Author's Note: Well, well. Some of you were right. I, like Trowa, grow tired of this series and would like to end it soon and begin a brand new humor series or fic! I really feel like ending it for good, but I can't. ...oh well. No more surprises, we'll see what happens. Enjoy...
Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions
Auditions #2
{Trowa is posting up a big countdown sign on his wall; turns around}
Trowa: ...what?
Director: Uh, sir... today's the day-
Trowa: Giles, today's the day that we have auditions, isn't it?
Director: ...yes...
Trowa: Good... Welcome. Thanks to all who voted. We'll be reading them live... and- OH! Sorry in a way but, ...there's no JUSTICE RANGER today!
Audience: YAY!!!
Trowa: Now will you chant with me? No More Wufei, No More Wufei!
Audience: No More Trowa! No More Trowa!
Trowa: ...e-e-e-EXCUSE ME?!!!
Audience: ...
Trowa: ...why thank you. I want to be fired, but NO!! ...stupid producers. Anyhow, "Ryo0oki" says.
Oohhh... this is *too* easy! ^^ Wufei won't work... her has that award winning show to produce... Treize and Marimeia are too homocidal, Heero is too suicidal, Une has a stupid name, Noin is a , and Quatre is too nice. So that leaves... Sylvia Noventa! ^^ Yup, that's my vote.
Trowa: ...Sylvia? No way will anyone who knows or is affiliated with Relena host my show! ...well, I honestly don't really care who. Just let me boot and boot quickly. Next, "pixigirl" says.
Keep Trowa! He's so kawaii!!!
Trowa: Kawaii or not, I DON'T WANT TO HOST!!! ...that's one so far.
Director: One what?
Trowa: Vote.
Director: O-
Trowa: And soon, 1 turns into 11, then 11 turns into 111, then 111 turns into a GOGOOL OF TROWA VOTES!!! NOOOO!!!!!
Director: ...but...isn't 111 supposed to turn into 1111?
Trowa: ...literally, Giles, literally! Next, "Anime WildCat" says.
Duo must stay on the show! He's funny! I don't think Trowa should retire permenantly, just take a leave of absense or go on sabbatical. Duo should probably be host and have Noin be co-host. By the way, kudos for Justice Ranger!
Trowa: Kudos to- that is IT!!!! I'll mail you a guide I wrote that says, 'How To Get Wufei Permanently Out Of Your System'. Next, "~*~Lucky~*~" says.
Like I said b4 NOIN!!!!!!!I think she's the only one who doesn't have "issues" or "problems".LOVE THE FIC!HATE THE "JUSTICE RANGER!"
Trowa: ...Lucky...we feel your pain. Justice Ranger does suck, doesn't it?
Audience: ...
Trowa: WELL I NEVER ASKED YOUR OPINION ANYWAY!!! MY OPINION IS THE ONLY ONE THAT COUNTS!! ...uh, next "Hawk" says.
Hmmm.. Trowa and...Heero the show just wouldn't be the same without Trowa!
Trowa: True, very true...but NO!! The show would be fine without me! PERFECT! ...but, "Agito the Guyver3" says.
Nice...
Trowa: I won't consider that as a vote. But, "Maria Rocket" says.
LOL!!! I love this, even the Wufei insanity! ^_^ There can be only one Dr. Trowa! But I think Quatre should get a turn as the co-host, after all, who better to help mental people than an empath? ^_^ Then again, it might drive him zero...^^;;;
Trowa: What's to love about Wufei? He's mental! He's our... well, let's just say we're stuck with him until he's not mental.
Director: HELLO MILLENIUM!
Trowa: Anyhow-
Director: That's all for the votes, Trowa.
Trowa: What?
Director: You were only supposed to read 3. The co-host is already decided.
Trowa: Why don't you stupid staff ever let me in on when you're gonna choose the FUTURE Co-host of MY show!!!
Director: It's the boy.
Trowa: Be specific, Giles!
Director: ...Une, deux... trois...QUATRE...treize...q-
Trowa: Quatre, Not Quatre.
Director: Quatre.
Trowa: 4?
Director: Quatre!!
Trowa: Quatre.
Director: Yes, Quatre!
Trowa: ...but I'm Trowa.
Director: Not, it's Quatre.
Trowa: Okay, we'll be back with the co-host, 4, after the break-
Director: QUATRE!!! THE CO-HOST IS-
Trowa: 4.
Director: ROLLING THE COMMERCIAL!!
*************
Trowa: This audition will be a little shortened. We're here with our co-host...4.
Quatre: Quatre.
Trowa: Right, 4. Okay, 4. We'll put you in a booth, you have to talk to a mental person.
Quatre: Sure. (sits down) Who am I talking to?
Trowa: Uh... me. I'll be reading a script. {sits down across from Quatre} Hoo hoo hoo. I'm mental, cage me up.
Quatre: Tell me, Trowa. Do you have any issues? {sips tea}
Trowa: {shudders} ...Quatre... uh... put the tea down.
Quatre: But my tea...
Trowa: Put it down, NOW! We're on a show here, not... listen to the tea boy SIP... it's annoying.
Quatre: Fine, I won't sip the tea anymore.
Trowa: Good, now... {looks at script} ...hoo hoo hoo. Boy am I hungry. Can I eat... your shoe?
Quatre: {drinks tea}
Trowa: ...I said, may I eat your shoe?
Quatre: {drinks tea}
Trowa: {looks at him} ...Quatre-
Quatre: ?
Trowa: This is the last STRAW! Put the tea down, don't touch it!!
Quatre: But I-
Trowa: That does it! {jumps up} I quit! I quit! I QUIT!! No more- NO MORE DR. TROWA'S MENTAL SESSIONS!!!
Director: you can't do that...
Trowa: Oh yeah?! Watch me!! I'm-
Quatre: Of course you're quitting.
Trowa: AH- ...what?
Quatre: You're too mental to run your own show. It's okay, I'll run it for you. You can be a guest star. {beams}
Trowa: NO!! I'm through with hosting, co-hosting and the camera! Say SAYONARA, and I mean it! I'm never comin' back, ya hear?!
Director: But we didn't finish airing the rest of the Justice Ranger series left! There's still... 2 more!
Trowa: Boy is Wufei pathetic- Alright, ROLL 'EM! But after the episodes, I'M GONE! You won't see me around no more! NO WAY!!!!
Director: Rolling...
Justice is around right now in many different ways!
And if you're not strong enough you'll have to die these days!
Justice is a world that has strong men and so on!
We will never except a bunch of very weak onnas!
JUSTICE!
The world is mine!
JUSTICE!
I'll rule it sometime!
JUSTICE!
You're all meant to die!
'Cause Wu-man's gonna own this town, the colony shall be mine!
JUSTICE!
...You heard me I said, JUSTICE!
JUSTICE!
Narrator: ...EPISODE 4...THE LAKE TRAP
{scene begins as Wufei is walking down a road, by a lake.}
Wufei: What a peaceful, Justice day.
{notices a fish jump out of the water}
Wufei: {grumbles} You just ruined a perfect justice day!!! JUUUUUSSSSTTTTTIIICCCEEE!!!!
{fish pauses in the air-- then dies}
Wufei: {smirks at the camera}
THE END!
Cre-
Trowa: SKIP THE CREDITS, AND THE THEME! Roll the dang show...
Director: My, my... were you watching it?
Trowa: {grumbles}
Narrator: ...EPISODE 5...THE SEASON FINALE...
{scene begins in The Justice HQ; Wufei is on the stage}
Dr. Justice: Wufei... you are now a qualified Justice Ranger... may the justice... be with you... always!
Wufei: Why thank you, Dr. Justice! {smirks at the camera}
THE END!
{screen fades away}
Quatre: That was awful!
Director: I know-
Quatre: No, what Wufei did to the fish! ...you would never imagine one word count cause such...sudden...death...
Director: ...shut up.
Quatre: {scoffs}
Director: ...hey.. where's Trowa?
Quatre: I guess he really meant it when he said Sayonara... Oh well. He'll be back.
Director: If I know Trowa, he'll come marching back soon!
{Quatre and Director leave} Quatre: See ya!
********************************
{From inside of a closet in the studio}
Trowa: ...hey! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?! PLEASE OPEN UP! I'LL CONTINUE THE SHOW!! I WAS JUST KIDDING! ...Guys?...Guys?! ...GUYS!!!!
***