Author's Note: This I dedicate to Little Green. Why? Because I love their page!! ^_^ And BTW, Little Green, you really don't have to ask if you want to use my Trowa fics on your page— as in this fic, the previous fics and the next fics to come! Just add them on, it's okay! ^_^ BTW...uh...enjoy?
Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions
Episode # 3
{Trowa is back—and folks, don't worry 'bout it. Trowa can't die. He won't die...I think so. But for the first part of the show, Zechs Merquise is going to take the show and ask Trowa a bunch of questions we've been ALL dying to know! ...Hmm...such as-}
Zechs: What's up with your pants?
{And...}
Zechs: What the hell is wrong with your hair?
{...Oh, and we can't forget-}
Trowa: Zechs, shut up! One question at a time! Now.
Zechs: Okay. We want to know about your pants!
Trowa: These pants were custom made!
Zechs: And?
Trowa: And what?
Zechs: What do you mean 'And what?' why are your pants sooooooooooooo tight!!??! Tell us, boy! Don't keep the audience waiting!
Trowa: These pants are my fave colour! My TRUE favourite colour.
Zechs: Violet?
Trowa: Purple!
Zechs: Same thing, you fool!
Trowa: Violet has a dark appearance and we all hate that, Purple is cool, light and bouncy for a matter of fact!
Zechs: What?
Trowa: A nursery rhyme...
Zechs: ...So, Trowa. Tell us more about this purple pant accident-
Trowa: Accident?
Zechs: Sure! Anyone who wears purple tight pants in public-- it must be an accident.
Trowa: Well...
Zechs: ...Oh, don't tell me purple, light and tight is your style!! NO!!
Trowa: I like my pants!
Zechs: *snorts*
Trowa: I LOVE MY PANTS!!
Zechs: Are you engaged with your pants too?
Trowa: Who...?
Zechs: Married? Or are they just too hideous?
Trowa: {jumps up} NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY PANTS THAT WAY!!! {lunges at Zechs}
Director: {watches them fight} ...huh? oh a commercial? But it's just getting good! I-
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{TROWA IS BACK!!}
Trowa: *sighs* Alright, welcome to the real show of Dr. Trowa's mental Sessions. Believe me. Zechs Merquise, that idiot of a man, was a mistake-- him dropping by! Now, please welcome...Zechs Merquise! ...Who the hell?! NO!!!
{Zechs walks our putting on lip gloss and wearing a large fur coat}
Trowa: Beat it, you complete fool!
Zechs: But my fans-- they need me!
Trowa: Have you a single clue what this show is called?! Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions! MY mental sessions! I'M Dr. Trowa!!
Zechs: But the fans-
Trowa: Ladies, gentlemen, sane boys, sane girls, gundam pilots and 'it's'...this is a perfect example of an mental man! ...Let's give him a round of applause!
{audience cheers}
Zechs: *sniffs* My fans...
Trowa: Now, bag him! Make sure he's never seen again!
{security comes in a puts a bag over Zechs and they take him away}
Trowa: Okay, we have only a short amount of time before the next commercial, so...let's welcome out some advisors. Some people here to tell you about something very important. Please welcome...Wufei...here to show you his justice march. Roll- wait. Why the hell is Wufei here anyway? I told you we have a short amount of time left! Wufei's gonna be babbling on for hours- days! -Months! YEARS!!! DECADES!! In other words, for a VERY LONG TIME!!!
{Wufei comes out and starts marching and singing to the tune of any tune you can fit it in!}
Wufei: Justice is around right now in many different ways!
And if you're not strong enough you'll have to die these days!
Justice is a world that has strong men, and so on!
...We will never except a bunch of very weak onnas!
JU-STICE!
The world is mine!
JU-STICE!
I'll rule it sometime!
JU-STICE!
You're all meant to die!
'Cause Wu-man owns this town, this world! The colony shall be mine!
JU-STICE!
You heard me I said, JU-STICE!
...JUSTICE!
Trowa: ...let's just take a break to dry off from the heavy rain of shame.
**********************
Trowa: I really hope this person is 1% insane. I can't handle anymore babbling about Justice!!!!! Argh! Hey did you know, insane people do the most stupidest things? Let's bring out one of our REAL insane people...please welcome back...Heero Yuy.
{Heero comes out and sits on the futon bed}
Trowa: Heero, do you still have a problem?
Heero: What do you think? Relena is stalking me! It's making me insane! I could kill at any moment.
Trowa: Let's cage you up, shall we? Security!
{Wufei marches out and starts to speak}
Trowa: *gawks* YOU are my security? Alright, then POLICE-
Wufei: No, you don't understand! I'm... a JUSTICE RANGER! {turns to the camera} To become a justice ranger call: 1-800-WUFEI ROCKS. That's 1-800-WUFEI ROCKS. ...thank you. {leaves}
Trowa: ...uh...Heero, back to your problem?
Heero: I need help, Trowa! Don't you insure HELP on this show?
Trowa: ...why no.
Heero: Then omae o korosu! Brace yourself, and run!
Trowa: JUSTICE RANGER!
{Wufei pops in as his theme song starts playing. JUSTICE!}
Wufei: Show me the injustice man!
Trowa: I only say this when I am desperate...but it's him! {points to Heero} Naturally, I'd handle this myself, but...you know...
Wufei: Heero, did you know that justice was first heard of by MY ancestors?
Heero: NO! Help me! Wufei shut up!
Wufei: I didn't tell you about how justice was first used!
Heero: OMAE O KOROSU! GET AWAY YOU JUSTICE FREAK! {Runs away}
Wufei: ...Justice freak...I like that name. Can I keep it? {runs after Heero}
Trowa: ...uh...c-c-can we be back after this?
*******************
Trowa: Uh! We are back! This show has been a disaster! Can we please lock up Zechs and Wufei? They're ruining my whole show! My ratings!! Anyhow, I won't even bother. You know who he is. You should. He's everywhere. He's stalking us. Please welcome, Duo Maxwell!
{Duo comes out and sits on the futon bed}
Trowa: Duo-
Duo: Salutations, Trowa.
Trowa: ...salu- what? I think you are mental!
Duo: No, I'm fine! I'm just taking a different approach at...living today.
Trowa: How's it going?
Duo: TERRIBLE! I met Wufei on the way here and he wouldn't shut up about justice!-
Trowa: Don't say JUSTICE out loud like that!!! The you-know-what freak could pop up any moment! ...So let's get off the topic of that. You...consider yourself to be mental?
Duo: No!
Trowa: Reported sightings talking to a slice of moldy bread...how do you plead?
Duo: Guilty, you moron! GUILTY! I don't know what you're talking about! Bread? Moldy bread? Me? I don't know what you are talking about! -SHUT UP!!! {runs out of the studio}
Trowa: ...I've had it with mental people! ROLL THE COM-
***************
{Trowa walks out on stage}
Trowa: This is the end of the show. But I have had it with mental people!! I will probably not host this show anymore!! ...so I want y'all to vote. What do you think? I should stay with another episode or two of my mental sessions or...should I hand it over to:
Treize Khu- ...uh...well.
Mariemeia Khu- ...yeah. That's Treize's daughter, or something.
Lucretzia Noin
Relena Peacecraft
Heero Yuy
Quatre Raberba Winner
Duo Maxwell
Or
Me
Myself
I
(in other words, ANYONE but Wufei! Do you want Justice to kill the world?)
What do you think? Review and tell me, and the director!- correction, the director's dead. Wufei's justice babble annoyed him to death. Uh, we will be getting a new director soon, though! *sighs* SEE WUFEI!! YOUR STUPID JUSTICE TALK KILLED MY DIRECTOR! I'LL SUE! I'LL SUE! I'LL SEND HEERO AFTER YOU! I'LL...I'll shut up now. See you all later! In the next episode, you'll see who'll host it! ...Now where's my tea? {walks off stage}
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