Author's Note: Well, I'm glad you guys all enjoyed Justice Ranger a.k.a. Crap that must be played on the show, because…we're showing another episode today! And some of you just couldn't get enough of it! ^_^ Enjoy!
Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions (With your co-host, Duo!)
Episode #5
{Trowa and Duo are sitting down on separate comfortable chairs and are relaxing, until the cameras zoom up to their faces.}
Trowa: Will you get that dang thing out of my face?
Director: Sorry, sir. {zooms out}
Duo: Okay welcome. As you know, last week, we had Wufei premiering his Justice Ranger show-
Trowa: -which sucked.
Duo: {glares at Trowa}
Trowa: …what did I say something right?
Duo: *sighs* So…we'll be showing another stupid episode…today.
Trowa: Otherwise, known as right now! HIDE!!
Duo: Alright, well…here is…Justice Ranger.
{screen pops up as theme song starts playing}
Justice is around right now in many different ways!
And if you're not strong enough you'll have to die these days!
Justice is a world that has strong men and so on!
We will never accept a bunch of very weak onnas!
JUSTICE!
The world is mine!
JUSTICE!
Gonna rule it sometime!
JUSTICE!
You're all meant to die!
'Cause Wu-man's gonna own this town, the colony shall be mine!
JUSTICE!
…you heard me I said, Justice!
JUSTICE!
Narrator: EPISODE 2…THE BREAK-IN…
{shows starts as Wufei is in this headquarters-- The Justice Headquarters!}
Dr. Justice: Wufei, do you have the justice in you to complete this justice task?
Wufei: Why yes, Dr. Justice, my advisor and boss! How does…'Juuuuuustice!' sound? Or maybe 'J-U-S-T-I-C-E!'?
Dr. Justice: Try whichever will work! Now go to our arch enemy's HQ, Dr. Injustice's HQ. And hurry!
Wufei: Right! {starts leaving}
Dr. Justice: And Wufei…
Qufei: Yes, Dr. Justice?
Dr. Justice: …may justice be with you!
Wufei: {nods then leaves}
{Wufei arrives at the guarded gateway where 5 guards guard the gate}
Guard 1: Hey-
Guard 2: You!-
Guard 3: You can't-
Guard 4: Be in-
Guard 5: Here! So-
All guards: LEAVE!
Wufei: {smirks} *ahem* J-J-J-J-Justice!
{guards fall dead}
Wufei: {runs inside the gate as lasers and alarms get set off; smirks at the camera}
THE END OF PART 1
Credits
Director: Wufei Chang
Producer: Wufei Chang
Anything else: Wufei Chang
Thanks to: Wufei Chang
Special Thanks to: Wufei Chang
© 2000 …guess who?!
Wufei Chang
{screen fades away as show credits stop playing}
Trowa: Tha-
Duo: Save your breath, Trowa… *ahem* That sucked.
Trowa: Yes it did. After the commercial…it's Duo's shift, I get a break.
Director: …
Trowa: …commercial?
Director: Rolling!
*********
Duo: Alright, we're back again from that stupid show, Justice Ranger, and we have all hopefully recovered. Today ...surprise, surprise, we're actually gonna help the mental people, starting with...Mariemeia Khushrenada!
Audience: *gasps* You said her last name!
Duo: *sweat-drops*
{Mariemeia comes out and sits politely on the futon bed} Mariemeia: Are you with OZ?
Duo: ...I see you've got a problem?
Mariemeia: I don't take kindly to others lacking in OZ.
Duo: List them all and we'll deal with them individually.
Mariemeia: ...what are you talking about? {brings out a gun and is about ready to shoot Duo's head} My daddy brought me here. {shoots}
Duo: {moves his head} Why would that be?
Mariemeia: Says that I'm killing the world's population! {shoots again}
Duo: ...let's talk.
Mariemeia: {grumbles}
Duo: So...let's move on. You've got the same problem as your dad.
Mariemeia: It runs in the family.
Duo: ...you are aware that's a bad thing, right? That's why we're going to assist you. You're in luck. Once you've had Dr. Duo's Treatment you'll never go back to your same old problem. {grins at the camera; teeth sparkle}
Mariemeia: Yeah, right. It'll never work!
{later...Duo straps Mariemeia to the wheel of problems}
Mariemeia: Get me DOWN!!!
Duo: Just wait! May we have Trowa on stage to spin the wheel?
Trowa: {from backstage} NO!
Duo: ...alright, I'll do it! {spins the wheel as Mariemeia goes spinning}
Mariemeia: I'm gonna hurl!
Duo: Hang tight! Just a little longer! ...alright...and...stop- {stops the wheel suddenly}
Mariemeia: {goes swinging off the wheel; yelling back} MY DADDY WILL SUE!!!
Duo: ...Trowa's up next. Maybe he'll have better luck!
************
Trowa: I'm always stuck with this guy! When you're ready, once again please welcome...Heero Yuy.
{Heero dashes into the room and sits down}
Trowa: Heero, listen to me. After this session, you will learn something, control your temper, laugh, smile and get out of here sane! You understand?
Heero: ...
Trowa: ...alright. Question 1, how long ago have you been going to a therapist?
Heero: ...
Trowa: ...I'll consider this as progress. But next time, a peep must come out of ya to get a good passing grade. Only those who are declared sane will not be contestants on this show.
Heero: ...it's Relena.
Trowa: SUCCESS!! You spoke!
Heero: She's...practically stalking me! I turn around there she is, if not, a letter or picture is! Just read this, Dr. Trowa. {hands him the letter}
Trowa: {reads it} ...My beloved Heero... {snickers} Uh...I know you're avoiding me...but please don't. I want to talk to you. Relena. ...that sucked.
Heero: I know.
Trowa: I'm not fit to solve this. Solve your own problems, brother! Now beat it! {kicks him out} ...I need to retire, and I need to retire now! I dread this job!
Duo: {comes out} Should we order last minute entertainment?
Trowa: Do you suggest...
Duo and Trowa: WUFEI?!
{Wufei marches out} Wufei: This one's an ooooold classic! {to the tune of any tune you can fit it in}
Let me tell you about my family tree!
First there's me, the Justice boy, you see!
I was born in Justice!
Was raised in Justice!
Was taught nothing but Justice!
I don't even know how to count to 10-
'Cause I'm a Justice boy! A Justice boy!
More powerful than Shinigami!
Duo: Take that back!
Wufei: Let me finish!
A justice boy! A justice boy!
And you people should fear me!
I'm not a fool although you might think so!
Oh well!
'cause I'm a justice boy! A justice boy!
More powerful than yagami!
'cause I'm a justice boy! A justice boy!
And this is my justice land! Yeah, this is my justice land! YEAH!
Trowa: ...that sucked.
Wufei: It's a classic.
Duo: ...commercial.
*************
Duo: I think this is the last part of the show before we end it. {turns to the camera} I'd like to welcome once again…Wu…wu…wu…
Director: Say the name!
Duo: But it's…Wu…wu…wu…
Wufei: {comes out and starts singing} Say my name, Say my name! When no one is around you…say my name, say my name! Say Wufei! Say Wufei!
Duo: Omae o korosu…
Wufei: All killing and no play makes Duo a dull, stupid, pathetic…onna.
Duo: ONNA?!
Wufei: You heard me…onna. And I'll say it again, ONNA! Hey, Onna maid! Fetch the tea! …oh wait. Quatre's got it. Okay, well ONNA-
Duo: {brings out a remote control and presses a button; back wall breaks down revealing Deathscythe Hell} You're gonna wish you never said that!
Wufei: {stares at Deathscythe Hell} I'm wishing, I'm wishing, I'm wishing, I'm wishing, I'm wishing dang it!! Make this a dream!
Duo: {scoffs; hops in Gundam} Fine, it's a dream.
Wufei: Thank god…
Duo: Which god would that be? {grins}
Wufei: God, who else.
Duo: {grumbles} You dare not worship Shinigami?! Then you will die anyhow! {begins to slash Wufei}
Wufei: {runs for cover}
Trowa: {walks on stage} …goodbye, and see you all next time.
***************
So how'd you like it? Review, please! …oh yeah…and stay tuned for another bodacious episode of…
Justice Ranger!!!
a.k.a. Rotten luck man!