By Amai
Disclaimer- Digimon and all it's characters are not copyright me, but copyright Toei Animation/Bandai (there probably are others, but I can't remember offhand). I wish they were, but sadly, not all wishes come true. The only thing that's copyright me is this fanfic, so no stealing, kiddies.
Author's Notes- Oh wow. I really like this one...it's a whole lot more upbeat than "Maybe", but it's cute. :) I had to test my poem writing in this one, so don't be too hard on me! I'm not the greatest poet, unfortunately. But I hope you like this! Please read and review, I'd love to hear your opinions. Note that Daisuke and Ken's thoughts are pretty similar..you'll notice that when you see his poem.
Daisuke slumped down in his seat during class. How he wished he didn't volunteer for poetry reading. He didn't even know why he did it the first place. But he had felt so..so...confident when he had read it in front of chibimon last night. It was after right after soccer practice, when he was walking home. Chibimon was in his bag as he pulled a paper out of his pocket and looked at it.
—
"Hey Dai, what's that?", startled by the small digimon's voice, Daisuke jumped a bit and hid his paper, blushing a little. He scratched his head and laughed nervously,
"Nothing really..uh...just a school assignment.", he frowned a bit internally. He didn't like lying to chibimon...but, it wasn't really a lie, since it really was true that it was an assignment. Aw, hell...who was he kidding? It was just embarrassing. Chibimon didn't buy his routine, unfortunately and raised an eyebrow,
"You make a really bad liar, Daisuke. Now c'mon tell me! I won't tease ya or anything!", Daisuke sighed, and looked at chibimon. And sighed again,
"Fine, but you tell no-one, y'hear? I don't want everyone thinking I'm trying to impress anyone by "turning over a new leaf" or anything, okay?", chibimon grinned and nodded. Daisuke cleared his throat as he began reciting his small poem.
Chibimon listened intently to his friend as he spoke. Daisuke was reciting slowly, as if he wanted something to linger, to savor out of it. Or if...he was hoping for someone else to hear it as well. At first, one name popped in his head, Yagami Hikari. But chibimon quickly disregarded that as he listened in more...somehow those characteristics didn't represent the child of light.
There wasn't much light in that piece, really. Just a lingering luminosity. Chibimon didn't fully understand it, but it did sound impressive, he had to admit to himself that he really didn't see Daisuke as...a poet?
Just as Daisuke was about to start the last stanza, he tripped, and with a thump his paper was lost in the wind.
"Oh no! Hey, Daisuke- why are you going after it?"
"Oh, that? I've got it memorized."
"Then why'd you need the paper?"
Daisuke looked at the billowing paper, making it's way through the half painted dusk sky and cutting through the park and smiled.
"I needed something to hide my fear, and that paper was just crazy enough to work."
—
Now he wished he hadn't of let that paper go. Not because someone could read it, he wasn't worried about that. Besides, even if someone did, they probably wouldn't know who he was. No, that wasn't worth worrying about.
He needed his protection. Because he was scared again.
He slumped back in his seat again and looked at the clock. 20 minutes until class was over and he was free. Hopefully the teacher wouldn't make it to him. Hopefully...
He wondered why he was so scared. He was supposed to be fearless! The leader. It wasn't like he was pouring out his whole heart out to everyone. Hell, they wouldn't even know who he was talking about.....would they? If only. Maybe, they would think it was Hikari. He tried to make the poem seem like that, even though it was hard. Hard to keep the truth hidden, the person hidden under a sheet of lies.
He really did lie a lot. It wasn't healthy. But...what if chibimon was right. He did say that Daisuke was bad at lies. Was he? Would it be that obvious...?
He slumped down farther as Hikari was called up to read her poem. Damn, that meant after T.S. he was up. Damn, damn, damn.
She walked up gracefully to the front of the class and smiled. He envied Hikari. Always so happy, no worries at all. He wondered if that's why he stuck on to her like that...he abruptly stopped his thoughts as he listened in to her poem.
"Morning Light", she recited the name with ease, and then continued,
"I know you want to know from me,
Why I can see so easily,
The light that dawns up though the sky,
And brightens up the clouds up high,
Sometimes I wish I could explain,
Instead of light, the wind, the rain,
But I can't see that in my view,
'Cause it's so gloomy, like you too.
It saddens me, it really does,
Why you hide secrets, just because,
And run to me, to find your light,
But since you can't, it ends in fight.
For I cannot soothe the pain inside,
I can't really heal the light that's died,
And I cannot provide another sun,
Perhaps that is meant for another someone."
The class clapped as Hikari bowed. Daisuke just stared, as she smiled at him and sat down. He knew she was referring to him...but did she know? And how?
He would never understand women.
He laughed for a second at his thoughts. Maybe that's why he wasn't attracted to a woman then. They were just too...confusing. But then, maybe she would understand. Understand why he cared for...him...enough to write a poem. Understand why he was so damned afraid.
One more person up, Takaishi Takeru. He envied Takeru as well...enough to almost wish that he didn't fight with him that much. Well...almost. A guy had to keep his rep, y'know. Funny thing is that, looking at Takeru he sensed an uneasy aura, almost like his, around the blonde haired boy as he stood up in front of the class.
"My Protector", he softly said,
"I thought it might be easy to be alone,
Maybe forever,
It made me so mad when we left home,
When I was forced to let my protector go,
I was so young then,
I didn't understand what a "divorce" was,
I don't think he knew much about it either,
All I knew was my protector was going away,
But in my self pity I didn't realize that maybe I was going away instead,
And I was,
I thought I'd never see him again, my protector,
Being so young and all,
I did see him though, but only in fleeting moments,
But...I guess, now that I look at it,
Being with him, even for the shortest moments,
Was still special to me,
And isn't that all that counts, brother?",
Takeru bowed just like Hikari when the applause came. He looked relived as he took his seat. Daisuke couldn't help be smile at his poem. It was about Ishida Yamato, his brother. He never quite considered the strong connection the two brothers held. He made a note to ask Takeru later....if he didn't forget.
Aw shit. It was his turn now. What was he going to do...? Stand up, he figured. The teacher was eyeing him already, as to tell him "Get up already!", so he had better not waist time.
Slowly and shakily he made his way to the front of the class. Hikari gave him a last reassuring smile as he looked at her. She knew. That was more than enough to start him up.
"Field of Thoughts", he began as the nervousness in him started to melt away..
"Why won't you look at me?
I look at you all the time.
Hoping, wishing that you'd look back,
Secretly wanting you to speak to me,
You seem so above me,
Like an angel? No. You've been tainted,
You couldn't be an angel.
But then, you couldn't be a devil as well,
Have you ever heard of good demons?
I consider you one,
Please don't take that offensively,
I never meant to hurt you,
In fact, in fact...
I think I may love you,
But I know that this love can't be for real,
To love you is dangerous,
Just not correct,
But I laugh at that, because I don't really get that many correct answers on tests anyway,
I'm rather stupid, actually,
And seeing that you're the complete opposite, could you look at someone as stupid as I?
Is that why you don't look at me? I'm dying to know.
Because if so, maybe I should start being smart."
Daisuke sighed a big sigh of relief as he bowed. For now...for now, the fear was gone. But sadly the one he loved had no idea about this poem. Maybe it was all for the good.
As the class was dismissed, Takeru ran up to Daisuke and said,
"Hey, that was a pretty good poem, Daisuke!", not in the mood to argue, the other boy simply replied,
"Thanks...I was really nervous and all."
"Hey don't worry about it, so was I..we all get nervous at one point or another. Hey,", he added, looking at Daisuke's spiky hair of burgundy, "...what happened to your goggles?"
Wait...what did happen to his goggles? Crap, he must have forgotten them at the soccer field! And seeing that they weren't really his, but Tai's...well, he wouldn't be so happy about that.
He waved the thought out, he'd go find it later. Hopefully. It's just that he had other things to worry about right then. Like figuring out that sudden fear he had before reading his poem. But before he could go farther, he saw Hikari in the corner of his eye, she was walking towards him,
"Hi, Hikari!", he smiled and waved. She smiled back and responded,
"Hi Daisuke. That was a nice poem! I really didn't know you had it in you.", she grinned even wider and whispered in his ear, "...But I always did know you liked Ken."
Yes, Daisuke would never understand the ways of the female race. At least, never in his lifetime. But, in a way...it was a comfort to have a shoulder to lean on.
But will I live forever just confessing my love to a person who's not the one I want...?