Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King is copyrighted to Warned Brothers and Shoot the Moon Production. No infringement is intended. This story is copyrighted to the author and may not be used without permission.
Lyrics quoted in this section are written by Jim Steinman and performed by MEATLOAF, the song is "Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through" No copyright infringement intended.
Synopsis: Amanda is attacked in a random act of violence that has repercussions for the entire family.
Warning: Graphic violence against women is implied. Proceed at your own discretion.
Author notes: Feedback is welcome, but if you hate this story and have to trash it, please do so in a private Email to the author. I am open to discussion. This is a hard topic to read about but it touches one in every four women. Thanks to Beth for her Beta reading and support. Thanks to everyone for their feedback from the previous stories. I have incorporated some of the suggestions to make things clearer.
There will be more stories dealing with the repercussions. Stay tuned.
Part 9
Lee fled to Billy's office in despair. He filled his superior in on the events of the previous afternoon with the police, on Amanda's strange behavior at the hospital and her story of the attack. Even more disconcerting was her attitude this morning.
"Billy, she acts like nothing has happened," Lee shouted in frustration, pacing Billy's office like a caged animal. "What the hell am I going to do? I wish, dear God," he said in a prayerful tone, "how I wish I could just let her block it all out and get on with life. I'd give anything to not have to put her through reliving that nightmare."
"I know, Scarecrow, I know." Billy put his hand on the younger agent's shoulder in comfort. "But we both know that wouldn't be good for her.. or you or her family. Things like this can't be swept under the rug, no matter how much we'd like to do so. It WILL come back sometime later, usually at the worst possible moment. Amanda can't even think of going back out in the field until this is resolved."
Billy sighed, reflecting on the directive he had received this morning from Internal Affairs. "Lee, there's more."
"Well, isn't there always," Lee, said sarcastically. "Now what? Wait, I bet I know. It's Internal Affairs. Now they want to stick their two cents into the business. Am I right?" he demanded.
"Yes, you are officially on suspension, pending the outcome of the Arlington PD investigation. I'm sorry, Scarecrow. The papers were on my desk this morning when I arrived."
"That's just great. " Lee's hand clenched into a fist and he looked as if he was looking for something to hit. Billy stepped out of reach and threw a pillow at Lee. Reflexively catching the pillow, Lee looked at Billy with a question on his face. Then, sheepishly, he put the pillow gently back in place on the sofa and laughed.
"I guess I deserved that. Sorry, Billy. It's just so hard to deal with this. I mean, it would be hard enough to help Amanda but at least we would be going through it together. Now, she's in denial and I don't know how to reach her. On top of all that, I'm suspended." He sat on the sofa with a thump and buried his hands in his head.
"Scarecrow, it's even worse. What if Arlington PD doesn't buy your version and Amanda doesn't regain her memory? Remember, we didn't let CSI take any samples. It's your word against hers. Francine and I didn't see the attack, you know."
"I know" Lee groaned. "Believe me, I know." He buried his face in his hands, unable to keep the emotions pent in any longer.
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Billy left the room to allow him some private time, waiting outside the door to the office. He saw Francine enter the bullpen and waved her over to him. Knocking lightly on the door, they entered to find Lee in the same position, only with tracks of tears on his face. He brushed them aside as Francine and Billy entered.
"Lee," Francine began speaking. "I can't tell you how sorry I am about last night. Is there anything I can do for you or Amanda?"
"Yeah, Francine, there is something. When you went with her in the ambulance, did she say anything, anything at all?" Lee asked hopefully.
Francine looked at Scarecrow with pity in her eyes. She hated to be the one to tell him, seeing his obvious distress but he did have a right to know. "Yes, Lee, she did," she replied softly, looking at the floor.
"Francine, please, I have to know. What did she say?" Lee pleaded.
"I asked her...You know.. How far along he had gotten." The sudden silence in the room was deafening. Billy made sure the door was securely locked. Lee stood frozen in place; hope warring with fear playing across his face.
"And?" Lee asked softly, almost afraid to hear. "Could she answer you? Francine, what did she say?"
Francine lifted her eyes to her dear friend, tears streaming down her face, and repeated what Amanda's answer had been. Scarecrow sunk deeper on the sofa, limply as if he was indeed made out of straw and the stuffing had been pulled out leaving behind an empty shell of a man.
Francine turned to Billy for comfort and he put both arms around her, holding her close as they grieved for Amanda and Lee's pain.
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After some time had passed, the trio found their voices again and began planning how best to resolve the problem. Billy called Dr. Phaff down to meet with them and Lee filled them in on Amanda's version of the events and her even stranger behavior this morning.
"It's like she has just forgotten the attack ever happened." He concluded in a weary tone of voice. "She's up there, as bright and perky as ever, filled with energy and cleaning."
"Sounds like she has totally blocked the whole incident. I see this often with certain types of trauma but Amanda doesn't strike me as being the type to cave in so easily. Unless…" he paused looking over at Lee. "Has she ever mentioned anything like this happening to her in the past?"
"No, never. She's always seemed well adjusted in that department, if you know what I mean." Lee smiled for the first time that day, remembering just how adjusted she was. "I think she would have mentioned somewhere in the past few years, don't you?"
"Not necessarily, Lee. Sometimes people block this kind of thing out and live their life as if it had never happened. Or they can rationalize it away, making themselves believe that it wasn't really as bad as it seemed. It's amazing; really, the mind games people can play on themselves. But sometimes, in fact, most times, something will bring it to their mind and they either break down for a while or completely block the whole thing and become a different person."
"But, Dr. Phaff, wouldn't this type of thing have shown up in the psyche profiles you conduct in screening?" Billy asked.
"As I said, not necessarily. I think we need to give Amanda some time. Maybe with support, she will break through this barrier on her own. I'll talk to her this afternoon and see where it goes."
"In the interim, Francine, I need you to go with Lee to Internal Affairs and give a statement. Then get down to Arlington PD and give them a statement, too. We need to put this to rest. I wish now that I had let the CSI take the swabs. That would be proof positive of what really happened."
"Don't blame yourself, Billy," Francine said. "We all wanted to spare Amanda that experience."
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Lee went back to the Q Bureau to take his wife to lunch. He and Francine had spent what remained of the morning with the Internal Affairs ghouls trying to get Lee off of suspension. The IA had agreed to allow him to continue working on administrative matters while the case with Arlington PD was being resolved. Neither he nor Amanda was allowed in the field until they both received a clearance with Dr. Phaff's office. Francine was going to talk to Detective Castleberry later that afternoon and they hoped the matter would end after her statement.
"Amanda, " Lee called out as he unlocked the door." Sweetheart, I'm starving, want to head out to Emilio's for a quick lunch?"
Amanda's head popped out of the vault as she heard him speaking. "That would be great. I am so sore. I guess these bones are getting too old to sit in the same position so long at a stretch." She exited the vault, bending and stretching as she cross the room to her husband.
Lee was silent, knowing why she was so stiff, but unable to respond to her in her current state of mind. She reached up and kissed him on the lips. "Hummm, you taste salty. Have you been in Beaman's peanuts again? Lee, you are going to ruin that boyish figure if you keep snacking like that. How many times have I told you? "
"If you eat a good breakfast, then you'll have enough energy to last until lunch," He joined her as she recited the mantra he'd heard her repeat often in the last years.
Swatting his butt for being sassy, Amanda retrieved her purse from the desk drawer and looked expectantly at Lee.
"Well, are you coming?" Lee quickly crossed the room and opened the door, ushering her out with a wave of his hand. Locking the door behind them, the couple headed down stairs past a somber Mrs. Marsten.
Amanda smiled brightly at her as they exited the building. "Lee, what's wrong with her?" Amanda asked.
"Huh? What makes you think anything is wrong?"
"Well, I haven't seen her look so upset with us since we, uh, well, you remember, the day we made a little too much noise upstairs and she came rushing up with the gun only to catch us," Amanda paused, face turning red. "Well, you know."
Lee broke out in a huge grin. Oh, yes, he remembered that day. Once Mrs. Marsten got over the shock of her discovery she had given them a lecture like the schoolmistress she resembled. She never made an official report of that incident though.
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Part 10
The Stetson's returned to IFF after an oddly tense lunch. Amanda in a provocative mood was more than he could take right now. He had spent the time trying to make small talk like she was a stranger and he knew that Amanda was puzzled by his behavior. Usually they would have gone back to the house for a little R&R when she was in this mood. Amanda spent lunch dropping subtle hints about what she wanted to spend the afternoon doing. When that didn't work, the hints became less subtle with Lee trying to ignore them. By the end of lunch she was mad at him and Lee was going crazy.
Lee walked with Amanda up to Dr. Phaff's office and left her for her appointment. He returned to the Q Bureau and sat lost in thought, considering what Dr. Phaff had said that morning in Billy's office. Reaching for the phone, he put in a call to Joe King's office.
"I'm sorry. Mr. King is out of town. I expect him back at the end of the week. May I take a message?" Since this wasn't an emergency concerning his sons, the assistant refused to give Lee a contact number even though Lee knew full well that Joe always left one. Lee didn't think a message about Amanda's attack was a good idea .He simply asked to have Joe call his ex-wife's husband when he returned.
His next call was to Dotty but she had never heard Amanda mention anything in the past and was as mystified as Lee about her behavior. Lee was startled when the intercom phone rang. Mrs. Marsten was calling him. He had a visitor.
Lee went down the stairs slowly, hoping it wasn't Detective Castleberry coming to take him away for manslaughter. Instead he saw Phillip, standing uncertainly, staring out the window. Lee signed him in and putting a "Visitor" badge on his shirt, led Phillip up to the office.
"So, Phillip, what gives? Aren't you supposed to be in class at this time of day? How did you get here, anyway?" Lee felt a bit ill at ease. The boy's had been to visit IFF once before with Dotty after he and Amanda had come clean with everyone about their marriage. But he had never come by before in the middle of the day. Lee was afraid he knew what this was about but he didn't have any answers.
"Where's Mom?" he asked, looking around at the innocent room. "Is this her desk?" he sat in Amanda's chair and began to twirl like a little boy. "So, where's all that super secret spy stuff, huh?"
"Yes, that is your Mom's desk, she is with the doctor and we don't keep super secret spy stuff in public and PLEASE, stop spinning. You're making me dizzy." Lee took a deep breath. "SO, Phillip, why are you cutting school to come here and make me crazy?" Lee regretted those last words as soon as they left his mouth. He saw Phillip draw in on himself as he continued to spin in Amanda's chair. Softening his tone, Lee went on, trying to salvage the situation. "Phillip? Phillip, answer me please. Your Mom is not going to be happy when she finds you skipping school." Lee felt ill at easy about questioning Phillip in this area. Amanda always handled these matters.
"Mom's shouldn't be happy anyway, ya know? Not after, well." Phillip faltered but went on." Not after what happened the other night. Shouldn't she be, you know, more upset? She acts like the whole thing is just a minor mugging. You TOLD us that it was much worse. So, I guess what I need to know is," Phillip took a deep breath. " Who's telling the truth?" He stopped spinning and stared at Lee, begging him to answer.
Lee stopped breathing for a moment. He had not thought about how the boys would deal with Amanda's denial. Had not realized that it would cause them to doubt either him or their mother's word. They had taken the news so maturely that Lee, locked in his own pain, had been relieved at their reactions. He paused to consider his answer but Phillip went on without waiting.
"It's my fault, you know." He said calmly. "If I had been there, she'd be OK. We'd have changed the tire together and nothing would have happened. I should have stayed with her."
Lee was stunned again. He never dreamed that Phillip would feel responsible for the attack. 'Why not, Stetson?' chimed his demons. 'After all, you couldn't protect her, and neither could her son. Why shouldn't he feel the same way you do? Guilty, guilty, guilty!!' The demons laughed hysterically as they chanted in his brain. Lee ran his hand through his hair, distractedly, searching for words.
"Phillip, son," Lee crossed the room and put his hands on Phillip's shoulders, stopping the spinning chair in the process. "What happened to your Mom was no one's fault. It was a random act of violence. It could happen to anyone, anywhere."
In voicing those word's Lee felt a great relief as his demons screamed and fled, knowing, for the moment, that rational thought had prevailed for Lee. He would no longer whip himself over his failure to protect Amanda. Now he had to help Phillip overcome those same doubts.
Phillip shook off his hands and stood up, crossing to the window to look out. "Lee, you don't understand. I was the reason she had her own car at the concert. I was the one who left her there to drive home alone. If I had stayed to help her clean up…" his voice broke and Lee knew he was on the verge of tears. Respecting his need for distance, Lee stayed by Amanda's desk, fiddling with the small vase she usually filled with flowers from the garden.
"I should have stayed with her," Phillip went on. "I wanted so much to practice driving and I knew that Mom wouldn't let me drive home that late. I convinced Grandma to let me drive. She covered her eyes the whole way home and Jamie ragged me so bad. If I had just stayed with her…" Phillip broke down in sobs at that point. Lee crossed the room and took him in his arms. Phillip wept noisily for a few minutes and then struggled to pull himself back together. Phillip shrugged away and Lee silently handed him the box of tissues from his Mom's desk.
"Phillip, listen to me." Lee tried to put certainty in his voice. "Your Mom is a good agent, she's had lots of training in unarmed combat. We spar together and sometimes she can beat me. And I am pretty good, you know." Sensing that he had Phillip's attention, Lee went on." We have worked together for a lot of years. Your Mom has great instincts. They have saved her life and mine on more occasions than I can tell you about. If she couldn't get away from this guy, it wasn't from lack of trying. There must not have been room to fight back. Believe me, Phillip, your Mom is one tough cookie. She put up a hell of a fight and she stayed alive. That's the important thing."
Phillip was silent, considering what Lee had told him. "But if I had been with her.." he began again but Lee silenced him with a gesture.
"If you had been there, he might have used you against her, to force her to cooperate with him. How would you feel then?"
"Lee, what will happen to that guy? I mean, will Mom have to testify against him in court? Is he in jail?"
Lee realized then that he had not told Phillip and Jamie about his actions. When he told them about their Mother's attack, the trauma was too fresh and they had not asked. Now, he had to admit his action.
"Phillip, no, your Mom won't have to face him."
"Why not?" demanded Phillip. "You didn't let him get away, did you?"
"No, he didn't get away. He's dead."
"You shot him?" Phillip asked in awe. Even though he knew Lee was a crack shot, Phillip was shocked that he would cold bloodily kill the attacker. Maim him, Phillip could understand, but not to kill him.
Lee squirmed under his stepson's gaze. "No, I didn't shoot him. I pulled him off your mother and I …I lost control." It was Lee's turn to look away. " I beat him to death" he whispered.
Phillip was stunned. He knew how much Lee loved his mother and that he would die to protect her. He couldn't comprehend that Lee would kill for her. Silence filled the room, neither male willing to share his feeling with the other.
"I wish you hadn't done that," Phillip finally spoke. "I wish he was here in front of me so I could carve him into little pieces for what he did to her. I want to hurt him, I want to punish him, I want to be the one to kill him"
Phillip's monotone as he said this scared Lee. He hadn't realized that Phillip was so angry and bitter towards the man who attacked his mother. Knowing that this was not a good sign, Lee searched for a way to help his stepson. "Phillip," he began but the teenager swung around to face Lee, his eyes filled with fury and tears.
"I hate him!!" Phillip cried out. "And I hate myself!"
While Lee stood in shocked silence, Phillip turned and ran from the room. Lee shook himself and gave chase but Phillip was disappearing down the street as he reached the front door.
Lee returned to the building to see Mrs. Marsten shaking her head as she retrieved Phillip's "Visitor" badge from where it landed as Phillip threw it at her on his way out.
"Scarecrow, you need to get that boy some help," she said. "He's blaming himself, isn't he?" Mrs. Marsten had been at the concert and had heard about Amanda's attack. She had a good idea why Phillip was acting so strangely.
Lee's shoulders slumped as he approached her desk. "Yeah, he is. And so was I until I tried to explain to him why it wasn't his fault. Suddenly, I could forgive myself for not being there but Phillip, well, like you said. He's going to need some more help, I'm afraid." He and Mrs. Marsten had become close in the past years as Lee mellowed under Amanda's influence.
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Those words echoed in Dr. Phaff's office later that afternoon as Scarecrow relayed the events of the afternoon and his reactions to them. Dr. Phaff just listened as Lee poured out all his anger, his despair at not being in time to save Amanda. Lee unloaded a lot of baggage that he didn't even realize he was hoarding until the words came out. His anger at his parents for leaving him, the guilt he felt because he had not been able to save them, even though he was a child at the time. He still fought with the unreasoning sense that it was somehow his fault that they had left him. This was the first time that Lee had ever allowed anyone to listen to his pain besides Amanda and he unconsciously had been shielding her from some things that were buried deep inside.
Dr. Phaff was impressed that Lee was able to work so much out for himself. It was good that he could deal so well with Amanda's attack. The doctor knew that Lee would be able to forgive himself because Amanda would undoubtedly forgive him when she had worked though her own pain and guilt. The doctor was worried about Phillip's reaction. He knew how children could blame themselves for things and it sounded like Phillip had a bad case of guilt. He made a note to contact the boy's school counselor to alert them to the situation. Before Lee left his office, Dr. Phaff had him sign a consent form to discuss the information with the necessary people.
His meeting with Amanda that afternoon had not gone well. She still maintained that Lee had arrived in time to prevent anything more that a roughing up by the attacker. She had no idea that the man was dead, killed by her husband. How could she even start to deal with Phillip's reaction when she couldn't even face the truth herself? Dr. Phaff planned to keep working with her in hopes that very soon she would be able to work past the blocks in her mind. Until that occurred however he wouldn't be able to help her.
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Lee returned to the Q Bureau to collect Amanda and return home. She was her normal chatty self and Lee couldn't bear to tell her about Phillip's visit that afternoon. He hoped that she would soon deal with her own pain and he could look for help with Phillip.
Dotty had cooked dinner for the family and stayed to eat with them Phillip picked at his food and asked to be excused early. Amanda crossed to him and felt his forehead.
"I hope you're not coming down with something, sweetie. Why don't you just go on up and have an early night? I'll be up later to check on you."
Phillip rose and left the table as Jamie helped himself to the extra serving of Lasagna left by Phillip's lack of appetite. Lee caught Dotty's eye and, taking the hint, the two of them rose and began to clear the table.
"Amanda," said Dotty. "Why don't you go take a nice hot bath? It will help you relax."
"Oh, that sounds like a good idea. I am still stiff." Amanda went upstairs to comply. Jamie, having finished his dinner, requested permission to go out and shoot some hoops with his friends down the street.
He left the house and Dotty turned to Lee, a questioning look on her face. Lee caught her up with the events of the day. With a deep sigh, Dotty shook her head when told about Phillip's reaction. Assuring Lee that she was just a phone call away if he needed her, Dotty left for her own home.
The Stetson household settled in for the evening and the still night air was punctuated only by the gentle breeze blowing in the windows.
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Part 11
Lee awoke to the sound of Amanda's screams. Jumping out of bed, he searched for his wife, finding her cowering in the corner by the window. He ran to her and tried to take her in his arms, words flowing out of his mouth as he tried to break through her nightmare to assure her that she was safe. Amanda scampered away as he approached, her screams quieting to whimpers as she tried to avoid him. There was pounding on the bedroom door. Lee crossed over and opened it to see Phillip and Jamie's anxious faces. He opened his mouth to reassure them that it was a nightmare but was interrupted by a piercing shriek from Amanda.
Turning around, Lee saw that she was shaking violently, her hands over her eyes and she muttered something he could not make out from that distance. He and the boys crossed the room to comfort her. They were all talking at once in an effort to reach her. She continued to move away from them. Lee finally got close enough to reach out for her and try to take her in his arms. She screamed again, lashing out at him with all her might. Startled, he let go as she dashed into the master bath, slamming the door behind her and locking it. They could hear her calling out "Joe, Joe, help me. Oh, God, there are three of them, please help me." Her cries softened until all they could hear was sobbing and calls for her ex-husband. No amount of coaxing would draw her out. Jamie grabbed the phone and called his father. Finding that Joe was not home, Jamie called his grandmother.
When Dotty arrived a few minutes later, Lee told her what had happened. He and the boys hovered around, unsure of what to do in this situation. Dotty was as mystified as they were but went up to the bedroom to talk to her daughter, cautioning Lee and the boys to stay out of sight.
"Amanda? Amanda, honey, it's Mother, come on out, baby. I'm here." After several minutes of soft reassurance from Dotty, Amanda unlocked the door and emerged, looking very shaken. Dotty took Amanda in her arms and comforted her until the shaking stopped.
"I'm sorry to be late getting home, Mother." Amanda began." I was studying late and lost track of time. Then on the way home, I met the nicest young man. He walked me home because he said it isn't safe for a beautiful girl like me to be out late by myself. Isn't that sweet? And he thinks I'm beautiful."
Amanda got a dreamy look in her eyes and Dotty took the opportunity to turn to Lee, hovering just out of sight and shake her head. She had no idea what was going on. With gentle word's Dotty coaxed her confused daughter back in bed and tucked her in.
Leaving the door ajar, Dotty went downstairs to talk to her son-in-law and grandsons. "I have no idea," she replied to Lee's question about what was happening. "I don't remember anything like this happening. I know she met Joe walking home from studying late but they were both living on campus at the time. Maybe we should ask him."
"I tried to call him, Grandma. But Carrie said he wouldn't be home until tomorrow sometime. She won't give me his phone number. She said 'It's too late to disturb him' " said Jamie. Feeling defensive as the group turned to look at him, Jamie went on. "Well, Mom was screaming for Dad, so I thought he could help. But Carrie hung up before I could explain. I think I woke up the baby."
"Good thought, Jamie." Lee ran his hand through his hair. "I already knew your dad was out of town. I tried to reach him earlier today. I thought he might be able to shed some light on Amanda's behavior as well."
"Well, I guess we can't do anything more tonight. Let's try to get some sleep," he went on, looking around at his family. "Hey, guys, we'll get through this, I promise. Your Mom is one tough lady. She'll be OK." Jamie looked relieved but Phillip refused to meet Lee's gaze and turning, left the room without another word. Jamie followed his brother back upstairs to try to get some sleep before school.
Lee and Dotty looked at each other, concerned about Phillip's reaction but unable to do anything at the moment. Lee got pillows and a blanket to make a bed on the couch. He didn't want to trigger anything else in Amanda's mind so he decided to sleep downstairs and let her mother be close by for the night. Dotty went up to the guest room and they both settled in for another sleepless night.
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The next morning dawned with the promise of a beautiful day. The Stetson household slept on, oblivious to the sun rising and the call of the birds in the trees. Amanda woke to find herself alone in bed and the house quiet. She thought that everyone had left and allowed her to sleep in. As she headed downstairs for a cup of coffee, Amanda saw her mother in the guest room, still sleeping.
Opening the boy's room, she saw that Jamie was still in bed, but Phillip was gone. Shaking Jamie to wake him, Amanda went down the stairs to find Lee asleep on the couch. She shook him as well and went into the kitchen to make coffee. The clock on the wall read 8:45. They were all running behind.
Amanda began making breakfast, calling out to her family to hurry up. They were all going to be late. As they made their way into the kitchen Lee, Jamie and Dotty were confounded to see Amanda acting as if nothing had happened the night before. The three looked at each other and came to an agreement to keep silent.
Jamie hurried and ate, Dotty promised to check him into school late on her way home. Lee helped Amanda clean the kitchen and went up to shower. As he emerged from the shower wearing just a towel, Amanda was entering the room.
"Umm, what a sight to walk in on." Amanda crossed the room and put her arms around Lee. "Hey, big fella, wanna make a woman very happy?"
Lee choked at her words. Unsure what was going on, he stepped away from her embrace and turned to pull his clothes out of the chest.
Amanda followed him, taking the clothes out of his hands and throwing them back in the drawer. "What's your hurry? We're alone in the house. Didn't you say Billy had given us some time off?"
She began nibbling his chest and caressing his back. Lee's hand's moved to return her caresses. She still set him aflame with just a touch, a look. An Amanda intent on seducing him was very hard to resist. He fought to keep himself from giving in but when she stood on tiptoe and brought her lips to his, Lee was lost. He wanted, no, needed, to seek comfort in making love to his wife. He returned her kiss with gentleness, tracing the outline of her mouth with his tongue as she pressed her body to his, leaving no doubt as to what she wanted. As his tongue encountered the healing tear at the edge of her mouth, Lee drew back. Catching her wandering hands in his, Lee used them to move her away from himself. Physical intimacy alone would not work to heal this wound. He couldn't do this to her.
"Amanda," Lee's voice was rough with emotion and he forced himself to speak." Amanda, I can't do this right now. I'm sorry, honey. I'll make it up to you, later."
Lee heard Amanda 's sigh of disappointment and she huffed out of the room. Lee knew she was confused as to why he was resisting her advances, both this morning and yesterday at lunch. He continued to dress, shaking his head. Lee wondered if this could get any worse.
Amanda exited the bathroom to get ready for the day, pointedly ignoring Lee. He sat heavily in the chair by the door. What was going on? Vowing that he would get to the bottom of this mystery, Lee finished dressing and went downstairs to check in with Billy and Dr. Phaff.
Dr. Phaff was very disturbed to hear about the nightmare episode and Amanda's statement that "there are three of them." He agreed that Lee did the right thing in resisting Amanda's overtures that morning and wanted to meet with Lee, Amanda and Joe King as soon as possible.
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Lee wanted to make up to Amanda for his actions and volunteered to go on a shopping trip for winter clothes for Phillip and Jamie. There were some basic things the two of them could buy without the boys being along. They also began looking for Christmas presents, even though that event was still several months away. Making a quick stop at the grocery store was the last item on the list. Amanda had recovered from her sulks and walking through the dairy aisle, she picked up a can of whipped cream and shook it teasingly in front of Lee. They both burst into laughter at the memories it evoked and Amanda put it in the cart. Lee sobered quickly, wondering if he was ever going to be able to have those kinds of memories with Amanda again.
When they got home, Amanda put the groceries away while Lee checked the answering machine. There was a message from Joe that he was back in town and wanting to know what was going on that Jamie had to call his home in the middle of the night! Lee went upstairs and called him back, giving Joe a quick review of the previous week. Joe agreed to meet them at the Agency to see Dr. Phaff.
As Lee called up to Amanda that they needed to leave for the Agency, there was a knock on the door. Lee opened it to find King Eddie standing on his doorstep with a bouquet of flowers.
"Mind if I come in," he asked. Lee motioned him to enter, wondering what was going on.
"Hey, man, I talked to Billy Blue Note and he told me some of what happened. Lee, I am so sorry. How is your beautiful wife? These are for her," he said handing the flowers to Lee.
Seeing Amanda descending the stairs, Lee motioned to their visitor, unsure of what to say. Amanda held her hand out to the King and greeted him before taking the flowers from Lee's hands and going into the kitchen to put them in a vase.
Lee took the time she was out of the room to give King Eddie a brief rundown on how Amanda was dealing with the situation. King Eddie nodded his understanding, clasping Lee on the shoulder and shaking his head at the news. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a cassette tape, which he handed to Lee.
Speaking quietly he said, "Then I hope this will help you to deal with your pain. It's a little song a friend and I have been working on. And I think it will give you strength in the coming days."
Amanda returned from the kitchen bearing the flowers. King Eddie thanked her for all the hard work on the benefit and excused himself.
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Lee and Amanda were on their way to work when Amanda asked what the King had given him that he'd put in his pocket. She fished it out over his protest and popped it into the cassette player. Music flowed from the speaker and they sat in silence, listening to the words.
'You can't run away forever, but there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.
You want to shut out the night, you want to shut down the sun, you want to shut away the pieces of a broken heart.
Think of how we lay down together, we'd be listening to the radio so loud and so strong, every golden nugget coming like a gift of the gods. Someone must have blessed us when he gave us those songs.
(Chorus)
I treasure your love, I never want to lose it,
You've been through the fires of hell and I know you've got the ashes to prove it.
I treasure your love, I want to show you how to use it.
You've been through a lot of pain in the dirt and I know you've got the scars to prove it.
Remember everything that I told you, and I'm telling you again that it's true.
When you're alone and afraid, and you're completely amazed to find there's nothing anybody can do.
KEEP ON BELIEVING…, and you'll discover, baby.
There's always something magic, there's always something new. And when you really really need it the most: That's when Rock and Roll dreams come true. The beat is yours forever, the beat is always true. And when you really really need it the most, That's when Rock and Roll dreams come through for you.'
As the music continued, Lee contemplated the words. It was as if King Eddie knew what he was going through and directed those words to his heart. There was only music and the chorus repeating until the end of the song. Lee felt a renewed sense of peace as he realized that this was King Eddie's way of telling him and Amanda that everything would work out. Music played a large part in Eddie's life and he used it very effectively.
"That's lovely," Amanda commented. " You know, I really think it could apply to us. You've been through those fires and I will always be here for you." Amanda took his hand in hers and brought it to her lips, giving it a gentle kiss.
Lee fought to stay in control. Here she was reaching out to comfort him when by all rights she was the one in need of comfort. She was the one running away from life but she had blocked out that pain. Lee knew that he had to break through her barriers in order for her to heal. His heart ached for the pain that she would have to endure but he knew that he would always be there for her. She was his treasure.
Part 11
When they entered Dr. Phaff's office, Joe was waiting for them. Amanda looked at Lee with a question on her face. He just shook his head as he guided her to a seat on the couch and sat next to her.
Nodding a hello to Joe, Amanda was surprised to see the strain on his face. A sudden thought made her pale and she spoke as she jumped to her feet. "Joe, is there something wrong with one of the boys?"
The men surrounding her shook their heads and quickly assured her that, as far as they knew, both Phillip and Jamie were fine and in class.
Amanda crossed her arms over her chest and fixed all three of them with an evil gaze as she tapped her foot. "Then what is going on?" she demanded.
Lee pulled her back to sit beside him but she remained stiff. Lee looked imploringly at the doctor who cleared his throat.
"Amanda, what day is it?" he asked.
"Friday, of course. Now what's going on?"
"Please, be patient, I'll tell you in a few minutes. Now, what happened last Tuesday night?"
"There was the benefit concert at the local theater for the Arts program. Phillip played with the jazz trio. He was so good, Joe," she said, turning to her ex-husband. "I wish you had been there."
"And after the concert, then what?" the doctor continued to probe.
"Well, I helped clean up the place and went home," Amanda began to falter. "But..but..Is there something I don't remember?"
Lee took her hand and began to stroke her palm. Amanda turned to him. "Lee, what's going on?" she begged him to tell her. "And how is Joe involved?" She turned her anguished gaze on Joe who couldn't meet her eyes.
"Amanda, how did you meet your ex-husband?" Dr. Phaff went on.
"We met in college," she said.
"But how, exactly, did you meet him? Do you remember?"
"Well, I guess it was through friends, one day I just started seeing him around and we started to go out," was Amanda's answer.
Dr. Phaff turned to Joe. "Will you tell us how you and Amanda met?"
"Look," Amanda had gotten to her feet again and was pacing the room. "What's that got to do with anything? It's over between us. Joe knows that and we've both moved on with our lives. What good will it do to dredge all that up now?" She was almost pleading as she paced faster and faster reminding Lee of himself when he felt helpless. Whatever the story was about the meeting, Lee would bet that it could shed some light on Amanda's current behavior. He rose and crossed to her, taking her in his arms and hugging her.
Amanda buried her face in Lee's chest and he could feel silent sobs shaking her body. Helplessly, he looked at Joe King, the man who held the answer to this secret.
Joe was shocked at Amanda's behavior. He racked his brain to remember how he had met Amanda and then it came to him in a flash. He had put the incident out of his mind, giving it little importance in his discovery of Amanda and falling in love. Neither of them had ever mentioned it again. Slowly Joe began to tell the story.
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Amanda had studied late at the library. She was hurrying back to the dorm before curfew and took a shortcut that lead by the edge of campus. As she rounded a corner there was a strange boy standing next to a cut in the fence. She tried to skirt around him but he moved to intercept her.
"Excuse me," she said trying to keep the fear out of her voice. "I'm going to be late getting back to the dorm." She moved to go around him but felt herself grabbed from behind. She opened her mouth and screamed. The boy and his companions laughed at her panic.
"Go on, scream," they taunted. "No one ever comes this way unless they are as stupid as you. Oh, boys, we are going to have a good time tonight."
Amanda froze with fear. Was this what all those self-defense classes she had weaseled out of in high school were going to teach her to deal with?
The first boy moved closer to her and put his hands on her, Amanda screamed again. He slapped her face and began to pull at her sweater.
Amanda moaned and then heard a voice from heaven.
"Hey, is everything OK back here?" A male voice sounded, coming closer with every step. "Hello, is anyone here?"
The three bullies let go of Amanda, shoving her to the ground and whispering that if she said anything they would return for her and make her pay. By the time her savior had turned the corner, Amanda was alone, sprawled on the ground. He helped her up and gathered her books. Introducing himself, Joe King offered to see her back to the dorm. At the dorm, he asked if he could see her again and they soon began dating.
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"I finally got the story of what had happened out of Amanda on the way to the dorm but then she never mentioned it again. I thought she had just decided to forget it." Joe said defensively.
"That's alright, Joe," said Dr. Phaff. "She blocked it out and probably wouldn't have known what you were talking about if you had brought it up. You were there when she needed you. Right now, the important thing is to deal with how this experience affects the attack last Tuesday. Joe, would you mind leaving us now?"
Joe rose and crossed to Amanda, still buried in Lee's arms. Stroking her hair, Joe muttered, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'll be here if you need me." Amanda didn't respond and Joe left.
Amanda could feel Lee's arms around her but it was as if she was wrapped in cotton wool, nothing felt real. From a distance, she heard Joe's story and felt again the terror of her younger self when she had been attacked. She had really believed that the bullies would come after her and so she made herself forget it had ever happened. She had never confronted that fear and pain. When she was attacked on the way home it all tried to come flooding back. The more time passed after the attack, the more Amanda pushed back the fear and attempted to bottle everything up again. Last night, she had awakened with a nightmare, mixing the two attacks together. When she saw Lee and the two boys in front of her it was more than her mind could take and she totally regressed into the fear of the earlier attack, calling out for the person who had saved her that time.
"Oh, Lee, I am so sorry," she said, reaching up to touch his face. "I was so confused, you must have been so hurt."
Lee shook his head as she gave him a fierce hug and looked into his eyes. Reassured by what she saw reflected there, Amanda pulled him over to the couch and sat.
"So, I guess I've really been acting wacky the last few days, huh," she questioned.
"Well, we were pretty worried about you, Amanda," Dr. Phaff told her. "Your and Lee's stories didn't match up. Francine backed up Lee's version but there was no physical evidence. Since the man …well, the CSI decided they didn't need the samples. The police still need to hear what really happened from you."
"Oh, my gosh, I told them he had just started to attack me when you arrived!" she exclaimed. "They didn't let him go, did they?"
Lee crushed her to him, the power of his hold telling her how much he wanted to protect her. Yet, he knew that she deserved to know the truth, and to hear it from him.
"Amanda, they never had him in custody," he began. Lee glanced at Dr. Phaff who nodded and Lee continued ignoring Amanda's gasp. "When I got there, he was… he was in the middle of …hurting you and I pulled him off you. I couldn't stand what that monster had done to you. I started to hit him, and hit him. I lost control and Billy had to pull me off. But it was too late. He was," Lee paused and took a deep breath, praying that his wife would understand. "He was dead. I killed him for what he did to you."
Lee hung his head, afraid to see the condemnation he expected in Amanda's eyes.
There was silence while Amanda took in the impact of Lee's words. Horror warred with relief and gave way to pity. Taking Lee's capable hand's in her two small ones, she looked at them. She saw for the first time the fading bruises and healing cuts from his act. She bestowed on each finger a kiss and turned them over to kiss his palms. Cupping his hands in her's, Amanda looked up to find Lee studying her with hope in his eyes. Pushing aside the pain she had yet to confront, Amanda gave Lee absolution for his actions.
"Lee, I'm so sorry for what you must be feeling. I'm sorry to be the cause of your pain. Please forgive me," she whispered. She gathered him in her arms and held him close.
Lee knew that everything would be better after this meeting. Amanda asking for his forgiveness tore at his heart. He should be the one on his knees, begging her forgiveness for being too late to save her. Breaking her hold on him, Lee got on his knees and matched actions to his thoughts.
Shaking her head, Amanda told him that he was always there for her. There was nothing to forgive him for; nothing that had happened was his fault. What had happened was a random act, it could happen to any woman. It was proof that even someone trained in unarmed combat is sometime unable to save herself.
Dr. Phaff listened as the two lovers explained and asked each other for forgiveness. As he had expected, Amanda's heart was open and giving, despite her recent experience. He knew that they would need more time before either of them was at peace with the events of the previous week. That is what he was there for, to help them. Amanda would need to work on dealing with her pain and fear from both attacks. He knew that it would take a while but the team of 'Scarecrow and Mrs. King' would be healed.
Remembering the actions of Phillip King, Dr. Phaff knew that he had to alert them that there could be a problem in that direction as well. They would need to keep a close eye on him and help Phillip forgive himself as well.
But for now, he left them in his office to heal together while he went to write up his notes on the case.
The End