Author's Note: This is episode 4, after the auditions. If you are asking, why Duo is the co-host, it's because...we love seeing Trowa get ticked off, don't we? Of course we do! So enjoy! ^_~ (Includes a special interview premiere!)
Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions (with your co-host, Dr. Duo)
Episode # 4
{Trowa is lazily sitting down in his chair, still holding his clipboard and pencil} Trowa: ...hi.
Audience: WHERE'S DR. DUO?!!
Trowa: {grumbles} This is still my show, you morons!! ...anyhow, if you all want to know why I'm depressed, I'll tell you-
Audience: DUO!!!
{Duo comes parading out, as the whole audience cheers. He sits down in the chair beside Trowa} Duo: ...hey Trowa.
Trowa: ...that's reason number one. Next reason, is...before we get to any mental people on the show...we have...someone on the show...premiering their new series...'Justice Ranger', which we were forced to air...guess who it is?
Audience: WUFEI!!!
Trowa: Yes...it is.
Duo: You seem depressed, Trowa.
Trowa: ...are you deaf, or were you just numb throughout this whole discussion with the fans and me?
Duo: ...oh, no. Okay, well. Come on out...Wufei.
{Wufei walks out as the audience cheers} Wufei: Hi Trowa, Duo.
Trowa: Go away-
Duo: Be nice! Okay, Wufei. You have a new hit series out?
Wufei: Why yes. It's Justice Ranger and it's da bomb in cardboard houses all across...uh...some places... In other words, they love it! Just hear what some of the fans have to say! Go ahead, fans!
{A screen pops up as 3 people step up to speak} Person #1: Justice Ranger is the worst show in the world! It killed my little brother while he glanced at Wufei's hideous head shape!
Person #2: The plot is pathetic and no one would waste their time watching a 3.5 second show with a guy who dresses like a chef, yet can't even use a knife properly!
Person #3: Crap!
{screen fades away}
Trowa: ...my people...yes, uh, well...Wufei...it seems like they really love your show!
Duo: Yeah, I just can't...wait to see it.
Wufei: They insulted justice!!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!
Duo: Let's just premiere the...3.5 second show that everybody hated- loved...yeah.
{Wufei glares at Duo as the screen starts showing Justice Ranger}
{Theme song starts playing}
Justice is around right now in many different ways!
And if you're not strong enough you'll have to die these days!
Justice is a world that has strong men and so on
We will never except a bunch of very weak onnas!
JUSTICE!
The world is mine!
JUSTICE!
Gonna rule it sometime!
JUSTICE!
You're all meant to die!
'Cause Wu-man's gonna own this town, the colony shall be mine!
JUSTICE!
...You heard me I said, JUSTICE!
JUSTICE!
Narrator: EPISODE 1...THE MEADOW...
{show begins on a lovely meadow while two kids are jumping and sprinting through flower fields; Wufei unexpectedly jumps down}
Kid #1: Oh no! It's-
Kid #2: Justice Ranger!
Both kids: AAAAHH!!!! {start running in slow, slow, slow motion}
Wufei: {very, very, very slowly} Juuuuuuuuuussssssssttttttttiiiiiiiiccccccceeeeee! {normal speed} JUSTICE!
{Kids fall down dead}
Wufei: {smirks at the camera}
{credits start playing}
Producer: Wufei Chang
Director: Wufei Chang
Anything else: Wufei Chang
Thanks to: Wufei Chang
Special thanks to: Wufei Chang
(c) 2000 ...guess who?!
Wufei Chang
THE END!
{video stops playing and screen fades away}
Trowa: ...that sucked.
Duo: Yes it did.
{Wufei leaves}
Duo: Too bad we're gonna have to air an episode every show!!!
Trowa: And you'll be there to see it, I won't!
Director: Apparently, Trowa, you will too. Your vacation isn't until 5 years and 27 months!
Trowa: ...roll the dang commercial...
************************
Duo: Welcome back! Trowa will not be here for this segment of the show, so I'll be hosting for now. Alright, we're actually gonna get straight to the mental people. Here is…Lucretzia Noin, one of the people who are luckily not 100% mental.
{Noin walks out and sits on the futon bed}
Duo: …I'm sensing anger here…
Lucretzia: {brings out rifle and starts shooting people from the audience}
Duo: …now we only have 69 people as a studio audience. No biggie.
Lucretzia: {shoots someone else}
Duo: …make that 68…okay. What seems to be the problem?
Lucretzia: …Zechs.
Duo: …okay, can we expand that a little bit…more?
Lucretzia: I just figured out what a moron he is.
Duo: Ah! Progress!
Lucretzia: I can shoot you dead, too, if you don't shut up about this happy perspective of yours!
Duo: …You're dealing with Shinigami here, if you didn't know that. You either shut up…or I continue.
Lucretzia: {sweat-drops}
Duo: Just to let y'all know, I'm not pathetic!
Audience: WHOA!!!
Duo: Okay, next question. If you had to chose between shooting Zechs or me, who would it be and why?
Luctrezia: I'd shoot both at the same time. Why? Because you are getting annoying, and Zechs is a moron.
Duo: …a-…I don't know If I'd consider this 'progress'.
Lucretzia: {grumbles}
Duo: Roll the commercial!
*************
Trowa: I'm freshened! Ready to control another insane person. Alright! Please welcome…again…for hopefully the last time…Quatre Raberba Winner.
{Quatre sits down on the futon bed; he has a black eye}
Trowa: Ah! I see you have a black eye. Fighting against your free will again? {snickers}
Audience: Ooooooh…
Quatre: No.
Trowa: Oh…then what happened?
Quatre: Rashid told me I had a tea problem.
Trowa: So he punched you?
Quatre: No.
Trowa: Oh-
Quatre: I punched myself.
Trowa: {stares at Quatre} …you really didn't have to do that. Hire Heero, he'll do more than a good job.
Quatre: No, you don't understand. Tea is my pride and joy. And if I can't have it… {voice gets darker and angrier} …no one can. {sighs} But I don't want to fight anyone.
Trowa: Too bad, sonny! What do you think 'Gundam Wing' is about?! Sitting down and having tea with rag dolls?! No! It's about fighting! Blood shed and mobile suits, duking it out over the colony and federations! It's about dying, guts, and organs around the world! It's about putting the world in danger! It's-
Quatre: {cups his mouths; runs backstage. Barfing noises could be heard}
Trowa: …T.M.I. Too much information…we'll be back, with Duo, after this.
***********
Duo: I'm cursed. Besides being Shinigami, having my family and all loved ones killed, my Gundam massacred, my hair braided- which happens to be very pleasant, knowing Heero and Wufei, everyone running and hiding from me because I am Shinigami, not believing in God, {gasps for air} …yes. I am cursed. I have to introduce…{whispers} Relena…Peacecraft.
Audience: {gasps}
Duo: Let's get this over with…Relena, come on out…
{Relena comes out in a big puffy dress that says 'HEERO YUY' everywhere} Relena: You like my dress?
Duo: No.
Relena: {scoffs and sits down}
Duo: You like Heero, right?
Relena: …you could put it that way.
Duo: {grins; faces the audience and clasps his hands together evilly} Oh the possibilities…Please welcome, a guest who shouldn't be here, but just is…Heero Yuy.
{Heero stumbles on stage and gasps} Heero: Relena!
Relena: Heero!!
Heero: {points the gun at Duo} Die Maxwell. For bringing me out here while this…thing is here with me! You will die for this Maxwell.
Duo: Oh, well even if I do, the memories of you being on stage with Relena will still be floating around somewhere in your mind…won't it?
Heero: AAARRRGGGHH!!! {charges at Duo} DIE! MAXWELL! DIE!
***********
Trowa: {in the background, chairs being thrown and gunshots could be heard} …sorry. Duo could not be here with us right now. But instead…I will end the show. Arigatou for watching. Sayonara! {leaves}
***
Please review!
The next part will be out soon, with another exciting episode of…
THE JUSTICE RANGER!
(a.k.a. Crap that must be played on the show.)