Why I Love Turkey Sandwiches
By: Umi Sakura (as narrated by Duo Maxwell)
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Never have never will. (Damned fate) Please don't sue me. I'm already broke as it is.
Author's Notes: Some 2x1, a bit of 3+4, and some Wufei and Relena bashing. (Not too much just enough to add some flavor) AU just like ALL of my other stories. A self insert. I couldn't help it. Something like this happened to me so it's pretty weird. Please R&R as always.
Have you ever had one of those days where everything just goes oddly? Like you go to make a turkey sandwich (your favorite) and you just start thinking about the oddest things? Like when you reach for the Mayo and you start thinking about the really funny joke you played on your Chinese friend earlier that day? And you start remembering how the milk just started spilling out of his nose when you told him that you put a bug in his soup? And your EXTREMELY hot dark hair blue eyed friend grabbed your braid and told you to stop lying to poor Wufei? And then Wufei ended up chasing you around the table with a plastic fork saying he was going to rip your eyes out with it? That's about when you heard the weird girl from the table next to you start laughing? And then she told Wufei to stop it before she's short one science partner? And Wufei told her she was short a few screws and she told him that if he kept talking like that she'd tell their math teacher Miss Po why he REALLY stayed after school everyday to help her? Then Wufei sat back down and cursed the ground Gabby walked on? That's about when you're dear friend Quatre asked Gabby if she had, had anymore weird dreams and Gabby started going into her dream from the night before? And you weren't really listening in but when you did you heard Gabby say that that they (whoever they were) wanted to pour marinara sauce onto her ice cream? Which is about the point you asked her if she had ever had any help for her weird ass dreams and she told you that's why she tells them all to Quatre? That's when Trowa walked up who not only was dating Quatre but also was the only person Gabby ever wanted to date EVER? So that's about when Gabby shut up? Which made you start thinking about your TOTALLY hot friend who was also your roommate at the local dorms? And how you wished that he were more than just a friend was? And then Gabby told you that you were turning bright red and that Heero was staring at you? And then Heero asked you if you were sick and you told him no and ran to the bathroom which made Gabby laugh even more? That's when you literally RAN into the only person you really hated in the whole world, the blonde of doom Relena Piececrap? And she told you to get the hell off of her or she'd have her brother beat you up? And you weren't really afraid because you had once walked in on Milliardo "Zechs" Peacecraft (If you ever wonder why that's his nickname just ask his cheerleader girlfriend Lucrezia Noin) and Treize "Captain of the football team" Kushrenada doing it at one of Howard's famous parties? Then you start wondering why Howard is like the oldest high school student EVER but you wait until later to answer that? Then you remember that's when Heero walked over helped you up, nodded to Relena and then went on to the computer lab because that's where he ALWAYS spends his lunch hour? And then you remember that you were supposed to have gone there too to make up some work? And you start swearing at yourself because NOW you remember and schools been over for about 8 hours? Then that's when you saw Quatre, Trowa and Gabby come out and Gabby and Quatre were talking about two things, dreams and Trowa? Then Wufei came out right after them covered in food that as you found out from Gabby in your science class after lunch was from the kids two tables down that always threw food at each other and Wufei happened to get caught in the middle of it? And you started to laugh your ass off and follow Wufei around making fun of him, which is why you forgot to go to the computer room? And then the bell rang and you ran to your next class so you wouldn't be late and it turned out that you could have been 10 minutes late because that's about when the teacher FINALLY showed up? But you spent the time wisely thinking up an excuse for why you didn't do your homework? Then when the teacher did show up it wasn't your normal teacher but Miss Une who was subbing for your normal teacher which made you cringe because Miss Une has a crush on Treize and he's in your science class? Although normally he spends the time trying to find out why they call Relena the blow job princess and how much one cost? Though Gabby set him straight when she told him she started it when Dorothy told her some pretty weird info while on some weird drugs a few months ago? Then when class was over you looked outside and saw that it was raining and asked everyone you saw if they loved the rain? Then you see Wufei who has a milk stain on his shirt and he starts yelling at you AGAIN? Then you hang around school for awhile talking to whoever comes along when you notice that your two friends; Quatre and Trowa are having an argument a thing they don't do very often? Then you see Gabby sitting with Hilde, your other good friend and co-worker at the local auto shop? And you wonder why those two are hanging out together in the first place because they've never been on the same side of anything but Relena? (That's only because Gabby rammed a back pack into Relena's head last year then ended up having a HUGE verbal argument earlier this year and Hilde had tried to beat Relena up two years ago.) And then you spend a minute listening to Trowa and Quatre, while watching Hilde and Gabby, and find out that they're fighting about what color their new bed sheets are going to be? Then when you go over to Gabby and Hilde you find out that they have a project together in history and that they're going to say that purple saves lives (or P.S.L.) and that orange is evil (O.I.E.) as their false theory of the enlightenment age? And that they're going to start a campaign to see if they can get everyone in school to wear something purple for one day? And then when they finally notice you they ask if you can make them sandwiches so that they can work during the lunch hour on their project? And you tell them you can't but then Gabby says that if you do she'll wash Wufei's shirt because he's probably going to send it to you to wash it just like last time? Which is why you're making these sandwiches in the first place? That's when Heero walks in and asks how long you're going to need the kitchen so that he can start dinner soon and you notice that you've been in the kitchen for an hour now thinking and you haven't even finished the first sandwich yet? That's when you decide that you're just going to buy the girls some sandwiches and eat the one you were making? That's when Heero says that the sandwich will ruin your appetite so he takes the sandwich from you and won't let you near the fridge so you can get it? Have you ever had one of those days? No? Well you should because one thing's for sure, after you do you'll always love turkey sandwiches.