Kilik:Shinigami no Kamikaze does not own Gundam Wing, or a good alibi
SnK:Damn, I'm really sorry about the lateness of this... but started to wirte a couple versions, and then paused two of them, and only worked on the third... all this during a time when my teachers realized they haven't done 1/2 of what they should have accomplished by now, so assinged it all during the week. Rolling blackouts and events I wasn't aware I was going to didn't help either... I wish I was makin' it all up, but sadly, I'm not.
Chibi Hwoarang:*opens mouth* We--
Zergling:KKKKkktttt!
Chibi Hwoarang:*shuts up*
SnK:I love Zerglings. *makes fresh, raw meat appear for it*
Zergling:*eyes glow faintly, does a strange immitation of a purr* kkkrrrrrrrr..
Chibi Hwoarang: You never feed me!
SnK:You don't deserve it.
Kilik:What about me...?
SnK:*shrugs* Why not? *snaps fingers and pocky appears in Kilik's hands*
Chibi Hwoarang:Damn it!
SnK:Never be back to normal size unless you quit complaining...
Kilik:*mouth full of pocky* Friendly... 'minder... dish.. fic *gulps* contains shounen ai, cussing, and angst.
Here Then Gone part 10
The Finale
by Shinigami no Kamikaze
Wufei had gotten an extention of his time relieved from his work at the Preventers.. although, he was unsure what he'd be doing when he got back. Sally was angry. Noin was angry. Everyone was angry, and mostly at him... none of them understood. None of them even knew about what Heero had done to Duo.
The passage of time was agonizingly slow. Seconds each lasted a millenia, minutes and hours their own eternities. He was not allowed to see Duo, talk to Duo. He could not even send a note to him.
This waiting was killing him slowly... not knowing was killing him slowly. He still did not even know if he'd ever had a chance, if Duo even liked other men. And, how much did Duo hate him now...?
No... no, Duo wasn't like that. Duo would understand it was all a horrible, horrible mistake, right? Wasn't that one of the many qualities he loved about Duo? ...or, would he be angry... possibly disgusted..? What he did to Duo was certainly unforgivable...
Looking down at his precious picture frame with the sacred image of the Shinigami, he sighed. He had no right to keep it now, no matter what Duo said when he was released. He stood up from his uncomfortable hotel room bed, and picture in hand, he headed toward Duo's room.
He slid the spare key that Duo had entrusted to him in what seemed like the distant past thru the lockng mechanism on the door. Opening the door, he was shocked to see Heero Yuy already there, staring blankly from Duo's bed, a pillow in his hands.
Both Heero and Wufei had been carefully avoiding each other. Wufei was too proud to discuss the whole situation to Yuy. Heero was too uncomfortable and unsure about his feelings and weaknesses to explain things to Wufei. Each was still angry with the other, but time had allowed their feelings to cool a little bit...
Wufei was not in a mood to fight. Depression had depleted his energy, and he knew it would upset Duo. Heero didn't seem to notice him, did not even glance in his direction, which was strange. Wufei said softly, but without anger or accusation, "Yuy."
Heero blinked, and looked over at the Chinese boy. "What are you doing here?" Heero used his monotone voice, so it was impossible for Wufei to tell if he was upset at the intrusion or not.
"I could ask you the same."
Heero looked over at him blankly, "Planning on staying in the doorway?"
Taking the hint and accepting the change of subject for the moment, Wufei stepped inside, closing the door behind him. As he walked in, he was careful to keep the picture out of Heero's line of sight. He did not really wish to share the picture with anyone but Duo.
Wufei pulled up a chair from a table, and sat down, placing the picture frame face down on his lap. After a few moments of silence, he asked, "What -are- you doing here?"
Heero glanced at Wufei, then back to the front of the room."I asked first."
Wufei wondered for a moment how much he should say about his reasons. Giving the picture back was simply an excuse to himself so he could spend some time here, where some of Duo's personal things were still scattered around... "Fair enough. I came here to return something."
"I didn't think you were the type to break in, no matter what the reason."
Although Heero had not said it aggressively, the accusation agitated Wufei and he spat back almost instantly, "I am not! Duo gave me the spare key... I did not force my way in, unlike you."
Heero looked back at Wufei, "I did not mean to upset you. It was just an observation. I did not have all the facts..."
Wufei glared at him for a few moments before he calmed down enough for his voice to become neutral again. Then he repeated his question, "What are you doing here?"
Heero looked down at the pillow and after a short period of time began to speak, "I can't get him off my mind. I ...", he trailed off, not wanting to admit any of his fears to Wufei, who at the least, was his competition, and at the worst, his enemy. Of course, Duo had no reason to care for either of them... least of all him, who seemed to abandon Duo every chance he got. First he left at the end of the war without so much as an extra word to Duo, then at the end of the Mariemaia incident, and then his amnesia...
He was here because it was easy to pretend that Duo could come bouncing in at any moment. He'd made sure none of the maids touched the place. Even the pillow he now held smelled faintly like Duo. It was his last taste of Duo before Duo kicked him out of his life... "I wanted to be here."
Was that a slight tremor Wufei had heard in Heero's voice? Was he serious when he claimed to love Duo...? Did he have even half of Wufei's feelings for the braided boy...?
If that was ture, then there was still something strange.."Why did you hit Duo? Don't tell me that he startled you... you can pull a punch faster than that, Heero."
There was a long silence. This wasn't exactly a person he trusted, not anymore. Showing weakness was extremely hard for Heero, showing weakness to an enemy went against his every instinct. But, would it be better if he could make Wufei understand?
Finally, Wufei began to speak, "You know I love him, right? ... well, I cannot believe what you have done are the actions of a man in love. I want Duo to be happy and safe... the last part is the part I am most unsure of when it comes to you. Trying to kill you was wrong, drinking until my mind was too fogged to realize that was wrong, but... I will not let anyone hurt Duo. If you hurt him again, I will take action... although, this experience has taught me I shall not take such a rash and foolhardy action. But I will not allow it to continue, or allow it to go unpunished."
Heero saw the sincerity in Wufei's eyes. He had admitted he had been mistaken to try to kill him... that was as close to an apology he'd ever get from Wufei, Heero knew, but he never expected Wufei to say even that much. Maybe he was wrong about Wufei... he was still angry, but not as much.
There was another long silence. Just as Wufei got up to leave, deciding to give the picture frame to Duo directly or wait until Heero left the room, Heero started to speak, never lifting his eyes from his pillow. "He scared me..." Heero spoke without much feeling, but so softly Wufei almost did not hear it. Slowly, he returned to his seat, intent on listening.
"... I didn't understand what it was for a long time. When Duo was gone, it hurt. Nothing like any pain I have ever known. Not like the pain that came with self destruction... not the pain of illness... something else."
Wufei knew that pain all too well, and he was quiet a moment, "...then maybe you can be what Duo derserves.... Just know, I do not forgive you, I do not forgive myself... not now, possibly with time." Getting up once more, Wufei silently walked to the door, "But it does not matter. I can leave it behind if you... and Duo.. can do the same". With that, he left, trusting Heero alone with Duo's possessions.
This was a problem. If Heero really loved Duo... could he take it if Duo's feelings were for Heero?
---
Duo had been spending his few clear headed waking hours wondering just what the hell he was going to do. He did not yet know his own feelings, but they would expect an answer.. wouldn't they?
Or did he love them.... at least, in that way? He had strong feelings for each, that was for certain.. but, he had not given too much thought to a romantic relationship with either. Mostly likey because he hadn't been ready to commit to anything. He was too busy exploring and experiencing the world, what it was like when it was peaceful. It wasn't like he'd been able to do much of that during the war, ne?
Now... with both of their confessions weighing him down.. damn it, he didn't know!
He was ready, though. He had had enough of being single. He was ready to try trusting his heart to someone else... regardless of the times he'd been hurt during his childhood. He wasn't going to let that keep him from anything anymore, and he was sure that those who had died would not have wanted him to, either.
By this time, Duo had gotten stronger. In fact, the very next day the hospital would release him. They brought him a phone so he could arrange to have someone pick him up, if he liked. Since he still wasn't 100% better, he thought it might be best not to test himself out by walking to the hotel on his own.
After being put on hold awhile, Quatre's face appeaered on the small screen on the vidphone. It immediately lifted. "Duo!"
Duo grinned, "Hey, Quatre! 'Sup?" He was still a little worried that Heero and Wufei might have tried to rip eachother apart again.
"Everything's fine.. I haven't seen you in ages! How are you? Are you alright? Do you need anything?"
Duo couldn't help but laugh a little. Quatre was entirely too concerned and worried about everything. It was just the way he was. "I'm fine... alright enough that they're lettin' me outta this place at last! How's about picking me up at one tomarrow, hmm..? Ole buddy, ole pal...?"
Now Quatre laughed. Now he knew Duo was alright.. there was even that happy little spark in his eyes. "Of course!"
Then Quatre was surprized at the sudden serious-ish (Duo rarely was 100% solemn) look on his face. He was a little worred. "Mind keepin' it a secret from Wufei 'n' Heero...? Don't think I'm quite ready to seem them yet... and I wanna talk to you, if you can find the time."
Quatre nodded, "I can always find time for you, Duo."
Duo smiled, and waved, "Then see ya at one! Thanks, Q-man, you're the best!"
Quatre smiled softly in return, "Sure, Duo. I'll see you then." Then he cut off the connection. He was not exactly sure of the situation between those three... he was unsure if he should be relieved now that Duo was better, or more worried that the source of tention between Wufei and Heero was coming back... It was not Duo's fault that he caused conflict between the two... but...
Well... only time would tell.
---
Once Quatre and Duo got into the car, Duo had become unusually silent. Actually, he'd been quiet since they'd agreed the second they got back to Quatre's room, they'd talk. Duo didn't want to wait because he couldn't avoid Wufei and Heero for long once they figured out he wasn't hospitalized any more.
Quatre was driving, since he did like to do some things for himself. He also wasn't going to drag some poor soul all the way to an L1 colony just to drive him places! The silence seemed so out of place, considering Duo was right there, and Quatre become more worried than he was before.
He let the silence reign until they successfully got into Quatre's room without running into Wufei or Heero. The moment the door closed, Duo began pacing, but quickly stopped since it was tiring and aggrivated his sore abdomen. Quatre sat down, and patiently waited for Duo to either calm down, or start talking.
Duo fell heavily into a chair, "Quatre, I've got a huge problem... but promise me ya won't share anything I tell ya, kay?"
Quatre nodded solemnly. "Of course.. if you don't want me to."
Duo smiled slightly, "Thanks Quatre." Then smile then faded from his face.
Quatre knew about Heero's suicide attempt, the amnesia, Heero hitting Duo, and that Wufei had stabbed Duo. That was basically all he did know, though, and Duo filled him in on some details before touching the subject of his problem.
"Heero and Wufei are the two most important people in my life. Heero I thought of as my best friend all throughout the war, even if he didn't seem to feel the same... and after Wufei lived with me on L2, he started to become my closest friend and confidant..."
"When Wufei saw that bruise, he just lost it. That's why he went drinking, and that's why he tried to kill Heero... when I got in the way... that look of absolute horror on his face... it hurt just as bad as that knife. Then he told me he loved me... then he kissed me.. and that's about the time Heero jumped him...."
"Then, that time I was trying to call Heero back... that was because he told me he loved me, too... then he tried to skip out on me... guess my being shocked speechless didn't do much for his confidence." Duo felt bad about just staring at Heero like that. It must have been difficult to say to him... if only his mind wasn't so fogged up.. if only he could've thought a little faster!
"The next time I woke up, they were outside my room, ready to kill each other after I went through all that just to stop them from killing each other!" Even though Duo was trying to cover up how much that upset him, Quatre could see right through it.
To Duo, it wasn't the physical wounds that his friends had given him that made this situation unbareable. He'd already forgiven them for those. He knew Wufei didn't mean it, that he was drunk, and appearently struggling to deal with powerful emotions. Heero he'd freaked somehow, and Heero hadn't even trusted him at the time, so his reaction was only to be expected...
The fighting, though... it was tearing him up emotionally. He hated it. He didn't want his friends hurt... and least of all by other friends. The worst part of it was it was because of him! He wasn't sure if he could take another person close to him dying like that. He didn't want to have to go through that Hell again.
"... I... Quatre, I'm sure I love one of them in the way they want me to love them... I want to have a relationship... but I don't know with whom, and what the hell happens to the other one?" Duo was shaking.. he wasn't sure if it was the stress of it all, or just because he'd already overextended himself today... probably a combination of both.
'This is bad,' Quatre thought simply to himself. He wasn't sure himself how he'd proceed. Although he knew that Wufei and Heero could not help their emotions, this put Duo in a horrible position. They did not have to be so aggresive about it... Quatre became very worried when he saw Duo start to tremble. "Duo...." Quatre said softly. He, at least, had to try to make sure Duo didn't work himself up anymore.
Standing up, Quatre walked over to Duo, and put an arm around him, trying to comfort him a little, "Duo.... the first thing you have to do is get your feelings straightened out. You should probably talk to each of them alone for awhile before you decide...."
"Sounds like an interview."
"...It is, in a way... but you have to figure out what you want. Don't let them pressure you.... as for whomever is left over..." Quatre sighed. There was no easy way to do this, "You owe it to them to let them know where you stand... it is true they'll probably be hurt... but it would be unfair for the both of you to be in a relationship that doesn't go both ways, and in the end it woud hurt you both more."
Rubbing one of his temples, Duo let out a soft breath. Whatever happened, it wasn't going to be pretty... but what Quatre said did seem to make sense. "Thanks, Quatre... I owe you one." At least he had some direction and plan of action now...
Still worried, since Duo hadn't stopped shaking, Quatre made the quiet suggestion that Duo lay down for awhile and get some rest. Reluctantly agreeing, Duo let the blonde lead him to the bed, and after pulling his boots off, he laid down. Without meaning to, he quickly fell asleep.
Quatre thought it was probably for the best..... anyway, there was an extra bed in the room... and Heero and Wufei would not exactly be looking for Duo here.
---
Soft rays of what passed for sunlight in the colony seeped through the thin curtains covering the large glass windows on one side of the room. Quatre had pulled back the heavier curtains since he liked the colony's lighting, even if it was synthetic. Duo groaned softly from where he was, relucant to awaken to reality and the decisions he was going to have to make.
Blinking, he realized it wasn't his room. He sat up, and rubbed his eyes. Then he blinked to clear his vision a couple more times, and saw Quatre smiling softly from a table covered in papers, looking like he'd just paused in doing whatever paperwork was right there in front of him. "Good morning."
Duo mumbled a response, but it was too slurred with grogginess for Quatre to tell exactly what it was. Then he said, "Sorry 'bout passin' out like that."
"It's okay, Duo. I don't mind... Do you want some breakfast?"
"Yeah, but I'll get it myself. Don't wanna be bugging you forever, Quatre... and anyway, I need to head back to my room so I can take a shower, 'n' all." Duo kicked his feet out from under the covers, and got up, looking for his shoes. He was well aware his hair must look like a disaster area, and his clothes would be all rumpled. Glancing at the clock, Duo muttered, "Man... I can't believe I slept that long."
"You've been under alot of physical and emotional stress, Duo. It's hardly surprizing." Quatre glanced back down at the paper in front of him, going over the figures. "And you're not bothering me. I'd be glad to share breakfast with you, since I haven't eaten yet myself. If you'd care to drop by before 8:30, then my offer still stands."
Duo pulled on his boots, after carefully kneeling down to pick them up, as to not agrrivate his still sore abdomen more than he had to. "Thanks for everything, Quatre. Just might take you up on that." Quatre looked up and smiled... partially because of the interesting way pieces of Duo's hair were arranged. Duo waved, and with that left the room, and headed for his door.
To his surprize, the door was slightly ajar, being held only a crack open by a doorstop. Well, that solved the problem of his not having a key... but why was it open?
Silently opening the door, Duo crept into the room, and just a quietly shut the door all the way closed. Walking to the dresser so he could get himself a fresh set of clothing, he was surprized to see a a body tangled up in sheets on his bed. And not just any body, an extremly attractive body. One that Duo realized belonged to Heero.
Well, as long as it wasn't some deranged psychopath....err... it wasn't some deranged psychopath he didn't know, he was still going to shower and get dressed.
Pulling open a drawer, he took out whatever was there. Since 80% of all his clothing was black, and everything went with black, usually he didn't have to spend that much time thinking about coordinating shits and pants.
Then he got into the bathroom, dumped the clothing on the tiled floor. After shutting the door, he stood their thinking a moment about whether he should lock it or not. He trusted Heero, but... Heero tended to have a different idea of what was proper and decent compared with the rest of society... and then again, if Heero wanted in, a little hotel doorlock wasn't going to stop him. Deciding not to bother, he went about the task of brushing his teeth.
---
The sound of running water woke Heero up. Sitting straight up in the bed immediately, Heero wondered who it could be... was it Duo?
He'd left the door open for him. He'd seen Duo's key on the dresser, and Wufei'd told him about having the spare, so he'd realized Duo was keyless. He also figured anyone who came in that he didn't want to come in he could easily take care of. Looking over at the door, he saw it was closed.
The water sound was definately the shower. The only other person that would come into this room quietly enough not to have woken him was Wufei, but he would not shower in Duo's room. At least, Heero high doubted that he would.
Duo in the shower. Ashamed somewhat to admit, Heero had thought of that image before. A number of times before. It was tempting, to say the least... especially considering in all possibitly when Duo came out, he'd tell Heero to get the hell out of his life. It might be nice to make one of his dreams about Duo true before then. But he wouldn't dare... he didn't want Duo any more upset than he was, especially considering all he'd already done to him.
Running a hand through his hair, Heero got up from the bed. Would Duo be angry that he'd spent a few nights in here? Maybe it was best that he go now. Heero intended to do just that when his legs wouldn't move, refusing the commands his brain gave to them. He was stuck in place, not wanting to leave. He had to see Duo. He had needed to see Duo these past weeks, this was his chance. He would not run away again.
The shower turned off, and a little while after that a hair dryer went on. Some time after that, it went off as well and then there was another wait... finally, the door swung open to reveal Duo, looking much healthier than before, but still a little paler and thinner than normal.
Once his eyes rested upon Heero for a moment, Duo treated Heero to a large grin. Heero was surprized, though he figured he shouldn't be. That was the way Duo was... but could it mean he wasn't as angry as Heero'd originally thought?
"Hey Heero! Mind if I ask ya what you were doin' here?" Duo's voice wasn't accusing, just purely curious.
Heero thought a moment before choosing his words, "I ... missed you."
"I missed ya, too, Heero..... you have no idea how boring that hospital was... " Duo trailed off while glancing off the his right with a far away look in his eyes. Heero worried some, then Duo glanced right back at him, and walked staight up to Heero, not stopping until their faces were only a couple inches away. Heero was a little uncertain of what Duo was doing, so didn't move... after a moment, he met Duo's eyes straight on and started to lose himself in the violet depths.
Duo marveled at the change in Heero's eyes since last he saw them. Once again he could peer behind the tranquil and controlled surface to the tumultuous sea of emotion Heero might have been unware he possesed. If he did, he did a damn good job hiding it...
Heero was freed from his trance when Duo looked away, and fell lazily onto his bed (biting down on a wince as he hit it, completely having forgot about his still hurting body..) and stared at the ceiling, "So, what happened while I was gone, Heero?" Duo wasn't exactly sure how to go about talking to Heero about emotions... so he just talked to buy him some time to come up with something.
Walking up beside the bed, he looked at Duo, all sprawled out. A part of him wanted so badly to be on that bed as well... "Nothing of much importance... except for Wufei and I have come ... somewhat... an understanding."
Heero saw the surprize in Duo eyes, "What is it?"
"...Duo... I am ... I didn't.. When I hit--"
"Oh, that? It doesn't matter, I know you were under pressure, and I shouldn't have done that.... not like it's gonna become regular practice, ne? ... 'Cause if it does, I won't heistate in kickin' your ass.... The only thing I've still been upset about is the fighting between you and Wufei... so, have you guys got it cleared up?" Heero heard the hopeful note in Duo's voice.
"I think if you can let it go, we all can."
Duo gazed up at Heero standing up above, and sighing happily, smiled. "That's good." Then Duo's face looked somwhat uncertain, and he chewed on his lip a little. Once again Heero found his eyes locked with Duo, "Heero... I need to know... about what you said at the hospitial..."
Heero had been secretly hoping that somehow Duo had forgotten about that. It surprized him... although he was nevous, unlike with the others he had tried to explain to he did not feel the need to look away from Duo's intent gaze. "I ment it. I least, I think I do. My training..." Heero decided now was not the time to elaborate on what Duo already knew, " I haven't felt anything like this in so long....
"It started during the war. I felt empty when you weren't around.... I was.. unsure. I left after the war to get away, hoping to get back to normal. Then it just began to hurt..."
Duo's expression was unreadable. He simply asked, "Why didn't you tell me anything about this sooner..?"
"I was afraid and uncertain. I didn't want to... ruin... things with you with unnatural emotion." Heero was surprized with how quickly he admitted that to Duo. He did not want to show weakness, but he couldn't hide anything from Duo... he trusted Duo completely.
"It isn't unnatural!!" Duo looked a little angry, and when he saw the unsure look in Heero's eyes, his expression softened, "It's completely human, and you. are. human. No matter what occured during your training... you're still human. You might not be as used to it as some of the rest of us, but that doesn't make you any less of a person."
"Then why do emotions hurt so much if they're natural?"
Duo looked hurt himself, he said quietly, "Did it only hurt?"
"No!" The strength behind Heero's answer eased Duo somewhat. "When I was with you... I ... It was.. like nothing else. I felt at ease, safe..." Heero almost whispered, "..happy."
Duo was quiet a few moments. "Well, Heero, good comes with the bad. Can't have one without the other, unfortunately..." Duo knew well about the ups and downs of emotions, and the danger involved in loving someone. Much to Heero's relief, Duo didn't seem to be angry with -him- for his feelings. It lifted a huge weight form his shoulders he didn't know was there... but there was still doubt and fear in him... he didn't know what would happen now. Did Duo love him?
"Just one more question, for now, Heero..." Duo held up a hand, "Help me up..?"
Duo was planning on purposely pulling too hard on Heero so one of two things would happen: Heero would be dragged down onto the bed with him, or he'd be propelled straight into Heero. Duo wanted to know how Heero would react, and hopefully what it felt like to be in Heero's arms. When Heero grasped his offered hand, he pulled with all he had (which was less then he usually had..) just as Heero started to pull, too. Heero didn't fall down, and Duo hadn't really expected him to, so he crashed right into Heero, groaning softly as is injury did the same (he kept forgetting about that).
Heero was a little startled, and he put his other arm around Duo to steady him, as Duo placed an arm around him to do thing (at least, that's what Heero thought). Having Duo so close... Heero did not want it to end. Feeling him right there, the heat from his body, the soft feel of the braid that brushed agaist his arm... his mind told him this was right. Twinges of pleasure ran through him, and Heero suddenly found himself hoping that it wouldn't result in a physical reaction of his body while Duo was still standing right there... if Duo wasn't upset now, he might not be that understanding if he felt -that-.
Duo's hand around slipped away, and with some reluctancy, Heero's did as well, "Are you okay, Duo?" He hadn't missed Duo's groan.
"I'm fine. Sorry 'bout that, Heero." Duo stepped back a little, disappointing Heero by widening the gap between them.
With an abnormal expression of seriousness, Duo spoke. "Heero, I'm glad you told me everything you did... I have things to tell you... be to tell you the truth, I'm not exactly sure what they are right now... so it'll have to wait." The expression then melted away as Duo smiled a little, "Right now I have to go tell Wu-man I'm back." Duo hoped that Heero didn't take it the wrong way... but he needed to know.
Heero watched helplessly as Duo left the room, remembering his key this time. Insecurites started to try to take root in Heero, and he let them.... what happened if Duo didn't love him? What happened if he loved Wufei...?
---
Wufei heard the knocking on his door. Rising up slowly from the bed, he dragged himself to the door. He'd been in a deep depression. Everything in his life seemed to be going wrong. Once he saw it was Duo outside his door, his heart practically leaped out of his chest.
"Hey Wufei!" Duo grinned that idiotic grin Wufei loved so much. Wufei was surprized... Duo did not seem to be upset with him. He just stood there in shock for a few moment before Duo said, "...mind if I come in?"
Numbly Wufei nodded, and Duo practically bounced in.
"Duo... I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am, and I don't expect you--"
"Stabbing thing? I forgive you." Duo said it so lightly... as if it wasn't a earthshattering occurance, like it was.
"but, I--"
"It's over with, Wufei. I'm fine, Heero's fine, you're fine... I don't see the point in draggin' it around like a ball and chain, do you?"
Wufei was quiet a few moments. While he did not know if he could forgive himself as easily as Duo could, it was certain that he did, in fact, forgive him. That was enough for Wufei to let it go.. for now, at least. "I guess you're right."
Duo leaned against the wall. "So, Wufei... I heard you and Heero got an agreement?"
"Yes. He knows what to expect from me now. I understand why he did what he did. If you can forgive, then so can I."
Duo smiled at him. Wufei treasured that smile. "That's good... what I came here to talk to you about, though, is what you said that day..."
Wufei looked away knowing immediately what Duo was refering to, "You remember?"
"Yep. Care to tell me about it?"
Wufei had always known this day would come. Although he never would have imagined it would occur because of these circumstances.. Well, at least he no longer could work himself so much over it that he would go brain-dead when he saw Duo. Looking away, Wufei said softly, "There was something missing from my life, Duo. The Preventers could not fill my life the way I thought it could."
"Then you came, and I... everything came together. I moved in with you to see if you were ... available. You didn't seem to be responding to my subtle clues... I was too afraid to ask you directly, because I thought you'd refuse me and want me out of your life..."
Duo looked sympathetic, "I'd never do that..."
"I know... but... still .. I was afraid."
Duo sighed. Was he really that hard to approach? Both Heero and Wufei... both hardened soldiers... Maybe that was the problem. None of them really had time to see couples around them, and how they reacted. So much of their lives had revolved around missions, destruction, fighting... they all simply didn't know what to do with these feelings, so they had to try and figure it out for themselves.
Wufei finally found courage to look up into Duo's eyes. They locked and stood like that for a long time.
Wufei began to speak again, "When I saw that bruise.. when I knew that Yuy hurt you... when you brushed it off like nothing... I became so angry. It appaled me that someone would do that to you. It made me angry that there was not going to be a consequence for Yuy."
"You didn't think I could handle it?"
"I... no, I didn't. I wasn't thinking."
Duo looked so sad, so mournful. Wufei got a feeling of dread. Duo suddenly stepped forward a couple of steps and wrapped his arms around him. Wufei did not like the way he could feel tremors underneth the surface of Duo's skin as he held him, "What's wrong?", Wufei whispered. Duo just held onto him for a few moments. But he already knew.
"I... I... I'm sorry Wufei. But.. I just can't... I mean, I don't..." Duo took a deep breath and tried again, "I love you, but not in the way you want!"
To say it did not hurt would be a lie... it was like his heart was slipping into a black hole... slipping was not the word... ripped straight from his chest was what it felt like. As if it did not hurt enough... the fact that it upset Duo so much as well hurt, too. Wufei couldn't find it in him to blame Duo... he couldn't. Which, if he thought about it, he didn't have a right to do anyway.
"It's okay, Duo... I knew this was a possibility... you can't change the way you feel, nor should you try." He tried to comfort Duo even as he began spiralling downwards...
They stood that way, Wufei absorbing the shock.. trying to piece himself together, clinging to Duo, afraid this might be his only chance to hold him like this.. even if he knew there would never be anything more. Duo debated if it would be a good thing if he told Wufei about whom he loved right now... would it just be another knife in the back if he told him here, or would it hurt him more to find out later?
Finally, Duo began to pull away from Wufei. Wufei's arms went limp as they slipped away from Duo and swung lifelessly by his sides. "Want me to move out...? of the apartment, I mean.."
"Not if you don't want to. If you don't want to live with me anymore, I can understand. I can get a new place, no problem."
"That isn't fair, Duo... I'm the one who moved in with you. But, if you don't mind living with me, either, then I don't see a reason for me to leave..."
Duo sighed heavily, "Then I just may give you one.... Wufei, I don't mean to hurt you, but I think it's better if you hear from me instead of somone else... I'm in love with Heero."
Wufei was speechless. What had he done wrong..? Not only to have lost Duo to another man... but to another pilot?
Duo was able to guess partially at his thoughts, although he knew he could not understand completely what he was going through. "It's not your fault Wufei.. it's nothing you did... it's jus--"
"The way you feel. You cannot change it no more than I can change myself loving you." Wufei was quiet. Duo could see the pain in his eyes... maybe he was wrong.. maybe he shouldn't've told.
"I'm so sorry Wufei, I didn't want to hurt you bu--"
"It's okay Duo. I'm glad you told me...." Well., Wufei wasn't exactly sure if he was glad. What was the saying... ignorance is bliss? But it would not have remained a secret forvever... and he would have felt betrayed if someone other than Duo had told him.
"...Do you want me to go?"
"I.... yes... for now, I need some time to think."
Duo nodded and left the room. He made his way into his, and saw with disappointment that Heero had already left. He dragged his way over to his bed and lay down carefully this time so he didn't hurt himself again.
He knew it when he had looked into Wufei's eyes... when he talked to Wufei. It simply wasn't the same... He'd also taken Wufei into his arms to be sure, and he did not feel 'it'. He should have suspected this... all during the time they lived together, he'd never really thought of them together. He simply was not attracted to Wufei. Although Wufei looked attractive, that was where it ended (for Duo). He thought of him simply as a friend.
Duo couldn't quite describe it. He could not explain, even to himself, why it was so. Wufei took everything so hard. Even when he forgave Wufei, Duo could see him trying to fight it in his eyes. He knew by that look that Wufei did not forgive himself.
Also, Wufei had known he was in love for awhile, and he did not tell Duo. He said he knew Duo wouldn't throw him out or hate him for feeling this way.... but he did not seem to believe it. Heero at least had the excuse of not knowing exactly what it was he feeling... Wufei had looked away from him while he sopke about his feelings, Heero had looked in his eyes...
He just thought Heero would be the better choice for him. He hated to hurt Wufei like that... he did care for him deeply... but there wasn't any way out of hurting one of them, was there!?
Duo began to start second guessing his own emotions. He hated this whole situation! Did he do the right thing...?
Duo felt like shit, and knowing he probably felt better then Wufei did right now made him feel worse. He wished there was something he could do for him!
Funny, he'd been so hungry when he'd woken up... now the thought of food made him a little nauseous.
---
Once he was gone, Wufei started to break apart. The pain was incredible, twisting and pulling at him relentlessly. Duo walking out the door so upset drove reality home. Tears started to run down his face, and angrily he brushed them away.
Telling himself now that it wasn't his fault or Duo's fault, that it was justn't ment to be, did no good now. It didn't seem to work without Duo in the room. It was easier to blame him when he wasn't there with those beautiful eyes looking so hurt... It was easier to blame himself when Duo wasn't there to reassure him it wasn't so.
He didn't dare let out the scream welling up inside him. Duo's room was next to his, and hotel walls weren't known for their quality.
He sat down on the bed, crying silently. His tear blurred vision caught the glimmer of silver. Picking up the picture frame he'd ment to give back to Duo... seeing his Shinigami... he did not know if he wanted to break the picture or hold it close to him as he usually did. Deciding he would regret breaking it, he simply put it in the nightstand drawer and slammed it shut. Then he curled up into the fetal position on the bed... Why was he being so weak?
'Fuck strength, fuck justice... fuck everything.'
---
Heero was a little worried. He hadn't seen or heard from Duo in over 12 hours. He'd gone down to the lobby to get something to eat only half an hour ago from one of the restuarants, and he'd run into Trowa, who hadn't seen him either. He knew Duo was very capable of taking care of himself, but he thought something was wrong for Duo to be missing for so long.
Heero knocked on the door to Duo's room. There wasn't a response.. Could it be possible for him to still be over at Wufei's room? ... why so long, then? Or maybe he just didn't feel like answering his door? It did appear that he'd been trying to avoid everyone... did he just need some time alone? He did have a lot to think about. Even so, Heero could not shake Duo needed to talk to someone, even if he did not think it himself. "Duo?"
Heero's voice pentrated through Duo's thoughts. Blinking, he suddenly became aware of the outside world again. The only time he'd gotten up from his position on the bed was to relieve himself, and he had done that mechanically and dazed...
Duo was glad to hear Heero's voice, yet he did not know if he was ready to see Heero... He should be happy when he told Heero, but it was impossible to simply snap out of this depression he had let himself slip into. He didn't know what was going to happen, he did not Wufei to walk out on his life... but he was afraid that might happen. He was afraid Wufei might hate him now for choosing Heero. The more he thought about this whole situation, the farther he let himself fall... he hated this God damned choice!
Heero waited outside for a few moments. There was no answer, no sign or sound that gave a hint that Duo was even in there... With a mental sigh, he turned from the door to look else where.
---
Wufei stayed up half the night wrestling with his feelings. He tried to think things through reasonably, but emotions did not know reason. Slowly, his emotions hurt him less... hours passed, and he knew that this was the best thing, no matter how much he hated it.
It was best to know now, then to be lead on by false pretenses. Duo had never gave any hints he thought of Wufei like that... he had always known this could happen. He did love Duo, and he did not like the thought of him living in misery pretending to love someone he did not.
Then he realized that he didn't want to lose Duo entirely... and that he didn't have to. It might hurt , but he still wanted to be around Duo, to be near Duo. It would hurt more to be without Duo entirely... didn't he fall in love with him because he felt complete around him? Hopefully time would help heal his wound, but before that happened, he had to make sure he still had a friendship with Duo...
By now it was three in the morning (more specificically, 3:07). He did not want to wake Duo, but he knew he couldn't sleep until he spoke with him. Deciding on something to do between now and then, he grabbed his coat and left the room.
---
A knock on his door woke Duo up. It was 10:00am exactly, and he still did not feel like getting up and interacting with anyone or anything. Uncertain thoughts and feelings threatened to decend upon him again, and he pushed himself into a sitting up position with a groan. He couldn't go on like this...
"Duo?" Wufei's voice. Wait a minute--Wufei? Wufei wanted to talk to him? His mind checked the voice for anger, hate, agression... and found it to be clean. Of course, for worry and a touch of sorrow, it was positive. Duo couldn't ignore Wufei after what had just happened, so he rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a thud. He bit his lip as pain shot through his abdomen... he really shouldn't've done that....
"Duo?!"
"Wait--" Duo cleared his throat, his voice having been far to quiet or scratchy for anyone to understand. "Wait a second!"
Duo stood up, but felt lightheaded. It wasn't surprizing, considering he had gotten little sleep and hadn't eaten in over 24 hours. He made his way to the door and opened it.
He felt a twinge of guilt when he saw Wufei's red eyes and his face... it appeared as if he'd been crying. He had dark circles around his eyes, and he looked worn down. At first his expression was unreadable, but now he looked somewhat surprized.
Wufei was surprized, and not pleasantly. Duo looked exhausted, and he also had dark circles around his eyes. By way he stood it appeared like he was using the door for support. His clothes were rumpled and were the same as he'd been wearing yesterday. Light that normally danced in his eyes was dim and still, and his whole face betrayed his melancholy.
"Duo, what's wrong?"
Duo looked away and spoke quietly, "I really didn't want to hurt you Wufei.. and I was afraid that you'd be mad at me... that you'd leave and I wouldn't see you again."
It was a side of Duo Wufei had not seen before. He'd seen him sad, lonely, worried, guilty... but he'd never been so subdued. He never seen Duo this ... this depressed, and all because he might go... Duo was like this, "Because of me?" Wufei said under his breath, to himself.
Appearently Duo heard. Wufei saw him smile weakly, "It's not like I feel nothing for ya." Duo moved out of the doorway slowly, "Wanna come in?"
Wufei walked into the room, and Duo closed the door, walking past Wufei and sat carefully down on a table, and Wufei chose a chair next to him. "I'm not going to leave unless you want me to, Duo. You're too important to me... I came to give you this..." Wufei pulled out from a backpack he'd been holding a silver picture frame. It was simple, having no design around the outside of it, but what it held...
Wufei had to get someone email him half his photo collection so he could get a picture, and then he'd had a hard time finding anything where he was actually looking into the camera (he'd cursed his aversion of pictures a countless number of times during the night). It was a picture from sometime during the war, but it was the only one where Wufei was looking in the direction on the camera nearly laughing. It was the one that closest resembled the one he had of Duo.
The picture had been taken on the Peacemillion. Duo had been trying to get him to smile for the camera all week whenever both had some free time (Duo could be adamant about the strangest things). Wufei had only agreed to let Duo take pictures of him when Duo promised for every picture taken he wouldn't bug Wufei for a solid hour (and back then, Wufei valued it). So, the longer Wufei didn't smile, the more pictures Duo would attempt to take, and the more time Wufei earned unpestered. He'd been quite determined and had reason not to smile (anyway, it was undignified). Duo had tried everything... he'd tried telling jokes while behind the camera, he had Quatre hold the camera while he make faces... Wufei was beginning to wonder when the American would just give up.
Somehow, Duo had managed to convince Heero to take the picture. Duo just sat there, and didn't seem to be planning on doing anything. Then a second before the picture was taken, Duo gave Heero bunny ears. And that was all it took.
For one reason or another, the fact the Duo was giving the perfect soldier bunny ears stuck Wufei as funny for that critical moment as the flash went off. Heero had known something had to have happened for Wufei to grin like that, but when he'd turned around to see what Duo had done, Duo was dancing around, celebrating because he'd finally gotten his precious picture.
Angry that Duo had 'won', Wufei snatched the camera from Heero and took off down the corridor. Duo chased after him, screaming that if he did not give the picture back, all the hours of silence from Duo he'd earned would be void. Never pausing, Wufei made it to his room, locked the door, and put the disc with the photo into a secrect compartment in a carved wooden box he owned, then threw the box into his desk. He heard Duo pounding on the door, and so he opened it just enough to toss the camera at him, then shut it. Then Duo pounded on the door even harder, yelling about how he had gotten that picture fair and square. After an hour, Duo finally got sick of trying to beat the door down or had other things he had to do... which was most likey the case. He left with the words, "I may not have the evidence, but I got you Wufei, and you damn well know it!"
Wufei had ment to destroy the disc, but somehow it survived and made it into his photo collection. He'd nearly forgotten it existed until he rediscovered it last night. This would be the first time Duo got to see his work.
Duo's face lit up, mostly due to the news that Wufei would not be taking off forever. But he also remembered when Heero'd taken this picture. He was sure Wufei had tossed it out the nearest airlock (he'd looked out the windows half expecting to see the disc float by at any moment). He looked up at Wufei in shock, wondering why.
"Remember that picture frame you got me with the two dragons?" Wufei pulled it out just in case, showing it to Duo for the first time since he'd recieved it. "I thought you should have a picture of me happy, too... originally I was going to give this back to you... but I've grown attached.." Wufei looked away, "Sorry 'bout how plain the frame is, but it was the only thing the drugstore had..."
Duo smiled, "Wufei, I wouldn't care if it was made out of cardboard and glue! You're not never talking to me again!" Then his expression grew serious, "Are you going to live with me still? Want me to move out?"
"No, no.. not at all... but why would you want to live with me?"
"It's my home, too."
"But you and Yuy.."
"Sheeh... Wufei, just because I think I love him... just because I'm attracted to him... does not mean I'm going to move in with him tomarrow. We haven't been on a single date yet! Besides, I haven't even told him yet..."
"What?!" Wufei looked at Duo in shock. "Why not..? Why are you still here, why don't you go talk to him?"
Now Duo looked confused, "Why are you trying to push me off on some other man?"
Wufei sighed, and looked Duo straight in the eyes, "Because I love you Duo, and I want to see you happy." Then Wufei glanced away, not wanting Duo to see any jealousy in his eyes, "And if you're happy with Heero..." He looked back up at Duo, "You're going to march into that room of his and tell him."
Duo started to get a little nervous, even though he did not think he had any reason to worry... there were still butterflies in his stomach. "Well, I'd have to get cleaned up first..." Wufei got up to leave, to encourage Duo to do just that.
"Wait a minute, Wufei! Why don't you stick around, and order us some breakfast from room service... 'less you already had some... 'cause I'm starving, and could use the company!"
Duo walked over to the dresser to get some fresh clothing, and he grinned when he saw Wufei pick up the hotel services booklet to look up the number.
---
Heero answered the knock at his door immediately, and found the object of his search... and his desire... standing there looking as cheerful as Duo normaly seemed to be. "Hey Heero!" Heero stepped aside, and Duo walked right in.
Heero noticed that while Duo seemed happy enough, he looked slightly haggard. "Duo?"
"What?"
"Are you okay?"
"Never been better, Hee-chan! Got somethin' ta tell ya!" Duo suddenly threw his arms around Heero and squeezed tightly. Heero was confused, but placed his arms around Duo as well. Duo nestled his head against Heero's chest, and that's when Heero realized.
"Hee-chan?" he questioned.
Heero saw the bright violets look up into his eyes, curiousity and anxeity made plain within the shining avatars of Duo's soul, "Do you mind?"
Heero felt his lips start to twitch upwards.
"No... I think I like it."
~~~end
SnK:It's over!!!
ChibiHwoarang:'Bout time.... *does sweet innocent Chibi eyes* now that it's over and you feel all nice, can I be normal again?
SnK:ehh... sure *turns him back* truely sorry about the wait everyone *waves at 2 people still reading the story* But it is (I think) the longest part, and I did write rough copies of 2 other endings while I was doing loads of work from my hellhoun--I mean teachers. Sorry if the ending's disappointing as a whole, or disappointing because Wufei did not get Duo..
Wufei:What is wrong with you, onna?!
SnK:This version just read better... anyway, it was my original intention for this to be 1x2....
Wufei:Baka! I don't care! And why am I the only one who cries during the whole series... -twice-?!?
SnK:Because.. though I loathe the word... you're cute when you cry.
Wufei:Nani!?!
SnK:It's true! Wanna see proof? *fishes through harddrive for a screenshot*
Wufei:NO!
Hwoarang:*sees the piccy and laughs at 'Fei*
Wufei*growls* Kisama...
Hwoarang:*wants to pick a fight now that he's unchibi and can fight* Wanna make somethin' of it, crybaby?
Wufei:*runs at Hwoarang*
SnK:*sighs as she watches the two martial artists fight eachother* Well, everyone, thanks for reading. I'd really appreciate a review... really really really appreciate a review. That way I know if I should write anymore GW fics 'n' all (can you believe that Duo-tries-to-get-a-pic-of-Wufei-smiling was an early fic I never posted of mine? icky.).... and since the series is finally over, I can start some of the projects I've thought of during the course of this... *grins evily*
Wufei+Hwoarang:*pause midfight* Oh shit... *look back at eachother, then snarl and start fighing again*
SnK:*sighs* Just ignore them, please review.
SnK:Damn, I'm really sorry about the lateness of this... but started to wirte a couple versions, and then paused two of them, and only worked on the third... all this during a time when my teachers realized they haven't done 1/2 of what they should have accomplished by now, so assinged it all during the week. Rolling blackouts and events I wasn't aware I was going to didn't help either... I wish I was makin' it all up, but sadly, I'm not.
Chibi Hwoarang:*opens mouth* We--
Zergling:KKKKkktttt!
Chibi Hwoarang:*shuts up*
SnK:I love Zerglings. *makes fresh, raw meat appear for it*
Zergling:*eyes glow faintly, does a strange immitation of a purr* kkkrrrrrrrr..
Chibi Hwoarang: You never feed me!
SnK:You don't deserve it.
Kilik:What about me...?
SnK:*shrugs* Why not? *snaps fingers and pocky appears in Kilik's hands*
Chibi Hwoarang:Damn it!
SnK:Never be back to normal size unless you quit complaining...
Kilik:*mouth full of pocky* Friendly... 'minder... dish.. fic *gulps* contains shounen ai, cussing, and angst.
Here Then Gone part 10
The Finale
by Shinigami no Kamikaze
Wufei had gotten an extention of his time relieved from his work at the Preventers.. although, he was unsure what he'd be doing when he got back. Sally was angry. Noin was angry. Everyone was angry, and mostly at him... none of them understood. None of them even knew about what Heero had done to Duo.
The passage of time was agonizingly slow. Seconds each lasted a millenia, minutes and hours their own eternities. He was not allowed to see Duo, talk to Duo. He could not even send a note to him.
This waiting was killing him slowly... not knowing was killing him slowly. He still did not even know if he'd ever had a chance, if Duo even liked other men. And, how much did Duo hate him now...?
No... no, Duo wasn't like that. Duo would understand it was all a horrible, horrible mistake, right? Wasn't that one of the many qualities he loved about Duo? ...or, would he be angry... possibly disgusted..? What he did to Duo was certainly unforgivable...
Looking down at his precious picture frame with the sacred image of the Shinigami, he sighed. He had no right to keep it now, no matter what Duo said when he was released. He stood up from his uncomfortable hotel room bed, and picture in hand, he headed toward Duo's room.
He slid the spare key that Duo had entrusted to him in what seemed like the distant past thru the lockng mechanism on the door. Opening the door, he was shocked to see Heero Yuy already there, staring blankly from Duo's bed, a pillow in his hands.
Both Heero and Wufei had been carefully avoiding each other. Wufei was too proud to discuss the whole situation to Yuy. Heero was too uncomfortable and unsure about his feelings and weaknesses to explain things to Wufei. Each was still angry with the other, but time had allowed their feelings to cool a little bit...
Wufei was not in a mood to fight. Depression had depleted his energy, and he knew it would upset Duo. Heero didn't seem to notice him, did not even glance in his direction, which was strange. Wufei said softly, but without anger or accusation, "Yuy."
Heero blinked, and looked over at the Chinese boy. "What are you doing here?" Heero used his monotone voice, so it was impossible for Wufei to tell if he was upset at the intrusion or not.
"I could ask you the same."
Heero looked over at him blankly, "Planning on staying in the doorway?"
Taking the hint and accepting the change of subject for the moment, Wufei stepped inside, closing the door behind him. As he walked in, he was careful to keep the picture out of Heero's line of sight. He did not really wish to share the picture with anyone but Duo.
Wufei pulled up a chair from a table, and sat down, placing the picture frame face down on his lap. After a few moments of silence, he asked, "What -are- you doing here?"
Heero glanced at Wufei, then back to the front of the room."I asked first."
Wufei wondered for a moment how much he should say about his reasons. Giving the picture back was simply an excuse to himself so he could spend some time here, where some of Duo's personal things were still scattered around... "Fair enough. I came here to return something."
"I didn't think you were the type to break in, no matter what the reason."
Although Heero had not said it aggressively, the accusation agitated Wufei and he spat back almost instantly, "I am not! Duo gave me the spare key... I did not force my way in, unlike you."
Heero looked back at Wufei, "I did not mean to upset you. It was just an observation. I did not have all the facts..."
Wufei glared at him for a few moments before he calmed down enough for his voice to become neutral again. Then he repeated his question, "What are you doing here?"
Heero looked down at the pillow and after a short period of time began to speak, "I can't get him off my mind. I ...", he trailed off, not wanting to admit any of his fears to Wufei, who at the least, was his competition, and at the worst, his enemy. Of course, Duo had no reason to care for either of them... least of all him, who seemed to abandon Duo every chance he got. First he left at the end of the war without so much as an extra word to Duo, then at the end of the Mariemaia incident, and then his amnesia...
He was here because it was easy to pretend that Duo could come bouncing in at any moment. He'd made sure none of the maids touched the place. Even the pillow he now held smelled faintly like Duo. It was his last taste of Duo before Duo kicked him out of his life... "I wanted to be here."
Was that a slight tremor Wufei had heard in Heero's voice? Was he serious when he claimed to love Duo...? Did he have even half of Wufei's feelings for the braided boy...?
If that was ture, then there was still something strange.."Why did you hit Duo? Don't tell me that he startled you... you can pull a punch faster than that, Heero."
There was a long silence. This wasn't exactly a person he trusted, not anymore. Showing weakness was extremely hard for Heero, showing weakness to an enemy went against his every instinct. But, would it be better if he could make Wufei understand?
Finally, Wufei began to speak, "You know I love him, right? ... well, I cannot believe what you have done are the actions of a man in love. I want Duo to be happy and safe... the last part is the part I am most unsure of when it comes to you. Trying to kill you was wrong, drinking until my mind was too fogged to realize that was wrong, but... I will not let anyone hurt Duo. If you hurt him again, I will take action... although, this experience has taught me I shall not take such a rash and foolhardy action. But I will not allow it to continue, or allow it to go unpunished."
Heero saw the sincerity in Wufei's eyes. He had admitted he had been mistaken to try to kill him... that was as close to an apology he'd ever get from Wufei, Heero knew, but he never expected Wufei to say even that much. Maybe he was wrong about Wufei... he was still angry, but not as much.
There was another long silence. Just as Wufei got up to leave, deciding to give the picture frame to Duo directly or wait until Heero left the room, Heero started to speak, never lifting his eyes from his pillow. "He scared me..." Heero spoke without much feeling, but so softly Wufei almost did not hear it. Slowly, he returned to his seat, intent on listening.
"... I didn't understand what it was for a long time. When Duo was gone, it hurt. Nothing like any pain I have ever known. Not like the pain that came with self destruction... not the pain of illness... something else."
Wufei knew that pain all too well, and he was quiet a moment, "...then maybe you can be what Duo derserves.... Just know, I do not forgive you, I do not forgive myself... not now, possibly with time." Getting up once more, Wufei silently walked to the door, "But it does not matter. I can leave it behind if you... and Duo.. can do the same". With that, he left, trusting Heero alone with Duo's possessions.
This was a problem. If Heero really loved Duo... could he take it if Duo's feelings were for Heero?
---
Duo had been spending his few clear headed waking hours wondering just what the hell he was going to do. He did not yet know his own feelings, but they would expect an answer.. wouldn't they?
Or did he love them.... at least, in that way? He had strong feelings for each, that was for certain.. but, he had not given too much thought to a romantic relationship with either. Mostly likey because he hadn't been ready to commit to anything. He was too busy exploring and experiencing the world, what it was like when it was peaceful. It wasn't like he'd been able to do much of that during the war, ne?
Now... with both of their confessions weighing him down.. damn it, he didn't know!
He was ready, though. He had had enough of being single. He was ready to try trusting his heart to someone else... regardless of the times he'd been hurt during his childhood. He wasn't going to let that keep him from anything anymore, and he was sure that those who had died would not have wanted him to, either.
By this time, Duo had gotten stronger. In fact, the very next day the hospital would release him. They brought him a phone so he could arrange to have someone pick him up, if he liked. Since he still wasn't 100% better, he thought it might be best not to test himself out by walking to the hotel on his own.
After being put on hold awhile, Quatre's face appeaered on the small screen on the vidphone. It immediately lifted. "Duo!"
Duo grinned, "Hey, Quatre! 'Sup?" He was still a little worried that Heero and Wufei might have tried to rip eachother apart again.
"Everything's fine.. I haven't seen you in ages! How are you? Are you alright? Do you need anything?"
Duo couldn't help but laugh a little. Quatre was entirely too concerned and worried about everything. It was just the way he was. "I'm fine... alright enough that they're lettin' me outta this place at last! How's about picking me up at one tomarrow, hmm..? Ole buddy, ole pal...?"
Now Quatre laughed. Now he knew Duo was alright.. there was even that happy little spark in his eyes. "Of course!"
Then Quatre was surprized at the sudden serious-ish (Duo rarely was 100% solemn) look on his face. He was a little worred. "Mind keepin' it a secret from Wufei 'n' Heero...? Don't think I'm quite ready to seem them yet... and I wanna talk to you, if you can find the time."
Quatre nodded, "I can always find time for you, Duo."
Duo smiled, and waved, "Then see ya at one! Thanks, Q-man, you're the best!"
Quatre smiled softly in return, "Sure, Duo. I'll see you then." Then he cut off the connection. He was not exactly sure of the situation between those three... he was unsure if he should be relieved now that Duo was better, or more worried that the source of tention between Wufei and Heero was coming back... It was not Duo's fault that he caused conflict between the two... but...
Well... only time would tell.
---
Once Quatre and Duo got into the car, Duo had become unusually silent. Actually, he'd been quiet since they'd agreed the second they got back to Quatre's room, they'd talk. Duo didn't want to wait because he couldn't avoid Wufei and Heero for long once they figured out he wasn't hospitalized any more.
Quatre was driving, since he did like to do some things for himself. He also wasn't going to drag some poor soul all the way to an L1 colony just to drive him places! The silence seemed so out of place, considering Duo was right there, and Quatre become more worried than he was before.
He let the silence reign until they successfully got into Quatre's room without running into Wufei or Heero. The moment the door closed, Duo began pacing, but quickly stopped since it was tiring and aggrivated his sore abdomen. Quatre sat down, and patiently waited for Duo to either calm down, or start talking.
Duo fell heavily into a chair, "Quatre, I've got a huge problem... but promise me ya won't share anything I tell ya, kay?"
Quatre nodded solemnly. "Of course.. if you don't want me to."
Duo smiled slightly, "Thanks Quatre." Then smile then faded from his face.
Quatre knew about Heero's suicide attempt, the amnesia, Heero hitting Duo, and that Wufei had stabbed Duo. That was basically all he did know, though, and Duo filled him in on some details before touching the subject of his problem.
"Heero and Wufei are the two most important people in my life. Heero I thought of as my best friend all throughout the war, even if he didn't seem to feel the same... and after Wufei lived with me on L2, he started to become my closest friend and confidant..."
"When Wufei saw that bruise, he just lost it. That's why he went drinking, and that's why he tried to kill Heero... when I got in the way... that look of absolute horror on his face... it hurt just as bad as that knife. Then he told me he loved me... then he kissed me.. and that's about the time Heero jumped him...."
"Then, that time I was trying to call Heero back... that was because he told me he loved me, too... then he tried to skip out on me... guess my being shocked speechless didn't do much for his confidence." Duo felt bad about just staring at Heero like that. It must have been difficult to say to him... if only his mind wasn't so fogged up.. if only he could've thought a little faster!
"The next time I woke up, they were outside my room, ready to kill each other after I went through all that just to stop them from killing each other!" Even though Duo was trying to cover up how much that upset him, Quatre could see right through it.
To Duo, it wasn't the physical wounds that his friends had given him that made this situation unbareable. He'd already forgiven them for those. He knew Wufei didn't mean it, that he was drunk, and appearently struggling to deal with powerful emotions. Heero he'd freaked somehow, and Heero hadn't even trusted him at the time, so his reaction was only to be expected...
The fighting, though... it was tearing him up emotionally. He hated it. He didn't want his friends hurt... and least of all by other friends. The worst part of it was it was because of him! He wasn't sure if he could take another person close to him dying like that. He didn't want to have to go through that Hell again.
"... I... Quatre, I'm sure I love one of them in the way they want me to love them... I want to have a relationship... but I don't know with whom, and what the hell happens to the other one?" Duo was shaking.. he wasn't sure if it was the stress of it all, or just because he'd already overextended himself today... probably a combination of both.
'This is bad,' Quatre thought simply to himself. He wasn't sure himself how he'd proceed. Although he knew that Wufei and Heero could not help their emotions, this put Duo in a horrible position. They did not have to be so aggresive about it... Quatre became very worried when he saw Duo start to tremble. "Duo...." Quatre said softly. He, at least, had to try to make sure Duo didn't work himself up anymore.
Standing up, Quatre walked over to Duo, and put an arm around him, trying to comfort him a little, "Duo.... the first thing you have to do is get your feelings straightened out. You should probably talk to each of them alone for awhile before you decide...."
"Sounds like an interview."
"...It is, in a way... but you have to figure out what you want. Don't let them pressure you.... as for whomever is left over..." Quatre sighed. There was no easy way to do this, "You owe it to them to let them know where you stand... it is true they'll probably be hurt... but it would be unfair for the both of you to be in a relationship that doesn't go both ways, and in the end it woud hurt you both more."
Rubbing one of his temples, Duo let out a soft breath. Whatever happened, it wasn't going to be pretty... but what Quatre said did seem to make sense. "Thanks, Quatre... I owe you one." At least he had some direction and plan of action now...
Still worried, since Duo hadn't stopped shaking, Quatre made the quiet suggestion that Duo lay down for awhile and get some rest. Reluctantly agreeing, Duo let the blonde lead him to the bed, and after pulling his boots off, he laid down. Without meaning to, he quickly fell asleep.
Quatre thought it was probably for the best..... anyway, there was an extra bed in the room... and Heero and Wufei would not exactly be looking for Duo here.
---
Soft rays of what passed for sunlight in the colony seeped through the thin curtains covering the large glass windows on one side of the room. Quatre had pulled back the heavier curtains since he liked the colony's lighting, even if it was synthetic. Duo groaned softly from where he was, relucant to awaken to reality and the decisions he was going to have to make.
Blinking, he realized it wasn't his room. He sat up, and rubbed his eyes. Then he blinked to clear his vision a couple more times, and saw Quatre smiling softly from a table covered in papers, looking like he'd just paused in doing whatever paperwork was right there in front of him. "Good morning."
Duo mumbled a response, but it was too slurred with grogginess for Quatre to tell exactly what it was. Then he said, "Sorry 'bout passin' out like that."
"It's okay, Duo. I don't mind... Do you want some breakfast?"
"Yeah, but I'll get it myself. Don't wanna be bugging you forever, Quatre... and anyway, I need to head back to my room so I can take a shower, 'n' all." Duo kicked his feet out from under the covers, and got up, looking for his shoes. He was well aware his hair must look like a disaster area, and his clothes would be all rumpled. Glancing at the clock, Duo muttered, "Man... I can't believe I slept that long."
"You've been under alot of physical and emotional stress, Duo. It's hardly surprizing." Quatre glanced back down at the paper in front of him, going over the figures. "And you're not bothering me. I'd be glad to share breakfast with you, since I haven't eaten yet myself. If you'd care to drop by before 8:30, then my offer still stands."
Duo pulled on his boots, after carefully kneeling down to pick them up, as to not agrrivate his still sore abdomen more than he had to. "Thanks for everything, Quatre. Just might take you up on that." Quatre looked up and smiled... partially because of the interesting way pieces of Duo's hair were arranged. Duo waved, and with that left the room, and headed for his door.
To his surprize, the door was slightly ajar, being held only a crack open by a doorstop. Well, that solved the problem of his not having a key... but why was it open?
Silently opening the door, Duo crept into the room, and just a quietly shut the door all the way closed. Walking to the dresser so he could get himself a fresh set of clothing, he was surprized to see a a body tangled up in sheets on his bed. And not just any body, an extremly attractive body. One that Duo realized belonged to Heero.
Well, as long as it wasn't some deranged psychopath....err... it wasn't some deranged psychopath he didn't know, he was still going to shower and get dressed.
Pulling open a drawer, he took out whatever was there. Since 80% of all his clothing was black, and everything went with black, usually he didn't have to spend that much time thinking about coordinating shits and pants.
Then he got into the bathroom, dumped the clothing on the tiled floor. After shutting the door, he stood their thinking a moment about whether he should lock it or not. He trusted Heero, but... Heero tended to have a different idea of what was proper and decent compared with the rest of society... and then again, if Heero wanted in, a little hotel doorlock wasn't going to stop him. Deciding not to bother, he went about the task of brushing his teeth.
---
The sound of running water woke Heero up. Sitting straight up in the bed immediately, Heero wondered who it could be... was it Duo?
He'd left the door open for him. He'd seen Duo's key on the dresser, and Wufei'd told him about having the spare, so he'd realized Duo was keyless. He also figured anyone who came in that he didn't want to come in he could easily take care of. Looking over at the door, he saw it was closed.
The water sound was definately the shower. The only other person that would come into this room quietly enough not to have woken him was Wufei, but he would not shower in Duo's room. At least, Heero high doubted that he would.
Duo in the shower. Ashamed somewhat to admit, Heero had thought of that image before. A number of times before. It was tempting, to say the least... especially considering in all possibitly when Duo came out, he'd tell Heero to get the hell out of his life. It might be nice to make one of his dreams about Duo true before then. But he wouldn't dare... he didn't want Duo any more upset than he was, especially considering all he'd already done to him.
Running a hand through his hair, Heero got up from the bed. Would Duo be angry that he'd spent a few nights in here? Maybe it was best that he go now. Heero intended to do just that when his legs wouldn't move, refusing the commands his brain gave to them. He was stuck in place, not wanting to leave. He had to see Duo. He had needed to see Duo these past weeks, this was his chance. He would not run away again.
The shower turned off, and a little while after that a hair dryer went on. Some time after that, it went off as well and then there was another wait... finally, the door swung open to reveal Duo, looking much healthier than before, but still a little paler and thinner than normal.
Once his eyes rested upon Heero for a moment, Duo treated Heero to a large grin. Heero was surprized, though he figured he shouldn't be. That was the way Duo was... but could it mean he wasn't as angry as Heero'd originally thought?
"Hey Heero! Mind if I ask ya what you were doin' here?" Duo's voice wasn't accusing, just purely curious.
Heero thought a moment before choosing his words, "I ... missed you."
"I missed ya, too, Heero..... you have no idea how boring that hospital was... " Duo trailed off while glancing off the his right with a far away look in his eyes. Heero worried some, then Duo glanced right back at him, and walked staight up to Heero, not stopping until their faces were only a couple inches away. Heero was a little uncertain of what Duo was doing, so didn't move... after a moment, he met Duo's eyes straight on and started to lose himself in the violet depths.
Duo marveled at the change in Heero's eyes since last he saw them. Once again he could peer behind the tranquil and controlled surface to the tumultuous sea of emotion Heero might have been unware he possesed. If he did, he did a damn good job hiding it...
Heero was freed from his trance when Duo looked away, and fell lazily onto his bed (biting down on a wince as he hit it, completely having forgot about his still hurting body..) and stared at the ceiling, "So, what happened while I was gone, Heero?" Duo wasn't exactly sure how to go about talking to Heero about emotions... so he just talked to buy him some time to come up with something.
Walking up beside the bed, he looked at Duo, all sprawled out. A part of him wanted so badly to be on that bed as well... "Nothing of much importance... except for Wufei and I have come ... somewhat... an understanding."
Heero saw the surprize in Duo eyes, "What is it?"
"...Duo... I am ... I didn't.. When I hit--"
"Oh, that? It doesn't matter, I know you were under pressure, and I shouldn't have done that.... not like it's gonna become regular practice, ne? ... 'Cause if it does, I won't heistate in kickin' your ass.... The only thing I've still been upset about is the fighting between you and Wufei... so, have you guys got it cleared up?" Heero heard the hopeful note in Duo's voice.
"I think if you can let it go, we all can."
Duo gazed up at Heero standing up above, and sighing happily, smiled. "That's good." Then Duo's face looked somwhat uncertain, and he chewed on his lip a little. Once again Heero found his eyes locked with Duo, "Heero... I need to know... about what you said at the hospitial..."
Heero had been secretly hoping that somehow Duo had forgotten about that. It surprized him... although he was nevous, unlike with the others he had tried to explain to he did not feel the need to look away from Duo's intent gaze. "I ment it. I least, I think I do. My training..." Heero decided now was not the time to elaborate on what Duo already knew, " I haven't felt anything like this in so long....
"It started during the war. I felt empty when you weren't around.... I was.. unsure. I left after the war to get away, hoping to get back to normal. Then it just began to hurt..."
Duo's expression was unreadable. He simply asked, "Why didn't you tell me anything about this sooner..?"
"I was afraid and uncertain. I didn't want to... ruin... things with you with unnatural emotion." Heero was surprized with how quickly he admitted that to Duo. He did not want to show weakness, but he couldn't hide anything from Duo... he trusted Duo completely.
"It isn't unnatural!!" Duo looked a little angry, and when he saw the unsure look in Heero's eyes, his expression softened, "It's completely human, and you. are. human. No matter what occured during your training... you're still human. You might not be as used to it as some of the rest of us, but that doesn't make you any less of a person."
"Then why do emotions hurt so much if they're natural?"
Duo looked hurt himself, he said quietly, "Did it only hurt?"
"No!" The strength behind Heero's answer eased Duo somewhat. "When I was with you... I ... It was.. like nothing else. I felt at ease, safe..." Heero almost whispered, "..happy."
Duo was quiet a few moments. "Well, Heero, good comes with the bad. Can't have one without the other, unfortunately..." Duo knew well about the ups and downs of emotions, and the danger involved in loving someone. Much to Heero's relief, Duo didn't seem to be angry with -him- for his feelings. It lifted a huge weight form his shoulders he didn't know was there... but there was still doubt and fear in him... he didn't know what would happen now. Did Duo love him?
"Just one more question, for now, Heero..." Duo held up a hand, "Help me up..?"
Duo was planning on purposely pulling too hard on Heero so one of two things would happen: Heero would be dragged down onto the bed with him, or he'd be propelled straight into Heero. Duo wanted to know how Heero would react, and hopefully what it felt like to be in Heero's arms. When Heero grasped his offered hand, he pulled with all he had (which was less then he usually had..) just as Heero started to pull, too. Heero didn't fall down, and Duo hadn't really expected him to, so he crashed right into Heero, groaning softly as is injury did the same (he kept forgetting about that).
Heero was a little startled, and he put his other arm around Duo to steady him, as Duo placed an arm around him to do thing (at least, that's what Heero thought). Having Duo so close... Heero did not want it to end. Feeling him right there, the heat from his body, the soft feel of the braid that brushed agaist his arm... his mind told him this was right. Twinges of pleasure ran through him, and Heero suddenly found himself hoping that it wouldn't result in a physical reaction of his body while Duo was still standing right there... if Duo wasn't upset now, he might not be that understanding if he felt -that-.
Duo's hand around slipped away, and with some reluctancy, Heero's did as well, "Are you okay, Duo?" He hadn't missed Duo's groan.
"I'm fine. Sorry 'bout that, Heero." Duo stepped back a little, disappointing Heero by widening the gap between them.
With an abnormal expression of seriousness, Duo spoke. "Heero, I'm glad you told me everything you did... I have things to tell you... be to tell you the truth, I'm not exactly sure what they are right now... so it'll have to wait." The expression then melted away as Duo smiled a little, "Right now I have to go tell Wu-man I'm back." Duo hoped that Heero didn't take it the wrong way... but he needed to know.
Heero watched helplessly as Duo left the room, remembering his key this time. Insecurites started to try to take root in Heero, and he let them.... what happened if Duo didn't love him? What happened if he loved Wufei...?
---
Wufei heard the knocking on his door. Rising up slowly from the bed, he dragged himself to the door. He'd been in a deep depression. Everything in his life seemed to be going wrong. Once he saw it was Duo outside his door, his heart practically leaped out of his chest.
"Hey Wufei!" Duo grinned that idiotic grin Wufei loved so much. Wufei was surprized... Duo did not seem to be upset with him. He just stood there in shock for a few moment before Duo said, "...mind if I come in?"
Numbly Wufei nodded, and Duo practically bounced in.
"Duo... I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am, and I don't expect you--"
"Stabbing thing? I forgive you." Duo said it so lightly... as if it wasn't a earthshattering occurance, like it was.
"but, I--"
"It's over with, Wufei. I'm fine, Heero's fine, you're fine... I don't see the point in draggin' it around like a ball and chain, do you?"
Wufei was quiet a few moments. While he did not know if he could forgive himself as easily as Duo could, it was certain that he did, in fact, forgive him. That was enough for Wufei to let it go.. for now, at least. "I guess you're right."
Duo leaned against the wall. "So, Wufei... I heard you and Heero got an agreement?"
"Yes. He knows what to expect from me now. I understand why he did what he did. If you can forgive, then so can I."
Duo smiled at him. Wufei treasured that smile. "That's good... what I came here to talk to you about, though, is what you said that day..."
Wufei looked away knowing immediately what Duo was refering to, "You remember?"
"Yep. Care to tell me about it?"
Wufei had always known this day would come. Although he never would have imagined it would occur because of these circumstances.. Well, at least he no longer could work himself so much over it that he would go brain-dead when he saw Duo. Looking away, Wufei said softly, "There was something missing from my life, Duo. The Preventers could not fill my life the way I thought it could."
"Then you came, and I... everything came together. I moved in with you to see if you were ... available. You didn't seem to be responding to my subtle clues... I was too afraid to ask you directly, because I thought you'd refuse me and want me out of your life..."
Duo looked sympathetic, "I'd never do that..."
"I know... but... still .. I was afraid."
Duo sighed. Was he really that hard to approach? Both Heero and Wufei... both hardened soldiers... Maybe that was the problem. None of them really had time to see couples around them, and how they reacted. So much of their lives had revolved around missions, destruction, fighting... they all simply didn't know what to do with these feelings, so they had to try and figure it out for themselves.
Wufei finally found courage to look up into Duo's eyes. They locked and stood like that for a long time.
Wufei began to speak again, "When I saw that bruise.. when I knew that Yuy hurt you... when you brushed it off like nothing... I became so angry. It appaled me that someone would do that to you. It made me angry that there was not going to be a consequence for Yuy."
"You didn't think I could handle it?"
"I... no, I didn't. I wasn't thinking."
Duo looked so sad, so mournful. Wufei got a feeling of dread. Duo suddenly stepped forward a couple of steps and wrapped his arms around him. Wufei did not like the way he could feel tremors underneth the surface of Duo's skin as he held him, "What's wrong?", Wufei whispered. Duo just held onto him for a few moments. But he already knew.
"I... I... I'm sorry Wufei. But.. I just can't... I mean, I don't..." Duo took a deep breath and tried again, "I love you, but not in the way you want!"
To say it did not hurt would be a lie... it was like his heart was slipping into a black hole... slipping was not the word... ripped straight from his chest was what it felt like. As if it did not hurt enough... the fact that it upset Duo so much as well hurt, too. Wufei couldn't find it in him to blame Duo... he couldn't. Which, if he thought about it, he didn't have a right to do anyway.
"It's okay, Duo... I knew this was a possibility... you can't change the way you feel, nor should you try." He tried to comfort Duo even as he began spiralling downwards...
They stood that way, Wufei absorbing the shock.. trying to piece himself together, clinging to Duo, afraid this might be his only chance to hold him like this.. even if he knew there would never be anything more. Duo debated if it would be a good thing if he told Wufei about whom he loved right now... would it just be another knife in the back if he told him here, or would it hurt him more to find out later?
Finally, Duo began to pull away from Wufei. Wufei's arms went limp as they slipped away from Duo and swung lifelessly by his sides. "Want me to move out...? of the apartment, I mean.."
"Not if you don't want to. If you don't want to live with me anymore, I can understand. I can get a new place, no problem."
"That isn't fair, Duo... I'm the one who moved in with you. But, if you don't mind living with me, either, then I don't see a reason for me to leave..."
Duo sighed heavily, "Then I just may give you one.... Wufei, I don't mean to hurt you, but I think it's better if you hear from me instead of somone else... I'm in love with Heero."
Wufei was speechless. What had he done wrong..? Not only to have lost Duo to another man... but to another pilot?
Duo was able to guess partially at his thoughts, although he knew he could not understand completely what he was going through. "It's not your fault Wufei.. it's nothing you did... it's jus--"
"The way you feel. You cannot change it no more than I can change myself loving you." Wufei was quiet. Duo could see the pain in his eyes... maybe he was wrong.. maybe he shouldn't've told.
"I'm so sorry Wufei, I didn't want to hurt you bu--"
"It's okay Duo. I'm glad you told me...." Well., Wufei wasn't exactly sure if he was glad. What was the saying... ignorance is bliss? But it would not have remained a secret forvever... and he would have felt betrayed if someone other than Duo had told him.
"...Do you want me to go?"
"I.... yes... for now, I need some time to think."
Duo nodded and left the room. He made his way into his, and saw with disappointment that Heero had already left. He dragged his way over to his bed and lay down carefully this time so he didn't hurt himself again.
He knew it when he had looked into Wufei's eyes... when he talked to Wufei. It simply wasn't the same... He'd also taken Wufei into his arms to be sure, and he did not feel 'it'. He should have suspected this... all during the time they lived together, he'd never really thought of them together. He simply was not attracted to Wufei. Although Wufei looked attractive, that was where it ended (for Duo). He thought of him simply as a friend.
Duo couldn't quite describe it. He could not explain, even to himself, why it was so. Wufei took everything so hard. Even when he forgave Wufei, Duo could see him trying to fight it in his eyes. He knew by that look that Wufei did not forgive himself.
Also, Wufei had known he was in love for awhile, and he did not tell Duo. He said he knew Duo wouldn't throw him out or hate him for feeling this way.... but he did not seem to believe it. Heero at least had the excuse of not knowing exactly what it was he feeling... Wufei had looked away from him while he sopke about his feelings, Heero had looked in his eyes...
He just thought Heero would be the better choice for him. He hated to hurt Wufei like that... he did care for him deeply... but there wasn't any way out of hurting one of them, was there!?
Duo began to start second guessing his own emotions. He hated this whole situation! Did he do the right thing...?
Duo felt like shit, and knowing he probably felt better then Wufei did right now made him feel worse. He wished there was something he could do for him!
Funny, he'd been so hungry when he'd woken up... now the thought of food made him a little nauseous.
---
Once he was gone, Wufei started to break apart. The pain was incredible, twisting and pulling at him relentlessly. Duo walking out the door so upset drove reality home. Tears started to run down his face, and angrily he brushed them away.
Telling himself now that it wasn't his fault or Duo's fault, that it was justn't ment to be, did no good now. It didn't seem to work without Duo in the room. It was easier to blame him when he wasn't there with those beautiful eyes looking so hurt... It was easier to blame himself when Duo wasn't there to reassure him it wasn't so.
He didn't dare let out the scream welling up inside him. Duo's room was next to his, and hotel walls weren't known for their quality.
He sat down on the bed, crying silently. His tear blurred vision caught the glimmer of silver. Picking up the picture frame he'd ment to give back to Duo... seeing his Shinigami... he did not know if he wanted to break the picture or hold it close to him as he usually did. Deciding he would regret breaking it, he simply put it in the nightstand drawer and slammed it shut. Then he curled up into the fetal position on the bed... Why was he being so weak?
'Fuck strength, fuck justice... fuck everything.'
---
Heero was a little worried. He hadn't seen or heard from Duo in over 12 hours. He'd gone down to the lobby to get something to eat only half an hour ago from one of the restuarants, and he'd run into Trowa, who hadn't seen him either. He knew Duo was very capable of taking care of himself, but he thought something was wrong for Duo to be missing for so long.
Heero knocked on the door to Duo's room. There wasn't a response.. Could it be possible for him to still be over at Wufei's room? ... why so long, then? Or maybe he just didn't feel like answering his door? It did appear that he'd been trying to avoid everyone... did he just need some time alone? He did have a lot to think about. Even so, Heero could not shake Duo needed to talk to someone, even if he did not think it himself. "Duo?"
Heero's voice pentrated through Duo's thoughts. Blinking, he suddenly became aware of the outside world again. The only time he'd gotten up from his position on the bed was to relieve himself, and he had done that mechanically and dazed...
Duo was glad to hear Heero's voice, yet he did not know if he was ready to see Heero... He should be happy when he told Heero, but it was impossible to simply snap out of this depression he had let himself slip into. He didn't know what was going to happen, he did not Wufei to walk out on his life... but he was afraid that might happen. He was afraid Wufei might hate him now for choosing Heero. The more he thought about this whole situation, the farther he let himself fall... he hated this God damned choice!
Heero waited outside for a few moments. There was no answer, no sign or sound that gave a hint that Duo was even in there... With a mental sigh, he turned from the door to look else where.
---
Wufei stayed up half the night wrestling with his feelings. He tried to think things through reasonably, but emotions did not know reason. Slowly, his emotions hurt him less... hours passed, and he knew that this was the best thing, no matter how much he hated it.
It was best to know now, then to be lead on by false pretenses. Duo had never gave any hints he thought of Wufei like that... he had always known this could happen. He did love Duo, and he did not like the thought of him living in misery pretending to love someone he did not.
Then he realized that he didn't want to lose Duo entirely... and that he didn't have to. It might hurt , but he still wanted to be around Duo, to be near Duo. It would hurt more to be without Duo entirely... didn't he fall in love with him because he felt complete around him? Hopefully time would help heal his wound, but before that happened, he had to make sure he still had a friendship with Duo...
By now it was three in the morning (more specificically, 3:07). He did not want to wake Duo, but he knew he couldn't sleep until he spoke with him. Deciding on something to do between now and then, he grabbed his coat and left the room.
---
A knock on his door woke Duo up. It was 10:00am exactly, and he still did not feel like getting up and interacting with anyone or anything. Uncertain thoughts and feelings threatened to decend upon him again, and he pushed himself into a sitting up position with a groan. He couldn't go on like this...
"Duo?" Wufei's voice. Wait a minute--Wufei? Wufei wanted to talk to him? His mind checked the voice for anger, hate, agression... and found it to be clean. Of course, for worry and a touch of sorrow, it was positive. Duo couldn't ignore Wufei after what had just happened, so he rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a thud. He bit his lip as pain shot through his abdomen... he really shouldn't've done that....
"Duo?!"
"Wait--" Duo cleared his throat, his voice having been far to quiet or scratchy for anyone to understand. "Wait a second!"
Duo stood up, but felt lightheaded. It wasn't surprizing, considering he had gotten little sleep and hadn't eaten in over 24 hours. He made his way to the door and opened it.
He felt a twinge of guilt when he saw Wufei's red eyes and his face... it appeared as if he'd been crying. He had dark circles around his eyes, and he looked worn down. At first his expression was unreadable, but now he looked somewhat surprized.
Wufei was surprized, and not pleasantly. Duo looked exhausted, and he also had dark circles around his eyes. By way he stood it appeared like he was using the door for support. His clothes were rumpled and were the same as he'd been wearing yesterday. Light that normally danced in his eyes was dim and still, and his whole face betrayed his melancholy.
"Duo, what's wrong?"
Duo looked away and spoke quietly, "I really didn't want to hurt you Wufei.. and I was afraid that you'd be mad at me... that you'd leave and I wouldn't see you again."
It was a side of Duo Wufei had not seen before. He'd seen him sad, lonely, worried, guilty... but he'd never been so subdued. He never seen Duo this ... this depressed, and all because he might go... Duo was like this, "Because of me?" Wufei said under his breath, to himself.
Appearently Duo heard. Wufei saw him smile weakly, "It's not like I feel nothing for ya." Duo moved out of the doorway slowly, "Wanna come in?"
Wufei walked into the room, and Duo closed the door, walking past Wufei and sat carefully down on a table, and Wufei chose a chair next to him. "I'm not going to leave unless you want me to, Duo. You're too important to me... I came to give you this..." Wufei pulled out from a backpack he'd been holding a silver picture frame. It was simple, having no design around the outside of it, but what it held...
Wufei had to get someone email him half his photo collection so he could get a picture, and then he'd had a hard time finding anything where he was actually looking into the camera (he'd cursed his aversion of pictures a countless number of times during the night). It was a picture from sometime during the war, but it was the only one where Wufei was looking in the direction on the camera nearly laughing. It was the one that closest resembled the one he had of Duo.
The picture had been taken on the Peacemillion. Duo had been trying to get him to smile for the camera all week whenever both had some free time (Duo could be adamant about the strangest things). Wufei had only agreed to let Duo take pictures of him when Duo promised for every picture taken he wouldn't bug Wufei for a solid hour (and back then, Wufei valued it). So, the longer Wufei didn't smile, the more pictures Duo would attempt to take, and the more time Wufei earned unpestered. He'd been quite determined and had reason not to smile (anyway, it was undignified). Duo had tried everything... he'd tried telling jokes while behind the camera, he had Quatre hold the camera while he make faces... Wufei was beginning to wonder when the American would just give up.
Somehow, Duo had managed to convince Heero to take the picture. Duo just sat there, and didn't seem to be planning on doing anything. Then a second before the picture was taken, Duo gave Heero bunny ears. And that was all it took.
For one reason or another, the fact the Duo was giving the perfect soldier bunny ears stuck Wufei as funny for that critical moment as the flash went off. Heero had known something had to have happened for Wufei to grin like that, but when he'd turned around to see what Duo had done, Duo was dancing around, celebrating because he'd finally gotten his precious picture.
Angry that Duo had 'won', Wufei snatched the camera from Heero and took off down the corridor. Duo chased after him, screaming that if he did not give the picture back, all the hours of silence from Duo he'd earned would be void. Never pausing, Wufei made it to his room, locked the door, and put the disc with the photo into a secrect compartment in a carved wooden box he owned, then threw the box into his desk. He heard Duo pounding on the door, and so he opened it just enough to toss the camera at him, then shut it. Then Duo pounded on the door even harder, yelling about how he had gotten that picture fair and square. After an hour, Duo finally got sick of trying to beat the door down or had other things he had to do... which was most likey the case. He left with the words, "I may not have the evidence, but I got you Wufei, and you damn well know it!"
Wufei had ment to destroy the disc, but somehow it survived and made it into his photo collection. He'd nearly forgotten it existed until he rediscovered it last night. This would be the first time Duo got to see his work.
Duo's face lit up, mostly due to the news that Wufei would not be taking off forever. But he also remembered when Heero'd taken this picture. He was sure Wufei had tossed it out the nearest airlock (he'd looked out the windows half expecting to see the disc float by at any moment). He looked up at Wufei in shock, wondering why.
"Remember that picture frame you got me with the two dragons?" Wufei pulled it out just in case, showing it to Duo for the first time since he'd recieved it. "I thought you should have a picture of me happy, too... originally I was going to give this back to you... but I've grown attached.." Wufei looked away, "Sorry 'bout how plain the frame is, but it was the only thing the drugstore had..."
Duo smiled, "Wufei, I wouldn't care if it was made out of cardboard and glue! You're not never talking to me again!" Then his expression grew serious, "Are you going to live with me still? Want me to move out?"
"No, no.. not at all... but why would you want to live with me?"
"It's my home, too."
"But you and Yuy.."
"Sheeh... Wufei, just because I think I love him... just because I'm attracted to him... does not mean I'm going to move in with him tomarrow. We haven't been on a single date yet! Besides, I haven't even told him yet..."
"What?!" Wufei looked at Duo in shock. "Why not..? Why are you still here, why don't you go talk to him?"
Now Duo looked confused, "Why are you trying to push me off on some other man?"
Wufei sighed, and looked Duo straight in the eyes, "Because I love you Duo, and I want to see you happy." Then Wufei glanced away, not wanting Duo to see any jealousy in his eyes, "And if you're happy with Heero..." He looked back up at Duo, "You're going to march into that room of his and tell him."
Duo started to get a little nervous, even though he did not think he had any reason to worry... there were still butterflies in his stomach. "Well, I'd have to get cleaned up first..." Wufei got up to leave, to encourage Duo to do just that.
"Wait a minute, Wufei! Why don't you stick around, and order us some breakfast from room service... 'less you already had some... 'cause I'm starving, and could use the company!"
Duo walked over to the dresser to get some fresh clothing, and he grinned when he saw Wufei pick up the hotel services booklet to look up the number.
---
Heero answered the knock at his door immediately, and found the object of his search... and his desire... standing there looking as cheerful as Duo normaly seemed to be. "Hey Heero!" Heero stepped aside, and Duo walked right in.
Heero noticed that while Duo seemed happy enough, he looked slightly haggard. "Duo?"
"What?"
"Are you okay?"
"Never been better, Hee-chan! Got somethin' ta tell ya!" Duo suddenly threw his arms around Heero and squeezed tightly. Heero was confused, but placed his arms around Duo as well. Duo nestled his head against Heero's chest, and that's when Heero realized.
"Hee-chan?" he questioned.
Heero saw the bright violets look up into his eyes, curiousity and anxeity made plain within the shining avatars of Duo's soul, "Do you mind?"
Heero felt his lips start to twitch upwards.
"No... I think I like it."
~~~end
SnK:It's over!!!
ChibiHwoarang:'Bout time.... *does sweet innocent Chibi eyes* now that it's over and you feel all nice, can I be normal again?
SnK:ehh... sure *turns him back* truely sorry about the wait everyone *waves at 2 people still reading the story* But it is (I think) the longest part, and I did write rough copies of 2 other endings while I was doing loads of work from my hellhoun--I mean teachers. Sorry if the ending's disappointing as a whole, or disappointing because Wufei did not get Duo..
Wufei:What is wrong with you, onna?!
SnK:This version just read better... anyway, it was my original intention for this to be 1x2....
Wufei:Baka! I don't care! And why am I the only one who cries during the whole series... -twice-?!?
SnK:Because.. though I loathe the word... you're cute when you cry.
Wufei:Nani!?!
SnK:It's true! Wanna see proof? *fishes through harddrive for a screenshot*
Wufei:NO!
Hwoarang:*sees the piccy and laughs at 'Fei*
Wufei*growls* Kisama...
Hwoarang:*wants to pick a fight now that he's unchibi and can fight* Wanna make somethin' of it, crybaby?
Wufei:*runs at Hwoarang*
SnK:*sighs as she watches the two martial artists fight eachother* Well, everyone, thanks for reading. I'd really appreciate a review... really really really appreciate a review. That way I know if I should write anymore GW fics 'n' all (can you believe that Duo-tries-to-get-a-pic-of-Wufei-smiling was an early fic I never posted of mine? icky.).... and since the series is finally over, I can start some of the projects I've thought of during the course of this... *grins evily*
Wufei+Hwoarang:*pause midfight* Oh shit... *look back at eachother, then snarl and start fighing again*
SnK:*sighs* Just ignore them, please review.