized what he'd done.
"What condition is he in...?", murmered Wufei, almost so softly that no one heard him. It was so unlike him. Usually his words were clear, loud.. as he always had confidence in what he was saying. Now he was unsure of everything, especially everything about him. He was such a weakling, giving in to alcohol and rage. And now it was not going to kill him, as it should, it would destory the one he loved. Or maybe it was some twisted form of justice, that by trying to protect the one whom he loved, he'd turned into their executioner.
No! There was no justice in that. Duo should not have to pay for his own foolishness and shortcomings. Duo shouldn't have to pay for the mistakes of someone he felt nothing for, to whom he wasn't connected to.
"I don't think you deserve to know."
Wufei winced inwardly. He was right.. he was right.... "I did it, I admit to it. I attempted to kill Heero Yuy, I stabbed Duo, I did it." Wufei had a hard time to keep his voice from breaking on the last part. Mourning over it would not chanced the fact that he might have killed the most important person in his life. What was he talking about? Duo Maxwell was his life... he'd have no desire to continue even if Duo had died of natural causes... his work could no longer sustain him.. could never again be the only thing in his life.
---
Quatre answered the call immediately. He'd gotten a feeling earlier something was wrong... So he put the other person he'd been talking to about business on hold. Rashid was on the other line, and he said, "I've got a imporant call to forward to you, Master Quatre." At the blonde's nod, the face on the screen changed to that of a woman in a hospital.. or at least, that's what he guessed from the red cross in the background. It only made him more nervous.
"Hello, Quatre Winner speaking."
"Hello Mr. Winner. I'm afriad I have some bad news.." said the woman on the other end. Quatre's heart began to race, suspicions confirmed, or at least so it seemed. "It says here you were to be informed in case there was an emergency, and Duo Maxwell was seriously injured or sick.."
"Something's wrong with Duo...?" Quatre did not hide the worry in his voice from her. He was not used to covering up or shutting out his emotions. His voice wavered, and his eyes widened. What could have happened?
"Duo Maxwell was admitted to the Distict 9 L137556 hospital at 2:23pm with a severe puncture wound to the abdomen, and doctors are working on him now. Bloodloss, and the apperent exhaustion of his body are creating some complications. They are not sure if he will live."
Quatre was shocked.. knife wound? Who would assult Duo... he didn't do it to himself, did he? Exhaustion? He knew Duo looked a little worn down from all the stress, but he did not appear to be on his last legs. He should have been more watchful of his friend! He should not have been so tied up in his work as if he had been back at one of his manors.... Quatre collected himself, and nodded solemnly, "I'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you." The woman nodded herself, and ended the transmission.
Quatre told his first caller there was an emergency, and immediately was out the door. He knocked on Trowa's door, and nearly instantaneously the circus preformer opened the door. He saw Quatre's expression, and knew something was terribly wrong. Before he could ask , Quatre spoke to him faster than he was used to hear Quatre talking, "Duo's at the hospital in critical condition."
Trowa did not ask questions, there was time for that later. He quickly ran back into his room to retrieve his key so he could get back in, and continued running back out to the hall to met Quatre. Quatre had gone to stop between two doors, the door to Heero's room, and the door to Wufei's room.
"I don't think either of them is here... I'm not sure that Heero should see Duo. I don't know even if he'd want to, and I don't think it would be good for Duo", Trowa said flatly. He did not think Quatre or Wufei was enchanted with the way Heero had been treating Duo since he'd woken, he certainly wasn't.
Quatre hesitated.. but he did not have time to hesitate. "Let's go.. we can call from the hospital and leave a message... for Wufei." Trowa had a good point... he did not feel right about it, but Trowa definately had a point. Maybe he was just thinking about how Heero used to be. Together they left to find the quickest way to the hospital that was swiftly becoming their second home.
---
Heero frantically looked around for a sign of what had happened to Duo. 'Calm down, think about this reasonably. Where do they take injured people? To a hospital.'
Heero never saw the ambulance that had come to pick Duo up, but then again he had been going around in a stupor. But was Duo even still alive...? If Wufei had killed him, Heero would be sure that Wufei died a slow death. Followed by his own... it was what he deserved for what he had put Duo through. This time, he'd finish what he started... and no Duo would be there to save him.
That was right.. Duo saved him. Not once, but twice. He was saved from a death brought upon himself by the god of death himself. But it ment nothing. Duo was only protective of his comrades, even after all this time. Heero's actions clearly showed he was unworthy... Wufei should have killed him. Wufei was right to have tried. But, even though he believed that, he could never forgive Wufei if his actions led to Duo's death.
"Here, boy!" Heero turned his head to see the man who'd first stopped him from killing Wufei. "I'll take you to the hospital, if you want." Heero wondered why the man was being so nice... but, it seemed to be the fastest and easiest way there, so Heero ran over and opened up the passenger side door. He believed if there was trouble, he could handle it.
The man immediately got in, and drove the silent boy to the hospital. He did not make conversation.. by the boy's manner, he doubted he would have gotten an answer to anything he said, anyway. He pulled up at the front, and Heero simply opened the door, and sprinted for the doors. The man never expected any thanks, though, so with a sigh and a wish for them both to have good luck, he drove away.
---
Trowa stood outside Duo's door, while Quatre watched over him from inside. They both were clueless as to what had happened to him.. who would have stabbed him, or left that bruise across his cheek? A regular criminal with only a knife wouldn't have had a chance against Duo... that left two very disturbing options, since both Heero and Wufei were still no where to be found. He did not think Wufei would do it, he was seemed to be the most protective of Duo. Heero, the way he was now... he could not be sure.
Then he saw Heero coming quickly down the hallway, and Trowa moved straight in front of the door, to block Heero in case he thought he was going in. Trowa was somewhat glad he brought his gun along when he'd gone back to get his key. Heero stopped right in front of him, "Let me by." he said icily.
Trowa didn't move. "There is no reason for me to. No one you claim friendship with is beyond the door. For all I know, you were the one who did it."
Heero's eyes flared somewhat, and one of his fists clenched, yet his tone stayed the same, "Let me by... I can remember him now... Wufei stabbed him. Let me by."
Trowa's visible eye narowed somewhat, "That's very convenient. You could be right, but I can't take any chances with him in this condition. If you remember.. if you care.. you'll understand why."
Heero thought about for a moment. If placed in Trowa's poition, he'd probably do much the same thing, but that did not matter to him now. Duo was still alive, and since that could easily change, Heero needed to talk to him now... it didn't matter that he wasn't awake to listen, "I understand, but I need to see him. This could be my last chance."
"He's unconscious, what possibly could you need to do?"
"I need to tell him something."
Trowa shook his head, "No. Not until I find out what happened." Heero knew by his tone, that the only way to get by Trowa now was by disabling him, and while Heero was tempted, he couldn't risk it.
---
At last, both Quatre and Trowa were informed about the incident. Quatre felt Heero should be let in to see Duo, definatly, now. Trowa did not agree. Unfortunately, at least in Trowa's eyes, Heero was equal to them both when it came to where Duo placed them as his kin, since he had none of his own.
Heero walked into the ICU where they kept Duo. Heero stopped in the doorway when he at last saw him. Duo was so pale and still... He breathed on his own, yet... there was so little movement. Duo was usually so vibrant. Heero felt this was wrong, the very embodiment of wrong. The brusie he'd given Duo (...the only thing he'd given Duo...) stood out on his slacken face devoid of any sign of life.. the dark circles around his eyes made him look more like he could have been dead... Then he noticed Trowa in the room, standing between him and Duo yet again. Trowa still had some doubts.
"I want to talk to him alone." Heero glared at Trowa, but Trowa met his eyes with one of his own.
Trowa crossed his arms, "There's still something unexplained. The police said Wufei stabbed Duo. No one saw Wufei hit Duo. They said the brusie was already there. Heero, how was Duo bruised?"
Trowa's eyes narrowed once more as Heero broke of the stare to look at Duo. "Why do you think I would know?" Heero was so close to Duo now... he did not want Trowa to get in the way now.
"Not just anyone can hit Duo, not that hard. That bruise was made by a fist. They said Wufei's original target was you, that he seemed to be horrified that Duo got in the way. Why would he attack you, Heero? Even drunk, he would have had to have been provoked."
To Trowa's surprize, Heero's eyes fell away from Duo. His voice softened. "I hit Duo."
"Why?"
"He... he frightened me."
"How?" Heero was not easily frightened, but Trowa figured there had to be something.
"It's none of your business." Heero now glared at Trowa. It had been hard to admit that he had been scared... scared of Duo, who had only been doing his best to help him. It was weakness, and yet he had told Trowa. Now Trowa wanted more from him?
"Fine, but I'm not leaving." Trowa aside, so he was no longer directly in Heero's way at getting from Duo, and moved to the end of Duo's bed, and watching every move the Japanese boy made.
Narrowing his eyes, Heero thought about his options. He did not want to share his conclusions with anyone but Duo, yet he needed to tell Duo, who still was not out of harm's way...who still might die. He could not force Trowa out, just as Trowa could not force him out. Heero closed the door, then letting his full glare out on Trowa, "Tell no one what occurs here."
Trowa was a little confused, but replied with, "I promise you." Trowa's confusion turned to surprize as Heero knelt next to Duo, and placed a hand over the American's.
'His hand... so cold...' Heero thought about the times during the war when he'd gotten a chance to be close to Duo.. to touch.. to feel his warmth against his skin. Heero reached out, and as he gently brushed the bangs away from Duo's closed eyes. He could feel Trowa's eyes drilling holes into him, ready to come to Duo's defense if he did anything to hurt him. Heero was just relieved that Duo still had some warmth left in him, he had felt it when he'd touched Duo's silky hair. Heero then placed both his hands around one of Duo's, trying to bring back some of the warmth there. It was stupid, Heero thought, but he wanted to do it anyway. He said softly, while leaning over Duo, so he was speaking from just above Duo's head... soft enough that Trowa barely heard... "I love you."
Trowa could hardly believe it. He had been in shock when Heero had started to display... was it tenderness? .. to Duo. Trowa would still keep his word, he decided to himself, and keep quiet about this.
Heero stood up, and started to walk a couple of steps back, his hands sliding reluctantly from Duo's. He did not want to be caught in such a moment of weakness by anyone else. It was bad enough Trowa was here. But his feelings told him he had to, and he decided to listen to them.
They stood in silence for awhile. "Trowa, how much danger is he still in?"
"Duo's strong. He'll live." For once, Heero was not upset by the aversion to his question. He wanted so badly to believe Trowa.
---
Two days later, Duo's condition was changed from critical to stable and they moved him out of intensive care...two more days after that, Trowa, Quatre, and Heero were all present when Duo began to stir. Heero was immediately by his side, closest to his face, but Trowa gently tugged at his shirt, whipsering so only he could hear, "Last time he talked to you, you hit him. Is it wise for you to be the first person he sees..?" Although he did not want to, he gave up his position to Quatre, giving in to Trowa's logic, and stood next to the blonde boy.
Duo was first aware of pain, and then became aware that there were people around. He heard someone's hushed talking, he thought, and struggled to work his eyelids, to force them up.
Trowa was walking to his place at the foot of the hospital bed when Duo managed to open his eyes and blinked, trying to remember what had happened, where he was...how he'd been hurt... He saw Quatre's face leaning over him, and smiled, even as everything that'd landed him here came rushing back to him, "Hey Q-man". His voice was strained and weak, and both Trowa and Heero had to strain to hear him.
Quatre smiled down at his braided friend, "Good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"
Duo grinned at him, "How do you think, Quatre?". If anyone else knew what it was like to have a shrap object imbedded into their abdomen, it was Quatre. He felt that kind of fuzzy feeling he got when on painkillers, yet it still hurt like all Hell. "How long have I been out...?"
"Four days" It was Trowa's voice. Four days..? Duo felt completely spent, still... probably all that healing he had to be doing... Duo blinked a couple of times so his vision wasn't so blurry, and kept the grin on his face as he said, "Hi Trowa!" But his clearer vision had noted another face. A face he was shocked to see, "Heero?!" He didn't think he'd bother to see him... well, maybe Heero felt he had to tell him how stupid he'd been. Even so, he kept his cheerful grin on. "Surprized.. to see you here." He had not ment to put that little pause in his sentence, but he was just so tired.
Quatre gave Trowa a glance that said maybe they should leave them alone for a bit. Trowa wasn't sure about trusting Heero alone with Duo. Duo was helpless and if Heero didn't get out if Duo asked him to, Duo couldn't do anything about it. It would be no challenge for Heero to overpower the hospitialized boy, and Trowa as still a little nervous about letting a man who admitted to giving Duo that nasty bruise alone with him when that was the situation was like that.. even if Heero claimed to love Duo... Anyway, Duo probably should be resting... Then Quatre tugged on his arm, and he let himself be led out. But he'd stay close by, and if he heard anything suspcious....
Duo was confused. Why were they leaving him with Heero..? Heero hated him... Then Heero said quietly, "I have my memories.. or at least, a good portion of them back, Duo.." Duo's eyes widened, and Heero met the glimmering amythests. For the first time since his coma, Heero did not glare at him with disgust.. in fact, his face wore the softest expression he'd ever seen it (not that anyone else would consider Heero's current expression soft at all)...and Heero had called him Duo... Heero had said he remembered! It was a lot to take in, along with everything else from his somewhat jumbled memories of when Wufei'd stabbed him. He couldn't think of a thing to say or do.
Heero took advantage of Duo's silence to continue. Those eyes.. they were so beautiful. Why had he been avoiding them so? The words suddenly sprang from his mouth as if they had wills of their own, "I love you."
Then Heero felt ashamed of himself, and looked down, away from the beautiful Shinigami who's love he could never hope to attain. He was supposed to have some control over himself. He hadn't wanted to tell Duo while he was -awake-. He didn't want Duo to know his weakness... He didn't want to have his unrealistic hope that Duo felt for him a fraction of what he felt for Duo crushed when Duo told him that he'd only saved him because he felt it was he duty. He didn't want to see the scorn in Duo's eyes, his disgust to think that a creature like Heero would feel such things about him.
He'd probably want... want someone like that bastard who'd stabbed him. Wufei didn't deserve Duo, yet he was infinitely more worthy of the divine avatar than Heero. At least Wufei thought about Duo's feelings... Now Duo'd probably not want him anywhere near him. Then he'd go back to his original pain that being without the loving, carefree soul had caused... was that what that nagging voice was warning him against, the one who pushed him away from Duo? He'd had the right idea before... if only Duo had let him die.. either time.
Duo was too much in shock to make a sound. He tried to say Heero's name, but all he managed was to move his mouth. Heero wasn't looking at him, he was staring at the floor. In that moment, when their eyes had met.. he felt... yet... it was too much! Duo's fuzzy mind, not working as well as it should because of exhaustion and painkillers, was suffering information overload. Wufei had said said he loved him, too.. Duo had been reminded when Heero'd used the exact same words as he. So, who was it that had made his heart leap into his throat, causing his speechlessness...?
Heero turned, and Duo knew he was going to bolt. That enabled him limited use of his voice once again, "Heero!" But Heero was heading for the door. Duo found strength he didn't have before. "Heero!" he said.. this time a volume considered normal for others, yet it was as loud as he could possibly make himself now.. just as Heero opened the door. Duo used his newfound enegry and without thinking, sat up, twisting his body in the bed, "Hee--!" he was cut off as pain suddenly clouded all his thoughts and he cried out at the intensity of it, falling limply against the bed again, moaning.
Trowa and Quatre saw the door swing open, Heero hurry away, and heard Duo desperately call out his name. Then the door closed just as they heard Duo start to say Heero again, and then the two of them heard him cry in pain. They looked at each other, and in that one glance, they agreed on a course of action. Trowa would go after Heero, Quatre would make sure Duo was alright.
Quate walked in to see Duo twisted around in a way he definately should not have been, groaning in pain, holding his arms loosely around himself. Rushing over, Quatre laid Duo back straight on the bed. Duo blinked heavily a couple of times while his breath came in ragged gasps, "Sorry.. I screwed up.." he mumbled, barely audible. Quatre saw a spot of blood coming through Duo's hospital gown, and made a small distressed nosie in the back of his throat. When Duo saw it, he added, "..bad.."
"I'm going to go get a doctor." Quatre said somewhat shakily... Duo had only just woken up! Duo's only response was "...nnn.." as he fought sleep off.. then failed, his eyes closing so he could rest. Quatre rushed out into the hall, panicked, to find a nurse, an orderly, anyone...
---
Trowa called out Heero's name for the 14th time, and finally he slowed and came to halt. "What are you doing?" Trowa demanded as he walked up to where Heero was. He didn't say it accusingly.. he didn't want Heero to take off again.
"I told him." Trowa was standing right behind Heero, but from his voice alone Trowa knew exactly what Heero had told Duo.
Trowa said gently,"..what did he tell you...?"
"I didn't give him a chance to reply."
"Then why did you run...?"
"I fucked up."
Trowa sighed inwardly, "Yeah, you did. He was calling to you, why didn't you answer..?" Trowa decided now was not the time to bring up that Duo'd likely hurt himself trying to get Heero to come back. Of course, Trowa did not know how bad it was, it could be nothing..
"... I don't know."
"You were afraid."
"... yes."
"What do you plan to do now?"
Heero finally turned to face him. Trowa had never in his life seen eyes so empty. Like Heero had fled his body, and gone into hiding, letting the rest of him walk around and act like he usually did like a programmed machine. "I plan to leave."
"Suicide?"
"...yes" How did Trowa know so well?
Then Trowa slapped him across the face. Not hard enough to leave a bruise, although it turned red and stung Heero, and he brought his head up to see the disgusted look on Trowa's face, "Do you know anything about Duo? Do you remember what he told up about his past, why he called himself Shinigami...?" Heero shook his head. "Let's just say alot of people around him, that he was close to, that he loved, died. Do you know how much your death would devistate him, even if he didn't love you?! And how about the rest of us? ... You claim to love him, but you're ready to take the fastest way out!" Trowa's words started to hit home, but then he truely stabbed Heero in the heart with his last sentences, "What do you think if you killed yourself now, after you told him what you felt? He'd blame himself, like all the other deaths he blames himself for. What do you think he'd do after that, Heero!?!"
Heero looked away. Trowa continued, softer now, "Heero, it's hard to understand someone else's feeling when you hardly know your way around your own... but Duo, right now, although he'd never admit it, is fragile. He's been through alot during his life, he's going through alot now. You've got to listen to him if you hope to learn to not to hurt him. People like us can unintentionally hurt people like Duo or Quatre because we don't give much thought to feelings, because we've never thought much of our own. It can work.. don't give up hope..." Trowa did not know what else to say. Talking was far from his specialty.
Heero was ashamed. He shouldn't have left Duo like that... He turned back for Duo's room, and Trowa walked silently with him.
Heero's heart nearly stopped when he stepped into the room, and found only an empty and tousled bed, a few crimson marks standing out against the white sheets. "Where is he?!" he growled, rage in his eyes covering up the terror.
Trowa blacked the doorway, to keep Heero from doing anything drastic. "I heard him cry out while he was calling to you.. Quatre stayed behind to make sure he was taken care of."
"That doesn't answer my question.." Heero hissed, although he was now cursing the day he was born (more than ever before). How many times would his actions bring harm to Duo? Why did he always hurt him? ..Maybe it was best if he disappeared again once Duo got better.. if he got better.
"Don't blame yourself." Trowa's words were hardly comforting to Heero.. He walked straight up to Trowa, obviously wanting to go out to find out what became of Duo immediately. "We'll stay here until Quatre comes back... there isn't anything else we can do, Heero."
Heero narrowed his eyes. He was tired of Trowa's meddling. He was sick of Trowa getting the way. He had yet to physically attack Trowa simply because he did not want the situation worse... but now his hands curled up into fists, and he was very tempted to do anything he could to get by the green-eyed wall. Somehow, he managed to control himself... but he did not know how much longer he could ... how much longer he would want to.
Half an hour later, Heero was pacing, yet he never let Trowa out of his vision. The predatory look Heero kept giving him made Trowa edgy, but he couldn't say he didn't understand why he was doing it. Guilt, rage, and fear built up in Heero as time passed... but all that registered on his face was the rage.
At last, Quatre came jogging up. Once Heero saw him behind Trowa, he demanded, "What the happened?!"
Quatre hesitated. He was not used to Heero being so... angry. "They don't know yet... they're going to put him under observation... At the least, the superfical work's been torn.. if that's it, then it's nothing. If his blood pressure starts to drop, though, they'll have to operate again."
"When will we know?" Heero said, just as Trowa moved out of the way, so Quatre could enter the room. 'At least I know he's still alive... no thanks to me..' he thought to himself.
"Within 48 hours... but we won't be allowed to see him. He won't be allowed visitors until he's stronger..." Quatre saw the fury in Heero's eyes deepen, and though he did not want to upset him further, he had to tell them both what else he found out.
"Also, I got a message.... After a meeting with Sally, Wufei got a pardon from the Preventers, and they stipped him of his rank.... He'll be released tomarrow afternoon."
~~~end
Chibi Hwoarang:Why are you making Trowa a hellavalot like Quatre should be...?
SnK:Because I'm all powerful.... *glares* Got a problem with that?!
*Chibi Hwoarang looks like he's going to say something nasty, but Kilik covers his mouth before he really pisses SnK off, resulting in her turning everyone into harmless pink bunnies.. when Hwoarang stops his muffled curses, Kilik lets go.*
SnK: *sighing, depressed*...I've got so much work to do...
Chibi Hwoarang: Who's fault is that...?
SnK:Shut up... I'll try to get the next part out quickly (providing I have reviewer encouragement) ... I'll try for Friday, at least, but I doubt I'll make it... Possibly Sunday at the latest, but since I'm destined to be dragged away from computers with internet access, so I make no promises.
So, what do you think? Anticlamatic? Needs lots of work? Think I should wave a little white flag in surrender and give up? Review, please, please, please.....! Or you'll be waiting awhile...