By Amai
Disclaimer- Digimon and all it's characters are not copyright me, but copyright Toei Animation/Bandai (there probably are others, but I can't remember offhand). I wish they were, but sadly, not all wishes come true. The only thing that's copyright me is this fanfic, so no stealing, kiddies.
Author's Notes-One thing, as much as it seems like it this is NOT the end of the "Field of Thoughts" series. I've decided that it's basically an on going Kensuke series by which Daisuke and Ken usually come to realizations in. Which means I can have several scenerios to put them in. ^_^ Isn't that just greeaat? Yes, yes, I know I'm rambling. 'Tis what I do. I'm kind of upset on how fast this goes, but I'll leave it up to you to decide how you feel about it. Please Read and Review!
Each step he took made his heart beat faster. Daisuke realized that he was contradicting himself. He was the keeper of Courage. Yet...he was so afraid, so utterly cautious. It was a trait he had acquired ever since he was born.
He was constantly protecting himself from getting hurt. He knew how pain felt like, and he did not want to go through it again. At first, that was why he had so quickly latched on to Hikari, calling her "his girl". He was still confused on why exactly he had done that. They had really started out as very good friends. He admired her, but nothing more.
He still did. Light did have a nice way of clearing things up. But...he had hidden behind the light instead of using it to clear things up. Only now did he know that.
Daisuke slowed down from his hasty pace. No need to wear himself down, it would only increase his anxiety.
"What am I thinking....I don't even know what I'm doing.", he sighed. He really didn't. But that was a given seeing as, to quote his poem- he wasn't very smart. If he was, then he would know what to do, or how to organize his thoughts.
"The more I think about it...the more I wish I hadn't even seen Ken. I wish I was just..in love with Hikari.", Funny as that sounded, it would have made life a lot easier. Being in love was one thing, but with a guy? An abomination. It just wasn't...natural.
Daisuke wasn't natural. Ever. He had always thought he was well, different. Ever since he was a small boy, and in pure innocence had confessed to his okaasan that he found another male "cute". Of course, she was alarmed and told him how unmoral it was to be thinking thoughts like that. Forcing him to resign from his feelings due to fear.
Dirty, perverted, sick. Fearing those words would be thrown at him.
One can't keep a charade going on forever, unfortunately. Daisuke wanted to blame it all on the poem, scream that that's why he confessed to himself to truth. But he knew he would just be protecting himself again...making way for more confusion and realization. More lessons.
He didn't feel like learning anything. He just wanted to know. He rubbed his head in frustration,
"How am I supposed to tell him how I feel when I can't really tell how I feel? I just want to know why!", he screamed out to no one in particular. Remembering something, he quickly dug through his pockets and pulled out his small poem. Looking over it he softly said,
"Here Ken, here's another poem I wrote for you...I would actually read if it I could, but I'm being held back...", he ended that sentence with a depressed note. He just didn't have the strength to pursue his desires. In the end the second holder of the crest of courage cowered back into the hole he was pulled out of. Why was he..of all people pulled out in the first place?
He was never brave. That was the only realization he had come to. He just wasn't brave. And he felt the world was playing with his mind, and life just to tell him that he was unworthy of it.
Great, now he was depressed. Now he wished he had just gone with Takeru to the picnic.
Just one more block left and he was at the house of his beloved. Another block of realizations. And now...as he felt the water slash off of his olive skin, rain. He quickly pocketed his poem in dismay.
How come it always seemed to rain when he felt bad? It only made the feelings increase within him.
"Just peachy, I'm going to be all wet and smelly when I reach his house! What am I doing? Am I deliberately setting myself up?", he quickly stopped talking to himself as he began slowly walking up the stairs to the door.
Slowly with every amount of strength in him. Strength to help him stand up. Strength to help him survive what the world was going to do to him now...
—
Ken knew Daisuke was there. But he didn't want to get up. He felt like the other boy had drained all his power from him with a single breath.
"I don't want to face the truth, I'm hiding again, just like I was before..and always. I don't know what freedom is anymore because I've created chains stronger than my soul. I cannot break them. I feel like a fool."
Indeed he did. He was being ridiculed because he had felt something different. Discriminated against because he loved a boy out of his limited reach. Humiliated because he had done this out of free will, unknowingly to himself.
"Ken! Your friend Daisuke is here to see you!", his okaasan called to him.
"I'm coming", was all he said, forcing his now heavy with regret body to face Motomiya Daisuke.
His demon. He had sold his soul to a demon.
"Hello Daisuke, I see you're here already.", he greeted the boy smirking a bit despite himself. With a bit of hidden satisfaction he noticed Daisuke shift a bit nervously. Could it be that his demon was just as afraid of him as he was too?
"Yeah, well when I found out I had lost my goggles or more so well..Taichi's, I freaked! Thanks for repairing 'em for me.", Daisuke said, almost smoothly. He had somehow let a little nervousness slip in. He inwardly cursed, did he have to be so weak sounding?
"You're welcome. I didn't have much to do anyway, but..I did find this.", he quickly showed the other boy a paper, "I found it on the field. It seems to be a poem, would you have any idea who wrote it?"
Ken smirked again. He had finally figured something out, and it included a poem. Or rather...a riddle, as it had become over the past days. He was almost in control again, rather than the empty ridiculed person he had metamorphosed to be in the field of thoughts.
He had finally figured out to manipulate the field of thoughts into what he wanted. After all...Ken always got what he wanted. Watching Daisuke splutter out his response after looking at the poem was all too divine to not relish in.
"That..that..poem...I-I..", the world was spinning. And Daisuke didn't know how to stop it. How to stop the words coming from his mouth.
"I..had written that in admiration...love, for someone."
"Let me seize the moment as to tell you how that someone was", Ken said as with one swift moment he did exactly what he said. Quickly, but just as tenderly he grasped Daisuke as he brushed his lips against the other boy's.
Daisuke was in shock. At first he didn't know what to do...was confused again...but he could feel that maddening want, that pleading for him to comply to Ken's command just then.
And Motomiya Daisuke did not have a lot of self control when it came to this. So, he complied.
The two broke off the kiss. Ken, gasping a bit for air simply answered,
"It was simple, Daisuke. It was simple. But even simple things are complex to geniuses, so don't believe that you are not brilliant. You are a brilliant fool to have let me into your trap...",
Daisuke could only reply, "You knew...I-"
Ken silenced him with a hand, smiling.
"It took me just as long as it took you to realize who had written that poem."
And he was right....ever since Daisuke had written that poem, he would accept in, then deny it to himself. As if...as if he didn't know who it belonged to.
"I'm such an idiot...", Daisuke sighed, looking down from Ken as a few tears formed in his chocolate eyes. Another kiss, a bit more forceful.
"I did not say you were an idiot, because if you were, I would be too. We have simply found out something that I hope will never dissolve away....ne, Daisuke?"
"Hai. This is gonna be the start of many poems in the future..", Daisuke replied, returning the favor. So beautiful....so beautiful it was, to finally understand something. That he and Ken were together.
So beautiful was it to know that life had finally taken heed on both of the two boys, who were now entangled in each other's hugs, souls.
Hikari's last stanza in her poem had held it's prediction true in the end
For so beautiful was the new future that loomed ahead for the two someone's that were meant for each other.