Author's Note: Welcome back! Glad you're attending another exciting episode of…Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions! …what? You thought it was Justice Ranger?! I wish! …actually, no I don't! Justice Ranger is included (darn it!) so just, enjoy! ^_~
Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions
Episode #6
{Trowa is lazily sitting down on his chair, while Duo walks in} Duo: …it's Justice Ranger, isn't it?
Trowa: Worse.
Duo: …that's verbally, mentally and physically…impossible! Justice Ranger is as worse as it gets!
Trowa: No, worse.
Duo: …you seem like a big heap of a loss of words this afternoon.
Trowa: Worse…
Duo: Tell me what it is, already!
Trowa: …I've been working on this show…for- what is it? 6 episodes now…and I haven't gotten paid yet…
Duo: Oh yeah, some big problem!-
Trowa: The director's said I might have to go through another auditioning session!
Duo: And replace me?
Trowa: It seems that way.
Duo: …joy. {grins} Let's take a look at Justice Ranger.
Trowa: …wow. It seems like you actually want to watch it this time.
Duo: No, after is a commercial, and it's my break. So…here it is. Part 2 of the break-in, that…crappy…crappy…episode.
{screen pops up and theme begins}
Justice is around right now in many different ways!
And if you're not strong enough you'll have to die these days!
Justice is a world that has strong men and so on!
We will never accept a bunch of very weak onnas!
JUSTICE!
The world is mine!
JUSTICE!
I'll rule it sometime!
JUSTICE!
You're all meant to die!
'Cause Wu-man's gonna own this town, the colony shall be mine!
JUSTICE!
…You heard me I said, JUSTICE!
JUSTICE!
Narrator: EPISODE 2, PART 2…THE BREAK-IN EXTREME…
{Wufei is inside the gate as soldiers come marching}
Wufei: Ju-
Soldier Commander: Hold it right there, Justice Ranger!
Wufei: No! Ju-
Soldier Commander: Lock 'em up! And his ego, too!
Wufei: JU-
Soldier Commander: Shut 'em up! His words could kill the colony!
Soldier #1: They will!
{Wufei is being shoved into a jail cell; turns around and grins at the camera}
THE END OF PART 2!
Credits
Director: Wufei Chang
Producer: Wufei Chang
Anything else: Wufei Chang
Thanks to: Wufei Chang
Special Thanks to: Wufei Chang
© 2000…guess who?!
Wufei Chang
{screen fades away}
Duo: That…sucked.
Trowa: That must be the crappiest episode, of the crappiest show, of the crappiest hour, on the crappiest channel-
Duo: And the crappiest show.
Trowa: {glares at Duo} …that was pure crap.
Duo: Very pure.
Trowa: See through, even!
Duo: Commercial.
*******************
Duo: Okay…lucky me, huh? I get to help a truly mental lady who almost destroyed the world! …please welcome…Lady Une. A first time guest to the show.
{Lady Une walks out and sits on the bed; holding a gun with a very tight grasp}
Duo: …what brings you here today, Une? …Une?…yeah, okay.
Lady Une: It's the world today! And-
Duo: Une, deux, trois…Quatre…Treize…Quinze…
Lady Une: What are you doing?
Duo: Counting…did you know, that on Gundam Wing there are…1,2,3,-4 people who's names have something to do with French numbers? For instance-
Lady Une: Am I here to get help, or do you prefer practicing French all day?
Duo: …which one do you prefer?
Lady Une: {grumbles}
Duo: Alright already! Gettin' down to business…right. Have you…ever…eaten…a donut?
Lady Une: What?
Duo: It's part of research. I seriously need to know. {crosses fingers}
Lady Une: …chocolate tastes pretty good.
Duo: Oh come on! Glazed, man! That's da bomb!
Lady Une: …research?
Duo: …comparisons.
Lady Une: Okay, now ask me something serious.
Duo: …that's…gonna be hard.
Lady Une: {flips up her gun; grumbles}
Duo: …okay! {in a serious tone}…how does…a goldfish…taste?
Lady Une: What?!
Duo: That's as serious as it could get! Other than that…you…could've eaten a corpse!
Lady Une: {storms off stage}
Duo: …I hear the commercials…calling my name!
****************
Trowa: …well. I thought I'd actually get to help a mental person! …well, in this case I am. But it's for Wufei's stupid publicity ads! Please welcome…Wufei… {sighs}
{Wufei comes out happily}
Trowa: {with a happy tone of voice} So Wufei, what have you come to tell us now?
Wufei: Well, it's my…uh…new CD!-
Audience: YEAH!!! WUFEI!!!
Trowa: …hold up. …you can sing?
Wufei: Yes, Trowa, my stupid, yet numb friend. What do you think I've been doing all this time on your show?
Trowa: …rapping badly?
Wufei: {ignoring Trowa} Yes, my people! My new CD- {holds it up; it shows Wufei marching while big Justice-y men are walking behind him and the CD is called WUFEI: THE JUSTICE.} Get it now! Out in stores! Best deal on it, 60 cents, man! Quality stuff, right here!
Audience: Ahhh….. {silence}
Wufei: Cheer!!!
Audience: {silence}
Trowa: 'bout time you left Wufei.
Wufei: But my people!!!
Trowa: And you're rotting their brains. Leave 'em be! {shoves Wufei off stage} Well, my time has just been wasted today. Time for a commercial break a little bit earlier than usual!
*****************
Trowa: Welcome… Once again, I grow sick of this show and wish to not host it anymore! Main reason…just guess! JUST GUESS WHO MADE MY CAREER A LIVING HELL?!!!!! JUST GUESS!!!! …
Audience: …Wufei.
Trowa: YES!!!!!
Duo: In other words, Trowa is going mental and needs someone to host the show so he can be a guest star.
Trowa: Maxwell, stay out of this!
Duo: It's true.
Trowa: Bu-
Duo: I run, I hide, but I never tell a lie! I am-
Trowa: About to leave right now!
Duo: Wait! …what was that you were saying about auditions?
Trowa: Ah, yes. Auditions. Someone else, taking my show…someone ELSE! See that word? ELSE!! In which meaning, NOT ME!! SO STOP VOTING!!!!
Duo: …in other words, if Trowa remains the host-- they'll have to replace me.
Audience: NO!!!! DUO!!!!
Duo: …they must love me more than Wufei.
Audience: {silence}
Duo: …okay fine! Don't answer me!
Trowa: Let me explain this clearly. Next audition, we will have a vote and real auditions. First off, you vote for whom you wish to be a co-host or a host-
Duo: And let the director screw it up again!
Trowa: What?
Duo: Heero was supposed to be your co-host, not me.
Trowa: …oh…anyhow. Vote from this list.
Mariemeia Khusrenada
Lucretzia Noin
Quatre Raberba Winner
Heero Yuy
Wufei Chang
Lady Une
Treize Khushrenada
Or
Not Me
Not myself
And definitely NOT I.
Trowa: …Yes, if you must ask, Wufei is on the list. His "fans" voted him in.
Duo: Oooh, I get replaced.
Trowa: Or I get replaced.
Duo: …Hmm…Dr. Mariemeia? Dr. Noin? Dr. Quatre? Dr. Raberba? …nope. How about- no. Dr. Wufei? …definitely no. Dr. Une? Dr. Treize? …none of them seem to have that ring in the name, Dr. Trowa.
Trowa: Why thank you.
Duo: But you still have a crappy name, and crappy hair.
Trowa: What?! You think I have a crappy name!
Duo: Oh, don't forget hair.
Trowa: Who would name themselves Duo?
Duo: I would, that's who!
Trowa: Fine…
Duo: Remember the rules, don't forget to vote, and see you all later!
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Don't forget to pick your vote! ^_^ Please review and stay tuned for Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions - Auditions #2