Author's Note: Sorry for being so darn lazy!! ^_^ Trowa's back, if you doubted he would be! So let's give a big hand...FOR TROWA!!! *silence* ...enjoy.
Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions
Episode #7
{Quatre and Duo are sitting down in the studio; Quatre's drinking tea}
Director: ...alright, where's Trowa, and what have you done with him?
Quatre: Nothing.
Director: ...Duo, you got replaced, so why are you here?
Duo: I'm not mental, I'm not a co-host, and I will not just permanently leave the show! ...how about we turn this into Dr. Duo - A 24 hour tribute to Shinigami!
Director: No-
Duo: Okay.
{silence for about 15 minutes; Quatre carefully, yet annoyingly sips his tea}
Duo: ...okay, this is just getting boring now.
Quatre: How's about we bring out some entertainment?
Director: Entertainment = Wufei.
Duo: No dang way!!!
Director: Say it louder and he'll come marching in. He's the show's ...friend.
{Just then, Trowa comes marching out; arms flailing} Trowa: This is show is so darn boring!!! WE NEED SOME ENTERTAINMENT!!!
{Wufei comes marching out; grinning; holding his new CD} Wufei: Out in stores, out in stores!
Trowa: {boots Wufei off stage} Get out of here! {sighs; glances at Duo} ...Duo, get out of my chair.
Duo: {gets up} Oh sorry. I didn't see the label 'Belongs to Purple Panted Freak' on it. {sits on the floor}
Trowa: ...Duo...When I say get out of my chair, I also might mean...get out of my studio!!
Duo: Fine! {jumps up} I'll find a way in! You can't lose me for good!
Trowa: {sarcastically} Goodie! That fills me with JOY inside my HAPPY HEART!!!
Quatre: {looks at Trowa; hands him a stress ball} I can feel the level rising...
Trowa: I don't need a stress ball!!
Quatre: ...they have stress beds in stock, too.
Trowa: I DON'T NEED ANYTHING TO DO WITH STRESS!! I AM FINE!!! {picks up a mug of coffee; gulps the whole thing down}
Quatre: ...you know, that's so hard to believe right now.
Trowa: We'll get to a commercial, NOW, please!!!
Director: ...okay.
******************
Quatre: So what are we gonna be doing for the next 3 episodes? We've went through the whole process.
Trowa: Well, we're actually be going to look at progress charts, how much guests have grown as in mentality. And everyone, except Sally Po, has been on the show.
Quatre: Why not Miss Po?
Trowa: Because there's not hope for her yet.
Quatre: Well...there wasn't any hope for Wufei either, but we still-
Trowa: Okay, shut up. ...Here's a small video Mariemeia Khushrenada put together, after our session together. Roll the film!
{screen begins in an ER room}
Doctor #1: We need intensive care now!
Doctor #2: We need her to live or Treize will shoot us!
{rush into room}
Scottish Surgeon: Well, there's still hope left. {brings out a small jar labeled 'HOPE' and shoves it in Mariemeia's mouth}
{In Mariemeia's room; she's sitting on a bed, with crutches and a cast}
Mariemeia: I hate you, Trowa. But in that way I've almost died by your pathetic program and is suing you for a billion dollars and-
Cameraman: Mariemeia! How about how much Trowa has helped you with your shooting problem?
Mariemeia: Helped me? Helped me DIE is more like it! I still hate him, and is going to shoot him dead, I will! You be watching!!!
{screen fades}
***
Quatre: She's suing you, T-
Trowa: I know that.
Quatre: How about the video that Heero put together after his sessions? Roll the film!
***
{screen begins as Heero is strapped to a wall}
Heero: S.O.S anyone! I'm in danger at the colony! They've stolen my Gundams and-
Evil man: Shut up, boy!
Cameraman: Hey, evil man? Can you let Heero say or explain how Trowa's sessions have helped him?
Evil man: Make it quick!
Heero: ...Helped me or not helped me? Well, Trowa's a lazy crappy person who makes a living drinking coffee and sucking the life out of himself with those tight pants, therefore I am considered he's an alien draining energy out of himself. But that's okay, let him drain. Drain more and more until he falls dead! Drain more! And-
Evil man: Time's up! {lunges at Heero}
{screen fades}
***
Quatre: Did you see that?!
Trowa: Yes I did.
Quatre: Wasn't it awful?
Trowa: No it was not.
Quatre: Don't you feel anger?
Trowa: No I do not.
Quatre: But-
Trowa: After the commercial break, Wufei, Treize and Zechs!
***********
Trowa: Okay, here's the video Wufei put together after his one session. Yes one session, that's why he's so mental. He hasn't had enough help!
Quatre: Sad, ain't it?
Trowa: Dry, is what it is!
Quatre: Roll the film!
****
{scene begins as Wufei is on the set for Justice Ranger}
Wufei: When I get a headache or feel lousy and just crappy-
Other man: AS USUAL!
Wufei: I use 'WUFEI AWAY'. This fully compact medicine, made by the top medicine men or people like that, will cure anything! From Laryngitis to Cancer! From dying to constipation-
Other man: WHICH HE JUST WENT THROUGH LAST WEEK!
Wufei: From chicken pox...to some other deadly disease unthinkable! Think people...do you want to be sick-
Other man: OF WUFEI-
Wufei: Anymore? Just call the number, and order it. First 1000 people get it free. *grins* Sponsored by: BRAINS...THEY'RE IN YOU TO GIVE-
Other man: TO WUFEI!!
{screen fades}
***
Trowa: Oh, now I'm getting one of those!
Quatre: That had nothing to do with the show.
Trowa: No, but I gotta get one of those. It said 'Do you really want to be sick OF WUFEI anymore?' I don't! Quatre, call the dang number!
Quatre: Trowa, you gullible fool...those were fake. That WUFEI AWAY stuff was probably Advil in disguise!
Trowa: ...whatever! You just don't wanna face the fact that I'm right! Anywayz, here's the video Treize put together after our session or sessions.
Quatre: Roll it!-
{Deathscythe crashes down the studio wall; Duo hops out} Duo: Hope I'm not too late!
Trowa: Too late? You're supposed to be gone!
Duo: Not yet, I'm not! I won't leave!
Trowa: I'll give you one chance to think of a reason why you shouldn't leave!
Duo: I got great karaoke hits for ya!
Trowa: Okay, fine. This better be good!
Duo: {clears his throat; begins to sing} To the tune of the Brady Bunch theme
This is the story, of a thing named Wufei
Who lived alone with his justice ego
They lived in a house in the colony
And had no one to call their own
Also the story, of a thing named a brain
Who walked down to this house in the terrain
It sucked itself inside Wufei's puny head
And that is how Wufei got a brain
Wufei got a brain, he got a brain
That's how Wufei got a brain
He lived his life, without a brain
Now he has one, he fin'ly has a brain!
YAY!
{Duo bursts out laughing; Wufei marches on stage}
Wufei: You allow this crap to be played on your show.
Trowa: ...we allowed Justice Ranger on the show, didn't we?
{audience laughs}
Wufei: JUSTICE RANGER WAS NOT CRAP!!!
{audience laughs more}
Quatre: This arguing is okay, as long as it's all a joke, right?
Trowa: ...no.
Quatre: Well you don't really mean it when you say Justice Ranger was...c-crap...do you?
Trowa: Of course, boy!
Duo: {bends down to breathe in fresh air} Ah...man, I gotta leave! I'm gonna burst.
Quatre: {looks at him in shock}
Duo: ...not literally, Quatre, not literally.
Trowa: Well, we've been rained with more shame now Wufei is here. Let's take a look at Treize's video now... roll it.
***
{scene begins as Treize is getting surgery}
Cameraman: ...Treize?
Scottish Surgeon: Hold it lad! Get away! Can't you see there's no more hope left? {shows him the jar labeled 'HOPE'; it's empty}
Cameraman: But he can't die!
Scottish Surgeon: Well, let me see if there's faith at least! {grabs a bottle labeled 'FAITH' and shoves the rest down Treize's mouth}
*
Treize: Die, Trowa!
{scene fades away}
***
Quatre: {gasps}
Trowa: It was only Treize!
Quatre: ...I can't stand the fact of someone dying.
Trowa: We're almost at a commercial break. But here's the video Zechs put together after our session.
Quatre: Roll it.
***
{scene begins as Zechs is being pulled on a stretcher}
Zechs: I'm about to die, can't you film someone else?
Cameraman: Say a few words about Trowa first.
Zechs: Trowa's stupid. He dresses cheaply, therefore can not afford proper clothing.
Cameraman: ...anything else?
Zechs: No.
Cameraman: Okay.
{scene fades away}
***
Trowa: I hated him!
Quatre: Hate is such a harsh word...
Trowa: I can't take this! Roll the commercial!!!
*********
Trowa: So, I think that's all the video's we're showing today. We'll show more next time. But next time, I won't be here! {beams}
Quatre: ...you're abandoning me?
Trowa: No, I'm going off for my 1 day I DON'T WANNA WORK FOR THIS SHOW NO MORE campaign! I'm trying to find ways to end my show in 3 episodes! Isn't that wonderful?
Audience: NO!!!!
Trowa: No = yes, and yes = yes as well! Now, isn't that fair?
Audience: NO!!!!
Trowa: They're getting the hang of it already! Anyhow, Wufei is going to read a poem for us. ...god help.
{All of a sudden, Duo runs in}
Duo: I'm here and I'm helping!
Trowa: ...what?
Duo: I am god.
Trowa: ...yeah...okay. Well, here's Wufei.
{show gets paused for a second; flashy ad pops up}
THE MONEY AND SAVINGS OF THIS SHOW DO NOT GET PAID TO WUFEI. I REPEAT, WUFEI IS NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS. (Actually, he thinks he is. Once the series is over, he'll get nothin' of the profit!) THANK YOU!
{show continues}
{Wufei comes out and starts marching - To the tune of anything you can fit it in}
Wufei: HELP! The world is getting killed by Wufei!
RUN! The world is getting slaughtered by Wufei!
HIDE! Here comes Wufei!
{runs off stage}
Duo: ...was that supposed to be entertainment?
Trowa: Sad to say, but yes.
Quatre: I think Wufei is being put under pressure. This is just a cry for help.
Trowa: Oh? ...then he's been cryin' for help since day 1!
Quatre: This is the only way Wufei can-
Duo: DISGRACE!
Quatre: -himself...disgrace?
Duo: Express! Right! I meant, wink wink nudge nudge, express!
Trowa: ...Uh...Duo what the hell're you doing here?
Duo: Oh, well...
Trowa: You're supposed to be gone.
Duo: And you were supposed to end the show!
Trowa: And...you were supposed to cut your hair!
Duo: And you were supposed to get new pants!
Trowa: And you were supposed to return those priest clothes!
Duo: And you were supposed to get NEW clothes!
Trowa: And you were supposed to admit you are NOT the God of Death 7 years ago!
Duo: And you were...uh...shut up!
Trowa: You shut up!
Duo: No, you shut up first!
Trowa: ...shut up!
Duo: You shut up!
Trowa: Shut up!
Duo: Shut up!
Trowa: Shut up!
Duo: Shut up!
Trowa: Shut up!
Duo: Shut up!
Trowa: Shut up!
Duo and Trowa: SHUT-
{annoying sounds of tea sipping come from Quatre; they both turn around and look at him}
Quatre: {sips tea again; notices they're staring at him} ...oh sorry. Did I interrupt your argument?
Trowa: ...Shut up!
Duo: ...it's no point anymore.
Trowa: ...Duo, you're supposed to be gone!
Duo: And you're supposed to end the show!
Trowa: And you're-
Quatre: See ya!
*****************
That's the end of another pointless episode! ^_^ Please review! (Yes I will be continuing it!)