Disclaimer: I do not own the Cliffhangers, Peter, or Hannah. The new characters are my own creation.
Point of Hope Part III
By: SparksJSH
Shelby leaned against the doorframe and watched the other teen carefully. It was funny; she had to admit, she hadn't noticed before how much LeeAnn reminded her of herself. She folded her arms across her chest and regarded the girl critically. "See, people who run are either running to something or away from something. There's nothing up here to run to so you must be running away from something. I have to tell you, I'm going to be seriously disappointed if you are running away from us."
LeeAnn just glanced at Shelby. What did the blonde know about her? She wasn't running away from anything; she was just getting away by herself where she could lower her barriers for just a moment. But she said nothing and after several silent seconds, Shelby continued.
"You know, sometimes you just have to cut loose. Scream at people, tell people off, somehow show that you are alive. You can't just bottle everything up."
In that instant LeeAnn saw a whole new side to Shelby. Gone was the petulant troublemaker and in her place was a troubled teen who was battling her own set of demons. Maybe even some of the same demons that LeeAnn was fighting. LeeAnn forced a wan smile. Shelby's attitude was as much a defense as was her silence.
"That's what I was going to do."
Shelby exaggerated her amazement at the other girl's proclamation. "She can speak a whole sentence at one time. I'm amazed. So what's the deal with the silent treatment?"
LeeAnn looked down. She couldn't believe she was opening herself up to this stranger. Finally she looked at Shelby. "It's the only way I can protect myself."
Shelby watched her carefully. "You are safe here. Peter prides himself on the fact that nobody can hurt us while we're here."
A single tear fell from LeeAnn's eyes. She didn't bother to wipe it away even though she knew it was just another crack in the protective wall she'd surrounded herself in. "People aren't the only things that can hurt you. Shelby, you said earlier that that you were happiest when you were in control. My silence keeps me in control. But right now, I'm about to lose complete control and if I do that in front of anyone, I may never get that control back. If that happens, I'll lose my mind."
Understanding the smaller girl more and more, Shelby nodded. "So you are going to pop the cork on your bottle of emotions. Release enough steam so that you can once again withdraw into your world of silence. I guess when you get back it will be like this conversation never happened. So what are you waiting for? Go let off your steam. But I'm warning you, if you aren't back in an hour, I'm ratting you out."
Without another word, LeeAnn was gone. Shelby watched her leave. She couldn't help but wonder what had happened to the girl. It had to be something terrible if the only way LeeAnn felt she could keep control was to retreat behind a wall of silence. She shrugged. They all had their defense mechanisms; who was she to judge?
************
Taking advantage of Shelby's niceness, LeeAnn took off into the night. She stopped in a clearing in the woods far enough away from all the cabins that no one could hear him. She leaned against a tree and allowed the loud emotion-filled sobs she'd been repressing all day to burst out. Why here? Of all the places in the whole world for Addison to bring them, why did it have to be to the woods?
Slumping down the base of the tree LeeAnn looked at the mountain Peter had pointed out earlier that day. In a matter of hours both groups would be donning backpacks and heading off to conquer that mountain. All afternoon she'd listened to Mindy moan and groan about how hard such a quest was going to be. LeeAnn, however, had no qualms about the physical effort that would be required to make it through the next two days. For years she'd spent weeks at a time doing the very things Peter had spent the afternoon showing them. She could do most of it with her eyes closed.
But as her body began to shake from the memories of those past trips that were assaulting her, LeeAnn realized she was dreading the next two days worse than Mindy was. If her grip on her barriers as this tenuous before they actually started, how would she maintain her sanity once they were in the woods? LeeAnn brushed her tears away. There was no way around it; she'd have to leave.
Then she groaned. Shelby had only given her an hour reprieve. There was no way she could get far enough away in that time. Besides, where would she go? Life at Point of Hope may not be ideas but at least Addison and Donna hadn't pressured her into talking about her past. She couldn't leave but she couldn't go with the others in the morning either. What other options did she have?
She could go to Addison and break her silence. She could beg him not to make her go. Knowing Addison, if she did beg just right, he wouldn't force her to go. Unfortunately he would take her speaking as a sign that she was ready to open up about what had happened to her. Nothing could be further from the truth. No, the only way she could get out of this trip would be if she were physically unable to attend.
Addison would never buy a sudden illness if she faked one. He would see right past it and it was too much to hope that she would suddenly contract a serious ailment in the course of a few hours no matter how much she hoped. But if she couldn't walk for some reason…
LeeAnn glanced down at her legs. She bit her lip. She'd had broken bones before. For years pain had been an all too familiar companion. What was one more broken bone if it kept her off that mountain? With the moonlight as her only guide, LeeAnn found a nice size rock. The weight felt oddly comforting in her hands. Raising it high above her head, she didn't take the time to wonder if she could really use it to hurt herself. Her eyes closed tightly and with held breath, she prepared to bring the rock down on her left leg with all her might.
But before she could bring herself to bash the rock against her leg, a slender hand grabbed her wrist tightly, immobilizing her. Opening her eyes she could see Hannah kneeling beside her, her face full of concern. "This is not the answer, LeeAnn. No matter what the problem or how bad the pain, hurting yourself is not the answer."
LeeAnn, as usual, said nothing. She wondered, however, if Shelby had ratted on her anyway. But she quickly dismissed the notion. The familiar look of shared pain she'd seen in Shelby's eyes had been too real. Hannah must have seen or heard her as she entered the woods.
Hannah sighed. She wanted to understand this girl, wanted to help her. But how could she; how could anyone; without knowing what caused the poor girl's pain? And how could they know that unless she opened up to them. "LeeAnn, did something happen in the dorm? Did someone say something to upset you?"
Saying nothing, LeeAnn shook her head. The only thing upsetting her right now was the memories of the past and the fear of what those memories would do to her as she completed this quest. But she couldn't admit that because such an admission would open doors to her soul and to her past that she wanted to remain locked forever.
Hannah nodded. "Good. I would hate to think our girls would do anything like that. LeeAnn, I know this quest stuff sounds scary but give it a try. You might find you actually like the great outdoors."
A memory flashed unbidden to LeeAnn's mind. A memory of a small eight year old girl crouched at the edge of a camp holding her breath as a fawn slipped across the trail into the woods on wobbly legs as it followed its beautiful, majestic mother. Only after both dear were out of sight did the little girl dare to breathe again. With a grin, she looked up at the woman beside her.
"Mom, did you see that?"
"I did, my precious angel. This is what I love about coming here. Seeing nature in all its beautiful innocence never gets old. No matter what else happens, no matter how much I endure, this is what I look forward to ever time. This is my touchstone, my oasis from the pain."
The little girl tenderly touched the new bruise that was turning an ugly shade of purple on her mother's eye. She knew it was only a matter of time before she was sporting bruised of her own. Oh, how she wished everything was as simple as when she spent these early mornings watching nature in all its glory with her mother. No matter how many times she found herself in this situation, she never could understand how life could be so beautiful and so frightful at the same time.
"Mom?" She began, looking back to where the dear had disappeared back into the woods. "How can so much pain exist where there's so much pain?"
The woman pulled the little girl into her embrace. Tears trailed a course down her bruised cheeks. "Oh, Darling, I wish I could answer that. Most of the time I can't help but wonder how any beauty could exist among so much pain. I just know that I can look at you and know that it does."
"LeeAnn?" Hannah was hesitant to touch the girl's shoulder. She wondered where the teen's mind had just wandered off to. For a just a second, there had been such a mixture of longing and pain that it was all Hannah cold do not to take LeeAnn in her arms for a comforting hug.
LeeAnn shrugged and stood. Her chance was gone. Nothing would save her from this quest now. For better but most likely for worse, she would join Addison, Donna, Peter, Hannah, the Cliffhangers and the rest of the group from Point of Hope on a trip to commune with Mother Nature
"Okay then." Hannah knew she wasn't going to get anything out of the girl. She could only hope she wouldn't try anything else. "It's going to be morning soon enough. Why don't you come back to my room and spend the night there? There's no sense in waking up the other girls."
LeeAnn simply nodded. She knew when she was beat. She knew Hannah's suggestion had more to do with a desire to watch her rather than with concern for the other girls. But it wasn't worth the trouble of arguing. She looked back once more at the mountain. With a growing dread, she though about her last trip to the mountains. Had it only been a little more than three months ago? Her dreams were still haunted by the three deaths she'd witnessed on that mountain. She could only shudder to think what nightmares would face her on this mountain.