The Lights of Deling
By: Elle (Tera)
- Part Five- Way of the World
Laguna Loire sat comfortably at the large mahogany desk. He did not appreciate this fact though. Instead he rejected the stuffy feeling of being cooped up all day with only one window to stare out of showing him all that he missed. Like, those days in Winhill when he rose so early in the morning before most would wake up and would creep out to watch the sunrise-alone feeling the light breeze blow back his dark hair and finally the warmth of the sun. But, Laguna reminded himself again that there was no way, no chance of ever returning to Raine or Winhill or any other past reality. He wondered, "Shouldn't he be proud of his life though?" He had become many things, many different things -- a president was just one. He had also once been: the admirer, a broken desolate man, a silly monster hunter, an uncle, a journalist, an actor, and a father. On the other hand none of these things had really defined him. No, Laguna would always be Laguna no matter what job he occupied. The jobs did, however, affect him in their own ways. He could admit that. He had learned much from all of them but especially from Raine for whom he had grown up for. He had cared very much for Raine, and yet he had left her too.
It wasn't my fault…
Yes, the man had had a choice, a difficult one at that. One that required abandoning one of two people that he loved dearly. He hadn't planned it. Expecting instead to come back soon enough, right when he was needed. Walk through the doorway of the aged pub to come back to his Raine with their Ellone. He hadn't though. Instead he had stayed in the city that had needed him and slowly forgotten about that town, Winhill. Sank into a life of power and prestige day in and day out far from his Raine. It wasn't so bad he thought as he clutched his head in his hands. Squall and Ellone are fine, and I have protected all of this, the world is safe…but am I happy? He scratched his head thinking about everything, the past and the present city he found himself in. The city was so clean, sterile and unnatural in every way that children often forgot what trees looked like. Tall towers shimmered under the sun and the pale blue roads stretched on for miles, all of them perfectly formed. It was extremely too organized in his opinion. What ever happened to a little mess? Maybe a sign out of place-something, anything he thought. He had done a fine duty of protecting it, such a fine duty of sacrificing everything for this damn city and the world. But, look the world is in trouble again. I can't save it, my son can't save it so what makes him think that he can? Laguna remarked about Landon. Then he heard the door opening and smiled as a shorter girl with cropped, brown hair that framed her face and snowy skin entered.
"What are you think about now, Uncle Laguna?" She asked smiling; lips arced up and brown eyes warm, so welcoming and comforting. Yes, he could rely on Ellone she had forgiven him and loved him…. She was almost the last of his family and yet every time he saw her he remembered… Sweet memories, and the awful abandonment he had put her through.
"Did I make the right choice, Elle?" He asked suddenly. The girl looked troubled at this and sighed. She sat down in a near by chair and gazed back at him, her dark eyes displeased at the question.
"You did what had to be done. I'm just feel sorry that Squall can't forgive you right now… You need each other, it's just not right that a father and son cannot get along so well, but I guess he'll come along in time." She explained.
He smiled for her, maybe he wasn't really happy, but he smiled for her. "Thank you, Ellone."
She took his hand in hers closely from the other side of the desk, "But I didn't do anything. I don't know why you worry about yourself. I'm the one that really abandoned him. I just left him for the white seed ship…poor thing. Edea told me how he stood outside that orphanage, calling out my name into the rain. How can he forgive me and not you? I just want you two to be together…" He squeezed her hand comfortingly, but a frown still enveloped her innocent face and her lovely eyes remained cast down.
"You were in danger and… Let's stop all this talk. What's done is done and nothing can change that." She nodded with him and looked inquisitively at the form on his almost barren desk.
"What's that?" She asked.
"Some thing from Landon. He's having all his supporters sign it, to RSVP to some kind of Opera he's throwing, The Promise. Ever hear of it Elle, I have to admit I don't really like those artsy-fartsy kinda things." He lifted the thin paper from its place and handed it to Ellone.
- "No. I don't believe so, but come on let's go. I'm sure it will be fun. Who knows, Squall might be there with his friends. We'll have a great time for sure."
* * * *
- Two blue eyes stayed wide-awake. Similar to two crystal pools of water, cold like ice and whose stare would chill the air. They were attentive, calculating, smart, and seemed undoubtedly capable of the deepest love. Too much had the eyes seen in a short time, death, lost, fear, longing, lust, love and the disappearance of that love right before the eyes. Wondering, wanting so badly to close them and disappear into dreams that told them of happier tales then their own. They remained open. Squall knew he needed sleep, he needed food, but then again he also needed her. It would be okay to let the other things go-he didn't care, but yes his eyes demanded her. To see her, touch her, hear her, and feel her. How could anything or anybody sleep with the thought that she was in danger? He could remember her voice, how it gently called his name, it had loved him, so tenderly loved the cold monster he was. The same thing that had cursed her, scorning her childish, no her open ways. She hadn't held anything back, so unlike him she was, he whom held every emotion back-and cursed all others. But, slowly and without giving up she had taught him a new appreciation for life, to actually enjoy it, love it.
- She made you weak.
- She gave me my life back.
- And stole it away again…
- She's okay, right?
You're beaten Squall…
"Stop thinking, I think too much…" The dark headed boy murmured. He sat up from the stiff bed and brushed his bangs back with a gloved hand wide-awake with the window showing an early morning that he had stayed conscious for through the whole night. It was hot, bright and very unpleasant both externally and internally. He turned his head to the door with a sound of a knock and listened to hear who it was.
"Squall, Squall are you in there?" Quistis Trepe asked. Squall sat still on the bed unable to piece a thought together and tempted to retort his familiar apathetic phrase of whatever. But, he recalled that he had already been so rude to this woman that longed and needed to help him that he should at least grant her a chance. The young man got up reluctantly and walked the short distance to the door to open it half way.
"Good, I was worried. Are you okay, did you sleep at all?" Overprotective Quistis, why did she care so much? He had shrugged every one of her attempts off and yet she had never given up…
"I feel fine." He lied again. For a reason he thought it was perhaps better not to talk to her, she didn't understand anything that he was going through and it would only make her ask more questions.
"You don't look it…" She replied carefully choosing her words. Her eyes probed him, examining the wrinkled clothes, the pale face with dark circles under the blue eyes, the creased brow, and unkempt hair. She uncousiosly shook her head and at this he unconsciously reply with discreetly averting his stare. It's not Squall… She remarked to herself and almost had the desire to touch the ghost, see if it all wasn't an illusion, why couldn't it be an illusion?
"I know that you don't care that I care, but you're not helping yourself or anyone by keeping everything back. Sometimes you just have to let everything out because keeping it in doesn't help anything." Quistis tried. She folded her arms at his frown, her head cocking back a little to remove the hair in her face. She almost bit her lip because she now felt incredibly awkward that she had really said the words she had been trying to hold back this whole time. But, it really was unnerving to see him this way. She thought back and remembered that every time she had seen Squall he had been neat, organized with an uncaring poker face. That was the picture she had ingrained in her head and the mess now, the disorganization of everything about him affected her, as if she wanted to comb his hair or "fix" him.
"Whatever." He wiped some of the tiredness from his eyes, but continued to avoid her face. He just didn't want to care and felt so weak from no sleep and those horrible thoughts. Go away…
"Why don't you care? All I ever wanted was for you to care, for once. Maybe actually be interested in something I said. I'm not upset Squall, but I just want to know why?" This got his attention and his gaze quickly fell on her reddened face that tried to hold back it all. Her lips locked strait, face clamped tightly and eyes waiting for a reply. It was so unlike Quistis, who now stood so stern in front of him demanding something from him.
"…Because you aren't her." Now he wore a stern face and it was she who looked shocked and horrified. Why did she expect anything at all, anything different? It was all the same, she was still timid in his presence and he still didn't care. His harsh honesty was something she was use to, but it still had never got easier to take.
"Thank you Squall for being honest, I know that I can at least count on you for that, to be so honest it hurts." Quistis closed the door for him and quickly walked down the hall as fast as her legs could carry her with out braking into a frantic run. Suddenly, she ran into someone in the hall and stopped herself as he bent down to help her up. He had the sweetest dark eyes, gentle and ones you could trust? His skin was a light bronze; he was taller with a shirt that hugged a medium frame. Adorned in a SeeD uniform, but strangely she could never recall his face.
"…." When he looked at her, a grin of satisfaction formed on his dark face. She began to worry at this and thought perhaps it would be better if she hurried-so quickly she stood up a few feet away from his gaze. All she would have to do is remain cool, but oddly she sensed something was going to happen and also thought it would be best if she didn't appear eager. The man calmly brushed himself off and gazed back at her again.
What was he thinking?"Hey, sorry. Are you okay?" The man asked a touch of concern in his voice.
"I am now." She responded smiling courteously. It was a fake smile that one adorned when they felt awful and didn't want to share their emotions with the world.
"Hmm…it seems to me that you have a problem, an awful problem. I've had those troubles myself, it doesn't feel good at all does it?" He asked, his voice casual and retaining the same frankness from before. Like he cared and part of her wanted to tell him everything…
"I don't know what you're talking about." She stated smiling and carefully watching his reactions. He still was composed, sure of everything and she wanted to run away suddenly as the portentous feeling increased.
Does he know?"I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you. It's horrible, and I don't like it one bit when other people have to go through it. Disgusting, and that guy's suppose to be our Commander? Seems awful self-centered to me, I mean he spends all his time thinking about that girl? Lame ass, a weak thing really…" The man explained. She smiled at him with and appeared slightly of confused. As long as she played the part that she knew nothing, perhaps he would leave her alone seeing that she obviously didn't want to talk about it.
"Quistis, please don't lie to me. I'll be here for you, like he won't." He began again. Her heart began to beat faster and her stomach suddenly began to churn and twist into knots of anxiety as well as her palms becoming clammy.
Stunned."Honestly, I don't know what you are talking about and if you wouldn't mind I'll just be on my way now." When he didn't move out of her way she pushed past him, but he grabbed her shoulder suddenly and she was stopped. Her face whipped back angrily.
"But don't you want me to kill him for you?" He asked the smile still on his face. He laughed quietly and her face grew pale. He then added whispering into her ear, "Slowly, wasting away… Suffering for what he's done to you." The stranger really had no interest in this girl outside of business, but playing with her was just too much fun.
"I said I don't know what you are talking about!" She demanded annoyed and shook herself out of his grasp and hastily began to walk down the hall again.
"I guess you don't know whom you are talking to…" She stopped in mid-step and turned around slowly.
It couldn't, no it couldn't, it couldn't, is just couldn't.
"Charm?" She asked aloud her heart skipping a beat.
"Quistis Trepe, I've heard so much about you and I'm sure you've heard so much about me? Follow me let's discuss this somewhere more private."
* * * *
The place he had taken her was none other than her own dorm. They had walked the halls keeping their faces averted from the occasional group of Garden students until they had arrived at her dorm. The Trepies as usual were to be found not so far from Quistis' dorm room and they gazed curiously at the young man that accompanied their favorite teacher, almost in spite. What was Quistis, the virgin queen doing inviting a young man to her dorm room? Though it wasn't as if they would object for a second if it was one of them that pulled Ms. Trepe along. He was taller then her, dashing in a way with a devious grin that strangely reminded them of Seifer. Like you knew he was trouble, but perhaps that is what attracted you in the first place. Whatever it was, Quistis had an unusual edge of fear to her, but the Trepies just mistook this as a sort of understandable fear with these kind of matters. They were tempted to ask him what had finally worked on her and why he was so special, but reluctantly kept their mouths closed. The door shut, slamming hard and they quickly rushed to hear the 'conversation.' Grunger, Rhia, Kathy and Marco all listened in closely.
"Quistis, Quistis, Quistis, why do you look so timid?" The four giggled from the other side of the door and Charm sat comfortably on the bed.
"Why are you here, Charm?" She asked still standing firmly.
"Relax, Quistis, relax I don't intend on harming you. All I need is a favor." Quistis eye's narrowed, as she couldn't believe what he was saying. It was almost as if he was pretending they were friends, not swore enemies. "I see you are shocked. I need your help very badly, all of you… I'm afraid that Chase died on are last encounter and the truth is he was the one behind your friends kidnapping. It was his entire fault and plan; I only did what I was told. I wasn't even working with him directly, but for Garden as a part of infiltrating the terrorists who threatened the election. The Commander knows nothing; this was all Cid and NORG's meddling. I'm just so very sorry that you all were caught in the middle, but now that Chase is neutralized there shouldn't be any more problems getting your friend back and continuing on with the election." When he was finished he smiled lightly at the girl who shook her head doubtfully.
His words, his reactions, everything was so sincere and she knew it wasn't the first time NORG and Cid had played these games with them. It was sickening how the two fought and manipulated the smaller pawns in their power plays. If what he was telling her was true, and that was a big if then Rinoa was safe and all the madness could end. Slowly things would return to normal. Rinoa and Squall would probably be as much together as before, the election would commence once again when Artemis felt better. She could settle into teaching perhaps, and life overall could be as normal as ever-until the next crisis. She thought about it and it wasn't so bad, but the last thought, until the next crisis hit her the hardest. Did she really desire to live from crisis to crisis like some super hero? So then at one point when perhaps she had finally settled down with her life she would be thrown into more chaos? And why, why now did she question these things when she had been raised with nothing and had expected this when she had joined Garden all those years ago?
Is that as good as it gets?
As she thought about it, it all seemed to appear horrible, a nightmare that nobody wished onto their child. Then again she really hadn't had any parents to object to it. She knew what she had given up when she entered SeeD; she had given up high school, friends to go shopping with, prom and any kind of typical life as a teenager. Had she really given that all up for this? To be staring into the warm brown eyes of a man who if she didn't figure out right might lead herself and friends to a horrible death? At the time she was just so young, ten and innocent who had no where else to go…
"How can I possible trust you? If I'm wrong I could be leading all my friends and myself to an early death. What proof do you have?" She asked finally.
"But, if you're right everything works out and we all live happily ever after, the end. Besides just ask Cid, he'll tell you and if you want I'll come too. " She smiled thoughtfully at this, it would just be so easy to lead them wrong… Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, just another great adventure or another great death.
"I guess I really don't have a choice, do I?" She asked more to herself then Charm. Her eyes scanned the boy, and then rolled to the ground sadly-almost as to look for a way out. I'm not suppose to be the one, she remarked to herself and added hesitantly, "let's go."
* * * *
Seifer had been dragged to a "meeting." One of the many of those lame, trite and dull ones that Garden was known for. Oh course he felt uncomfortable, as he was not one of those "honorable" SeeDs. He stood in the cramped helm of the Garden like he had before and didn't even know why they even bothered. Why Squall had given him any chance at all when he was so biased that there really was no chance in hell for him to become a "hero". Not like he had gotten his hopes up or anything, but still he felt insulted in a way that he would offer something like that and not mean it. Squall was weak, he decided abruptly. Weak for never having the strength to love something or let alone care about himself. Seifer, yes Seifer the knight had so much on him that it wasn't even funny. And it wasn't like he was stuck with that whore, Rinoa, god forbid that. Of course he wasn't "stuck" with anyone unfortunately. He glanced over to the door to see a tall bronze man proceed through the doorway with familiar dark eyes; it was all too familiar. The man stopped, a grim smile creeping across his face.
"Seifer, yes I remember you now." Quistis, Zell, Irvine and Selphie followed him.
"Quistis?" Seifer stared at the man in disbelief and the turned to the girl who seemed in charge for an answer.
"Why don't you ask, Cid? She suggested a hint of annoyance in her voice. Cid, who had been standing with Nida the entire time turned around at the mentioning of his name. The copper colored frames of his glasses gleamed and he scrunched them up further, combing back his wild brown hair to tuck his hands back behind his back.
"Yes?" The older man questioned with a curious grin on his subtly wrinkled face. Suddenly, as he spotted Charm his calm eyes widened with shock and fear. "I see, you've found out. This isn't good at all."
"What do you mean this isn't good at all, old man?! When the hell were you gonna tell us?" Seifer demanded.
"Number 06787, never betray a fellow SeeD." Quistis stated as she couldn't help, but look onto Cid with contempt and folded her arms sternly.
"It-wasn't like that, not at all, Quistis. Sure it's nice to make pleasing promises of loyalty and honor, but some of the things we have to do involve neither. I was going to tell you, but I could not without endangering the mission and if Commander Squall ever knew he was putting Rinoa in danger-"
Irvine cut him off, "he would kill you…"
"Charm was just doing his job, and that was to do whatever he was told. Don't hate him for that, he's completely innocent in all of this. And I ask you not to hate me either because I was just doing what I thought was right, what I thought would save the world. " Cid sighed, his hands were still tucked behind his back and a smile formed his wearied face.
"Where is Squall, anyway?" Selphie asked suddenly. Everyone shrugged their shoulders and looked to one other, the boy was no where to be found.
* * * *
Alone, far from people, not far enough, the man murmured in his thoughts. He didn't care if he was weak, confused or even stupid, whatever it was it didn't matter anymore because he was here. In a ship, back pressed hard against a chair of the Ragnarok where he remembered a time, not so long in fact that in his arms he held a girl. She had this shiny hair, it was black really with several strands of gold weaved through that framed her face well. Big eyes, a brown eyed girl with a soft expression on a pale face. She wanted to be in his arms so badly it had seemed and even when he suggested it would be safer if she sat in the chair next to him she refused. He still didn't understand that, but it wasn't like he had mined at all. And the touch, the soft feeling of how her lips pressed against his that one night, it was like everything that had happened was for that. Who cared about Ultimecia, or Quistis or anyone when he had her?
You're so stupid… What?She's just a girl, she could die, and he could've killed her, done anything to her really…
Shut up, you don't understand.
You're blind, so blind that eventually you have to hit a wall. What will happen then?
I don't know what you are talking about.
It's no like it's the end of the world without her, what about Quistis?
She's not her.
You're so picky, obsessed, its not like she cares either way. She's too much trouble.
Squall shook his head; he was trying so desperately to get control of his own mind. These voices could fight all day and would, they seemed to bicker and bicker without end and it was literally driving him mad. But, then he thought, what would happen if he did find her? What would happen if he found her dead, beaten or maybe perfectly fine? What struggle would come when everything was resolved? And they lived happily ever after… That's what they say, that's what they said in those stories and it had seemed for so long that he had been like a hero from one of those stories. A fantasy really, a prince who had claimed his princess and they lived happily ever after… In the midst of his thoughts the ship began to rumble.
* * * *
"Then she told herself like she always did that everything would be right,That she would just kind of step over the line a little more,
Drawing another one in its place in till she would eventually cross that one too,
In hopes of reaching her goal."
- -FF8 Return (Christine's thoughts)
Rinoa had been treated better. She felt no longer restrained by any sort of bondage, and was even comfortable. Strangely, comfortable in an alien place. And, sometimes she tried to pretend for a second, one moment or two that this was in fact where she wanted to be. Everything was planned in this dream so perhaps Squall was fetching her a drink and he would return soon enough. That thought, that stupid, childlike dream actually helped. What else was she supposed to do? She was stuck, in a simple cell with a bed, a pillow, a sheet, a rug and even a bathroom. Doors, yes there were more then one. That was good, she thought, she could walk and almost be free, but thinking was really all she could do. Just contemplating some of the larger aspects of life, and even the simpler ones. Like how suddenly Quistis had seen to except her or how Squall's jacket was so short that his T-shirt was longer. She had laughed at this, a few times and even at her own foolishness. It was odd because she almost began to understand Squall more, how he could sit around thinking about everything so he wouldn't let one detail past him by-she hadn't been like that at all. She hadn't let everything past by, but now that she really thought about it, maybe she had?
A knock came on the rotting door and she was surprised because anyone whom had ever wanted to see her for any reason had always just come right on in. Should she ask who it was? But, maybe it was something bad so perhaps if she stood still it would leave and she could get back to her dreams.
"Hello?" A timid voice asked through the door. It was that girl, the one from before who looked on to Charm with love in her unsure eyes and seemed clueless in this mess. She heard a key turn and the door almost "snap" open as the lock was released. The girl quickly jumped in and slammed the door tight behind her all in one movement. She stood there for a moment, body pressed tight against the gigantic door and almost quivering. The girl averted her stare from the floor suddenly to Rinoa who stood astonished at the visitor.
"I need…to make this quick." She was so frightened, how could she hurt a soul?
"Why are you so scared? I think I'm the one whose suppose to be scared." Rinoa stated. The girl laughed a nervous laughter and quickly tightened up again with the same look of fear.
"I guess you could call it an old family superstition, about Sorceress. Or, maybe it's the fact that I'm about to betray everything I've ever believed in."
* * * *
Erek was often a man of principals. When the going got rough and the journey so unbearable that he just wanted to kill something he often thought of them. Erek also lived in rules. That was the ironic part-because what Erek was about to do probably went against almost every rule anyone had. He had made a list; kill, steal and who knew what else the night would lead to. For now Charm their new "leader" was away and this was Erek's show. The council had decided that Charm would take over Chase's place and had done so in as little regard for the whole of the operation as possible. Forgotten about the common man who had built everything, that struggle and dedication they all had shown and in an instance given power to a stranger that boasted he had been told directly by Chase to take over in his absence-his final absence that is. But, then again for now Erek also had the power of the entire world at his fingertips.
What a surprise Erek thought as he stared at the silver moon. The cliché of so many tired stories was coming true. There was a "good" guy, going against a "bad" world that controlled everything that he deserved. He had just wanted his country back, his land that had been defiled in a horrible, catastrophic act of Hyne, nature or whatever forces one believed in. The legends told of a day when a crimson shower had floated over the countryside, it was a beautiful site from above and left behind chaos and destruction of everything they had loved. These men, women and children that were the remains of the ancient city had fled their ruins to other lands and forgot their heritage. Awful. What was a person without roots? A ghost walking around with no purpose, no ideals that his ancestors had worked so hard to produce from generations of trial and error. Fumbling idiots who couldn't get anything done or see the big picture. These shallow ghosts, fumbling idiots whom believed in nothing, but themselves and went on idly with their purposeless lives were about to have a purpose. They would live by the old ways and life would return to normal as it had been before the Lunar Cry. Old and glorious values that he had been raised by would return to unite the world. The cliché of so many tired stories that the hero would triumph over evil and the world would live happily ever after was coming true-who cared about who exactly was that hero?
- The nights warn air made him sweat in his tightly buttoned up trench coat. It was unusually humid, the air thick with dust that made his nose inch and wheeze. He rubbed it futilely along with his watery eyes and the perspiration off his forehead. His body seemed to ache from all the movement of the last days, back sore to the touch and legs weak-he had to take things slower. He almost walked hunched in his current state and noted that it probably didn't leave a good impression on his fellow workers or anybody for the matter. He should be use to all the work, the discomfort and tiredness, what was wrong with him? Perhaps it was the occasion, he thought and it would be his first real Opera even if most the time was spent preparing everything maybe he would have a chance to catch a glimpse of the show? He wanted to take the trench coat off, even if Charm had forbid him to do so in paranoia that they would be recognized, but the thing was slowly becoming more and more of an irritation and distracting him from his work.
- "Hey boss were should we put this?" A burly man asked walking by carrying a small paier mache musical box, in the shape of barrel organ. Attached, the figure of a monkey in Persian robes, playing the cymbals. Erek shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, but looking more carefully at the piece as it appeared strangely familiar as if in the far corner of his mind he remembered it. The monkey also had a curious disposition on his face that made him looked aged in a way, Erek shuddered.
- "Strange looking thing isn't it?" He commented more to himself then the man.
- "I guess, Hyne knows what they were thinking when they made this piece of work. What is that a monkey or something? I'm glad I only gotta move things around here."
"Hmm… Just, just put it in the prop room, must be a part of the show…" Erek brushed his trimmed hair back in a quick motion and sighed. It wasn't as if he had any experience of being part of a stage crew. Finally when the large man caught on that he wasn't paying anymore attention he moved on carrying the music box in hand which made Erek feel a little relieved. He gazed up suddenly to the sky as if he hoped to find an answer from it. He thought childishly enough that maybe in those countless stars that one of them could help in away, that their brilliant light could shine on him and make him as glorious as them. What would it feel like to be blessed by such light? Then he noticed the moon that dwelled in the patch of stars and hazy clouds that tried their best to block the sky. The red moon…
Author's Note: Yes I know nothing really happens in this chapter, but it's because I must set everything up for the ending. So yeah you can look forward to that soon if you care or anything.
Disclaimer: I'm happy I don't own them, if I did it would suck because people would never stop beginning me for a sequel lol.